Ren @stargazertheofficial - Tumblr Blog

My final goodbye

This is the last time I think I'll ever post on this blog

It's a bittersweet ending if I'm being honest

This blog is where my passion for roleplaying formed. This is where I learned to love DC.

I met some amazing people here as well.

I learned so much about how to make characters, how to interact with people, and how to be a better human being. I learned what true friends are, and I found people that made me extremely happy.

This blog is also where I got told to kill myself multiple times. This blog is where I met people who made me attempt to kill myself.

This blog left me crying most nights, this blog is where I realized people who I've never met before could hate me and ruin my life. This blog is where I learned that if I was truly myself, I would feel unsafe. This blog is part of the reason why I tried to kill myself recently.

I'm sad, I loved this character and I had so much planned for her, but I trusted people I shouldn't have trusted with her. I let others ruin her. I let myself ruin her based on false promises.

Will I be killing myself? I don't know. Some people will hope I will, some will wish I stayed.

To those who hurt me through my almost two years roleplaying on this blog, thank you. Thank you for making me see who toxic people are, who not to trust with my characters. I'm just sorry that you're still hurting other people.

If you blocked me, good. If you blocked me, I don't want you to see this message. Because this isn't me giving up, this isn't you winning. This is me stepping back, maybe from this, maybe from life. But you never won. If I do die, don't feel sorry for yourself. I want you to hurt like you hurt me, but even I don't wish that guilt on people. You hurt me, you ruined my life even, but I'm still the bigger person. So Screw You. Live your life like I never existed. Don't linger on my death or the death of my characters. Move on. That's all I ask.

Goodbye Ren. Goodbye all of my other characters. I dream that you all will move on from this blog, from Tumblr, go out into the world and make others happy. You were my children, you were my creations, but it's time we both said goodbye to each other.

So, in case I don't see you again, good morning, good afternoon, and goodnight.

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//tw suicide

I won't be on Tumblr much but I thought you guys deserve to know I'm not dead.

so it's been three days I think? since I made that last post and something else that I believe we all know. I just wanted to update you guess that I'm alive. I'm not doing well mentally at all, but at least I'm alive.

I've spoken to my therapist , I've gotten on medication and I've been diagnosed with a few things, and I have a neurological test coming up so I've been putting in effort to improve myself and my situation. I've always been trying to improve my mental health as much as I can

if you want to contact me I would message me on Tumblr and ask about my discord or something because I do check that often and I would love to stay in contact with all of you.

um yeah I don't want to go into details here but if you want to know anything I'm ok with answering some of the questions I know you guys must have after disappearing for a few days

anyway, I love you all and I think I'll be here for a while.

#ooc #tw suicide

//hey guys, I love you all so much and I'm such a lucky person to have gotten the opportunity to meet all of you.

I just am too scared to individually message everyone so here's a public message instead.

@first-boy-wonder you were one of the first people I ever got to meet on Tumblr and you've been such a fun person to interact with since then thank you for always encouraging me!

@demonsnever-cry you've been such a good person to talk to and you've always made my day and thank you for always dealing with Ren's horrible actions

@askd0ctorjcrane I know we haven't talked in a bit but when we did, thank you for being so nice to me and thank you for always being there for me in my struggles. you were an amazing friend and I'm sorry that everything got ruined the way it did. I love and care for you and I will always forgive you

@jeremiah-e-arkham same thing with Crane, I know it's been a while and you have every right to be mad at me and hate me, but I still care about you and I'm glad that we got to be friends and thank you for giving me a community during some of the hardest times in my life. I love and care for you so much and I forgive you for everything that happened

@cinnamon-does-wacky-shit I know we didn't talk much or interact much but I love you and your characters and tell Jekyll I love them as well please

@mossy-bugs I know I've been distant recently and it's because I've been angry but it was never at you. you've always been a good friend and I'm so lucky to have gotten to have you in my life

@temp-war-profiteer I love Kilroy even if Ren had been a jerk to him and thank you for always being so nice to me, I love you.

@the-odd-eyes-ofhermes you've always been so nice and kind to me and I couldn't have ever asked anything of you. I loved how you made sure to let me know that you didn't hate me when Ren and Hermes got into an argument and I love you so much

and to anyone else I knew or interact with, thank you for being there for me. I know I'll get to see you all in heaven or the next life or whatever comes next, I just hope you all live wonderful lives and I won't see you there for a long time. I love you all soooo much. thank you. :)