I'm so normal about this (I'm not)

Hi, I'm Alyssa!

- Age - 19

- Lesbian, She/They

- AuDHD

- Main focus of my page will probably be MTP and BSD with some other things I like on occasion. Sometimes I have taken a dip into sociology and psychology analysis, i do general analysis of themes/ideas in the show I mentioned and sometimes i just do funny posts or highlights of trips in the future or even casual reviews im not sure yet. I also write fanfic now :) i'm on ao3 as starlostAlyssa.

- Not spoiler free for BSD/MTP manga!!!

- DNI - z!0nist, hom0phobe, r4cist etc.

- Anime/manga I like - Bungo Stray Dogs (both), Moriarty the Patriot (both), Yuri On Ice (anime), Case Study of Vanitas (anime + part of the manga), SK8 the Infinity, tgswiiwagaa (manga), the summer hikaru died (anime), (will update as I watch more)

- Other shows - Arcane, TGCF (donghua only currently), Derry Girls, etc. (some of these i like more intensely than other lmao, will update as I find any others)

- Kpop fan, Stray Kids are my favourites, also love ATEEZ, Purple Kiss, Xdinary Heroes, Twice, Loona, P1Harmony, NMIXX. Listen to a lot of other kpop artists overall.

- Other artists I enjoy - BABYMETAL!!!, Boygenius + their solo music, Ethel Cain, Fiona Apple, Chappell Roan, Poppy, Bambie Thug, Beyoncé, FKA Twigs, Bjork, etc.

- Other things I like/have - I love collecting stuff especially Kpop albums and manga, I ADORE ROLLERCOASTERS (special interest of mine), love me some lego (flowers sets especially), have a crystal collection I do not know how to use (they're just pretty), I have a collection of signed books if that's something you find cool, i'm starting to gain a decent amount of plushies for the first time since I was young (many of them are Kirby), now I'm a pokemon card collector (my fav is Diancie).

Guess which game I based it on (it's in the hashtags but I do take some creative liberties with the story. It's very much relationship (sherliam) focused to begin with but the game stuff matters more as the story goes on).

I started working on this story a month ago bt, this is no small matter to me. I'm really loving this story and exploring the yuumori characters in this scenario/setting.

Start the Chase (I'll let you win) -9.8k words - One-shot

'The First Taste' - 4.8k words - oneshot

Most Wanted Man - Lucy Dacus

(I could imagine Sherliam on a case for the Pinkertons in mid-western America in the timeskip, with this song mostly being from Sherlock's pov. i like the idea of 'trying to write the book' on william as developing a full understanding of him in the greatest detail, especially considering the only existing book on him is Watson's (Conan Doyle's) portrayal in the Final Problem. so Sherlock would write the real 'book' on him, but for themselves and no one else. that kind of deal.)

I watched most of Morimyu/Morimu for the first time about a month ago, and this version of Sherliam is probably close to my favourite representation of their dynamic (closely tied by the manga) because there's so many aspects that the musicals strengthens and deepens their relationship- especially with instrumental and lyrical motifs, so here's some of my favourites (mostly lyrical motifs):

[A lot of my lyric translations will be based off of @morimyulyrics and their translations]

- Sherlock the Violinist and William the Pianist -> So in Morimyu, most of the live music is done by two instruments - Piano and Violin. The Piano is almost a constant; it soundtracks the majority of scenes, especially when William and his allies are on stage. The violinist is only on stage and plays for Sherlock and his allies. The piano represents William - his control over the stage and narrative as the Lord of Crime. The violin represents Sherlock; largely because he's a violinist himself (as there are a few tracks where he mimics playing violin as the sound comes from the stage violinist). When they play in tandem, usually reserved just for Sherliam scenes, they merge very well and it's quite beautiful. William also controls the ends of musical pieces on occasion (see this post where I talk about this a little bit more).

- 'Catch me if you can' -> the classic line is turned into a song! The verse reads "Catch me if you can, Mr Holmes. If you can, go ahead and try, Mr Holmes." The concept of William being 'caught'/Sherlock 'catching' William comes up many many times as it did in the manga, but turning it into a song (and a reoccurring motif) feels very poignant and more emotionally driven.

- 'I hope'/'I will' -> this is the title of Op2's closing number, as well as seperate songs in Op4, and comes up a lot.

The 'I hope' side of the Op2 closer is William's desire for Sherlock to catch him - "Catch me if you can, Catch me, you can do it" - which expands upon the 'catch me if you can' theme to be more of a desire. The 'I will' of that same number is Sherlock's side, his commitment to apprehending the Lord of Crime (LOC) - "I will catch you, I will expose you, past all of the illusions" - and ultimately they (William and Sherlock will meet "at the end of this mystery."

Then in Op4 there's two pairs of tracks that express the same sentiment: the first sets up their desires and then the second shows a stronger desperation for them. Sherlock's first track 'I will' talks about him sticking with what he believes in and where his heart takes him in order to catch the Lord of Crime, no matter how "dark the fields" or "high a tower I must climb" (cheeky Tower Bridge reference maybe?). That "I will definitely catch you, with my own hands" is his dedication to unraveling the mystery and finding the Lord of Crime. William's first track 'I hope' is his desire to, when he lets his life go, have Sherlock by his side. The hope that he can get one wish, and that wish is for Sherlock to "catch my wicked soul". To him Sherlock is the "protagonist of the play I write, the light shining... and this light is too bright for me" - aka he thinks he is not worthy of it but he hopes Sherlock can catch him anyway.

William's second song 'On this path' is a much darker and depressive view, one where he essentially begs for it to be Sherlock who will kill him - "My heart silently hopes, please, at the end of all this. Sherlock, you'll be the one to do it. Extinguish the fire of my cursed soul... with your own hands, Sherlock". He thinks he is truly beyond saving ("I can't ask for salvation, nor forgiveness"), or being truly 'caught', with allusions to a 'cancer' grown on his heart and the 'scent of blood' on his fingers and his 'filthy body' showing him seeing himself as fully corrupted. There's that finest glimmer of 'hope', but it's now twisted to be about death. Meanwhile, Sherlock is dealing with the guilt of Milverton's murder but still thinking of William - "I know sinners do not deserve their wishes to be granted, yet this desire won't fade. Liam, I.. to you..". Sherlock still wishes to catch William (now that he knows he's the LOC), to "uncover everything about this most amazing mystery... stand in the same field and see the same things as you..". His more desperate wish, that he feels he doesn't deserve, is to fully understand William.

- "With your/my own hands" -> referenced in Op4's 'I will' and 'On this path' as shown above. Their mutual desire for the chase to end with them confronting each other, using their hands to catch (as Sherlock wants) or kill (and William wants towards the end).

- Rondo -> A type of composition, utilised by name in the song 'Swirling Rondo' (Op3) - where Sherlock likens his chase of the Lord of Crime to a dance where he does not know his dance partner by name, and the composition and moves of the routine are dictated for him. All he can do is follow in the steps he thinks the Lord of Crime wants him to do, simply "riding the rhythm of the rondo". With the Lord of Crime always disappearing no matter how he chases. William's side of the number also echoes my favourite recurring motif, as explained below. But they agree that they wish to find each other at the end of it all. Also the composition itself in this scene does actually feel like it's spinning, just as the characters are on stage (switching positions from stage front and stage back in a circle). Very smartly done scene.

- The wind blows -> whilst there are references in the reprises of Op1 and 2, the original utilisation of this motif comes from Op3's William solo 'In the isolated room'. Here William likens his heart to a frozen lonely room, where no warmth or movement can reach. But at some point, a breeze makes its way in - "A warm quiet wind caresses my cheek", makes his hair sway, moves his heart. Even lets him hope that "Perhaps even God will allow me this" - perhaps he can hope to have but one moment of peace. And he knows the source, as he says in the song, but he only expresses that fact that Sherlock is the breeze in the song 'Swirling Rondo'. The phrase 'The Wind Blows' reoccurs in a few different songs, including but not limited to: 'Holding my heart' (op3), 'I Hope' (op4), and 'William & Sherlock' (op5)! This is such a beautiful motif in my opinion because it really strengthens how much Sherlock means to him.

- Hearts -> a lot of Sherliam's lyrics make direct references to the concept of their hearts: as an example of how they are affected by each other. Such as 'Swirling Rondo' having lines about the "rondo of our hearts," Sherlock's second solo from Op4 taking about how "I'll reach your heart" in reference to William, or William referring to himself as a "demon with a broken heart" in 'William & Sherlock', as well as the metaphor of the frozen heart in 'In the isolated room'. Not comprehensively covered by any means, because there's many instances of this.

- Orpheus and Eurydice -> Whilst I haven't seen Op2 reprise, I am aware of a new song that was added into that production during the two detectives arc through lyric translations by 'IHopeIWill13'. Not only do they both utilise the 'the wind blows' line, and reference the warming of hearts, BUT they also reference the tale of Orpheus and Eurydice. I understand this reference more now because I listened to the Hadestown soundtrack, but essentially this greek myth revolves around a musician falling for a beautiful woman (I think she's a Nymph, although research is unclear) who tragically dies, and he makes the journey down to hell to see her again and plays a song so beautiful it inspires compassion in Hades, who lets them try to escape the realm on one condition - Orpheus cannot look back at Eurydice, or she is doomed to die. William's line "You are like Orpheus, showering a beautiful melody into my universe of scattered numbers" and Sherlock's line is "You are like a nymph, drifting deep within the forest of mysteries, toying with me." Now, Orpheus' song in his grief was told to have moved everything, living or not, in the world - that's the kind of power William associates Sherlock with, which is crazy; also note how both of them talk in a specific relation to themselves - "my universe", "toying with me" - it's symbolism related entirely to their own feelings rather than outside symbolism. It's personal. Also in a sort of foreshadowing; as Orpheus, Sherlock is not able to truly look upon William (to fully understand him) until the Final Problem (where William is supposedly doomed to die), much like Eurydice.

Unironically I think these scenes tell you quite a lot about both of their characters especially Albert given that it's one of his first chances to shine after the backstory chapters!

So first of all, it's important to know how they even got in this situation in the first place - an opium ring is spreading across England off the back of the dissolution of the East India company, where it is rumoured that opium trading routes were handed over to nobles and high-ranking navy individuals (it's also linked to the mafia, which this series mentions a few times but rarely actually handles). The military and the house of lords are refusing to move to take down the organisation (likely because some of them benefit from the ring), so a military friend brings up the attempt at creating a shadow organisation within the intelligence branch that doesn't need permission of the house to act and isn't swayed by political interests.

Albert's reaction is quite important here - that he'd heard there was simply "no money to fund it, so the project was tabled" and that "If I could get into that organisation, it'd surely be of use to William." It's clear that he's done great research, prioritising knowledge of the political and social spheres. He is aware of its potential as an asset to the plan (Albert is prioritising William specifically in this), and directly requests William to help him organise a plan that helps him into its ranks. Then they spend a whole month planning this out, sorting out all of the logistics before he even goes to meet anyone at the Intelligence division - he's confident in its success before they even strike the deal itself. They've rigged the board in their favour without anyone knowing they're even in the game.

So now for the meeting at the Intelligence branch itself with Mycroft. Now, he is not named as Mycroft, but he is revealed to be at the end of Volume 3. Mycroft's first words seem a bit clunky in exposition - "and what would an indian army official such as yourself want from an intelligence official such as myself this late in the evening?" - but it also acts as a reminder of their ranks. Titles (Mycroft also uses his 'lieutenant colonel title afterwards) and ranks are incredibly important in this era, and Mycroft knows that a man like Albert would only show up at this time if it was an urgent or important request, so he's reminding him of the nature of such an exchange; that he, as military intelligence has the upper hand, and that Albert, if he wants something, needs to convince him.

Albert decides to forgo the titles after calling Mycroft 'Chief' once - he notes Mycroft's signifiers and plays back in opposite. His demeanour is generally much more casual, deciding to deliver his request as coming here to "talk to myself out loud." Of course, Mycroft is listening, and Albert knows this, and his request begins as an explanation of the needs and logistics (benefits and funds, mostly) when founding a shadow organisation. Mycroft is painfully aware of such things, and Albert is making sure that he knows that he is equally aware of the necessities. It's as if he's not talking about his own thoughts, but as if he's reading Mycroft's mind.

The line that brings it all together is "I will take care of all this myself," which brings a close to the logistical talk and acts as where he enters as a player in the game. He's offering to ease the burden on Mycroft's end, without the need for him to do anything but employ Albert in his stead. Albert's bold request is coated in layer of interpretive subtlety, where he gives the illusion of a concerned bystander but it is still clear that at the end of the day all he wants is this deal. Instead of taking the route of gaining trust and then making a bold request, Albert proposes the deal straight off the bat - using the request (and eventual results) to gain his trust.

And arguably this impresses Mycroft. It's that "Will you now? You have my attention." that really sells the idea that this boldness intrigues him. That upon studying his demeanour, gauging his personality, he is pleasantly surprised by the methodism, and welcomes it. He makes the deal right there and then, and it's by no means a small price - if the operation succeeds, he'd be transferring Albert to the military intelligence branch and letting him run that shadow organisation. It makes sense, given he'd be partly funding it, but also feels out of left field to trust a man he'd just met with such power. But Albert has clearly fascinated and convinced him enough in only a few sentences. Yes, it is still contingent on the results, but to even make the deal is an equally bold move on Mycroft's move.

Let's talk body language. Albert is aware that Mycroft is observing his every move intently, trying to gauge what he wants and if he is trustworthy. Yet his first decision is to turn away from his desk and instead adjust some of the memorabilia on his shelves. You don't usually turn away from someone when making a deal, given the fact it usually seems untrustworthy, but it's what he does with his hands. It's hard to tell, but it could be as if he's perfecting the placement of the items on the shelf. This shows Mycroft something else - that Albert has great attention to detail and a penchant for organisation. That he's calculated and orderly, which is the kind of person you need for such a role. And then there's the bow, and the hand to his heart - an action that's often seen as a sign of sincerity. He's indicating his honesty in taking care of the situation, and he's showing respect for Mycroft similarly with the bow. It's an indicator that he's not a threat, but an ally. That's part of how Mycroft comes to trust him. But still, each move seems calculated to elicit such an association. Albert is still playing the game, Mycroft allows it.

And Mycroft gets something he can't argue with - efficient results. The complete dismantling of the opium ring in a single operation, clearly calculated to perfection. Mycroft noticed this, and even points it out ("Makes me wonder just how much of this you already had planned out"), because that's the kind of mind he needs to run his organisation. Albert's insistence that's it's "all just a coincidence" is not supposed to be a convincing bluff - it's a calculated deflection from questioning the mind behind the plan (William, mostly) and what his ulterior motives may be. And this line from Mycroft - "well played, Lieutenant Colonel." Acknowledging that he's won this round, he gets his prize. He gets to lead MI6, with Mycroft as his superior.

Because they both know they're playing each other in some way. This makes much more sense with the foresight of chapter 17 (Scandal of the British empire act 1) - where Mycroft is aware of the fact that Albert has some ulterior motives, and he is prepared to test his loyalty to the empire. And Albert is aware that he's being tested. It's quite similar here - Mycroft knows Albert needs this position for something he's unaware of, and Albert knows Mycroft can't refuse these kinds of results. I do believe him and William will have done research into Mycroft prior to their meeting, and they are aware what he prioritises going in. With what Albert says and does, they play into his interests and necessities, in some ways like William plays into Sherlock's interests. But they're not quite playing opposite; they have a common motive and work as allies, but neither is trying to take the other down, considering how they equally benefit from their partnership. They sort of take to studying and testing in a mutual fashion. Each to gauge where the other's loyalties lie, and if they are to be trusted.

Something I really love about post-timeskip yuumori manga is how it explores the grief over William's death in depth with the three characters in his group he was closest to - Louis, Albert and Moran - and how it shows different sides of grief. Yet they all fundamentally link back to the same idea: this quote from Louis during the latter chapters of the Final Problem.

"When you feel like you're at a dead end... if you can find one person, just one person to validate you, then you can go on living."

For all 3 of them, William was that person. With him gone, they want to share in his burden and do so in very different ways.

Moran shares in the burden by "taking up William's mantle" as that of passing judgement via murder. William was the one who gave him a purpose after his return from the battlefield, when he only had revenge on his mind. Becoming friends with William was becoming "his sword and shield until the day you die", but when the time actually came, he couldn't. When he died, he felt like he couldn't do the one thing he'd promised - "I failed your brother. I'll never forgive myself for how useless I was that day" - and so he wants to take on his place and role in order to keep this world peaceful. He becomes the villain for William's sake. Ironically, he'd once wanted the opposite - "the only person I've ever wanted to be a hero for is William" - because his connection with William is his driving force for what he does within the group. In his three years after going rogue, he barely cared for himself (letting his strength drop and not maintaining his prosthetic), perhaps out of the belief that he didn't deserve to, and comes back onto the scene still deeply believing and utilising in William's original methods. He doesn't believe he can atone, only that he can continue what William started. Learning of William's survival then lets him hope he has a way to atone, and hope that there's a way for that original promise to be fulfilled ("When the time comes, we'll go out into the good night together, all right?”). Because William is the one person who validates him and what he does.

Albert's way of sharing the burden is self-imposed exile because he blames himself the root of all the evil acts they took part in. His time in prison is essentially a part of him giving up on himself - "My soul has long since left this place. It's with you now" - and a deep dive into his way of thinking. Albert has a very distinctly strong moral code and way of viewing the world: in his youth he believed "the world was wrong" for its treatment of people based on class and he couldn't change it, but he could alter the things right in front of him. But when he does try to help a man, the thief goes right back to his ways and even becomes a murderer. Albert comes to believe that this was his fault ("By reaching out to him, I had changed the way things were supposed to be") and that he was the one in the wrong - "I was the one the world didn’t need. I didn’t have the know-how to change the world, nor did I have the courage to end my part in it.” Then he meets William, who has the knowledge he needs, who makes him realised it was the world that was wrong, who could "save me from my darkness." Hiring him to help murder his family, which saved him from his suffering, but in his mind doomed William ("I expelled him from paradise"). Albert had been the only one to see William's suffering in his role, but had "ignored it" because he was afraid of losing him. Now he believes his desire caused William's martyrdom and that he "caused you nothing but suffering from beginning to end". And now Albert thinks he is lost and alone again because of his hubris, resigning himself to darkness because he believes himself morally corrupt and indefensible - with William the only one who could have found him and validated him. Sharing the burden is not the same as atoning to him in that regard, but he does come to realise that to atone he needed time to study himself and claw himself back from such a way of thinking. His share of the burden is to him the 'original sin' element, the root cause of the situation and the fatal flaw which doomed his brother to die, and he posed the heaviest restriction he can on himself to take on that burden.

Louis' reaction is distinctly different because he is characterised by having more hope. His arc begins in the Final Problem, realising his brother never meant for him to die and has been validating his chance at life even when Louis himself believed it was worth nothing. So, in turn, he promises to cherish that life. The burden he takes on is the path to atonement, the role of Em. He's got a purpose to work to as Em, to "watch over this new world he made and make sure it says as beautiful as he left it". He believes William will come home, and he wants to maintain the peace for him until he does and long after. His moral compass also has morphed with it: MI6 try their hardest to prevent any death, and refuse to utilise murder to solve the left-over evils of society. He believes "criminals must be judged by the law" when it comes to their work, implying a new trust in the system that they helped create. It's very interesting that he polices it so forcefully because as much as he considers what his brother did 'right' in the long run, he doesn't want to follow in his stead - he doesn't want to add more lives to their shared burden. This system is not perfect, clearly - Moran points out that there are still corrupt people who deserve punishment that the law may not be able to deliver - but they do what they can without murderous means. Because that's what this is all about: doing what they can to make the world better in William's honour.

Louis thrives because he holds out hope for the better and shoulders the burden in a balanced fashion rather than letting it consume him. Albert and Moran are consumed by grief and the need they feel to punish themselves for their perceived transgressions in causing William's sure death. It takes them longer to process because they deeply blame themselves for it, whereas Louis does not and equally is given the opportunity to become his own person outside of his grief.