Sprinkles

I am 33 today, tonight to be specific. Sitting at the bar of a favorite restaurant in White Plains, and pondering how I made it this far. I felt so determined to destroy myself, for so long. 33 feels good. Today feels good. Life feels right. There have always been and will always be tough times, but recently times have been calmer. But I have come to learn that "good times" and "bad times" exist simultantously. No one can know how many days they get, and I am in the surprisingly common predicament of having been here for more days than i thought I would be. I have also learned that things only work if you work them. This is true for all things, on all levels. Manifestation is an exchange of energy, focusing the mind on tethers not yet conceived by science, and adding pressure to those tethers with focused energy generated by work. I have learned that people who want to be there for you, will be there for you, even if they are not able to offer "value". The people who give a whole fuck about you will be there in anyway that they can be. Subsequently, one should only give their attention to people who do give "a whole fuck" about them. In the long run of life, nobody else will be there when you truly need them and so, arguably, is not worth effort. That being said, I have also learned that very few people are "worth the effort", and that people's worth is not why one should be kind. Niceties are cheap, vague, and convenient. I do not believe in the disensing of kindness for praise or recognition. Kindness should be given because it is how love is spread throughout this world. It is the rent we ay for being here eaach day. To err is human, to take care of each other is divine. It is the year 2024, very few things are original. Most of our ideas, designs, vaguest ideas had been concieved before our ancestors' ancestors walked the Earth. We knew in our earliest days that the planet was round, and that the giant celestial bodies of both fire and ice were equally important to our planet's functions. We knew these things before we could comprehend the rotation of the planets. Also - I am not better or worse than anyone else. Most people are confused and on auto-pilot, believing whatever is told to them in a convincing tone from someone they view as smarter than themselves. This is a drastic oversimplification, but the point remains true. Dad always said "not everybody thinks like you" - we have added to this in these 30 years. "Not everybody thinks like you do, and not everybody thinks at all." I have learned that many men say they want strong women. Many times, that boils down to owning a strong woman. To having her concede to him, the one who is ultimately in charge on virtue of his cock alone. One of the most unfortunate revolations of this life thus far has been just how many men subconciously wish to break a strong woman. Men will show you their intentions quickly, believe them when they show you the first time. If someone tells/show you that you are not a priority to them, you must leave immediately. They will call you sensitive, emotional, and cold. givve these thoughts no glue, and keep it moving. Understand this - being done with someone's bullshit or abusive behavior will never make you the cold one. They were cold when they betrayed your trust, broke your confidence, and expected you to deal with it. Take your warmth with you, and they will immediately notice their own icy emptiness.