im eating ur gender

Im gonna be so real can yall actually talk about ways we can support trans women in the UK instead of giving all the attention to fucking JKR. I already know that Harry Poter sucks, I wanna know how to actually HELP people. Something something you have to love the oppressed more than you hate the oppressor

dont store a knife with the point facing down, it damages the blade. no, dont do that either. when you store it with the point facing up you might accidentally hurt yourself when you try to grab it. dont store a knife at all actually. your blade must never leave your hand, always ready, ruthless and waiting. you know deep down that ever since you learned the stench of blood you will never be able to cast it aside. or just get a sheath for it i guess.

my life isnt perfect but at least im not doing a mans laundry

I love you guys but I think a lot of you are the kind of people who are susceptible to falling in with a cult.

You’re right. We should all band together under a trustworthy and influential leader who can keep us safe from outside threats

what if after job interview you catch a glimpse of the person’s notepad & see they wrote “things have learnt to walk that ought to crawl”

Thinking about how my grandfather used to sit behind me while I video-chatted with my girlfriend and he didn’t understand “video calls” and told me that watching the same show all day would rot my brain. he said he could see this happening because of how happy and bouncy I got while I watching it

He complained to my father that I was becoming a lunatic because I would at times speak to the character on the screen

I think the most invested (negative) he got was when the character assembled furniture for two hours straight

The best part is that when he reported my deteriorating mental state to my father, my father wasn’t aware I had a gf and thought he was referring to me animating. I was working on my thesis at the time so the logic cohered. so my father tried to explain the concept of animation (which my father also didn’t fully understand) and why frames have to be drawn over and over. this one frame of a lady’s face staring into the camera as she builds a home bar lowkey gaslighting my grandfather who then decided animation was making me insane

in your deranged grandfather’s defense, i also absolutely hated the furniture assembly episode

the legally blonde mentality isnt just for law students. u can bring that attitude with you into every field of work. be the whimsical force of positive change. wear that neon outfit. snaps for us all.

this post was inspired by my boss telling me she couldnt "take me seriously" in a pair of dinosaur print overalls. sorry i have two degrees and a dope wardrobe. you dont need to take me seriously but You Will Take Me.

update: i have quit this job and moved to one where they will in fact take me seriously in my many magnificent overalls

one of my favorite bits in lord of the rings is something the movies didn't really try to do because it's entirely internal, but sam's carrying the ring and it starts trying to do its work on him, so he's having these intrusive visions of himself marching at the head of a vast and terrible army, and he just starts laughing because, me? samwise gamgee? sam gamgee the general sam gamgee the dark lord are you for real? man i just want to go home and do some gardening. and the ring gets frustrated and it starts trying to figure out other stuff that would actually tempt sam and it's finally like, okay, but hear me out: imagine if you could have...A REALLY REALLY BIG GARDEN

and then he's like, i don't know that sounds like a lot more work than a regular garden actually. why don't we just get on with finding mister frodo

you know a joke that never EVER gets old is when a character says smth like “I will NOT go to [place] and that is FINAL” and then it cuts to them in that place I eat that shit up every single time

A close contender for second is “I’m NOT wearing that” followed by a cut to them feeling very bonita

every time someone realizes they dont have to pick between being a boy or a girl an angel gets its wings btw. and also extremely loud cheering can be heard in the distance from me specifically

Im enjoying the longevity of tumblrs recontextualization style of humor. a seemingly innocuous post followed by like "posts that a gnome would make" or like "are you a phone"

I love this post

The horse thinks as it scratches an itch

they concluded that the rats were having fun partially bc the rats voluntarily initiated games, hopped around joyfully and teased researchers by pretending to come close and then skittering away. rats are Very Good

These scientists are getting grant money to play games with rats all day and that is just, living the dream.

hide and squeak

Official joy and whimsy post