Fran.

Oh wow really? Besides, imagine the amount of fun the media would have.

I mean, we could always give them juicier material for fun.

Should I be offended on his behalf?

You better not be doing anything on his behalf.

If you wanted, you could achieve that state. I believe in you Fran! It´s not like you are that far away.

You’d know, your ex is an expert on all things moron.

I´ve been around enough Brits to know one by now.  I think that you don’t qualify as British material.

I don’t sound like enough of a pretentious fuck to be a Brit, which says a lot, coming from a Frenchie.

No, I would have become a model. I heard wonders about the so called called French Charm. Are you sure you are really French?

If I’m not, I really hope my mother didn’t adopt me from the Brits.

Oh you know, staying a virgin, drinking my scotch, the like. Nothing too exciting, or so they tell me. Any headway in the hotel massacre investigation? Need help with anything?

I think I still have Chelsea’s number on my phone. She’d mercy fuck you, just try to look miserable and dumb. She digs that, judging from her last boyfriend.

Is your pouting obvious? Quite.

Are you entirely positive in that statement, because it seems contradictory, hearing you say it. Not that I feel the need to explain myself to you, Fran, but it’s far less important than you’re making it out to be.

Fine. Whatever. Good like with your pasta-brain boy-toy. 

 I feel so objectified right now.

Sweetheart, if you didn’t want to be objectified, you shouldn’t have become an actress. Just saying.

I feel like you’re trying to be funny or maybe sarcastic, but you just missed the mark.

Does that line actually offend anyone? I can pretend to be, if that makes you feel accomplished.

I’m not sure if you just tried to compliment me or tell me to shut up.

Both. That’s part of my charm.

Oh, don’t be such a Julian.

Can’t complain at all. Paris was nice though I guess I missed a pretty good party.

Say that again and I’ll punch you in the teeth.

Is it possible for you to go five minutes without being an antagonistic ass?

I’m charmed and insulted.

No doubt. It‘s always nice to feel at home.

I suppose I can’t complain about everything. At least you brought Odile. Well, not you specifically, as it turns out…but the French as a whole. Thanks for that. She really does make for good company.

I’m glad Odile made your miserable life slightly better. Couldn’t find anyone who’d tolerate you among the Italian women? Shame.

You look like you’re in an absolutely sublime mood. Care to share what’s got you down?

Is that so obvious?

Serious question here, are you capable of making a statement that isn’t directly insulting to another human being?

I am, but what’s fun in that? Besides, you are the queen of insults, so shut your pretty face, Auditore.

Shouldn´t you be happy that people care about you? It would be worse if they ignored your existence. Maybe?

I hate to be mean to a pretty face, but joke, ever heard of it?