Startical

If you’ve just stumbled upon this microblog about my Startup Sabbatical, here’s how you can quickly dive in and find something (hopefully) interesting.

Curious about Startical? First read:

Why a Startical? and

The Startical Guidelines

Care to join me on a 31-day journey of startups, adventure travel and introspection?

Start from the bottom of the last page and read in reverse back to here, or

Start from Day 10 for the overland trip from Montreal to San Francisco via Detroit and Chicago

Cut to the conclusions?  Read my takeaways:

Tranquility & Creativity

Depression

Bitterness & Happiness

Startups & Relationships

Happy reading!

This is George. You didn't meet him during the Startical but, in fact, he was instrumental in this blog becoming a reality. I met George at a museums hackathon in November and we became friends. When I mentioned to him that I was planning a Startical he suggested that I share my experience through a video diary, blog or the like. And I took him up on that suggestion with this tumblr blog.

George lives in Europe but he's in Montreal as part of his Univership which will include some work for reelyActive. Of course he chose the coldest f%&#ing week to arrive in Montreal, it's like -20C right now, hence the thick green sweater which his grandma made for him.

One of CandyLabs’ first customers was someone Geng met at a recent business convention in Montreal, Jeffrey Dungen, CEO of a local Internet startup company, reelyActive. Dungen bought six kilograms of custom-made candy bearing the reelyActive logo. “Lin is going the extra mile to make his customers happy,” said Dungen. “For customers like myself who are also entrepreneurs, we deeply respect that and will do everything we can to help CandyLabs’ word-of-mouth marketing.”

Remember photographer Eva Blue and how I try to photobomb every one of her photos I find myself in?  Well, the above is a classic from that evening at the Founder Fuel Demo Day.

Here are the links to some more:

https://www.flickr.com/photos/evablue/15324962374/

https://www.flickr.com/photos/evablue/15759934860/

https://www.flickr.com/photos/evablue/15761196409/

https://www.flickr.com/photos/evablue/15761193089/

https://www.flickr.com/photos/evablue/15761161329/

Dan Gilbert, author of "Stumbling on Happiness," challenges the idea that we’ll be miserable if we don’t get what we want. Our "psychological immune system" lets us feel truly happy even when things don’t go as planned.

I'd say that this classic TED talk is a must-watch for anyone thinking of starting a startup, and even more pertinent as one approaches the necessity of a Startical.

From the little blurb above, it's important to remember that almost nothing goes as planned in a startup, but our "psychological immune system" can let us feel truly happy nonetheless.  I recognise how often I inadvertently use this tool to find satisfaction in what actually ended up happening rather than lamenting about what didn't.

Remember my post from Day 5 when I introduced you to a very happy Claudia?  Well this is what that was all about.  She made us two belts using the PCBs from our reelyActive reelceivers.  I kept one for myself and gave the other to my co-founder as a non-denominational holidays present.  I was responsible for the schematic design of this board and he took care of the layout and fabrication.

While one of the goals of the Startical was to make peace with my relationship with startups, it turned out that during the same period I would also work towards making peace with my last relationship, period.  As I explained as early as Day 3:

It’s quite clear to me now that over the last year or so, I was far from my best at dividing my time, energy and love between my startup and my relationship.

My chat with Doug in Detroit renewed my optimism that I might indeed balance a startup and a healthy relationship:

It feels like timing is the most critical aspect of that delicate balance, with a highly flexible and opportunistic schedule required.

One of my great challenges was that I'd feel like I let my partner down when I couldn't balance that schedule quite right.  Reading The Power of Now on the Wolverine from Detroit to Chicago I realised:

By letting myself identify with [past disappointment and future fears], I feel pain, I fulfil the prophecy and let my partner down, and this in turn compounds the pain.

When we met up in San Francisco after four months apart it wasn't easy, but being face to face was far preferable to our previous communication through screens.  Thanks to the personal development I had done during the Startical and in the preceding months, as well as the calmness of spirit I felt from my travels, after a few days we were able to restore much peace and understanding.

On Day 26, when circumstances made it difficult for me to recall all my recent revelations from introspection, that peace and understanding was quickly put back in question.  Despite my efforts, by Day 28 the situation still seamed bleak.  However on Day 29:

once I finally cut out all my own bullshit and accepted everything shared with me as including love and good intentions, progress was made

What has all this taught me?  Startups are hard, but they're rewarding because they push you to be your best.  Relationships are hard too.  Especially when they push you to be your best as well.  It's challenging to be your best at two things simultaneously, but it is of course possible when you accept that your best means your best.  Only you know what is your best, and if you're honest with yourself, only you can judge if your best promotes a healthy relationship with your startup and your partner.

The Startical reminded me how I can be bitter about aspects of the startup ecosystem.  Perhaps bitter is too strong a word, because in some instances I'm just critical, however it's clear from some of my posts that this can be accompanied by negativity.  Examples include my thoughts on startup fundraising, my thoughts on what I'd pitch at an accelerator demo day, my discussions with peers following FounderFuel Demo Day, my conversation with business partners about funding entrepreneurship, my rant about music streaming services, my grumbles about the Montreal ecosystem precipitated by a friend's move to Toronto, my analogy of homeless people and fundraising startups, and my deception concerning the lather-rinse-repeat mentality of so many startups and their investors, provoked by a David Bowie exhibit.

I’m drawing a parallel between a homeless person asking for help on the street and a startup asking for help from investors.  In both cases, the ask is usually money, but in reality that money is just a means to an end.

It seems like it’s frowned upon to be honest about all the shit your startup is going through.  And we all know we’re going through shit, it’s never as peachy keen as we’re expected to make it seem all the time.

Nonetheless, the Startical reminded me that I'm far from just bitter.  For instance, I hit a real high simply from Adrien's selfless contributions to reelyActive.  I realised that working with outstanding people is what makes me happiest in startup life.  And the movie Wild, with clear parallels to the Startical, reminded me that I have no regrets about my time at reelyActive, and specifically why not.

The Startical reminded me how despite all of the wonderful and exciting aspects of my daily life, feelings of depression nonetheless creep up regularly.  Over the 31 days I hit serious downs when I reminisced about the unconditional love of my Golden Retriever, when little snags in my daily routine sent me spiralling downward, and when I quibbled with my partner over what I should have taken away from I Heart Huckabees and then went deeper over minor unrelated snags the following day.

Fortunately, the Startical also reminded me how with the help of friends and loved ones, as well as books and introspection, it is possible to identify the problem and pursue a path to betterment.  For instance, my reflections on the Wolverine, an emotional conversation with Will and some critical self-analysis aided by the Power of Now on the final day of the Startical all pushed me along that path.

The Startical reminded me how important it is for me to find an outlet for tranquility and creativity at least daily.  This could be as simple as watering my plants, as ridiculous as sharing a giant donut and craft beer atop a freight train, as random as drinking Apple Jepps in the company of open-minded travellers in the lounge car of the California Zephyr, as serene as enjoying a winter sunset, as fun as building a gingerbread house, or as deeply reminiscent as listening to a favourite old song.

I need creativity in my daily life.  The more the better.  And what I’ve affirmed over the course of this Startical is that my true satisfaction comes from the creative journey far more than from the product itself. 

I must remark that in my startup daily routine, I don’t often enough take the time to watch a sunset or sunrise, or enjoy a solitary moment in nature.  I should, because it clears my mind and restores my energy.  I will make a point to enjoy such moments far more frequently in my post-Startical routine.  That’s a promise to myself!

Fireworks at midnight to cap off the Startical.  It's 2015!

With only about 6 hours left to go in the Startical, I prepared sushi for a small New Year’s / end-of-Startical party.  I really enjoy the creative process of assembling maki, it's much like the gingerbread house project from a few days ago.

Day 31

Today is the final day of my Startical and today I'm making my best effort to live by what I learned over the course of the month.  I started my day with pushups and crunches, and took the time to attentively read a chapter of The Power of Now with a healthy breakfast.

What stood out for me in Chapter 4 was the following:

Maybe you are being taken advantage of, maybe the activity you are engaged in is tedious, maybe someone close to you is dishonest, irritating or unconscious, but all this is irrelevant.  Whether your thoughts and emotions about this situation are justified or not makes no difference.  The fact is that you are resisting what is.

When I re-read Why a Startical? it's easy for me to argue that I am indeed resisting what is.  Now here's what comes next:

You are making the present moment into an enemy.  You are creating unhappiness, conflict between the inner and the outer.  Your unhappiness is polluting not only your own inner being and those around you but also the collective human psyche of which you are an inseparable part.

I added the italics myself to emphasize what I needed to take away.  Indeed it is I who is resisting and allowing myself to be unhappy.  Of course, consciously that makes perfect sense.  But it's so easy to slip into the unconscious and forget this personal responsibility as I did during my visit to Kamouraska until I "finally cut out all my own bullshit and accepted everything".  This requires tremendous self-awareness: even though I felt completely conscious at the time, in retrospect, only now can I observe what I couldn't observe then.

The author, Eckhart Tolle, goes further to say:

The pollution of the planet is only an outward reflection of an inner psychic pollution: millions of unconscious individuals not taking responsibility for their inner space.

After trimming my e-mail inbox down to a single page of "action required" mails, I decided to give myself a break as this is the second to last evening of my Startical.  I decided to watch one of the movies from my Chicago purchase before bedtime, and settled on Escape from Tomorrow as it seemed the most appropriate to close out my Startical day.  Would it take me back to my childhood like Everything Counts?  Was attempting to capture the footage like running a startup?  I was curious!

It is not possible that this film exists.

- Drew McWeeny

That comment pretty much sums it up for me.  Especially after watching the "making of" afterwards, I am truly impressed that the crew and actors managed to pull off filming so extensively in a Disney park.  I am sure that every day of shooting must have felt like running operations at a disruptive (and borderline legal) logistics startup.  My respect goes out to the team.

Did the film take me back to my childhood memories of Disney World?  Not really.  Did it make me feel something profound?  Not really.  But I'd be curious to watch it again if ever I return to the parks in the near future with a family.  The last time I visited was in the early nineties!