beer is a breakfast round here.

@stateofmaria​

Weekends. For most it was a time to let out a good sigh of relief. For Maria, however, it was a time to take a deep breath and prepare for the weekend crowd which was always her most eccentric. As much as Maria liked to complain, it wasn’t always bad though. She had always enjoyed meeting new people and it was even better when her friends came in to keep her company. Like now. She didn’t even have to look to know who had called her name. As she finished opening a beer for one customer and taking money from the other, she looked over to where Peggy was standing. “Hey Pegs!” She was … alone? Maria certainly didn’t expect that as the Schuylers seemed to always come to Guns & Ships together. At least from what she could remember.  

I feel mildly different now that you think of it that way. I feel more aware, not so much wise, just aware of the changes in my life. 

I’m fine, it’s okay. Really, you don’t need to spend your money, I’ll get to it. Ha, yeah, I’m used to the mom thing, no need to apologize. I’ve basically got three already. Not to complain about that or anything. Uh, just something in the stove for too long. I’d tell you what, but it’s pretty pathetic, so I’ll spare myself and you.

Oh, so you were cooking! That happens all the time. Believe me, it can’t be as pathetic as you think it is.

Are you sure? Not to sound like a mom or anything but if there’s that much smoke, maybe you should lay your head elsewhere for the night. Remind me to put curtains and potholders on my things to buy you list. How’d it happen?

Thanks. Yeah, I feel like a punch to the face is either exactly what I need or the opposite of what I need, so I’ll just bank on the latter and hope it’s the right choice. Ha, yeah, I wish. No, just a minor fire featuring my apartment, so, not the best night.

I’m going to bank on the latter as well. A fire featuring your apartment!? That sounds like the worst song in existence. Are you okay? Do you need anything?

Nope, no one involved but me, so no one to blame but me. There was just a stupid mishap, and I didn’t want anyone at my place, it’s a mess. I thought it better to cancel than forge ahead into more of a disaster.

Well I would certainly never punch you. I like your face too much. Oh -- did you get into a fight with the vacuum?

Greatest apologies to those who were looking forward to Eliza’s birthday celebration, but due to unforeseen events and my own incompetence, I have to cancel. I hope this didn’t mess up too many people’s plans, but I doubt it since it’s only Tuesday and no one actually parties on a Tuesday. So…sorry again, my bad.

Uh oh. Is everything okay? Do I have to punch anyone for you?

Alright, so today, I’m thirty, officially. And from what I’ve read in various Internet columns, I’m supposed to be experiencing a generally large conflict, mid-life crisis, sudden decline, what have you within the next few days, weeks, months, excreta. I’m supposed to feel different, stumped, old. Today, I’m feeling quite the opposite. Fulfilled, happy, not especially different, but thirty. 

You don’t even feel a little different? Like a cloud of super wisdom didn’t suddenly just rain on you or anything? I mean, I’m sure you’re already wise but do you feel a little wiser? 

… I’m now filled with the image of Michelle Obama standing on a street corner trying to catch a Jigglypuff, and it’s giving me so much joy. Bless you for this. Bless you.

A jigglypufff? I think we both know Michelle is going hard for an Evee. 

Oh my gosh, that must have been crazy, 5 kids under one roof! Is there a big age difference, or are all of you around the same age? Angelica is 9 years older than me, and Eliza is 4, so I’ve always been the baby and Angelica’s always been far more grown-up. Do they live around here? No, no it’s just the 3 of us and our parents. Although John & I grew up together, so he’s often referred to as my big brother. Mostly by him, but I don’t mind, it’s sweet and true. I can’t imagine having any other family, they’re all just so fantastic and supportive and ugh, I could go on all day. But I won’t. Oh Angelica definitely is. She was always voicing her opinion, and since I was born when she was just going into her “my way or the high way” phase, I’ve never seen much else. It makes her an amazing lawyer, and she’d always talk to our parents if we weren’t happy about something, so I don’t see many negatives. Sometimes I wasn’t a big fan of when she’d fight with our parents, but I understand. Who can be the loudest? Oh, no I don’t think we ever did. We would get into the occasional arguments and teasing, but I don’t think our parents would have been a big fan of that. I don’t think I’ve pulled that gimmick - should I start? I’m glad you didn’t, that may have started some sort of riot! I can’t say I’m a big Tom Jones fan, so I think you’re safe. Oh my gosh, no way! That would be the pinnacle of embarrassment for me.

A little but I was the oldest so I like to think I kept them in check. We’re all in the same age bracket which I’m sure was hell for my mom, but apparently she loved having babies so she didn’t stop until she was satisfied. I think that’s pretty freakin’ sweet, actually. I’m jealous of anyone who has an older sister to guide them. But nine years is pretty distant. Nah -- I wish. They’re all over the place attending graduate school and college. But I could be wrong since one of them called me yesterday to say he was thinking of quitting med school to become a rapper. He’s up for grabs if you ever want another unofficial brother. You are most definitely allowed to go on all day about your family since I think they’re pretty awesome from what I’ve seen. So, gush away! Please. You should so start that gimmick one day. Just to see if it gives you a day off or at least a coupon for free ice cream. It’s a bar, Pegs. You can totally dance the most embarrassing dance and people will love you for it. You’d officially become the princess of Guns & Ships. I’d crown you king to my queen, but I gave Thomas that title. 

Hey, thank you? That means a lot. I try to love him enough to give the world diabetes, it is my true end goal. Hey, hey, hey. I do not doodle, I write beautiful calligraphy. Get it together, Reynolds. Jeez. Not to mention, I like to draw very intricate mini versions of his face, actually. I would show you sometime, but with the teasing manner you’re giving me, I don’t know if I will. Honestly, if I didn’t have a ten year old little sister who would kill me, I’d say yes. I bet it’s something like chugging alien beer for ten minutes. Do you think their beer is like, psychedelic and shit? Sign me up. – High key, we are if we’d go onto their planet. We’re all aliens in some way or another.

My bad -- beautiful calligraphy it is. Listen, I would love to see the small versions of his face because then I’d take them and make stickers out of them and voila -- your own personal wedding gift. Alexander stickers to stick all over your folders and desk. That’s fair but I’m just saying, I’m her stand in. I am prepared to make it rain flowers down the aisle in the event that she can not. I’m convinced their beer is green and you can hear Jimi Hendrix in the distance when you drink or the alien equivalent to Jimi Hendrix. And then we all end up at their version of woodstock. 

I’m actually the middle child so I’m both the older and the little sister. She was an absolute doll, gave me very little problems though we had Angelica looking after the both of us. I think I should have given her more trouble. I was really quiet and read a lot of books in my alcove. 

Honestly that is adorable! But Peggy, much like you, is very sweet so I can’t imagine you guys ever arguing. Ha, well I always say you’re not truly a younger sibling unless you give your older siblings a little bit of hell. But I could just be saying that cause I am the oldest. 

Oh my goodness, Johnny boy. Your love for Alex is so saccharine sweet, it hurts my teeth. Ooh, do you guys sign your text messages with little hearts? When you write do you doodle Alex’s name everywhere? That’d be adorable. Can I be the flower girl at your wedding?  Yes, yes and yes. The “C” thing would so make sense! I wonder what their gang initiations are like. What do you think they protest? Hey -- well, maybe we’re the aliens. 

Oh, how many siblings do you have? That was probably true for us until I was like, in college. Then again, I could be biased. Angelica’s pretty vocal, so maybe we switch off. Yeah, no Patrick Bateman’s…that I know of. That would be a totally different story. Yeah, the trick is to pretend like you’re listening, so they can’t play their victim card and complain that Peggy thinks she’s too good for them or whatever they say about me. Yeah, I feel like what you’d choose would be the most bar-appropriate, right? You’re the one that knows it the best. Oh, well, that must be, eye-opening. You get to hear what everyone likes, maybe get a feel of the crowd? I’m so sorry, that sounds awful! I promise that whenever I’m there and something like that starts happening, I’ll make sure to change it ASAP.

I have been blessed -- or not so much depending on what day it is -- with four siblings. Three little brothers and a little sister who’s a lot cooler than I’ll ever hope to be. Are Angelica and Eliza your only siblings or are there more Schuylers waiting in the wings? Ha, really? Honestly, that doesn’t surprise me too much, but in a good way. She definitely seems like a woman of force. Did you guys ever have who can be the loudest contest? My sister and I used to play it and then she started pulling the whole “I’m the baby” gimmick and I would always lose. It’s definitely interesting to say the least. It’s New York so I’ve heard things that I didn’t even realize existed. It was hilarious the first seven times but by the eighth play, I damn near unplugged the machine. You are a godsend! You can play whatever you want 40 times in a row .. so long as it isn’t “What’s New, Pussycat?” or “It’s Not Unusual.” Actually -- scratch that. You can play the latter, but you gotta do the carlton dance to it.