I DONT KNOW WHAT IT IS.

and that’s what makes it hurt

you were so close

yet so far away”

okay , so like….. I really like this boy???? Like i like him he’s really kind and sweet and funny and is respectful of women and chivalrous and smart and caring and can bake and loves his momma and his sister and is good at sport and he’s woke…..and..and is just so breathtakingly handsome whenever. he smiles i feel all warm and bubbly and SAFE and UGH!!! And whenever i see him i…just…i dunno… i just see him walking around school, sitting in class, listening to music or whatever i just i feel this urge or need to capture that moment of him just being cuz i feel that his mere existence needs to be preserved?? And i know that liking him is pointless and nothing can come out of this and he isn’t even interested why must i remain so invested and give him my time?

And the fact that i know my pointless pinning is just that pointless pinning, i cannot help but to continue this self-inflicted torture of slow heart break because…how can i not like him? Even though he’ll never like me back.

And it hurts.

It hurts because, he doesn’t see me like that. We barely talk in real life, except for when we went on that school trip for a week and when we had to perform together and it’s just…ugh. I’m so unbelievably awkward whenever he is concerned and i probably come across as rude but im just being shy as hell cuz i dunno how to interact with you because i’ve built up some ridiculous idea of you that you’re outta of my league or untouchable and therefore when you look at me or start talking to me you’ll just know that i like you and that is absolutely terrifying because i don’t want to be rejected cuz you dont like me like that. Actually i don’t even know if you like me in a friend way. You could just be putting up with me for all i know. And im overthinking this and letting my words spill out and run into each other but i guess that represents how i feel about you.

A lot and conflicting. Chaos.

Anyways. I just… i just need to get over you, sit down and carry on with getting my diploma and focusing on my own future and not on this blissful, happy and beautifully fictional universe where we are together. The fictional feature where i can dote on you, hug you, hold your hand, make you smile, make you laugh, cook with you, cuddle with you (or you), kiss you...just be with you. An alternate reality where you liked me back and you confessed to me and…and where you told me you thought i was intelligent and sweet, funny and strong and you thought that i was beautiful and…and…it’s just… oh dear im getting a little teary thinking about this and it’s not even real. it’s all in my head but oh how i wish it were real.

But you understand me, right? Unrequited crushes are so painful and i just wanted this one to…just this once to be requinted. For my feelings to be returned and i could be happy, romantically because finally my feelings are mutual. But that isn’t what’s happening. I’m here stuck in an unrequited love that’s never going to happen.

And no matter what i tell myself, a really dumb part of me hopes that maybe, just maybe he’ll like me back. And no matter what i’ve heard or what i’ve been told, i cannot help but hope that maybe he’s lying and maybe he does like me. But who am i kidding, he wont like me. I’m not his type.

Put together and intelligent, that is not me in the least.

And the reason i dare to hope is because of all the things he did for me during that one week trip and apart of me hopes that “hey it’s a flirt” but another part of me thinks “nah he was just being nice” and i’m mad because one is always told “like a nice boy they’ll treat you right”. WRONG. You won’t know if they’re flirting or just being nice and it’s frustrating because why couldn’t i like someone who i dunno COULD FLIRT OBVIOUSLY or i could just NOT LIKE ANYONE. But no im stuck here liking this annoyling beautifully boy and it SUCKS cuz i just wanna get thru school and pass well and go to uni and find a mans there.

But alas that is not the case. And i hate how much power i give him. I hate how this mere boy who isn’t worth my time because he does not realize my worth and yet he has such prominence in my thoughts and dreams.

I just ask one thing of you bun. and that’s to please let me be. Please leave me be. I want to live without the thought of you. I want to live without having you cross my mind. I want to live without getting overly excited about seeing you in the halls, in the cafeteria, in the music room or anywhere in general. I don’t need this heartbreak bun, so please just let me live. Just let me rest.

Whenever I saw him with her made my heart die a little. Now, I don’t feel anything strong for him. I don’t really dislike her anymore for taking what was never mine in the first place. When I do see them, I laugh and say to my friends “I don’t care anymore haha. I’ll cry about it later.” The fact that I can’t feel any emotions at all probably isn’t a good sign. But it’s okay. Fake it till you make it.

okay , so like….. I really like this boy???? Like i like him he’s really kind and sweet and funny and is respectful of women and chivalrous and smart and caring and can bake and loves his momma and his sister and is good at sport and he’s woke…..and..and is just so breathtakingly handsome whenever. he smiles i feel all warm and bubbly and SAFE and UGH!!! And whenever i see him i…just…i dunno… i just see him walking around school, sitting in class, listening to music or whatever i just i feel this urge or need to capture that moment of him just being cuz i feel that his mere existence needs to be preserved?? And i know that liking him is pointless and nothing can come out of this and he isn’t even interested why must i remain so invested and give him my time?

And the fact that i know my pointless pinning is just that pointless pinning, i cannot help but to continue this self-inflicted torture of slow heart break because…how can i not like him? Even though he’ll never like me back.

And it hurts.

It hurts because, he doesn’t see me like that. We barely talk in real life, except for when we went on that school trip for a week and when we had to perform together and it’s just…ugh. I’m so unbelievably awkward whenever he is concerned and i probably come across as rude but im just being shy as hell cuz i dunno how to interact with you because i’ve built up some ridiculous idea of you that you’re outta of my league or untouchable and therefore when you look at me or start talking to me you’ll just know that i like you and that is absolutely terrifying because i don’t want to be rejected cuz you dont like me like that. Actually i don’t even know if you like me in a friend way. You could just be putting up with me for all i know. And im overthinking this and letting my words spill out and run into each other but i guess that represents how i feel about you.

A lot and conflicting. Chaos.

Anyways. I just… i just need to get over you, sit down and carry on with getting my diploma and focusing on my own future and not on this blissful, happy and beautifully fictional universe where we are together. The fictional feature where i can dote on you, hug you, hold your hand, make you smile, make you laugh, cook with you, cuddle with you (or you), kiss you...just be with you. An alternate reality where you liked me back and you confessed to me and…and where you told me you thought i was intelligent and sweet, funny and strong and you thought that i was beautiful and…and…it’s just… oh dear im getting a little teary thinking about this and it’s not even real. it’s all in my head but oh how i wish it were real.

But you understand me, right? Unrequited crushes are so painful and i just wanted this one to…just this once to be requinted. For my feelings to be returned and i could be happy, romantically because finally my feelings are mutual. But that isn’t what’s happening. I’m here stuck in an unrequited love that’s never going to happen.

And no matter what i tell myself, a really dumb part of me hopes that maybe, just maybe he’ll like me back. And no matter what i’ve heard or what i’ve been told, i cannot help but hope that maybe he’s lying and maybe he does like me. But who am i kidding, he wont like me. I’m not his type.

Put together and intelligent, that is not me in the least.

And the reason i dare to hope is because of all the things he did for me during that one week trip and apart of me hopes that “hey it’s a flirt” but another part of me thinks “nah he was just being nice” and i’m mad because one is always told “like a nice boy they’ll treat you right”. WRONG. You won’t know if they’re flirting or just being nice and it’s frustrating because why couldn’t i like someone who i dunno COULD FLIRT OBVIOUSLY or i could just NOT LIKE ANYONE. But no im stuck here liking this annoyling beautifully boy and it SUCKS cuz i just wanna get thru school and pass well and go to uni and find a mans there.

But alas that is not the case. And i hate how much power i give him. I hate how this mere boy who isn’t worth my time because he does not realize my worth and yet he has such prominence in my thoughts and dreams.

I just ask one thing of you bun. and that’s to please let me be. Please leave me be. I want to live without the thought of you. I want to live without having you cross my mind. I want to live without getting overly excited about seeing you in the halls, in the cafeteria, in the music room or anywhere in general. I don’t need this heartbreak bun, so please just let me live. Just let me rest.

I know it’s hard, friend.

Please keep your chin up and stay strong. I know that nights are long, and lonely, and it’s the time in which your demons scream the loudest. Scream back louder. Don’t do anything you’ll regret in the morning. Remember that you’re loved, and remember that so many people think you’re amazing. You are valid and beautiful and deserve only the best.

Pairing: Yukhei x Reader

Warnings: None

Summary: You reunite with Yukhei after he left to become a trainee and you both decide it’s time to express your feelings for each other (Requested)

but that doesn’t mean

that I should stop walking

and let time continuously

pass me by

without doing anything

that will make me

feel alive.