🪶Live To Laugh🪶

---

Alastor was not one to welcome change.

He had never been the type to be close to another, and it had taken years for him to accept Vincent as the exception to that rule.

And now there was another thing Alastor had long accepted about himself that was being called into question, one that was accelerating much too quickly.

He was aware that men were sexual creatures, seeking out women to lay with to satisfy their disgusting primal needs, or even stooping to such lude acts as masturbation to silence such weak desires as lust.

Alastor had always been above it. In fact, he'd taken some sort of secret pride in never having once indulged in something so repulsive and beneath him.

He'd never once touched himself anymore than for the simple purposes of bathing. That part of him had never really demanded attention, aside from a few moments in his youth that he had decidedly ignored until the appendage wilted from lack of touch.

It gave him some odd sort of superiority.

All these other humans were slaves to such ancient animalistic desires carved into their blood, but not Alastor. He was above that. Above them.

Until a couple of weeks ago.

Vincent and Alastor had become partners. Life partners. They were each others.

And they had kissed.

Alastor had never done that, never wanted to do that. But it felt nice.

Some time after that, they had kissed again, deeper, warmer... Something had... awoken... down south.

It terrified him.

Something was changing in him.

He had quickly launched himself off the couch and sputtered out some excuse or another, anything to make that feeling go away.

It wasn't inherently... unpleasant, but it was mentally uncomfortable... scary.

It meant he was changing. Something he had accepted about himself, something he thought was as certain as stone, was up in the air.

Things he had locked himself away from, arousal, masturbation, sex, were now on the table.

He could barely stand the thought. About as much as he could barely stand Vincent's concerned look up at him from his place on the couch as he turned and left.

...

"I'm telling you, Al! He looked at me like I was speaking Latin! What kind of producer can't even understand A cam or B cam? Even you can wrap your head around that, you old fuddy-duddy."

Alastor snorted and laughed loudly, playfully pushing Vincent's shoulder. "Fuddy-duddy? I'm not that much older!"

He continued laughing loudly, the upbeat and silly atmosphere settling into his chest and belly and warming him delightedly. They'd spent the day picking berries in the bayou, making jam, and cooking an incredible dinner of cajun pasta with shrimp and crawfish.

Life had become so sweet and warm together with Vincent. He was almost delirious with joy.

"You're old enough, piglet. Now come here. I think you've still got some jam on those lips." Vincent leaned in, body caging him against the arm of the couch, his eyes half-lidded and lips parted.

Alastor responded automatically, their mouths meeting and lighting up a path of sparking fiery nerves across his body.

Vincent sighed and a hand came to cup the back of his head, fingers carding through his curls and scratching at the base of his scalp.

Alastor's breath came out in a shudder, nearing a whimper. It felt so good. He needed more. It's like all his upper cognition, his control, his filters, were trembling, threatening to collapse just for the promise of more.

More touch, more heat, more stimulation.

Vincent shifted, and his thigh just barely brushed across his-

His... his member... was hardened. How crass and... shameful.

The contact put a crack in his resolve in the form of an unbecoming sound.. a moan.

He stiffened, face burning in humiliation.

Just as Vincent opened his mouth to speak, Alastor shoved him away, only managing to push himself off the couch and crash onto the floor.

"Al? Are you okay?" Vincent asked, clearly concerned, just like that other night. He peered over the side of the couch, frozen in his position with wide eyes.

Alastor immediately turned his body away to hide his shame, his clearly hardened penis bulging from his trousers.

He wanted to cry. He wanted to hide. This wasn't like him. This wasn't him.

"Alastor? Talk to me. You freaked out like this last time things were getting heated. Am I doing something wrong? We don't have to go any further if you don't want to." Vincent swallowed. "Just please don't close me off. Talk to me. I love you, you know I'd never do anything you don't want."

Alastor didn't think he'd felt so ashamed in all of his life. This was all so completely new to him in ways he'd never been able to fathom. He was floundering in an ocean without ever having deigned to even watch someone else swim before, let alone try it himself.

He was drowning, and the one person he cared about most was floundering beside him in turn.

"Al? Look at me?"

Alastor swallowed and looked back at Vincent, who was handing him a pillow.

"To, uh, give yourself some privacy if you'd like."

His throat stung a bit. He was just the sweetest, wasn't he?

Alastor took it and held it over his lap, turning to look at Vincent head on.

"Can we just talk? We don't have to do anything, but I just want us to be on the same page."

Alastor cleared his tightening throat. "Yes, sure." It came out quite obviously strained, clearly alarming Vincent.

"You know I'd never do anything you don't want right?"

"Of course." He answered immediately.

"If you never wanna have sex or anything... you just gotta say the word and we won't, okay?"

Ah, there was part of the issue, though.

He did want it. And that terrified him.

In the quiet pause, Vincent sat upright, leaning forward a bit. "Do you want to do anything?"

Alastor flushed a deep red, turning his head to the floor in embarrassment.

"Well, you seem like you do wanna do something. That's okay, y'know... You remember that talk you gave me about it being okay to like men."

"That's not... what its about."

"Oh, okay. Can you tell me what it is about?"

Alastor took a few deep breaths. Vincent was silently listening, ever patient.

"I've never... felt any sort of interest in any of this."

"Okay," Vincent nodded, showing he was attentive.

"I've never even..." He paused, as if everything in his body was fighting tooth and nail to prevent him from admitting something so personal. "I've never even, uh... deigned to give myself any sort of attention."

He furrowed his eyebrows. "You've... never masturbated?"

He flinched at such mortifying words, unconsciously ducking himself further back.

"That's no big deal, Al!" Vincent hurried to assure him. "We can take things super slow, all at your pace! Or, again, not at all if that's what you want."

"I don't know what I want!" He snapped, eyes threatening to spill over. "I've never... desired like this before! This isn't me. I... I can't..."

"Al. Can I touch you? Non-sexually, I-I just mean like... your shoulder?"

Alastor huffed a small chuckle and nodded. A large hand rested on his shoulder, the thumb rubbing small circles into his collarbone.

"People change. You remembered how freaked out I was over me liking both men and women? I was crying alone in my room. When I first realized I liked you, that I wanted to kiss you, it scared me too. I felt like I was supposed to just like women. I have liked women before, but it was different, and that never really summed up who I was."

Vincent shifted so he was sitting on the floor directly in front of Alastor. "Whatever you decide to do from here, just please base your decision off what you want now. Not what you've wanted in the past, or what you're supposed to want... just you. The current you. Please?"

Alastor swallowed thickly and smiled. "Such a romantic."

"It's what you deserve." He leaned in slowly, giving him ample time to move or reject his advances, before placing an impossibly soft kiss to his forehead. "Do you just want to talk? Do you have any questions?"

He thought about a moment. Yes. He did have questions. Quite a lot.

"I suppose... if you can massage my shoulders perhaps I can share my inquiries with you."

It wasn't about the massage, it simply gave a reason for him to turn away and not look him in the eye while he bared his soul.

Vincent laughed. "Alright, princess, turn around."

Alastor did so, sighing as those strong fingers dug into the tension in his shoulders.

"If we were to... explore physically... with each other... what would be the expectation of me?"

"Expectation?" Vincent repeated confusedly. "Um... to enjoy yourself? And tell me if you want to stop."

"But what would it look like? What would you want from me?"

"Just to feel good. Stuff like this isn't often planned, we can just feel it out, saying if we do or don't like something. I could tell you one idea we could start off with, if you'd like?"

"Please."

"If you've never masturbated, we could just start with a handjob. I'd be happy to."

"A... hand-job?"

"I would just jerk you off with my hand. That'd probably be best for someone with no experience."

Alastor tensed. 'No experience'.

"I assume you have... experience."

"Not with men, but with women. But I can at least take what I know I like in bed and see if you like any of that."

"Yes..."

"Al. Are you insecure about being inexperienced?"

"Inse- I do not get insecure!"

Vincent hummed. Alastor sighed. "Perhaps I just feel like... it is undesirable of me."

"Al, are you fucking kidding me? Getting to be not only your first sexual partner... but your first orgasm? That's so fucking hot."

His hands smoothed out over his shoulders, dragging down his back as he leaned in.

"If you give me the go ahead, I'll make sure we find out exactly what you love most. What makes you feel the best, what makes you cum the hardest. I'll give you the 5 star treatment. I'll spoil you proper, and you'll always have the power to end if it's too much. All at your control. We'll learn about your body together."

Alastor shivered, his breathing picked up, and he could feel his cock twitch in his pants.

"W-What about you?"

"Getting to pleasure you will be enough for me. You have any idea how many times I've jerked off to the idea of you? Just... you. Giving you pleasure and making you feel good? Doll, that'll be enough to get me going for weeks."

"You've," Alastor started, partially breathless, "thought about me like that?"

"You don't know the half of it. You're gorgeous, incredible, skilled, and witty. I'd love to make you feel good. Say the word, and we'll have some fun together."

Alastor's hips rolled without his say-so into the pillow he was now gripping like his life depended on it.

"Y-Yes."

"Yeah?"

"Yes. Now."

Vincent chuckled something smug and kissed his jaw bone. "Let's go to the bedroom, okay, baby?"

"Yes." Said again without air.

Strong arms scooped him up beneath his knees and back and quickly carried him to the master bedroom. Alastor was finding it hard to stay still. Now that he'd mentally given it permission, his cock was yearning for friction.

As he was placed on the bed he had to dig his nails into his palm to keep from touching himself. He wanted to keep up at least some decorum.

Vincent was above him in an instant, on all fours with their faces just inches apart.

"Do you want to get yourself out of your pants? You can keep them mostly on or take them all the way off, whatever you want. It's your first time, sweetheart."

"I-I'll... get myself out." His hands were shaking as he undid his fly. He hesitated, his thighs trembling with the need to hide himself.

Vincent joined them for another kiss, deeper, warmer, messier. Between the repeated meeting and parting of lips, Vincent whispered. "Want some help?"

"Yes."

With one hand, not even looking, Vincent undid his button and fly, then tugged his waistband down and out of the way for Alastor's cock to spring up, fully hardened and leaking precum.

Alastor whimpered, hips bucking at nothing. Vincent's lips were shaped into a smug grin against his.

"Relax, baby. Just focus on feeling good. We're gonna try some things out. If you don't like something, just say 'no' and I'll move on. If you want to stop completely, just say 'stop', no questions asked. Understand?"

"Yes."

Vincent trailed kisses down his jaw bone, to his collar bone, and softly cupped his palm over his aching member. Alastor bucked his hips again, barely holding back another whimper.

"I'm gonna hold you, okay? Relax, love. Let me take care of you."

Vincent's hand wrapped around Alastor's cock and he let out the most humiliating moan he'd ever heard from anyone, let alone himself.

He stiffened and cringed. "Oh, lord, I- I'm sorry-"

"Easy, baby. Don't hold back your pretty noises. You're so gorgeous, perfect. Let me hear you okay?"

He nodded as he strained to keep from rapidly bucking his hips like a horny dog.

"You're such a good boy, Alastor. Make those pretty little noises for me." The gut-warming praise was immediately followed by a slow stroke that made him moan even louder.

Vincent groaned in response. "God, doll, you're so fucking hot. Sound so fucking good."

Vincent's hand pulled away and Alastor gasped, his body immediately cold and wanting.

He chuckled. "Don't worry, just getting a little extra something to make it feel better." He gathered up some saliva and spat on his hand, making Alastor cringe in disgust. "Oh, it may look gross, but it's about to feel amazing." That dribbled up hand wrapped back around his cock and stroked and-

Alastor's back arched as he moaned again, louder, more shameless.

"You like that, baby? Feeling good? Being so good for me?"

Alastor rapidly nodded as his hips began bucking and rolling on their own, chasing something he'd never felt before but now couldn't live without. His gut was warming, heating, curling into something delicious and volatile.

Vincent's hand moved harder, faster, gripping firmer. Alastor couldn't even hear himself anymore, the moans and whimpers and pants, it just felt so good so good so good-

"V-Vincent. I-I'm, Mmmm- oh God, I feel-"

"Are you close? Go on then, be a good boy. Come for me."

It took little more than a few strokes and something so new and mind-numbingly satisfying washed over him like a wave. It was like all that tension snapped, pushing him over some kind of precipice he fell into without hesitation or fear. His body tensed, head snapped back, as pleasure, pure and unexplored, doused him head to toe.

Vincent watched in a mix of lust and adoration as his partner experienced his first orgasm, and from the looks of it, it was a damn good one. He came into his hand, hips bucking lightly and quickly as he rode out his high. As his body relaxed, his eyes were glassy and unfocused with a bit of drool threatening to drop from the corner of his mouth.

He was gorgeous. Stunning. He'd never seen such a beautiful sight in all his life.

Vincent reached over to the side table for a box of tissues to wipe them off with, returning quickly to his partner who still didn't quite seem all there. He quickly rid his hand of the residue and gently cleaned off Alastor before tucking him back into his pants, knowing his partner would appreciate the restored modesty.

He caught Alastor's distant gaze with a soft smile.

"Hey, doll. How you feeling?"

Alastor blinked heavily before reaching out and sluggishly tugging Vincent down with him which he happily obliged. He eagerly laid himself next to Alastor who looked about 2 seconds away from falling asleep.

"M' Good." He sighed before cuddling up and burying his face in Vincent's neck. He took a deep breath and sighed, nuzzling the area with drooping eyes.

How lucky was Vincent? His partner was new to all of this so they got to explore it together, and he seemed the type to get sleepy and cuddly after an orgasm. It couldn’t be more perfect.

"You tired? Wanna take nap?"

His response was the most sleepy and whiny 'no' he'd ever heard, making him chuckle lightly.

"Yeah you are." He held him close in a hug, allowing Alastor plenty of space to cuddle and nuzzle as he seemed more eager than usual to do. "Doze off for a bit, I've got you."

It seemed he just needed that last bit of permission because he was out immediately.

God, he was adorable. And sexy at the same time.

Vincent was still hard, he hadn't finished himself, but he was fine with it. Right now, this was about Alastor.

Besides, after Alastor was settled and okay, Vincent would go to the bathroom and have the craziest jack off of his life. With this memory fresh in his brain? He was set for a while. It was worth the persistent ache for the time being.

More important than that was that this was Alastor's first time. First anything. As soon as Vincent heard that he knew he had to make it the best he could. The last thing he wanted to do was overwhelm him and taint the whole idea of sexual pleasure because Vincent wanted an orgasm more than his partner's comfort.

And how could he feel neglected when he just saw Alastor like that? Aroused, whimpering, flushed, bucking into his hand, looking at him with unadulterated lust and, more importantly, trust? This all was so new and vulnerable and he'd let Vincent give him his first orgasm. It was so special, such a treasure, Vincent would never forget this moment.

In the times he'd slept with women, Vincent had found himself to be extra affectionate after sex. He'd never really loved the women he'd been with, but sex made it seem like love after he'd come. Now, he didn't even have to come himself to be utterly filled with affection and enamor.

And Alastor all sleepy and cuddly? An extra treat on top of something already incredible.

He would absolutely respect it if Alastor said he never wanted to do anything else like this again... but god damn he hoped that wasn't the case. He couldn't help but fantasize what else they could try. He had tested the waters earlier and it seemed Alastor really liked being praised in bed. It was fucking adorable and super easy to incorporate. He wondered if he could make him whimper from words alone, oh the sounds he had made. He'd always loved Alastor's voice, and of course he'd fantasized about being in bed with him, but he hadn't expected him to be that vocal. Not that he was complaining, not in the slightest, hearing Alastor moan and whine so loudly... just thinking about it he could feel himself hardening further.

Alastor had been a virgin, never having orgasmed, this was all new. They got to explore everything together for the first time. If Alastor allowed it, Vincent would vow to find everything he could, every sweet spot, every right word, every kink, everything to make the bedroom as satisfying as possible.

He had to remind himself that there was a possibility Alastor may never want to do this again, and by God would he respect that... but it didn't hurt to hope, right?

He buried his face in Alastor's curls and placed a soft kiss there. His partner was still asleep. He was so cute and small like this...

Even if Vincent didn't finish, this was by far one of the most satisfying and fulfilling evenings he'd had in a while.

---

Alastor stirred gently as he came out of slumber. Strange... was it morning? It didn't seem bright out. Didn't he go to sleep at his usual-

Wait a minute.

Alastor's eyes shot open as he remembered what happened. All of it.

Vincent had- He let him... He was...

Alastor shifted and was thankful his pants were still completely covering him. Had he awoken with his penis exposed he was sure he would've shoved Vincent off of him.

Speaking of which, his partner started stirring around the same time he did.

"Hm, whatsit- Al?" He mumbled. Vincent was always slow to wake up, it was rather endearing how he slurred his words and looked at him like a sleepy puppy every morning.

Though it wasn't morning. He had taken a nap after... that.

"I-" He stammered. What could he even say? He was mortified.

"Hey, easy, doll." Vincent stretched his arm to the side table and turned on the bedside lamp, bathing them in a soft warm glow. "You're okay. Wanna talk?" He mumbled whilst rubbing his eye. His voice was still low and husky and his face was groggy and slack.

"I suppose I'm just... embarrassed." He muttered the last word, laying on his side to face Vincent whilst staring at his shirt.

"You have nothing to be embarrassed about. You were incredible."

"But we didn't... you didn't even-"

"Finish? Nah, but I'll take care of myself another time. I had a great time watching you, though. You're so sexy, you were stunning."

"I... don't understand."

"That's fine. You don't have to. Just know I'm telling you the truth. I had a great time. If you don't ever wanna do something like this again, I'll respect that, but if you do want to try something again, I'll be more than happy to."

Alastor didn't respond right away, and when he didn't, Vincent just moved closer and began pressing slow kisses into his hair and forehead.

"I... have been having the problem of... wandering thoughts for some time now."

"Oh yeah?" His voice was annoyingly yet endearingly smug.

"This is still new, but... I'm willing to explore further."

"You have no idea how happy I am to hear that." He pressed a warm kiss to his lips. "This'll be fun. We'll explore together, learning what we like most. We'll find our chemistry, play around, just... have a good time together." Another quick kiss. "How's that sound?"

Alastor was properly smiling now, completely at ease being showered with affection. "That sounds quite nice."

"Good. I'm looking forward to it." Vincent squeezed him tight in a hug, enough to knock the wind out of Alastor who chuckled and lightly pushed at his chest. He let him go with one last kiss to his head. What could he say? He was still feeling extra affectionate after their little romp in the sheets.

Alastor sighed happily before speaking sternly. "Now turn that light off. It's late."