does anyone else's brain really like to mash together sentences in languages that have no business being mashed. was petting one of our cats and thought with full confidence "この gatinho es とても wunderbar" and didn't reigster that it was wrong at first. ich bin cooked.
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gender envy usually gets used as a positive to neutral expression but there sure is an evil form of gender envy if you've been in the depths of dysphoria. i have a friend whos talked about hearing news stories of kim petras in highschool and being so jealous it made her angry. i've struggled talking to online friends who got on HRT faster due to their countries better healthcare because obviously i'm happy for them but like. man. ya know its not healthy but if you've been there? you get it. ohhhh you get it.
digital selfharm is real. do NOT check up on that ex-partner/ex-friend. do NOT reread those old messages/conversations that you know will hurt your feelings all over again or that will otherwise make you feel like shit. do NOT block evade to see if you’re being talked about. inhale. exhale. let it pass and you’ll be better for it.
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just learned i have no idea where copenhagen is geographically. the part of denmark i kind of idly assumed was copenhagen is actually fully in schleswig-holstein which is my bad but then it turns out copenhagen is basically in sweden?? like why would you let your capital out like that. it could get eaten by a bird
Twitch's Q&A stream about the recent "Training for Generative AI" update
VOD: Patch Notes Ep48 (Aug 26)
Streamed on: August 14, 2026
Speakers: Mary Kish, Twitch’s Head of Community, and Mike Minton, Twitch’s Chief Product Officer.
I know that some people weren’t able to catch Twitch’s Q&A stream and/or don’t have the time to review the VOD, so here are all the Generative AI-related questions from the stream with timestamps, summaries of their answers, and transcripts of direct quotes.
The Q&A lasted for almost an hour, so this post is pretty long! In the hopes of making things a bit easier to find / read, I made all the questions purple and the key quotes / highlights have been bolded for emphasis.
(Remember to opt-out if you haven't already!)
The Generative AI discussion starts at 21:14 in the VOD.
—
Q&A Section
22:28 – They define what Generative AI is (sort of).
23:40 – Q: What does opting-out cover, and what does it not cover?
Short answer: It opts you out of model-training, or as Mike Minton describes it, Generative AI. Mike and Mary also clarify the distinction between Generative AI and the type of AI used for things like safety tools, since it's an important distinction.
25:17 – Q: If I opt-out, will AI-powered features, like captions or safety tools, still work on my channel?
Short answer: Yes
27:33 – Q: How do I opt-out right now?
Mary shares her screen and shows where the opt-out option is in the Settings page.
(RA Note: It’s under the “Security and Privacy” section)
29:17 – Mike jumps in to add that almost every content service makes users opted-in by default with no ability to opt-out (re: Generative AI). Twitch’s Terms of Service already permits the training of (Generative AI) models, but they (Twitch) went the extra step to add the control to let people opt out.
30:02 – Q: Why is it not opt-in?
Mike: Well, there’s an honest answer, and I think most of you can probably appreciate this, like—If it was opt-in, nobody would opt-in. That’s honestly the answer, so by- by– It’s gonna be on by default, and I said almost every content service in the world is on by default, the- the– I think the thing that we’re doing here that is unique and different is- is respecting your wishes to opt-out of model training. And I- I know this is not a fan-favorite, I know it’s very upsetting to the community, but this is- this is, you know, where we are.
Mary: Yeah, we don’t expect you to be happy or excited about this, and… I… I don’t expect anyone to react to this favorably. It’s across the board. There are people who are like, “We’ll go somewhere else, we’ll stream somewhere else–” This is very industry-standard. Streaming somewhere else won’t absolve you of training, and things like this, and GenAI. Being able to opt-out is so important for you to share with others, and recognize that you can opt-out. So… please let other people know that you have this option.
31:30 – Mike offers some more clarification about specific types of use-cases (of different types of AI) like general-purpose LLMS (large language models) general doing things.
32:25 – Mike: We want to make a distinction that there’s no Twitch-specific use cases that we’re working on, as it relates to content-creation or anything like that.
32:36 – Q: Why can’t people opt-out of ALL AI-uses at Twitch?
They covered this a little bit in the first few questions, but Mike says core things that improve people’s safety or experiences on Twitch (ex: discovery / improving safety / captions / etc.) rely on underlying systems that are understanding content to be able to operate. Letting individual channels opt out of that would break their overall promise to the community of safety (and also in the context of advertisers).
33:46 – Mike once again emphasizes that they will respect and allow opt-out for things that are working on behalf of a creator, especially their content.
34:07 – They start taking questions from chat, explaining that they might answer ones they already answered at the beginning of stream for folks who weren’t able to tune-in earlier.
34:25 – Q: Why not have it opt-in? Have you already been training models?
Mike: Twitch has not been training models; I can’t speak to what Amazon is training or not training, as it relates to any type of specific usage of content.
Mike continues talking about how there are (depending on how you count it) 10 - 25 companies around the world that are creating what he calls ‘Frontier Large Language Models.'
35:00 – Mike: I don’t know this conclusively, but I think it’s a pretty reasonable assumption that almost any publicly-available content is being used for model training in one form or another—whether- whether permitted or not, so I think we also just need to acknowledge that, you know, there’s- there’s a lot here that is even beyond, you know, our direct control, but in terms of—as we said here— […] I can’t speak to what models have been trained or not trained, I can tell you that Twitch has not been specifically training models for our purposes.
35:45 – Q: The language in the new AI setting implies we are to choose between discoverability or having our content fed to AI, can you speak on this?
Mike says this setting doesn’t impact discoverability, this setting is allowing your stream’s content to be used to train models that may help those models operate better in the future. He again clarifies the difference between Generative AI vs. other types of AI that help improve features like recommendations or discoverability.
37:48 – Q: Who are you selling our data to?
Mary: No one, and I think that’s an important distinction. We don’t sell data.
Mike: No, we don’t sell data. […] That’s the most clear answer—we do not resell the data to other companies that are training models, so that’s not what’s going on here. We are not profiting or making any money by selling your data.
Mary: Amazon also doesn’t sell your data. Sometimes I think people are like, “You don’t, but you’re Amazon, and Amazon does.” Amazon doesn’t sell your data either, they have a strict policy on that. So, when I say “We’re not selling it,” I mean us. The royal “us.”
38:42 – Q: Given the response to the AI toggle, will you consider changing how AI-related features are rolled out in the future? Perhaps giving users a timely notice to toggle-off AI-related features before they’re implemented instead of auto-enrolling all users?
Mike: Yeah, I think that’s especially applicable on the creator side, where we have things in the future that may use AI to help improve those features, you know, we’re— It’s kind of a– We’re trying to be as clear as possible about what’s happening, but at the end of the day, and I firmly believe this, it really comes down to the end-product experience. Like, if it’s a good product experience, and it’s solving a problem you care about, how it’s done is less important than what the quality is, in terms of that, and we saw that feedback quite a bit with stream summaries.
Mike talks about the good and bad feedback they got about that feature, and how if stream summaries worked well, they might’ve had different feelings about it.
40:11 – Q: Did Twitch ask the Ambassadors and Creators their thoughts prior to rolling this out?
Mary says she can’t speak to all creators / ambassadors, she did not ask ambassadors their thoughts.
Mary: We were pretty tight-lipped on what we were able to ask or provide.
She says she did read through all the user voice entries and she’s aware of the current vibe / reaction from the community re: AI. She says she’s sorry she couldn’t invite ambassadors for their reactions early. They really wanted to try and release this after getting all their communications approved, but it was a really complicated rollout. She apologizes again for not being able to include the ambassadors early-on.
41:10 – Questions about comments on clips (not related to the AI discussion, so I’m not including these).
42:37 – Q: Have my VODs already been used for training?
Mike: [Long pause] In- in- in terms of— I don’t actually know the answer to that question, ‘cuz I don’t know what Amazon—or well, Amazon in this case—has done in terms of model training, and what they’ve used and not used.
Mary: Opting-out removes your previously-collected content from future training, and it makes sure your content isn’t used in future Generative AI training, so I would—and I think it works immediately, so… I would turn it on ASAP.
(RA Note: She specifically says "future" training, so it's unclear whether it's already been used for past training).
Mike: Y- yeah, but let’s—I mean, again, let’s try to… to level set here. When you think of the people that provide Frontier models to the internet (Frontier LLMs) and are doing this at very large-scale, Amazon is not one of those companies, turns out. The biggest ones most people are familiar with are going to be, you know, Chat GPT or OpenAI, to be specific, and Anthropic and (Clod?) etc., so… [Stammers] I think the honest answer here is like, if models were trained on your VOD, it may or may not have even been Amazon, it was likely any one of the, as I said earlier, dozens of companies that are creating models that are using any publicly-available content they can find.
44:09 – Q: Did the anti-GenAI user voice have ANY impact on the rollout of the GenAI update? Mostly want to know if user voice did anything, thank you.
Mary says yes, she reads the user feedback and other people do too, and it was used to impact what happens.
Mary: This has been in the works for longer than a week, this has taken weeks, if not months, to put together. Your voices and user voice ABSOLUTELY matter, and as (Mike) Minton was saying, I don’t expect anyone to jump for joy or be happy about this, but what I am saying is like the opt-out is a reflection of reacting to this community’s voice that you are not wanting to train GenAI models, and we want to give you that option. This toggle if a good example of hearing you and doing something for that opinion, so yes. Yes, we did.
45:14 – Q: There was a 13k user voice asking for it to be opt-in originally, did you use that?
Mary says yes, but the user voice was constructed before that, the user voice wasn’t asking for it to be opt-in originally. She says most of the feedback they see asks for no AI whatsoever, or more options about AI. She says they read that and utilize it for their feedback and the way that they adopted the rollout. She knows this isn’t a satisfying result but they did read and use feedback.
45:52 – Q: Will channels who remain opted-in be labeled for audiences as such? How do we know if a user has it on or not?
Mike says that depends on the feature, but there won’t be any label. Things like stream summaries will be obvious because users can see that that feature is turned on.
46:44 – Q: Why did Amazon and Twitch not use existing content models? Why is Amazon choosing to create a proprietary model?
Mike: For Twitch purposes, to be clear, we are almost exclusively using existing content models. When we train models specifically, they are not Generative AI models, they are models that are more into what we would call a “Machine learning model,” which outputs the score, a number, or something like that. We do train those types of models for specialized safety-use cases, etc., but when we’re doing content understanding, things like what’s being said in the stream and creating a transcript from it, we’re using an off-the-shelf model, it’s not a proprietary model.
47:40 – Q: Honest question, who’s this for? I don’t see this benefiting content creators, I see it used to replace you.
Mary says she thinks they can say something about that, she says she doesn’t think any of the use cases are to replace you (ie: streamers), replace your voice, replace your character, or any of that.
Mike says they’ve already answered this, they’re not trying to replace streamers. They have no plans or efforts for it, and they think it’s a terrible idea. He says their energy is around helping their creators be more effective, work harder (in terms of keeping their communities safe and creating content), etc. He gives examples of auto-clips for smaller streamers and captions on clips, and improving the lives of the community on Twitch.
49:57 – Q: Why frame this as being about accessibility and community? That feels really misleading.
Mary: It is not my intention to mislead you in any way, I think when we have these conversations, it’s really immediate and sometimes reactive, and this makes sense to me, because you don’t like AI in any form of it, and so we see a lot of chat that’s just like “No AI in any form, period. I don’t want it,” and I hear you. We’re not trying to distract you or, you know, make light of this, but I do want you to recognize that AI is used when we have a community of this size, and at this scale, to help us be more efficient, and that can be used for safety features, and for community-building features that you like, so it’s- it is important to have that nuance. So, I’m not trying to trick you or anything like that, but there is a difference between training AI Gen models and AI on Twitch, and so when I talked to the ambassadors about it this morning, they were like, “We’re not stupid, we know the difference,” and I don’t mean to make it sound like we think you’re stupid, or that you don’t understand, but I do think there are people out there who don’t fully grasp that difference, or they basically combine them as, “I just don’t like AI.” I don’t think we can function without some forms of AI, and that’s why you can’t opt-out out of some of them. And so I apologize for that, but it is a distinction we have to bring up.
Mike talks about how some survey said that more than half of adults use some form of AI on a daily basis, “Now you wouldn’t know that from reading Twitch chat, of course,” but he says it’s a general population-type study. He also says that the anger and anxiety about AI is also high, and those two things are in conflict. He says their bet is that in the long run, all creator concerns and participants within the (Twitch) ecosystem will be addressed in the same way that past technology transformations have been addressed over time. He once again talks about some different examples and ways it can improve user and creators’ experience on Twitch.
Mary says it’s a real tough time for AI right now and a lot of things are being scraped, and she reiterates that folks should utilize the option that they have to learn about training for GenAI and use your best judgement whether or not to opt-out.
Mike advises checking settings on other sites too if you want to avoid having your content get trained on.
54:47 – Q: Is the opt-out only available on desktop or mobile too?
Mary says it was a dual-release on IOS and desktop, she recommends updating things if you’re not seeing the option to opt-out on mobile.
Mike reminds folks it’s in Settings under Security / Privacy.
56:32 – Q: Would any art and assets that we use on our streams be used for training? Is it mainly our voices or the camera? If we are Vtubers, what is being used?
Mike says he’s not responsible for Amazon’s training efforts or terms of use / GenAI training, but he’d assume anything that’s part of your channel content wouldn’t be used if you opt-out.
Mike talks about how it can be difficult doing these kinds of Q&As for a variety of reasons.
Mike: What we’re trying to do is triangulate answers here that are complex answers to questions that have, in some cases, concerns from a ‘What we say can get us in trouble’ perspective, and not just with the community, but like literally in trouble in different ways around the world. We have—obviously I am not speaking on behalf of Amazon on any of their efforts, so there’s this triangulation that’s going on to try and find an answer that is as, you know, helpful as possible to explain what’s happening here and why without breaking into jail in one of many different dimensions that we—or that I specifically—could be breaking into jail here, so I appreciate and know that this is a very sensitive topic, and I am honestly doing the best I can to try and find answers that answer your question and respect your feelings and frustrations about this specific use of technology. I understand that I live in a bubble that is not your reality, as it relates to this technology and your use of it, and so I, you know, just want to emphasize I respect your opinion, I respect your feelings, and we’re doing the best we can to try and thread a line here that meets the needs of everyone.”
58:44 – Q: Will this make us more money, if users stop using Twitch because of this?
Mary says it’s a delicate topic, and the community had the reaction she expected us to have, which is that we don’t like this. Because this is industry standard, when people say they’re not going to use Twitch anymore, going other places won’t absolve you of this.
Mary: This opt-out is something that we really encourage you to use and share with your communities so that they know, I know that I will tell my community, ‘Hey, just so you guys know—I have opted-out for GenAI,’ because I have community members that would not join my stream if I opted-in. So I’m gonna tell them and be vocal, and I encourage you guys to do what’s best for you and your channel settings, but it’s not as easy as saying ‘everyone’s just gonna leave’ because this is something across the board. It’s something that’s happening on livestreaming communities across the space.
1:00:20 – Q: Captions on clips is great, but we don’t have the option to edit the captions, and sometimes they’re incorrect. Are you gonna let us add that or fix that?
Mike says they’re working on that. Sizing, positioning, and colors are also being worked on.
1:01:00 – Mary mentions there are some questions about laws and complying with EU laws, she mentions it’s gone over a lot of lawyer scrutiny, so it should be compliant with all laws.
1:01:29 – Q: You mentioned most people use AI nowadays. You understand how much of it is being forced onto us against our will, right? Almost every website I go to these days, some AI bot is shoved into my face within minutes. Where does it being forced against our will factor in?
Mike acknowledges that, but the specific survey he was referring to were using chat bots like ChatGPT to solve their own problems or their own usages specifically, it was not counting the people who didn’t have a choice (like Google).
Mike says they’re trying to answer as many questions as they can.
1:02:42 – Q: [To Mike] If you were a streamer, would you opt-in?
Mike says for him personally, just because he’s more comfortable with what’s going on and what the technology is doing and not doing, he would not bother to opt-out. He says everyone needs to make their own decision about it though, and that’s why people have the ability to opt-out.
1:03:07 – Q: What happens if a creator who opted-out is collabing with a creator who opted-in for a stream together session?
Mike says what they should do there is respect the opt-out. He says they’ll consider that use case.
(RA Note: In other words, there isn’t something in place for that situation yet and/or they haven’t considered it).
1:03:58 – Q: They want to have a way to see what channels have opted out. (Mary paraphrases this question since they already answered it earlier) I don’t want my chat participation used, so I’d like to avoid those streams.
Mary says right now, there’s nothing that lets you know someone is opted-in or out. Mike says you could go channel-to-channel and ask people, but they don’t intend or have a plan to make an indicator of that.
1:04:43 – Q: Will Twitch’s official streams be opt-in or opt-out?
Mary: I think we’re gonna opt-out.
1:04:56 – Q: Wasn’t this clear in the user voice [feedback]?
Mary: Yeah, I mean, I think you guys made yourselves very clear in the user voice. I don’t think that can be misinterpreted. I think this community’s stance has been pretty clear on your views of AI. There’s no misunderstanding, I hear you loud and clear.
Mike: Yeah, not tone-deaf here in terms of knowing where the community stands, the feedback’s been quite clear.
1:06:03 – Q: You don’t know what it’s being used for training?
Mary: I think the better answer to that question is Mike does know, we do know that it’s being used to train models, but it’s a BROAD stance of what you can train a model for, so giving you a list of 500 use cases I don’t think is actually very helpful, the point is it helps train models, and the use cases are endless, probably. So if that makes you uncomfortable, or you don’t like that, then I encourage you to use the opt-out function, and to tell your friends.
1:06:48 – Q: Why didn’t Twitch email people?
Mary says that’s a fair question. After a pause, she says they have conversations internally about how to release this information, and they use Twitch Support most regularly, and they moved the release date to be on Patch Notes so they could talk to the community about it directly and have this conversation. She says social media is a very effective tool and that not everyone emails creators. Social media, DMs, and live streams tend to get the information out further than an email, and she acknowledges that this isn’t the best answer, but it’s also true that creators don’t always read their emails.
1:08:00 – Q: Concerns about voice cloning [Paraphrased]
Mike says that’s specifically not one of the things that’s being done, it’s maybe used for speech understanding, but it’s not used for voice cloning specifically, and that’s one thing he can confirm isn’t being done. He says, “the people responsible for it did confirm that detail.”
1:08:51 – Q: Are chats opted-in?
Mary says it’s creator-based, so if a creator has opted-out, then their chats are not included. “You, the creator, make the call for your chat, not chat.”
1:09:29 – Q: Hey, [Twitch] is just trying to hide this
Mike says this is the opposite of hiding it, acknowledging it publicly isn’t hiding it. He says they’re here and doing the best they can to address user questions, and they’re doing their best to make it clear that the opt-out option exits. They published a blog post and tweeted about it, he says he thinks it’s good feedback in terms of email or notifications, they’ll look at other ways to make sure this message gets out as broadly as possible.
1:10:06 – Q: What stops Twitch from using AI in the future, from adding more features that can control creators?
Mary: I would just reiterate that user voice is a powerful tool that we do read, and it does impact things that we do or don’t do. Having a user voice with that many upvotes and that many comments is something that I can utilize. Your voice is important and I think—I encourage you to continue to be vocal with your opinions on AI, which do help us make better decisions for you guys over time.
1:10:47 – Q: Will opting-out be used to lower eligibility for front page?
Mary says no, it’s not related and creators won’t be hurt for turning it off. Not discoverability, not eligibility for ads or marketing or any opportunities, it won’t impact creators. Mike adds that it has zero connection to site functionality, this option is only about training models, “Models, at least in our current reality, Twitch is not using.”
Mike clarifies what he means by “current reality” is that nobody can predict the future. Things change, but he thinks a lot of these concerns will be addressed. Mike also says, “I do know from just the very basic functionality, there are certain things that AI does better than any other technology we’ve had before, as it relates to content understanding at scale. That understanding then lets us do a lot to improve the viewer and streamer experience on Twitch.”
1:11:27 – Q: Can there be a Twitch notification for the browser and mobile apps?
Mary said there could be, and they should probably continue to get the word out about this.
1:12:34 – Q: Would it be better to have people opted-out by default?
Mary says they talked about it earlier, but the opt-out function is available and it’s something they really encourage people to use.
1:12:50 – Q: [General question] What are you using it for?
Mary: To train GenAI models. Opting-out stops that immediately, like, the second you click it.
Mary encourages folks to continue being vocal, especially in spaces where they can continue to have this conversation.
1:13:42 – Q: Will GenAI be trained off our VODs, or are they trained off of livestreams?
Mike clarifies that his earlier answer to this question wasn’t as helpful as it could’ve been, so he clarifies:
Mike: I think the important thing is that if you remain opted-in, any of your channel content, whether VOD, clip, live, chat, anything in and around your channel, may be used for training. The point I made earlier is that I don’t know specifically how it will be used in a given thing, we’ve given one example, which is- we think is a reasonable assumption, which is for audio. You know, one of the biggest use-cases for AI is translating audio into text, and so the use of your audio may be used to improve the ability to do that translation, and then that would improve future features potentially, like captions or even– well, live captions, or clip captions.
1:14:55 – End of Q&A, Closing Remarks
Mary says there will be a lot more conversation about this in the coming days, and she’ll do her best to consolidate a lot of this feedback from chat and user voice in different spaces so they can use it in their internal conversations at Twitch. She says she really appreciates people’s passion and thoughtfulness in this conversation, and she says, “I hear you fully.”
She says they will have “Patch Notes” streams like this every month, and they will be communicative and tell the community what’s going on. She appreciates folks talking with them and participating in the conversation. She thanks Mike Minton for joining this “tough stream” and for being, “As honest as you absolutely could.”
Have you ever been writing some historical fiction and wondered "hey, I wonder if my characters would have been able to pop an ibuprofen in 1977?" Well, you're in luck, because this post is all about when common medications became available:
Acetaminophen: 1950
Albuterol: 1969 (UK) 1982 (US)
Allopurinol: 1966
Alprazolam: 1981
Amitriptyline: 1961
Amlodipine: 1990
Amoxicilin: 1972
Amphetamine/Dextroamphetamine (together as Adderall): 1996
Apixiban: 2012
Aripiprazole: 2002
Aspirin (first NSAID): 1899
Azidothymidine (first antiviral): 1987
Barbital (first barbiturate): 1903
Bupropion: 1985
Buspirone: 1986
Calcium Carbonate (TUMS): 1930
Captopril (first ACE inhibitor): 1981
Chlordiazepoxide (first benzodiazepine): 1960
Chlorothiazide (first thiazide diuretic): 1957
Chlorpromazine (first antipsychotic): 1952
Cyclobenzeprine: 1977
Diphenhydramine: 1946
Furosemide: 1959
Fluoxetine (first SSRI): 1988
Gabapentin: 1993
Glipizide: 1984
Hydrochlorothiazide: 1959
Ibuprofen: 1969 (UK) 1974 (US)
Insulin: 1923 (though many types of insulins would become available over the next century)
Imipramine (first tricyclic antidepressant): 1959
Iproniazid (first antidepressant (MAOI)): 1952
Levothyroxine: 1927 (though desiccated pork thyroid was used for the same reasons as early as 1890)
Lisinopril: 1987
Lithium: 1949
Losartan (first ARB): 1995
Lovastatin (first statin): 1987
Naproxen: 1976 (Rx) 1990 (OTC)
Nitrogen Mustard (first chemotherapy agent): early 1940's
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Day 21 of SSO posting: The fic I've been saying I'll post for probably years now tbh (under a readmore bc somehow this ended up being over 2k words)
Izan wakes to the blaring of his alarm, blindly slapping his hand in the direction of the sound before his brain has fully awoken. As he manages to turn it off, he begins to return to his body from the dream state he was in.
This, as it turns out, was a mistake.
The cold November air has crept through the poorly insulated walls of his room here at the Wolf Hall Inn and settled into his bones. He can feel the cold climbing it's way up the pandoric scars lacing his body and slipping inside his bones in much the same way the crystals themselves have done. He groans, huddling back under the scratchy wool blanket in hopes that it will do something for him, but unfortunately the second alarm he has set goes off and reminds him of the time. With great irritation he rolls over to turn off the alarm and looks at his phone. Luckily he's not running late yet, but it is still too early for a man who has spent most of his life avoiding the waking hours of normal people. He scowls at the little numbers taunting him with the text "7:00", looking far to cheery for such a dismal morning, but his gaze softens when his view falls upon the lock screen image. It's a new photo of Mango, reaching up to grab an apple from a tree, her big mule ears so far forward in excitement they're getting leaves in them. He sighs, knowing he can't bail on her, and goes to sit up in bed.
This is his second mistake. The cold hits even more strongly with the blanket no longer insulating him and it brings with it a bone-deep ache. He tenses his fists and jaw, nails digging into his palms and breathing slowly. The pain is overwhelming at first and he feels tears well up in his eyes, which he hates but at least there isn't anyone to witness his weakness. After some time spent in this haze of pain he remembers the painkillers he has set on the bedside dresser for just this occasion and reaches out to grab them, one hand still balled in the sheets. He must have drank the cup of water at his bedside overnight, so he forces himself to swallow the pills dry. Unfortunately, he knows he hasn't left himself enough time this morning to let them kick in so, with a deep breath to steady himself, he throws the blankets off and swings his legs off the side of the bed.
Standing up is a whole different issue, however. As he slides his feet to the ground he is grateful for the carpet under his feet, rough as it may be, for its insulation from the frigid floor. Once he moves his weight to his feet he is even more grateful as he feels his right leg give out from under him and send him gracelessly tumbling half onto the bed and half to the floor. He swears under his breath as he pulls himself back to sitting on the bed, feeling the cold crawl even more aggressively up his legs now that they aren't covered by a blanket. He bites his lip, every muscle in his body tensed in pain. Squeezing his eyes closed, he shoves himself to a standing position, managing to stay upright long enough to grab the edge of the dresser. Leaning his weight into it, he pulls some clothing out and throws them onto the bed before he does the same with himself. He takes a moment to compose himself again, breathing deeply and prying his teeth from his lower lip. They return to the worn indents once he tries to get clothed a minute later though, rolling onto his side to pull off his sweatpants and pull on the jeans he grabbed. Every bend of his stiff, crystalline joints sends another jolt echoing up his bones like they're a hollow metal pipe someone's just hit with a hammer. He glares down at the glowing pink scars that trace along his veins, then, more slowly this time, bends his knees to peel the sweats off. As he carefully slides the cold, stiff jeans back up his legs, he thanks whichever god seems to have taken pity on him that the pandoric scars haven't extended to his hands yet, particularly when he needs to take a break to grip the bed sheets with all his might to counteract the throbbing in his leg.
Having made it past the worst part of getting dressed, he sits back up and sadly swaps his sleep-warm hoodie for a long-sleeved shirt. His warm woollen socks are next, much appreciated by his cold feet that cant do much to insulate against the wintry air themselves. He then reaches for the neck gaiter, slides it over his head and pulls it up, hiding the scars that crawl up his jugular and over his lower face from view. Finally he is ready to face the world, and a quick glance at his phone shows that it is just in time as he is now behind schedule by several minutes. Luckily the painkillers have begun to kick in, dulling all his senses along with the aches and making his brain feel like it's in a ball of cotton. He hates the sensation, but the pain is worse so he shrugs it off and quickly goes to put on and lace his boots. He grabs the coat he keeps by the door, and shoves his phone in the pocket before rushing out the door.
Here he is met with another challenge, the stairs. His room is up a flight of rickety wooden stairs on the outside of the building that snow has drifted to cover overnight and climbing down them looks like hell right now, but asking for help from someone else would reveal his weakness and he can't allow that for himself. Izan grits his teeth again and then grabs the hand bar, turning to the side as he gingerly bends his leg and lowers it to the next step. The painkillers try their best to overpower the sensation but this just leaves him with the odd duelling sense of the heat within his legs versus the cold snow outside them. His leg seems to be holding up fine so he brings the other one down to join it on the step. Slowly, bit by bit, he makes his way down the staircase, ignoring the way the snow has begun to melt into the cuffs of his jeans in favour of getting to solid ground again before his legs give out. He manages, and though the shakiness in them don't fill him with confidence, he trudges on with no time to take a break. The bus he takes to New Hillcrest during the week doesn't run on Sundays so he makes his way on foot along the past the abandoned farm, grateful that at least the road has been cleared. He would beg for a ride were anyone to pass him in a vehicle, but there's slim chance of that anywhere in Jorvik, as he has discovered the longer he lives here. He grumbles to himself about the winding nature of the country road before deciding to take the shortcut across the field, unwilling to add more time to his walk no matter how iffy the ground is. He nearly makes it across without incident, but just as he passes one of the manicured trees he slips on a hidden patch of ice and eats shit, hitting the ground hard enough to wind himself. As he lays gasping on the ground like a dying fish, he notices a shadow cast itself over him.
Following it to its source he makes eye contact with the annoyingly amused face of Blake. The man stares at him for a moment longer, then silently extends a hand and as much as Izan would like to rebuke him, he figures falling again in his attempts to get back up wouldn't help his image and so sits up and grabs his hand. Frustratingly, the other man is significantly stronger than he is despite their similar sizes, and has no trouble pulling him up onto his feet on the pavement. Izan can't stop the groan of pain that he lets out, but mercifully Blake seems to ignore it, instead pulling his journal out of one of his many pockets. While he writes something Izan takes a moment to check his own pockets to ensure his phone is still there and then greet the horses Blake has with him. He, as always, has his giant dopey black stallion by his side, and Chase seems to be taking advantage of the quiet morning to let his flames out without anyone seeing them. Tethered to Chase is one of the client's horses, a grey Lippizaner gelding, and though Izan can't quite remember the name of the horse's owner he is fairly sure the horse itself is called Pluto. Izan politely scratches both horses, and then attempts to stay standing as Chase takes this as an invitation to rub his whole head against him. Once he has fended off the itchy stallion he turns back to look at Blake, but not without moving to stand near the pleasantly warm flames bursting from Chase. The heat soothes the pain in his back, both from the crystalline scars and from the bruise that was surely blooming after his fall. Blake finally turns his notebook around, his irritating cursive-like scrawl reading "Figured I'd find you out here. You're late, I already brought Mango in from the field for you. Come on, ride Chase so we can get back quickly."
He doesn't wait for a response once Izan looks up from the journal, grabbing a spare helmet from the back of Chase's saddle and shoving it into his hands. Normally, Izan would argue, just out of principle from being told what to do, but he has no energy to spare this morning and so he just mumbles, "Thanks" and jams it on his head. Luckily he didn't have time to put his hair up in its usual bun this morning and so doesn't need to undo it. The issue he finds instead is when he turns to Chase. The stallion has never looked taller, all 18 hands of height towering over him and looking less than fun to climb on top of. He refuses to say anything about it to Blake, but it seems the man is watching him anyway as he pokes Chase in a spot behind the girth and prompts the stallion to lay down.
"I could have mounted on my own!" He says, offended by the accurate assessment of his ability. Blake just rolls his eyes, already atop of Pluto, and so Izan hurries to get on so as to not be far behind. He nearly melts once he is astride of Chase, the soothing heat of his flames and overall ambient warmth helping far more than the painkillers did, although the relaxation does mean he nearly falls off as the stallion suddenly stands up. He does recover, and quickly prompts the stallion into a fast walk, easily catching up to Blake and Pluto. Normally he would be trying to persuade the man to share more of the information on this island that he surely knows but wont share, but with how tired he is and the way the painkillers fog up his brain he's happy to enjoy the quiet that riding with Blake provides.
The warmth of the marsh passes too quickly, and before he knows it Izan is gingerly sliding off Chase's back onto the mounting block. Blake takes the reins from him once he's off, and gestures in the direction of the stable. Izan stumbles down the steps and walks as quickly towards the barn, trying to avoid the gaze of the teenagers that always seem to be mulling around outside of it. All his struggle is worth it, however, when he steps inside and hears the excited bray of Mango. Walking into her stall, he wraps his arms around her neck. In a moment he will go get her breakfast, and decide what to do with the rest of his day, but for this moment he simply relaxes, knowing he wouldn't give up the life that brought him and Mango together despite the pain it's caused him.
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