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@squishyfruitloop

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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For the first time in over a year--maybe more--I made it all the way through an AEW pape live.
Soft acts that will make her melt:
โข Calling her beautiful
โข Pulling her close
โข Holding her waist
โข Kissing her slowly
โข Caressing her face
โข Grabbing her chin
โข Holding her thighs
โข Praising her
โข Kissing her neck
โข Biting her lips
โข Telling her sheโs a good girl
THIS!!!
One fucking day I'll learn. I'm such a piece of shit.
End me now. Please.
We were here.
Now weโre here.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Sebastian and Annabelle are expecting their first child together โค๏ธโ๐ฉนโค๏ธ
Cuties!
So happy for them! And she looks beautiful.
I'm so tired. My chest aches so much. And then I just feel... numb. Useless. Like I can't feel anything but the ache behind my ribs. I'm so tired.
I see my doctor tomorrow. I don't know what I'm going to say. I mean, what do I do? "Yeah, I'm so depressed I don't want to get out of bed and just being in the same room with someone makes me feel like I want to crawl out of my skin." I've done all the things i learned in therapy, but it isn't getting better. So what's wrong with me?
I'm supposed to go to New York this weekend to see two shows with one of my best friends. When I bought the tickets and everything, I was so excited about it. Now I look at it and just can't make myself feel anything. Maybe that will change when I get there. Maybe.
I need anxiety medicine all the time now. All the time. I can't breathe without it. Panic sets in and I just break down. My hands shake. I end up leaning over the toilet or a trashcan heaving. I carry alcohol pads with me now to stave off nausea. I'm burning through prescriptions for nausea tablets.
I slept with a 10 pound weighted blanket on me last night. Folded on half so it was just on me. It was the first time I'd been able to sleep in days. For a few hours, but still.
I'm bruising easy again. I have them everywhere. Everything hurts. It just... hurts. I see my immunologist on Tuesday. More blood tests. Either my lupus is controlled or my liver isn't destroying itself. One or the other. I hate being sick. I hate lupus. I hate RA. I hate chronic fatigue. I hate borderline personality disorder. I hate depression. I hate bipolar disorder. I hate anxiety. I hate binge eating. I HATE EATING.
I haven't looked at myself in the mirror in almost a week. I can't. I'm disgusted with myself.
So I don't know what to do. Or what to say.
Iโm still thinking about Robby and how The Pitt is trying to show people the severe impact that trauma and mental illness can have on people and how people still donโt get it two seasons in. (Or maybe they just donโt want to get it.)
People without mental illness and who havenโt experienced trauma have no idea how hard it is to talk about, let alone heal, from it. And when I say itโs hard to talk about, I mean that in multiple senses of the word:
Traumatic experiences and/or mental illness are hard to describe/explain.
You may lack of the vocabulary/jargon for describing abstract thoughts and feelings.
There are conflicting descriptions that are all still true.
Youโve ever talked about it before. You donโt want to rehash it all again.
You donโt know where to begin.
Youโre daunted by the scope of everything youโll need to comb through, and youโre not sure if itโs worth unpacking.
You havenโt found a doctor who believes/understands/supports you properly.
Youโre not on the right med(s), so discussing your trauma or mental illness can range from difficult to impossible.
You have no support system to fall back on.
You feel drained after every conversation.
You lack the money or insurance required to get the care you need.
Itโs retraumatizing to talk about it.
You experience PTSD symptoms.
Your mouth/body will physically not allow you to speak of it. (Think selective mutism.)
There is a great physical and emotional toll that recovery takes on your mind/body.
Your brain will โeraseโ or โlock upโ memories so that you literally cannot recall entire chunks of your life.
You live in a communityโhome, neighborhood, city, country, whateverโthat places a stigma on mental health care.
You mightโve had bad experiences while receiving mental health care in the past.
You believe youโve been misdiagnosed and arenโt getting the proper care you need.
Youโre not sure if what youโve experienced โcountsโ as trauma or mental illness, so you never bring it up.
You fear judgement, loneliness, isolation, guilt, shame, fear, etc. will result from you being care.
You feel as though it is โtoo lateโ for you to recover.
You experience bigotry of any kind, and are seeking care from people who understand your lived experience.
The list goes on, but I think you see my point.
Feeling like you're too much is honestly one of the worst feelings to possibly exist. It just feels like you need to stop being yourself and existing all together. It's like you crawl out of your own skin and laugh in disgust at what remains, it's pathetic. And so saddening.
Continueโจ Keep goingโจ
Thank you, lady ๐ค
The Nigerian accent. God. She reminds me of home...
Always grateful when this makes the rounds

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Thereโs a song thatโs been proven to reduce anxiety by 65%. Itโs called Weightless by Macaroni Union, and it was specifically designed to slow your heart rate, reduce blood pressure, and lower cortisol levels. Itโs so effective that itโs dangerous to drive while listening to it because it can make you drowsy. Source Source 2 Source 3
YO O_O
I knew within seconds that Iโd heard this before.
It was one of the first Tumblr posts I favorited.
Sound therapists and Manchester band Marconi Union compiled the song. Scientists played it to 40 women and found it to be more effective at helping them relax than songs by Enya, Mozart and Coldplay. Weightless works by using specific rhythms, tones, frequencies and intervals to relax the listener. A continuous rhythm of 60 BPM causes the brainwaves and heart rate to synchronise with the rhythm: a process known as โentrainmentโ. Low underlying bass tones relax the listener and a low whooshing sound with a trance-like quality takes the listener into an even deeper state of calm. Dr David Lewis, one of the UKโs leading stress specialists said: โโWeightlessโ induced the greatest relaxation โ higher than any of the other music tested. Brain imaging studies have shown that music works at a very deep level within the brain, stimulating not only those regions responsible for processing sound but also ones associated with emotions.โ The study - commissioned by bubble bath and shower gel firm Radox Spa - found the song was even more relaxing than a massage, walk or cup of tea. So relaxing is the tune, apparently, that people are being Rex advised against listening to it while driving. The top 10 most relaxing tunes were: 1. Marconi Union - Weightless 2. Airstream - Electra 3. DJ Shah - Mellomaniac (Chill Out Mix) 4. Enya - Watermark 5. Coldplay - Strawberry Swing 6. Barcelona - Please Donโt Go 7. All Saints - Pure Shores 8. AdelevSomeone Like You 9. Mozart - Canzonetta Sullโaria 10. Cafe Del Mar - We Can Fly
One of the comments suggests pairing it with Rainymood.
The combined calm might be weaponized with adding this songย and some crackling fire.
When I was literally unable to sleep at all, my senior at work gave me this song to listen to!
My wife uses this song when sheโs having near-meltdown levels of anxiety right before bed and it helps her relax and shed some of that stress enough for her to attempt to lie down and sleep.
For those having a rough moment
when I was so sick I wanted to die, this helped me relax enough to, uh, not die
jokes asideโฆ fond memories
I trained myself to relax to this music. It resets my heartrate. A gift.
yeah I thought no way this lives up to the hype, but ok Iโll try it out.
I put on some good headphones and listened to the whole thing in one sitting. I was like โyeah thatโs pretty damn chill, alright, but idk if Iโd say itโs โthe most relaxing song in existenceโ.โ
โฆand then I tried to stand up and promptly fell over, because I had in fact relaxed so hard that my muscles forgot how to do things properly for a minute.
thereโs a long version, too, which I used to sleep to
Every day that goes by, I worry a little more and a little less. More that there's something really wrong with me. And less that even if there is, it can just take me. I look in the mirror and think... I could care less about what happens to me today.
The drive to work is a blur. My chest gets tight the moment I pull into the parking lot. I read words I don't really see and count the hours by kids' faces in and out of the doors. I try to smile. To listen. To make sense of the questions they ask about grades and assignments. But it never makes sense. It's just static that I find myself agreeing to more often than not.
Caffeine to keep me awake. Sugar to keep me from passing out. Bathroom visit at lunch if I remember. Dark yellow in a way that should be concerning, but it isn't. Bloody nose because why not.
A new refrain running through my head. Don't eat. Don't eat. Don't eat. There's apple sauce in the fridge so I have something. Don't eat. Don't eat. Don't eat. Kit kats the kids bought me in January for a project that I'm just able to eat again. Don't eat. Don't eat. Don't eat.
Somehow making it home, not feeling any lighter when I walk in the door. Just the weight of my own selfishness and inadequacy staring at me. Silence that is thick and painful because I don't have words to explain what's going on in my head. And even if I did... would it matter?
Hiding in the bathroom for half an hour before I even bother to shower. Stepping on the scale every night. Don't eat. Don't eat. Don't eat. Then standing under scalding spray for as long as I can stand it. Until my skin is blistered lobster red and I feel nauseous from the heat.
Finally crawling into bed, sick to my stomach because I'm hungry. Because I'm tired. Too much medicine because I just want my head to go quiet and nothing else helps. Counting milligrams in my head, tallying up the total over 24 hours, 48.
I could care less.
You know what sucks?
Having songs and TV shows and stuff that used to make me so happy now just make me feel empty. Or just make me cry.
I just want to feel happy again. I've unfollowed half a dozen blogs that have to do with those shows--even the SHOW blogs. Same on Insta. I feel sick whenever I hear the voices of the stars or the presenters. Same when I see people who were on the shows.
Just... I'm tired of feeling sad.
Guess who said they were going to eat today?
Then had a cinnamon oull apart and frappe from Starbucks.
Guess who said they weren't going to eat anything else today?
Then inhaled half of a chicken parmigian in one go.
This bitch. Fat fucking cow that I am.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch โข No registration required โข HD streaming