temporary

I am still here

I wanted to tell you that 

it’s been a long time but

I am still alive.

I wanted to tell you that

It was rough, 

I loved and I lost many times

But now I know what love should mean

Now I know how to be what I need

I wanted to tell you that

Recovery comes and goes in splinters,

It recedes after tidal waves,

that it hardens, overheats and shatters

I wanted to tell you that

I am writing from California

I always wanted to move. I finally made it 

and I used my experiences to comfort others

I wanted to tell you

One day you will wake up and feel better

I wanted to tell you

You aren’t wrong for leaving

I left behind everything

I wanted to tell you

I learned more than I ever knew I could

I still read poetry but I don’t smoke

And I stopped drinking so much

I wanted to tell you

I never gave up,

I’m doing better

I wanted to tell you

I don’t know why I ever had to endure feeling so hollow

Somehow now I know the signs of trouble

I leave sooner and forgive easier

I don’t know how it’s possible

But I wanted to tell you 

I’m barely recognizable

My priorities are stronger. I am stronger

I wanted to tell you

It’s not been easy, it’s been harder

But I’m doing much better

I feel hope for my future

I think life is best when we all stick together

not just when it’s easy, but when it’s terrible too

I will never forget you

And I’m okay. I mean it this time

i deserve to say what i need to say

and if my words aren’t to be heard by you

then that won’t dismiss their meaning.

i deserve to be acknowledged

and even if you ignore me

then i still hold all my power,

then i’m still a human being.

that in a dream, we met, in two dreams that each of us had.

the transmissions lay flat, dejected and muffled.

i am drowning out the messages.

you didn’t think of me at all.