rijnbende

baseball players in the 20s were all named shit like Dipsy Doodle and Crunch Johnson

#they named them like cats in a shelter

stepped on a plum (overripe plum) (barefoot) it was on the driveway got out of the car and accidentally (didn't know it was there) stepped on the plum (warm) (on the ground) (it had fallen from the tree) barefoot (no shoes) wearing long pants (too long) (need to hem them) plum viscera got on them (the pants) unexpected plum on the driveway (hot plum) (97 degrees out) already super hungover (throwing up all morning) (should not have been driving at all) and I stepped out of the car (black car) (97 degrees out) and onto the plum (unexpected) (didn't know the plum was there) and it burst (plum nightmare on my only good pair of sweatpants) still we find ways to keep ourselves going from day to day

guess what post just got read aloud in poetry club tonite by an unknowing club member as I watched on in terror

the problem with tumblr spells is all of you lil sluts are casting and not giving it time to charge so you're all casting cantrips and not 9th level death spells. everyone wants to be the one to take them down no one wants to be the one who assists

Wait stop. everyone +like now and spread it a little but cast on the same day in August. lets try August 6th or something.

if I'm ever in the same room as the google CEO I'm attempting murder

Sometimes you get a brief glimpse into the American worldview and decide that you don't want to know.

I cannot stress enough that this meme is entirely literal. there's no reference or subtext you don't know. these are simply the objectively most popular works of art from each denomination.

just saw a pigeon doing the puffed up courtship dance thing to another pigeon, and as he was strutting around he suddenly stopped for a split second to do a very brief preen-peck at his own side, then returned to the strutting around. and i surprised myself by instantly losing respect for the male pigeon in that moment, like come on man i appreciate you had an itch or whatever but how is she supposed to feel special when you're getting distracted by bullshit like that? which on reflection i don't endorse, i mean those are pretty harsh dating norms i'm imposing on these pigeons, from a total outsider perspective, for no reason. probably not all girl pigeons are as uptight about that sort of thing as i would apparently be if i was a girl pigeon, maybe she even found it endearing who knows, i don't know her. it's none of my business really. sorry pigeons.

discord server for silent video game protagonists

chell, doomguy, link, samus, and master chief are all in the server and not one of them has ever sent a message in it. they all consider the others to be their closest friends

there’s a channel where Red sends pictures of all of his pokemon and they all get a Thumbs Up emoji react from everyone else

Eventually Link starts posting selfies in the most crazy places with monsters in the background about to hit him or closeups of plants and small critters. They also get a Thumbs Up react. Nothing else is said.

the Knight from Hollow Knight is on the server. They never post or even give anything the thumbs up react except for the occasional bug-type pokemon. One time Link uploaded an image of a sunrise and The Knight gave it the only Thumbs Down react anyone has ever gotten in the entire server. The resulting Drama (Consisting entirely of a single screenshot of the thumbs down react and a series of exclamation point reacts) nearly tore the server apart

Where. The fuck. Is Gordon Freeman?

I’ve never played League of Legends, sorry :(

This flag is pissing off TERFs of course but i am seeing so much colorful JOY from trans lesbians and other lesbians in the notes like I've never seen a set of tags so happy before omg

everyone should reblog the bipoc transbian flag. It should be law.