imagine u meet louis de pointe du lac at the club and u offer him a sip of ur white monster and he says No thanks I already have one of those

they want you to make fried rice

who is "they"

the wok left

how am I supposed to make fried rice if the wok left

skillet issue

drawings are secretly the enemy because they start off very nice and unassuming but then when they're about 80% done they start emanating a malevolent aura that makes finishing them the scariest activity you can imagine

i didn’t know perez hilton was a stage name that he purposefully modelled after paris hilton’s real name i thought she just organically had an evil gay wario or something

sorry i accidentally called you "my victim" when someone asked about our relationship status. it will happen again.

i'm not sure if anyone else has ever fucked up the spelling of "jealous" more than dj khaled did that one time

lost all my bart coin nedless to say im gonna marge into oncoming traffic