#maxmayfield

Pairings: Steve Harrington x Mayfield/Hopper!OC

Summary: Ex-lovers, found family, Vecna's curse, love each other, grief, Djo and Olivia Rodrigo coded...

I do everything for you, because you have a golden line spreading out, ready to cling to me.

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Long minutes pass, very long minutes where I see Steve's eyes moving back and forth between the rearview mirror for Max, and the side for me.

"Turn there," I ask without looking away from the sign in front of us that says "Roane Hill Cemetery."

"Are you sure?" Steve asks, confused.

"Turn there, Steve," Maxine answers for me.

"Alright," he exhales, not annoyed, only more worried.

Max and I get out of the car with determined steps, looking at each other.

"We do what we said, then meet back up?" I confirm, making her nod.

"Okay."

We each split off in a different direction, Maxine toward Billy's grave and me toward my father's. But the sound of two car doors slamming reaches our ears, and it only takes a few seconds before I see my sister being followed by Lucas, and less than a second before Steve's body is in front of mine.

"Steve... I can't do this right now. Go back to the car," I breathe, tired, trying to step around him, but he doesn't move.

"No," he says, shaking his head. "Lila... I'm seriously starting to worry about you. What aren't you telling me? What happened back at your place? Was it Vecna? Or did your mom say something again?"

"No, no, I... It's nothing, okay? I'm fine." I fake a smile. "Don't worry about me."

"Please, Lila, do you hear yourself? Why do I feel like you think you're talking to a stranger? It's me. It's Steve. I know you by heart, damn it, down to every little detail. I know every tic, every frown, every look, every fake smile, every shift in your voice depending on your emotions. Talk to me, I don't want your letter! Talk to me!" His voice cracks, like every word is tearing something out of him. "Don't let me start this when it could be one of our last moments, if I fail to save you. Because, fuck, if you knew how terrified I am that our last moments might be this, because what we're living right now fucking sucks! So, yes, I know, okay? I know we're not a couple anymore, we're not even friends, but fuck, you won't stop me from caring about you by pulling away, you won't stop me from loving you! Do you hear me? Because God, I love you to death, Mauve!"

"I gave you that letter because it's too hard to tell you everything out loud. I'm too scared I'll explode before I can and never be able to put myself back together. Steve, I feel so alone, if you only knew! I pushed everyone away and now I feel so abandoned! I miss my father, I miss my sister, Jane, I miss you! I can't do it, I can't do this anymore, Steve!"

My eyes, full of tears and chaos, meet his, and he no longer stops himself from crying.

"Mauve..."

"No, Steve! I'm terrified, literally, I feel so out of my body. Everything I do makes me want to vomit because I don't recognize myself. You were right, I'm a fucking ghost!" My voice gives out, leaving only broken sobs. "I see it and I can't do anything else! All my efforts are invisible, only my failures are visible to the world! I feel like I'm disappearing, I don't want anything anymore, I don't want to make any effort anymore, I'm so tired, Steve, God, I'm exhausted! I need a break, I really need one. But I can only blame myself. I'm the one who makes the bed every day, I'm the one who became this, I'm the one doing nothing, I'm the one pushing you away, pushing Robin and everyone away!" My trembling arm points toward the car where Dustin is waiting. "I'm the one who's alone because I'm the one who left, whether it was caused by events or not, I'm the one who decided to give up because it became too hard! I know why that asshole chose me, why wouldn't he? Seriously, I would've laughed in his face if he hadn't! I love you, Steve, I love you so much, fuck, if you only knew."

"I love you too..." he says, tears running down his cheeks, his hand ready to reach for my cheek, but I step back.

"Except I suffer from it. It hurts so much to love you! I love you, but you've become the only reason I breathe, with Max, the one I kill myself trying to protect. I only have you, I only have her, I only have you both! But I can't hold on forever. My life can't only survive because of you, except it does and I don't know how to do it any other way!" His eyes are filled with pain, and I notice his body tense. "I'd like to say other things push me to get up in the morning, but that would be a lie. I don't not care about my future, but I don't see a path that makes me really care about it! I feel so empty, I feel lost, I feel absent, and I know I disappoint you, I disappoint everyone anyway, but once again, I made the bed so I can't say anything except ignore people, cry silently in my bed, and pray to I don't even know what to come help me out of this hell that is my life, because for fuck's sake, I can't see the end of it! Ever since the Upside Down came into our lives, my life has been nothing but a yo-yo. It goes up and everything is perfect. I spend my winter with you, I work at an ice cream shop and kiss the love of my life to "(I Just) Died in Your Arms," I feel something break in me like in him, when memories pass between us. But the next second it drops, and the next winter, I'm breaking up with you, going to my father's funeral, struggling with insomnia and wishing I could fall asleep for a long time and only wake up when things are better again in my life. People see me failing, they see me standing still while I see myself spinning in circles like a dizzy top. I see myself wasting away and wilting because I'm no longer being watered, but the next day, I get up, I breathe and... that's it."

"Mauve..." His voice is soft and broken. "Life can knock you down. The world can be cruel to you, God, it really is, and trust me, I've hated it for a long time." He lets out a dry laugh. "But I still believe in love. I find that faith in you. I know it's hard for you, you think about leaving first because you think it's the right solution, the best one, for me, for you, but especially for me. You think you're the problem, but you're the solution to mine."

"Steve... You don't have to..."

"No, let me finish, my love. Yes, it's true, I do everything for you, because you have a golden line spreading out, ready to cling to me. I tried to be enough, for you, because fuck, I've always thought I never was, and I still think that. You see yourself as something to hide, to fix. I see you as something to put under the light, to show off and say that standing in front of them is the most beautiful thing in my entire existence. If you saw me since you left, I'm a wreck. If Robin heard this, she'd confirm it. She keeps telling me my dark circles, my complexion, and my hair are doing particularly badly."

"It's true your hair isn't at its best, but you're still beautiful," I laugh, wiping away one of my tears, then step closer to slide a hand through his hair before stepping back again, putting a meter of distance between us...

He looks at me tenderly, sliding his hand onto my cheek, erasing the distance I had created.

"My love, time can give and life can take, but every day is better with you. Stop believing otherwise. The way you know me, the way you love me, the way you help me survive too. So yes, it's true, I do everything for you, and fuck, I'll never regret it if 'everything' means having eternity by your side."

I don't know what to say anymore. My tear-streaked face settles against his hands as they wipe my tears, knowing how much he hates seeing them on my cheeks. My body screams at me to melt under his touch and never leave, but my father's grave reflects under the sun several meters away from us, and the weight of Vecna darkens my mind.

"I love you, I'll never stop doing that, but..."

"Please, no 'but'," he breathes, his voice broken.

"I can't do this to you... I can't get back together with you like I'm not risking dying before tomorrow. I refuse to put you through that. I love you, more than my life, more than anything, but I refuse to die in your arms an hour after getting back together with you. Because getting back together would make me think about the future, a future with you, that I can't have right now. It wouldn't be fair to you or to me."

"Mauve, please..."

When my eyes find his, it feels like the day of our breakup all over again, and my heart stops beating because the pain is so strong and brutal...

I shake my head, pull away from his touch, and walk toward my father's grave, not turning around, because if I do, I'll never leave again.

I do everything for you, because you have a golden line spreading out, ready to cling to me. 

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Swgatspp - All-american bitch

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Oksana Cherry

3D Character Artist

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You will always have a special place in my heart—pushing me toward my dreams, lighting my path, and bringing a breath of fresh air.

I have thousands of things to say, but I know nothing will ever be the same. Things change. We change. Still, you remain a reminder of how and where I began.