Star Sketch

Simon opened the door to the house and surprised to see Rocky sitting on the couch in his living room, spectating as Dr. Ryland Grace, with dark circles under his eyes, head of wild messy hair had a giant board leaning against his desk, with strings wrapped around pins stuck into the board, pinning up different notes and charts and hand scribbled diagrams all over it, like Grace was giving a pitch, or talking rocky through an incredibly complicated and overthought concept.

When the door opened both Grace and Rocky paused what they were doing and looked over at the door. Ryland’s eyes were manic from lack of sleep, his glasses were hanging off the side of his face, his beard was looking shabby and he was in the same disheveled clothes he had stayed up all night in. Like he had spent all day trying to piece something out and now he was talking his best friend through it. He had his favorite science pun coffee cup in hand (It said in colorful letters, Never trust an Atom, they make up everything,) He liked to pretend it was full of steaming hot coffee even though he knew it was just water.

Since the Hail Mary landed on Erid, they perfected a nutrient smoothie that would supply a human body with everything it needed to function healthily, with at least a handful of different flavors to prevent the repetitive flavor from making him too sick of it too quickly. But as soon as he could switch to those, he surrendered what was left of his human food rations from earth, the meager months worth that remained, (which in regards to space travel, is down to the wire, dire straights) to the Human food research and development team, and the botanics division, to see what they could replicate.) This is partially why the Grace burger development was a much needed variety considering everything.

Simon and Adrian stood in the doorway wondering why there were papers all over the coffee table and floor, throw pillows on the ground, single empty smoothie cup still on the desk from this morning and Grace looking like a medical residency student all hopped up on mountain dew cramming before finals trying to prove a point.

“UHH!! HELLO SIMON AND ADRIAN!!!!” Grace turned bright pink and his expression was bugging.

“Uh, Hi Grace… Hi Rocky,” Simon greeted the two of them with a raised eyebrow and a tentative wave.

“Grace need sleep bad bad bad,” Rocky told on his friend, pointing a claw at him, causing the sleep deprived man’s face to turn even redder at being called out.

“PSHHH!! Me?? Sleep?? I took like a 3 hour nap after Simon left!! I’m fiiiine!!” Grace said in scatterbrained denial as he scrambled to pick up his papers and move the corkboard into the corner facing the wall to hide some kind of convoluted plan.

“Whatcha… got there buddy?” Simon glanced at the board with a curious expression.

“-NOTHING!!” Grace’s voice cracked and he took a sip of water and cleared his throat and stepped in front of it. “Nothing!! Just a research presentation between two colleagues!!” He kept working on cleaning up the living room and piling the miscellaneous papers on his desk.

“Grace do research for work on fix self.” Rocky added, helping a boy out to prevent an unnecessary miscommunication while his homie was frantic and all over the place. “Needed Rocky for help and give feedback. No want show Simon for privacy,”

“Ah,” Simon nodded, completely understanding now.

“Is Grace doing okay, Question?” Adrian asked in her new smooth voice. “It is important to rest and take care of yourself while you work,” She added.

“Listen I got this, I just wanted to take a solid 12 hour step in the right direction and dedicate some serious time to some much needed self reflect- since when can you talk that smoothly?” Grace stood up straight and spun himself around to look at Adrian, nearly causing his glasses to fly off, as he hit her with an incredulous expression. Simon smirked and tried not to laugh.

Rocky got up and helped finish picking up his papers and putting his things away, Simon was fighting a guffaw as he walked to the kitchen and got him some food, as Adrian walked up to Grace and gently led him over to the chair to sit down. Grace went to protest but his friends just paid him no mind and began taking care of him. Simon made sure he got food, Adrian kept talking to him to help calm his nerves, despite his off-kilter rambling, and Rocky put his stuff away.

Simon came back out with food, and his pajamas and then turned off the big light in the room and switched on the warm toned lamp to help make the room sleepy. All the while Grace just kept on mumbling to make conversation.

“Did you know that dogs have 100 million neurons in their brain and are better at detecting the presence of smells?? BUT! It turns out Cats have 300 million neurons in their brains, and much keener ability to tell what smells are which! But they don’t get trained for jobs as much, because they are less willing to cooperate with law enforcement??” Grace’s fried hyperintellectual brain was short circuiting as he was running a high power intellect on fumes, his head wobbled as he comically mumbled fun science facts he used to tell his students, blinking one eye at a time. He giggled a little.

“Eat this” Simon made him hold a smoothie in his hand and encouraged the straw to his lips.

“Oh my GOSH!! Hey Simon!! Wha-when did you get home??” He smiled widely as he gave his handsome boyfriend a loopy half-lidded expression. He was even more fried than when he pulled the 16 hour all nighter. The second the big bright ceiling light went off and the warmer lamp went on, his brain started crashing fast from the lack of stimuli. Simon smirked in amusement as he still insisted he eat the food. Grace looked down and noticed, becoming surprised and delighted.

“Hey! How did you know I was hungry??” He snickered and shook his head like it was impossible Simon could read his mind. “You’re so good at things-” He started drinking the smoothie, much to Simon’s relief. The blonde man looked around to the two rock crabs in the room. He took a breath.

“Oh hey Rocky!! Adrian!! How did have you two been here? Long??” He blinked, realizing that phrase couldn’t possibly be right but he shrugged and just went with it, waving at them sleepily, trying to sit up and keep ingesting the smoothie in spurts.

“Grace need big sleep looooong time,” Rocky deduced.

“Indeed.” Adrian agreed.

“Y’know, You two, make such a cute couple,” He leaned forward, pointing between the two of them as he blinked, not opening his eyes, slouching to the side, the cup slowly slipping from his hand as he began falling asleep where he sat. Simon took the cup and set it on the coffee table, settling for most of it’s contents being consumed by his sleep deprived boyfriend. The scientist felt the cup being taken and he snapped back awake, looking around between the three of them, with a foggy expression. “Mmm, Don’t you think so Simon…? I’m tellin’ you those two really got a future together,” His posture wobbled before he fell back against the couch. “Never let a platypus kick you. BIG mistake.” The teacher wagged a sleepy finger at them before his eyelids fell again. “Venommm Spurrrr…”

“I think we might turn in early tonight, thanks guys, I appreciate your help” Simon smirked at his funny boyfriend as he looked over at the two rocks in the room.

“Need further assistance preparing Grace Friend for sleep, question?” Rocky offered. Simon smiled and shook his head. “I think I got it.”

The Eridians went to the door and trilled their fond goodbyes as they left, and Simon refocused on getting Grace put to bed. Simon laid out his pajamas and gently shook Grace's shoulder, and the sleepy blonde woke up again and giggled.

“Adrian sounds like Meryl Streep now…” He giggled at an inside joke.

“Come on, Ryland, you’re gonna wanna get changed and get into bed proper,” The muscular man with the long black hair and the scars on his face encouraged him with his deep voice. Grace opened his eyes up again and saw the handsome man looming over him with half his face illuminated in the warm glow of the lamp, the rest dramatically cast in shadow, and the delirious man flushed in surprise.

“What??” Simon asked, confused.

“You’re… um… WOW…” The tweed fellow blushed as he looked awestruck at his boyfriend’s gorgeous face. Simon gave a curious expression.

“I’m what??” The convict asked, semi-amused. Grace blushed and rubbed his eye with the back of his hand.

“You’re, you,” he giggled. “And you’re talking to me,” he blushed and got all smiley, feeling flattered.

“Uh… I’m dating you, Ryland. I’m your boyfriend,” Simon raised an eyebrow and chuckled a little at his humorous state of delirium. It took a few seconds for the slouching man to register the words before his face lit up with absolute delight.

“OH YEAHHH!!” He was ecstatic at this revelation, pointing at himself in surprise with the biggest goofiest grin on his face, astounded that his autistic ass could land someone like the ruggedly handsome dark haired man before him. Simon nodded with a smile. Ryland sleepily examined Simon’s very strong muscular arms, he went to touch one, but pulled his hand away at the last second, blushing and covering his eyes. “Oh gosh I don’t know what I’m gonna say to Simon when I tell him!!” He shook his head. “I’m sorry you’re very nice but I’m spoken for!!” He said like a gentleman.

Simon shook his head. “You’re silly.” He handed him his pajamas. “Time for bed. Now. Grace turned crimson.

“W-why this is so sudden!!” Ryland recoiled to protect his virtue, before noticing the clothes he was being handed. “Oh these look comfy, I’m gonna put these on,” He peered over at Simon with sleepy eyes. “Could you turn around, handsome man?? I’m saving myself for my boyfriend you see, and it would be awkward if you saw me without my shirt on,”

Simon rolled his eyes and just turned around and stared at the wall while Grace changed clothes, all the while hiding an endeared smile. When he turned back around, the sleep shirt was inside out and backwards but it was on his body and the shorts were on as well. The shorter man seemed satisfied enough by this and he approached him again. “Alright, bedtime,” He reached for Grace's hand, who blushed and shook it bashfully. “Hi, I’m Ryland.. Are you made of Copper and Tellurium? Because you are a Cu-Te!” He laughed a dorky laugh, covering his mouth.

Simon grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet and he wobbled and Simon caught the taller man, who seemed enchanted by Simon’s gaze.

“Oh Simon.… You’re home…” Ryland blushed as he stared down at Simon's handsome face. He looked so happy as he went to give him a big kiss, but the shorter man ducked down and took the opportunity for the momentum to cause him to fall over onto his good shoulder, then the short man power lifted him up so he could carry his sleepy boyfriend to bed.

“You’re really strong..!!” Sleepy Ryland admired him as he hung limply over his shoulder. Then he turned bright red realizing he was staring at his boyfriend’s butt as he was carried down the hall. Next thing he knew, Simon had crouched down and laid him in his bed, with his colorful quilt and all his things. He laughed a dorky laugh. “You’re fun!!”

“You’re tired.” Simon smiled and pulled up his blanket for him, folded up his glasses and set them on the bedside table. He turned to go get him some water.

“...Did you know, the same part of the brain that processes the experience of love… is the same that processes a panic attack…?” Ryland suddenly said, softly.

“Oh yeah?” The convict replied curiously, pausing, as he faced the curtain to leave

“Mmmhmm…” The teacher said serenely as he yawned. “...And did you know… the part of your brain that processes rejection… it’s the same part of the brain that processes pain…?” Sleepy Ryland said, in that quiet room in the dark.

“Yeah…?” The convict stooped, facing the curtain.

“Yeah… It’s the same part of the brain that processes being hit. Or yelled at.” Ryland yawned. “Some people… have brains… that most other people don’t understand… And.. it’s nobody's fault… but it causes those brains… to get rejected… again and again… and.. Again…” The man in bed narrowed his tired eyes. “And it never stops hurting… Every time..”

“Y-yeah…” Simon lowered his head, becoming sorrowful.

“But, you know somethin’ else I learned today…?” The dozing off scientist mumbled.

“....What’s that?” The dark haired man slightly turned his head back to listen.

“There isn’t really any way to love someone, without risking being hurt again….” The scientist’s sleepy words made Simon’s body feel heavy in anticipation. “But you know… no matter how many times I do the math…?” The man in bed said. The dark haired man stood there and waited.

“... Simon is worth it…” That exhausted voice whispered with a smile. “...I decided… Simon will always be worth it… to me…” Ryland rolled over and pulled up the blanket. “Mmm.. Don’t tell him yet, ‘kay??” He mumbled something as he was drifting from consciousness. “I gotta… plann…” he finally began snoozing.

Simon finally turned around and stared at the sleeping shape in the bed, with tears brimming, glinting in the very faint, pale, artificial moonlight coming in from the window, standing there in the quiet dark. He stared at that sleeping shape for the longest time.

Toward the end of their visit, Carver almost seemed sad to see him go. “Please please Mister Simon, come back any time ya like! Day or night, doors always open! Technically! Like it is not ever really locked even if it is usually closed!!” He insisted, having truly enjoyed indulging every question and interest this human had for his passion.

“Thank you, I’ll probably be taking you up on that eventually,” Simon waved goodbye to him as Carver enthusiastically waved back with three appendages.

“MESSAGE ME IF YOU NEED SOMEONE TO WATCH YE SLEEP!!” He called out emphatically with a delighted trill as they went out the door.

“You all really like the whole ‘watching each other sleep’ thing huh?” Simon commented to Adrian as they began walking across the pavilion.

“Indeed. Makes us feel so cozy and safe.” Adrian added. “It’s reassuring to know that one’s tribe is there looking out for you, letting you know you aren’t alone and that you’re going to wake up safely.” She hummed. “Offering to watch another sleep is one way for us to tell each other we care.”

“Huh.. I guess I do get that…” Simon thought about it. “I like watching Grace sleep sometimes… It makes me feel… happy? I guess? Like it reminds me he’s right here, and he trusts me.” He looked up. “I guess I always kinda sleep better next to him too, keeps the nightmares away…. He makes me feel… Safe.” The convict added warmly. “I hope that I make him feel safe too…” Simon sighed as he thought about him and their troubles lately. Adrian chittered.

“Simon wants to mate with Grace, yes, question?” Adrian asked, sometimes preferring the simpler language, but appreciating the access to the fuller vocabulary when necessary.

“Yes!! Obviously!” He declared without hesitation. “But Grace is… Very particular??” Simon scratched the back of his head trying to figure out how to put it. “He’s very hesitant, and gets so anxious and caught up in his head… And considering our fight yesterday…” Simon looked at the ground as they walked and sighed. “I think it’s probably a long way off…” He looked disappointed in himself. “I’m sure my yelling at him didn’t do much for his nerves…” The Convict didn’t feel unjustified for being upset. He also knew that he wanted things to go back to normal too. “I’m… completely new to this.. Grace is the one that has more experience with it than I do, but apparently those experiences never ended well for him, and his prior partners always ended up… leaving him…” He had a thought as he said the words out loud. “Huh…” Simon looked pensive.

“Is Grace afraid of mating and being left after? Or of being a bad mate? Question?” Adrian asked with interest, while still being unfamiliar with complex human courting rituals outside of the shows they had seen. “Eridians mate for life. Rocky and I were just over 100 years old when we became mates. We’ve been mates for 186.3 years…” She remembered fondly. “It is odd to imagine mating with another, and not staying forever. Humans are very different from us. To have to face the challenge of trial and error, of courting and being spurned. Again and again with no guarantee of forever! Sounds scary.” She added, happy to have found her forever mate early in life.

“I… I guess so…” Simon thought about it. He himself had just seen Grace and knew that’s who he wanted. Grace had to go through a lot more years of being hurt before finding himself on Erid with Simon. Simon hadn’t given much thought to him being asexual before all this either. It was hard for himself to imagine, but he knew it was a real experience Grace lived through, and it wasn’t something Simon completely understood. He imagined what it must be like for Ryland facing all these new feelings inside himself, all of the sudden feeling that same attraction Simon did, while fully understanding the devastating consequences of heartbreak…

Simon recalled that moment yesterday morning that felt like his world was falling down around him…. Pain so sudden and deep he felt he might be dying. Just from words that had been said to him. Had Grace gone through that devastation twice before? Or was it not the same because he didn’t feel the same for those women? Did being left still hurt just as much even if that was the case? Or was he even more scared because those feelings meant he had much more to lose?

“Ughhh,” Simon rubbed his temples, stressing over shit he had never considered before in his life. “I just figured I would tell him I love him, he would say it back or he wouldn’t, and we would just go from there! I’m already getting a headache, and he thinks like this all the time!?” The dark haired boyfriend was exasperated. Adrian trilled with amusement.

“Simon is imagining what life is like in Grace’s place, statement.” She said with amusement, with some bounce in her stride. “That is a good sign you know!”

“Is it now?” He asked, already feeling tired.

“Indeed! It means you’re trying to understand him. Which is a good thing!” Adrian added. “It took Rocky a very long time to begin to understand Grace. He likes to hide the things that make him hurt or afraid, just like you do Simon.” Simon stopped in his tracks and listened closely. Adrian continued. “It took a long time for him to tell Rocky that the Humans had sent him to Tau Ceti to work to save the stars, and then die alone in space. He woke up on that ship with his dead crew, alone. Who knows how long he was alone that way. Grace hides his hurt. Grace tries to use his great intelligence to avoid feeling hurt again. But… Adrian is beginning to believe that one cannot think their way out experiencing painful feelings, such as heartbreak.” She made a low sad sound.

“How do you know?” Simon asked.

“I waited by the launchpad, many many nights. Wondering if Rocky would come home. What was taking him so long. Coming up with more and more elaborate scenarios that might be the reason he had been gone so many years…. Trying to think and imagine, to prevent the painful thought of Rocky maybe never coming home…” Adrian chittered bitterly then made a low forlorn thrum. “Many many of those whose mates went to Tau Ceti… Their mates died in space… Never came home…”

Simon stared at Adrian with a shocked and devastated expression, imagining her at the launchpad, waiting. She touched her mate marks. “Adrian could never mate again even if try…. Nothing… Nothing can replace Rocky… One and only forever…” Her translator voice got quiet and pained. Thinking about those 70 long years, waiting for her one true love to return home. Days stretching to months, to years, to seven decades without seeing him or hearing him or knowing if he was alive. If he would ever come home.

“Grace… Grace is not wrong, for being afraid...” She spoke honestly. “That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or trust you. I think it means that becoming your mate, means very very much to him. From everything you told me about what happened, it sounds like he puts so much pressure on himself to do enough to consider himself worthy of things like your love and respect, because he thinks so lowly of himself. Maybe the fight spiral happened because Grace couldn’t reconcile someone he cares for as much as you, loving him in return. Perhaps it’s that cognitive dissonance that makes him crumble and fall apart.” She hummed. “Remember when you told Helen and I on the couch, that you couldn’t reconcile our kindness, with what you believed you deserved?” She tapped an appendage on the ground. Simon sighed and nodded.

“Yeah… Yeah I remember..” He lowered his head.

“If he never comes to terms with his own self esteem, how could he feel worthy to take on the responsibility of caring for a mate he loves so much, if he feels he is doomed to fail?” She wondered aloud. “So he considered letting you, his beloved Simon go, so that you might find someone else out there that might be more worthy. Resigning himself to the familiar pain of loneliness and loss… Only to hurt Simon bad bad bad in the process. ” Adrian thought out loud. “How sad. To let go of the chance of love because one doesn’t feel they can rise to the challenge…” She lamented before realizing she said all that out loud. She flinched and made a zip zip zip sound, realizing she might be giving them answers too soon or snooping into their business.

“Pardon! Adrian didn’t mean to speculate-” She began but Simon just stopped and hugged her.

“I don’t think I say it enough, but you’re the fuckin’ best, Adrian!!” Simon was so grateful to have an insightful friend like her.

“Besties for a reason, duh,” She replied, enjoying using earth phrases. “Still. Like you say. Is good good good that Grace does research and makes changes to prevent low self worth. Should not stop that!” She waved a claw insistently. “Still needs to find ways to like himself to prevent recurrence!! Is good good good that Simon demands an apology for hurt feelings!” She reiterated stubbornly, reminding him it was good and important to stick up for himself, no matter what good place Grace is coming from. “Simon can be hurt and need an apology from Grace and still love him! Grace can prove apology with actions and still love Simon! Both good. Both are necessary!” Adrian didn’t want him getting the wrong idea and not ending up holding Grace to his promises. Especially when they can lead to Grace making positive changes.

“You know, you’re really good at this??” Simon stood up and added, picking his strawberry plant back up in the process. Adrian made some beeps and boops, wondering if her own deep dive into human relationship counseling to properly vet for a qualified prospective therapist for the two of them; might have accidentally slipped out without meaning to. She realized she couldn’t take it back anyways so she just rolled with it.

“Yes yes yes!! Rocky always say Adrian is best! Is true! Adrian is best!!” She trilled as the usually quite mature and composed Adrian galloped forward happily, thinking of Rocky making her feel like a pebble again. “Adrian is best, make best mate for Rocky! Make best bestie for Simon!” She rotated in place before she continued down the tunnel with a spring in her step. Adrian had great self esteem.

Simon followed her, a smile on his lips, and a pot of strawberry plants in his hand as he followed his best friend down the tunnel, realizing there was a whole lot more than just Grace he needed to remember to appreciate here on Erid. I should do something nice for her and Helen… No fucking clue what. But I’ll try to think of something…. He also appreciated how good Rocky was to Adrian. Does Helen have a mate? He blinked curiously. I need to ask my friends more questions about themselves… Huh..