highlights from The Poker Stream
five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five, mh mh mh, fifty, mhh. stream starts with lando sorting the chips for them and he makes up a chip counting song.
he spends the entire rest of the stream bossing everyone around. chat, when they ask why max is streaming "it's his job, chat, jeeze!" p, when she doesn't put down the mandatory blind, "i ain't telling you again!" max, when lando wants to put on music and insists, "you're just going to have to delete it after, mate."
honestly lando's very stern with P. he leans forward so he can stare at her. "you must place a minimum bet of five" while making unblinking eye contact. he says it's mandatory. if you like being chastised or watching other people be chastised it was extremely hot.
after all that max still doesn't know what the minimum blind is. you see why lando has to a) be in charge of the poker game and b) be so stern with them.
Lando appears to be both the wallet and the brains of the polycule. it takes max over seven minutes to realize the value of the chip is the number written on it.
despite the fact that streaming is max's job, lando's the director. he arranges the ipad on the box so chat can see their cards better. when they're brainstorming about how to do this better, lando's got all the suggestions (use the back camera) because he "was a streamer" and knows what's up.
apparently lando's right side is his bad side. (it's his left on stream but i think it's mirror image)
lando "knows maths". unlike everyone on "thy table shown".
lando wins, and max says "how have you done that first hand" and lando says "it's all about tipping the dealer."
max: "i should've seen this coming." lando: "what me winning?" p: "it doesn't happen often." lando: "not this year so far."
and then lando mumbles something couldn't hear and leans forward and gives p the flirtiest smirk in the world. what did he say!!!!!!! max is there head down on his phone thanking stream subscribers and lando's looking at his girlfriend like this:
at one point max claims that he "was the decision maker" so lando needs to go first in showing his cards. but i'll tell you who ends up showing their cards first: it's max.
max wins a hand but lando says he's still got more cash than max, and then corrects it to chips, because i guess it's a bit gauche for the super multimillionaire to brag about having more money. but not for him to say in this really low voice, "we played with twenty-fives before. the big boys over here play with twenty-five chips."
then both P and max ask lando when their birthdays are. normal throuple behaviour. it's just wild that they chose to do it all on stream.
"what's before july" max prompts. "AUGUST??" lando guesses.
and you'll recall i did say lando's the brains of this polycule so rip.
p offers to sing since max won't let them put on music and for some reason that creates the most insane tension. fellas can a woman not make a joke about singing a song any more? what's happening?
lando says "three of a kind means there's only three in the world like that."
lando, in this really dismissive voice says, "oh. okay. i normally go for one of a kinds."
i know the other summaries of the stream said that p and lando were making fun of max (and like they do a bit, saying he's old, making fun of his burn) but holy absolutely fuck. s a v a g e.
meanwhile max is typing away on his ipad.
when he finally looks up, perhaps sensing the absolutely insane tension in the room, he makes his cute scrunchy face at lando for a long time, and then looks back and forth between lando and p. gives a dimpled smile at the camera and gives us a thumbs up. "thanks for creating a really awkward situation"
WHAT DOES ALL OF THIS MEAN. I FEEL INSANE.
p keeps raising when it's not her turn and lando corrects her multiple times and then gives her another stern lecture.
then lando "permanently checks something" because he'll "remember it for the rest of his life".
lando wins a hand they all bet really high on and p says "lando nowins" and then max just gives her the longest silent stare, and then they start joking about her not knowing who lando is.
and then p leaves and lando tells chat that his is a lot bigger than max's and raises his eyebrows at the camera.
some other stuff happens after that but my brain is no longer capable of processing information. banter about golf. review of various sporting events. lando's going to bed to watch movies. the rest of us are going to be up forever trying to process what we just watched.
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