Hibiki the Bunny Boy--MOVED

And the Shining One... Is supposed to be able to form limitless bonds, right? 

Yet in my time here I have constantly, and inadvertently, caused Hibiki's  bonds to be shattered. Whether it's through my own stubbornness, my pride, or my cowardice and need to be reassured by people that I won't be forgotten or replaced. It's childish of me but...after thinking about why it's been so hard for me to write stuff for Hibiki, the only conclusion I can come to is that I'm childishly afraid of losing people and that makes it hard for me to channel him when he was willing to be forgotten by the people who he thought of as family in order for the restoration of Earth.

My muse is...unhappy with me and honestly it's right of him to be. I'm angry with myself because I believe it to be best to not talk to people when I'm upset and that turns out to be the worst possible option. And yet I still repeat the cycle over and over. Like insanity. 

....I don't know if any of the people I've pushed away or lost due to my own failings will read this or even care but... I'm so sorry. I do want to be a good person. It's what I've always wanted to be ever since I was a child and watched Sailor Moon. But... I don't have the ability or knowledge on how to be one. I'm easily angered. I get jealous and scared when I think people prefer others to me. I cry a lot. And sometimes I lash out when angry and scared and hurt. ...And I know it's wrong but... my instinct is to keep from getting hurt and I hate that I've been conditioned to hurt others before getting hurt myself. My old tae kwon do instructor would be so ashamed of me if he could see me now and I've accepted that. 

I want to change. I want to be worthy of writing my most precious muse again. But now...I don't know if I'll ever be worthy of him again. And I'm so, so, so very sorry. 

To everyone...