FLR WISDOM

"Your husband doesn't just want to be locked up, he wants you to lock him up.

He doesn't want to tease himself, he wants you to wear sexy lingerie and edge him.

He doesn't want to deny himself of sex. He wants you to deny sex and orgasms.

His lack of pleasure doesn't mean you will miss out!

And finally he wants you to be so cruel about it that he wishes he never mentioned it to you."

By udoanything4me,

If I had known how astoundingly easy it would be to control hubby and make him crave opportunities to make me happy, I would have taken control of his orgasms years ago…

It is amazing. It only took five days after his last “self-determined” orgasm for him to become so pliant and malleable that he would agree to wash the dishes every time, forever. It is important to note that he hates washing the dishes. Even more than he hates doing laundry, and almost as much as he hates cleaning the toilets…

Needless to say all of these are his exclusive chores now!

I realised a couple of things early on. One is that it is not a rational thing. He is not saying to himself “I do not want to carry Her purse but I will because maybe She will eventually let me cum”. Instead his brain chemistry is swirling with so much need to please, that it feels good to obey and the idea of not obeying does not even enter his mind.

The second thing I realised was that the orgasm control is self reinforcing. The obedient attitude that comes from not allowing him to cum even makes it hard for him to disobey the command not to cum. You might think that the longer I go without letting him cum the more the pressure builds up and the more rebellious he becomes, but it is not so. The longer we go the more the pressure builds up, but it is pressure directed toward devotion to me, so the longer he goes without cumming the more impossible it becomes for him to cum without my permission. Because it would displease me, and because in that state obeying me feels so natural to him.

Some might ask if I ever let hubby cum at all or do I keep him frustrated forever. The answer is that I do let him cum. The time between his orgasms is usually between one week and one month. I know that many dommes feel that it should go for months and months, but I really find him to become maximally compliant after about two weeks, and any longer does not seem to enhance his subservient feelings.

But why do I bother to let him cum? Here are the reasons:

- It gives him something to look forward to, which makes him extra eager to please. Yes I have him in a perpetual state of being pretty much unable to disobey me, but I do not know if we would be so very eager a boy if he did not know that he would get his reward at some time.

- It is positive reinforcement that I can use for special things. To push him past a limit. For example for a long time hubby could not get himself to wear the little sub-symbol pendant I got for him out of the house. So I made it a condition of his next orgasm, and teased him to the point of insanity and did not let him cum until he promised. The promises I get from him this way seem to burn themselves into his brain. It is awesome.

- I enjoy the power to make him completely explode. I think I get more enjoyment from the power to fuck him up with arousal until he seems like he might die, but the power trip of making him scream and thrash uncontrollably is pretty good too.

- I love him and I like to give him pleasure. I married the man for a reason, you know. He is a beautiful man and a very good boy and he deserves happiness of every kind I can give him…

Written by Mistress Ivey,

Last time, we discussed some of the reasons for milking your partner’s prostate, and why you should not pay any attention to what the Internet says you should do. It’s time we got down to business. Let’s discuss the mechanics of prostate milking, just for the record, and to make sure you are doing it right.

If you look at the photo below, you will see what you have to do. Your finger may need to be a little further in than the photo would make you believe, but you don’t want to push it in too far, either. You should be able to feel his prostate. If it is enlarged, a common malady in older men, barring any serious health issues, it makes no real difference. All you need to do is to rub your finger up and down the prostate to stimulate semen flow.

There are number of positions that you might want to use. If you can place him on his knees with his head down, this is probably the easiest method. Doctors often do it with the patient standing, slightly bent over at the waist.

Use whatever position is easiest for you. Be especially careful not to push your finger(s) in too far. Although this still might work, you will most likely be pressing behind the prostate instead of directly on it.

Don’t be in too big a rush. This can take time, especially when you are just learning to do it. I have spent as much as twenty minutes massaging a prostate before getting any fluid out. The more you practice on the same person, the easier it will become. With practice, you will eventually be able to achieve your goal within a few minutes.

We have discussed the some of the basics of prostate milking, including what you can expect to see. But, again, I must warn you, do not believe what you see or read on the Internet about prostate milking (especially porn videos!). If you stroke your partner’s penis while attempting to milk his prostate, chances are he is going to have a full orgasm instead of the actual prostate ejaculation you were wanting.

Even if all you do is to hold his penis gently in your hand, it may be too much stimulation, and can cause him to have a full ejaculation. If your man is in chastity, I recommend leaving the chastity device in place so you won’t be tempted to fondle the wrong part of his body while doing this. What you are trying to achieve, can be done even if your guy is wearing a chastity device of any kind. In fact, this is one way many women “relieve” their man without having to allow him any kind of “normal” ejaculation.

If you are concerned about what might happen if your husband (or partner) never gets to have an orgasm, prostate milking is an excellent way to get around this. Doctors agree, though there is no hard evidence that abstinence causes any kind of health risk, prostate milking is an excellent way around this.

By milking his prostate, you give him relief (physically) that will prevent any prostate cancer or other related health risks caused by abstinence. Like anything else, practice makes perfect. Or, as they say, the best way to get to Carnegie Hall is practice, practice, practice. Although prostate milking relieves his bodies physical need to ejaculate, it does nothing for his desire for sexual release. That is, none of the after orgasm drop, or inability to achieve an erection.

So if you feel the need to allow your guy to have some sort of orgasm in order to prevent any health risks, I recommend prostate milking. Coupled with anal sex, it can be fun for both partners. If done alone, as a means of humiliation, or just testing his reproductive system, prostate milking can be fun for the both or you. Try it. You just might like it…

By Mz.Kaylee,

Jillags shared this over on BDSMLR and I thought I would comment (after the quote).

"Learning how to lengthen the arousal and erection period while delaying orgasm is an important part of maximizing enjoyment from sex. As the erection proceeds, the physical sensations become increasingly more and more exciting, and the psychological pressure to ejaculate becomes more and more intense. The trick is to learn to keep the stimulation just below the level required for ejaculation while learning to deal with the increasing psychological pressure to ejaculate. Like driving a racing car closer and closer to a wall at ever high speeds, the psychological pleasure becomes more and more intense, the longer the arousal can be maintained without ejaculation, but the greater the enjoyment for the man. Furthermore, the longer this stage can be maintained, the more powerful and enjoyable the orgasm will be for the man. Thus, developing skills for doing this and dealing with the psychological desire to ejaculate for as long as possible are essential for the full enjoyment of partner (and solo) sex, and this is what requires practice. Women usually require a somewhat longer period of time to become fully aroused, so being able to delay orgasm potentially increases the enjoyment of sex by both partners…

Many women believe that men are happier the more frequently they can have intercourse. This is not really accurate. What men truly enjoy is being aroused with their partner (and as their partner is also aroused) while both remain in an aroused state for a long period of time, delaying orgasm for as long as is comfortable and possible…"

So there are a lot of delayed orgasm advocates here, for both men and women.

One thing to add is that there are Eastern Traditions, Tibetan, Tantric, Taoist (check out Mantak Chia) that help men learn to have full body orgasms, circulate their energy, and stay present through these psychologically intense needs that can really strengthen the work of Chastity.

My husband used to fuck me for hours, making me cum many many times, and then end the session without ejaculation.

m not sure of the author or the exact location for the source of this text, BUT from the title I suspect I got it from a website using that same name. Try searching for that, as I recall they had quite a lot of additional information on their take for this type of relationship.

Why Female Led Relationship

Lesson 1

In today’s world, we see massive relationship problems all over the place.  Divorce rates are high, single rates are even higher and only a few relationships are seen as truly happy.  Well, there is a secret out there that can change the face of many relationships currently existing, and new ones to start and flourish where the passion never dies.

That secret is men’s desire.  It’s not a well-kept secret that men are led by their desires, and usually slaves to them in all the wrong ways.  This is why we see rapes and the victims being blamed for the clothes she was wearing rather than the male admitting and accepting responsibility for their own desire being the true culprit.

Men are not taught in sex education classes how to handle their own desire; no, they’re taught to put a condom on a banana to keep healthy and prevent babies.  What they are not taught, is that they can channel that desire for other activities, for creative endeavors, or for enhancing the passion and intimacy within a relationship.  Men have the ability to use their desire for the betterment of all, rather than on selfish needs.

Women in general are more in touch with their bodies, and are not led by desire in the same way that men are, they don’t require sex in order to be intimate with someone, sex has its thrills yes, but it is not the end goal, the end goal is about intimacy and love and nurture, with sex being a part of that.  In many relationships today, sex lives are routine and boring, lacking passion and intimacy, and so the relationship stagnates as a result, which also usually comes with a lack of proper communication.

This is where female led relationships come into play.  A female led relationship, is a simple concept.  It does not mean it has to involve kink or even D/s to any extreme.   It can yes, there are different levels of female led relationships, which I will cover as this blog grows.   However, right now I want to focus on just the idea of a female led relationship, without making it appear strange or weird in any way, so that everyone can understand what it is.

A female led relationship is one where, the woman helps a man understand his desire, helps him be more intimate, passionate, trustworthy, faithful, and above all, loving.  Any male serious about being in a long term relationship, would be wise to listen to what she has to say, and practice what she asks, before judging it.  A female led relationship is about communication, open, honest and genuine communication, and the willingness of both partners to be the best they can be.   That is why female led relationships should become the new normal.

In the next post, I will be talking more about what to expect within a female led relationship, and the wisdom that women have to teach men about desire.

The Return to Chivalry

Lesson 2

Female led relationships bring back chivalry and turn it into a lifestyle. Boys, at a young age, are taught to respect women, to open doors for them, to have manners, pull out a chair for her, and over all, treat her like a princess.  And most men follow these lessons right up until they begin to date a woman.  The first couple of dates a man will court a woman, and just about all women find this incredibly flattering, they love it, and it’s often the deciding factor if that man is worthy of a second third or fourth date.

Yet something happens, after several dates and the relationship has become sexual, the courting gets less.  It may last for several months, but sooner or later, it begins to decline as the relationship progresses, and before you know it, the woman in the relationship is now the one that is supposed to be cooking meals, doing the laundry, and cleaning the house.  The chivalry has died, and the initial attraction often wanes and certain doubts begin to make, usually the woman, question the status of the relationship.

So how does a woman go from being courted, doors held open for her, and her needs and desires being attended to…. To suddenly being the cook and cleaner of the house as we see in so many relationships today?   What changed?  Where did the chivalry attitude go?  Why doesn’t isn’t that chivalry attitude always maintained, as a part of his personality?  Boys growing up are taught chivalry, and girls growing up at taught to be princesses, yet as we age, those roles appear to reverse, and the woman becomes the chivalrous one, making him meals, and cleaning up after him.  Yet this becomes normal, why?

It is because once sex as become a part of the relationship, his desire to treat a woman in a chivalrous way, wanes, because it was his desire to be chivalrous in the first place.  Once sex occurs, the desire fades, once he knows he can get it when he wants it, including masturbation while in the relationship, his desire plummets to low levels of routine orgasms, which takes away the need for chivalry.  It also takes away much intimacy and passion out of the sex life, which is why so many relationships have stale sex lives.   So now, how does the chivalry return?   How do we revert back to the times when a man had a desire to court a woman, to attend to her needs and desires, like he once did at the beginning?

This is where a female led relationship comes into play.  Men desire women, this is no secret, courting and chivalry prove it.  All a woman has to do, to determine if a man is worthy of being in a relationship with her, is to make him wait for sex.  Make him abide by the rules he learned as a boy, that ladies come first.  That includes in the bedroom.  Just by following this one simply rule, every time sex occurs, he will always have the desire to make sure you are satisfied.  And by making him wait, as long as the woman deems necessary, she decides when sex is possible, which means, he will always be chivalrous and in courting mode.   Or he will grow frustrated and he knows where the door is.  This is how a woman knows if he is worth it or not.  She doesn’t have to assert any kind of dominance over him, nor does he have to be submissive, this is about bringing about the natural urges of desire men and women have out, and the lessons we learned as children, and discovering that we are much happier for it.

Vanilla Female Led Relationships

Lesson 3

Contrary to what mainstream media has portrayed female domination to be, female led relationships are not the same thing.   While a female led relationship does focus on a woman’s ability to be a leader, it doesn’t necessarily mean that she must dominate her male partner to be in a successful female led relationship.

The social normal, portrays women to be objects of men’s sexual desire, and so this has many men seeing their desires instead of her beauty.  So when a woman is broken down by a male’s own desire, it is only her body that becomes his focus, and so, as a result, men chase women, and once they have had her body in a sexual way, the woman loses her value to some degree in his eyes.   We see this by the use of hookers, and by the porno industry, one night stands.  How many women out there are wondering what’s going on with their man after a few dates?  So women are broken down to their sexual worth to a man and often tossed aside once that worth has been spent.

Now I am not trying to insult or bring men down by saying these things, these things happen every day, and they are by no means subtle.  It is not men’s fault, it is the conditioning of society that keeps men enslaved by their own desire and their lack of knowledge on how to free themselves from it.  A female led relationship can come in very handy here.  When a woman knows her own worth, and makes a man wait for sex, until she’s truly ready and able to open up to him in trust, she has the power to help him see beyond his own desire, and to see her beauty. He gets to know her personality before sex, and this enables more chemistry to build up, which means, more intimacy and passion will enter the relationship.

When a woman screens men in this way, she filters out all those men who cannot see beyond their desire and only want her for sex.   This is a woman in control, yet not being dominant at all.  She is simply refusing sex, which is her right, until she’s ready, and she will not be pressured.  If she is, she is strong enough to tell him that they aren’t compatible, and she knows her own worth is greater alone, than having a partner that doesn’t compliment her self worth.  When a woman does meet a man that goes the distance, then the framework for a successful relationship has already begun with a solid foundation, and open communication.

Another thing a woman can do, is tell him that he doesn’t get an orgasm until she does, ensuring that she is sexually satisfied, instead of just him.  If he is serious about her, this will be something he will be happy about, and it’s another test for her to determine if he is a good match, and she can continue to do this, every time sex occurs.  It happens too often that men orgasm before their women, and once they have, she usually remains unsatisfied, and we’ve all known women that have never even had an orgasm before!

A female led relationship makes it so it is not only about men’s desire, but also about women’s.  It brings about a balance between them, and this helps them understand each other on a deeper level, a level that breaks through the communication barriers and the social conditioning, to create a relationship based on love, rather than sex.  Intimacy, passion, trust, honesty, and communication become the forefront, the foundation, the lowest level from which the relationship sits.  Which means, it can soar to untold heights, beyond what most people ever experience.  All it takes, is a gentle, vanilla, female led relationship to make all the difference in the world.

Intimacy

Lesson 4

Many relationships only have a surface level of intimacy, which usually duals as foreplay.  The intimacy is short lived, and after sex it must be built up again over time, which continues the cycle of the foreplay / sex routine, which more often than not results in a boring sex life, and a lack of connection in a relationship.  How many couples out there experience their partner often not in the mood?  It’s incredibly common and it’s disastrous to a healthy sex life, and overall a happy relationship.

A female led relationship, changes all of that very quickly.  A female led relationship turns it around, and makes intimacy more important than sex.  As a result, intimacy and foreplay become two entirely different things. As we have discussed in previous lessons, the key to intimacy, is to make a man wait until the woman is ready to have sex, which means, he is going to have to get intimate with her.  So what is intimacy?  

It’s very similar to chivalry, expect it as a much more personal touch and personal connection.  Holding hands is the start of it, and then it morphs into much greater things, such as, simple cuddling without sex after wards, or even the expectation of it.  Just being close to each other physically develops intimacy.  There is also intimacy in laughter, making her laugh, and her making him laugh, develops great bonding, and makes the connection between them more likely to develop further. As the relationship grows, the intimacy deepens, where their personalities blend and mix, and they get a feel for each other.  

Intimacy comes in many forms, including massages, foot rubs, running her a bath, and even doing acts like chores around the house or yard even when not asked to do so.  Intimacy is about effort, a man who puts in effort, without sex being his ultimate goal, will be instantly recognized and appreciated by a woman, and the more attentive to her needs he becomes, the more she will want to take the relationship further, into foreplay, and sex.

So all it takes is effort, this is an effort, that never dies, at any point in the relationship, and it only gets deeper and deeper as it goes, the more they get to know each other.  A woman in a female led relationship will recognize quickly the moment that effort dies down and will question what’s going on, and through open communication about any issues that arise, they will figure it out and solve it.  Intimacy is a big topic, so I will be coming back to it again in other lessons, this is just the basics of it, and why it’s important for a healthy relationship where the connection between them never dies.

Emotional Intelligence

Lesson 5

In lesson 4 we explored intimacy and how to cultivate it and why it’s important to a relationship.  We discovered that it takes effort to be intimate an effort that never dies, and always keeps the passion within the relationship alive.  However, intimacy leads to something much deeper, something that very few relationships ever accomplish, which is also the ultimate goal of a female led relationship.

Intimacy is accomplished by chemistry, effort, and communication.  With these three elements, other things begin to develop which allows the couple to get to know each other on deeper levels.  This is what’s known as emotional intelligence.  Through intimacy, it brings a sense of empathy to the relationship, where even through a simple kiss, you can tell the status of your relationship down to the T.  This is particularly useful in a female led relationship, because it can teach a man, how to read a woman’s emotions and moods, and even act on things without having to be told.   This empathy is a form of intuition, he just senses when she may be upset about something, or what would make her happy, perhaps by doing household chores or making her a nice dinner.  This heightened sense of emotional intelligence adds many flavors to a relationship, and is also used as a monitoring element to determine when the passion may be fading, and to take action immediately when these signs occur.

For a woman, emotional intelligence is more of a natural function, everyone knows what female intuition is, and as she develops a relationship with her male partner, that intuition grows stronger and stronger, giving her more ways of reading his emotional state, to help guide him to being the man he wants to be.  This can give a woman a lot of control if she knows how to use it to her advantage, which in higher level female led relationships, she does exactly that.   However, in lower level female led relationships, this emotional intelligence creates a bond that is stronger than most if not all bonds, both partners have ever had with another human being.

This becomes particularly evident, when D/s comes more into play.  D/s for those who don’t know, means Domination / submission.  Seeing as we are talking about female led relationships, it means the woman is the dominant partner.  Once the intimacy is established, and the effort and communication work to maintain that intimacy (talked about in lessons 1 - 4) emotional intelligence develops trust and vulnerability between the D/s partners.   It enables the deepest and darkest parts of both partners to come out into the light and be seen.  Which means, both partners must break the ice in ways they have never broken it before, and express their desires to break it, where as in daily life, these desires remain only fantasy, and often associated with feelings of guilt for having such fantasies.  Once with a partner where this can be expressed, they connect not only on a physical level, or on a mental level, but also on a deeply spiritual level.

Emotional intelligence allows the couple to see each other naked.  Fully naked.   Spiritually naked.  A nakedness that has long been forgotten by the vast majority of the people that currently live on the planet.  As a result of this nakedness, both partners feel incredibly alive, and connected to each other, and not only to each other, but also to themselves.  They both experience a type of fulfillment in being able to open up to each other so fully, that there is a rush of aliveness, passion, trust, and most importantly vulnerability.    Trust and vulnerability will be talked about in coming lessons, as both of them play vital roles in a female led relationship, especially as they evolve to higher levels.  While most of us believe vulnerability is a bad thing and a weakness, it’s actually the exact opposite.  It’s the source of our greatest strength.  It’s who we are, beyond the masks, it contains our core needs, and to express our core needs, takes tremendous courage, which is why submissive men, are not by any means weak, they’re often stronger emotionally than the toughest macho man that exists.

It is emotional intelligence that connects us with other people, and allows for deep bonds to form.  We currently live in a world that does not promote emotional intelligence at all, and as a result, we are a disconnected species, from nature, from each other, and we see it in our everyday relationships, especially sexual relationships.  Driven by a lust that is not understood, seeking fulfillment that cannot be sought, hopelessly dependent upon external people or material objects to keep us occupied from our own shortcomings.  As a result, wars, pollutions, divorce rates, rapes, abortions, and overpopulation have become major problems in the world.  This is why I write about a new kind of relationship, one that fosters the growth of emotional intelligence, to help bring people back in touch with what matters the most, while at the same time, becoming fulfilled, and living a better life.  Female led relationships offer that promise for anyone willing to explore it.

Trust

Lesson 6

Trust is something that is incredibly easy to build, but next to impossible to rebuild.  It’s easy to build, because all it takes is honesty and integrity.  Trust is built simply by being who you say you are, and a partner will recognize that and start to feel comfortable.  It’s when that honesty and integrity begins to have cracks, when intentions seem to have ulterior motives, or when you do something that doesn’t live up to your word.  Once trust is broken, it’s very hard to reconstruct it, because there is a sense of betrayal, a sense of discomfort with the idea of rebuilding it.  So it’s important in any relationship, not just female led relationships, to focus on building trust right the first time around, and that should be quite simple to do.  As trust builds, it creates a sense of security in a relationship, a sense of knowingness.  You just know your partner is going to be there, and this allows a couple to open up to each other in new ways.

Yet in most relationships, trust is not built long enough, it has a shaky foundation, and the relationship moves too fast, and we all know what happens when trust isn’t fully established.   First, after sex occurs, you begin to see all sorts of character flaws, and you begin to see who they really are, which is not what you signed on for.  How many of you have had this happen to you?  After a couple months you see their true colors, and you discover that they were putting on an act, trying to impress you the entire time.  The integrity wanes, the honesty disappears, and the trust gets broken.

Female led relationships shatter this possibility.   When a woman knows what she wants, and goes after it with confidence and never settles for less, no man can put on an act long enough that she won’t see through.  This forces a man to be honest, and have integrity from the start.  If she is serious about a relationship, then she doesn’t have to be anyone other than herself, he will either, fall for her and want to continue being with her, which means, maintaining the honesty and integrity, or it will end.  It’s a perfect way to weed out the partners not suited for each other.  It’s also the perfect way to match those that are.   Once that trust is established and the integrity holds, magic happens.  New comfort levels emerge, a new kind of sexual communication and play opens up.   Intimacy has more depth.  A woman that can open fully in trust sexually to her partner, has greater and more rewarding orgasms.  Because trust opens her heart. 

Female led relationships, thrive on trust.  Trust allows her to direct the relationship, and it also allows him to follow her guidance.   He trusts her intuition, and she trusts he’ll support her. As this trust deepens, she begins to lead the relationship with more confidence as there is enough trust, to expand and grow with each other, which enables her to explore new possibilities with him at her side.  This keeps the relationship fresh and exciting.   Many relationships don’t actually have anyone who takes the lead, and so no one does, resulting in arguments over simple decisions such as where to eat for dinner.  So the development of trust, enough for someone to lead, is a major step in creating a relationship more in harmony, and much fewer arguments.  When issues do arrive, they are talked about, and with careful consideration, she’ll make the decision, and he’ll honor it because of trust.  Open communication is a key factor in it all as well, but trust is ultimately what makes it work.

Trust works on many levels of a relationship, so it’s important to build, and witness its building, cultivate it intentionally, so that you recognize where it is weak so it can be made stronger.  This takes work from both partners.  Keep strengthening the trust, it can never be too strong.   It’s also very healthy to practice trust exercises.  This can be done sexually, or it can be done simply by asking your partner to fall backward into your arms, or whatever creative means you can come up with.  Be creative, play with it.  Laugh with it, have fun with it.  Make trust a trait of the relationship, not just a background expectation.  Engage it.   As often as possible.  So many relationships, people argue over their partner looking at a good looking person walking by.  Because they don’t trust their partner isn’t having dirty thoughts.   Develop trust in this area, other people exist, but they’re with you, so tell your partner, that while other good looking people exist, you want your partner.  Remind them that you want them, it makes them feel special and that builds trust.  Which means, a happier more fulfilling relationship, who doesn’t want that?

Vulnerability

Lesson 7

In lesson 6, we talked about trust and how to build it and why it’s important.  Trust is important to build, because it enables both partners to open more of themselves up to the other.  It allows for a deeper knowing, of deepest and darkest parts of their personality to become known.  This is known as vulnerability, and it is something most relationships, of any kind, that is protected.  When trust is broken, the last thing anyone wants to do, is allow themselves to be vulnerable to anyone ever again, because it hurts too much if they betray you.   Some people call it heart break.  

Ultimately, it is vulnerability that is everyone’s goal even if they don’t know it.  We all want to meet someone that we can open up to, that we can be completely and totally ourselves too.  Someone that simply just gets us, despite how confusing it may be even too ourselves.  Someone that is there to tell us that it is okay to cry, that it okay to express, that it is okay to want to explore new things and ideas.  And that we are there for them no matter what.   We all want someone that enables us to be completely and totally ourselves, and that means allowing them to see the little boy or girl within. Trust allows this type of vulnerability, and all relationships, not just female led relationships, should cultivate it, and get to know your partner in this way.

In a female led relationship, vulnerability plays a very important role, especially as they evolve to higher levels.   Which I will be talking about in lessons to come.  For now, I’m just going to stick with how it applies to lower levels.  If you have been reading the previous lessons, you understand that I am creating a formula for starting a female led relationship, and why certain things are necessary.  Intimacy, trust, and vulnerability, form the foundation of a female led relationship.   With both partners agreeing that she will lead at least in the bedroom, it’s important to take time to get to know your partners desires, and fantasies, no matter how deep or dark or twisted they are.  It’s healthy to talk about it, for both partners.  It helps you understand your partner better, and it doesn’t mean you have to follow through with any of it, but with it out in the open, you will both feel much better. This is the beginning of vulnerability.  Simply talking about these things, is a humbling experience, for both.  

This gives a woman in an FLR something to work with, and enables her to lead more effectively, while there is an understanding that sex is up to her, it’s great for her to know what makes him tick and can choose to engage him in that way if she wants to.  So vulnerability becomes an important aspect of the relationship from that moment forward.   It becomes a leadership tool for her to use.  Where as for him, he follows her lead, which means, his vulnerability can be engaged at any time.  This makes for an incredible dynamic of D/s and allows for lots of room for growth and improvement for both of them.  

Once vulnerability has been established, a great weight is lifted off both partners, as they are free to be themselves, this makes both partners feel free, even in a D/s dynamic.  Freedom of expression, is vulnerability.  So many people, of all walks of life, curb their freedom of expression, because they don’t want to be vulnerable to others opinions or judgments.   It’s called taboo by society.  A female led relationship breaks taboo, shatters it in fact, and makes freedom of expression the lifestyle, the point of the relationship.  So both partners can live together, with their true colors fully exposed, and this creates a stronger foundation for a relationship, it’s simply built to last longer, and be more fulfilling.  Vulnerability is strength in disguise, for when you can truly be vulnerable, and continue to be more and more vulnerable, the relationship only gets stronger.  Vulnerability can lead to humility, but that’s for higher level female led relationships, which will be talked about in later lessons, so stay tuned!

Inside the Bedroom

Lesson 8

In previous lessons we have talked about how to build a steady foundation and a strong emotional connection with a partner through female led guidance.  We touched on the idea that ladies should always come first in the bedroom to ensure that both partners are satisfied  This lesson is going to cover some ways of enjoying sexual activity in the bedroom with female led guidance so that the sex life in the relationship is exceptional.  

There are three primary ways of having a good sex life in a female led relationship, a couple does not have to stick to one single possible way, and can interchange these approaches as they see fit, according to mood, or preference, it’s fully customizable, but I’m going to explain them all individually, and you can play with them as you understand and practice them formulating your own exciting sex life.  Sex in a female led relationship is always centered on female pleasure, and as a result, both partners are sexually fulfilled.  The three main ways are, Her pleasure first, his second… Deep intimate love making with something called Karezza… And lastly, female domination and male submission.

The first is pretty self-explanatory, without dominating, a woman will guide her male to romance her, and court her.  The chivalry in this relationship never dies, and he focuses on helping her to relax, and puts aside his own desire for now.   She may want a nice fully body massage, or her feet rubbed, there is lots of foreplay, warming her up, getting her ready, and he will take the time to ensure she is ready.  There can be lots of cuddling leading up to it, or it could be just passionate making out, with him usually going down on her and bringing her to orgasm.  She will be ready for intercourse afterwards and make passionate love to him until he finally has his release, and perhaps they climax together.  In a female led relationship, he never cums first.  The reason for this, is because once he has cum, he will no longer want to be passionate or intimate with her, his enthusiasm will have been lost, and this is a common problem in so many relationships.  Female led relationships never have this problem.

The second way, is a little more elaborate and much more intimate.  All the things from the first way are valid, except when it comes to penetration.   There is a practice called Karezza.  Which is where a male learns to have intercourse without ejaculation.  Once he is inside her, instead of the usual way to have sex, they both simply stop and enjoy the embrace.  After a few moments of not moving, and looking into each others eyes, enjoying each others presence, a very intimate connection is formed.  Most men do not know, that ejaculation and orgasm, are actually two separate functions of the body, they do not have to act as one single function, they can be separated.  Men can learn to do this, and when they do, they are capable of having orgasms without ejaculation, and not just genital orgasms, they can have fully body orgasms.   Full body orgasms do not require the frictional movement of a regular orgasm, they require a build up of sexual energy, generated through extreme arousal.  Karezza being a perfect way of doing that.  The longer a couple maintains penetration with him remaining hard inside her, the more energy builds up, and both partners can feel it, and as they absorb into each other due to the intimacy, they can actually lose their sense of physicality.   They can feel one with their partner, to the point where they don’t know where one begins and the other ends.  The full body orgasm that results from this, is a shared orgasm, and it creates a very strong bond between them.  Some people call this soul mating, and it’s also well known about by those who practice tantric sex or taoism.  Feel free to research this.  It does take a willing male, and a strong male, as he must be able to hold back his ejaculation, it can take time and practice, but it is a way of sex that is incredibly beautiful to explore, and very fulfilling not just on a pleasurable scale, but also on a spiritual one.

Karezza can also be used to increase a males stamina.   The epidemic in our culture today, is that males simply don’t know how to last very long, and usually cum far too soon.  By having a male practice Karezza, his stamina can be increased to the point in which, a female can decide even if he gets to cum at all, while at the same time, he lasts long enough for her to orgasm.  So Karezza is a very good practice to look into, and have males learn how to really be good in the bedroom.  It will increase his confidence, and she will get much more pleasure out of it.  Which is what a female led relationship is all about.

The third way, is much much more complicated, and can take both the first and the second way and combine them and add its own qualities as it sees fit.  The third way is not just a female led relationship, it’s also a dominant / submissive relationship.  Both partners have admitted to being dominant and submissive, and from there, the woman will lead the man to focus on her pleasure only while training him to let go of all his own desires.   This makes the female led relationship, very much female led.  She can have him focusing on her pleasure only for weeks at a time, without allowing him to cum at all.  This is known as orgasm denial, and as a sub male, he will give up all orgasms to her making any and all sexual release entirely her decision.  The longer she keeps him denied, the more submissive he becomes, which makes this type of relationship very interesting, as it can get more and more intense as it goes, making it a relationship that never has a dull moment, and is always focused on continuous growth for both partners.  There are many levels of a D/s relationship, and in later lessons I will be talking more about those levels, and certain strategies on how to enhance the D/s aspect.  I would also like to point out, that being in a D/s relationship to many, appears strange or weird from the outside looking in.  This is because they have not tried it, those who try it, usually never go back.   Both partners are more fulfilled and happier than they ever thought they could be.  If they find they don’t like it, they’re always able to go back to the old way, so there is nothing to lose and everything to gain.  Be open to it.

Female led relationships offer deep intimacy, and spiritual connection, because women are free to use their natural desires, rather than his.  When a male focuses on her desires, by default, he gets more of what he wants, simply because his orgasms are stronger the more aroused he is.  So it’s a win win for both.  When a woman can express her natural desires, with a male devoted to helping her do that, women experience a sort of liberation, of sexual freedom.  This is something that many women out there desperately need, as many women dislike their bodies and have a total lack of confidence as a result of that.  Women want to feel valued, and they want to express their desires, and they want a male to listen to them and help them. How many women out there would just love a man with this understanding?  Female led relationships thrive on that understanding.

If you are a sub male reading this, please reblog.

Outside the Bedroom

Lesson 9

What does a female led relationship look like outside the bedroom?  In lesson 8, I talked about the various ways it looks like inside the bedroom. There are various ways it can look, outside the bedroom as well, as it depends on the couple.  One major aspect that each way has in common however, is that a male values the opinions and judgments of the female.  As a result of this, there is generally much more affection and closeness, a deeper connection.  When they are apart from each other, they will miss each other greatly.  When they are together, there is much more romance and chemistry.  There are more dinners out, or in, perhaps by candle light.  A male may bring her flowers or surprise her with compliments or show his appreciation for her in some way or another.  A male can come up with creative ways to do this.  Just the act of spending some time together giving each other undivided attention, is something that can be rare in many relationships.  Males that do this, will find that females open up much more to them, as long as it’s genuine without ulterior motives!

As I have mentioned in lessons 1 - 7 about developing connections, and her controlling the sex life, a male will take joy in romance and intimacy and will strive for it. With a male strong enough to surrender his sex drive, he will become much more productive in every other aspect of his life.  He will have the extra energy to accomplish anything.  Work will no longer make him as fatigued, no matter how physical, or mental, he will always have this extra boost.  Many women are familiar with asking their man to do something and it takes him the better part of 6 months to actually do it. This attitude completely disappears, no matter how long you’ve been together, in female led relationship.  This extra energy goes into improving both of their lives, making both happier as a result. 

He will have so much energy that he may not know what to do with himself, so it is encouraged that he explores creative endeavors, he can take up a yoga or meditation practice to help manage the energy. He will also want to focus attention on his partner, and she should welcome that attention.  It is that attention that brings you closer together, and creating deeper connection and more intimacy. He will want to be involved and curious about all aspects of her femininity.  He will have a desire to understand her, how her body works, why she likes certain fashion items, and she should encourage him to learn.  If she lets him participate in things like, painting her nails, or shaving her legs, or washing her hair, and yes, getting to know her monthly cycle, it will develop massive amounts of trust, and relaxedness between them.  

Most men don’t know a thing about femininity.   All they know, is that it’s attractive, what they don’t know the internal workings behind why it is attractive.   So it’s attractive without understanding, which means, he can never truly connect with her until that understanding is achieved.  A male that wants to understand, and be in tune with her body, and her preferences, will know his partner on levels the vast majority of other relationships never reach.  So it’s important that a woman uses her partners desire, to get to really know her outside of sex.  He will be more than willing, and curious to learn with her in control of the sex life, that is key.   It’s why I’ve stressed this from lesson 1.  

As the relationship progresses, and as the trust and connection is formed, and they get to know each other on these levels, and he loses his fear of femininity, he will come to respect her decisions more.  Once he has lost that fear of femininity, he will be much more willing to participate in things she likes, he will no longer fear chick flicks, dancing, massaging, cooking or whatever other activity he may not have done before. Women love to be pampered, let him learn how. This will increase chemistry.  They will develop more things in common.  So they will get the best of both worlds.  What woman doesn’t want a man that is interested in doing things she likes?  I’ve known many women that have wished their man was into something, but couldn’t get him to be, as a result, creating a bit of a void between them.  A willing male doesn’t have to be included in these activities, she can have her own space if she wants it, but the feeling of knowing that he will happily be by her side, is a very nice sense of security within the relationship.  Which also gives him space to do what he wants.  Balance is key.  But the best of both worlds is also key for a healthy relationship.  

In higher level female led relationships, a woman can take full control of all decision making, including finances, with a male that trusts her completely.  It is not a requirement that the relationship go to this extreme, but many find that it’s what they want as they evolve their relationship more and more in that direction.  Others find a healthy balance between the two, and D/s doesn’t enter into the relationship outside the bedroom to any major degree, and it doesn’t have to.  Some female led relationships practice 24/7 D/s and both partners are happier than they have ever been. Others like to have a more empowered and productive male creating a balance of D/s, still giving her the majority of decisions.  The point of a female led relationship is that the male respects her judgment before making decisions on his own.  Everything should at least be run by her first, and that does not diminish his masculinity in the slightest, in fact, it can enhance it. Masculinity can be harnessed by a woman, and her femininity can complement and bring out his masculinity in ways he never imagined possible.  A true masculine man, is a man that does not fear femininity, but rather seeks to understand it. He lets her guide him and lead him.  Inside and outside of the bedroom.

Body Worship

Lesson 10

In previous lesson we have discussed the importance of intimacy, emotional connection, trust, vulnerability and the dynamics of female led relationships and why they work.  Now I would like to take it a level deeper, about the potential and possibilities that can emerge from such a relationship, while still not going too far into D/s territory.  One thing that is often absent from most relationships, is the idea of body worship. Too often foreplay is cut short by sex, which is like simply watching the knockout punch and calling it a fight.  It loses its purpose when sex is always the goal. Female led relationships can offer males the opportunity to show their appreciation and gratitude for the female body.

Let’s face it, males love the female form.  There is something about female beauty that captivates most males and they will go to sometimes extreme measures, intelligent and stupid, to impress an attractive woman, simply based on only her looks.  The female form is desired, it is attractive, like the flame is to the moth. The moth must treat it with respect, honor and appreciation, or it will get burned.  The moth must worship the flame, if it is to enjoy its light and heat.  A female led relationship understands this and uses this analogy in the same way in human relationships. Women love attention, there is no denying this.  Women love to feel beautiful, they love to feel wanted, they love to feel cherished and respected and honored.  However, due to the way our society is run, many women, are their own worst enemy when it comes to liking their own bodies.  Many never feel good enough, like there is some sort of idea of perfection, that they cannot attain, because even they don’t know what perfection is.  With many males simply desiring women as sexual objects, it is very rare that a male can make a woman feel comfortable in her own skin. In previous lessons, I’ve talked about developing trust, which is fundamental to helping her develop this comfort in her own body. This is where body worship comes into play.

Once you have established a female led relationship based on previous lessons, body worship is the next step.  It can be, more often than not, initiated by the male, but it can also be brought up by the female if she is more dominant.  Body worship is not a sexual act.  It is something that should occur often, with a willingness, and eagerness on his part.  It can include many activities, one of which, is simply, conversation.  The male can simply tell her what makes her beautiful, tell her that she’s appreciated, and this can be followed by actions.   Anything from massage to masturbation or from giving her a bath and washing her hair to painting her nails or helping her shave. There is no rush, everything should be done with care and respect, and she should encourage him to learn, and accept his help in all the feminine areas of her life, exclude nothing, teach him. Teach him about your period, teach him about putting on make up, doing your nails, shaving, or waxing, about perfumes, or fashion.  He can be doing all of this with you, instead of watching sports.  One good rule to have in a female led relationship is to set aside 30 minutes, at least, every day, of total dedication to you and your body.

Remember that this is not a sexual act.  Body worship should never be turned into something sexual for him, because the moment it is, body worship becomes a reward based activity, and so he develops ulterior motives.  He should be doing it out of pure devotion to you, celebrating you as a woman, and his leader.  Enjoy his attention and service, and keep him in line, by never sexualizing this activity.   This will actually make him crave to do it more often, it will create a deeper respect for you, as it shows authority and strength.

Body worship can be a tremendously fun activity, as once both partners are comfortable with it, it can be playful and very teasing for him and satisfying for her. Which develops greater intimacy, and makes him more submissive, which is often where female led relationships move into deeper levels of D/s which will be talked about in later lessons.  The main point of body worship is for the male to show and prove that his devotion to her goes beyond her looks, beyond makeup, beyond what she wears, that he honors her personality, and helps her feel completely accepted in her body 24/7.  She should never doubt what he thinks, and he should never give her reason to.  This attitude will help her develop a mindset that she is worthy, which will make her more confident, not just in the relationship, but in every aspect of her life.  He empowers her.   That is what a good male does in a female led relationship. Worship and empower her every day. Body worship is the key to deeper levels, and most males, always want to go deeper.  She will take you deeper at her own pace, through your undying devotion, there’s no rush.  Women never have to rush, and always maintain full control of what and how he can or can’t worship.  However don’t be too strict ladies, let him show his appreciation and devotion and just relax, its non sexual for him remember?

The Submissive Male

Lesson 11

Let’s take a step back for a moment and take a look at what a submissive male actually is.  Not all men are meant to be submissive, however, there are many that either, know they are, or are curious about it.  There are also many, that if exposed to the idea of submission, would be curious to explore it as it calls to them deep within.  The reason we don’t see too many openly submissive males in society is because there is a very big taboo against them that instantly makes them feel like it’s wrong to express that they have submissive desires with their partners.  Often, the moment they do, their partner gets the wrong idea, they can jump to many different conclusions that may or may not be true, but they shut it down before discovering what it really means.

One of those conclusions, is that he is gay or weak, and wants to wear women’s clothes and be a sissy. This is a very common mindset that many men and women automatically have, when it has nothing to do with being gay, and quite possibly nothing to do with wearing women’s clothes or being a sissy.  First of all, there is a big misunderstanding about what makes a person gay, and what doesn’t. Being gay, has only 1 trait, and only 1, and that is, if they are attracted to, and want a relationship with the same sex and not the opposite sex.   That’s it.  Everything else, including a male wanting to engage in anal play, is not gay, wearing women’s clothes, is not gay.  Yes, it’s different, might seem a little strange to those who have never explored sexuality, but it’s not gay. So drop that idea right now.

Second, the idea that submission is weak is also wrong.   For a male to admit that he has submissive tendencies, and who chooses to put her desires before his own, is far from weak.  Weak is rapists and those who lack self-control.  A submissive man must be strong in order to submit, he must give up control to someone else, and that takes bravery and courage, and if he is accepted by his partner, it greatly enhances intimacy and allows him to actually be more of the man he is, because he can finally express himself the way he naturally is.  That takes strength.

Third, not all submissive males, are into wearing women’s clothes, and prefer to remain masculine.  Yes, there are some submissive men that do desire to wear women’s clothes, and instead of judging them, ask them why they want to, ask them what it is that draws them to it.  They do it because they want to explore their feminine side, they are curious about women, and they want to understand them, and by wearing her clothes, he can get an idea of what it’s like, it generates understanding for him.  He may also enjoy wearing women’s clothes because they can be incredibly comfy compared to male clothes, different materials, skin hugging, can stimulate his libido, which makes him feel more in touch with his body, which is where that understanding  comes from.  It brings him in touch with his feminine side, and as a result, he learns more, and gets to take a break from uncomfortable masculine clothes that really don’t promote getting in touch with his body.

It’s important to understand the submissive nature that some males have.  It is not something that they have control over.  They can suppress it yes, but it is still a need that they will always want to fulfill with their partner.  For many men in relationships where their partner is not open to it, they resign themselves to a mediocre sex life with a constant longing for more.  It is a part of who he is, at his core, it’s not something that he can just forget about.  Which is why it is so essential for his partner to at least be open to exploring it a little bit, than to shut it down without another word, based on opinions and judgments that society has instilled. When a partner opens up to this core need of his, the relationship flows smoother and both partners become happier as a result, as it greatly enhances their sex lives, in ways they may not have imagined, as the idea of D/s evolves by personal touch over time.

There are many different types of submissive males, which can range from rather mild, to rather extreme.  However, if his partner understands that his core need is to submit, she soon discovers, that she can control how mild or how extreme things will get, and when that is realized, the true potential, and realization of what D/s is all about emerges.  When sexuality is explored like this in a D/s relationship, there is a great sense of freedom, a sort of liberation, that can come from nowhere else.  The ability to express submission, or domination, enables both partners to explore their desire, rather than conquer it, and that brings fulfillment and intimacy, and connection, as mentioned in previous lessons.

So ladies, when your partner suggests to you that he is submissive, at least, let him explain himself, and perhaps entertain the idea until you decide if you like it or not.  Ask questions!  Even if you find that it’s not for you, he will very much appreciate your efforts, and that alone will help the whole relationship, as communication is open, and there are no secret desires hiding in the background.  Sometimes we just have to push beyond the opinions and views society wants us to have, and discover our own.  Submissive males, just dream of women open enough to at least listen.

The Dominant Female

Lesson 12

Dominant females are a rare breed. They are not rare because it’s not natural, but because from birth, and for generations, women have been conditioned away from the dominant role.  For thousands of years women have been portrayed as the weaker sex, the fairer sex, the physically inferior gender.  Yet we know that there is much more to being human, than simply how big our muscles are. Scientific evidence shows us that women have many advantages over men, in pretty much everything else.  Women have a higher pain tolerance, live longer, and have a stronger sense of smell.  Women are better at multitasking, and are generally cleaner than men.  IQ tests suggest that women are smarter than men and the gap is increasing. Women are in touch with their bodies more than men allowing them to know themselves, and have greater intuition than men. Women are less aggressive and less violent, making them better leaders and better drivers. Even female immune systems are stronger and work more efficiently than males due to having two complete X chromosomes. From a scientific standpoint, the female gender is superior to the male gender in almost all ways.  Yet we have a lack of sexually dominant women in the world, because society has instilled the belief, that physical inferiority, makes women inferior to men. So scientific evidence, matters not, what matters is the mindset of a woman.

From birth on up through adulthood, women are constantly bombarded with how they ought to dress, look, talk, walk, and act. With terms such as, “you throw like a girl,” being used to insult the entire female gender, and instill the mindset in males that anything female is weak.   If a male cries, and his male friends are nearby, you’ll often hear, “what a pussy,” being uttered in the background. As we grow up with these phrases in our culture, it makes males believe they’re superior, and females believe they’re inferior.  This results in women that don’t understand men, and men that don’t understand women, because naturally, they feel differently, but they’re afraid to express how they truly feel, because society doesn’t deem it as normal.   That is why so many submissive men hide in the closet, afraid to tell their wives they’re submissive.  Women on the other hand, have no idea that they can be dominant, they have no idea, why they would even want to be, yet, they’re not satisfied with the men in their life, because they never do what she wants.

It usually takes some sort of a catalyst for a woman to open up to the idea, and it’s usually a process that must occur over a great period of time, perhaps many failed relationships, or raising a child and understanding how to put her foot down.  Or running a business and discovering what it’s like to be the boss.   It can happen in any number of ways, but generally if it’s brought up suddenly, it goes against everything she’s been conditioned to believe, so when a male admits he’s submissive, she’ll dismiss it as weird and perverted immediately.  This is how taboo’s are created in our society, and why so many people are afraid to tell others who they really are and what they’re into.  

There are a few women who have dominant tendencies from when they’re young, and it doesn’t take them very long to understand how easy it is to control men and get what she wants, in fact many women often use that ability, not to attract men, but to get out of things like speeding tickets or favors from their male friends. Many discover that they have an ability to manipulate men based on their attraction to them, to some degree. But this is often only temporary and doesn’t lead into a D/s relationship most of the time.  It must go deeper than that, and that comes to the issue, that most women have, and that is self-worth and sexual guilt.

Female desire is something that is not acknowledged very often, and most women grow up dating men that care only about their own sexual pleasure, leaving a woman unfulfilled, and women settle for this because they often don’t know it can be any other way.  They feel guilty to have their own desires and fantasies and so they never explore it, and sadly, it’s not uncommon for a woman to go her entire life without ever even having an orgasm at all.  Society is driven toward male desire, it’s in advertisements, it’s in movies, it’s in porn, and it pervades our culture on all levels.  Female desire is something that is seen as naughty and is much more subtle in our culture.   You don’t see movies very often, where the female has an orgasm, but there’s hundreds of movies where the male does. So all of this conditioning has women believing that sex is mainly for his pleasure, and shame themselves for wanting anything else.  This tied in directly to their self-worth.  Because women are hit from other angles as well, about having the perfect body.

It’s a well known fact that most women constantly monitor how they look, and who is looking at them.  It’s also well known that most women, hate their bodies or parts of their bodies throughout the day.  They’re always striving to look better, and be more attractive, often giving them all sorts of unwanted attention, which we see all throughout our culture, often blaming women for rape, because of what she was wearing.   This hatred for their body is what makes women give their power away, not only to men, but to all the industries that profit from female self-esteem.  Beauty products, fashion trends, and on and on it goes, billion dollar industries profiting from making women hate themselves, in order to sell them a product with the promise of beauty they already possess.

When a woman finally wakes up to the fact that she’s been lied to and conditioned away from being empowered, she stops playing the game.  This not only transforms her life in the self-worth department, but also in the relationship one. When a woman values herself enough that she doesn’t require validation from other women, or men, she becomes immune to all those putting on an act.   She is able to see through the facade, no male can catcall her or use one liners or be pigs in any way, because she is able to shut them down outright using self-confidence.  She has a sense of self-worth that tells her, what she doesn’t want, and so she is comfortable with herself, being alone, so she will not settle for less, until she finds a male that suits her.  This is the birth of the alpha female.  Some women discover this at a young age, others need a catalyst of some sort, but the amount of women that exist that are alpha female but don’t know it, are massive.  In the same way the amount of submissive men that exist, are massive. Over recent decades, we have seen the rise of women, it has not been subtle.

More and more women are beginning to figure out the power that they possess, and they are beginning to take control of their relationships.  All they need to do, is assert a little bit of authority, and watch as their male partner melts before her. Even the simple demand of making him give her an orgasm before himself, is enough for a male to suddenly develop an entirely new respect for her, and it can be very erotic at the same time. Most women love the idea of getting what they want, they love the idea of being pampered and massaged, and have candle lit dinners, and intimate times. The issue, is getting that from their male partner.   If a woman asserts a small amount of authority, she will discover that, she can assert even more authority over time. Not in a bitchy way, but in a loving way.  This sparks within men a desire to please her, and suddenly she starts getting all those things she’s always wanted. 

m not sure of the author or the exact location for the source of this text, BUT from the title I suspect I got it from a website using that same name. Try searching for that, as I recall they had quite a lot of additional information on their take for this type of relationship.

Why Female Led Relationship

Lesson 1

In today’s world, we see massive relationship problems all over the place.  Divorce rates are high, single rates are even higher and only a few relationships are seen as truly happy.  Well, there is a secret out there that can change the face of many relationships currently existing, and new ones to start and flourish where the passion never dies.

That secret is men’s desire.  It’s not a well-kept secret that men are led by their desires, and usually slaves to them in all the wrong ways.  This is why we see rapes and the victims being blamed for the clothes she was wearing rather than the male admitting and accepting responsibility for their own desire being the true culprit.

Men are not taught in sex education classes how to handle their own desire; no, they’re taught to put a condom on a banana to keep healthy and prevent babies.  What they are not taught, is that they can channel that desire for other activities, for creative endeavors, or for enhancing the passion and intimacy within a relationship.  Men have the ability to use their desire for the betterment of all, rather than on selfish needs.

Women in general are more in touch with their bodies, and are not led by desire in the same way that men are, they don’t require sex in order to be intimate with someone, sex has its thrills yes, but it is not the end goal, the end goal is about intimacy and love and nurture, with sex being a part of that.  In many relationships today, sex lives are routine and boring, lacking passion and intimacy, and so the relationship stagnates as a result, which also usually comes with a lack of proper communication.

This is where female led relationships come into play.  A female led relationship, is a simple concept.  It does not mean it has to involve kink or even D/s to any extreme.   It can yes, there are different levels of female led relationships, which I will cover as this blog grows.   However, right now I want to focus on just the idea of a female led relationship, without making it appear strange or weird in any way, so that everyone can understand what it is.

A female led relationship is one where, the woman helps a man understand his desire, helps him be more intimate, passionate, trustworthy, faithful, and above all, loving.  Any male serious about being in a long term relationship, would be wise to listen to what she has to say, and practice what she asks, before judging it.  A female led relationship is about communication, open, honest and genuine communication, and the willingness of both partners to be the best they can be.   That is why female led relationships should become the new normal.

In the next post, I will be talking more about what to expect within a female led relationship, and the wisdom that women have to teach men about desire.

The Return to Chivalry

Lesson 2

Female led relationships bring back chivalry and turn it into a lifestyle. Boys, at a young age, are taught to respect women, to open doors for them, to have manners, pull out a chair for her, and over all, treat her like a princess.  And most men follow these lessons right up until they begin to date a woman.  The first couple of dates a man will court a woman, and just about all women find this incredibly flattering, they love it, and it’s often the deciding factor if that man is worthy of a second third or fourth date.

Yet something happens, after several dates and the relationship has become sexual, the courting gets less.  It may last for several months, but sooner or later, it begins to decline as the relationship progresses, and before you know it, the woman in the relationship is now the one that is supposed to be cooking meals, doing the laundry, and cleaning the house.  The chivalry has died, and the initial attraction often wanes and certain doubts begin to make, usually the woman, question the status of the relationship.

So how does a woman go from being courted, doors held open for her, and her needs and desires being attended to…. To suddenly being the cook and cleaner of the house as we see in so many relationships today?   What changed?  Where did the chivalry attitude go?  Why doesn’t isn’t that chivalry attitude always maintained, as a part of his personality?  Boys growing up are taught chivalry, and girls growing up at taught to be princesses, yet as we age, those roles appear to reverse, and the woman becomes the chivalrous one, making him meals, and cleaning up after him.  Yet this becomes normal, why?

It is because once sex as become a part of the relationship, his desire to treat a woman in a chivalrous way, wanes, because it was his desire to be chivalrous in the first place.  Once sex occurs, the desire fades, once he knows he can get it when he wants it, including masturbation while in the relationship, his desire plummets to low levels of routine orgasms, which takes away the need for chivalry.  It also takes away much intimacy and passion out of the sex life, which is why so many relationships have stale sex lives.   So now, how does the chivalry return?   How do we revert back to the times when a man had a desire to court a woman, to attend to her needs and desires, like he once did at the beginning?

This is where a female led relationship comes into play.  Men desire women, this is no secret, courting and chivalry prove it.  All a woman has to do, to determine if a man is worthy of being in a relationship with her, is to make him wait for sex.  Make him abide by the rules he learned as a boy, that ladies come first.  That includes in the bedroom.  Just by following this one simply rule, every time sex occurs, he will always have the desire to make sure you are satisfied.  And by making him wait, as long as the woman deems necessary, she decides when sex is possible, which means, he will always be chivalrous and in courting mode.   Or he will grow frustrated and he knows where the door is.  This is how a woman knows if he is worth it or not.  She doesn’t have to assert any kind of dominance over him, nor does he have to be submissive, this is about bringing about the natural urges of desire men and women have out, and the lessons we learned as children, and discovering that we are much happier for it.

Vanilla Female Led Relationships

Lesson 3

Contrary to what mainstream media has portrayed female domination to be, female led relationships are not the same thing.   While a female led relationship does focus on a woman’s ability to be a leader, it doesn’t necessarily mean that she must dominate her male partner to be in a successful female led relationship.

The social normal, portrays women to be objects of men’s sexual desire, and so this has many men seeing their desires instead of her beauty.  So when a woman is broken down by a male’s own desire, it is only her body that becomes his focus, and so, as a result, men chase women, and once they have had her body in a sexual way, the woman loses her value to some degree in his eyes.   We see this by the use of hookers, and by the porno industry, one night stands.  How many women out there are wondering what’s going on with their man after a few dates?  So women are broken down to their sexual worth to a man and often tossed aside once that worth has been spent.

Now I am not trying to insult or bring men down by saying these things, these things happen every day, and they are by no means subtle.  It is not men’s fault, it is the conditioning of society that keeps men enslaved by their own desire and their lack of knowledge on how to free themselves from it.  A female led relationship can come in very handy here.  When a woman knows her own worth, and makes a man wait for sex, until she’s truly ready and able to open up to him in trust, she has the power to help him see beyond his own desire, and to see her beauty. He gets to know her personality before sex, and this enables more chemistry to build up, which means, more intimacy and passion will enter the relationship.

When a woman screens men in this way, she filters out all those men who cannot see beyond their desire and only want her for sex.   This is a woman in control, yet not being dominant at all.  She is simply refusing sex, which is her right, until she’s ready, and she will not be pressured.  If she is, she is strong enough to tell him that they aren’t compatible, and she knows her own worth is greater alone, than having a partner that doesn’t compliment her self worth.  When a woman does meet a man that goes the distance, then the framework for a successful relationship has already begun with a solid foundation, and open communication.

Another thing a woman can do, is tell him that he doesn’t get an orgasm until she does, ensuring that she is sexually satisfied, instead of just him.  If he is serious about her, this will be something he will be happy about, and it’s another test for her to determine if he is a good match, and she can continue to do this, every time sex occurs.  It happens too often that men orgasm before their women, and once they have, she usually remains unsatisfied, and we’ve all known women that have never even had an orgasm before!

A female led relationship makes it so it is not only about men’s desire, but also about women’s.  It brings about a balance between them, and this helps them understand each other on a deeper level, a level that breaks through the communication barriers and the social conditioning, to create a relationship based on love, rather than sex.  Intimacy, passion, trust, honesty, and communication become the forefront, the foundation, the lowest level from which the relationship sits.  Which means, it can soar to untold heights, beyond what most people ever experience.  All it takes, is a gentle, vanilla, female led relationship to make all the difference in the world.

Intimacy

Lesson 4

Many relationships only have a surface level of intimacy, which usually duals as foreplay.  The intimacy is short lived, and after sex it must be built up again over time, which continues the cycle of the foreplay / sex routine, which more often than not results in a boring sex life, and a lack of connection in a relationship.  How many couples out there experience their partner often not in the mood?  It’s incredibly common and it’s disastrous to a healthy sex life, and overall a happy relationship.

A female led relationship, changes all of that very quickly.  A female led relationship turns it around, and makes intimacy more important than sex.  As a result, intimacy and foreplay become two entirely different things. As we have discussed in previous lessons, the key to intimacy, is to make a man wait until the woman is ready to have sex, which means, he is going to have to get intimate with her.  So what is intimacy?  

It’s very similar to chivalry, expect it as a much more personal touch and personal connection.  Holding hands is the start of it, and then it morphs into much greater things, such as, simple cuddling without sex after wards, or even the expectation of it.  Just being close to each other physically develops intimacy.  There is also intimacy in laughter, making her laugh, and her making him laugh, develops great bonding, and makes the connection between them more likely to develop further. As the relationship grows, the intimacy deepens, where their personalities blend and mix, and they get a feel for each other.  

Intimacy comes in many forms, including massages, foot rubs, running her a bath, and even doing acts like chores around the house or yard even when not asked to do so.  Intimacy is about effort, a man who puts in effort, without sex being his ultimate goal, will be instantly recognized and appreciated by a woman, and the more attentive to her needs he becomes, the more she will want to take the relationship further, into foreplay, and sex.

So all it takes is effort, this is an effort, that never dies, at any point in the relationship, and it only gets deeper and deeper as it goes, the more they get to know each other.  A woman in a female led relationship will recognize quickly the moment that effort dies down and will question what’s going on, and through open communication about any issues that arise, they will figure it out and solve it.  Intimacy is a big topic, so I will be coming back to it again in other lessons, this is just the basics of it, and why it’s important for a healthy relationship where the connection between them never dies.

Emotional Intelligence

Lesson 5

In lesson 4 we explored intimacy and how to cultivate it and why it’s important to a relationship.  We discovered that it takes effort to be intimate an effort that never dies, and always keeps the passion within the relationship alive.  However, intimacy leads to something much deeper, something that very few relationships ever accomplish, which is also the ultimate goal of a female led relationship.

Intimacy is accomplished by chemistry, effort, and communication.  With these three elements, other things begin to develop which allows the couple to get to know each other on deeper levels.  This is what’s known as emotional intelligence.  Through intimacy, it brings a sense of empathy to the relationship, where even through a simple kiss, you can tell the status of your relationship down to the T.  This is particularly useful in a female led relationship, because it can teach a man, how to read a woman’s emotions and moods, and even act on things without having to be told.   This empathy is a form of intuition, he just senses when she may be upset about something, or what would make her happy, perhaps by doing household chores or making her a nice dinner.  This heightened sense of emotional intelligence adds many flavors to a relationship, and is also used as a monitoring element to determine when the passion may be fading, and to take action immediately when these signs occur.

For a woman, emotional intelligence is more of a natural function, everyone knows what female intuition is, and as she develops a relationship with her male partner, that intuition grows stronger and stronger, giving her more ways of reading his emotional state, to help guide him to being the man he wants to be.  This can give a woman a lot of control if she knows how to use it to her advantage, which in higher level female led relationships, she does exactly that.   However, in lower level female led relationships, this emotional intelligence creates a bond that is stronger than most if not all bonds, both partners have ever had with another human being.

This becomes particularly evident, when D/s comes more into play.  D/s for those who don’t know, means Domination / submission.  Seeing as we are talking about female led relationships, it means the woman is the dominant partner.  Once the intimacy is established, and the effort and communication work to maintain that intimacy (talked about in lessons 1 - 4) emotional intelligence develops trust and vulnerability between the D/s partners.   It enables the deepest and darkest parts of both partners to come out into the light and be seen.  Which means, both partners must break the ice in ways they have never broken it before, and express their desires to break it, where as in daily life, these desires remain only fantasy, and often associated with feelings of guilt for having such fantasies.  Once with a partner where this can be expressed, they connect not only on a physical level, or on a mental level, but also on a deeply spiritual level.

Emotional intelligence allows the couple to see each other naked.  Fully naked.   Spiritually naked.  A nakedness that has long been forgotten by the vast majority of the people that currently live on the planet.  As a result of this nakedness, both partners feel incredibly alive, and connected to each other, and not only to each other, but also to themselves.  They both experience a type of fulfillment in being able to open up to each other so fully, that there is a rush of aliveness, passion, trust, and most importantly vulnerability.    Trust and vulnerability will be talked about in coming lessons, as both of them play vital roles in a female led relationship, especially as they evolve to higher levels.  While most of us believe vulnerability is a bad thing and a weakness, it’s actually the exact opposite.  It’s the source of our greatest strength.  It’s who we are, beyond the masks, it contains our core needs, and to express our core needs, takes tremendous courage, which is why submissive men, are not by any means weak, they’re often stronger emotionally than the toughest macho man that exists.

It is emotional intelligence that connects us with other people, and allows for deep bonds to form.  We currently live in a world that does not promote emotional intelligence at all, and as a result, we are a disconnected species, from nature, from each other, and we see it in our everyday relationships, especially sexual relationships.  Driven by a lust that is not understood, seeking fulfillment that cannot be sought, hopelessly dependent upon external people or material objects to keep us occupied from our own shortcomings.  As a result, wars, pollutions, divorce rates, rapes, abortions, and overpopulation have become major problems in the world.  This is why I write about a new kind of relationship, one that fosters the growth of emotional intelligence, to help bring people back in touch with what matters the most, while at the same time, becoming fulfilled, and living a better life.  Female led relationships offer that promise for anyone willing to explore it.

Trust

Lesson 6

Trust is something that is incredibly easy to build, but next to impossible to rebuild.  It’s easy to build, because all it takes is honesty and integrity.  Trust is built simply by being who you say you are, and a partner will recognize that and start to feel comfortable.  It’s when that honesty and integrity begins to have cracks, when intentions seem to have ulterior motives, or when you do something that doesn’t live up to your word.  Once trust is broken, it’s very hard to reconstruct it, because there is a sense of betrayal, a sense of discomfort with the idea of rebuilding it.  So it’s important in any relationship, not just female led relationships, to focus on building trust right the first time around, and that should be quite simple to do.  As trust builds, it creates a sense of security in a relationship, a sense of knowingness.  You just know your partner is going to be there, and this allows a couple to open up to each other in new ways.

Yet in most relationships, trust is not built long enough, it has a shaky foundation, and the relationship moves too fast, and we all know what happens when trust isn’t fully established.   First, after sex occurs, you begin to see all sorts of character flaws, and you begin to see who they really are, which is not what you signed on for.  How many of you have had this happen to you?  After a couple months you see their true colors, and you discover that they were putting on an act, trying to impress you the entire time.  The integrity wanes, the honesty disappears, and the trust gets broken.

Female led relationships shatter this possibility.   When a woman knows what she wants, and goes after it with confidence and never settles for less, no man can put on an act long enough that she won’t see through.  This forces a man to be honest, and have integrity from the start.  If she is serious about a relationship, then she doesn’t have to be anyone other than herself, he will either, fall for her and want to continue being with her, which means, maintaining the honesty and integrity, or it will end.  It’s a perfect way to weed out the partners not suited for each other.  It’s also the perfect way to match those that are.   Once that trust is established and the integrity holds, magic happens.  New comfort levels emerge, a new kind of sexual communication and play opens up.   Intimacy has more depth.  A woman that can open fully in trust sexually to her partner, has greater and more rewarding orgasms.  Because trust opens her heart. 

Female led relationships, thrive on trust.  Trust allows her to direct the relationship, and it also allows him to follow her guidance.   He trusts her intuition, and she trusts he’ll support her. As this trust deepens, she begins to lead the relationship with more confidence as there is enough trust, to expand and grow with each other, which enables her to explore new possibilities with him at her side.  This keeps the relationship fresh and exciting.   Many relationships don’t actually have anyone who takes the lead, and so no one does, resulting in arguments over simple decisions such as where to eat for dinner.  So the development of trust, enough for someone to lead, is a major step in creating a relationship more in harmony, and much fewer arguments.  When issues do arrive, they are talked about, and with careful consideration, she’ll make the decision, and he’ll honor it because of trust.  Open communication is a key factor in it all as well, but trust is ultimately what makes it work.

Trust works on many levels of a relationship, so it’s important to build, and witness its building, cultivate it intentionally, so that you recognize where it is weak so it can be made stronger.  This takes work from both partners.  Keep strengthening the trust, it can never be too strong.   It’s also very healthy to practice trust exercises.  This can be done sexually, or it can be done simply by asking your partner to fall backward into your arms, or whatever creative means you can come up with.  Be creative, play with it.  Laugh with it, have fun with it.  Make trust a trait of the relationship, not just a background expectation.  Engage it.   As often as possible.  So many relationships, people argue over their partner looking at a good looking person walking by.  Because they don’t trust their partner isn’t having dirty thoughts.   Develop trust in this area, other people exist, but they’re with you, so tell your partner, that while other good looking people exist, you want your partner.  Remind them that you want them, it makes them feel special and that builds trust.  Which means, a happier more fulfilling relationship, who doesn’t want that?

Vulnerability

Lesson 7

In lesson 6, we talked about trust and how to build it and why it’s important.  Trust is important to build, because it enables both partners to open more of themselves up to the other.  It allows for a deeper knowing, of deepest and darkest parts of their personality to become known.  This is known as vulnerability, and it is something most relationships, of any kind, that is protected.  When trust is broken, the last thing anyone wants to do, is allow themselves to be vulnerable to anyone ever again, because it hurts too much if they betray you.   Some people call it heart break.  

Ultimately, it is vulnerability that is everyone’s goal even if they don’t know it.  We all want to meet someone that we can open up to, that we can be completely and totally ourselves too.  Someone that simply just gets us, despite how confusing it may be even too ourselves.  Someone that is there to tell us that it is okay to cry, that it okay to express, that it is okay to want to explore new things and ideas.  And that we are there for them no matter what.   We all want someone that enables us to be completely and totally ourselves, and that means allowing them to see the little boy or girl within. Trust allows this type of vulnerability, and all relationships, not just female led relationships, should cultivate it, and get to know your partner in this way.

In a female led relationship, vulnerability plays a very important role, especially as they evolve to higher levels.   Which I will be talking about in lessons to come.  For now, I’m just going to stick with how it applies to lower levels.  If you have been reading the previous lessons, you understand that I am creating a formula for starting a female led relationship, and why certain things are necessary.  Intimacy, trust, and vulnerability, form the foundation of a female led relationship.   With both partners agreeing that she will lead at least in the bedroom, it’s important to take time to get to know your partners desires, and fantasies, no matter how deep or dark or twisted they are.  It’s healthy to talk about it, for both partners.  It helps you understand your partner better, and it doesn’t mean you have to follow through with any of it, but with it out in the open, you will both feel much better. This is the beginning of vulnerability.  Simply talking about these things, is a humbling experience, for both.  

This gives a woman in an FLR something to work with, and enables her to lead more effectively, while there is an understanding that sex is up to her, it’s great for her to know what makes him tick and can choose to engage him in that way if she wants to.  So vulnerability becomes an important aspect of the relationship from that moment forward.   It becomes a leadership tool for her to use.  Where as for him, he follows her lead, which means, his vulnerability can be engaged at any time.  This makes for an incredible dynamic of D/s and allows for lots of room for growth and improvement for both of them.  

Once vulnerability has been established, a great weight is lifted off both partners, as they are free to be themselves, this makes both partners feel free, even in a D/s dynamic.  Freedom of expression, is vulnerability.  So many people, of all walks of life, curb their freedom of expression, because they don’t want to be vulnerable to others opinions or judgments.   It’s called taboo by society.  A female led relationship breaks taboo, shatters it in fact, and makes freedom of expression the lifestyle, the point of the relationship.  So both partners can live together, with their true colors fully exposed, and this creates a stronger foundation for a relationship, it’s simply built to last longer, and be more fulfilling.  Vulnerability is strength in disguise, for when you can truly be vulnerable, and continue to be more and more vulnerable, the relationship only gets stronger.  Vulnerability can lead to humility, but that’s for higher level female led relationships, which will be talked about in later lessons, so stay tuned!

Inside the Bedroom

Lesson 8

In previous lessons we have talked about how to build a steady foundation and a strong emotional connection with a partner through female led guidance.  We touched on the idea that ladies should always come first in the bedroom to ensure that both partners are satisfied  This lesson is going to cover some ways of enjoying sexual activity in the bedroom with female led guidance so that the sex life in the relationship is exceptional.  

There are three primary ways of having a good sex life in a female led relationship, a couple does not have to stick to one single possible way, and can interchange these approaches as they see fit, according to mood, or preference, it’s fully customizable, but I’m going to explain them all individually, and you can play with them as you understand and practice them formulating your own exciting sex life.  Sex in a female led relationship is always centered on female pleasure, and as a result, both partners are sexually fulfilled.  The three main ways are, Her pleasure first, his second… Deep intimate love making with something called Karezza… And lastly, female domination and male submission.

The first is pretty self-explanatory, without dominating, a woman will guide her male to romance her, and court her.  The chivalry in this relationship never dies, and he focuses on helping her to relax, and puts aside his own desire for now.   She may want a nice fully body massage, or her feet rubbed, there is lots of foreplay, warming her up, getting her ready, and he will take the time to ensure she is ready.  There can be lots of cuddling leading up to it, or it could be just passionate making out, with him usually going down on her and bringing her to orgasm.  She will be ready for intercourse afterwards and make passionate love to him until he finally has his release, and perhaps they climax together.  In a female led relationship, he never cums first.  The reason for this, is because once he has cum, he will no longer want to be passionate or intimate with her, his enthusiasm will have been lost, and this is a common problem in so many relationships.  Female led relationships never have this problem.

The second way, is a little more elaborate and much more intimate.  All the things from the first way are valid, except when it comes to penetration.   There is a practice called Karezza.  Which is where a male learns to have intercourse without ejaculation.  Once he is inside her, instead of the usual way to have sex, they both simply stop and enjoy the embrace.  After a few moments of not moving, and looking into each others eyes, enjoying each others presence, a very intimate connection is formed.  Most men do not know, that ejaculation and orgasm, are actually two separate functions of the body, they do not have to act as one single function, they can be separated.  Men can learn to do this, and when they do, they are capable of having orgasms without ejaculation, and not just genital orgasms, they can have fully body orgasms.   Full body orgasms do not require the frictional movement of a regular orgasm, they require a build up of sexual energy, generated through extreme arousal.  Karezza being a perfect way of doing that.  The longer a couple maintains penetration with him remaining hard inside her, the more energy builds up, and both partners can feel it, and as they absorb into each other due to the intimacy, they can actually lose their sense of physicality.   They can feel one with their partner, to the point where they don’t know where one begins and the other ends.  The full body orgasm that results from this, is a shared orgasm, and it creates a very strong bond between them.  Some people call this soul mating, and it’s also well known about by those who practice tantric sex or taoism.  Feel free to research this.  It does take a willing male, and a strong male, as he must be able to hold back his ejaculation, it can take time and practice, but it is a way of sex that is incredibly beautiful to explore, and very fulfilling not just on a pleasurable scale, but also on a spiritual one.

Karezza can also be used to increase a males stamina.   The epidemic in our culture today, is that males simply don’t know how to last very long, and usually cum far too soon.  By having a male practice Karezza, his stamina can be increased to the point in which, a female can decide even if he gets to cum at all, while at the same time, he lasts long enough for her to orgasm.  So Karezza is a very good practice to look into, and have males learn how to really be good in the bedroom.  It will increase his confidence, and she will get much more pleasure out of it.  Which is what a female led relationship is all about.

The third way, is much much more complicated, and can take both the first and the second way and combine them and add its own qualities as it sees fit.  The third way is not just a female led relationship, it’s also a dominant / submissive relationship.  Both partners have admitted to being dominant and submissive, and from there, the woman will lead the man to focus on her pleasure only while training him to let go of all his own desires.   This makes the female led relationship, very much female led.  She can have him focusing on her pleasure only for weeks at a time, without allowing him to cum at all.  This is known as orgasm denial, and as a sub male, he will give up all orgasms to her making any and all sexual release entirely her decision.  The longer she keeps him denied, the more submissive he becomes, which makes this type of relationship very interesting, as it can get more and more intense as it goes, making it a relationship that never has a dull moment, and is always focused on continuous growth for both partners.  There are many levels of a D/s relationship, and in later lessons I will be talking more about those levels, and certain strategies on how to enhance the D/s aspect.  I would also like to point out, that being in a D/s relationship to many, appears strange or weird from the outside looking in.  This is because they have not tried it, those who try it, usually never go back.   Both partners are more fulfilled and happier than they ever thought they could be.  If they find they don’t like it, they’re always able to go back to the old way, so there is nothing to lose and everything to gain.  Be open to it.

Female led relationships offer deep intimacy, and spiritual connection, because women are free to use their natural desires, rather than his.  When a male focuses on her desires, by default, he gets more of what he wants, simply because his orgasms are stronger the more aroused he is.  So it’s a win win for both.  When a woman can express her natural desires, with a male devoted to helping her do that, women experience a sort of liberation, of sexual freedom.  This is something that many women out there desperately need, as many women dislike their bodies and have a total lack of confidence as a result of that.  Women want to feel valued, and they want to express their desires, and they want a male to listen to them and help them. How many women out there would just love a man with this understanding?  Female led relationships thrive on that understanding.

If you are a sub male reading this, please reblog.

Outside the Bedroom

Lesson 9

What does a female led relationship look like outside the bedroom?  In lesson 8, I talked about the various ways it looks like inside the bedroom. There are various ways it can look, outside the bedroom as well, as it depends on the couple.  One major aspect that each way has in common however, is that a male values the opinions and judgments of the female.  As a result of this, there is generally much more affection and closeness, a deeper connection.  When they are apart from each other, they will miss each other greatly.  When they are together, there is much more romance and chemistry.  There are more dinners out, or in, perhaps by candle light.  A male may bring her flowers or surprise her with compliments or show his appreciation for her in some way or another.  A male can come up with creative ways to do this.  Just the act of spending some time together giving each other undivided attention, is something that can be rare in many relationships.  Males that do this, will find that females open up much more to them, as long as it’s genuine without ulterior motives!

As I have mentioned in lessons 1 - 7 about developing connections, and her controlling the sex life, a male will take joy in romance and intimacy and will strive for it. With a male strong enough to surrender his sex drive, he will become much more productive in every other aspect of his life.  He will have the extra energy to accomplish anything.  Work will no longer make him as fatigued, no matter how physical, or mental, he will always have this extra boost.  Many women are familiar with asking their man to do something and it takes him the better part of 6 months to actually do it. This attitude completely disappears, no matter how long you’ve been together, in female led relationship.  This extra energy goes into improving both of their lives, making both happier as a result. 

He will have so much energy that he may not know what to do with himself, so it is encouraged that he explores creative endeavors, he can take up a yoga or meditation practice to help manage the energy. He will also want to focus attention on his partner, and she should welcome that attention.  It is that attention that brings you closer together, and creating deeper connection and more intimacy. He will want to be involved and curious about all aspects of her femininity.  He will have a desire to understand her, how her body works, why she likes certain fashion items, and she should encourage him to learn.  If she lets him participate in things like, painting her nails, or shaving her legs, or washing her hair, and yes, getting to know her monthly cycle, it will develop massive amounts of trust, and relaxedness between them.  

Most men don’t know a thing about femininity.   All they know, is that it’s attractive, what they don’t know the internal workings behind why it is attractive.   So it’s attractive without understanding, which means, he can never truly connect with her until that understanding is achieved.  A male that wants to understand, and be in tune with her body, and her preferences, will know his partner on levels the vast majority of other relationships never reach.  So it’s important that a woman uses her partners desire, to get to really know her outside of sex.  He will be more than willing, and curious to learn with her in control of the sex life, that is key.   It’s why I’ve stressed this from lesson 1.  

As the relationship progresses, and as the trust and connection is formed, and they get to know each other on these levels, and he loses his fear of femininity, he will come to respect her decisions more.  Once he has lost that fear of femininity, he will be much more willing to participate in things she likes, he will no longer fear chick flicks, dancing, massaging, cooking or whatever other activity he may not have done before. Women love to be pampered, let him learn how. This will increase chemistry.  They will develop more things in common.  So they will get the best of both worlds.  What woman doesn’t want a man that is interested in doing things she likes?  I’ve known many women that have wished their man was into something, but couldn’t get him to be, as a result, creating a bit of a void between them.  A willing male doesn’t have to be included in these activities, she can have her own space if she wants it, but the feeling of knowing that he will happily be by her side, is a very nice sense of security within the relationship.  Which also gives him space to do what he wants.  Balance is key.  But the best of both worlds is also key for a healthy relationship.  

In higher level female led relationships, a woman can take full control of all decision making, including finances, with a male that trusts her completely.  It is not a requirement that the relationship go to this extreme, but many find that it’s what they want as they evolve their relationship more and more in that direction.  Others find a healthy balance between the two, and D/s doesn’t enter into the relationship outside the bedroom to any major degree, and it doesn’t have to.  Some female led relationships practice 24/7 D/s and both partners are happier than they have ever been. Others like to have a more empowered and productive male creating a balance of D/s, still giving her the majority of decisions.  The point of a female led relationship is that the male respects her judgment before making decisions on his own.  Everything should at least be run by her first, and that does not diminish his masculinity in the slightest, in fact, it can enhance it. Masculinity can be harnessed by a woman, and her femininity can complement and bring out his masculinity in ways he never imagined possible.  A true masculine man, is a man that does not fear femininity, but rather seeks to understand it. He lets her guide him and lead him.  Inside and outside of the bedroom.

Body Worship

Lesson 10

In previous lesson we have discussed the importance of intimacy, emotional connection, trust, vulnerability and the dynamics of female led relationships and why they work.  Now I would like to take it a level deeper, about the potential and possibilities that can emerge from such a relationship, while still not going too far into D/s territory.  One thing that is often absent from most relationships, is the idea of body worship. Too often foreplay is cut short by sex, which is like simply watching the knockout punch and calling it a fight.  It loses its purpose when sex is always the goal. Female led relationships can offer males the opportunity to show their appreciation and gratitude for the female body.

Let’s face it, males love the female form.  There is something about female beauty that captivates most males and they will go to sometimes extreme measures, intelligent and stupid, to impress an attractive woman, simply based on only her looks.  The female form is desired, it is attractive, like the flame is to the moth. The moth must treat it with respect, honor and appreciation, or it will get burned.  The moth must worship the flame, if it is to enjoy its light and heat.  A female led relationship understands this and uses this analogy in the same way in human relationships. Women love attention, there is no denying this.  Women love to feel beautiful, they love to feel wanted, they love to feel cherished and respected and honored.  However, due to the way our society is run, many women, are their own worst enemy when it comes to liking their own bodies.  Many never feel good enough, like there is some sort of idea of perfection, that they cannot attain, because even they don’t know what perfection is.  With many males simply desiring women as sexual objects, it is very rare that a male can make a woman feel comfortable in her own skin. In previous lessons, I’ve talked about developing trust, which is fundamental to helping her develop this comfort in her own body. This is where body worship comes into play.

Once you have established a female led relationship based on previous lessons, body worship is the next step.  It can be, more often than not, initiated by the male, but it can also be brought up by the female if she is more dominant.  Body worship is not a sexual act.  It is something that should occur often, with a willingness, and eagerness on his part.  It can include many activities, one of which, is simply, conversation.  The male can simply tell her what makes her beautiful, tell her that she’s appreciated, and this can be followed by actions.   Anything from massage to masturbation or from giving her a bath and washing her hair to painting her nails or helping her shave. There is no rush, everything should be done with care and respect, and she should encourage him to learn, and accept his help in all the feminine areas of her life, exclude nothing, teach him. Teach him about your period, teach him about putting on make up, doing your nails, shaving, or waxing, about perfumes, or fashion.  He can be doing all of this with you, instead of watching sports.  One good rule to have in a female led relationship is to set aside 30 minutes, at least, every day, of total dedication to you and your body.

Remember that this is not a sexual act.  Body worship should never be turned into something sexual for him, because the moment it is, body worship becomes a reward based activity, and so he develops ulterior motives.  He should be doing it out of pure devotion to you, celebrating you as a woman, and his leader.  Enjoy his attention and service, and keep him in line, by never sexualizing this activity.   This will actually make him crave to do it more often, it will create a deeper respect for you, as it shows authority and strength.

Body worship can be a tremendously fun activity, as once both partners are comfortable with it, it can be playful and very teasing for him and satisfying for her. Which develops greater intimacy, and makes him more submissive, which is often where female led relationships move into deeper levels of D/s which will be talked about in later lessons.  The main point of body worship is for the male to show and prove that his devotion to her goes beyond her looks, beyond makeup, beyond what she wears, that he honors her personality, and helps her feel completely accepted in her body 24/7.  She should never doubt what he thinks, and he should never give her reason to.  This attitude will help her develop a mindset that she is worthy, which will make her more confident, not just in the relationship, but in every aspect of her life.  He empowers her.   That is what a good male does in a female led relationship. Worship and empower her every day. Body worship is the key to deeper levels, and most males, always want to go deeper.  She will take you deeper at her own pace, through your undying devotion, there’s no rush.  Women never have to rush, and always maintain full control of what and how he can or can’t worship.  However don’t be too strict ladies, let him show his appreciation and devotion and just relax, its non sexual for him remember?

The Submissive Male

Lesson 11

Let’s take a step back for a moment and take a look at what a submissive male actually is.  Not all men are meant to be submissive, however, there are many that either, know they are, or are curious about it.  There are also many, that if exposed to the idea of submission, would be curious to explore it as it calls to them deep within.  The reason we don’t see too many openly submissive males in society is because there is a very big taboo against them that instantly makes them feel like it’s wrong to express that they have submissive desires with their partners.  Often, the moment they do, their partner gets the wrong idea, they can jump to many different conclusions that may or may not be true, but they shut it down before discovering what it really means.

One of those conclusions, is that he is gay or weak, and wants to wear women’s clothes and be a sissy. This is a very common mindset that many men and women automatically have, when it has nothing to do with being gay, and quite possibly nothing to do with wearing women’s clothes or being a sissy.  First of all, there is a big misunderstanding about what makes a person gay, and what doesn’t. Being gay, has only 1 trait, and only 1, and that is, if they are attracted to, and want a relationship with the same sex and not the opposite sex.   That’s it.  Everything else, including a male wanting to engage in anal play, is not gay, wearing women’s clothes, is not gay.  Yes, it’s different, might seem a little strange to those who have never explored sexuality, but it’s not gay. So drop that idea right now.

Second, the idea that submission is weak is also wrong.   For a male to admit that he has submissive tendencies, and who chooses to put her desires before his own, is far from weak.  Weak is rapists and those who lack self-control.  A submissive man must be strong in order to submit, he must give up control to someone else, and that takes bravery and courage, and if he is accepted by his partner, it greatly enhances intimacy and allows him to actually be more of the man he is, because he can finally express himself the way he naturally is.  That takes strength.

Third, not all submissive males, are into wearing women’s clothes, and prefer to remain masculine.  Yes, there are some submissive men that do desire to wear women’s clothes, and instead of judging them, ask them why they want to, ask them what it is that draws them to it.  They do it because they want to explore their feminine side, they are curious about women, and they want to understand them, and by wearing her clothes, he can get an idea of what it’s like, it generates understanding for him.  He may also enjoy wearing women’s clothes because they can be incredibly comfy compared to male clothes, different materials, skin hugging, can stimulate his libido, which makes him feel more in touch with his body, which is where that understanding  comes from.  It brings him in touch with his feminine side, and as a result, he learns more, and gets to take a break from uncomfortable masculine clothes that really don’t promote getting in touch with his body.

It’s important to understand the submissive nature that some males have.  It is not something that they have control over.  They can suppress it yes, but it is still a need that they will always want to fulfill with their partner.  For many men in relationships where their partner is not open to it, they resign themselves to a mediocre sex life with a constant longing for more.  It is a part of who he is, at his core, it’s not something that he can just forget about.  Which is why it is so essential for his partner to at least be open to exploring it a little bit, than to shut it down without another word, based on opinions and judgments that society has instilled. When a partner opens up to this core need of his, the relationship flows smoother and both partners become happier as a result, as it greatly enhances their sex lives, in ways they may not have imagined, as the idea of D/s evolves by personal touch over time.

There are many different types of submissive males, which can range from rather mild, to rather extreme.  However, if his partner understands that his core need is to submit, she soon discovers, that she can control how mild or how extreme things will get, and when that is realized, the true potential, and realization of what D/s is all about emerges.  When sexuality is explored like this in a D/s relationship, there is a great sense of freedom, a sort of liberation, that can come from nowhere else.  The ability to express submission, or domination, enables both partners to explore their desire, rather than conquer it, and that brings fulfillment and intimacy, and connection, as mentioned in previous lessons.

So ladies, when your partner suggests to you that he is submissive, at least, let him explain himself, and perhaps entertain the idea until you decide if you like it or not.  Ask questions!  Even if you find that it’s not for you, he will very much appreciate your efforts, and that alone will help the whole relationship, as communication is open, and there are no secret desires hiding in the background.  Sometimes we just have to push beyond the opinions and views society wants us to have, and discover our own.  Submissive males, just dream of women open enough to at least listen.

The Dominant Female

Lesson 12

Dominant females are a rare breed. They are not rare because it’s not natural, but because from birth, and for generations, women have been conditioned away from the dominant role.  For thousands of years women have been portrayed as the weaker sex, the fairer sex, the physically inferior gender.  Yet we know that there is much more to being human, than simply how big our muscles are. Scientific evidence shows us that women have many advantages over men, in pretty much everything else.  Women have a higher pain tolerance, live longer, and have a stronger sense of smell.  Women are better at multitasking, and are generally cleaner than men.  IQ tests suggest that women are smarter than men and the gap is increasing. Women are in touch with their bodies more than men allowing them to know themselves, and have greater intuition than men. Women are less aggressive and less violent, making them better leaders and better drivers. Even female immune systems are stronger and work more efficiently than males due to having two complete X chromosomes. From a scientific standpoint, the female gender is superior to the male gender in almost all ways.  Yet we have a lack of sexually dominant women in the world, because society has instilled the belief, that physical inferiority, makes women inferior to men. So scientific evidence, matters not, what matters is the mindset of a woman.

From birth on up through adulthood, women are constantly bombarded with how they ought to dress, look, talk, walk, and act. With terms such as, “you throw like a girl,” being used to insult the entire female gender, and instill the mindset in males that anything female is weak.   If a male cries, and his male friends are nearby, you’ll often hear, “what a pussy,” being uttered in the background. As we grow up with these phrases in our culture, it makes males believe they’re superior, and females believe they’re inferior.  This results in women that don’t understand men, and men that don’t understand women, because naturally, they feel differently, but they’re afraid to express how they truly feel, because society doesn’t deem it as normal.   That is why so many submissive men hide in the closet, afraid to tell their wives they’re submissive.  Women on the other hand, have no idea that they can be dominant, they have no idea, why they would even want to be, yet, they’re not satisfied with the men in their life, because they never do what she wants.

It usually takes some sort of a catalyst for a woman to open up to the idea, and it’s usually a process that must occur over a great period of time, perhaps many failed relationships, or raising a child and understanding how to put her foot down.  Or running a business and discovering what it’s like to be the boss.   It can happen in any number of ways, but generally if it’s brought up suddenly, it goes against everything she’s been conditioned to believe, so when a male admits he’s submissive, she’ll dismiss it as weird and perverted immediately.  This is how taboo’s are created in our society, and why so many people are afraid to tell others who they really are and what they’re into.  

There are a few women who have dominant tendencies from when they’re young, and it doesn’t take them very long to understand how easy it is to control men and get what she wants, in fact many women often use that ability, not to attract men, but to get out of things like speeding tickets or favors from their male friends. Many discover that they have an ability to manipulate men based on their attraction to them, to some degree. But this is often only temporary and doesn’t lead into a D/s relationship most of the time.  It must go deeper than that, and that comes to the issue, that most women have, and that is self-worth and sexual guilt.

Female desire is something that is not acknowledged very often, and most women grow up dating men that care only about their own sexual pleasure, leaving a woman unfulfilled, and women settle for this because they often don’t know it can be any other way.  They feel guilty to have their own desires and fantasies and so they never explore it, and sadly, it’s not uncommon for a woman to go her entire life without ever even having an orgasm at all.  Society is driven toward male desire, it’s in advertisements, it’s in movies, it’s in porn, and it pervades our culture on all levels.  Female desire is something that is seen as naughty and is much more subtle in our culture.   You don’t see movies very often, where the female has an orgasm, but there’s hundreds of movies where the male does. So all of this conditioning has women believing that sex is mainly for his pleasure, and shame themselves for wanting anything else.  This tied in directly to their self-worth.  Because women are hit from other angles as well, about having the perfect body.

It’s a well known fact that most women constantly monitor how they look, and who is looking at them.  It’s also well known that most women, hate their bodies or parts of their bodies throughout the day.  They’re always striving to look better, and be more attractive, often giving them all sorts of unwanted attention, which we see all throughout our culture, often blaming women for rape, because of what she was wearing.   This hatred for their body is what makes women give their power away, not only to men, but to all the industries that profit from female self-esteem.  Beauty products, fashion trends, and on and on it goes, billion dollar industries profiting from making women hate themselves, in order to sell them a product with the promise of beauty they already possess.

When a woman finally wakes up to the fact that she’s been lied to and conditioned away from being empowered, she stops playing the game.  This not only transforms her life in the self-worth department, but also in the relationship one. When a woman values herself enough that she doesn’t require validation from other women, or men, she becomes immune to all those putting on an act.   She is able to see through the facade, no male can catcall her or use one liners or be pigs in any way, because she is able to shut them down outright using self-confidence.  She has a sense of self-worth that tells her, what she doesn’t want, and so she is comfortable with herself, being alone, so she will not settle for less, until she finds a male that suits her.  This is the birth of the alpha female.  Some women discover this at a young age, others need a catalyst of some sort, but the amount of women that exist that are alpha female but don’t know it, are massive.  In the same way the amount of submissive men that exist, are massive. Over recent decades, we have seen the rise of women, it has not been subtle.

More and more women are beginning to figure out the power that they possess, and they are beginning to take control of their relationships.  All they need to do, is assert a little bit of authority, and watch as their male partner melts before her. Even the simple demand of making him give her an orgasm before himself, is enough for a male to suddenly develop an entirely new respect for her, and it can be very erotic at the same time. Most women love the idea of getting what they want, they love the idea of being pampered and massaged, and have candle lit dinners, and intimate times. The issue, is getting that from their male partner.   If a woman asserts a small amount of authority, she will discover that, she can assert even more authority over time. Not in a bitchy way, but in a loving way.  This sparks within men a desire to please her, and suddenly she starts getting all those things she’s always wanted. 

Thanks to FLRIndia.com for this wonderful article. If you’re reading this, chances are…

You are a caring woman. You give deeply in your relationship. You put your partner first. You avoid unnecessary conflict. You don’t like hurting anyone’s feelings. You try to keep things peaceful.

And somewhere along the way, you heard about Female-Led Relationships.

Maybe through a post. A reel. A conversation. Or (and the most probable one) from your own partner.

And something inside you stirred.

Curiosity? Interest? Excitement? Maybe fear? or Hesitation?  (Read : Helping her overcome her hesitations in an FLR)

“Isn’t this too much?” “Am I to become selfish?” “Won’t he feel bad if I….?” “I’m not dominant…” “I’m not that kind of woman…”

A Female Led Relationship has many terms associated with it like FLR, Femdom, Female Domination, Mistress slave, D/s dynamic and sometimes even BDSM.

An FLR (Female Led Relationship) is a consensual agreement between a man and woman that the woman in the relationship will lead and the man will play a supportive role. She can make the final decisions in the aspects she wishes to take control of. Her comfort, fulfillment and satisfaction are given priority in the relationship.

The above definition captures various themes in a female led relationship and thus, each word and phrase should be paid attention to.

Characteristics of a Female Led Relationship –

It is a consensual relationship.

Some people think that the woman has all the power and thus, the man is helpless. This is not the case. The FLR ends when either one withdraws their consent. The woman cannot dominate if the man does not submit, the man cannot serve if the woman does not dominate.

She will make final decisions in the aspects she wishes to take control of.

This is very important to understand. As a woman, if you are getting into a Female Led Relationship, you do not need to take control of all the aspects. Nothing could be further from the truth. It might be the case that your man is kinky and he has asked you to control certain things that are overwhelming, but you do not need to comply with all of that immediately. He might have expressed that you can control each and every thing about his life, but you need to go at your pace and you need to decide the aspects you want to control. You should only take charge of the aspects you’re comfortable taking charge of. For example, many women find it easy to begin with taking control of their sex lives. Having sex only when you want to have sex is an easy thing to do. It is made easier by the fact that men tend to comply more easily with sexual commands as compared to other commands. Another example is taking charge of household aspects. For example, she might delegate dusting and cleaning, as they are not difficult skills to learn for someone who has not performed these actions in the past and are easy to delegate. However, the point is that you should only take control of the things that you want to take control of. Do not feel pressured for any extra responsibilities.

Her comfort, fulfillment and satisfaction are given priority in the relationship.

In an FLR, the woman is the one who is in focus. Her comfort is of utmost importance. The man must strive to make her feel at ease. Since he is in a submissive and supportive role, he willingly makes efforts to make sure that the woman is feeling fulfilled. Her satisfaction is not limited to physical satisfaction but her emotional and mental satisfaction as well are equally important. For example, the man constantly reminding her that he loves her dominance, or, he loves the way she takes charge, etc. will boost her confidence and make her feel better in her role.

The man will play a supportive role.

The man in a Female Led Relationship refers to himself as the submissive, slave, servant, pet, etc. Do not get overwhelmed by these terms. For a vanilla person, these terms being used for a human might sound a little too strong. But for now, just ignore the nomenclature and understand the role. The man derives satisfaction in serving his woman. He has accepted the fact that the woman is in the lead. He will need to abide by her decisions. It does not mean that he has no say. It just means that his input would be considered while deciding but the final decision might be different from his expectations. The final decision-making would only be in terms of the aspects she had decided to take control of. Other decisions can be taken mutually or she can delegate the responsibility to her man. For example, she might decide to just have oral sex even if her man wants PIV (Penis in Vagina Sex), or, she might decide to go to a European restaurant even if her man wanted to eat Mexican, or she might decide the final itinerary of the vacation after using the research her man has done for her. In all the cases, the man accepts her final authority and plays a supportive role.

Why Female Led Relationship?

A Female Led Relationship is usually introduced by a man to his woman. An FLR can be very fulfilling for both parties in the relationship. Women are probably more emotional creatures than men. A female led relationship allows her to get more emotional fulfilment. She feels more heard in the relationship. She feels more cared for.

Since the man is in a submissive role, he prioritizes his woman and takes care of her in every situation. The man might call himself a slave, but rather he’s a gentleman. The slave term is used just because of the fact that a gentleman can disobey his woman but a slave never will.

When a man sees that he is able to keep his woman happy and satisfied, it boosts his masculine ego and makes him more confident as a partner.

An FLR can be very fulfilling emotionally. Moreover, FLR has a lot of kinks to play with such as tease and denial, domestic discipline, chastity, etc, which adds to the fun and increases physical satisfaction as well.

Thus, an FLR can lead to improved intimacy, reduced conflicts, and increased satisfaction.

Misconceptions in a Female Led Relationship?

Below are some of the misconceptions in a Female Led Relationship.

She has to make the decision regarding everything.

She has to micro-manage everything.

He is caged, denied and spanked all the time.

The man is beta and worthless, and has no self-respect.

The woman should have multiple partners.

The woman is strict and a bitch 24/7.

The woman has to dress in sexy clothes and shout orders.

None of this (and any related scenarios that you can think of) has to be true. A female led relationship is all about her happiness and satisfaction. Thus, whatever she feels fit would be implemented with the man’s consent.

How to start and FLR?

Short answer – Start slow.

Discuss the interests and boundaries with each other. Write a list of fantasies for your partner. Get to know more about their expectations.

Grow slowly. Ask for feedback. Most importantly, communicate! I cannot stress enough.

COMMUNICATE!

You cannot grow if you do not talk. Do not assume expectations or reactions in your head. If you both had a spanking session, do not assume that you both will be fine after some time. The woman can experience “Dom Drop” or the man can experience “Sub Drop”.

Or, the man might be more willing to jump into the kinks while the woman might still be adjusting to the dynamic. The man can feel disappointed in this case due to the slow pace. He should communicate his expectations and the woman should communicate her hesitations in this case.

Just talk about everything.

Moreover, when getting started, the man should not push the woman to dominate more. He should let her grow at her pace. He should always be supportive and should not try to manipulate her into dominating more or incorporating certain kinks and fetishes.

The woman can start with mini tasks such as “get me a glass of water” or “pick me up at 7” or “take out my heels” and then slowly extend to “Do the dishes” or “Clean the washroom” or “You aren’t going out with the boys, you’re staying home with me”. It is all about getting into the comfort zone.

Conclusion?

Remember, a Female Led Relationship is about empowering the woman. She should be comfortable in being herself. The man should not try to change her but he should embrace her for who she is.

An FLR focuses on her pleasure but it does not mean that his pleasure holds no importance. It is just that her pleasure is prioritized over his.

If you’re reading this, chances are…

You are a caring woman. You give deeply in your relationship. You put your partner first. You avoid unnecessary conflict. You don’t like hurting anyone’s feelings. You try to keep things peaceful.

And somewhere along the way, you heard about Female-Led Relationships.

Maybe through a post. A reel. A conversation. Or (and the most probable one) from your own partner.

And something inside you stirred.

Curiosity? Interest? Excitement? Maybe fear? or Hesitation? (Read : Helping her overcome her hesitations in an FLR)

“Isn’t this too much?” “Am I to become selfish?” “Won’t he feel bad if I….?” “I’m not dominant…” “I’m not that kind of woman…”

Let me tell you something gently.

Almost every powerful FLR woman started exactly here.

Right where you are now.

For Men – How to serve your wife and make her more dominant?

You Are Not Weak. You Are Untapped.

Most so-called “vanilla” women are not submissive by nature.

They are conditioned.

Conditioned to:

Adjust

Compromise

Stay quiet

Keep peace

Be nice

Put themselves last

From childhood, society teaches women:

Being strong is “bossy.” Wanting control is “rude.” Enjoying authority is “wrong.”

So you learned to give.

And give. And give. And give some more.

Until one day you felt:

Tired. Emotionally drained. Unappreciated. Unfulfilled. Bored in intimacy. Invisible in decisions.

FLR is not about changing who you are. It is about finally becoming who you were always meant to be.

Read this AGAIN!!!!

FLR is not about changing who you are. It is about finally becoming who you were always meant to be.

Read : The bible for women to establish their dream FLR

One of my main goals when I took charge of the relationship was to find ways to increase the intimacy between my husband and I, and surprisingly, one of the largest contributors has been male chastity. When men think of intimacy, they naturally think of sex. For most guys, it's the same thing.

We've all been there, right ladies? When you're not in the mood for sex but you know he wants it. A cuddle, a few kisses and some loving touches would be nice, but you don't go there because it will encourage him to pester you for sex and at that moment you just want to be held.

So you keep him at arms length, and you both lose out on intimacy just so you can avoid having unwanted sex. You end up feeling a bit guilty for holding him off and he feels rejected. It just sucks for both of you.

Enter male chastity. Why lock up his cock? Well, while he's wearing it, it removes the pressure on you to have sex when you not in the mood for it yourself. By keeping him on a fairly rigid release schedule, he knows it isn't going to happen for him that day.

One of the amazing things about male chastity is it teaches him that while sex and intimacy can be intricately linked, they aren't necessarily the same thing. He learns that, most of the time, he doesn't need to put his penis into you to feel loved and wanted.

While he can't have penetrative sex, he will still crave other types of intimacy, and he learns that most of the time, cuddling, kissing, and touching can be enough for him to feel desired and validated, even though he remains horny.

For me persomally, once the pressure to have sex is removed, I find myself being intimate with him more often than ever before, as the reason to hold him off is eliminated. Funny thing is, random loving kisses and caresses will often put me in playful mood, while knowing things won't escalate any further than I want them to at the time.

Feeling his lust for me, tends to fuel my own desire, and I find myself teasing him to distraction while he is so helplessly locked up. Even though he is still locked in chastity and will remain so, he can't help but want to touch and caress me back, and I begin to welcome his advances.. In his lust fueled state, sexual attention in any form is better than none at all, and he concentrates on my pleasure, giving me a wonderful orgasm that I didn't think I even wanted initially.

Courtship is, more than anything else, an act of Adoration. To be courted you must summon the self-confidence to expect and demand his adoration, to become the object of his desires. Easier said than done, right? Well, not by much.

The only difficult step, it turns out, is to understand and decide with absolute and unswerving sincerity that your fundamental feminine goal is to be “Worshiped” by your Man. We’ll discuss how later but for now, you only must dedicate yourself to that goal. That is not to say that you will measure your self-esteem by your lovers attention. Rather, you will not accept anything less from your Male than the outright proper worship and adoration that you rightfully deserve as a Woman.

Please understand, that you are worthy of his adoration by the very fact that you are female. You need no further justification than that. It is profoundly true, that at the core, “You” are his deepest desire and fulfillment, therefore he should adore you. As a Female, You have within you, powerful erotic natural potential. That potential was not lost with your youth. It is there still waiting to be reawakened. You must reawaken it within yourself first ladies.

To become the object of his worship, as you should be, you must learn to comfortably make the most of your erotic potential with your Partner.

This will become the focal point of your new relationship. This is not to say that it is a substitute for love. On the contrary, it will become for both of you a new and powerful expression of your love for one another. This feminine worship philosophy will shape and transform the psyche of both the male and female over time. Your kindness, generosity, and nurturing love for him remains certain and unconditional as before. It is the romance only, which becomes uncertain and conditional. It is important to distinguish between these two ideas.

Don’t worry if you lack confidence in the beginning. Take baby steps to find your Feminine Confidence building with the positive results you experience in your relationship. But do not confuse your lack of confidence with your commitment. Be committed and find your way to fulfilling that commitment. Age is not a factor. Weight is not a factor. Beauty is not a factor. These things are not relevant here. Sexual attraction is 90% mental, only 10% physical. Most women are harder on themselves than are their boyfriends. You don’t need to be a beauty queen to be an absolute Sex Goddess in his eyes. Females have the natural addictive essence to attract, captivate, and hold sway over men !!! It is within you from birth and you just need to release it. If you will release this powerful feminine essence within you, you will have your man begging to romance you. It’s all about how you act, not how you look. It’s the attitude.

This works for one very simple reason: Your Male Needs and Wants to Worship You. He may not be consciously aware of it but the male psychology fundamentally desires “matriarchy”. As we have already seen, as much as you desire to be courted, so your boyfriend desires to court. It’s our nature as human beings. You need only “Exploit” that desire ladies. The nature of this Desire is, Obviously, Sexual. Sex is the goal. And, not coincidentally, it is the means as well. Sexual desire is what stimulates romantic passion.

Anticipation is greater than realization

To further understand this most basic aspect of human relations you must appreciate the essential difference in female and male sexuality. Whereas most couples pay only lip service to their differences, women who fully appreciate these differences are able to tap directly into the inherent erotic potential within their relationships.

Some males who discover their own needs in this regard (to worship woman) will go to enormous lengths to persuade their girlfriends to exercise this erotic potential with them. Because of old fashioned social taboos however, regarding the exercise of pure feminine power in relationships, it can be difficult for some women to be comfortable with their erotic potential even when their boyfriends are begging for it.

As we have seen, the most tangible aspect of romance for your boyfriend/husband is the pleasurable “addictive” activity of sex. Based on the biological imperatives in the make up of men, the apex of his sexual activity must be the ejaculation and expulsion of his semen. Therefore in order to re-stoke the dormant furnace of your husbands desire, it is necessary for the wife to establish “Control” of the activities of sex and most importantly to slowly but carefully remove the certainty of ejaculation from the sexual equation. Only then, will the male truly begin to realize and understand, that his prize must once again be courted and won, on a continual and daily basis. The man, rather than becoming the conqueror, remains the eternal suitor, and when the couple goes to bed, courtship continues to flourish. Under these playful new arrangements, making love retains its older, courtly connotations.

It’s important to understand that men are always in the mood for sex. This is the way men are biologically wired. And it is not difficult for men to have orgasms. Men orgasm, as a matter of course. A man who is concentrating on achieving his orgasm can do so in a matter of a few minutes. Strictly speaking then, biology has programmed men to engage in an activity that consists of a few minutes of friction leading to ejaculation. You surely noticed that there is no requirement in this process for a woman to climax or even to enjoy the activity. It is only when the sexual needs of women are taken into account that the act of sex turns into something more than the absolute basics above, and evolves into cherished “Love-making”. Coincidentally as men learn to accommodate those needs and reciprocate the women’s desire, they find that their own enjoyment of sexual activity greatly increases. Thus for example, engaging in lengthy sexual sessions with various acts of foreplay and after play add nothing to the primal urge of the male. However although it does have as its primary and actual goal, the pleasure of the female partner, it can also become intensely pleasurable to the male as well, in large part because of his perception that the female is satisfied. Through this the male learns that he can increase and prolong his sexual pleasure, by postponing & delaying his orgasm and concentrating on the female-centric activities.

Dr George Gilder notes in his book - Men and Marriage: Women need to learn to manipulate male sexual desire in order to teach their men the long-term cycles of female sexuality and biology on which civilization is based.

The problem is, that while a man may genuinely seek to satisfy his princesses sexually, his natural, innate tendency is to achieve his primal goal, which is consummation of intercourse, with a minimal expenditure of energy. Even men who try to overcome these primal tendencies will only be partially successful. After all, that’s precisely what evolution has bred him to do for a millennium, that’s how the male of the species maximizes his genetic contribution.

Clearly these primitive goals are in clear conflict of a passionate, female centric, love making session and more often than not, in the passion of making love, it is the primal instincts which usually win out. He doesn’t mean to be this way, but he is. Only you, the astute female, can change this by Taking Control of the situation, and ensuring that his ejaculation takes place at a suitable time, when “You” decide to allow them.

As we have seen, it is the attention to the females needs, that Always makes sex a thoroughly enjoyable activity for both man and woman. Therefore it’s only logical that you must subliminally train your male, that sex is for “Your” benefit, Not His!!!  It is not the case that he is no longer “allowed” to enjoy sex. On the contrary, you will both find, that under the new arrangement, he will be more excited, more robust, more blissed out, and more satisfied than ever. It simply means that men want to please their women in bed and that when sexual energy is directed and focused on your feminine pleasure and satisfaction, your man will inevitably be more satisfied as well. His satisfaction may take new and varied forms, but he will definitely increase his overall satisfaction level along with yours.

The arrangement that you now want to establish as a couple is simply this: intimate activities happen when you, the woman, want them to happen, and how “you” want them to happen. You do not have sexual intercourse simply because your man is desperately aroused. You engage in intimate activity when “You the female” are in the mood for it, and “you” decide the type of activity that you are in the mood for. Both the male & female then slowly begin to understand and fundamentally acknowledge, that the woman’s satisfaction and pleasure are of paramount inportance!!!  The satisfaction that he gains from your playful sexual sessions will be in direct proportion to the pleasure you his queen experiences.

As we move forward in this particular part of the discussion, consider the following excerpt from Orgasms for Two: The Joy of Partner Sex by Betty Dodson Ph.D.

The Myth of Foreplay

It’s totally understandable why   heterosexual men and women want to climax from penile/vagina sex - how   convenient, how easy, and how wonderful to have partner sex be consistently   and mutually orgasmic. However, if Romeo’s pulsating desperate erection, moving   sweetly inside Juliet’s wet enveloping vagina provides orgasms for nearly   every man but only a mere handful of women, what are we going to do about the   majority of women who cannot climax from vaginal penetration alone?                      We can broaden our   definition of partner sex to include some form of direct stimulation of a   woman’s clitoris either manually or with a vibrator during heterosexual   lovemaking.

Let’s start with the concept of   foreplay. Women’s magazines as well as many sex books emphasize the   importance of “foreplay” for couples. We are told that women want   more of it and men don’t do enough of it. It’s been my observation that a   little appetizer of kissing, breast fondling, and clitoral touching before   the main course of penetration is seldom enough to satisfy the sexual   appetite of most healthy red-blooded women. Just as she is getting excited   from some form of pleasurable direct clitoral contact, he stops and suddenly penetrates   her surprised vagina. While he is enjoying his ideal erotic sensation, with   his hyper sensitive joystick moving inside her velvety loins, she is now   struggling to get a little indirect clitoral contact, which for most women   can’t compare to consistent clitoral stimulation all the way to orgasm.

Imagine a man being TOLD he can   rub his erection inside a woman’s glorious silky vagina as foreplay, but when   it’s time for Him to orgasm, she must be sitting on his face, penetrating his   mouth with her clitoris.

This will give him a “Nice   Ruined Orgasm.” He must not reach down and touch his oh so desperate   erection while she is face fucking him in the mouth or she’ll think her   clitoris isn’t big enough to provide him with an orgasm. To protect her fragile   female ego, he ends up faking orgasm, but he figures it’s worth it to keep   the peace. Later on he figures, he can masturbate in the bathroom, or if   she’s a sound sleeper, he can finish himself off in bed providing he can cum   while holding his breath and not moving so as not to wake her.

Instead of using the word “foreplay,”   we need to think of a new term to use, such as “sexplay.” Most   women desire clitoral pleasure in the beginning of, during, and sometimes   even after partner sex, especially if the woman wants to more than once !!!

As Dr. Dodson so beautifully illustrates above, there is just so much more to sexual fun than simply the penetration of the vagina with the erect penis. Penetrative intercourse does not, and should not be the omnipresent main course of a couples sex life. A sexual experience need not consist of a series of brief appetizers followed by the sexual main course of ejaculative intercourse. In fact each pleasurable activity is in itself, worthy of being a main course. There are times when one enjoys a 5 course meal, but very often a single course meal will also suffice. You as the queenly  woman, should feel free to choose such a single course meal from the entire smorgasbord of sexual & intimate activity available to you, if you so wish.

As we consider how to implement this new philosophy into your life, a great many ladies would interject that sex with their male, always ends in penetrative intercourse ejaculation. How does one move away from that habitual destructive habit to this new beneficial paradigm? First, immediate ejaculation must not be the all-encompassing essential goal for men, despite what most women might believe. Second, as with most aspects of human behavior, the answer is to take a gradual approach. You Must “Ease Him” into his subjugation Slowly over Time…

Learning how to lengthen the arousal and erection period while delaying & denying the male an orgasm is a fundamentally important part of maximizing the enjoyment from sex. As an males erection strengthens, the physical sensations become increasingly more and more exciting, and the psychological pressure within the primitive male brain to ejaculate becomes more and more intense, thanks to dopamine. The trick ladies is to lean to “Keep” the males stimulation “Just Below” the level required for ejaculation, while he learns to deal with the increasing mental & psychological pressure to ejaculate. Like driving a racing car closer and closer to a wall at ever higher speeds, the psychological pleasure inside of the male mind becomes more and more intense. The longer the arousal and “Edging” can be maintained without ejaculation occuring, the greater the utter bliss will be for the man. Furthermore, the longer this heightened state of arousal can be maintained, the more powerful and enjoyable the eventual orgasm will be. Thus, developing skills for achieving this goal and dealing with the psychological desire to ejaculate, for as long as possible, are essential for the full enjoyment of partner (and solo) sex, and this is what requires “practice”.  Women usually require a somewhat longer period of time to become fully aroused, so being able to manage, delay & deny your man’s orgasm will naturally increase the enjoyment of sexual intercourse by both partners.

Many women believe that men are happier the more frequently they have Orgasm. This is not really accurate. What has been found is that men truly enjoy being highly aroused “Edged” deep within their partner, while their partner is also highly aroused. In this way, as the male is held captive & imprisoned deep inside of the woman, both can remain in a highly aroused state for a very long period of time, especially with the use of a strategically placed vibrating bullet. Thus, delaying & denying male orgasm for as long as possible is what femdom & karezza are all about.

The first step in this evolution process is to establish in both your mind and your males mind, the link between his ejaculation and your feminine consent. As the Lady who is courted, it is very important for your stud muffin to please you. Therefore at this stage you simply want to establish the request and consent structure that will be an important part of your interaction. This is as simple as getting your man to inform you of his impending eruption, before he loses control & ejaculates, ensuring he asks your consent before doing so. At this initial stage this is essentially your man wanting to ensure that you (His Queen) has been sufficiently stimulated enough during your lovemaking session and that the mutual timing is right for him to orgasm, and consequently end the sexual session. After the male ejaculates, it is very rare for lovemaking to continue.

Therefore when the male approaches his peak, he should ask his woman in terms that she is comfortable with, for her “approval” of his orgasm. In The Beginning, I would recommend that the lady assent, usually in an enthusiastic manner and let him proceed to his climax. As noted, the purpose of this stage is to connect, in both the male and female mind, the act of ejaculation, with the approval from the woman for such action to take place. This process of request & consent will form the very important basis of what is to follow.

As Soon as possible, the woman should start to use her intuition, to masterfully time the males ejaculation to coincide with her own desires. The difference between this stage and the previous one, is that “Now” the ladies permission for the male to Ejaculate, will Not automatically &  immediately follow the man’s request as before. Therefore when the man asks for permission to ejaculate, the woman will now seek to delay his orgasmic explosion till the moment that she prefers. This may entail a delay of a few seconds to several minutes or even longer, depending upon the circumstances. Even if she has experienced a fulfilling satisfactory sexual session to this point and sees no particular sensory advantage to herself in delaying & denying his orgasm when he asks, it is important at this stage for her to deny the initial and subsequent requests. Thus, she is appropriately making her male wait, even if only for a matter of a few minutes, establishing  her “assent” as the primary trigger for his properly managed orgasm.

The goal at this juncture is to powerfully condition both the male and female psyche, to the concept and realization, that approval for the male orgasm need not necessarily follow immediately after a males pleading request. There should be no automatic immediate rubber-stamp to the man’s request either, but rather a conscious thought out decision made by you, His Supreme Ruler. “You” as a female, have the sovereign right and authority, to in fact delay and deny your approval, until that moment in time that meets with your preference.  You are powerfully training his subconscious and his future ejaculations with the femdom art of “Karezza” in this way !!!

As your comfort level increases with the concept of approving your lovers ejaculations, you will rapidly move to the stage where your male will really begin to appreciate the fact, that there are restrictions in the path to his pursuit of Orgasm. At this final stage in your intimate training activities, the man will ask for permission from his lady to ejaculate as usual. Now, however, you will raise the hurdle that the male must overcome to please you his princess. You must answer in the negative when he asks permission to ejaculate. Your love making session should continue to supply you, his Queen with the quantity and quality of sexual stimulation and Orgasmic Bliss that “You” desire but it Must Conclude Without your Male experiencing Ejaculative Orgasm.

This will establish a fundamentally important milestone in your sexual relationship. You will have abundantly reinforced the fact, that you his Queen & Supreme Ruler are in Total and Complete Control of the Lovemaking Process. Your Stud Muffin will no longer be able to take for granted that your romantic interludes will result in an ejaculative orgasm for his elated enjoyment. As a consequence, with tease & denial, He will get Hornier & Hornier as his Libido Beautifully Builds from day to day, while you frequently and freely experience Orgasmic Bliss to your utter hearts content…  Such a Win-Win if you ask me !!!

The Longer The Male Waits For his Ladies Permission to Orgasm (With Routine and Habitual, Tease and Denial) The Better, Stronger & More Appreciative He Will Be when IT’s finally Permitted…

With “Karezza” Sex, the Male Is Always Horny and “Wanting” Due to (Routine & Habitual)  Prevention & Denial of Ejaculative Orgasm, and thus Always Desires his Princess and Her Glorious Heavenly Femininity.

The MAIN purpose of “Karezza” is the Maintenance and Indeed The Intensification of Desire in the Male, But Also, Much More Frequent Enjoyment of Blissful Sexual Pleasure of both the Male & Female within the context of Their Relationship.

Subliminally, The Male Quickly Learns through (Repetitive Conditioning), That His Throbbing, Pulsating, Desperate Erection Is Ultimately for his Ladies Orgasmic Pleasure, Dominance and Entertainment, Not For His Ejaculation !!!

The first time you engage in a sexual activity with your male, that has, as its sole purpose, “Him Pleasing You”; it will quite possibly feel somewhat exotic and a little foreign to your experience. But as you get over the novelty of the event you will find it a tremendously empowering and a very erotically fulfilling experience. Some women say that they get an erotic power rush from the routine & habitual “male orgasm denial” experience, however some say they initially feel guilty about the increased frequency of the number of glorious orgasms that they have versus the Very Few that their males ultimately have, But most women get over this guilt in no time !!! 

This sometimes is the most difficult moment for many women who follow this program. I always feel it essential to once again remind women at this point that everything in this program is consensual for both the male and female and it requires whole-hearted support from both. Also you must keep in mind that ejaculation is not denied to your male, merely rationed for better intimacy & performance and that this is all part of a process to enable you and your male to rekindle the diminishing romantic love between you. By you making this important final step of not consenting to his most wanted ejaculation, essentially the love making session has not closed for him but will continue into the next day, and throughout the day, and on into the next, ECT…

It also paradoxically extends and intensifies the males pleasure and prolonged bliss, saving him from a quick release followed by an even quicker loss of desire, climax and anti-climax and produces a wonderful sexual tension and hunger that far exceeds the short-lived orgasm in excitement and intensity.

As one husband reported:

My wife absolutely plays me like a finely tuned piano. She’s like a Mozart in concert. Dont get me wrong, I’m not protesting, I’m bragging. I’m right where I want to be, caught in her omnipotent feminine clutches, and I wouldn’t want to trade places with any other man on earth. I’ve discovered that the remarkable joy of constant arousal, being imprisoned and held completely captive, deep inside of my queen while she climaxes freely, and the “Edging” she is so proficient at, far outweighs the momentary experience of an over rated ejaculative orgasm.

Another husband, who is rationed, admitted that:

It is a very erotic experience for me. Even at work my woman is constantly on my mind.

A third writes:

My wife likes to kiss me, hug me, get me all excited, and then send me off to work. Her feelings and thoughts and touches remain on my mind all day long and I just can’t wait for the day to end so I can see her. Therefore, when we finally have sex at her choosing, it is such an exciting cherished time for me.

Ladies, Once you pass this important milestone, you will find in your subsequent love making sessions that your lover will be more enthusiastic, more caring, more interested in pleasing you. Enjoy his attentions, revel in his Adoration.

 …the More he is Controlled the more he will “Want” to be Controlled….

…it’s like a snowball…  Woman just has to start the process and “Mother Nature” will “INDEED” lead the Male Psyche to seek more arousal drug (Dopamine) in his system by delaying his orgasm further and further…..

You will soon find that the more you manage, restrict & deny your Males ejaculations, the more he will naturally desire and pursue you. This will of course result in more attention, more caring, more love, more romance,  in short more courtship. As you move into this phase you will need to establish the balance point at which it becomes wisest to grant your Stud Muffin his orgasm. Depending on your age, lifestyle, libido and the frequency of your sexual sessions before you began this program, you will need to decide on a starting point and work from there. I usually advise younger ladies who might have sex 3 or more times a week to start allowing male orgasm at weekly intervals, middle-aged couples with more involved lifestyles, possibly with children, who might be having sex 1 or 2 times a week could start with allowing a bi-weekly male orgasm. Wherever you start, you will need to gradually start increasing the length of time between “His” orgasms until you reach the point of maximum effectiveness. This will be the point at which the caring and romance start to turn towards, irritation and negative behavior. When you see this type of behavior developing, you should back off the length slightly and use this as your guidepost going forward. Timeframes that Ladies establish can vary from 7 - 14 days, to as much as 30 days or longer. Typically 30 days is not unusual for couples in their 40s or 50s. As in all we have discussed previously, be prepared Ladies to listen to your beloved’s feedback, both verbal and non-verbal, to guide you to the best balance.

Once you reach this final stage and settle in at an appropriate level, all you need do is maintain this level as you move forward. It should be blatantly obvious that implied in this “Karezza” Training program, will be the fact that “You” should be setting a scheduled day for his next ejaculation in advance. This may well be as simple as deciding that the first Saturday of the month is your preferred day or may involve a more elaborate scheduling mechanism. In any case, the request/consent mechanism we have discussed should remain in place throughout. To keep things interesting, the next date should only be known by “You” his Queen. This will keep up the suspense and maintain your males attentiveness. As such, spot decisions during your multi orgasmic love making sessions are not recommended. You will invariably be distracted by your own sensations and find it difficult to make such decisions. Therefore it is highly recommended that you make your schedule at some prior moment and then stick to it. Some degree of variation of the date can also be used to maintain a healthy degree of anticipation for you both.

As you become more comfortable with the cycle you can even experiment with changing the scheduled date based on your Stud Muffins “Performance”. Consider awarding bonus points for exceptional performance by your man. These can be used to shorten the interval until his next ejaculation date. On the flip side deduct points for undesirable behavior on your boyfriends part. These negative points will lengthen the cycle. This type of carrot & stick approach can add a whole new level of Femdom playfulness into the program.

Similar philosophies

No doubt those of you who have some familiarity with the wide world of sexual practices will note a similarity to the Tantric Sexual practice in our program. One of the practices of Tantra does in fact include the concept of the male withholding his explosive ejaculation.

Withholding ejaculation has its roots in Tantra; in Maithun, it is important that the man not discharge his semen because it is considered a precious product of the life force. Semen and the males un-wasted sexual energy are transmuted into a finer substance that nourishes the higher centers of the body, which prepares it for the spiritual transformation that is the goal of Tantra. In Maithuna, the lady is free to achieve and enjoy orgasmic bliss at anytime during the ritual: The Womans excitement and orgasmic bliss indeed produces a precious vaginal secretion that the experienced tantric man then naturally “absorbs” through his thin skinned, blood filled, pulsing, captive, erect penis. The valuable female ejaculate, enveloping the imprisoned “Edged” erection is widely believed to tremendously enrich and nourish the males natural hormonal system, which further aids in the spiritual transformation of the united intimate couple.

Leaving aside the metaphysical, spiritually transformative aspects of Tantra we can see that the concepts we are working with here are not dissimilar. One essential difference however, is that the Tantra form of abstinence is self-motivated by the male. In other words, although the male ejaculation is withheld/managed/denied as with our “Karezza” program, with Tantra, it is the male himself who decides if & when he ejaculates.

The all-important and essential feature of the subliminal “Karezza” training program discussed above, is the powerful psychologically transforming principle, that it is the “Female” who “Sovereignly” makes the decision about whether the male is allowed to ejaculate OR NOT !!!

The Female Has Total Dominion Over The Male (Femdom) JUST AS NATURE INTENDED !

Now that you have reached a point where you are strategically rationing your males ejaculations to once every 30 days or so as you permit, you should feel free to explore the varieties of sexual experiences alluded to by Ms Dr Dodson in her book. This “Karezza” program is most definitely not about “You” waiting 30 days to have an orgasm with your boyfriend/ lover. If you are not Fully and Freely enjoying yourself and experiencing “Many” orgasms during the month, you have missed the entire point of this lesson and will be overlooking the critical and beneficial Never-ending vaginal stimulation that your man NEEDS to keep him “In Tune” so to speak…

Summary

Now that you have read through this material, take some time to think it over and discuss it with your Lover. If he is the one who has pointed you to this article, you have a leg up on implementing this program since he will most likely be very agreeable. If you have discovered this material on your own or through the intercession of a friend it is probably a good idea to ask your boyfriend/husband to read it through also.

If you are like most women, you will certainly have read or seen other material which discuss romance and marriage. While there may have been some variety in what you might have found, undoubtedly one of the main pieces of advice to rekindle romance will recommend that you try and get away for a romantic dinner or weekend alone with your man. This fantasy island scenario presumes that a brief dose of romance will suffice to counterbalance the tedium that will resume on your return to normal life. Those who have tried these types of outings will no doubt affirm that they enjoyed the outings but that upon their return to normal life, the benefit dissipated fairly quickly. Now having read the “Wisdom” contained in these pages, the answer should be quite apparent. These outings while enjoyable, do not in themselves address the fundamental issue. They still proceed under the assumption that the romance has been won. So in effect, trying to emulate activities from your courting days while enjoyable in themselves, does not address the fundamental problem of romance. This is a little like a football player being asked to don his old uniform and replay the moments from the big game or asking the hunter to take out his rifle and re-stalk the moose head hanging on his basement wall. There will certainly be some joy for the person in retelling the story or reliving the moments, but these will pale in comparison to the original activity and quickly fade with repeated telling.

The beauty of “Karezza” Training is that it does not involve a brief departure into a fantasy world and then a return to one’s everyday life. This ideology will become your everyday life and of course, That Is The Key. As such, it does not require any special preparations, nor does not require any travel, and it does not require any reservations. Coincidentally is a lot less expensive.

My final advice is to remember and convey, that this path is for you to travel jointly. As I have emphasized throughout, discuss this article, your thoughts and your plans with your Boyfriend. Communication is one of the most basic foundations of a good & lasting relationship. Take a gradual but urgent approach to the changes suggested here. When you are comfortable with one stage, move to another. As you move through this program you will find that your males desire to ”Please You” will naturally spread into the other areas of your relationship. You will find that he consults you more on financial decisions, on balancing work and family, even on his choice of friends. Everything will change for the better if you lay the foundation correctly.

When you practice the philosophies laid out in this article, you will be happier and your play mate will be happier. Your boyfriend/husband is happier because he is now a hero. He comes to your rescue by his continual romantic pursuit, by doing the things “You Need” and by thoroughly satisfying you sexually. You are happier because you are now the object of his undying worship, you have someone to talk to and do the things “You Desire” and because you are finally enjoying blissful orgasmic sex, frequently with your man again.

Indulge your wildest fantasies. As the Lady & Queen of the house, set yourself upon a pedestal and let your knight worship and pursue you romantically throughout the days and weeks to follow. It’s amazing how many aspects of your life your new relationship will touch.

Addendum

Mechanical assistance

Hopefully both you and your boyfriend/husband having read and put into practice the preceding material have seen the benefits of this approach. Unfortunately, due to the weakness of the human spirit, problems may develop. The basic premise as we have seen involves the woman managing and rationing the ejaculations of her male. It is quite possible that a situation may develop wherein the male decides to ejaculate of his own accord. I am speaking of course of solo masturbation.

Without wanting to shock my female readers, I feel constrained to inform you that all men will eventually masturbate. Let me repeat that for those not paying attention ALL men will masturbate. The timing and frequency may be at issue but not the basic fact. Somet men masturbate on a daily basis. If you think your man is different try this little test. Ask him out of the blue some day or quiet evening if he masturbates. Inevitably the response will consist of flustering and stuttering, red faces and finally a denial. But if you have been married to him for a while, you’ll see right through the denial.

Wives whose husbands are participating in this program will of course Not want their men to masturbate because it defeats the purpose of this program. Interestingly enough, males will not want to masturbate either, because this will also ruin the program for them. However, the flesh can be weak and it is difficult to overcome a lifetime of habit. Therefore I recommend that Ladies should do all they can to ensure that their play things do not in fact succumb to this temptation. So what can be done?

It is not really practical to monitor your man constantly including when he showers and uses the toilet so alternatives should be explored. I submit that that women should consider the option of a chastity device that can be locked on the genitals to help keep idle hands from play. While this may sound a little too kinky to some, these devices are very popular and amazing mainstream.

This isn’t as kinky as it sounds

Considering our goals, using a device of this type can be a source of additional spice in the relationship we are creating. People being what they are, in a situation where one person gives physical control of his sex organs to someone else, the arousal usually becomes extremely intense. The partner who wears the chastity device has given the partner who has the “key” the ability to decide when sex can take place. Since our goal is managed and rationed ejaculation, these devices effectively prevent masturbation, it means that our program becomes that much more effective while providing an extra mental level of constant titillation. This can be a great deal of fun for both people. When you hear that click as the lock closes, and you both realize that you “His Queen” are holding the only key, this will provide a mental rush for both parties.

As with all else in this article, I recommend discussing and exploring this option with your husband. Should you jointly decide that you are interested in pursuing this course I would advise you to start with the device called a CB-6000. This is an inexpensive, adjustable, comfortable device with a fair degree of security and can be worn for long periods undetected under clothing once the wearer becomes accustomed to it.

Learning how to lengthen the arousal and erection period while delaying orgasm is an important part of maximizing enjoyment from sex. As the erection proceeds, the physical sensations become increasingly more and more exciting, and the psychological pressure to ejaculate becomes more and more intense. The trick is to learn to keep the stimulation just below the level required for ejaculation while learning to deal with the increasing psychological pressure to ejaculate. Like driving a racing car closer and closer to a wall at ever high speeds, the psychological pleasure becomes more and more intense, the longer the arousal can be maintained without ejaculation, but the greater the enjoyment for the man. Furthermore, the longer this stage can be maintained, the more powerful and enjoyable the orgasm will be for the man. Thus, developing skills for doing this and dealing with the psychological desire to ejaculate for as long as possible are essential for the full enjoyment of partner (and solo) sex, and this is what requires practice. Women usually require a somewhat longer period of time to become fully aroused, so being able to delay orgasm potentially increases the enjoyment of sex by both partners…

Many women believe that men are happier the more frequently they can have intercourse. This is not really accurate. What men truly enjoy is being aroused with their partner (and as their partner is also aroused) while both remain in an aroused state for a long period of time, delaying orgasm for as long as is comfortable and possible…

This morning was Take 2 on the mummy wrap thing.

Take 1 was fun but we had some issues with the vet wrap and trying to do it in the bedroom- so we switched to pallet shrink wrap and moved the whole operation out into the bondage rack in the garage.

First, off came the chastity device.

An 8’ 2x12 plank was placed across the slats of the rack at about counter top height. The shrink wrap comes in a 1000’ x 2’ roll.

The rest of the supplies were simple:

Handcuffs Ball gag Blindfold Foam ear plugs Spring clamps

I was stripped completely naked and sat up on the plank.

The ball gag was placed in my mouth, the plugs in my ears, and the blindfold over my eyes.

And I laid back onto the foot wide piece of wood.

My arms naturally fell below the wood and my wife secured them underneath with the handcuffs.

At this point just with the handcuffs I was pretty secure and could only lift my head a few inches off the wood.

Then she started wrapping me.

She started at my feet pulling the roll of shrink wrap tightly around me and the plank.

I couldn’t really tell how many layers I was getting but it was a slow process with my heart was racing and my mind just crashing into subspace as I felt the tight compression inching its way up my body.

Squeezing around my legs.

Covering my throbbing hard penis without seeming to notice.

Around my torso now taking away the tiny bit of wiggle room my arms had underneath the plank.

I’m in muted darkness. My wife is not saying a word. Just wrapping. And wrapping.

Around the top of my chest and shoulders.

Then I feel the plastic drape across my face.

I freaked out.

I literally cannot move an inch. I can’t even wiggle anything but my fingers, toes and my head which is still free.

“Please no- please please not my face.” I’m trying to scream but muffled by the gag.

The plastic wasn’t really over my face- it just brushed across it- but clearly showed how close to panicking I was. So my wife removed the gag and we spoke a moment- deciding to not wrap above the neck and leave the gag off this time so we could talk if needed.

But the blindfold and the ear plugs remained so aside from being able to lift my head about an inch and see nothing I was completely immobilized.

Then I felt her cut a little hole in the layers of plastic wrap and pull out my penis.

It was the first touch I’d felt in ten days locked in chastity so my little penis was immediately throbbing hard and sticking straight up in the air.

Next I felt her cut holes for each of my nipples and pinch them hard- pulling each out of the plastic.

Then came the steel spring clamps. Her new ones from the hardware store- OMG they’re vicious.

One for each nipple. And then one right on the head of my little penis.

I writhed in pain inside the plastic and soon lost track of time and if she was standing next to me or not.

My erection quickly succumbed to the pain and the weight of the metal clamp and fell to the side.

I was flaccid relaxed and floating just taking in the now dull pain of the clamps as I waited for her in silence.

It was maybe ten minutes later when all three clamps were pulled away which was actually more painful than when they were first applied.

I cried out a little in surprise and thanked her

A second before out of nowhere the pain was multiplied tenfold when she brought the flogger down hard on my freshly unclamped skin- so hard it took my breath away.

But finally after the whip there was pleasure. Her hand was on my penis. Rubbing her thumb coated in my precum across the sensitive underneath and along the marks left by the clamp. Teasing me with a vibrator. Telling me I was a good boy.

And I was hard again. My penis straining like it was going to explode.

As she allowed me a minute or two of reward- teasing me along. I imagine her smiling.

Until she lifted her hand and left me bobbing obscenely around begging for more attention.

And then she repeated the process.

Again

And again.

And again.

Until finally she removed my blindfold and earplugs and I blink in the harsh fluorescent lights in the garage.

Raising my head and trying to focus I see she’s already started cutting the plastic wrap with trauma sheers, starting from my feet and cutting right toward my balls.

“Do I make you nervous?” She asked, all smiles.

“No Ma’am” I answered. “I trust you.” But I lay my head back choosing not to watch her cut past my manhood.

“Good.” She said as she released one wrist from the handcuffs. “Because we’re not finished yet. Roll over.”

Surprised I did as I was told and she quickly handcuffed me back this time on my stomach with my arms locked in front of me under the plank.

And then it was time for the flogger again. From the top of my shoulders to the bottom of my feet she laced into me with vigor for about ten minutes until I was released and told to pick up and put away. After that it was a quick monitored shower and back in chastity for at least another three weeks.