with love

everyone truly does leave

insane how people can be so oblivious

today i’m thinking about the man in the warehouse- the one with all the cigarettes. he had a big rug in his office and he gave us twenty bucks for a cab. that was my second time in a taxi, the first was in manhattan in the summer of 2009. i think about how fast the price went up both times, as if it was going to explode and start smoking all over the place or something. once i was on my way to a museum with my family and right before that i bought one of those “i love ny” shirts. it was purple. the next time, i was going nowhere, just anywhere but there. we could have gone anywhere and met anyone, but instead we ran into a man whose name i will never remember. maybe he didn’t even give it to us in the first place. he did give us cigarettes though; i think they were the last ones i ever had. the first touch of human compassion i thought i had experienced in weeks. i ran faster than i ever had that day. i think that in many ways, my life truly depended on it.

such a big feeling to feel so small

thinking about losing my mind

i will never allow myself to have feelings like this again

finally tired of letting people treat me like shit! who would have ever thought this would happen

it feels like things are constantly getting worse and i’m trying to force myself to be okay but it’s not working. wish i could just feel numb again even if it’s only for a while