i want to live in the countryside in a house by the sea with three border collies, two cats, maybe a couple other dogs, near a forest, by mountains, in a climate with four seasons, with a lake in biking distance, with someone that i love, have children. far enough from the city that i can see stars at night, but where there is access to a train. with enough money to travel, afford weekend trips to the city. with a bathtub, and a sauna, and a fireplace, a wood stove. trees to hang a swing and hammock. enough space for a home library. and studio. with a good kitchen where i can bake and cook, guest room to have all my friends from all over the world over. where it is quiet and peaceful and beautiful and i can pick berries and feel okay. and is that too much to ask? it's so much, but is it too much to ask for after everything i've been through?
i want too much. i want to make up for everything i've been through. i want to live forever. even if i live to one hundred and nine he'll still have stolen a fifth of my life. i want to be glad i lived. and i want theatre and romance, dramatics and art. goats and ducks and to watch a solar eclipse. to see a comet. bathe in a waterfall. skydive and hang-glide and hammer hot iron. live long enough to forget my dead name. live long enough to forget what he smelt like. watch the sunset and then the sunrise from a mountaintop. what i want is endless and nauseating. the underside screaming to make up for that. to make it worth all that. like i could balance the good and bad of my life on a set of brass scales. could i? when i was back there i didn't even know what i wanted. i didn't know enough to want it. i just wanted and wanted until it ate me alive. will i ever be rid of it?
dailybridgerton
tangentwithtanner
ellievsbear
gummygunk
amandla
theartofmadeline
gamechangershow
