I had two doctor's appointments back-to-back recently and wow, what these doctors told me was so appalling and callous...
TW: medical gaslighting, brief mentioning of SH scars, brief mentioning of the death of a parent
The first one was a dermatologist's appointment in which I also wanted to get a second opinion on my exfoliative cheilitis/eczema on my lips. The ointment my previous dermatologist (who retired) prescribed me with worked really well, and other people don't notice that there is anything wrong with my lips since they healed up so much. However... my skin never fully recovered, so while my lips at least look pretty normal again, I still have to be very careful with brushing my teeth as well as eating. I also have to drink with a straw and my lips can't have water run over them when I take a shower or wash my face. These things still bother me in my daily life, so I asked the dermatologist whether there is anything else that could be done about it since I still struggle with it.
She basically responded by telling me that my mental state has an effect on my skin and that it's basically on me [for having bad mental health] that my lips won't heal further. She then added that she can see that [I struggle with my mental health] with a nudge towards my self-harm scars.
I know that stress can trigger eczema, but still, it was the way she said it... I was in shock. The audacity to indirectly tell me that my skin condition is my own fault and then pointing towards scars that are 13 (!!!) years old. I struggled with this as a young teenager, I haven't done that to myself in ages. My mental health has also improved tremendously since this eczema/exfoliative cheilitis started in 2021. Back then, I was stuck in an anxiety attack that lasted for 9 months and during that time, my dad also passed away. I was anxious and on edge from the moment I woke up to the moment I finally fell asleep, then rinse and repeat. The anxiety frequently accumulated to a full blown panic attack, but even after that, I went back to an anxious and on-edge state of mind. No rest or being able to really calm down for 9 months straight. My therapist and I worked so hard on my anxiety since I've gone through multiple anxiety disorders (social anxiety, agoraphobia, panic disorder, health/illness anxiety). After 9 months, one prolonged therapy session broke the ongoing anxiety cycle and from then on, I was able to slowly but surely overcome my anxiety and panic. I've improved so much that I've rarely had any panic attacks in the past 2-3 years and I also don't really struggle with anxiety attacks/prolonged feelings of anxiousness anymore. I now even manage to feel calm in situations where even regular people feel nervous and/or anxious... but of course, according to that dermatologist who knows hardly anything about me, my current mental health is at fault for my eczema/exfoliative cheilitis. Thanks for nothing. š
To my suspected perioral dermatitis, she also basically said "this rash around your nose area simply comes from oily skin"āuhm, what?! This is the second dermatologist in my country that doesn't seem to know what perioral dermatitis is?? I once went to another dermatologist who basically told me, "oh, yes. Some people get these strange rashes around their noses, but we don't really know what's causing it and what could be done about it."
Bruh. Who's the skin expert here fr?!
But back to the story:
I had started the day on such a positive note; it was one of the first sunny and warm spring days of the year, I went to get a few things from the pharmacy, bought some food, and got my hair & bangs trimmed at the salon and then went to the dermatologist's appointment. I left the office feeling so devastated and depressed, I couldn't even appreciate the beautiful weather anymore. I just wanted to go home, kick some rocks, and then hide under my blanket.
The next morning, I had to visit my GP. An appointment in the morning is already a terrible idea with my delayed sleep phase syndrome, but that was the only available appointment if I didn't want to wait 5 weeks for the next one...
Anyway, my doctor has known about my chronic illness struggles for the past 10 years and he also knows about my autism and ADHD diagnoses etc. So far, he's always been very nice and understanding, especially when we discussed my audhd since he told me that his youngest son was autistic and ADHD, too. I went into this appointment thinking it would go well. I wanted to ask him whether he could refer me to an immunologist so I could get tested for possible MCAS. Well... that didn't go so well.
I don't know whether he was simply stressed since he was on vacation and probably had to catch up on work (we've experienced some doctors being uncharacteristically harsh when you have an appointment shortly after their vacation ended in the past) or whether there were other things that ticked him off, but whatever it was, he reacted to my request so cruelly.
He didn't find it necessary at all for me to visit an immunologist and told me, "since you haven't visited me in a while you can't possibly be sick enough to see a specialist."
What the actual fuck?! Please excuse my language, but seriously, what the fuck???
He knows that I've struggled with chronic illness for the past 10 years
I've never once visited him and told him that I felt good, I always told him that I'm struggling with chronic health issues
Why the fuck should I constantly schedule appointments when there is nothing more that he can do for me???
They always tell us not to run to our GPs with everything so that doctors don't get floodedāI simply didn't want to waste his time and make space for patients that actually have health issues that a GP can help solve.
I just... can't. This wasn't the only thing that he threw at me, he also dismissed all the health issues I listed as proof that it would be worth it for me to get checked out by saying that these are all "normal" things that women experience. No?? Tf, they are not?? It's absolutely not normal to deal with all the health issues I deal with, but thank you for gaslighting me.
Furthermore, he also made me feel like a lunatic for simply wanting clarity about my symptoms and what I may or may not be suffering from. He basically said, "And so what? What would knowing that you have this illness help you with? You also got that sleep disorder diagnosed and now what? The diagnosis didn't do anything for you now, did it?" I then explained to him how knowing that I indeed suffer from a neurological sleep disorder helped me a lot in the ways I view and think about myself and my sleep problems even if there isn't anything that can really help me. He didn't really care about that. However, he should've known that wanting clarity about what's going on with me is SO IMPORTANT for me as an autistic person, and that I'm also not imagining 100 different illnesses that I could have. Just like with my autism, ADHD, and sleep disorder, I first diligently researched these diagnoses and carefully evaluated myself before I dared to talk to professionals and ask for an official assessment. So when it comes to POTS and MCAS, I didn't simply see these diagnoses floating around and thought to myself, "Oh I might have them, let's run to a doctor." Of course not! I researched them further and again, carefully evaluated myself and even did tests at home to see whether my assumptions are valid enough to schedule an appointment with a specialist.
Anyway, I honestly got too stunned to speak the more he went on and I couldn't believe that he'd suddenly treat me like that after always being so nice to me. The last time I saw him, he literally showed so much care and told me that I could always contact him if I needed anything... and now... this. Did he, perhaps, feel offended that I wanted to see a specialist? Did he expect I'd come see him more often after he told me that I could always contact him (which, btw, is super hard since he's often on vacation and my mom sometimes has to keep calling his office for a whole work week before someone finally picks up the phone so we can get an appointment...)?
So many questions... so much confusion... just way too much for me to make sense of it all. All I know is that I had to suppress a meltdown that was threatening to happen after he told me all of these things and I just couldn't wait to get out of there.
Maybe doctors should think about the fact that we may be willing to come ask them for help more often if they didnāt treat us like shit.



















