hoshi

that feeling of nervousness and fear mixing with sex and desire. it's addictive, you were addicted to him.

and he knew it. he knew from the moment he first took you in that closet and whispered strings of sweet nothings in your ears. 

your head spinning and reeling. your mind not being able to be able to focus on one thing. 

your scent and his mixing in the closet's atmosphere, swirling around you in tight coils as you try to gain some consciousness.

"baby." pops in your ear from each side at random intervals. his hands touching all over your chest and thighs. gripping them tighter as if he can't get enough of you already. as if he has to breath you in further.

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ok last one for the night, (hopefully!). but good night (or morning, afternoon, etc.) to you all. and let's hope that this revives my account cause this is really sad rn...

you'll never admit that you love him and even though he begs and yearns for that, he'll be content with those sneaky nights.

your happy and he's whatever. this isn't about him, it's about you and what you desire.

what you lust for. that yearning primal feeling rising and tightening in your core every time he goes down. that snapping of something carnal every time he goes a bit deeper into you.

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like I said it was pretty short, but at least I wrote it out! I'm probably going to post one more for the night and then disappear again... (trying to get back into writing!). but let's hope I don't!

he's got you wrapped around his finger... fingers really.

the sound of trickling rain and cars passing you on the street.

the cross walk being crowded with vehicle traffic slowly starts to clear up as soon as the light turns yellow.

the smell of pavement and rain slowly mixing together in a nostalgic aroma. the dark night sky lit up by billboards and street lights.

pedestrians getting ready to cross but not you. your legs are stuck in the same spot they have been since you've seen him walking towards you.

eyes half lidded, lips slightly parted as he blows out smoke from his cigarette. hair messy from running his hands through it too often.

he's under stress.

but just like that, he walks past you without a single acknowledgement. not even a wink or a tap of a shoulder.

it's not until you snap back into reality when you feel someone bump into the fact of you.

"fuck this." whispering under your breath out of annoyance.

it's not like you loved him anyways, yeah you were addicted and he was too. but that's not love, right?

it's not until your phone lights up a couple of blocks down.

'you know your mine.'

'7 at my place. see you later.'

delivered • 18:30

and with that adrenaline rushes to your heart. your legs start to move fast back to your apartment to spruce up yourself before see him.

you are his, and he's yours. forever until the end of existence.

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hey! it's been awhile but recently I've just been writing short little blurbs about whoever or whatever I'm thinking about. mainly inspired by music. so this one is based off of... *drumroll!*

553 - nasty by jodeci

anyways, see y'all later

Rainy nights at your apartment follow the same schedule every time. Quiet 2000's R&B playing in the background, a lavender candle drifting through every room, and the soft rattles that come from every drop that hits your window. Rainy nights were always peaceful, nothing to disturb the constant sound and scent that lights up every time during the rain.

But tonight will be different. You can't help but be nervous about tonight, so many things can go wrong. Your entire life was about order, this rainy night routine is just for fun, it's almost like you need to have it like this. And if something even deviates out of the plan your mind just shuts down. You can't even complain if something goes wrong, this whole talk you're about to have with jungkook is your fault.

2 years ago

"Jungkook! Slow down!" "Hey! I'm not slowing down anytime soon!" Yelling on the race track trying to communicate with your sweet, caring, and charming boyfriend of 4 years. This was all his idea to go go-kart racing. Of course he's winning, but still it's a nice idea to go out on the weekends with each other. Being in your last year of college was hectic, and having a boyfriend during the whole thing somehow made it better.

Having a person you could vent to or help relieve stress was nice. Feeling not lonely during your freshman year was definitely a game changer. Jungkook was one of the nicest people you've ever met in your life, and to have him besides you was a dream. But even with all that lovey-dovey honeymoon stuff it still doesn't erase the guilt you feel every time you guys hang out.

Two months ago you caught Jungkook smoking again. He promised he would stop and when he didn't it was a problem. It's not your business to be in his but you just felt like you were looking out for him and not badgering him. But obviously Jungkook felt a different way about the situation. That night he stormed out and went to some bar.

But in a moment of weakness and just needing someone to lean on, you turned to someone else. A one night stand is all it was. But the morning you two had made up and what's the point of bringing up something that would cause another huge argument?

Present

Every time you hang out the more and more it eats at you, you started picking up smoking. The same thing that caused this whole mess. But the only person you can blame for this is yourself.

Now you need to focus on what to do. You can't sit and dwell on the past anymore, just sitting and waiting, praying, wishing that you never have to bring this up and be in your honeymoon phase forever. To never have to leave his arms or forget his scent, even the way he talks.

"Honey! I'm home!" Jungkook yells out as he takes off his shoes and starts walking over to your door. The sound of footsteps grows closer and closer as your anxiety rises. All you can do at this point is reassure yourself that nothing can go wrong. Even though that's probably a lie.

"Hey? Did you not hear me... I'm home?" "Oh, yeah sorry I was just zoned out or whatever. But how was work?" All you can do is deflect until you have time to finish thinking this over. "Um it was fine, you know, going to practice with Jimin and J-Hope, then going to some meetings and then coming home to my precious girlfriend." He pinches your cheek at those last two words, your normal response would have been something along the lines of stop it or your my precious boyfriend but tonight all you can do is put on a fake chuckle and smile.

"Hey is everything alright? You usually have a more uppy vibe, even when it is raining." Shit. "Um, actually I wanted to talk about something real quick." The air around started to slowly dissipate, the temperature in the room had risen to what felt like an all time high.

"So baby," you grabbed his hands hoping jungkook's touch would calm your jitters down, "you know, when I caught you smoking again and we had that big argument. Right?" "Yeah I remember it, why?" Jungkook's confused tone makes you wonder if you should do this, if you jeopardize this relationship. "Um so that night you left, and when you did I called up one of my old highschool friends. You know you have someone to talk to about this-s." Jungkook pulls you closer as if he could tell that you're trying not to break down.

All that comes out of your mouth now is a series or siren sobs. Tears flow down like a newborn river, the guilt you've been holding onto flows out effortlessly. "I-i got drunk-k and I c-cheated. It w-was a one one night stand though so." Jungkook's arms drop from around your back, you can feel his body run cold. Slowly the life from his face is drained and sucked away, eyes emotionaless as if he's seen a murder happen in front of him.

"J-jungkook... b-baby? Baby are you there..?" It’s quiet on his end. No response, just a dead stare at the silk white bed sheets. Tears slowly start to run off Jungkook's face, small sobs slip out of his mouth, each one causing more heartache and pain than the last. “Please, baby. I still love you. I just need someone to lean on and y-you were g-gone…” “Ok! Just because I'm gone doesn’t mean you go hook up with someone?!” “I-I’m sorry ok! It was a mistake, please baby just take me back..” Clasping onto his arm, Jungkook starts to stand up. Is he leaving? Please god, if you're by yourself you have no idea what you’ll do to yourself, “Jungkook,” you start to chase after him, “Please, just listen to me.” “Listen?! Are you fucking insane? You just sat here and lied to me for 2 fucking years and then expect me not to be distraught or pissed off about it.”

You're sure at this point the neighbors can hear you but you don’t really care. All you can possibly care about is getting the love of your life, the center of your world back. “I never said you couldn’t be upset or pissed off, I just want you to listen to me. I had a one night stand and you're acting like I shot your mother.” “Maybe because you were the love of my life, one of the biggest parts of my world. One of the main reasons why I get up in the morning when I know the day will be shitty. The one person I could come to and talk about how annoying my co-workers are or even just sit by you and we both say nothing, just enjoying each other’s company. Maybe that’s why I’m pissed off.” Nothing is said for the next few seconds, pure silence as if the world has stopped moving.

“I mean it’s almost as if you don’t care about me. Like you just thought I might just bounce back. Y/N,” You look up facing his tear-stained face, “I can’t love you anymore. And I don’t think you love me anymore either… or you can’t love me anymore after this.” ‘I can’t love you anymore…’ Nothing in the world could comfort you. Each second that passes by brings more and more guilt and grief out of you. Your legs start to wobble, the room feels like it’s on a carousel, and it won’t stop turning. You can’t do this anymore, you feel physically sick just standing here nevertheless in front of your past lover. “Jungkook, I need you to get out.” You whisper, “Y/N… what did you say.” “I need you to get out.” Praying that you don’t sound weak or vulnerable, one thing you hated between you and jungkook’s relationship is how he would mock you.

He would put on the sickly puppy tone that was supposed to be you. Though it was funny or cute sometimes, it would get very annoying when you were trying to be serious. This solely stems from your parents and how you never really took the intuitive to stand up for yourself, to voice your own opinion. So now when every you would try to voice your opinion Jungkook would come around with that horrid tone and mock you, like a child.

“Please just get out, I can’t do this.” “What do you mean, you said you wanted to talk and then you lay this on me without me even getting a chance to say something?” “What are you even talking about, you went on that whole rant about how much you loved me and cared for me? Now you're saying I didn’t even give you a chance?” Is he really trying to turn this into an argument, “Well I don’t think that was me voicing my whole opinion but.” “No, there’s no but. What I did was wrong, and we both acknowledge that now it’s time for us to go our separate ways. So please, just leave.”

Why does he always have to be difficult and stubborn, just leave. But with Jungkook it’s never easy to just put an argument to rest. “Fine I’ll go, but once I leave I’m never calling you again, contacting you again, even interacting with you again.” “Leave your keys on the way out please.” “Peace Y/N.” And with that he was gone, the love of your life.

Your knees gave out the moment the door locked back in place as if the only thing keeping you from falling was Jungkook. But now, he’s gone and there’s nothing you can do about it. You could cry which wouldn’t really bring him back but it’s better than being a shell of nothing. "Why me? I mean, I cheated but i-i thought he would understand-d." You mumble out from your tears.

"Maybe we weren't meant to be, you know. Fate just got the wrong two people." All you could do is just sob. Mourning a loss that was still there, a loss of love.

A/N: I've been wanting to write some angst, (you could kinda say that most of my stuff is but...) anyways, I think this is ok, not the best though. But as always,

xoxo,