Squeaks' Spot

Question: What feeds you? What gives you strength?

Diane: Being a director, whether you’re in rehearsal or you’re in auditions or you’re in a creative meeting, is so much to me about being present in the moment. There’s a sense of time stopping. That’s why I went into the theater. There was something about being in the theater that didn’t feel, ever, like I was looking at a clock. Being in rehearsal, it’s just a zone. Making something better? Infinite energy for that. One o’clock in the morning, after a preview, notes session, it’s still not working: How do we make it better?

Question: What about as a producer?

Diane: When I put on my hat as artistic director of the ART, it feels much less personal and much more about the mission. I do have my taste, but I’m really looking at what are the shows that will be the biggest catalyst for engagement with our audience? And that could be, with “Woody Sez” [in 2012], the hootenannies in our lobby. When I saw 300 people in our lobby with their spoons, washboards, and guitars that they had hid under their chair during the whole show, I sort of thought, I could die and go to heaven and my whole vision for ART has been achieved. That, of all the shows we’ve done, was the most concrete, primal, visceral example of an organic happening after a show — and it happened time and time again.

Question: Has your success changed you at all as an artist?

Diane: It definitely opens doors to people who want to talk with you or work with you. So that’s been exciting. It’s funny, because inside it — like, really in the trenches of it — nothing feels different. It feels the same, like when I was an artist 10 years ago: projects that you fight tooth, nail, and claw to figure out and unpack. But I do find now more when I’m seeing an audition for a new show, an actor will walk in who’s been someone I’ve watched for years and say to me, “I’m a fan of your work.” That always surprises me.

Question: When are you happiest, most fulfilled, most energized?

Diane: When I’m in the moment of creation. Even if it’s hard, you want to be there, because you want to crack it and figure it out. It’s like an endurance test. I know that now, in my bones. I get interested in something if I sense a potential: I can actually see the top of the mountain. How we’re gonna get there I have no idea. But my job is to just train and motivate and inspire everyone to start climbing that hill. And when we are halfway up the hill and people are discouraged, we gotta keep going. My job is to keep pointing to the top. People strive for losing ego: through meditation, through sports — I don’t know if you want to write this, but through sex. So it’s always funny when you’re talked about as the director with a vision. I never relate to it that way. I relate to it as how can I create a situation where I can get in a room and lose my ego with a bunch of people, and we’re gonna make something great? I don’t know how we’re gonna do it, but we’re gonna figure it out.

Question: And where in there does time stop?

Okay. From seeing all those movie musicals, I used to dance around on the street, and I'd get caught all the time. God, it was embarrassing. I was always being Cyd Charisse... Always. Which I don't really understand, because I always wanted to be an actor. I mean, I really wanted to perform. Once my cousin said to me, "You'll never be an actor" and I knew she was telling me this because I was such a sissy. I mean, I was terribly effeminate. I always knew I was gay, but that didn't bother me. What bothered me was that I didn't know how to be a boy.



One day I looked at myself in the mirror and said, "You're fourteen years old and you're a faggot. What are you going to do with your life?" By that time I was in Cardinal Hayes High School. There were three thousand boys there. I had no protection any more. No homeroom where I could be charming and funny with the tough guys so they'd fight my battles for me. Like when I went to small schools. I liked school. But my grades got so bad. Even if I knew the answers to questions, I wouldn't raise my hand because I would be afraid they would laugh at me. They'd even whistle at me in the halls. It was awful ... just awful. Finally, I went down to the Principal's office and said : "I'm a homosexual." Well, it was a Catholic high school at around nineteen sixty-two and at the age of fifteen you just didn't say that. He said: "Would you like to see a psychologist?" And I did. And he said: "I think you're very well-adjusted for your age and I think you should quit school." So, I did. But I didn't really want to. I couldn't take it anymore.

See, when I quit school, what I was doing was trying to find out who I was and how to be a man. You know, there are a lot of people in this world who don't know how to be men. And since then, I found out that I am one. I was looking for the wrong thing. I was trying to learn how to be butch.

Anyway, I started hanging around Seventy-Second Street, meeting all these really strange people. Just trying to make friends that were like me, so that I'd understand what it was that I was.

Somebody told me they were looking for male dancers for the Jewel Box Revue, you know, the drag show. So, I go down to audition. Now, from all those years of pretending I was Cyd Charisse, I had this fabulous extension. I mean I could turn ... anything my first audition. And they said to me : "You're too short to be a boy, would you like to be a pony?"; And I said : "What's that?"; And they said : "A girl."; "What do I have to do?"; "Show us your legs." So I went and they hiked up my dungarees and they put on a pair of nylon stockings and high heels. It was freaky. It was incredible. And then they brought me back downstairs and they said: "Oh, you have wonderful legs." I said:"Really?...Terrific..." It's so strange thinking about this. It was a whole lifetime ago. I was just past sixteen.

Anyway, then there was this thing of me trying to hide it from my parents. That was something. 'Cause I had to buy all this stuff. Like, ah, shoes to rehearse in, earrings, make-up. And I would hide it all and my mother would find it. I told her there was this girl in the show and she didn't want her mother to know what she was doing and I was holding this stuff for her. She believed me.

Well, I was finally in show business. It was the asshole of show business - but it was a job... Nothing to brag about. I had friends. But after a while it was so demeaning. Nobody at the Jewel Box had any dignity and most of them were ashamed of themselves and considered themselves freaks. I don't know, I think it was the lack of dignity that got to me, so I left. Oh, I muddled around for a while. I worked as an office boy, a waiter - But without an education, you can't get a good job. So, when the Jewel Box called and asked if I'd come back, I went.



We were working the Apollo Theatre on a Hundred and Twenty-Fifth Street. Doing four shows a day with a movie. It was really tacky. The show was going to go to Chicago. My parents wanted to say goodbye and they were going to bring my luggage to the theatre after the show. Well, we were doing this oriental number and I looked like Anna May Wong. I had these two great big chrysanthemums on either side my head and a huge headdress with gold balls hanging all over it. I was going on for the finale and going down the stairs and who should I see standing by the stage door ... my parents. They got there too early. I freaked. I didn't know what to do. I thought to myself : "I know, I'll just walk quickly past them like all the others and they'll never recognize me." So I took a deep breath and started down the stairs and just as I passed my mother I heard her say : "Oh, my God." Well... I died. But what could I do? I had to go on for the finale so I just kept going. After the show I went back to my dressing room and after I'd finished dressing and taking my makeup off, I went back down stairs. And there they were standing in the middle of all these ... And all they said to me was please write, make sure you eat and take care of yourself. And just before my parents left, my father turned to the producer and said : "Take care of my son..."; That was the first time he ever called me that.

XO - Live - Dec. 13th in Chicago

On December 13th, I was lucky enough to see Beyoncé live on her Mrs. Carter World Tour.  It was truly the most amazing show I have ever seen.  Somehow, Bey sounds even more amazing live than she does on her records.  She sang all my favorites, danced her ass off, and exuded grace and beauty.  She even flew through the air in a blue sequin jumpsuit.  I was up dancing through the entire show, and really could not control my emotions.  She sang XO, off her brand new album, for the first time ever live!  It was beautiful - now you can enjoy too!  (Click images below for more links!)

Welcome to finals.  First, let me say:  YOU'VE GOT THIS!  You are amazing, and you are about to make these finals your b!tch!  Here are a few things to help you get through this trying time:

The U Penn Struggle Bus App:  Put in your problems, watch the us break down.  It may be a metaphor for your mental state, but it's pretty satisfying.

Go the Distance:  Watch this for some sweet Disney motivation.  Because, you can go the distance too.

And, finally, the most important form of motivation:  man candy:

(That last one really spoke to me - I'm going to see B at the end of this week.  NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.)

Remember, finals will be over before you know it!  And then life will be grand once more.

So GET MOTIVATED, and prepare for battle.

Pentatonix - Daft Punk

Psych may just be my favorite TV show of all time.  I just finished watching the entire series for about the 10th time, and I still love it!  This post is entirely dedicated to it's awesomeness:

Gus: You named your fake detective agency "Psych"? As in "gotcha"? Why didn't you just call it "Hey, we're fooling you and the police department; hope we don't make a mistake and somebody dies because of it."

Shawn: First of all, Gus, that name is entirely too long; it would never fit on the window. And secondly, the best way you convince people you're not lying to them is to tell them you are!

Gus: Are you crazy?!

Shawn: I wouldn't say crazy... maybe an eccentric who looks good in jeans.

Shawn + Gus:  The best duo in the history of EVER.

Young Gus: I don't need you and your misplaced prepositions!

...

Young Shawn: Hey, Dad. We're prospecting for oil. How was your day?

...

Gus: That's because you don't have the Super Smeller!

Shawn: Okay, you have got to stop calling your nose the Super Smeller. If you want to nickname a body part, nickname your butt, man. Call it the Tight-Bouncer or the Hexagon. Ladies are gonna dig that.

Shawn: Jules.

Juliet: Sorry, Shawn, no time for your tomfoolery and silliness.

Shawn: Actually we were just...

Juliet: That also goes for nonsense, malarkey, and shenanigans.

...

Lassiter: Guster, you have to wake up to the real world: people have sex and kill each other. That's the real world. Not some magical "feelings" place.

Shawn: Shawn Spencer. That is my partner Sh'Dynasty. It is spelled S-H, comma-to-the-top, dynasty.

Jordan: "Comma-to-the-top"?

Gus: That's God's comma.

...

Shawn: [to Lassiter's sister] Hello! I'm Shawn Spencer. This is my partner Radio Star. I'm afraid your video will kill him.

...

Shawn: I'm Shawn and this is my associate, M. C. Clap Your Handz. [Gus claps his hands.]

Gus: With a Z.

...

Shawn:  I'm Shawn Spenstar and this is my partner, Gus "TT" Showbiz.

Gus:  The extra T is for extra talent. 

Gus.  A.K.A: Ghee Buttersnaps, Lavender Gooms, Hummingbird Saltalamacchia, Gus "Sillypants" Jackson, Magic Head, Chocolate      Columbo, Methuselah Honeysuckle, Scrooge Jones, Shawn, Black Magic (and others!)

Lassitor:  I'd rather...

learn to play the harp.

french kiss a hobo

adopt a child.

spend the rest of my life at Lilith Fair

fall in love with a vegan.

Shawn: And injury-free since June, when Gus broke his finger flipping the injury countdown calendar.

...

Woody: Guster, your cholesterol is really high.

Shawn: Man, I told you eating something called "stick of butter in a bun" was a bad idea!

Gus: I can't help it, Shawn, my body craves buttery goodness.

Henry: It's a good thing we wore our lucky shirts.

Shawn: I'm just worried someone is going to stare directly at the pattern and have a seizure.

...

Henry: I warned you Shawn, fire fighters are trouble. I did everything in my power to keep you off of the pole!

Shawn: And you succeeded, Dad... in every conceivable way.

...

Shawn: Well, the plot, unlike your hair, continues to thicken.

Gus, Don´t be…

a gooey chocolate chip cookie

a Rabid Porcupine

such a gloomy you, Gus

an incorrigible Eskimo Pie with a caramel ribbon.

an old sponge with hair hanging off of it

a miopic Chihuahua

exactly half of an eleven-pound Black Forest ham!

this crevice in my arm.

the last of the international playboys.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Marzipan.

the American adaptation of the British Gus

the “iiiiiiiit” in “wait for iiiiiiiit”.

George Hamilton’s reaction when Ashley came to him and said, “Dad, I think I’ll become an actor, too.”

the one game at Chuck E. Cheese that isn’t broken.

your jury summons I accidentally threw away last month

the way Eriq La Salle spells “Eriq.”

the Mystery Mouseketool

the B from Apartment 23

the remake of Yours, Mine and Ours. While I am at it, don´t be the original either.

the only black lead on a major cable network

Shawn + Jules:  A match made in obscure-80s-movie-reference heaven!

Shawn: You think I don't want her to be happy? I want her to be happy. But—serious Shawn moment here—I want to be happy too, and for some reason I can't imagine that happening without Juliet.

...

Juliet: Shawn, just so you know, if you go to prison I will not wait for you!

Shawn: Of course you won't. I'll escape; we both know that.

Shawn: Take lots of pictures. Not of sights. Don't take pictures of buildings. Take pictures of moments, because that's what matters.

Shawn: Just because you put syrup on something don't make it pancakes.

Three websites that will improve your life with the click of a button:

1)  Food Porn Daily

Click.  Drool.  Repeat.

http://foodporndaily.com/pictures/creamy-chocolate-coconut-pie-drizzled-with-fudge-sauce/

2)  The 90s Button

Unleash 90s heaven.

http://www.the90sbutton.com/

3) The Make Everything OK Button

Sometimes you just need this.