Ungluing the Seams

The Earth… Is A Cup

Explain

Holds Things

what are some good cities

Owl

my cat has been fucking playing me for weeks, playing me like a fucking harp. I feed my cat twice a day with prescribed diet food because she’s really fat and doesn’t know when she’s full so she never stops eating. usually when I come home from class she is all over me like the whore of babylon all over me putting on a pity party and trying to get me to sin and give her more food but no matter what I only feed her the amount of food for her prescribed diet. but after awhile i started noticing that she wasn’t loosing weight at all and was actually just getting fatter. so I called the vet pissed and i’m just like the fuck she’s still getting fat. so I switched her to another diet food and that still didn’t work and I was so confused and frustrated like what is wrong with this cat? so a couple weeks go by and I start noticing that I go through bags of food really fast like a week fast and I remembered how I thought that was so weird like I God honest could not figure out why the food disappeared so fast (my former naive and innocent mind) well y'all ready here’s the fucking climax - the other day my class was canceled and I come downstairs at like noonish and do you know what I see when I get down? I see my fucking cat sitting in the food bin. with my own two eyes I see her sitting in the fucking food bin. my spoiled ass cat has been eating like a fucking queen and living it the fuck up while I’m in class and then pretends like she’s hungry when I get home. and you know what’s the real kicker? when she leaves the lid gets knocked shut which is why i never caught onto her scam. she’s fucking been working the system and playing the food game right under my fucking nose like i want to scream and now I have to call the vet and the morning and explain to him how I, a well educated adult in college, got one-upped in intelligence by my fucking cat

Read the whole thing.

THIS IS IT THIS IS WORKING FOOD SERVICE

I LOVE HER VINES

why is everyone so mean. how aren’t you tired

FULL LIFE CONSEQUENCES

Took me a while to identify what in the world the other brass was till I realized it wasn’t.

I’m cackling

i walked in on my 4 year old nephew sitting alone on his bed eating grapes in the dark and i didn’t even get a chance to say anything before he said “i don’t have answers”

in the group chat at 3 am