Headspace

You were on my mind today. I hope you’re well. What a life we live.

I’ve been reflecting a lot on the type of person I am. To be so passionate about love, even if it’s a reminder of another life. I think it’s my favorite part about being human.

I love, love. And I have you to thank for that everyday. I will always love you, for the role you’ve played in my discovery. It hurts me sometimes to know you’re so close yet so far away.

There’s this awful point in life when you’re not totally settled. Where you feel kind of trapped, and start losing faith in everything. When the walls start closing in, when you can’t know what you’re doing next year, no one is coming to save you.

You get old, you get tired. It’s not your fault, it’s a part of getting older. Sometimes you have to take the world with your entire hand and turn it, to see it with younger eyes.

A part of getting older is coming to the realization that things just happen, there is a way out, there is a future even when you feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders.

It’s about seeing that light, having that moment where you just get it. I feel like I’m there sometimes, sometimes I feel like I’m stuck in this room. And lately it’s been that way, I feel like no matter what I do I’m stuck with these burdens.

I know my time will come, I am a great believer in change. But I’m just so tired, I just want to lay down and rest. I’m at a very interesting point in my life right now. Uncertainty use to terrify me, but I’m okay with wherever life leads me now. I will be my own pathfinder, I’ll learn to eat the stars, I’ll show my heart to the world and continue to live for love. Always.

Is where I find you

After all this time

With your hands so far away

I see you

You see me

Around and around we go with love

Holding true to the embrace

With so many eyes watching us

But it’s yours I get lost in

And in so many words

You have shown me

Love and all it’s worth

And with your hand in mine

You plant this seed

From time to time I come back to the garden

Golden plants all around me

I remember the feeling of love

And what it means to love others

To let love warm you

To let it nurture into the most beautiful thing

O water bearer

You have shown me so much

And everytime I fail, everytime I falter

I find myself back in the garden

Surrounded by the golden plants

For the love you have given me

Is now the love I give to myself

I will always be eternally grateful

For love is always the answer

Down here

Its a different world inside here

The air feels easier to breathe

Our body’s feel lighter

And when we touch it feels so real to me

Sometimes I wish I could find a way back to you

Your eyes still mesmerize me

Your voice still puts me into a trance

For the flowers you have planted will always have a place inside my heart

And with the days turning into months turning into years

They’re still there, growing

For the love you planted inside me

Has grown into the love I have for myself

All it took was for one person

To see me

To hear me

To watch me grow

My winter sun

My summer moon

Promise me you won’t get lost far away

Because that’s just the way things are

And that fucking sucks. It eats at me a lot.

What a mess it is to love someone so much, to the point where you feel it in every fiber of your being.

But you can’t be in their life

Because things aren’t the same anymore

You’re not the same anymore, they’re not the same anymore

And no matter how much you try to fight the urge. You know you can’t lie to yourself.

Why ever lie about your emotions or how you feel

That’s not who you are, but this is the way. This is the way things have to be.

It hurts me so much to think about them. To know I can’t have what I wish to have. A moment in time, a memory, a hand to hold and a voice of reason.

If there really is another life, I wish to live through it, just know I’ll be searching for you always.

The people in my life get bits and pieces of who I am. When in reality, I’m masking so much.

I want to be passionate without feeling like a burden

I want to be honest without looking like a fool

I want to give love, and be seen too.

Everyone has a piece of me, everyone gets to see a glimpse, but it feels like no one wants me as a whole.

I want to grow into the person that I know that I can be, but it feels like I can’t be myself fully.

It feels like everybody likes me

I have found the secret

Of loving you

Always for the first time

All day I think of her

Her attention to detail

Her perfect love

Locked behind pages and pages and pages

Love will hurt you

Love will never mean to

Love is always the answer

And the sun will come crashing into my heart

But I will continue to believe

To believe that love trumps all

The cosmos will never understand

The world will never understand

I will never understand

Because who hasn’t done that?

Loved so intently