We’re All Monsterfuckers, Really

first art of 2026 and its hockey gramps scott hunter

this was based on this twitter post:

Coffee shop AUs are, like... fine. They're not my thing, but they're hardly going to end the world. We don't need to have a moral panic about people enjoying coffee shop AUs. I'm also not about to come for anyone seeking escapism in the current hellscape.

However, I do think it's interesting to examine the tendency within these AUs to project a sort of idyll onto the coffee shop: here is a whimsical place where you can spend time with your friends and potentially meet your true love; here is a world where the greatest dilemma you may face is choosing the right coffee syrup for a new beverage or sneaking your number onto that to-go cup without being obvious.

The fantasy of the coffee shop AU is divorced almost entirely from the reality of an actual coffee shop. There are no abusive, creepy customers or bosses; there is no mention of the barista's wages; we don't see the dishwasher sweating at their station, the cashiers' aching feet; the person whose job it is to clean the (customer-only?) toilets. These topics are Political and Depressing and Must Be Avoided, because Political and Depressing things are antithetical to this kind of escapism.

The coffee shop AU exists, not in a world without capitalism (because this is a setting where commerce is actively happening) but in a world where capitalism has no teeth: a world where capitalism somehow works. In order to be convinced and soothed by this fantasy, you must suspend your disbelief and avert your eyes. You must filter the coffee shop through a neopastoralist lens.

Individual people liking cutesy fluff? Not a problem. Thousands of people insisting that fluff is the only acceptable option and if you dare make them think and consider, you're the problem?

That's a Problem.

It's the shifting of norms in culture, and fandom is not an isolated bubble--it's a representative of larger trends. And the trend right now in our larger culture, especially in America, is authoritarianism. Authoritarianism that has gone past "creeping" and is now "prancing", "dancing", "galloping", or dare I say goosestepping. Of course that's going to have an impact on the cultural scenes, including fandom!

And there's a correlation in societies that want saccharine fluff and their own authoritarianism. I can point to numerous examples--Victorian England with the censored stories for children. The USSR with an entire kitschy style of stories and art. The USA before the rise of Trump with Thomas Kinkaid's art. And that's just scratching the surface.

Obviously, the presence is easier to spot—you can actually see something that is present, but you can’t directly see something that’s absent—so it makes sense that this is the first piece of evidence in building this critique, but the critical thing that makes this an issue is the absence of engagement with challenging works, not actually the engagement with unchallenging ones.

The world was still half-asleep.

Pink fog clung to the gravestones like sleepy cotton candy, and the sun was just beginning to stretch its rays across the quiet cemetery. Everything smelled faintly like damp earth.

And freshly salted ghost remains.

Dean Winchester stood with his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his canvas jacket, chest rising and falling as he caught his breath, his breath leaving him in white foggy clouds. Sweat clung to his temples and his hair stuck up in ways that said he had just run for his life twice in the past twenty minutes. The last of the burning bones crackled behind him in a shallow pit, pops of ember echoing in the otherwise peaceful dawn.

Castiel, in contrast, looked like he had spent the morning in a botanical garden rather than a haunted graveyard. He had wandered off a few minutes earlier without explanation, his coat swaying behind him calmly.

Now he walked back toward Dean with quiet purpose.

In his hand was a small white flower. Cas held it with the same gentle focus he used when handling fragile relics or newborn kittens.

Dean straightened slightly. “Uh. Cas? You good?”

Cas ignored the question. He came to a stop in front of Dean, the distance between them filled only with fog and the faint smell of burning spirit goo. Dean glanced at the flower, then at Cas, then back at the flower again.

Cas lifted it with both hands like it was something sacred.

Before Dean could speak, Cas reached forward and eased the flower into the right breast pocket of Dean’s jacket. He adjusted the stem until it sat perfectly upright, the petals aimed forward like a tiny banner.

He stepped back and admired his work.

Dean froze completely. His head dropped so he could stare at the flower sticking out of his pocket. His eyes, however, flicked upward at Cas, slow and bewildered.

Cas looked almost smug. “There. Much better.”

Dean blinked. “Cas. What. Why.”

Cas folded his hands behind his back. “You looked in need of something pleasant.”

“I looked what now?”

“Pleasant. Softening. You have been engaged in violent action for the past hour.” Cas nodded toward the smoking grave. “It seemed appropriate to introduce something gentle.”

Dean stared at him as if Cas had just invented the concept of flowers. “So you picked one off a haunted grave. And put it on me.”

“Yes.”

“Like I am what? A vase?”

Cas tilted his head. “More like a very important surface.”

Dean’s mouth opened, then closed again. He squinted at the flower like it might offer answers. The delicate white petals swayed gently in the early morning breeze. He was too tired to process this. 

He was too tired for most things, really. 

Cas took a small step closer, his expression earnest. “Do you dislike it? I can retrieve another if this one is not aesthetically balanced.”

Dean felt his ears get warm. “No, no. It is. I mean. It is fine.”

Cas brightened with quiet satisfaction. “Good.”

They stood there, surrounded by fog and gravestones and the fading crackle of ghost fire. Dean still had his hands in his pockets, his shoulders slouched, breath slowing. The flower looked ridiculous on him. He knew it. Cas definitely knew it. 

Dean chanced a look at Cas’s face. There was a softness there that made his stomach go strange.

Cas, noticing the stare, simply said, “It suits you.”

Dean swallowed. “Yeah. Well. You, uh… picked it real straight.”

“Thank you.”

The sun finally broke over the horizon, casting gold over the two of them. The fog turned peach. The graves shimmered. A bird chirped somewhere, far too cheerful for the hour.

Dean cleared his throat. “You wanna get breakfast?”

Cas glanced at the flower in Dean’s pocket and seemed unreasonably pleased. “Yes. I would like that.”

Dean nodded once, still not removing the flower.

And Cas walked beside him, very proud of his decorative choice.

This not only comes from a place of homophobia but also heteronormativity. Buddie is inherently better because “they’re a family” ignoring the fact that Evan and Tommy could easily build their own, they are constantly pushing buddie into heteronormative roles, ESPECIALLY Buck.

They go out of their way and try so hard to prove Tommy never changed for the better, that he is still the same person he was nearly 20 years ago. That he isn’t deserving of Buck, all to prove their claim of “your ship bad and toxic therefore mine better.” Again, putting themselves on the moral high ground so their criticisms and weird hater behavior seems more justified and acceptable than when we speak out.

When that doesnt work? No problem. They just turn to straight homophobia and conservative talking points.

“Tommy wanted Eddie first but settled for Buck” sure man, I’m surprised you could take Eddies dick out of your mouth long enough to type that sentence.

“Tommy only wants sex, like most gay men do” Yes this is an actual quote from a post criticizing Tommy! Again! Homophobia! If Tommy only wanted sex theres.. grindr.. its fucking LA?? However I do find it interesting that the idea of queer men (Gay men especially) wanting sex and not feeling bad about it is something that upsets these people so much.. i wonder why the idea of gay sex makes them uncomfortable 🤔

Which brings me to their next talking point

The daddy kink scene.

I don’t even want to go into the awful violent things that were posted in response to a gay man flirting with his boyfriend, but I’m sure most of you all have seen them already so I’ll keep it vague. We all know Buck initiated that flirting scene, we all know Buck brought up daddy kink and Tommy reciprocated.

But because they can’t possibly imagine their precious little baby Buck partaking in such heinous kinks? Well then it MUST be Tommy who started it! Therefore BuckTommy is bad because Tommy is into “gross” or “immoral” kinks and makes everything about sex and so..? Yep! Buddie better ! Buddie the safe clean option!

SPEAKING of making everything about sex lets talk about the way buddie shippers tried to say “youre a vision in a cone” was about PUPPY PLAY??

Again I find it sooo interesting that these people are trying to base morals and high ground on two men possibly engaging in kink. Isnt that interesting?

The compliment was obviously not puppy play kink but even if it was who the fuck cares? They’re grown ass men? They can partake in kink???

Why are you twice now claiming that BuckTommy , and lets be honest here, mainly Tommy is a bad person and ship because of sexual attraction? Because of kinks?

The Buddie fanon on AO3 is full of this stuff too. A lot of those fics read exactly like Buck is a paper doll standing in for the female writer in a very specific kind of domestic fantasy.

All of this garbage starts at the sheer amount of people who want to see themselves/their stand-in being in a super traditional relationship with Ryan Guzman. It’s really weird and gross.

And I know that most people who write slash aren’t doing it for this reason. But there are definitely people who appear to be into slash because they don’t want to put themselves in the shoes of any female character from whatever media, so they use a male character but have to chop big parts of his characterization away to make it work. Is this some kind of weird internal misogyny? A lot of women feel very competitive toward other women, maybe they can’t relate to a female character because it intimidates them?

A non-exhaustive list inspired by my 10+ years of experience in fandom, both personal and second-hand. By sharing this, I hope to make other people more aware and able to protect themselves in the future. No fandom space or friend group is worth your mental health.

They claim they have secret information and use that to lure you in

They might either lovebomb you at first or make you (feel like you have to) prove your worth

The leader(s) of the group might not feel super approachable, at least not without fear of saying the wrong thing

They seem to create or point out a divide in fandom you’d never noticed before. Likely this divide isn’t actually there in wider fandom, or the need for it is wholly unnecessary.

They create an us vs them (outsiders) situation. Their group has the most knowledge and expertise, if others critique them it’s simply cause they must’ve heard false rumors. They are always the ones who are “misunderstood”.

Questioning statements from leaders/people with high regard in the group, is not without risk. You can get dogpiled, your intelligence put into question and gaslit about your own words and feelings.

You see discussions happen and get more heated, and at the end of that discussion the person on the receiving end of the things mentioned above ^ starts apologizing profusely and/or believes they are indeed stupid. However, if this person does keep defending their stance, they might get bullied or kicked out of the server/group chat

Too much emphasis on Being Right/having the correct take or theory – it may seem it has a higher priority than empathy and tactful communication

You need to have an opinion (their opinion), because silence equals condoning or agreeing with the “other side”

Everything is a moral issue. When everything is made out to be a high-stakes issue or reflective of everyone as a person, it's easier for the leader(s) to manipulate you.

You find yourself excusing people’s behavior because you agree with their point. The way they bring their argument forward and the tone they use, become subordinate to finding out the truthTM

There is such a thing as The TruthTM in every theory, discussion or analysis

If you don't Get It, it's cause you haven't "worked on yourself enough". Or it's cause you're not trying hard enough, or you haven't done enough reading, or you have blind spots only they can see.

There is a lot of conspiratorial thinking – maybe actors are trying to send us secret messages, maybe there is a Whole Lot You Don’t Know But We Do, Trust Us, maybe this or that person in fandom has tried to attack us and are planning a bigger attack,…

You barely/don’t have fandom friends outside of this group and if you do, you tend to intentionally (whether subconsciously or not) hide your experience from them. They wouldn’t understand the way they talk, they wouldn’t understand the way it works etc

They want to know a lot of your personal information. - might only happen once you get into higher ranks

You might get (more and more) specific “tasks”, it starts becoming a part-time job instead of a hobby/fun space to hang out with friends

Of course, these red flags are not always immediately visible let alone advertised when you join a group chat/discord server/twitter or tumblr bubble. They can also be nonexistent at first and show up later. Here are some general ways to stay vigilant:

Periodically check in with your values, if they might be changing & how you feel about that.

Keep an eye on the way people (and yourself) are being treated. Is it kind? Is it fair? Do you feel on edge all the time when you’re having conversations? Is your body more tense when you’re in this online space or when certain people are around? Be honest with yourself here.

Ask yourself: Is this space becoming my only coping mechanism? Am I spending too much time here? There’s no shame in spending a lot of time on things you enjoy, but do check in with yourself sometimes whether you are actually still having fun and if you are taking things too seriously or parasocialising a lot.

Cyborg Savior

Author: ValandraWrites

Artist: squirrelofcelestialintent

Rating: Explicit

Pairings: Dean/Castiel, Past Castiel/Aprin (not seen)

Length: 85621

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tags: Alpha Castiel/Omega Dean Winchester Cyborg Castiel Cage Fighter Castiel Dean Winchester makes a deal with Crowley Young and Innocent Dean Winchester Runaway Dean Winchester Dystopia - EcoPunk Science Fiction Happy Ending - No really

Summary: Castiel is an Alpha cyborg, with a dangerous past and fists made for breaking bones. His cybernetic arm has crushed every problem, except for when it comes to love. After losing the only person he ever cared about, he swore off anything that could come close to his heart. Dean is a naive omega, running from the suffocating traditions of his restrictive father straight into a gritty city that chews omegas like him up for sport. He’s painfully unprepared for the harsh reality of life in Cyn City, where survival is bought in blood and favors. When Dean strikes a deal with Crowley, he doesn't realize he’s sold his soul. Castiel, the cold-eyed cyborg everyone fears could be Dean’s savior—or the worst mistake of his life. Will the deadly Alpha step in and save the day, or is he just as dangerous as everyone around them says?