weird girl in the eyes of the world,when she's just a fangirl..

Pairings: Steve Harrington x Mayfield/Hopper!OC

Summary: After their breakup, Steve tries to reach her. She keeps pushing him away. She says she’s fine. He knows she’s lying.

"You've become a ghost..."

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He steps in front of me to stop me and Max too without meaning to, since we're still holding hands.

"Hey..." he says, slightly out of breath from running.

"Well, I'm going to the gym," Max tells me, letting go of my hand. 

She walks past Steve without saying anything, leaving me alone with him.

"What do you want, Steve?" I ask coldly, arms crossed, my headphones resting on my shoulders.

I see the light in his eyes fade for a second, but he pulls himself together immediately.

"I got a ticket for tonight's game..." he starts, pulling the ticket from his jeans pocket and holding it out to me. "I'd like you to come with me."

"I don't need your ticket, Steve," I say, pushing his hand away. "I already have to go for the newspaper with Nancy, and to support Lucas."

"Even better!" he says, trying to sound enthusiastic. "You already have a ticket. So come with me, please? It won't cost you anything."

My heart gets stabbed, but I don't let it bleed in front of him.

"No. Stop, okay? We're not together anymore, and it's been four months. Why do you keep trying?" I ask, hoping he'll give up so I can stop breaking his heart every time we talk.

"I know we're not anymore, trust me. Eddie drives you and Max every day now, not me." He almost laughs, jealousy obvious, but his face softens. "But I'm not going to let you sink, because you're not okay, Mauve."

His eyes are full of worry, while mine can't hold his gaze for more than a few seconds.

"I'm fine. You're making this into a big deal because of your ego, because I broke up with you, that's all," I say dryly.

"What? No, of course not, Lila! I'm not the only one, everyone sees it. Me, Robin, Nancy, Lucas, Dustin, Mike! Hell, even El can feel it through your calls. She sent me a letter two days ago asking about you because she's worried! The only ones who don't see it are you and Max, because you're both hurting just as much."

My heart cracks a little when I hear El writes to him about me, but I push it away again.

"Leave me alone, Steve! I'm fine, we're fine! You're just not around anymore."

"Exactly! Maybe if you talked to people, we wouldn't be here," he blurts out without thinking, already regretting it.

"Excuse me? What's that supposed to mean?" I snap.

"I... forget it," he mutters.

"No, tell me. You started, go on." I gesture at him sarcastically.

"You shut everyone out like we don't matter anymore... like you don't matter anymore. You became someone I don't even recognize," he says more softly.

"Sorry to disappoint you by changing, but that's how it is." I shrug, pretending not to care.

"You don't disappoint me, you scare me," he says, his voice shaking. "It feels like the girl I fell in love with is disappearing right in front of me, and she doesn't even notice. You've become a ghost."

"A ghost? Really?" My body steps back like I just got punched.

"Mauve... you're not here anymore. I feel like I'm losing you, not because we broke up, but because you're becoming someone who isn't you."

"People change. I changed. That simple. So you should get used to it."

I don't look at him again.

I keep walking toward the gym with one side of my headphones on, grabbing my pill box from my bag and swallowing two or three dry to calm my migraine.

Later. Another argument with Dustin. Another panic attack. And Steve still wasn't there.

My breathing gets fast. Too fast.  I can't breathe and my hands start shaking. Nausea rises in my throat. I walk toward a tree and try to breathe the way Steve taught me to calm my panic attacks.

Fuck. Steve. Always him.

My heart races even more, and I can't calm it like I could when I was with him. Four months fighting alone. Four months failing. Another memory flashes, Steve holding my hands, helping me breathe, forcing me to look into his eyes.

It's too much.

I bend over and throw up bile, having eaten nothing all day. The sour taste makes me grimace, and my last pills come back up too. 

Great.

Now I just need to find a mint.

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Swgatspp - All-american bitch

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Pairings: Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader

Summary: Hopper wrote a letter to Lila during the winter of '85. About growing up. About Steve. About the freedom to spread her wings. But sadly, she's only reading it now… without him.

I nod, pulling away from their arms and following her to one of the bedrooms where she had slept for the rest of the summer.

She sits down on the floor, motioning for me to do the same, handing me a letter while another one is in her hand.

- Dad wrote us each a letter... she explains, making my eyes widen in surprise. Joyce told me yours is from last winter when Steve started coming to the house at the beginning, and mine is from this summer when Mike was coming over. But I wanted us to read them next to each other...

- Of course, that's not a problem, my angel. I understand... I tell her, wrapping my arm around her. We each open our letters, taking a breath before reading them.

There's something I wanted to talk to both of you about. I know this is a difficult conversation, and it hurts me to admit it, but I care about Steve just as much as I care about you. And I know you care a lot about each other, but I think we need to set some boundaries for my sake as well as yours. I know feelings are important, especially at your age, and I...

You know what, I'm going to stop dictating Joyce's words and just be honest with you.

The truth is, I had forgotten for so long what it felt like to have demonstrative feelings. I'd been stuck in the same place. In a cave, you could say. A deep, dark cave. And I blame myself, my angel, if you only knew... I left you to fend for yourself in that trailer, taking care of me and picking up my beer cans because I had lost Sarah, but I forgot without meaning to that I had another daughter at home who needed me.

Then Will disappeared, Eleven arrived, and I started feeling things again. I started to feel happy. But lately, I suppose I feel distant from you again. As if you were drifting away from me or something like that.

Because now that this kid who smells like hair spray came into your life and into ours you don't have time for your old man anymore. How could I blame you? Your father was the same at your age. But my angel, I miss living those moments with you, playing board games every night, making mountains of waffles with El, not watching westerns anymore when I pick and watching horror movies when you do.

In a way, I was selfish trying to stop you from seeing Steve just to get those moments back with my daughter. You're not a kid anymore, damn it, you're seventeen and I have to let you fly away, even though I don't have anything to fly beside you with... I guess if I'm really honest, that's what scares me.

I don't want things to change. So I think maybe that's why I came here, to try to stop that change. To go back. To make things go back to the way they were. But I know that's naive. That's not how life works. It's moving, always moving, whether you like it or not. And yes, sometimes it's painful. Sometimes it's sad. And sometimes it's surprising. Happy.

So you know what? Keep growing, kiddo. Don't let me stop you. Keep flying high in the sky with Steve, keep learning even if it's not me teaching you, keep shining, because I'll be the first one admiring it. And keep making mistakes, because I'll be the first one to catch you, because when life hurts you... and yes, it will, no matter what you do, goodbyes, arguments, bumps in the road, tears, remember that this pain, this wound, is a good thing... It means you're out of that cave.

So keep pushing me away to learn. Keep protecting everyone. But don't forget to protect yourself.

The night of your accident with the Demogorgon, Steve was covered in your blood and the first thing I wanted to do was blame him, except damn it that kid loves you the same way I do. He could die for you, and I know that might scare you, because when you suffer you prefer pushing people away so you won't hurt anyone, probably a bad habit from your very dear father... But kiddo, promise me that even if you push him away one day, because I know you will, you're too stubborn not to. Promise me you'll do everything you can to get him back, because that kid would do anything just to see you smile.

Steve, if my daughter unfortunately makes that bad decision, don't blame her. Even if she probably won't tell you, she's just terrified of dragging people into her own black hole. So show her, kid. Show her she's not a black hole. Show her she's the light. Show her she deserves happiness, that she deserves an ending worthy of a fairy tale. Show her she matters without being a burden, and most of all show her that you love her, because she'll start doubting it the second she gets too deep in her own head. I know you're the right person for her, she just needs to accept that it's good for her as much as it is for you.

But if you'll allow me to make one tiny request anyway;

Please, if it's not too much trouble, for the sake of your old man, use the front door and not the window.

I love you, and I'm proud of you.

And Steve, use less hair spray.

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Swgatspp - All-american bitch

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