PoutyHugs

You just haven’t told Seungcheol yet.

He knows something is up. In fact, he knew before you did. He bent over to where you were curled in your reading chair in the home library, put his nose right to your neck and inhaled deeply, a small furrow between his eyebrows, declaring that something about your scent is different.

“It can’t be my heat.” You had mumbled, too engrossed in your book to really pay attention to what your alpha was saying. “I had one less than three weeks ago.”

You hear him hum. “It’s not your heat. But something is definitely up.”

He never really figured out what exactly the difference was. He liked it though, said it made you smell sweeter, so he didn’t seem too bothered by it. It was only when you were complaining to Chan about the smell of eggs over breakfast that he gave you a weird look and made a quip that froze you where you sat.

“I think you might be pregnant.”

There’s no boundaries between you and Chan at this point. You have known him for over six years after all. And he is the one primarily looking after your health, so nothing is too much information for him. He had bought pregnancy tests that very afternoon, while Seungcheol was still at the office, and confirmed that you were, in fact, carrying his pups.

That was a week ago.

You’re standing on the patio of Seungcheol’s Busan beach house and watching the waves now, breathing in the smell to try and ease the disgusting feeling in your chest a bit. Somehow, knowing you are pregnant made all your symptoms worse. Chan says it has something to do with being conscious about every change in your body now. The bottom line is, you can’t hide it from Seungcheol anymore.

You don’t want to. You know he will be thrilled. You’ve talked about this before. You both want this. But this Busan trip is crucial. If this deal goes through, his business is going to flourish in a way it hadn’t ever since he was a child.

For the last five years, Seungcheol has worked tirelessly to return his empire to its former glory. Too much had been taken from him in a short time by infiltrators that threatened his work. But all that is gone now, done and dusted, and if this deal he has been working on gets signed, it will usher in a new era of prosperity that might push your family to heights they have never achieved before.

For the last few weeks, Seungcheol has been spending more and more time at the office with Seungkwan, trying to smooth everything out the best that they can. Around a year ago, Jeonghan moved permanently to Busan to oversee everything more closely alongside Wonwoo. Having him there meant that things began to run even smoother under his watchful eye, and he was able to expedite their foreign smuggling trade to unprecedented limits. Yesterday, you and your friends came up from Seoul to finalise the last bits of the deal. Seungcheol dropped you and Chan at the house, while he, Mingyu and Seungkwan headed to Gamcheon Port.

You look down at the watch on your wrist. They should be heading back by now. The sun is setting. Inside the house behind you, you can hear Chan putter around, getting things ready for the barbecue Mingyu had planned with everyone for tonight. You wanted to help, but the smell of raw meat immediately sent you hurtling to the sink, where you proceeded to vomit your guts out. After that, Chan had shooed you out, saying he will take care of it.

“Really think you should tell Seungcheol, though.” He pursed his lips. “If you don’t eat the meat tonight he will definitely know you're not okay.”

You had hummed and nodded. “I know. I’m planning on telling him. I just want the deal to be done so he can relax.”

You’re broken from your thoughts when you hear a car pulling up all the way at the back of the house. There’s doors slamming, another car pulling up, more doors, more chatter. You turn and watch through the glass doors as all your friends pour into the kitchen. But your eyes are drawn to your alpha, as they often are in crowded rooms, and it seems his are the same. He scans the kitchen before spotting you through the glass, an immediate smile taking over his face. You can’t help but return it, watching him lumber over to you. He slides the doors open and shut, muffling the excited voices of everyone else, before wrapping his arms around your waist from behind. You relax as his scent washes over you, immediately chasing away the sick feeling you had for the last hour. Somehow, his scent has become the one remedy to all your pregnancy aches and pains.

Cinnamon and oak trumps sea salt, after all.

“How did it go?” You bump your head lightly against the side of his. He hums into your neck, tongue poking out to lick over your mark. You relax more, letting him support your body weight as you lean heavily on him. He doesn’t mind.

“Great. Way better than any of us expected.”

You smile, relieved. “Is that why all the guys are being so obnoxiously loud?”

You can feel his laugh against your back. “They’re celebrating, my love.”

You hum and pout a little. The wind blows through your clothes as you both slightly sway in it, basking in each other’s presence. There couldn’t be a more perfect time, you know this.

“Seungcheol?”

“Hm.”

“I’m pregnant.”

“I know.”

A deep calm washes over you. Not shock, not confusion. Just this feeling of realisation. You have been waiting all week to tell him this. You’ve been hiding your symptoms so well…..

Or have you?

Seungcheol would wake up to the sound of his alarm every day for the last week, shutting it off before turning to you. His hand would find your bare lower back, running over it slowly before digging in a little deeper. You would sigh, relieved, considering yourself lucky that he was massaging the one spot on your body that ached the most.

You never questioned it, because Seungcheol was always touchy in random places like that.

He scented you before every meal. Again, his natural clingy nature led you to believe he was just….. doing that. No reason. But maybe that’s why the meal afterward wouldn’t make you as nauseous as it would otherwise. He spotted you outside just now, found you, and the first thing he did was put his tongue on your scent gland, wiping away the unease in your chest.

Damn.

You let out a breathy laugh. “You knew all along.”

He hums. “Told Chan to get you pregnancy tests. Didn’t expect you to hide it from me, baby.”

You sigh and turn in his arms, which he loosens just enough to let you. His eyes are bright and soft, crinkling just at the corners. There’s a small smile playing on his face, his dimple indenting the otherwise smooth expanse of his cheek. He isn’t mad. He’s never mad, not at you.

“I’m sorry.” You mumble, tracing his jaw with your thumb. “I didn’t want to stress you when you already had so much on your plate.”

He bumps his forehead affectionately to yours. “Why would this stress me? In fact, this was the ray of light that got me through the last couple of weeks.”

You can’t help the smile that stretches across your face, joyous and giddy. His arms wrap reassuredly around you, and finally, he puts his lips on yours in a kiss so sweet but firm that it makes your head spin. You hum into him, pressing your palm flat to his chest so you can feel the steady beat of his heart. He kisses you until you’re breathless, until you taste exactly like him. You wish he would never pull away.

“I love you so much.” He whispers into your lips. You repeat his words back to him.

Dinner is busy and chaotic, as it often is when all your friends get together. The barbecued meat doesn’t make you feel sick, surprisingly. In fact, your stomach growls loudly, so Seungcheol piles more and more of it on your plate every time he finds it even partly empty. You don’t complain, letting him coddle you and feed you to his heart’s content. He’s always had a problem with you not eating enough. Thankfully, pregnancy has increased your appetite tenfold. And he loves that.

Seungkwan is the life of the party, as always, telling you all about the deal and new people they met in amazing detail, which you appreciate as someone who wasn’t there. Mingyu keeps grilling meat as he eats, as well as popping a piece into his omega’s mouth every now and then so he can stop talking for a second and actually eat. Jeonghan decides to make Ramyeon while Wonwoo looks over his shoulder, their backs to you. Your eyes, sharp as ever, watch as Wonwoo places a hand right on the small of Jeonghan’s back before quickly pulling away. Jeonghan nudges Wonwoo’s hips with his own when he thinks no one is looking. But you are. You always are. You developed a habit of keeping an eye on Jeonghan, just like he used to do with you when he was still in Seoul. Turns out, omegas can be just as protective over those they consider their loved ones. And you are fiercely protective over him, considering the hell he has gone through.

You try to stifle your smile as you spot the shift in their body language. Something definitely happened when Jeonghan moved down here. Maybe it’s because Wonwoo was there that night. The night Jeonghan found Jisoo. Maybe Wonwoo understood in a way no one else did. You don’t know the reasons. And you’re really not looking for them anyway.

When you nudge Seungcheol and point your friends out, he only smirks and nods. If Jeonghan and Wonwoo want to keep their relationship a secret, that’s fine. It is a little unconventional, two alphas, but Jeonghan has always been an unconventional guy. You can understand why he is hesitant though. He can come to both of you on his own time. It took many years to get where he is today. As long as he is happy, he can take as much time as he needs.

You find Chan later when he’s doing the dishes, giving him a hard poke on his side that almost makes him drop his plate.

“You’re one hell of an actor.” You quip. “Lying straight to my face about Seungcheol knowing.”

He grins proudly in a way that makes you laugh.

“I’m surprised you thought he wouldn’t know. He’s your alpha. He smelled it immediately. And even if he didn’t know exactly what it was at first, he put it together pretty quickly afterwards.”

You sigh, leaning on the counter and watching the table where everyone is still crowded, sharing drinks and cigarettes. Seungcheol nurses only a glass of whiskey, no light. He hasn’t touched a cigarette since that one evening all those years back when you said you didn’t like it, that it made him smell different.

That was ages ago.

Later that night, you beg him to take you, and he does, despite your friends being in the neighboring rooms. You don’t really care, not when he pumps slowly and deeply into you, his mouth on yours muffling all your whines and inhaling your sighs. He whispers promises to you, never empty, because there is not one promise Seungcheol has made to you that he has broken. He talks of your future children now, how he can’t wait to see you slowly get round with his pups, how he can’t wait to have a family with you that he can love and protect just as much as he loves and protects you. He licks your tears away, but there is no sadness there. Only contentment. Only love.

He goes slow, afraid he will hurt you, and slowly, just like that, your orgasms crest, your nails digging into the wide expanse of his bare back, his weight and warmth over you grounding you sweetly. When he kisses you, it’s soft and intense, and it speaks volumes of your value in your alpha’s life. You feel that same buzz of happiness, of peaceful bliss, that you have felt abundantly for the last half decade. For so long, there was only fear, but now, there’s more, a profound joy that encompasses the fear and extinguishes it.

You are afraid of many things, but not the abyss of his love. That depth feels like home.

sfw section

his hair would be so extremely thick, and it actually gets e v e r y w h e r e because he’s constantly brushing and combing it, making sure it’s completely knotless and flawless. sea otters do have 100,000 hairs per square inch of their body, after all, spending up to half of their day grooming themselves.

he’s actually got his own drawer in the bathroom dedicated to his grooming supplies, and he loves when you help him out and brush/wash his hair. he also only trusts you to cut it because there’s just. so. much. and he freaks out at the barber’s shop

imagine the two of you own a house with a pool in the backyard. he is constantly floating on his back, swimming laps, hanging out in the water. sometimes he gets bored, though, so you have about a billion and one pool toys to enrich him. (you’re also legally required to play with him AT LEAST three times a week)

even though he’s not in the freezing ocean, it’s simply his instinct to bundle up with ten different blankets at night before going to sleep. and every. single. time. he wakes up in the middle of the night to toss them onto the floor, only leaving one or two. he does this every single night, and you’ve given up on telling him to knock it off, accepting the fact that he might accidentally kill you from overheating one day

on top of sleeping with ten blankets, he has to hold onto you while he sleeps. it’s simply sea otter nature — he must be holding onto a part of you at all times. unfortunately for you though, that means chan is spooning you, sharing his body heat while you’re already dying under so many blankets

occasionally you’ll find him on the floor, rolling around, wrapped in — not just blankets, but wet blankets. he claims he does it to simulate the kelp beds back in the ocean, but he’s actively deteriorating your hardwood floors. you’d rather buy kelp and have him turn your swimming pool into a soup.

he is also always tired — he naps multiple times a day, and occasionally you’ll find him sprawled out on the floor on his back, arms covering his eyes to block out sunlight (you have about a million pictures of chan in this pose)

most times he’ll whine for you to nap with him, because his poor little otter brain gets anxious when you’re not sleeping next to him. you’ll eventually work out a compromise — if you’re doing work at home, his head is on your lap, or he’s snuggled into your side

sometimes, he goes out and you don’t see him for the entire day — but when he comes back? he’s got multiple bags full of fish, shrimp, and scallops that HE caught. and you’re just like: ??? not again… his clothes are damp and he’s got sea salt in his hair — you sigh, knowing he’s going to ask you to help him rinse all the salt from his hair. he’ll smile as you scold him, dragging him to the bathroom to have his head bent over the tub

you have to keep an extra full-sized freezer to store all of his sea food. and it’s almost always running low. sea otters eat up to a third of their body weight a day, and since chan is human-sized, it’s near-impossible to keep up with his diet (and it’s extremely expensive). most of the time he’ll eat whatever you cook him, but he’s always still hungry.

contrary to popular belief, sushi angers chan. he doesn’t understand consuming such small quantities of fish per bite. the first and last time you went out for sushi with chan, he asked for three whole fish and you nearly dragged him out right then and there. despite having lived on land for years now, his half-otter brain still doesn’t understand the concept of eating little raw seafood. god forbid you offer him shrimp scampi

what chan does love, though, is a good seafood boil. he can and will eat an entire bag by himself, though, so it can be difficult to figure out how much to order. even though he doesn’t prefer his seafood cooked, who is he to turn down an absolute feast, seasoned to human perfection. it satisfies both his otter and human cravings

sea otter chan is a complete lover boy!! he will make you pearl jewelry from pearls that he harvested and he loves to see you wear it. whenever somebody compliments your jewelry, he doesn’t hesitate to say that he made it and his heart flutters when he watches your shy smile when you confirm it <3

nsfw section!

sometimes chan forgets just how strong his jaw is, and there’s been numerous occasions where he accidentally bites your lip or shoulder just a tad too hard, drawing blood. you have a couple scars from him on your body, but you don’t mind it — it shows that you’re all his. however, chan feels absolutely awful about it, doing anything he can to make it up to you

chan’s ancestors spent day and night swimming and hunting in the pacific ocean, so his stamina in bed is actually insane. even during your ovulation phase when your libido is peaking, it’s exhausting to keep up with him. and he knows this — he always jerks off once or twice before actually fucking you so that way you’re both on the same level. despite this, you’re always tapping out before him

he is so extremely vocal in bed — moans, whines, and squeaks shamelessly escape his mouth when you’re riding him or sucking him off. he’s constantly blabbering about how good you feel or how good you are to him, head tossed back, hair sticking to his sweaty forehead.

otter hybrid!chan totally has a breeding kink, and you can’t convince me otherwise. he’s always babbling about you having his pups — even though they’d only be a quarter otter, you don’t dare to disrupt his thoughts. it’s not like you can, anyways. not with the way he snaps his hips into yours

speaking of, his hips are extremely flexible and the muscles are naturally toned due to swimming in the harsh ocean. he knows this and believe me — he puts them to amazing use. he’s able to fold you and fuck you into positions you’d never be able to imagine in a life time, finding new ways to get you both off as he drills into you mercilessly

when he’s not as desperate and when the two of you have time, he doesn’t fuck — he makes love. he often wonders why he chooses to stay on land, and every time he sees you naked, he remembers why. he worships you like a god/goddess, littering kisses on every single inch of your body, touching and groping everything he can

being a lover boy translates to sexually intimacy in the most adorable way ever; he’s constantly telling you how much he loves you, especially when he cums, pouring out his heart to you mid/thrust and kissing you like his life depends on it

You felt it was entirely too much for you. As you stared at the grand estate with Joshua beside you, you could not fathom what someone like you would do with so much. Sure you indulged in many amenities in Zeus's palace, but even having half of those things to yourself just felt overwhelming.

“You don't like it?” You felt terrible as you met Joshua's big sparkling eyes. You didn't intend to make him feel bad.

“No, it's beautiful!” You immediately corrected. “I’m so grateful, you really didn't have to do all of this!”

“It's too much?” He raised a brow at you.

“No… I'm just one person you know?” You sighed. “I’ve spent a lot of time in these places and they grow quite lonely rather quickly.” You weren't eager to feel that way again.

“Well I hope you don't think me careless enough to do such a thing.” Joshua scoffed before giving you a sweet smile that revealed his true feelings. He gave the grand doors of the home a light tap causing them to glide open. It looked… normal. “I thought something homey would be more appropriate.”

You peeked inside, gawking at the comfortable decor. Still very luxurious, even from where you were standing, but in a well loved and well thought out way. It immediately drew you in.

You wandered through the entrance way, taking it all in. Hestia gave you the tour, showing you every splendid room and hall. The beautiful kitchen with a staff that would grant your every culinary desire. The gorgeous library filled with every book you could ever want. And it was yours. It was all yours.

Sure in the underworld, in every sense of the word, everything was yours. But you had a lot to do before calling it home. And of course, in Jeonghan's palace, you were merely a guest. But this place was specifically made for you.

“I love it, Joshua.” You held onto the god's arm as he led you to the last room.

“I'm so happy to hear that. I hope you like this last surprise as well.” He stopped in front of a large set of doors.

Joshua waved his hand and the doors opened revealing a cozy den. It was beautiful and matched the rest of the house perfectly, but something else entirely had caught your attention. An all too familiar ball of cotton leaped up from where she was lying on the couch and ran to your feet, barking with excitement.

You couldn't help the way tears began welling in your eyes as you kneeled down to take her in your arms. “Oh my god,” you gasped and looked to the god next to you, not sure if what you were seeing was real.

“I got word that your friend was making her return to the land of the living and thought you would like to see her again.” Joshua kneeled down next to you, his thumb grazing your cheek to wipe away the few stray tears. They were happy tears. “And I pulled a few strings so she completely remembers you.”

You blinked at him, completely at a loss for words. Kkuma was your baby. Yours and Seungcheol's baby, and you thought you would never see her again. But she was right there. Right in front of you. Much smaller and younger, yes. But it was her. And she was ecstatic to see you.

You held the puppy in one arm, the other reaching for Joshua and pulling him into a hug. “I cannot thank you enough. You've truly made this place feel like home,” you mumbled into his shoulder.

Joshua felt a sense of pride as he recipes the hug. He's been bringing comfort to people for millennia, but never had he felt he'd done a job as well as this. “It is my pleasure, ____.”

“You should stay for dinner.” You decided, pulling back slightly to look him in the eyes.

“I wouldn't want to intrude-”

“Nonsense!” You scoffed. Holding Kkuma up to your face, you began to consult her on your decision. “Shua has been so helpful, yeah? He should stay for dinner, yeah?” She barked cheerfully and you looked at the god as if her word was final.

“Well if Miss Kkuma is okay with it then I see no reason to decline.” Joshua took his finger and booped the puppy on the nose. Then he looked at you, eyes filled with a fiery warmth. “I'd love to join you, ____.”

-

One dinner turned into many dinners. Joshua's presence helped you forget that you were, in fact, living alone. So you continued to welcome him into your home every evening. You'd like it if he came around during the day as well, but you didn't want to seem desperate for a friend, even though you were very desperate for a friend.

Jeonghan also blessed you with his presence every now and again. He'd pop up at random times and just shower you with attention. It felt nice to be wanted, and Zeus was never shy when it came to telling or showing you. But alas, he could not be with you all the time either.

You spent most days outside with Kkuma. The land of gods had a lot of beautiful scenery to offer, and you loved walking the gardens and watching the sunrise. And when the day ended you would stare at the stars. You hadn't noticed how much you had missed the night sky, thinking it much too dark to wish for in your situation. But you were wrong. The beautiful, darky blue, velvet sky adorned by diamonds sparkling like no other. It was such a gorgeous sight.

At some point you got up the nerve to ask Joshua to join you on a walk. It was after dinner one night, and you were encouraged by a glass of wine or two. He happily agreed to walk through the gardens with you.

The moment you stepped outside you were immediately refreshed by the night air. You were carrying Kkuma in your arms but you put her down to let her play in the flowers. You'd think the gardens would be too dark to see anything but it was quite the opposite. You weren't sure what the small little bulbs of golden light that floated around were, but you thought they might be coming from some of the plants.

“I've been trying to memorize the paths, but I still get lost sometimes.” You mumbled as you picked a few flowers that you thought would look pretty inside.

“Should I have made signs?” Joshua chuckled. Word got around that you loved flowers so he made the gardens rather big. Maybe too big?

“No, I'm figuring it out.” You gathered a handful of lilacs. “It's much bigger than Seungcheol's garden was; Demeter had to change the flowers around a lot so I wouldn't get bored. But it's nowhere near as massive as Jeonghan's. If I ever went in there alone I'd get lost without any hope of returning.”

“This is just right then?”

“Mhm.” You were still very impressed by the thought put into making your home. You wished that you could do something for him in return. “Everything is perfect.” You started down the path, following the sound of Kkuma barking. “She likes the garden too.” You pointed to the puppy rolling in the flowers.

“Miss Kkuma also likes flowers?” Joshua kneeled down to pet her. Her soft fur felt like a cloud between his fingers.

“The entire family it seems.” You say next to where Kkuma had flattened a patch of flowers. “Cheol wasn't much good at making crowns but he always tried to make ones for me. But they never lived to see the top of my head.”

“I never thought of him as a flower guy… but then again, he was awful fond of Hao.” Joshua thought about it. He knew Hades wasn't just some grouchy lurking in the shadows, Demeter had made that much very clear to him a long time ago. But still…

“He loved cute things!” Everyone seemed to lack this information, but you were happy to spread it. “He personally picked out Kkuma, you know? He called her our daughter and he liked to dress her up in cute ribbons and put flowers in her hair.”

“Really?” Joshua found the thought of big ole Seungcheol sitting with such a pretty puppy in his lap while he tied ribbons in her hair amusing. He would've never guessed that that was how the god of death was spending his free time. “I would've never known.”

“Well none of you seem that great at communicating so I'm not surprised.” A small laugh slipped past your lips. “But I think I'd be a bad wife if I didn't talk about my Seungcheol.”

You were such a warm and loving person, Joshua couldn't fathom why you would want to be around any of them. Not that they wear bad people… but they weren't the most understanding group. You had more reason to dislike Seungcheol than anyone, yet you found the gentle man that he had hidden away, and loved him despite his flaws.

“I don't know how much it means from me, but I think you're wonderful. Seungcheol was very lucky.” He understood why Hades and Zeus were so enamored. He saw it at the wedding, everyone did, but getting to know you had further helped him understand. Somehow, in all his years of living, he had yet to meet someone as warm as you.

“Everyone says that.” Kkuma had ran through the many flowers and picked one between her teeth before bringing it to you. It was a hellebore. “But I think that I'm the lucky one. He loved me a lot, maybe too much.” You forced a laugh past the pit forming in your chest. Your eyes landed on Joshua, his eyes glimmering in the warm light. “I'm sorry. It must be tiring to hear me talk about this so much.”

“No!” Joshua looked appalled by the thought. “I could listen to you all day, no matter what it is you choose to talk about.”

Despite the god's assurance, there was still a pit in your chest. You didn't wish to think about it any longer. “Well I think I'm ready to go inside.”

Joshua was quick to his feet so that he could help you up. “Let's get you home then.” He smiled as he pulled you to your feet.

Kkuma also wanted uppies so Joshua lifted her in his arms and even pressed a soft kiss to her head. And he held your hand as the two of you walked back. You felt so calm when he was around, his presence so warm and comforting. But for whatever reason you could not completely enjoy the moment, that odd feeling sticking with you until he left.

-

“What… are you doing?”

You didn't bother turning around when the familiar voice addressed you. You had other concerns. Like the flour covering the counters, and floors, and… you. “I think I'm getting lazy.” Was all you said as you stared into the bowl that was supposed to be pie dough, but it was looking far more dubious than you would've liked.

“How so?” Joshua grimaced as he stood next to you. You had made such a mess. “And how does that relate to this?”

You let out a sigh, finally facing him with a pout on your lips. “I haven't had to do anything for myself in so long and I thought maybe I could bake something like my mama did on earth.”

The god of fire could not help but coo and cup your face in his hands. You looked adorable. Eyes glimmering with frustration, face covered in flour, lips jutting out. “What were you trying to make?” He glanced at the counter, unsure of what that could've possibly been.

“A fruit pie.”

“Really?” Oh goodness. “Well… I mean. I've seen worse.” Joshua had not seen worse, but you didn't need to know that. He looked around and found a bowl of warm water and a cloth for cleaning. He took the cloth, dipping it into the water, and began to wipe the flour from your face.

“You don't have to sugar coat it.” You huffed as you tried to take the cloth from him, insisting that you could do it yourself, but he refused. “I'm not a child, I don't need to be babied.”

“I know.” His hands were gentle and his voice was soft. “Just let me help you, okay?”

Joshua liked to help, it was another reason you felt you were growing spoiled. When he was around he always offered to do even the simplest tasks for you, marching off to complete them before you even had time to argue. You were starting to think that if he had it his way, you'd never lift a finger again.

When he was done wiping your face, he cleaned up the counters and threw away your odd concoction. “Okay, fruit pie.” He clapped his hands together for emphasis.

“You know how to bake?” You leaned close to him to watch him.

“Mhm. As long as I've been around it'd be a real shame if I hadn't picked up a skill or two.” Joshua's hands worked with practiced ease as he combined the ingredients to make the dough.

“Helping means I still make it.” You narrowed your eyes at him.

“I'm just getting the hard part out of the way. You can start cutting up the fruit.” He smiled at you sweetly and you could not find it in you to argue with him.

Despite your complaints, you were happy to have his help. The pie dough actually looked like pie dough, and the whole thing came out ten times better than when you were doing it alone. Joshua also showed you how to properly make the dough, though you're not sure if you'll remember it.

“It's so pretty.” You stared at the pastry. You think that Joshua went overboard with making appealing to the eyes. “I don't think I can eat it.”

Joshua sighed, taking the knife from the counter and cutting into the pie anyways. You gasped in horror. “You absolutely can. We didn't do all of that to not eat it.”

Then he handed you a plate with a still very pretty piece of pie on it. “This feels like a crime.” You pouted.

“But I worked so hard, ____.” You would not listen to reason, but you would listen if he was sad. “Just say you hate it, I know it's the truth.”

You knew that as you stared into the god’s big sparkly eyes that he was fucking with you, but his pout still inclined you to give in. He did work hard. “Okay okay. I'll eat.”

It was the best pie you'd ever tasted. You didn't know what you were expecting seeing as it was literally made by the hands of a god, but wow.

“You should do this more, like all the time.” You mumbled as you chewed on your second slice. “Everyday even.”

Joshua was extremely proud of himself. Your praise had done quite a number on his ego. “As long as you're willing to eat it.” He chuckled. “Gives me an excuse to be around more.”

“Is that possible?” Your brows furrowed in thought. “You're around a lot.”

“It's very possible.” He leaned closer to you. “If you wished it, I'd never leave.”

Your heart picked up its pace in your chest. You could only blink at him while you tried to keep yourself from becoming flustered. “Don’t you have work to do?” You turned away from him, unable to maintain eye contact. “You'd have to leave sometime.”

“It can wait.”

“Sureee.” You dared glance at him, the feeling of his eyes on you making you antsy.

There was a look in his eyes that you had yet to see grace his features, but you were starting to become quite familiar with. You considered it. The situation was growing quite similar to how things were while staying with Zeus. A somewhat married life without the actual title of marriage. It was fun. And a little bit of fun never hurt anyone.

Just then you heard barking from the hallway. Kkuma had scurried her way to the kitchen to find you. You kneeled down to pick her up, that odd feeling nudging at you once again. “You can do what you like, Shua.” You mumbled, pressing a kiss to Kkuma’s head. You no longer felt like having this conversation.

“Don't say that, I'll never leave.” He joked.

You only hummed in response.

-

True to his word, Joshua all but moved in with you. You really enjoyed his company. The feeling of companionship, the warmth of his body as cuddled you next to him with a book, the way he looked at you that made you feel hot. But then there was that feeling, that odd feeling. Every time you felt yourself falling into him, it pulled you right back and left you feeling awful. You tried to brush it away but it wouldn't budge. So your next best option was to ignore it.

You were lounging with a book in hand when something occurred to you. You thought you would have a lot more visitors by now. Every time you'd come into contact with the gods they all seemed so interested in getting your attention. So why hadn't anyone but Hestia come by? You asked him this.

“Oh… I don't think Jeonghan gave the all clear.” Joshua mumbled as he stirred a batter of some kind. What was he making today?

“What?” Your eyes widened. “Are you serious?” You wanted to say you couldn't believe it, but that was far from true.

“Calm down, he wasn't trying to lock you away. He just wanted to give you some time to get acclimated.” He smiled and gave you a reassuring look. “I think he's forgotten at this point.”

“Well now I am perfectly acclimated, and am getting bored.” You huffed.

“Is my company so underwhelming?” Joshua teased.

You let out a scoff. “God forbid a girl wants friends.”

“And you shall have many. Alll they do is ask about you.”

That was what you wanted to hear. You think that the ugly feeling in your chest was just due to the lack of people around, this should solve it. “They ask about me?” Your voice is giddy.

“Oh yes.” Josh finally set down the bowl, happy with the consistency. “They're just dying to get their hands on you.” He picked up the spoon he was stirring with, dipping his finger into the batter before tasting it.

“You're making it sound perverted.” You sputtered, your face heating up.

“Most of us are. Take it as a warning.”

You watched as he took another taste of the batter, licking the thick substance off his finger. “Does it taste good?” You changed the topic.

Joshua blinked. “Mhm.” He lifted the spoon, offering to let you taste. “It's sweet. Almost as sweet as you.” He smiled.

You rolled your eyes at his cheesy line. “Spare me,” you muttered as you scooped up some batter and popped a finger in your mouth. You hummed at the taste. “It is good.”

“I know. Only the best for you.” He winked at you.

-

When Jeonghan visited again, you made a point to get him to give everyone the all clear.

“Oh shit… I had forgotten about that.” The god mumbled.

You were getting ready to sleep when you heard the familiar crash that always signaled Zeus’s appearance. You did bother going to greet him, he would find you with ease. And the moment he barged into your bedroom, he fell across your lap, asking to sleep in your bed like he was some kind of startled child. And now he was cuddled up next to you, chuckling at his forgetfulness.

“I was wondering why I'd had no visitors when Hestia informed me they were still too afraid to even send me a letter.” You sighed as you pet Kkuma who was curled up in your lap.

“Well I did say I'd kill them if they didn't leave you alone.”

“That's terrible!” You gasped. “Why would you threaten that!?”

“Not many things can scare a god, angele mou. I was just guaranteeing your privacy.” Jeonghan pressed his face to yours, his nose nudging your cheek. “I never intended to harm anyone.” He assured you.

You sighed as you leaned into him. “I believe you.”

“First thing tomorrow I shall let everyone know that you are welcoming visitors, yeah?” He pressed a kiss to your shoulder. “But I warn you again, they are a lot.”

“Don't make me nervous.” You scrunched your nose. What does “a lot” mean? They were rather rowdy at the wedding, but no one did anything crazy. Even with all the staring at the funeral, as curious as they all were, no one really bothered you. Or maybe they didn't get the chance? You left quite early. “They can't be that bad, right?”

“Oh no, I'm sorry. I'm sure they'll behave fine.” Jeonghan corrected. He didn't intend to actually make you anxious. “Their biggest issue is a lack of boundaries and even then you just have to keep your head high. If they understand nothing, they understand authority.”

“I don't have any authority?” Your brows pinched together.

“You're the queen of the underworld. As rough of a gig as it is, it's quite the seat of power.” Jeonghan suddenly scooched down the bed so that he could lay down, then reached for you so that you could do the same.

You obliged, laying your head on his shoulder after moving Kkuma to lie beside you. You'd forgotten about the whole queen thing… or more so… you'd intentionally ignored it. You weren't very keen on going back there. But if the title earned you some respect then perhaps you could flex it a bit.

“I could chaperone if that would bring you comfort.” Jeonghan offered, your silence worrying him a bit.

“No no, it's fine. I'm a grown woman, I can take care of myself.” You sighed. “Plus Shua will probably be around.”

“Oh I bet.” The king of gods chuckled. “He likes you a lot.” You could hear his voice growing softer as he drifted off to sleep.

“I know… I like him too.”

“You should tell him that.” He mumbled.

You should… but you felt so bad. This nagging feeling like you're doing something wrong. It wouldn't leave you alone. Even next to Jeonghoon, it refused to let you sleep.

-

You were thrilled when the first god arrived. A precious, cherub-like face greeted you when the doors to your estate swung open. You immediately recognized him from the wedding, though you didn't get to speak with him much.

“Miss ____!” Helios greeted you with a blinding smile.

“Helios!” You returned his energy.

“Please, dear, call me Seungkwan.” He held your hand and pressed a kiss to your cheek.

You felt excitement bubble in your chest. “It's nice to see you, Seungkwan.” You beamed.

Before long, there was an entire gathering of gods in your home. You hadn’t expected so many to show up at once, but there were, in the midst of a small party with every god in the room hoping to catch your attention. You felt giddy. One would think that all the attention would overwhelm you, but not today. Today you are basking in it.

You felt so comfortable swaying to the music with Joshua’s hand wrapped around your waist as you spoke to your guests. This is what you've been missing. Socialization. Companionship. You are no longer trapped with limited people to interact with. You could do what you wanted, go where you wanted. You could talk to whoever you wanted and be with whoever your heart desired.

Well… putting it that way sounded wrong. The only things you packed before were freedom and friends. Very important things, yes, but Seungcheol was a good partner. He gave everything for you, what more could you possibly ask for?

You felt your stomach twist as your mind wandered. Maybe don't think about that.

“Glykia mou, you're glowing.” Joshua sang, pressing a kiss to your jaw.

He was such an angel, and he made you feel all warm inside. Truly a comforting presence beyond anything you knew was possible.

“What do you mean?” You couldn't help the way your lips curled upwards as you looked at him, your fingers reaching out to gently tracing his soft features.

“You just look so happy.” Joshua's eyes glittered as he looked at you. “I love seeing you like this.”

“Maybe we should have a party every night?” He was mostly joking, but if meant seeing you like this all of the time, he would make it so.

Your face felt warm. His gaze made you feel so seen. Maybe too seen. Your brain felt fuzzy when you thought about how bare you felt when he was looking at you. From the shift in your posture, to the glint in your eye, he always knew what you needed. Even when your mind shifted to more negative things. He never pried for your sake, but he always offered a distraction. You preferred distraction.

“I shouldn't take Mingyu’s schtick.” You giggled, remembering to sip the wine in your cup.

“I don't think Mingyu would mind.” Joshua glanced at the god of festivities who was lounging as he told a story that everyone had heard before, but a few people still listened and laughed with him. “Or you could just go to one of his.”

“I hear there's nothing like a Dionysus party.”

Joshua hummed in agreement. “You'll never want it to end.”

“I don't want this to end.” You leaned your head on his shoulder.

Then you heard someone call your name and a pretty head of brown curls appeared in front of you.

“You've been stuck to Joshua all day.” Eros pouted. “I thought you wanted to spend time with us?”

You couldn't help but smile at the god of love. “I am so sorry, Seokmin. I'm just getting used to all this.” You indulged his need for attention, stepping away from Joshua and holding the younger god's hand.

“Good luck separating them, they're practically a couple now.” Aphrodite approached with Helios, a hand on his hip as he scoffs.

The left that left you was strained. “Couple? Me?” Now why would you do that? And it hasn't been that long since Seungcheol passed, what kind of wife would you be if you moved on so quickly? But you haven't been that loyal either. “No, not me.” You smiled despite the guilt weighing on your shoulders. Maybe you were a bad wife.

“Hestia spends all his days with you, what are we supposed to believe?” Seungkwan tilted his head, a playful smirk on his lips.

“Well maybe she's making her rounds?” Seokmin tapped his chin in thought. “Such a beautiful woman could never be limited to just one suitor.”

“That is true…” you heard the rare compliment from Chan's lips.

“Why don't one of you get me some more wine and I will join you shortly, yeah?” You successfully changed the subject, Eros taking your cup as Helios followed him insisting that he would do it. Chan’s gaze lingered on you before turning to join the two.

Your mind immediately drifted as you watched the three walk away, completely forgetting that Joshua wasn't even a foot behind you. You could finally put a name to that icky feeling in your chest. You felt sick.

“Are you okay?” A hand on your shoulder broke you out of your thoughts. “I know they're a lot, but they mean well.” Joshua offered a smile, assuming you were overwhelmed by the interaction. “If you need a moment we can step outside?”

The warm feeling returned, numbing the pain in your chest. “No,” you reached for his hand, “I'm fine.” You smiled genuinely. You couldn't think about those things. Even if you had to choke the thoughts down, you would not let them weigh on you. You lifted his hand and pressed a kiss to his knuckles. “Thank you, Shua.”

And once again, you could tell that he could see right through you. But he only pulled you closer, leaning his forehead against your temple. “Whatever you say, glykia mou. But you can tell me if there is something bothering you, okay?”

“I know.” You melted into him, mentally preparing yourself to properly join the party.

-

Hestia spent a lot of time on earth blessing homes for families, and of course his work took him across the globe, so he thought there'd be a few sights that you would like to see. You eagerly accepted. You thoroughly enjoyed traveling with Jeonghan and there were so many places you had yet to see.

You traveled to many places in one day. You saw such beautiful architecture in Egypt, and land so cold you didn't think that people lived there. Homes made in tents by nomads, or by those who just preferred to live closer to nature. You witnessed many different forms of shelter, but all of them were homes in their own right. They provided warmth to families and kept them together, and that was all there was to it.

You think that you learned a lot, and you thought it was wonderful that everyone found happiness in different ways of life, that no matter what they always had love and companionship. You think that you had that with Seungcheol. Even in the castle that was more of a prison than anything, you found love. You found home.

There was one more stop on Joshua's list. It was dark outside of where you had arrived, the only light being the stars and the many candles illuminating the large house. There was a celebration of some kind going on, and when you peeked inside, you understood the commotion.

“They just married,” Joshua voiced your thoughts aloud. He leaned over you where you had crouched by the cracked door, peering inside to see a party that didn't look like it would end any time soon. “Their families sent a lot of offerings, new couples always need a bit more help keeping the home peaceful.”

“They look happy,” you muttered absentmindedly. You wondered how you looked on your wedding day. Did you glow like they did? Did Seuncheol look that happy? He had long decided his fate by that time, but he didn't seem bothered in the slightest. Or maybe you were too in your own head to notice. No. You can't do that. That's not fair.

Joshua noticed the shaky breath you let out while he prayed over the home. He thinks he made a mistake. The last wedding you experienced was yours, and then shortly after, your husband died. He should've taken you back after the last home.

“I've been thoughtless,” he said. “I’m sorry if I've upset you.”

“No I-” you weren't sure what to say, you cursed yourself for being so obvious. “It's fine. I'm fine.” You tried to assure him, but he wasn't convinced. But still, he didn't pry.

“Well I'm done here, so we can head home.” He smiled at you with pity in his eyes. You didn't like that. The other gods seem to have completely forgotten about your horrible loss, looking at you with only their own desires in mind. You preferred that. It was much needed than being looked at as some poor widow. But unfortunately, Joshua held far too much sympathy in his heart to ever forget your grief.

But you ignored the feelings that continued to boil in your stomach. When you got home, you had a meal, and let a few glasses of wine ease your thoughts. Many hours later, when the tension had long left your bones, you found yourself clinging to Joshua more than usual. You'd always been interested in him, but something always kept you from doing something about it. And he wasn't nearly as blunt as Jeonghan so you couldn't just follow his lead either. But the liquid courage in your system was helping you out a good deal tonight.

“It's rather late, maybe it's time I leave.” Joshua sighed, a hand running over your head. He had no intention of leaving, not when your head was leaned against his chest as you hummed a sweet song that your mother used to sing. He just wanted to get a reaction out of you, and you did not disappoint.

“Nooo.” You pouted, lifting your head to see the smirk on his lips. “You should stay.”

“No?” He tilted his head to the side. “You sure?”

“Don't tease me, Joshua.” You sat up slightly, opting to lean over him and planting your hands on the arm of the sofa.

Joshua was surprised by how assertive you were being, but he had no complaints. He was very excited to see where this was going.

“I'm not teasing. I'm just wondering if you really want me here.” His hand drifted up your arm, his other finding your waist and guiding you closer.

“What kind of question is that? Isn't it obvious?” You huffed. You were not in the mood for his games. You leaned in, your lips just a breath away from his when he stopped you.

“I want you to say it.” He whispered.

Your face grew warm at the request. You had half a mind to scoff and tell him to fuck off, but that would be counter productive. Your hands slid over his shoulders, your fingers tugging at his robes.

“I…” You let out a sigh.

“Don't get shy now.” His eyes glimmered with amusement.

“Oh hush!” You slapped his shoulder. “I want you, Joshua. Is that what you wish to hear?” You huffed out.

His only response was to smile and close the gap between the two of you. His lips were warm, just as everything else about him was. You tilted your head, deepening the kiss. Joshua let you lead, his body relaxing as he sunk further into the sofa. His lips parted, allowing your tongue to dip into his mouth.

Your body was warm and buzzing with excitement. You want nothing more than to yank his clothing off and get a proper look at him. Your fingers crept to the clasps on his shoulders, and just as you were about to undo them, you heard the pitched bark of the little fluffball that roamed your estate.

Kkuma all but threw herself at the sofa, her two front paws hitting the cushions to obtain your attention. At first, you had just barely pulled away from Joshua, not eager to separate from him. But the longer you looked at your sweet baby, your daughter, the more you felt your stomach sink.

What… were you doing? Why were you so eager to get attention from another man? It wasn't fair. Seungcheol gave his life for you and the moment you gained your freedom you ran into someone else's arms. He didn't deserve that. No, he deserved much better than you. You couldn't even give him the loyalty that you promised him.

You felt sick.

Joshua noticed the way you were pulling away from him, concern painting his features. “Are you okay, glykia mou?”

He reached for you, his fingers grazing your arm causing you to yank it away violently. You could barely process the startled look on his face before tears started welling in your eyes. Every feeling you had managed to shove down had burst to the surface. All the guilt and grief. It was growing around you, constricting and squeezing until it was hard to breathe.

You clambered to get off the sofa, unable to be next to Joshua any longer. You ignored him calling your name, and you ignored Kkuma biting at your clothing. You ran outside hoping that the fresh air would allow you to breathe, but it did you no good. You stumbled into the seemingly endless gardens, your brain pounding against your skull and your heart constricting in your chest, until you fell into a bed of flowers.

You didn't register the footsteps that followed you outside, nor did you notice when the flowers rustled beside you.

“____?” Joshua reached out but didn't touch you, weary of how you would react.

Hearing the concern in his voice only made you feel worse. “I'm sorry.” You gasped out. “I'm so sorry.” You didn't know if you were apologizing to him, Seungcheol, or both.

“It's okay.” Joshua's voice was soft and placating, in complete contrast to your ragged cries. “You don't have to do anything you don't want to. I understand.”

“That's the problem!” You rubbed at your eyes in an attempt to stop the tears. It was futile. Joshua was confused by what you meant, but he let you continue. “Cheolie gave his life and this is what I do with my freedom!?” You sobbed. "This life was supposed to be ours! I'm supposed to be his wife!”

You continued to cry, the tears not stopping anytime soon. And you allowed Joshua to give you the comfort that you so desperately needed, his arms wrapping around you and holding you close as he whispered promises that everything would be okay.

At some point the crying did stop, but your mind never once halted its berating. “He should be alive… and it's my fault that he's gone.” Your voice was quiet and dry, but the god who held you could hear every bit of pain that plagued you.

“Oh sweetheart, no.” He held your face, pulling back slightly so that you could look at him. “You shouldn't think that way.”

“But it's true-”

“No it's not” He scolded, his voice stern. “Seungcheol was perfectly capable of making his own decisions. And I would never speak ill of a dead man, but all actions have consequences, and he did what he had to do to set things right.”

“But I chose to stay.” It was no secret to anyone that Seungcheol had snatched you up, effectively trapping you in the underworld. But the only thing truly keeping you there was your refusal to let someone take your place.

“And he chose to die.” It was harsh, but it was the truth. You couldn't live your life with this guilt plaguing you. “He chose your life over his so that you would be happier. Are you not happier?”

It pained you to admit it, but you were. You were much happier.

Joshua didn't need an answer, he already knew. “So his death was not in vain. You are living a life that brings you joy, and that was all he wanted.”

“I don't feel like I deserve it.” Your voice was weak. “I didn't deserve him.”

“I've seen many relationships and marriages in my time. I've seen them bloom and thrive, and I've seen them wilt and die.” Joshua sighed. He's gotten whiplash with how quickly he's witnessed these things go south. “You'd be surprised by the amount of lovers who can't stand one another. They cheat and steal from each other, some of them are even driven to take the other's life. Love is a horrible thing, and it's even worse when it isn't genuine. It breaks hearts and it brings out the absolute worst in people.”

The sudden shift in his words shocked you out of your pity party. “Are you not trying to make me feel better?” Your brows furrowed.

Joshua chuckled before continuing. “It is a horrible thing. But it is also the most beautiful thing in the world. Because if it is real, it doesn't matter what it does to people, they will go back to each other, forgive each other and all their sins. They'll go from wanting to kill one another to being willing to die for each other.”

“I understand that you're rather new to love and what it does, but it's okay that you feel the way you do. It's only natural that you wish to take Seungcheol's place. But just as you would change things if you could, I promise you, he wouldn't have it any other way.”

His words were starting to get through. At the very least, you could actually hear them leaving his lips. This love was certainly breaking you into pieces, and as much as it hurt, you couldn’t find in yourself to be angry with Seungcheol for hurting you like this. You always found it difficult to hold anything against him

“How can you be sure?” You dared to entertain the thought that maybe you weren't to blame.

Joshua tilted his head from side to side in thought. “On your wedding day… I had never in my entire existence seen Hades so happy. The god who had been scorned so terribly that when love came banging at his door, he was unable to fully give himself out of fear and heartbreak. But he was like a completely different person with you. His hard shell had melted away, and I thought for the first time ever, that I was seeing the real him. And I could see that you loved him too. It moved me to tears how genuine you both were. And even now, I know you love him more than anything.”

“I know that these things take more than just a few words, but you really shouldn't do this to yourself. And you absolutely should not use Seungcheol's sacrifice to justify hurting yourself like this. You can grieve and mourn for as long as you'd like, but you cannot blame yourself.”

You sat for a moment, taking in the god's words. He spoke with kindness, but his voice carried a certainty that compelled you to believe every word from his lips. You knew in your heart that he wasn't wrong, he carried wisdom far beyond anything you could comprehend. And even when it came to a topic as mind twisting as love, he understood it a great deal.

Your gaze fell to the ground, the bright flowers surrounding you catching your eye. Pink carnations. Warm, comforting, and understanding. A strong, unmistakable presence that would never judge, even when you're at your lowest.

You looked back up at Joshua, your arms immediately moving to lace around his neck so that you could pull him into a tight hug. “Thank you.” You whispered.

“Of course, glykia mou.” His hands smoothed up and down your back. “I'm always here for you.”

-

And he was not lying when he said that.

Later, when you felt more like yourself, you practically jumped at him, ready to finish what you had started. He had zero complaints. You wanted him so badly that it felt as if you'd be stricken with a certain god's powers of lust. But you could not blame anyone but yourself for your carnal needs. And maybe Hestia for being so fucking gorgeous.

So fucking gorgeous that you had him pinned to the bed, his soft lips parted in pleasure as you stroked his cock. You longed to see that pretty face twist with pleasure, and at last, Joshua's satisfaction was at your hands. Literally.

“You are so lovely.” You pressed yourself closer to him, thoroughly enjoying the way his body was reacting to you.

Joshua’s eyelids fluttered, a soft groan escaping his lips when you applied pressure to his tip, a breathless laugh following shortly after. “It must especially be true coming from you.” His smile was dazed as his hand caressed your cheek.

You leaned down, your lips meeting his in a lustful union. You could've drawn this out for a while, but Joshua’s body was tensing more with each passing moment and his release was no more than a few strokes away. Eager to see the way he looked when he orgasmed, your hold on his twitching length grew a little tighter.

“You’ll cum for me?” Just the thought made you gush, unable to keep from grinding against the sheets.

Joshua could only nod and moan, the tension within him ready to snap. And as your tongue savoured his body, stopping at his pert nipple to wrap your lips around him, he gasped. A gasp that was part ragged moan, the air being ripped from his lungs as white hot ropes painted your bodies.

You felt breathless just looking at him. And so many things bolted through your mind as you took in the scene you had created. Being amongst gods who were constantly trying for your attention did irreversible damage to your ego, but nothing compared to the way you felt having one at your fingertips, panting and completely disheveled all because of you. This kind power undeniably made you feel drunk. And in moments like these, you felt like a god in your right.

You were brought back to reality when delicate hands pulled you closer by your hips, slender fingers slipping between your legs and dipping into your folds making a sigh leave your lips. Your body tensed and relaxed as he rubbed circles into your neglected clit, only to find yourself whining because he pulled his hand away far too soon for your liking. But your complaints died on your tongue when Joshua took his fingers into his mouth, humming at the taste of your arousal.

“Sweet,” he said. “As I thought.” His half lidded eyes glimmered as he looked up at you.

Oh goodness.

It was within seconds that you were lining yourself up with Joshua's long, slender cock, the two of you moaning at the sensation of him filling you. He groped your thighs and ass as your hips began to rock against his. You were moving slowly, testing the waters, but both of you wanted more.

Joshua wiggles his hips up to encourage you, along with a whiny “harder.”

So you let go of your last thread of rational thought, slamming your hips into him harder and faster. Your finger comb threw his hair, gripping the soft locks and shoving his face into the sheets. He bucked into you hard, making your vision go a little blurry. You lowered your face closer to his to whisper to him. “You like it rough?” You questioned, partially genuine, mostly taunting.

“Fuck yes!” He moaned.

His wish was your command. You pulled his hair tighter, your other hand gripping his sides to a bruising degree. At this rate it wasn't long before your body gave into the pleasure, coming undone as his tip slammed against that soft spot inside of you. You continued to grind against him until he was ready to pop, pulling off of him to feel his seed sticking to your ass and thighs. But you weren't done. You fucked Joshua until you were both sticky and spent, collapsing next to each other after you swallowed his last load.

You looked at the god dozing off next you in slight awe. Who would've thought a divine being would be so… pliant. The entire experience thrilled you and aroused you in such a new, exciting way. You were incredibly curious to discover what the others would be like. But for now, you would savor this moment.

-

“Bruises?” You gawked at the god sat across from you.

“They were all over my waist, glykia mou.” Joshua sipped his tea. “You're rather strong, you know.” He hummed like it was a normal thing to say.

“Aren't you supposed to be invincible?” How on Gaia did you bruise a god? They went away quickly, but still…

“Immortal, not invincible, sweetheart.” He corrected. “It’s really not all that difficult to get a scratch or two on us.”

“Right…” your eyes narrowed skeptically. You supposed it was just another bit of information that only someone who has gotten as close as you have would be privy to.

“It's not like it's a bad thing anyway. We had fun.”

That, you could agree with. A bit of fun has made your new reality a lot less daunting, so you welcome it with open arms. You had no clear objectives for your life in literal paradise, but fun is really all the purpose you need here.

“Lot's of fun.” You nodded, thinking back to the wild night.

Your eyes locked with Joshua's. He always looked so graceful and composed, but you knew that look in his eyes was anything but. You smiled, a bit giddy.

“Well let's go do something fun now.” You suggested.

Joshua gave you a mischievous smile. He was more than happy to.

(⁠*⁠＾⁠3⁠＾⁠)⁠/⁠～⁠♡

Tag list: @atashiboba

An: frankly I just want to peg Joshua but there are no straps in ancient Greece 😞

Sorry this took so long, I know I keep saying this but I really am just incompetent 😭

If you liked this pls lmk!. comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated and my ask box is always open!

𖦹 smut tags: dom!jh, sub!reader, afab!reader, virgin!reader, oral (f and m receiving), breast play, mutually intoxicated sex (weed), penetrative sex, unprotected sex, creampie, corruption kink, shotgunning, multiple smut scenes (3), jeonghan's a munch, petnames (for reader: baby, angel, sweetheart, princess/for jeonghan: hannie).

𖦹 warnings: mentions of neglectful parents, family trauma, verbal abuse is mentioned but nothing too bad, unhealthy coping mechanisms, alcohol, panic attacks, drug use (just weed, nothing crazy), if i miss any warnings or smut tags please let me know!

Prologue. 

You hate Yoon Jeonghan. The moment you met him, you hated him.

It had taken you about ten seconds to get on his bad side. All it took was a cup of iced coffee and a bump in the sidewalk. In the blink of an eye, your freshly made latte had become a wet coffee-coloured stain on Jeonghan’s bright white shirt. Mortified, you apologized profusely, not knowing what else to do. Everything happened so fast, that you didn’t even realize you were tripping and then spilling your drink onto him. 

“What the fuck is your problem?” he spits at you, eyes cold as ice. 

Your cheeks heat up fast, and you’re stuttering your words all over the place. To say the least, you felt bad. You haven’t even been here for more than 24 hours and you were already fucking up badly. Just a few minutes ago you were ready to start fresh, beginning a new semester at the university you transferred to from your hometown.

Looking back up at the man who was currently staring you down, you begin to take napkins out of your bag to wipe his shirt. A yelp escapes your lips once you feel him slap your hand away from his chest. 

“I said what the fuck is your problem?” he repeats himself, the fire in his eyes glinting against the light of the sun. 

“I’m sorry, I tripped and—” you begin to explain yourself but he cuts you off, not wanting to hear your excuses. 

“I don’t care that you tripped, you spilt your drink on me,” he seethes, clenching his jaw as he talks. 

Now you’re equally as pissed as him, you stare at him for a second trying to see if he’s joking because he couldn’t be serious right now. Quickly, you realize that he is indeed not joking, if anything he’s more serious than you were when you told your parents you were moving away. 

“I’m sorry I spilt my drink but it was an honest mistake. It’s a stain, you can wash your shirt,” you scoff at him. Unbelievable, you thought. As you roll your eyes, you watch him get red in the face with anger. 

Jeonghan is a lot more frustrated now that you’re giving him attitude, after the fact that you stained his clothes.  His fists begin to ball at his sides, who does this girl think she is?

“You’ve got a lot of nerve. You can’t just talk to me that way.” It was his turn to scoff at you, this petty fight between the two of you not leading anywhere. 

You look him up and down, you could take him in a fight if it came down to it, or at least that's what you like to tell yourself. His body is on the slimmer side, his looks seem to be his only redeeming quality. Long-haired, with long eyelashes; he was a pretty boy, you’ll admit that much. Yet his personality is not in harmony with his looks, and you found it to be quite surprising. How can someone so good-looking be so spiteful? 

“Too bad, I’ve already apologized and tried to make up for my actions. Didn’t mommy tell you life isn’t always fair?” You mockingly pout up at him as he towers over you. Before Jeonghan could come up with a rebuttal, you walk past him, purposefully knocking your shoulder with his.

“Hey! I wasn’t done with you! You’ll regret this day!” he shouts at your figure as you walk away from the scene. As you walk away you pray to the gods that this is the last you’ll see of the long-haired pretty boy. 

Little did you know it wasn’t going to be your last encounter with Yoon Jeonghan. 

I.

With desperation you scour multiple sites, looking for a roommate to stay with for the time being. Your move was abrupt, and you didn’t have time before you left home to look for a place to stay. For the past week, you’ve been staying at an Airbnb, hoping you’d be able to find a place soon. 

It was about one in the morning when the gods had finally decided to answer your prayers. A listing from a student attending your university was looking for a roommate to split rent with. As you read the listing, prices, and location, everything ticked all your boxes. Releasing a heavy sigh of relief, you message the person who posted the listing, asking if they were still looking for a roommate. 

You: Hi, is this still available?

 I’m ok with the rent prices and I can move in ASAP. 

Hanniehae: 

yah heres the address. 

come by tmrw at 2. we can talk about the details in person. 

Is it dumb of you to move into an apartment without asking any other questions? Yes, it was. But you were desperate to move out of the Airbnb you were staying in. The fees were starting to add up and you couldn’t afford to stay there anymore. Plus this is a person who’s going to the same school as you, they can’t be that bad…right? 

…

It was that bad. 

As soon as the door to your potential future apartment opens, you come face-to-face with the man who was yelling at you about a coffee stain just a few days ago. 

His long shoulder-length blond hair is a little messy, his eyes tired, like he had just gotten out of bed. It made you scoff, it's two p.m. but he was sleeping? The other part of your brain is wondering why he looked so good when he had just rolled out of bed. You would complain or at least make a snarky comment but you’re stuck in a predicament where you needed to find a place to stay fast. 

“So you’re stalking me now?” he scoffs, his eyebrows scrunching with confusion and a bit of anger. 

“Stalking you? You must think you’re special.” You roll your eyes at him, a sneer already on your face. “No, dumbass. I’m here because I’m looking for an apartment.” 

“I don’t think it’s very nice of you to call your future roommate a dumbass. My name is Jeonghan by the way.” Jeonghan smirks at you, the gears already turning in his head. 

He didn’t realize you were the one who was inquiring about the extra room last night. This has all gotten a lot more amusing for him since you’ve already somehow found a way to get on his bad side. It’s looking like karma was on his side for today, and he couldn’t be more pleased. 

“No. I must’ve gotten the wrong number.” You try to deny your fate, looking at the door to see that it is indeed the right place. You curse under your breath as you glance back and forth between the complex number and Jeonghan’s smug face. 

“Well, you certainly didn’t. Here look at the texts, Y/n.” He shoves his phone in your face, and your first name flashes across the screen, proving that he was the person you were texting last night. 

The back of your eyes feel as though they're burning, why am I always bumping into this asshole? You think to yourself, sighing. 

“If you don’t want me to live here then fine. I’ll find somewhere else,” you bluff, your pride still standing strong even though you need a place and you need one now. Pretending like you’re about to walk away, Jeonghan grabs your arm before you can go too far. 

“No. Whatever I guess, past is past. I need someone to split rent with, and you obviously need somewhere to stay so…” He shrugs as he holds onto your wrist, and you watch how his long and slender fingers wrap around it. The grip he has on you is firm but yet so delicate at the same time.

“Fine. Only because I really can’t find somewhere else, but once I do, I promise I'll be out of your hair,” you mutter, already not liking the idea of this setup. 

Jeonghan grins at you, relieved. He was happy to have someone to split the rent with, but what he’s more excited about is the fact that he’ll be able to piss you off in closer proximity. You seemed easy to anger and luckily for you, it’s Jeonghan’s favourite pastime to piss people off. There’s something about the way you react when you’re annoyed that he finds so amusing, at least you won’t be boring to live with, he thinks to himself. 

“You can move in today if you’d like. There’s nothing much to talk about, I've already listed everything in the posting. Don’t go in my room and I won’t go in yours. That’s all,” he says as he realizes he’s still holding onto your wrist. You become aware of it too, pulling back your hand quickly, your face reluctant but you know you can’t say no. 

“Fine. I’ll be back with all my things.” You look at him up and down once again, his sleep shorts and shirt baggy on him, but somehow he pulls it off. Especially the long hair, it makes you wonder what secrets it could possibly hold. 

“I don’t need help moving in by the way,” you add. 

“Who said I was gonna help you?” he chuckled, his arms crossing in front of his chest as he stared at you, raising an eyebrow. 

You’ve had enough of his egotistical bullshit, flashing him your middle finger as you walk towards the elevator. 

II.

As you're lugging your belongings into the apartment, you watch Jeonghan leisurely manspread on the couch, watching an episode of Spongebob.  You can’t help but roll your eyes as he acts so nonchalant as you heave your fifty-pound suitcase into the room. Then again, you did say you didn’t need his help, so who’s really at fault right now? 

Not bringing a whole lot with you, just the essentials, you opted to purchase everything when you found a place to stay. Thankfully, you were able to find a place now rather than later, all because of Jeonghan. As much as you hate him, if it weren’t for him you’d still be paying for the overpriced Airbnb. 

With a slam, you lay out your suitcase that contains practically your whole life. Conveniently enough, the place came fully furnished, so you didn’t need to buy a new bed and desk. 

As you unpack, you reminisce on all the memories your items hold. You really didn’t want to leave your city but you knew it was for the best. The toxicity of living with them did impact your mental health considerably. Starting fresh in a new city, a different school; it just seemed like the best thing to do at the time. Now you just hope that in the future you will appreciate the hard decision you had to make.

…

It was around eleven p.m. by the time you stepped out of your new room, and you noticed that the devil reincarnated was long gone from his spot on the couch. It wasn’t until you got closer to the kitchen that you heard the sounds of a headboard banging against the wall, and that was all you needed to go straight back into your room. 

“Jeonghan! Please…” You hear a woman’s voice moan. 

Running back to your room, you shut the door quickly behind you, you're mortified, to say the least. You barely know Jeonghan, and not even twenty-four hours into moving in, he’s already having guests over? A scoff can’t help but leave your throat, at this point, you shouldn’t even be surprised, Jeonghan definitely seems like the type to fuck around, even if his roommate was home. 

As quickly as possible you take out your headphones, not wanting to hear the obnoxiously loud sounds the girl in Jeonghan’s bed was making. 

“It can’t be that good,” you mumble to yourself, eyebrows scrunched like you were in deep thought. He just can’t be, you add to your thoughts, not wanting to give Jeonghan credit for actually being enjoyable in bed. 

With the whole world shut off, you head to the kitchen, craving a warm cup of ramen and some diet coke. The moment your electric kettle began to boil, you could feel the floorboards move under you slightly. The presence of a body behind you made you stiffen, even though you knew exactly who it was. 

Not trying to give him attention, you continue to make your food, pretending you can’t hear anything but the music blaring through your headphones. That was until they were snatched off your head, the abrupt action making you jump slightly. 

“What do you want?” you sigh, not even bothering to look behind you. Eyes still trained on the water that was filling your ramen cup, making sure it didn’t pass the fill line. 

“I called out your name like ten million times, you didn’t answer,” Jeonghan announced, but you don’t care. If he’s going to act like he’s the only person living here, then so will you. 

“Why would I?” You turn around to look at him now, his face a little too close for comfort. “I was under the impression you were busy with your visitor.” 

“I was, she left. I guess you didn’t hear her.” Jeonghan shrugs, placing the headphones he stole from you onto the countertop. 

Jeonghan has always been the type to get bored easily, not wanting to prolong a usual visit, it was better for him to fuck, clean up, then have them leave. No one he’s slept with has ever stayed the night and he preferred it that way. It’s better when it’s casual with no feelings involved. 

In short, Jeonghan was a grade-A asshole, especially in your books. A man who doesn't care for sincerity, only convenience. 

“Whatever, if you’re going to fuck a random chick while I’m here, you could at least have the decency to be a little quieter,” you grit, your cheeks heating with embarrassment and anger. 

Even if you didn’t like Jeonghan, you wouldn’t have done what he did, not that you’ve ever had sex, but still. 

Jeonghan couldn’t help but chuckle, the face you made when you got angry really amused him. Something about the way your cheeks would flush and your eyebrows scrunch. Pushing your buttons brought a rush in him that he just couldn't explain, he just wanted to see how far he could go to get you all worked up. 

“Well, it wouldn’t have bothered you if it was you who was in my room instead.” Jeonghan hovers over you once more, the height difference settling within you once again. He lets out the most annoyingly smug chuckle, one that makes your fists ball and your cheeks turn bright red. 

“Flirting with me won’t get you anywhere,” you spit at him, not wanting to play into his trap. 

“I’m not flirting, sweetheart, I’m only telling you the truth,” Jeonghan says with a sing-song voice as he walks away to go back into his room. 

III. 

It has been a few weeks since that last incident, and although you hate how Jeonghan continues to bring people over, you’ve learned to tune it out. The situation isn’t ideal, but all you can think about is the fact that you finally have a place to stay. 

Being his roommate felt like hell on Earth sometimes, the constant need to pester him about something different each day was starting to push you to your breaking point. Jeonghan was a horrible slob, only half decent enough to put away his own dishes. You tend to find his belongings all over the common area, sometimes it's a piece of clothing that couldn’t possibly belong to either of you.

A pink lace bra lying across the couch was pretty much your breaking point. You were so fed up with his constant lack of care for a common space. Thinking it was left from the night before, you decide it’s time to confront him about the boundaries he has yet to stay within. 

“Jeonghan I swear to god if I find another item from one of your flings I will—” You begin to march up to his room, not even bothering to knock this time. The anger begins turning from a bubbling simmer into a full-on rolling boil. 

Before you could even finish your sentence, you're met with the image of a topless girl hovering over Jeonghan, kissing him like he’s the cure for old age. They both tear apart from each other to look at you, your face resembling the scream by Edvard Munch. This is definitely one of the worst and embarrassing moments you’ve experienced in your life. 

“Oh my god! Sorry! Oh my god, I didn’t know, Sorry! Sorry!” You’re rambling out of embarrassment at this point. 

You hurriedly try to close the door, but before that you fling the bra into his room, flying across and hitting the back of the girl's head as she tries to cover up. 

“What the fuck!” she screams, and it feels like the more you stay, the worse the situation gets. 

“My bad!” you yell from the outside of his room, ready to scurry off into the only place you can stand to be in at that moment. 

As you headed back to your room, you covered yourself in all your pillows and blankets, trying to recover from the embarrassment you felt. It was on you for not knocking before you came in, but you had just been so sick of Jeonghan’s habits, that you were too mad to even think twice. The regret begins to overwhelm you, and you can’t help but scream into your pillows. 

“Of course, he had to just be hooking up with someone. Thank god it hadn’t gone any further.” You mumble into your pillow, trying to cover the fact that your whole face resembles a bright red tomato. 

Before you could spiral any deeper into thoughts of jumping off your balcony, your door bursts open to reveal your very own personal demon, one that took form as your roommate. You don’t even turn around, your head still buried in your pillow, instead opting to flip him off for putting you through a traumatizing situation. 

“So we’re into voyeurism now?” he teases you, laughing maniacally at your sulking figure. 

He strides over to the right side of your bed, hovering over where you lay. Words of protest spill out your mouth as you feel him turn you over so your body is facing upwards. Cheeks still flushed from a few minutes ago, you look at him through the slits of your fingers, your palms covering the rest of your red face. 

“Just leave me be. I did not mean to catch you guys in the act.” You couldn’t even make eye contact, your words muffled by your hands. 

“Y/n…if you wanted to join you could’ve just asked. You know I could never say no to two of you at once,” Jeonghan snickers, his smirk permanently plastered on his face. 

Angry at his vulgar statement, you fling upright, your face red with anger instead of embarrassment. As you sit up, you begin to take a better look at his frame. His shirt was nowhere to be found, his boxers peeking out of his grey sweats. You didn’t expect him to be so toned, his arms not extremely muscular, but you could tell he worked out at least a little. His height allows his abdomen to be in your line of sight with how you're sitting on your bed. The gulp leaves your throat involuntarily, betraying your facade of anger. A part of you curses him silently for being so attractive, which is something you never want to admit to him out loud. 

“Don’t flatter yourself, asshole.” You roll your eyes, trying to keep eye contact with him, even when his abs are right in front of you. 

“Next time, put a sock on your door or something. Or at least stop having your hookups leave their shit around the apartment!” An arm extending, motioning over to the living room where you had found the aforementioned bra. 

“Okay, okay, fine. Jesus Y/n, you know this wouldn’t have happened if you just had knocked.” He copies your actions, rolling his eyes back at you. His nonchalant tone never leaves, even in a situation like this. It angered you how careless he is, Jeonghan never cares about anything, and every day you wonder how far he can keep this act up. 

“I wouldn’t have to do all that if you two weren’t so careless!” You raise your voice at him, standing up from your bed. The anger shoots through your veins like bullets, how can he be the offended one in this situation? Jeonghan’s audacity never ceases to amaze you. 

“Why do you always have a stick up your fucking ass? Do you not get laid or something?” Jeonghan’s fists ball, he’s equally pissed now, appalled at how you’re raising your voice at him right now. “I see how it is Y/n, you know, maybe if you got as much as I did, you would learn to loosen up a bit. It was one bra.” 

“You’re unbelievable Yoon Jeonghan.” You scoff, offended by his words. It’s not fair that this is the conclusion, even though he’s right, you haven’t gotten laid, not for twenty-two years to be exact. “If I had known that you were this much of a terrible roommate, I wouldn’t have agreed to stay.” 

“If I had known that you were such a stuck-up bitch, I wouldn’t have agreed to let you live here.” He matches your energy, turning on his heels after, not even letting you sputter out a rebuttal, the sound of the door slamming echoing throughout your room. 

You stood there in shock, agitated. The silence of your room allows his words to sink into you. I’m the bitch? He’s fucking ridiculous, I wouldn’t even be acting this way if it weren’t for him. Eyebrows scrunched in frustration, you recall the argument you two had, and what frustrated you, even more, is the way conversations you have with him can turn from one to a hundred so quickly. In all honesty, it gave you whiplash dealing with him. 

…

Jeonghan’s blood pressure is at an all-time high. How dare you enforce all these rules onto him, when he’s the one who agreed to let you live with him in the first place.

“Past is past, yeah fucking right,” he mutters under his breath as he sits on his bed, thinking back to the day you showed up at his doorstep. 

The grudge he held for you spilling coffee on his shirt, that he could get over. But your constant need to dictate his actions? Hell no. He can’t let that slide, especially when he was living in this apartment first. 

Jeonghan can’t help but run his fingers through his hair, the stress of arguing with you was catching up to him. Something about you and the way you acted towards him gets him heated so quickly. The effect you have on his mood didn’t make sense to him, especially because he considers himself to be a generally careless person. 

Maybe it was your face or the way your cheeks would flush when you would raise your voice at him. Or maybe the fact that your small frame looked so harmless as you argued with him, the way your hands would ball into tiny fists. Part of him is amused at your anger, until you start to strike a nerve, that's when he begins to lose all self-control. He can’t even remember the last time he has fought with someone like this, you really just know how to rile him up. 

IV. 

Since that argument with Jeonghan, the two of you have learned to stay out of each other's way. It wasn’t like either of you went out of your way to talk to one another before what happened, but there was definitely a thicker layer of distaste now. 

There are times when he would see you cooking in the kitchen, opting to stay in his room only after you had cleared the space of your presence. It wasn’t one-sided either, you tend to only leave your room to cook or head to class. Not bothering to even spare Jeonghan a second glance. 

Not only was there less clutter in the common spaces, it wasn’t completely spotless, but at least he was trying to be more mindful. What surprised you the most was that he didn’t bring people over as often anymore, opting to go out late instead. There were mornings when you were forced to face him, passing by him as you left for class, only to realize he was coming home from being out all night. 

You hear the door beep as you get ready to put on your shoes. Jeonghan’s figure is entering your peripheral vision as he steps through to the mudroom. Pretending like he isn’t there, you put on your coat and mitts, leaving the apartment to walk to your next class.

The weather had gotten considerably colder since you first moved into the apartment. Snow was starting to fall to the ground rapidly, the temperature dropping to a whopping negative 20 degrees Celsius. You were concerned, considering you walk to school, but a little snow has never stopped you. And you simply can’t afford to skip any lectures. 

As you make your way to school, you admire how your new city is beginning to turn into a winter wonderland, the people around you all bundled up for the cold weather, as well as the snow that was sticking to the tree branches and bushes. Most people would curse at the weather, but you felt appreciative of all the little things, especially knowing you wouldn’t have been able to experience them in your home city. 

“Well, don’t you just look like a cheerful snowman, all bundled up!” Seungkwan notes on your appearance, watching as you sit beside him for your digital marketing class. 

“Good morning to you too, Kwan,” you roll your eyes at his remarks, your cheeks and nose still red from the cold. 

Meeting Seungkwan this term was probably the only reason you are still in this class. Not only did he help you improve your comprehension of the class material, but he was also just a joy to be around. His spunky personality shows through even in the most unpredictable situations. Sometimes you wonder why he hasn’t thought about going into law, his urge to argue with the professor during lecture always gives you secondhand embarrassment. But at the same time, you can’t help but admire his extroverted personality.

“Any news on your roommate? I don’t even know why you continue to live with him Y/nie,” Seungkwan shakes his head.“If I were you I would’ve moved out after the first incident.” 

“Well, I would, but there’s literally nowhere else to stay. So I kinda have to suck it up or I’ll be homeless,” you sigh, readying your things to head to the dining hall. The grumble in your stomach starts to grow louder with each passing minute. 

Seungkwan can only sigh, pitying your situation, especially because from what you’ve told him, your roommate seems to be a total asshole. 

Within a few minutes, the two of you reach the dining hall, quickly spotting two big heads arguing over the last piece of pepperoni pizza. 

“Kwon Soonyoung, I swear to good if you don’t hand over the last slice.” Seokmin’s eyes set ablaze, staring at the slice that Soonyoung doesn’t seem to want to relinquish. 

Every day since you met them, you wonder why Seungkwan thought it was a good idea to introduce them to you, especially because they both collectively share only one brain cell. 

“Or what Seok? I’m older than you. How about you respect your elders? I deserve it!” Soonyoung huffs, one hand gripping his tray, his other swatting around aimlessly in the air. 

They looked like two rabid animals circling around one helpless prey. Seungkwan sighs beside you, not in the mood to deal with his friend’s antics. Tired of hearing them fight over a measly slice of pizza, he tries to separate the two of them, and instead of rectifying the situation, it makes things worse. 

“Seungkwan gets out of here, it's between me and his greedy ass,” Soonyoung practically barks at the only person trying to make sure no one dies because of a slice of pizza. 

“I’m greedy?!” Seokmin points to himself in disbelief, and the look on his face shows how offended he really is. “How can I be greedy, I let you borrow my toothbrush this morning when you lost yours!” 

Oh, that's gross, you thought. But knowing Seokmin and Soonyoung, they’re the type of best friends that act like family. 

“Dude! You can’t just be yelling that out loud!” Soonyoung looks at him wide-eyed, coming closer to his best friend. The tray in his hand tipped over slightly, gravity causing it to almost slip off. Soonyoung is now more upset over his secret being revealed than the mediocre food that he was fighting over less than 30 seconds ago. 

Seungkwan sighs once more, taking the tray from Soonyoung’s hand so it doesn’t fall onto the floor. Then no one would get any pizza at all. 

As you watch them from a few steps back, you see the pepperoni pizza get restocked just behind them. The cooks observe the scene that has been unfolding with an unimpressed look in their eyes. It’s not every day that you see two idiots fight over something so trivial.  

“Okay fine I’m sorry, but you know their pizza is my favourite!” Seokmin apologizes.

“You two idiots need to stop fighting. They literally put out more, probably because they’re tired of hearing you guys argue!” You motion over to the fresh pizza. 

Dumb and dumber stare at each other for a millisecond, then back at the pizza, before speeding over to take enough slices for themselves. You and Seungkwan give each other an exasperated look, both of you questioning why you two are even friends with them in the first place. 

When the situation finally settled down, Seungkwan began grilling you about your roommate once more. He is so invested in your setup, and even more so because you haven’t even told him who you’re living with. It could really be anyone on campus. 

“Y/nie you never told us who you’re roommate is,” Seungkwan cuts off Seokmin and Soonyoung’s conversation about their favourite Pokemon. 

The three of them throw you curious looks, the spotlight now on you. 

“Oh, really?” You think back to when you first told Seungkwan about Jeonghan, you really didn’t think naming him would be vital information. Seungkwan thinks otherwise. “His name is Jeonghan? Maybe you guys know of him, he’s in our year, after all.” 

“Jeonghan? Like Yoon Jeonghan?” Seungkwan looks at you, his eyes practically bursting out of their sockets.

“We don’t just know of him, Y/nie,” Soonyoung adds, the grave look on his face indicating that maybe naming him was something you should’ve mentioned from the start. 

Seungkwan looks at both Seokmin and Soonyoung, his eyes going back and forth from the two of them to you. It’s like the three of them could communicate without any words. You knew their bond was strong, but you didn’t know it was to this extent.

“Y/n…” Seungkwan starts off, placing his hand over yours. “We’ve known him since we were in first year and…he’s definitely built a reputation for himself.” 

He nudges his head behind you, causing you to turn around. Jeonghan sits there with Joshua, the two of them laughing a few tables before yours. As you observed the two of them, you couldn’t help but notice how good-looking he was, especially when there was a genuine smile on his face. A girl was sitting beside him, her arms wrapped around his bicep like he was just going to disappear if he let go. You take note of the fact that she isn’t the same girl who you caught in his bedroom the week before. 

“So he’s a fuckboy? That’s it?” you snort, not really seeing the problem with that. It doesn’t matter to you anyway, it’s not like you would ever become romantically involved with him. 

“Well yes… but he’s also just not someone I think you should be around. You two live together, and if you got any closer with him, it just wouldn’t end well,” Seungkwan sighs, just wanting to warn you about Jeonghan and his womanizing ways. 

“His friend Joshua is pretty nice though,” Seokmin adds. “I don’t know why they’re friends but that’s just how they’ve been since we started school here.”

V.

The snow has gotten considerably thicker compared to when you first got to school. The snowbanks along the street start to hit you mid-calf, causing you to wonder if you should’ve taken a taxi home instead. Looking around, you realize that it never stopped snowing from this morning. The chilly weather and the new city experiences are not something you’re used to as someone who’s lived somewhere warm your whole life. 

Lights twinkling from shiny Christmas decorations that have yet to be taken down, the cold air that the snow brought along is constantly hitting you in the face. Your cheeks are rosy, your nose running, and the tote bag on your shoulder is constantly slipping off. As annoyed as you feel from all the overstimulation you’re experiencing, you can’t wait until you can just go home and rest. 

When you picked this city as your new place to live, you didn’t realize how much you romanticized the winter experience. It’s nothing like any of those Christmas hallmark movies you watched as a kid. 

As you walk back to your apartment, you think about what Seungkwan and the boys enlightened you on. The more you begin to learn about Jeonghan, the more you wonder if it was a good idea to move in with him in the first place. There isn’t any going back now, you’re pretty much stuck with him till you can find a place of your own.  

You don’t see much of him anyway, it’s not like you’ll be forced to be around him 24/7. 

…

“You know what Shua, she’s so infuriating. Not even my mom is up my ass like this.” Jeonghan scoffs.

Joshua decided to walk home with him before going back to his place. He quickly realizes that he regrets making that decision because even in the comfort of Jeonghan’s apartment, he still has to listen to him complain about his new housemate. 

“You don’t have a mom, Han,” Joshua rolls his eyes, he can’t keep listening to Jeonghan complain about the same things over and over again. 

“Exactly!” 

“She’s probably not even that bad, you’re always the type to overreact.” 

“Well if she just minded her own fucking business, I wouldn’t be complaining in the first place,” Jeonghan scoffs, running his hand through his hair in frustration. 

“Well maybe if you didn’t leave shit like your hookup’s bra in the living room, I wouldn’t be up your ass all the time,” you scowl, taking off your winter coat as you walk through the door. 

It’s a miracle that the two didn’t hear you come in; Jeonghan’s complaining was too loud for anyone to hear anything other than his voice. The moment you walked through the door, it was also the first thing you heard, causing you to roll your eyes as you took your boots off. All the excitement you had to get home is long gone. 

“Coffee girl has a point dude,” Joshua sides with you. 

“What the hell man, you’re my friend, not hers!” Jeonghan raises his voice, obviously offended that his best friend took the side of someone he considered his enemy. 

Joshua only chuckles at his best friend’s baffled expression, it’s not every day that he sees Jeonghan so easily affected by a girl. In almost every circumstance it was the other way around. 

“I am your friend but I don’t think I could ever live with you,” Joshua laughs. 

He has a point, you don’t think anyone would willingly decide to live with Jeonghan. Except for you. 

“Well I gotta go, the weather is continuing to get worse. See you around coffee girl.” Joshua flashes you his charming smile, patting your shoulder as he exits. 

“It's Y/n by the way!” you yell at him before the door fully closes. The small smile on your face reaches your eyes. 

It's quickly wiped off when you turn back to see Jeonghan giving you a death glare from across the living room. His strong forearms crossed as he taps his foot impatiently, almost like he’s waiting for an argument to start up again. 

“Now you’ve got Shua taking your side now?” Jeonghan sneers at you, lasers practically shooting out of his eyes with every move you make. 

“It’s not my fault Joshua has critical thinking skills,” you argue back. 

Every time you’re near Jeonghan, your blood pressure seems to spike. So much for that one week of peace, it’s obvious you’ve struck a new nerve with him. Before the argument could escalate even further you decide to just walk away.

 Retiring to your room, you finally change into some comfy clothes. The whole day had just been extremely tiring, and coming home to Jeonghan starting a new argument with you didn’t help. The moment you walk back out you know he will have something snarky to say, so instead you find solace in your own room for the rest of the night. 

You ponder about why your roommate from hell is the way he is. Does he have an allergy to being nice to people? Maybe he was dropped on his head as a baby? With all the sex he has you would assume he’d be a laid-back person, but his temperament proves you otherwise.

…

The obnoxious ringing of your alarm causes you to spring up from your bed. Eyes still droopy with sleep, you haphazardly reach for your phone on your bedside table. Blaming your bad mood and lack of motivation to wake up on the fact that Jeonghan was the last person you thought of last night. A part of you wishes you weren’t so eager at the beginning to enroll in classes at the beginning of the term, or else you wouldn’t be waking up at seven a.m. for an eight-thirty a.m. lecture. 

As you begin to check the notifications your eyebrows raise as you read the email sent by your university.

To all students at ____ University, 

Due to poor weather conditions and an upcoming blizzard, classes will be moved online until further notice. It is highly advised that all students are to stay indoors till the snowstorm passes. An email will be sent out with details on when in-person classes will resume. 

Thank you and stay safe, 

____ University’s Administration Team. 

“What the hell?” you blurt out in your still-dark room, the light of your screen reflecting onto your face. 

You fling the comforter off your body to look through the window of your room. As you peer out the glass you notice that the snow had gotten considerably higher overnight. While walking home yesterday, it didn’t register in your mind that the excessive snowfall was going to become this much of a problem. Not that you were complaining, this just meant you’re able to sleep in a little more. 

Jumping back into bed, you realize that because of the advisory to stay indoors, you’re going to have to be around Jeonghan for an unknown period of time. The thought of having to spend time holed up in your apartment with him doesn’t particularly excite you, if anything you’re dreading it. Ultimately, you decide that it’s a problem for your future self, lulling back into a much-needed deep sleep. 

…

It’s past mid-day when your body finally decides it’s time for you to wake up. The light peaking through your curtains blinds you. Your head is still fuzzy from the fact you overslept, you couldn’t help but crave a glass of water. 

As you untangle your limbs from your sheets, you enter the living room, only to be met with the sight of your roommate building Legos while watching an episode of Crayon Shin-Chan. It gives you whiplash, seeing him playing with Legos and watching cartoons. It’s a stark contrast from when you caught him making out with that girl in his bedroom. 

You decide to just ignore his presence, knowing that if either of you spoke it would just turn into an argument. 

“Had a good sleep Y/n? It’s practically past noon now,” Jeonghan speaks out, his back facing you as he continues to assemble what seems to be a ramen shop Lego set. You roll your eyes at his comment, continuing to fill up your glass with water. 

“Well I wouldn’t be so tired if I wasn’t dealing with your shit all the time,” you spit back, glaring at him over your shoulder.

Leaning back against the kitchen counter, you continue to observe Jeonghan playing building his legos, his slender fingers calculated with each and every step as he assembles them. The manual on his lap, while his long blond hair is tucked behind his ear. 

“You wouldn’t have to deal with my shit if you just minded your own business.” He acts unfazed, still working diligently, not even bothering to look up at you.

Why does he always have some type of rebuttal? It was like he was raised to argue with people. The more you think about it, you realize why Seungkwan has a certain distaste towards him. He would probably argue with Jeonghan more than you do. 

“And I wouldn’t have to mind your business if you didn’t disturb the peace by being so loud whenever you bring someone over.” 

A part of you wonders if in another universe you and Jeonghan actually got along, or maybe if he’s an asshole in every other universe too. 

“Whatever, I don’t bring anyone over anymore. So take what you can get,” Jeonghan sighs, still not caring enough to take his eyes off his work. 

Although you hate to admit it, he's right. Ever since that argument in your bedroom, he hasn’t brought anyone over. Which you're thankful for, but that still doesn’t excuse his stuck-up behaviour. 

You sigh, walking over to sit down next to him. Maybe this is his way of finding a middle ground, he’s probably just as tired from all the fighting as you are. One thing about you is that you know when to yield, and if this is Jeonghan’s way of trying to cause fewer fights with you, then so be it. Jeonghan is human too, so you’ll forgive him for now, especially since the fights haven’t really been one-sided either. 

“Thank you for that, I appreciate it,” you mumble, taking a look at his Lego manual, and helping him put some of the pieces together. 

For the first time that morning, Jeonghan looks up at you. You weren’t aware of his gaze as you continued to put blocks together, but he really took his time looking at you. The light shining through the windows caused your skin to glow. Your eyebrows scrunched in concentration, tongue slightly poking out. He finds you cute, he’ll admit, maybe one of the prettiest girls he’s seen so far in his life, and he’s met a lot of pretty girls. If it weren’t for all the disagreements, he wonders if you two would have actually gotten along and maybe even been more than roommates. 

“I’ll be better now, or at least I’ll try to,” he speaks up, eyes still focused on you. As you meet his gaze, you can see he truly meant it. It causes your breath to hitch, it was the first time you’ve seen him so serious, but in a positive way. A small smile forms along your lips, and you take out your hand, signalling for him to shake it. 

“Roommates? This could be a peace treaty of sorts.” 

“Okay, roommates. Also, I’m sorry for saying all those mean things about you, I can become an asshole when I’m angry,” he apologizes as he gives you a firm handshake. “Which is a shitty excuse, but still, I’m sorry.”

“I forgive you, and I’m sorry too,” you retract your hand, going back to building the miniature ramen shop. “It’s tiring having to argue all the time, I’m sure it was tiring for you too.” 

He chuckles, nodding his head in agreement, and it surprises you a little. It’s the first time you’ve seen a genuine smile from him since you moved in. It felt good to be on the same page with him, the arguing would’ve definitely caused you two to loathe each other until you finally decided to move out. 

“This calls for some type of celebration,” He declared, standing up abruptly to search through the fridge. 

Jeonghan comes back shortly with a bottle in one hand and two wine glasses in the other. You give him a confused look as he returns to his spot on the carpet. The amused and slightly mischievous glint in his eyes concerns you a little. 

As he removes the cork from the spine of the wine bottle, you get a good view of his strong forearms. You’re not sure why it was so mesmerizing to watch him do such a mundane task, but you couldn’t tear your eyes away. The veins in his arms become more prominent with each move he makes. Before you know it, he’s pouring you a glass and handing it over to you. 

“Wine? Really? It’s only 2 p.m.,” you give him a questioning look, you’re hesitant but you take the glass from him anyways. 

“Why not? We don’t have school tomorrow anyways,” he shrugs, placing the wine bottle down to take a sip from his own glass. 

You follow his actions, taking a sip of the red liquor, and feeling the liquid overcome your taste buds. Making a small sound of delight, you stare at him with wide eyes, showing him that you like the way it tastes. Jeonghan seems to know his way around wine, because, for someone who doesn’t indulge in drinking often, even you enjoyed what he handed you. 

“It’s good right?” he grins, clinking the side of his glass with yours. 

You giggle, taking another swig, allowing yourself to truly relax for the first time since you moved in. The buzz of the alcohol already takes effect the more you drink it, causing all your limbs to loosen up. 

If someone told you that you would be drinking wine and assembling Legos with Jeonghan a week ago, you would’ve laughed in their face. But now that it’s actually happening, you’re not opposed to hanging out with him like this again. 

Maybe in this universe, you and Jeonghan do get along. 

…

A couple hours and half a ramen shop later, you can start the really feel the effects of the alcohol. There wasn’t much talking between you and Jeonghan, only exchanging a couple words when you got stuck on a part of the build. His voice was soft and nurturing, patiently teaching you when the instructions were unclear. It was the first time you’d heard him so soft spoken, but maybe because every time you two were conversing it was through shouting. 

“Here, you just need to put this piece there, then it should look like the manual,” he mumbles, taking the platform from your hand to put the block in the right way. 

His fingers lightly graze yours as he takes it from your hands, the warmth of his touch making you blush slightly. The proximity of your face to his, plus all the wine you had in your system started to make you feel more flustered than normal. In regular circumstances, you probably wouldn’t have thought so hard about the small interactions you had with him while you two put the Legos together. But something was hanging in the air as you two shared this moment together, and you couldn’t really put your finger on it. 

“Oh okay… thanks,” you mumble as you continue on with the instructions. “When did you get so fond of Legos anyway?”

“My dad and I used to build them together when I was younger,” he confides with a sad smile across his face. 

Jeonghan doesn’t really like to indulge in his home life much, but the wine in his system caused his walls to crumble a bit. Every brick he laid to put his feelings behind slowly came undone with each sip he took from his glass. 

“He felt bad that I had to grow up without a mom, so he liked to bond over this,” he continues as he motions over to the plastic blocks in his hands. 

Your mouth went dry as you heard him talk with so much cadence, a part of you felt bad for him, naturally so, but you also empathized with him. Growing up, your home life wasn’t the best either, and the fact that he’s decided to tell you something so important made you feel a little bit closer to him. 

“He seems like a great dad,” you affirmed, not wanting to press too much because you weren’t sure if he wanted to elaborate more on the situation.

Placing your hand on his shoulder, Jeonghan stops and looks at the way you smile at him. It's sympathetic, but he can’t tell you’re not doing it out of pity, just understanding. The city lights reflected in your eyes, causing them to twinkle in your now dim apartment. The way you stared at him made his heart skip. At the beginning of the day he saw you as his stuck-up roommate, but now you’re just Y/n, who happens to be his roommate. 

“He is, he really did a lot for me growing up,” Jeonghan chuckles, tearing his eyes from you to hide the blush starting to creep up from his neck. 

“I’m glad to hear that,” you say as your hand goes back to continue putting pieces of Legos together. “My parents weren’t really like that when I was young.” 

Jeonghan perks up a little, stunned by the fact that you decided to share a tidbit about yourself. He doesn’t really know much about you, so the fact that you’ve also decided to confide in him about your family surprised him. 

“They were always away when I was kid, they had to travel for work a lot, but I got used to it,” you mutter, not really sure why you felt the need to tell him about the neglect you felt when you were a kid. The topic of your parents was sensitive, and a part of you isn’t sure why you felt so comfortable talking about it with someone whom you felt resentment for not more than twenty-four hours ago. Jeonghan should be the last person you talk to about this, but yet you did it anyway. 

“I only ever saw them on weekends, and even then they weren’t the most affectionate people on earth.” A sigh leaves your lips as you recount the years you spent alone. “They were so busy that they ended up hiring a nanny at some point.” 

“That must’ve been hard, I’m sorry Y/n,” Jeognhan puts his hand over yours, giving you a solemn look, his frown mimicking yours. 

The knot in your throat intensified as he stared at you, causing you to swallow harshly. 

“It’s fine, I got used to it. It’s the reason why I moved cities,” you admit as he continues to hold your hand reassuringly. “They just expected so much from me, being the only child and all, and it got so bad to the point that the only time they spoke to me were to criticize my actions. I just knew that I would be happier if I didn’t have to be around them all the time.” 

 A bitter laugh leaves your lips, the tears in your eyes threatening to spill. If it weren’t for the fact that you had alcohol running through your system, you probably wouldn’t feel so emotional. Your parents are supposed to be the ones taking care of you and to be there for you when you need to be, but it seemed like the total opposite. Instead, they were the ones you couldn’t share anything with, not even when you told them that you got accepted to your dream university. Neither of them ever congratulated you on your achievements or milestones, nothing seemed to impress them.

Jeonghan didn’t utter a word, only listening to what you had to say, and it felt nice. For the first time, you could just genuinely share your feelings, without the scrutiny of your parents, without the fear of being ridiculed or being called weak. 

“Your parents don’t know anything about you Y/n, and one day they’ll regret every time they doubted you.” Jeonghan shrugs, and it feels like a breath of fresh air, hearing someone comfort you in a way your parents refuse to. 

“Thank you Jeonghan,” you whisper, blinking away unshed tears. “I’m sorry for dumping all that on you by the way.” 

The guilt in your stomach circled as you realized that your tangent went on longer than you would’ve liked, especially because the conversation was meant to be about him and not you.

It's clear to him that you thought talking about yourself was a selfish act, but it’s not. Jeonghan knew that the reason for your guilt was because of how much your parents neglected and ridiculed you growing up. If anything he feels guilty that he’s only now realizing how nice of a person you are. 

“Don’t be. I’m happy to listen.” He squeezes your hand, doing what he can to soothe your pain.

…

You suddenly wake up to find yourself seated with your back resting against the base of the couch. As you begin to regain consciousness from your cat nap, you hear the tv humming softly, the screen glowing as it plays a random movie. You also realized that your head was resting gently on Jeonghan’s shoulder, causing you to jolt up slightly from your position. 

“Rise and shine sleepyhead,” Jeonghan chirps, chuckling at the way you had just reacted. 

You don’t even remember falling asleep, let alone putting your head on his shoulder as you drifted off. The warmth of his body radiating onto yours, the smell of his cologne wafting off of him and enveloping your senses. At least he doesn’t stink, you thought to yourself. 

“I don’t even remember falling asleep, sorry,” you murmured, your cheeks turning red. 

The ambient lighting reflected onto Jeonghan’s face, the clear view of his smug expression made you want to smack him. There’s a glint in his eyes, one that you couldn’t really put a finger on. His arm is over your shoulder, which you didn’t realize was around you till now. Rubbing up at down your arm soothingly, it causes you to lean into his touch even more. You weren’t sure what had possessed you to do so, but all thoughts had left your head. Relaxation flowed through your veins, causing you to not think too much of the situation you’ve been put in. 

His touch is innocent, but the hair on your arm raises with each brush of Jeonghan’s palm. 

As you became more calm with each second that passed, you put your head on his shoulder once again. Embracing the intimate position you’ve been put in with your roommate of all people. You decide to just watch the movie that was playing, even though you didn’t know what was going on. Anything to stop you from thinking too much about the fact that you’re practically cuddled up with Jeonghan; the man who you despised not too long ago. 

“It’s fine, you seemed pretty drowsy from the wine,” he whispers in your ear, his breath fanning across the side of your face from the close proximity. “Remind me not to let you drink so much.” 

“I don’t drink often, I'm pretty sure I'm still a little tipsy,” you laugh, still staring at the flashing scenes coming off the screen. 

You can see Joenghan observing you from your peripheral vision, his eyes scanning your face for any type of discomfort. He couldn’t tell if it was the alcohol he had drank or the atmosphere of the cozy apartment, but he didn’t hate that he was holding you close. You were so focused on the TV, yet he found you more interesting than whatever movie he decided to put on. Eyebrows scrunched with concentration, lips in a line as you continued to pay attention to the characters in front of you. The red tint on your cheeks from the alcohol looked good to him, even when doing the most mundane act of watching a movie. 

“Y/n,” Jeonghan calls out for you with his soft voice, eyes entranced by your beauty. 

“Hmm?” you respond to him, finally meeting face-to-face with him. Taken aback by how close he had gotten as you turned to look at him, your eyes grew wide. 

He doesn’t say much more, only taking his other hand to grab ahold of your chin, levelling your face with his. Looking down at your lips and then back to your eyes, makes your palms sweat. All your thoughts are in disarray as he moves close enough to nudge his nose against yours. Practically tasting you, but not close enough to feel his lips on yours. 

Frozen in your spot on the carpet, you don’t move an inch, even though you could feel him starting to close the gap between you. A part of you is telling you to run away, push him off, anything, but your body stays still. Wrapped in his embrace, you don’t want to leave, not even when you begin to feel his lips place a soft kiss on yours. 

His warm lips are plush as he presses himself against you even more. The world crumbles away as you kiss him back, wrapping your arms around his shoulders to stabilize yourself. He becomes rougher, kissing you with more intent. Jeonghan takes his hand off your chin to wrap it around your waist, pulling you over and onto his lap. You can’t help but gasp at how fast he’s able to dominate the situation, but you don’t stop moving along with him. 

For once in your life, you release yourself from self-doubt and overthinking. Letting Jeonghan take over all your thoughts, all of your senses. It’s all you can think about now, Jeonghan, Jeonghan, Jeonghan, his name replaying in your head. No one else at that moment existed except you and him, and it causes you to kiss him back with the same determination.

He grips onto your hips, feeling you up, kissing you for all he’s worth. As if you're the only source of water during a year-long drought. A groan bubbles up from his throat as you grind yourself against his crotch, and you can’t help but moan back in response. He takes that opportunity to force his tongue past your lips, licking the inside of your mouth. It felt so damn good that you can only grind against him harder. The kiss became wetter, messier, with each passing second. 

“F-fuck, you can’t move like that sweetheart,” he detaches his lips from yours, groaning from how you keep pressing yourself against his growing erection. 

It’s the first time you’ve seen him so flustered, and the look on his face is addicting. You’ve never kissed anyone before, but you were just trying to go along with the flow he had set. 

“Are you ok? I didn’t hurt you, did I?” you pant out, still out of breath from the little make-out session you just had.

You weren’t born yesterday, and the more you shuffle against his body, you begin to feel his hard-on brush up against the inside of your thigh. It makes you gasp, you didn’t realize how turned on Jeonghan had become just from kissing you. The experience of even just kissing someone was foreign to you, whatever it is that you were doing, he obviously enjoyed it. 

“Oh,” is all you can say after discovering how hard he is under you. 

“I didn’t tell you to stop though, did I?” He says, eyes lidded as he looks at your flushed face. 

He connects your lips with his once again, his hands travelling up your shorts and under them, groping at the soft skin of your ass, forcing you to grind against his length. A moan leaves your lips as you feel him touch you in such a lewd way, but you don’t want to stop. The pleasure of it all rewires your brain as you become more obsessed with the feeling of him all over you. 

“T-that feels really good,” you whimper against him, shamelessy starting to grind against him on your own accord. 

He lets out a chuckle before detaching his lips to place wet, hot kisses against your neck, moving down further to suckle on the base of your throat and collarbones. This is the first time you felt someone kiss you there, or anywhere to be honest, but you didn’t want him to stop. Not after knowing how good he is with just his mouth and hands all over you. 

“We can’t keep going or I’ll lose my self-control,” he breathes against your neck, his harsh grip still kneading your ass. The reality of the situation finally seeped into his brain. You whine against him, the last thing you want him to do is stop, but he does so anyway, pulling you off him. The only sound of both of your heavy breathing echoes throughout the apartment. 

“Oh okay,” you feel a little rejected, not sure why he couldn’t go any further with you. 

“It’s not that I didn’t like it, but I want you to be fully sober the next time I kiss you,” is all he says before he walks away, going back to his room without another word.

You’re left dumbfounded; the short, yet hot make out session started to finally sink in. It made you stop and think for a moment, would you even have gone further if he allowed it? Would you have let him fuck you on the floor of your shared apartment? It scared you how fast you made up your mind, the thought of him pleasuring you sending a shock throughout your whole body. 

It’s not every day you kiss your roommate who you thought you hated. As you try to recollect your thoughts, you realize how all of this could lead you down a really bad path. But a part of you is curious as to what would have happened if Jeonghan hadn’t stopped himself. 

VI.  

It’s the next morning and your university sent out another email that classes will go back to regular scheduling the following day. You felt relief that the snowstorm wasn’t too extreme but at the same time, you didn’t want to return after the short break. School was the least of your worries though, the thoughts of what happened last night with Jeonghan stayed at the forefront of your mind. 

You woke up before him, bright and early, others would think you’re just an early riser, but in reality, it was because you were up all night replaying the moments of when you lost your first kiss to your roommate. Not being able to get a wink of sleep, you decided to stay up till morning, early enough to make breakfast for yourself. It made you feel a little pathetic, knowing how easy it was for Jeonghan to conquer all your waking thoughts. 

If only you knew that he faced the same problem as he tried his best to fall asleep. 

“Morning,” Jeonghan walks into the kitchen nonchalantly, catching a glimpse of you cooking by the stove. 

His sudden presence startles you, causing you to yelp out while cooking a batch of scrambled eggs. Turning around your eyes couldn’t help but trail down his frame, his long blond hair flowing to his shoulders, not wearing anything but a pair of grey sweatpants, his boxers slightly peaking past the waistband. You were practically drooling as he stood there, his arms crossed accentuating his biceps. 

“Do you have to sneak up on me every time?” You mutter, breaking away your gaze from his body to regain focus on your current task. The eggs in your pan slightly burnt because of how much Jeonghan distracted you.

He laughs at you, noticing the now brown eggs that sit sadly in your frying pan. Watching your shoulders slump with disappointment, he can’t help but admire you right back. Your sleep shorts and long T-shirt did not leave much up to the imagination. It wasn’t even noon but Jeonghan couldn’t help but imagine fucking you against the kitchen counter. 

“I didn’t know I had to announce my presence every time, my bad, princess,” Jeonghan teases, observing how you react to the name he’s given you. 

Striding to where you stand, he comes up right behind you placing his hands on your hips, close enough that you could feel his breath tickle the nape of your neck. It leaves you breathless, and you finally understand why so many girls are desperate to get a lick of his attention. Even his slightest actions exude some sort of attractiveness, an effect you didn’t fully realize he had till last night’s hot make-out session. 

You try to ignore your intrusive thoughts, ignoring how close he’s standing behind you. As you plate up your food, he continues to follow you around, trying to get you to crack under the sexual tension he had created between the two of you. 

“Could you just stand still for one minute?” you sigh, feeling him coming behind you again, arms around your waist. 

“Why won’t you look at me?” he answers you with a question, and you can practically hear the pout in his voice. 

“Maybe because there’s a hot pan in my hand right now, and you keep trying to annoy me,” you chastise him, your voice coming out breathier than you wanted. He continues pestering you, feeling up your waist, not wanting to let you go so easily. 

His large hands hold you close, your ass right against his front as you try to finish up what you’re doing in the kitchen. It was hard to ignore a man like Jeonghan, especially because he was refusing to relinquish his hold on you as you placed the pan back onto the stove to cool down.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you last night,” he admits, his voice a little rough from just waking up. 

You sigh, turning around to face him, his arms moving to inclose you against the counter. The lust in his eyes is clear as if the only thing he’s hungry for this morning is you. 

“Me neither,” you whisper back, his body so close to yours to the point that you could hear his heartbeat against his chest. 

Looking into his eyes, you could see the mischievous glint reflecting against the morning sun. Is it too early for you to be horny for your roommate? Maybe. But you didn’t care, after having a taste of Jeonghan last night, all you want is more of him. 

Once those words were uttered, Jeonghan didn’t waste any more time. His mouth claimed yours in a heated kiss, making you dizzy and out of breath. As he forces his tongue past your lips, you can’t help but moan out of surprise. The grip he has on you only gets tighter until he lifts you onto the kitchen island, forcing you to wrap your legs around his waist. The counter is at the perfect height, allowing you to feel his erection right against your heat. Jeonghan presses into you harder, allowing his clothed length to brush up against you, making you whimper against his lips. 

“J-Jeonghan,” you moan out for him as his lips trail down your neck just like last night. The feeling of him pressed up against is so addicting, to the point that you’ve forgotten about your breakfast that is plated beside you. 

He doesn’t dare stop showering you with kisses, his hands travelling up and under your shirt to grope at your breasts, playing with your hardened nipples. He’s thankful you were still in your pyjamas, no bra to stop him from touching your full mounds. 

“You’ll be my breakfast for today, is that okay with you?” he mumbles against your neck and you can only nod in response. 

Your eagerness makes him chuckle, and you can feel the vibration of his voice along your skin. He pulls back from you, swiftly removing the oversized shirt you have on. He groans at the sight, seeing your body for on display for him. His hard member twitches in his pants as he takes in every inch of your curves. Jeonghan can’t help but dive back into your breasts, taking one in his mouth, licking and suckling on your nipple while he massages the other. 

“That feels so good,” you moan, eyes closed as you lose yourself in the pleasure of his mouth. 

He’s only paying attention to your chest, but the bottom half of you is becoming wet and needy with every second that passes. Jeonghan is obsessed with the way you moan for him, the sounds coming from your mouth are so unholy, it’s all he wants to hear from you from now on. Just seeing you spread out for him like this is making his thoughts run a million miles per hour. He has so much he wants to do for you, but he decides to take his time, wanting to just savour each inch of your body. 

“I can’t get enough of you,” he sighs, pulling his mouth away from your body, standing back a little to take you in more clearly. 

You already looked so fucked out, and he loves it. He loves seeing your bare chest heaving, hair dishevelled, lips red and swollen. This image of you is so drastic from when he first met you, he never thought you’d be so submissive and needy for him. The blood rushing from his brain down to his dick, it's almost painful how hard he is, but he doesn’t care. He wants to see you come undone from his mouth before anything else. 

“Can I taste you baby?” he asks so sweetly as if he isn’t asking to make you cum from just his tongue. 

The ache between your legs intensifies, causing you to shut them close to allow yourself some type of relief. You’ve never been this aroused before. Of course, you’ve touched and played with yourself before, but you’ve never had anyone eat you out. The yearning to experience it grows tenfold as you watch him move closer, removing your shorts and panties in one go. 

“I’ve never done this before,” you admit to him, avoiding his gaze as your cheeks turn red. Your legs shut in an instant as you feel the cold air hit your wet core. 

Jeonghan sighs, gripping your face between his hands, your cheeks squished between his fingers. His dominant side begins to show as he stares at you with a serious look in his eyes. You find him so sexy as he examines you with so much lust, the wetness in your legs becomes harder to ignore the longer you two stay in this position. 

“I don’t mind, as long as you’re okay with me eating you out,” he assured, waiting for your approval. 

“I’m more than okay with it,” you nod eagerly, taking his hand off your face and placing it between your legs, “touch me here, please Jeonghan.” 

You sound so needy for him, it makes his head fill with thoughts of you under him, begging him to fuck you harder. But that's for next time, he concludes, right now he just wants you to feel the pleasure of his fingers and tongue. 

Without pausing, he forces your legs apart, spread for him so wide to the point that your body begins to ache at your knees and hips. Jeonghan doesn’t care, his eyes are still trained on your glistening cunt, so exposed for him, all for him. Running a finger against your slit, he tests the waters, and you immediately react with a moan. He’s barely touched you but you’re so responsive; the sounds you’re making practically frying his brain. 

He doesn’t stop because he’s only focused on making you cum against his mouth. Starting with his fingers, he rubs your clit lightly, giving it much-needed attention. Your hands fly up to his shoulders, trying to stabilize yourself as he continues to play with you. 

“Fuck you’re so wet,” he grunts before inserting a finger into your sopping hole. “And so tight.” 

You moan as he breaches your entrance with his fingers, the feeling of him inside you making your eyes roll to the back of your head. He takes the intensity up a notch, allowing a second finger past your folds. You’ve never felt this full before, your own fingers feel like nothing compared to Jeonghan’s. 

“Hmm Jeonghan please,” you beg him, for what exactly, you weren’t sure; all you know is that you need more of him. 

Hearing you whiny, breathless and begging for him makes him groan as he watches your face contort with pleasure. The scrunch of your eyebrows as your small hands grip his shoulders in enough to make him cum in his pants. 

He continues his ministrations, pumping into and out of your pussy till the only thing he can hear is your moans and the sound of your walls squelching against his fingers. The familiar feeling of an orgasm is approaching quickly, causing you to spasm against his wet digits. But he doesn’t stop there, instead, he removes his fingers to get on his knees, face levelling with your spent core. 

“So wet for me aren’t you?” he chuckles as you feel his hot breath against your entrance. “I bet you’re as sweet as I imagined too.” 

Taking his tongue he places a long languid lick against your wetness, flicking it up and down till it has you gripping onto his locks. One hand pinning you down as the other teases your hole. 

The feeling of his mouth against your cunt is much more intense than having his fingers inside you. It felt so good, you thought drool was about to escape past your lips. Jeonghan doesn’t go easy on you, even if it’s your first time receiving oral. His mind only focused on feeling you release onto his tongue. 

“Ah! Jeonghan please,” you continue begging, gripping his hair the more his tongue plays with your pussy. 

He ignores your pleading, thrusting his fingers, tongue sucking and biting on your bundle of nerves. You look down at him, his eyes piercing yours as he eats you out. The image of his mouth on your cunt is so lewd, but you love it. You love having him kneel in front of you, doing what he can just so you can reach your orgasm. 

“I-i’m gonna cum,” you moan out, your head lolling back as you release onto his tongue. 

“You did so well princess,” he praises you, standing up so that you two are at eye level once more. 

Jeonghan’s chin is wet with your release, his lips red and pouty from how hard he was trying to get you to your climax. He doesn’t break eye contact with you as he places his soaked fingers against your lips, forcing you to taste your cum on his fingers. He grins as you obediently lick them clean, imagining it's his cock in your mouth instead. As much as he yearns for more, he stops there, not trying to overwhelm you after such an intense orgasm. 

“Best breakfast I’ve had in a while,” he smirks as he watches you come down from your high. 

Collecting your clothes from the kitchen floor, he places them back on your body. Your mind still buzzing with pleasure, and you couldn’t find the strength to reply to his comments. Instead, you just allow him to carry you into the washroom to get you cleaned up.

VII.

The last time you had seen Jeonghan was the night before school started up again. The two of you didn’t really talk about it after it happened, he just cleaned you up and asked if you wanted to finish the Legos together. He talked to you more about his family but after that, it was mostly silent. You gave up going to bed, tired, and did not want to wake up late for classes the next day. The little ramen shop had been left unfinished, the remaining pieces were few but still scattered on your shared coffee table. 

Now that you were back to your regular schedule you were starting to feel a little rejected, Jeonghan occupying most of your thoughts, did he miss your presence as much as you missed his? How can two people live together but not get to communicate for even a moment? Everything was fine between you two, except for the fact that he was asleep before you left for school, and you were asleep by the time he got home. It left a weird feeling in your stomach that your last interaction with him was the day he ate you out. 

 He isn’t your boyfriend, you’re not sure if he’s even your friend yet, but you two are something. What do you even call a person who you’ve hooked up with and also share an apartment with? There are so many unanswered questions circulating in your brain, but would Jeonghan be able to answer them? It frustrates you how one moment between you changed everything. You’re a smart girl, but when it comes to men it’s like all knowledge has left your head. 

“Y/n, you okay? You’re spacing out,” Seungkwan queried, tapping your shoulder to bring you out of your thoughts. 

“Huh? Oh. Yeah, I'm fine.” You give him a small smile before refocusing on your lecture.

Seungkwan wasn’t so convinced, he could tell you had a lot on your mind, but he just wasn’t sure what it was. You two have only known each other for a while, so he decided to trust that you were okay, hoping that you would talk to him about it when you were ready. 

“If you say so, but I’m here if you need me.” He gives you a reassuring smile, squeezing your shoulder. 

It felt nice to know you had someone to lean on when you needed it, to finally have people around you that are aware of your feelings. You knew from the moment you met him that Seungkwan was going to be one of those people you could be friends with for a long time. He’s so observant, aware of others' feelings, and overall comforting to be around. It made you wonder why you didn’t move earlier, especially because the people you were destined to be friends with were here the whole time. 

“Thanks, Kwan, you’re the best,” you whisper, trying not to disrupt the class going on. 

Even though you tried to focus on what the professor was talking about, your thoughts still led back to the man who lives less than ten feet away from you. 

…

“You did all that with her… on your kitchen counter?” Joshua gives Jeonghan an incredulous look. “Dude we eat there.” 

“Well I was eating wasn’t I?” Jeonghan bites back, not wanting to hear Joshua scold him. 

The two of them are sitting on Joshua’s couch, blunt in hand as they catch each other up on both their lives. It seems that Joshua missed out on a few things since the snowstorm had hit their city. Quite a lot more than he was expecting, but he wasn’t all that surprised. He knows if you put a woman and Jeonghan in a room all alone, something is bound to happen. 

“You’re actually disgusting,” he rolls his eyes, passing the lit blunt over to Jeonghan. “Have you talked to her?” 

Jeonghan sighs, grabbing the weed from his friend to take a hit, the smoke immediately filling his lungs, calming him with every puff that he lets out. 

He hasn’t seen you since the last night of the snowstorm, and he isn’t sure where the two of you stand, but he does know that it won’t be the last time he has you cumming for him. He’ll make sure of it. 

“No, haven’t seen her since that Wednesday,” he shrugs, passing the joint back over to his friend. 

“Bro, what the fuck? It’s Friday, she probably thinks you don’t want to talk to her again.” Joshua gives him a disapproving look, but still takes another puff of the blunt handed over to him. 

Jeonghan wasn’t sure how to reach out to you, he isn’t even the type to go back for seconds either. Yet he wants seconds with you, thirds, and even fourths, but how does he tell you that without sounding like he’s completely simp? It’s just not his style to beg, his pride tends to get in the way. 

“Do you want to talk to her again?” Joshua asks him, curious as to whether this is someone his friend is actually falling for. 

Joshua has watched Jeonghan go through his fair share of girl problems, but in all the years he’s known Jeonghan, he’s never seen him fall in love once. He assumes it’s his mommy issues or the fact that he doesn’t like being tied down to one person, but even then, the most indifferent of people can fall for the right person.

“I do. She’s different, Shua,” Jeonghan sighs, the high finally reaching his brain, the world becoming a fuzzy background. 

That moment with you two building legos that day lives rent-free in his mind, your willingness to open up to him made him feel warm inside. He felt like the Grinch who’s heart grew ten times bigger after watching you be so vulnerable with him. The view he had on you changed completely, from being his annoying roommate to a girl who’s smart, strong, and enjoyable to be around. You two had a lot in common and it surprised him, and it surprised him that he was able to get along with you, despite all the arguing he put you through. 

“Then what the hell are you doing? Talk to her!” Joshuas chastises him, trying to knock some sense into the idiot he calls his friend.

They both look at each other for a moment, eyes red from the weed they had been smoking. A disappointed sigh left Joshua’s lips. Even though he could feel his high hitting him, he felt as though he still had more common sense than Jeonghan had when he was sober.

“And say what? Hey, I liked eating you out, can we do it again?” Jeonghan scoffs, still not sure how to bring up what had gone down that day. 

“Yes? That’s what you want isn’t it?” 

“It is, but that makes me sound like a needy loser,” Jeonghan grimaces before finishing off the rest of the shared joint in hand, leaving the rest in the ashtray on the table in front of him.

“You’re so annoying, let your pride go for once before she starts to resent you again,” Joshua huffs, annoyed that he’s high and still dealing with Jeonghan’s shit, “She literally just forgave you for being an asshole too, so don’t fuck up again please, for my mental health.” 

Although Jeonghan hates to admit it, Joshua is right. He knows that he should at least put effort in talking to you, but he just doesn’t know where to start. Hopefully, you’re still willing to talk to him, or else Joshua might just nag his ear off till he’s old and shrivelled. 

VIII. 

Beep beep beep. Click. 

The sound of the door unlocking brings you out of your thoughts, and you know exactly who it is. Your heart is pounding out of your chest as you sit on the couch, attempting to act unbothered as Jeonghan makes his way past the front entrance. Conflicted on whether you should address his presence or not, you decide to continue watching Gossip Girl as if he’s not there. 

“Y/n.” Your heart skips a beat as you hear him call out for you. 

You don’t even look at him, just letting out a “Hmm?”, eyes pretending to be trained on the TV. There’s a little bit of shuffling in the front room before he comes over to sit beside you on the couch. 

Jeonghan settles down a little too close to you, close enough for you to smell the scent of cologne and weed waft off of him and into your nostrils. The smell is strong yet not unpleasant, if anything you felt more attracted to him because of it. 

“I’m sorry we didn’t get to talk since…” He trails off, causing you to finally glance over at him.

His eyes were a bit red and glossed over, he must’ve still been a little high. The way he was staring you down like he just wanted to eat you, it was intoxicating. 

“Yeah, I guess we didn’t get to talk about what happened in the kitchen.” You try to keep your cool, but on the inside, you were freaking out. 

Not only because Jeonghan was actually making an effort to talk about what happened, but also because he looks so good right now. The lazy smirk across his face as he slowly invades your space is causing your brain to short circuit. 

Putting his arm around you, he leans into the couch a little more, wanting to fill all his senses with you and you only. “I liked it a lot. I just wanted to let you know.” 

“Oh,” is all you can say as your heart starts to pound in your chest. 

You weren’t sure on how to reply, this is the first time you’ve casually hooked up with someone. It was the first time you’ve hooked up with someone in general, and even though you want to proceed with caution, it’s like all thoughts leave your head when Jeonghan is around you. 

“I liked it too,” you finally tell him, scared he might just be saying all this because he’s still high. 

The same lazy smirk appears his on face again, eyes lidded as he stares at your features. Images of you cumming on his tongue fill his thoughts again; he can already feel all the blood rushing to his lower half. Just the sight of you spread out on the countertop for him could get him to cum in his pants, no matter how experienced he is. It hasn’t happened to him before, but you may just be the first person to get him there. 

“Would you be down to do it again?” he propositions, searching for any type of indication that you would indulge in his darkest fantasies. 

You look at him with uncertainty, even though you liked how he ate you out, would it be worth it to do it again? Would it be worth it to give him a piece of you, one that you thought you were going to save for someone who truly loved you? There’s so many questions you’re asking yourself, but the way Jeonghan’s gaze is trained on you has all those thoughts slipping away from your brain at the speed of light. 

Before even getting the chance to speak, you decide to let your actions do the talking instead. 

With one abrupt motion, you settle yourself on Jeonghan’s lap, immediately placing your lips on his with a sense of urgency. He’s taken aback with how forward you’ve become, but lets himself melt into the kiss regardless. Gripping harshly onto your hips, he kisses you back with as much passion, licking the inside of your mouth as if it holds the answers to all his problems. 

A moan slips past your lips as you feel his growing bulge rub against you through your thin sleep shorts, the way it’s poking at your clothed clit in the most delicious way has you going delirious with pleasure. 

“You sound so pretty when you moan like that,” he breathes against your neck, kissing his way down to your collarbones. 

As you lean more into his touch, Jeonghan’s hands find themselves back under your shorts once more. Gripping the flesh of your ass harshly before reconnecting your lips with his in a sloppy, wet kiss. His touch is hot and addicting like you could spend hours on top of him like this. The feeling of his body under yours has your stomach doing backflips as he continues to kiss you till your lips are bruised and red. 

“More,” you beg him, trying to indulge in all the pleasure he’s giving you. 

Jeonghan pulls away, his eyebrows raising with intrigue as he finally sobers up from his high. He wants nothing more than to take you onto his bed and fuck you like no tomorrow, but he has a feeling that that won’t happen tonight. Not that it bothers him, just that he wants to be in a better state before feeling you around his achingly hard dick. 

It’s so out of character for him to take things slow, especially because he’s always been a one-and-done type of guy. But this is different to him, hooking up with you is like he’s experiencing it all for the first time again. 

“You want me to fuck you, don’t you?” The wolfish grin on his face reaches his eyes, satisfied with how cock drunk you look, and he’s barely touched you yet. 

Nodding vigorously with pleading eyes, you grip his biceps in desperation. He doesn’t concede to your request just yet, instead, he simply pulls you off his lap to take you to his room. You follow him wordlessly, nervous as to what he has cooking up in that delinquent brain of his.

He sits you on the bed, telling you to stay put as he ruffles around his room in search of something. As he continued to seek out whatever it was, you began to take a look around his room, realizing that you’d never actually been inside it. The decorations adorning his room made it look so cozy; especially the warm mushroom lamp sitting on his nightstand and the fluffy blankets that lined his bed. The initial impression of his room screamed Jeonghan, especially because it’s so calm and comforting, even if your first impression of him was the complete opposite. After getting to know him a bit more, his personality translates clearly into his choice of decorations. 

“Found it!” he exclaims, turning around to show you what's in his hands.

A small bong in one and a tiny bag of weed in the other. You give him a questioning look but you already know what he is trying to allude to. 

“You want me to try it?” you ask him with uncertainty, but also not completely against the idea. 

He nods before quickly leaving to fill the glass bowl with some water. Only a few seconds later, he returns, taking a seat beside you on his bed. You weren’t sure what to do so you moved to lay against his headboard, watching him as he meticulously prepared the weed to pack into the bowl. His slender fingers wrap around the grinder till the flower is fine enough to smoke. Continuing to observe him, your eyes waver to his form, hunched over next to you as he places a few sprinkles of the drug into the slider. His biceps flex and unflexing with each movement he makes causing your mouth to salivate. You never thought someone could look so attractive simply packing a bowl of weed. 

“I’ll show you how it’s done first,” he smirks, already loving where this is going.

Just because he won’t fuck you tonight doesn’t mean you couldn’t have a little bit of fun in the meantime.

Jeonghan takes his lighter, sparking the drug till it's ready to be inhaled. The water inside the bong begins to bubble as he inhales, allowing the smoke to enter his lungs. Once all the white smoke leaves the stem he holds it in his mouth, dragging you by the arm to bring you closer to him. You aren’t sure where this is going, but you decide to just follow his lead. 

His face comes closer to yours, one hand on the bong to keep it steady, his free hand reaching for the side of your cheek, pulling you into an almost kiss. While his hand is on your cheek, he pulls your lower lip down with his thumb, indicating for you to open your mouth for him. He holds his breath till you comply, not wanting any of the vapour to go to waste. 

Once you do what he wants, he moves in even closer, till your lips are whispering against his. Then he lets go, allowing the smoke to enter your mouth, noses brushing against one another from the close proximity.  

“Be a good girl and inhale it for me,” he mutters, eyes trained on your face as you oblige to his request. 

The smell of the weed and his scent make your insides melt, and you can feel the wetness of your arousal starting to stick to your panties. You know enough about the drug to know that the effects of the weed won’t hit you right away, but the new experience is starting to excite you, making your body jitter with anticipation. 

Placing the bong on your lap, he packs another bowl expertly like it’s his everyday routine. You copy what he did earlier, placing your lips inside the rim and looking at him through your lashes as he lights it up. The water begins to bubble again as you try to inhale as much smoke as possible, but you are only able to take about half of what is in the stem. 

Your lungs felt like they were on fire, causing you to cough a bit from the heat of the smoke. Jeonghan only chuckles at your reaction, finding it endearing how hard you tried to take it all. He finishes off the rest of what’s left, blowing it out once it was inhaled properly before placing the glass onto his nightstand and pulling you onto his lap once more. 

“You did pretty well for a newbie,” he laughs, eyes lighting up as he notices that your gaze is now glossed over, the weed finally taking its effect. 

The heat on your cheeks clearly indicated that you felt flustered, all you wanted now was for him to pleasure you like he did once before. You hide your face into the crevice of his neck, not wanting him to see how red your face has gotten. 

“I didn’t think the first time I’d try weed would be with you,” your voice is muffled, still not really fully grasp the situation, or how you even ended up on his bed both high and horny. 

“Did you enjoy it at least?” he asks you, pulling your face out from where you were hiding. 

You nod, not able to look him in the eye as he rubs his hands up and down your sides, soothing you while your brain becomes foggy with thoughts of only him. Leaning into his touch more, you place a peck on his lips, giggling at how innocent it is compared to the position you’re in right now. He smiles up at you before leaning into you to give you a proper kiss. 

You’re completely engulfed in him, the weed heightening your senses, making you more sensitive to his touch. Every brush of his fingers is like a burst of mini fireworks exploding against your skin. It felt so good, having him in this way, underneath you and feeling the same sensations that you were experiencing. 

He groans as you deepen his kiss, grinding your hips against him just like you did not too long before. Jeonghan’s hands massage your bare thighs, wanting to hold onto you till you are out of breath. 

“Feels good, doesn’t it,” he mumbles against your lips, and you can only moan back in response. 

“Want you, please Hannie.” Your brain is mush, the nickname slipping past your lips accidentally, but with the way he groans, you can tell he enjoys the sound of it. 

Pulling away from his face completely, he watches your red eyes beg for him to take you. His resolve falters a little bit, but he’s adamant about his decision. He won’t fuck you, not when you’re both high. 

“Not today love, not like this,” he sighs, kissing up your neck, marking you till a little bruise forms. 

You whine, gripping onto his hair, letting the strands flow through your fingers. He enjoys the way you tug at him, his boner twitching underneath you. The feeling of his hard length flush against your clothed core makes you grind against him even faster. It made you wonder what it would feel like if he was actually in you, his length filling your velvet walls, but you don’t mind waiting till you’re actually sober enough to register everything. 

“I want to do something for you though,” you pout, your lip jutted out slightly. 

She’s cute when she’s high, he thinks to himself, enjoying this new side of you. Needy, submissive, just wanting to give yourself up to him. 

“Fuck, you’re adorable,” he says as he rests his head against the headboard, wanting to observe your every feature. “Wanna suck me off? Would you do that for me, baby?” 

You don’t need to be asked twice, getting off his lap till your face is positioned in front of his clothed erection. Jeonghan’s upper body is sat against the headboard, your intoxicating figure between his legs. 

This is the first time you’ve had the opportunity to give someone oral, and you were a little bit nervous about what to do. The anxious look on your face is clear as Jeonghan looks down at you. Luckily enough, you’ve seen a few pornos in your lifetime, so you use that to guide you on what to do next. 

A hand creeps up towards the band of his sweats, pulling down on both his pants and his boxers till his hard member slaps against his stomach. Jeonghan lets out a hiss as the cold air hits his length, the tip red and dripping with pre cum. The length surprised you, and you wondered if it would even fit inside you at all. 

You start by pumping his hardness up and down, collecting the drops of cum to lubricate your movements. Jeonghan gasps at the feeling, watching your small hand wrap around him. The lewdness of the situation turned him on even more. 

“You’re doing well baby,” he lets out with a strangled grunt, trying not to cum at the sight of you playing with him. 

The confidence of his praise radiated throughout your whole body, leading to your rookie mistake. You engulf his length in his mouth, trying to fit the whole thing, just wanting to give him the same pleasure he gives to you. Jeonghan yelps from how quick you are to take him whole, grabbing you by your hair to remove you from his dick. 

“Fuck, just wait, try starting slower, maybe lick it a little first,” he says with laboured breaths, trying to calm down from the heat of your mouth. 

Your cheeks flush from his advice, letting out a small sorry before doing what he says. 

Going slower this time, you stick your tongue out, licking and kissing up and down his member, hearing Jeonghan let out a satisfied sigh. You watch him through your lashes, his eyes lidded and red, filled with want as you continue your ministrations. 

“Just like that, fuck…” he continues to praise you, his fingers carding through the strands of your hair, helping you get it out of your face.

Your confidence peaks again as you begin to take his tip into your mouth. Sucking on it like it was a popsicle on a hot, sunny day. Jeonghan’s head lolls back and he begins to push your head down to take more of him. Going along with the rhythm, you slowly take more and more of him, to the point where his tip starts to hit the back of your throat. It almost makes you choke, tears threatening to spill from your eyes. 

Jeonghan on the other hand is completely enraptured by you and the way you’re taking his cock so well. The feeling of release slowly starts to creep up as you continue to bob your head down, the sounds of your mouth being fucked by Jeonghan’s member filling the room. 

“I'm close,” He groans, his grip on your hair tightening. 

The pace he set starts to speed up as you continue sucking on him, the underside of his length constantly being brushed by your wet tongue. The hand you placed on his thigh moves to massage the rest of him, the combination of both your hand and mouth sending Jeonghan over that impending edge. 

“Fuuck,” he swears, releasing his sticky load into your mouth. He watches you as you begin to sit up, not sure what to do with his cum, “Swallow it.” 

You do what he says, swallowing his seed. It didn’t taste as horrible as you expected it to, but it was extremely salty, causing you to make a face after. 

He only laughs at you, but pulls you into a kiss, placing you back onto his lap. Jeonghan admires your form, his hands trailing on your soft skin under your shirt. He gives you a look, silently asking permission to take it off of you, making you nod. Pulling it off, he goes straight for your breasts, kissing and sucking on them. You couldn’t help but moan, your hand finding its way to his long hair once again. 

“You must be soaked down there by now,” he mumbles as he continues to pepper kisses along your chest. “Want me to help with that?”

“Please.” 

He smiles against your breasts, clearly enjoying how needy you are getting for him. Grabbing you by the waist, he flips the two of you around till you're laying underneath him. A sound of surprise leaves your lips, but Jeonghan only smirks, ready to devour you. 

The next piece of fabric to leave your body is your shorts, then your panties. He throws them over his shoulder without a care in the world. The only thing he’s focused on right now is to make you feel good. 

He hooks the back of your thigh on his shoulders, your pussy glistening under the ambient lighting. Licking his lips, he doesn’t waste any more time teasing you, diving into the heat of your core. The pads of his fingers are prodding at your entrance, his tongue suckling on your puffy clit. 

The overflow of senses causes your hips to jolt up, and the sound of a half scream half moan fills Jeonghan’s ears. He hums against your mound in approval, enjoying how he has you squirming. The vibrations of his low voice make your eyes roll back, palms gripping the sheets as he continues to lick at your folds. 

“Hannie,” you whine, the nickname sounds like heaven to him coming from you. 

Jeonghan starts to get tunnel vision, focused on getting you to release, fast and hard. Two fingers breach your entrance, pumping in and out of you in a rushed pace. The feeling of his mouth right where you need it causes your spine to tingle, your head still buzzing from the high the weed gave you. This time is much more intense than the last, your legs wrapping themselves around his head like earmuffs as he continues to eat you. 

Every push and pull of his fingers, every lick from his tongue, you feel like you’re going crazy in the best possible way. The sound of him fingering you bouncing off the walls of his bedroom adds to it all. He begins to pay extra attention to your sensitive bud, kissing and sucking until he feels the gush of your orgasm on his fingers. 

“Hannie, please.” You’re practically sobbing from the pleasure, your body trying to recover from the intense climax. 

He looks up at you from where he’s laying, your face fucked out, lips swollen, body covered in purple and red from when he was marking you earlier. You looked like his own personal angel, one that came down from heaven just for him to corrupt. He loved the thought of being able to see you in such a compromising position, legs spread and wet from his saliva and your arousal. The tears falling down your cheeks are his favourite part, the fact that he can have you crying and begging for him in seconds gives him an unexplainable rush. 

Your eyebrows are knitted, breathing laboured from the high Jeonghan gave you. A high that is a million times better than the weed you smoked less than a couple hours ago. 

“You’re so fucking sexy like this angel,” he coins a new pet name for you, it fits you so well. Your body practically glowing after he had his way with you. 

“I’m tired now,” you pout, taking his chin into your hand, and guiding him back to you until the two of you are face to face. 

“You can sleep here if you’d like,” he mumbles, kissing your cheek, then your lips, then your forehead. 

Without a single protest, you get comfortable under his covers, letting his arm wrap around your bare waist as the two of you drift off. The oral sex had sucked out all your energy, literally. The high from the weed began to come down shortly after your orgasm, making your eyes droop and you into a dreamless sleep. 

Jeonghan didn’t fall asleep right away though, instead, he opted to watch your peaceful expression, your breathing becoming even as you lay beside him, your arm on top of his as you held him close. He’s completely enamoured by your beauty, it really does feel like you are his personal angel, one sent in disguise as a once annoying roommate. His view of you has completely changed; his thoughts lately have all been connected to you, to the point where he doesn’t think about anything else. None of it settled right with him. The fact that a single thought about you brought him peace, a feeling he didn’t get to experience as often till you. 

 For the first time in his life, he allowed someone he’s hooked up with to stay the night, not being able to bear the thought of sending you to your own room. He wants to be beside you, even if it means he is breaking the rules he’s set up for himself. 

…

When you wake up the first thing you hear is someone snoring in your ear. At first, it alarms you, till you remember you fell asleep in Jeonghan’s bed last night. Your eyes are wide as saucers when you realize that he’s the one gripping your waist while you lay with your back towards him. But what makes your heart skip a beat is how he didn’t ask you to go back to your room after you hooked up. You recall the fact that none of Jeonghan’s previous flings were allowed the stay the night. He didn’t have to tell you that, but you knew from observation that it wasn’t something he let just anyone do. It makes you feel special knowing he asked you, that’s until you recall what type of relationship you two have. 

To him, you’re just another girl he’s hooking up with, there’s no label on it. He hasn’t taken you on a date or told you he likes you, so what are you to him? Just his roommate he likes to have fun with? It made your head hurt thinking about it so early in the morning. 

You turn to face him, his grip unconsciously tightening with your slight movement. Taking a closer look at him, you’re surprised at how calm he looks while he’s asleep. His face was in a rested state, with no smirk, not even a furrow of the eyebrow. Just Jeonghan. 

A strand of hair covers his face, tickling his nose. Before you can think, your hand moves to brush the single strand away, placing it behind his ear as he continues to sleep. 

The fact you can even lay here, this close to him, watch him rest peacefully, made your heart do backflips. If someone were to watch from an outside perspective they would assume the two of you are dating, but unfortunately, that’s not the case. The lines of your “friendship” with him have blurred since you two started hooking up, and it’s making you wonder if you should detach from him before things get increasingly complicated. 

You sigh out loud, taking one last look at Jeonghan’s sleeping form. Giving him a kiss on the forehead before you collect your clothes and leave his room. 

 IX. 

“So you’re telling me that you and Jeonghan have been hooking up?!” Seungkwan’s jaw drops. “Like Jeonghan, Jeonghan? Yoon Jeonghan, the one I specifically warned you about?” 

You can’t help but roll your eyes at your friend as you watch his reaction to what you just told him. Honestly, it’s still hard for even you to believe, that you literally live with the man. 

Seungkwan invited you for a study session, which failed miserably after hours passed just catching up. You two decided to just give up and go to the dining hall to eat lunch instead, and then he asked you how things were going with your roommate, one thing led to another, and now you’re getting an earful. 

“Yes! Last time I recalled, there’s only one Jeonghanwe both know.” You roll your eyes at him, not wanting him to air out your business to the rest of the students in the dining hall. 

He side-eyes you, but you don’t want to hear it from him. You already knew that whatever you had going on with Jeonghan was a bad idea, you didn’t need Seungkwan to tell you that too. 

“I hope you’re being careful Y/nie,” he sighs. “Jeonghan and feelings don’t mix.” 

You hate to admit it, but he’s right, you know Jeonghan is trouble, but you can’t help but continue to give in to his temptation every time he’s around you. 

“I know. I’m trying, but honestly, I’m scared—” Your conversation gets cut off by your phone ringing Your heart drops to the pits of hell when you see the contact ID flashing on the screen. Mom. 

You scramble to pick up the phone, a shaky sigh leaving your lips as you hear your mom’s voice through the speaker. 

“Y/n? Me and your father would like to have a chat with you,” your mom sighs, the background sounding busy, kind of like how busy it sounds in the dining hall right now. 

“M-mom? What? Why?” you stuttered. 

Now you’re even more worried because your mom doesn’t call you unless it’s absolutely necessary. Your relationship has never been good, but it got increasingly worse when you told them you were moving away.

Seungkwan who is sitting across from you peers at you with curious eyes. He’s one of the only people who know what you’re parents are like. There have been many drunk conversations about how much you resented them, and he would be there to comfort you every time. 

“Well, we’ve come to visit, that’s why,” she declared. 

Shit, shit, shit. You’re absolutely fucked. 

“Huh? Why?” you continue to press her for answers. 

The beating of your heart intensifies as you begin to look around the dining hall, immediately zeroing in on the woman who looks exactly like your mom. If the world ended today, you would die happy. Nothing scares you more than having the people you ran away from showing up at your doorstep, a metaphorical doorstep in this situation. 

She spots you almost immediately, your dad points you out because you were probably the only two people who were talking on the phone right now. 

The line drops dead the moment you two make eye contact, and for the first time in months, you feel exactly the same way you did when you were still a child. Fearing your parents, having to be around them, enduring their every insult, it was all rushing back to you. You could feel the bile rise in your throat, eyes glossy as she makes her way to your table. 

“Y/n,” her tone was still as cold as the day you left. 

She glances over at Seungkwan with a grimace, the same one she gave you growing up. It angers you how easy it is for her to look down on one of the people you care about most, but Seungkwan isn’t the one to cower over anyone. He returns her scowl before promptly bidding you farewell, emphasizing that you should text or call him when you are free. You know that it was Seungkwan’s way of telling you to be careful and that he’s here for you once your parents leave. To say the least, you’re grateful that he’s your friend. 

“Mom, dad,” you match her tone. 

Standing up from your table, you finally meet with her at eye level, putting on a brave face, attempting to show her you’re not scared of her like you once were. You’re older now, but for some reason every time you’re around your parents you feel like that little girl again. The one who didn’t know why her parents couldn’t give her an inkling of their affection, a girl whom they raised through nannies, the same little girl they abandoned time and time again. 

“We just wanted to know where our daughter is going to school,” your dad says sternly, his cold demeanour unwavering. “We can’t just pay for it without knowing.”

“We also want to see where you’re living.” your mom adds, looking around to judge the state of the dining hall. 

You sigh, a part of you should’ve expected they would come to visit at least once, they are still paying for your tuition. Even then, you just didn’t want to think about seeing them again, just imagining it stresses you out beyond belief. You should’ve known they’re only concerned because they invested their money into you and going to school here. You’ve learnt a long time ago that their money will always be more important to them than their own daughter. Always. 

…

In the past few hours, they forced you to tour them around the campus, meet with almost every professor you had for the term, and request a report of your grades from the admissions office. The exhaustion caught up with you quickly, physically and mentally. You felt bad for any of your professors who decided to leave their office hours open, even though it was a Saturday. Watching their confused expressions as they endured every question your parents had asked them.

You walked with them to your apartment in complete silence, and all you could think about was whether Jeonghan was home or not. The day went by excruciatingly slow yet you still didn’t have enough time to warn him about your parents' surprise visit. 

Once you finally reached your building, you let them in begrudgingly, their faces filled with disgust as they invaded your space. Your mom is especially annoying, running her fingertips against the counters to check for dust; her designer bad tucked securely against her body as if someone was about to break into the apartment at any moment. 

You roll your eyes at her actions, offended that she thought that way of your home. Especially because you deemed it as a safe place to live, not really having any issues since you moved in.

“Y/n, you’re home?” Jeonghan calls out for you from his side of the apartment, causing you to jump slightly from the sudden sound of him shuffling around. 

Your parents give you an inquisitive look, confused as to why you didn’t mention that you were living with a roommate. 

Jeonghan emerges from the bathroom, shirtless and his long hair damp, using a towel to dry his hair. Your eyes widen at the sight, and you can hear your mom audibly gasp behind you. The blush on your cheeks grows as you start to fully register the situation you’re in. 

Before you could even begin to answer him, your mom tugged your arm harshly, pulling you into your bedroom before closing the door. 

“What the hell were you thinking, Y/n?!” she practically screams, as if she caught you in the middle of doing the deed. Her eyes are wide, completely in shock at the fact that you’re living with someone else, especially because the person you’re living with is of the opposite gender. 

“Y/n, why didn’t you mention that you’re living with someone, let alone a man,” your dad doesn’t raise his voice, but you could tell that he was equally as pissed as your mom. 

Oh, this is really bad, you thought. You couldn’t even look them in the eyes, not sure how to respond to their harsh inquiries. A part of you wants to cry, scream, anything, just so that they would leave. Praying to god that they would just go back to your hometown, and not to be seen again. 

“I was thinking that I needed a place to live, and I can’t possibly pay rent alone,” you shrug, the anger starting to rush through your veins. 

You’re done with your parents, you’re done with their constant ridicule, their need to judge everyone with their noses up in the air, as if they’re better than every person they pass as if they’re better than their own child.

Sometimes you wonder if you’re mother actually gave birth to you, because if she did, why does she treat you like an investment instead of a daughter? 

“You’re being incredibly stupid Y/n, we will not tolerate what you’re doing here,” your mom scolds you like you’re a child. “You better come back home, this place isn’t up to standard! You live with a guy who looks like he sells drugs for god’s sake.” 

“He has a name you know, and he doesn’t sell drugs!” you say with exasperation, tired of the constant criticism and belittling. 

“You don’t get to talk to us like that,” your father seethes, eyes blazing with anger. 

“I don’t need you two, you know. I had enough money to pay for the tuition, but yet you offered!” you yell. “If you two don’t like that I’m living with a man, then fine. I don’t care, cut me off! I’m tired of the two of you judging my every move, it’s the reason why I moved out in the first place. Do you even care about me? Or are you just here to make sure you’re getting your money’s worth?” 

“Don’t you dare raise your voice at us, young lady,” your mother threatened, pointing a finger at you. 

“See! You guys don’t even deny it,” you’re practically on the verge of tears, but you try to stay strong, “I’m not sorry for moving out, if anything it was the best decision I’ve made in my entire life.” 

“It better be because we will not accept you if you decide to come back to us when your money runs out,” your dad huffs, not even addressing anything else you’ve said prior. 

This is so typical of them, ignoring your desperate pleas to just admit that they don’t really care about you. It frustrates you beyond belief, but at least now you’re sure. This little visit of theirs confirms they don’t have a loving bone in their body. 

“Leave. I don’t want you contacting me ever again,” you sneered, motioning over to the door. 

As quickly as they came, they left without sparing you another glance as they made their way out of your home. 

Once they had gone, you felt everything in your body collapse, the stress of your fight with your parents finally catching up to you. 

X.

౨ৎ before Y/n comes home with her parents

Jeonghan woke up that morning with a lingering feeling of exhaustion from last night. He stirred in his sleep, subconsciously reaching for your warmth to realize that you were already gone; your half of his bed was left cold, the sheets wrinkled with the memory of where you had slept. 

There was a tight feeling in his chest knowing you didn’t stay in bed with him, but he kept reminding himself he had no right to yearn for you. He doesn’t have the right to ask you to stay, to cuddle with him, laugh with him. Jeonghan doesn’t feel as though he has the right to admire the crinkle in your eyes when you smile wide, or the way he can see the stars shining in your eyes when you talk mindlessly about your passions. 

After everything, Jeonghan knows he doesn’t have the right to you. He knows all these things, and he knows enough to convince himself to not pursue you, but he’s a selfish being, and like the selfish being Jeonghan is, he only wants you. 

Jeonghan spent the rest of his Saturday in peace, or at least that is what it would seem like from an outsider’s perspective. In reality, his every waking thought is about you, or what you are doing, or who you are with. It feels so foreign to him, thinking about a girl he’s barely slept with. The fact that he is concerned about you scares him, but he still can’t stop himself from wondering anyway. 

Instead of facing his feelings head-on, he does what he does best—calling up Joshua and asking him to get high.

“It’s fine if you like her,” Joshua mumbles, trying to cure his munchies by snacking on turtle chips, “What did you expect? You spend so much time with her, she’s literally your roommate.” 

The two of them sit on the couch, taking hits back and forth while watching South Park, their favourite show to binge while they get high. Except Jeonghan could barely pay attention when you are constantly tormenting his innermost thoughts. Not even a high that has saved him countless times could save him from you. 

“Is it normal to think about someone this often? I feel like I’m going crazy,” Jeonghan sighs, taking another hit from Joshua’s dab pen. 

“You’re not going crazy, you’re just falling in love.” 

XI. 

 ౨ৎ after the fight with y/n’s parents

The soft knock on your door brings you out of your thoughts, causing you to move from where you sit lifelessly, tears staining your cheeks. Your limbs feel heavy like your muscles were a pile of bricks. The few steps from the door feel like it’s taking hours, the weight of the door knob causing your wrist to ache. 

By the time you open the door, the first thing your eyes meet is the worrying look on Jeonghan’s face. His eyebrows knotted, lips turned down in a frown. All he wanted to do was wrap his arms around you and shield you from all the horrors of the world. That's what he tries to do at least, running up to you to hold you close. 

What he expected was for you to welcome him with open arms, allowing him to give you the same warmth you give him. What really happened gave him a shock, one that quickly turned into hurt then into betrayal. 

You begin to cry harder, sobs raking your body by the second, all the while Jeonghan tries to engulf you in a hug. What he assumed would bring you comfort only overwhelmed you even more. Your cries are inconsolable, your breathing uneven, causing you to hiccup as he tries to invade your space. Although you don’t mean it, your instincts take over you, pushing him away as hard as you can.

“Get the fuck away from me!” you scream through each hiccup, your arms in front of you as you try to get him as far away as possible. 

Jeonghan feels hurt, the way you beg him not to touch you breaks something inside him, something that he isn’t sure he can fix alone. He wants to be there for you, but clearly, all you want is to be alone. 

“I’m sorry Y/n,” is all he says as he backs away from you, closing your door with a reverberating slam.

…

It had been a week after the incident and you still haven’t mustered up the courage to talk to Jeonghan. Guilt brews in your stomach every time you think about what happened, the look on his face, the hesitation in his actions, it’s all burned into your memory. You aren’t sure why you had cried so hard, and what compelled you to react to his comfort in that way, but you can’t help but feel sorry. All Jeonghan wanted to do was help you, and you pushed him away. 

You pick at the food on your plate as you're surrounded by the rowdiness of the dining hall, Soonyoung and Seokmin argue about something incoherable beside you. Tuning everything out, you can only think about Jeonghan, what he could possibly be doing right now, and if he’s thinking about you just like how you’re thinking of him. 

“Y/n, is everything okay?” your highly observant friend asks, his eyes practically piercing into your soul. 

Soonyoung and Seokmin go silent as they look at you and then back at Seungkwan, worried as to why you’re looking so glum. Seokmin who is sitting beside you, puts his arm around your shoulder, trying to comfort you, even though he isn’t sure why you’re so upset. 

“Huh? Yeah just thinking about that fight I had with my parents,” you frown, playing with the sad-looking mashed potatoes on your plate. Your fork makes patterns mindlessly as you keep recalling the look on their faces when you finally explode. 

“I’m sorry that happened Y/n, I’m sure they’ll come around eventually,” Seokmin whispers to you, patting your head. 

Glancing up at your friend, you return his smile half-heartedly. You weren’t sure how to tell them that you practically got disowned. The thought of it makes you feel like you’re about to throw up, but the thought of Jeonghan makes you feel even more sick. 

“I’m more worried about the fact that Jeonghan and I haven’t spoken since that night,” you sigh. “I pushed him away while he was trying to comfort me, and I’m sure he heard my parents call him all those nasty things, and I haven’t talked to him since then.” 

The three stooges look at each other, like they’re speaking telepathically before looking back at you with a pitiful expression. They all knew how involved you got with your roommate, but they weren’t aware of how deep you had gotten with him. Of course, they are worried, but they also understand that you’re old enough to make your own decisions. 

“I know we warned you about him darling, but I’m sure if you talk to him, you’ll be able to clear things up properly,” Seungkwan squeezes your hand reassuringly.

You give him a grateful look, thanking the universe once again for gifting you such good friends. 

“Fuck your parents actually, we’ll be your new family Y/nie,” Soonyoung gives you a deathly serious look, his goofiness causing a laugh to erupt from your lips. “Let us know what happens with Jeonghan when the time comes.” 

There’s a reason why your parents came to visit that night, and maybe this is the universe telling you that you needed to sever your connection with them so that you can finally be free. Allowing you to find a new family actually worth caring about. 

XII. 

The sound of your broken voice, the way you pushed him away, replays in Jeonghan’s head constantly. He tried everything to erase it from his memory. The non-stop partying, drinking, getting high with Joshua– nothing worked. Even before bed, when he starts to feel sleep take over him, his eyes shoot open again with the image of you screaming at him, crying deliriously. 

Then he remembers your warm smile, your laugh and the way it would delightfully ring through his ears. All the good memories he’s kept in his mind, all replaced with you. He continues to ask himself, how did this all come to be? After all the bickering, how did he end up falling for you? Was it the intimacy you two shared? Or did Jeonghan’s subconscious just know that you were meant to bring him down to earth, to be the one who pulls his head out of the clouds. 

For a long time, Jeonghan had known he was floating, soulless, just a shell of a human before you came along. No one has ever brought such an array of emotions out of him before. Constantly going through the motions of life, fucking a different girl every day, getting high to numb a pain he couldn’t pinpoint. 

He thought he knew himself enough, he thought that not having his mom around didn’t affect him. But it did, and the moment he told you about her absence, he started to realize that it affected him more than he’d like to admit.

It was the look in your eyes, the comfort that was behind them, the lack of pity but more of a sense of empathy. He just felt comfortable, he felt like he could tell you anything and you wouldn’t judge him, or make him feel like he’s some charity case, you were just you.

Flashback to y/n and jeonghan bonding…

The ramen shop was practically done, with just a few more pieces left to spare before you two have completed the whole thing. Jeonghan sat beside you, both of your backs against the base of the couch, legs crisscrossed. 

It was the day after you two shared your first kiss, yet you couldn’t help but still act shy around him. Even though it was only a few hours after he had given you oral on the kitchen counter. There was minimal conversation between the two of you, just slowly putting pieces of Lego together. The silence was comfortable, and it surprised you how serene you felt just being around him.  It was still a little hard to believe because just a few days ago you couldn’t stand being around one another.

It wasn’t until Jeonghan decided to break that silence, making you believe he felt just as calm around you as you were with him.

“You know how I told you yesterday, that it was only me and my dad?” he speaks up. “Well, my mom would visit me from time to time, hoping my dad had money to spare whenever she went broke.”

You don't dare say a word, just listening to what he has to say, letting him finally pour his feelings into someone who actually cares about what he has to say. 

 “I would hold so much anger towards her. For not being there, for not caring about me or my dad unless money was involved,” he continued. “She would get what she wanted and leave the next day. No thank you, no calls, nothing. As a kid, I didn’t understand why she couldn’t just stay, or why she couldn’t just tell me once that she loved me. I still hold resentment towards her to this day.” 

He looked so sorrowful, and your heart aches for him, especially because you could relate to not hearing the words “I love you”, longing for that person to just tell you, even if it was only once. The constant begging, wishing upon a star that you would hear words of affection from someone who didn’t care, you knew it all too well. 

Instead of saying anything, you pull Jeonghan into a hug, tight to the point he could feel his lungs constrict. It wasn’t even from lack of air, only utter and complete surprise, as well as the shock of feeling sparks flowing throughout his body as you held him close. He didn’t say anything after that, just allowing himself to be held by you, allowing himself to feel an ounce of affection that he was never able to receive from his mother. It was to the point that tears almost spilled from his eyes, but he did his best to keep them at bay, his pride always preceding him in everything. 

It was that day that Jeonghan knew he couldn’t possibly let someone like you go so easily, and that if he really let himself, he could fall for you, hard. 

XIII.

The sound of the TV echoing throughout your apartment shocks you as you enter. You didn’t expect Jeonghan to be home so early, it makes you nervous. The same guilty feeling you felt earlier swirls in your stomach; your process of removing your winter coat is slow as you try to buy yourself time, preparing for what type of explanation you’re going to give him. 

You take a whole five minutes to get yourself settled before heading over to the living room, Jeonghan’s face glowing due to the light of the screen, his expression sombre. Probably because he knows you’re home, but is also unsure of whether or not to call out for you. 

The tension is thick, and it makes your saliva hard to swallow, but you want to talk to him. After everything that happened, you just miss his presence, his scent, his teasing, everything.

“Oh, look who decided to finally show up,” he glances at you, his eyes taking in your frame. 

You scoff, offended by how hostile he’s acting. Although you can’t blame him for not welcoming you with open arms, you didn’t expect him to act like this. 

“I could say the same thing for you,” you spit, your face burning with a growing anger. 

Jeonghan lets out a bitter laugh, and it makes you grimace, you can’t believe his reaction, he’s acting the same way he did when he first met you. His anger always besting him, even when he knows nothing good will come from it. 

“Just didn’t want to overstep, you were pissed off at me the last time I saw you,” he scoffs, pausing the show he was watching on the TV. 

He stares at you, waiting for your next move. The look on his face is comparable to when you first met him, when you two first fought. It wasn’t the Jeonghan you had grown used to. 

“I didn’t mean to push you away, and I’m sorry, I was in a really bad state and I wasn’t thinking right,” you exasperate. Your hands flailing all over the place trying to explain your actions from that night. 

Jeonghan doesn’t move a muscle, he’s obviously hurt by what you did. But you are even more hurt, having to finally face your parents and watch them admit to caring about you. Them always avoiding your pleas of just admitting they didn’t really love you, spoke louder than any words they could’ve ever said. If there was one person in the world who could understand that pain, it should be Jeonghan.But here he is, his own hurt and rejection turning into the anger that he’s directing at you. 

“We could’ve talked after you had calmed down, I thought you knew I would be there for you, but you ignored me,” he raises his voice, standing up from the couch to meet eye-to-eye with you. 

As he stalks over, your voice becomes caught in your throat. He towers over you, the blazing frustration prominent in his eyes, and yet you know him well enough to know that it’s all a front for his hurt. 

“I don’t know why I didn’t and I’m sorry, how many times do I have to tell you?” You articulated. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted to see me after what happened, after what my parents called you! I’m ashamed at the fact they misjudged you like that.” 

“I don’t care about what your parents think of me, I don’t care what anyone thinks of me, I only care what you have to say.” 

“W-what?” you stutter, not sure what point Jeonghan is trying to make. 

He sighs, running his hands through his long hair. It annoyed you how good-looking he is, even when you two are in the middle of screaming at each other. Your resolve slowly starts to chip away the longer you look at him. 

“You really think those hookups meant nothing to me? I confided in you about something I’ve never told anyone, not even Josh,” he admits, his breathing picking up as he stares at you, searching your eyes for any indication that you felt the same. 

His words resound through the apartment, and you feel it send a shock down your spine. You thought everything you felt for him was one-sided, that you would eventually get hurt by the fact that he could never reciprocate your feelings. The once playboy who you thought didn’t surrender to any woman, let alone someone who you thought he hated not too long ago, is surrendering his feelings to you. 

“You care about me?” is the first question you ask. 

“Of course, I care about you Y/n. I can’t sleep or eat properly because you’re tormenting every crevice of my brain. I thought I was going crazy because no one has ever had this effect on me,” he confesses, his eyes still trained on yours. “Every waking moment, when I’m asleep, you’re all I can think about. A-and it’s so frustrating, it’s frustrating how I just want to be around you all the time, I just want to care for you.” 

You don’t even know what to say, your mouth goes dry. Jeonghan can see that you’re struggling to find the words, and he takes it as a sign that you don’t feel the same way. His body slowly moves away from yours, trying to remove himself from the scene, not wanting to wait to hear your rejection. 

“I like you too,” you finally reply. 

Words so simple compared to Jeonghan’s confession, and yet the surge of emotion it brought out of him is of a higher magnitude even he cannot understand. The swell in his chest, his heart beating a hundred miles an hour after hearing you confess in such a simple way. All he cares about is that you feel the same. 

Instead of saying more, you just pull him into a kiss, allowing his lips to dance against yours, and that’s enough for him. Your actions do all the talking for you. 

“Say it again,” he mumbles, his lips close enough to yours that you could his breath fan your face. 

“I like you, Jeonghan.” 

He captures you again, moving against you till your back is pressed against the wall. Caged in his hold, his hands tighten on your waist, not wanting to let you slip away from him any longer. His tongue slipped past your mouth, licking you up with so much passion but still filled with care and tenderness. 

You moan as his hands rub against your sides, feeling him everywhere, breathing in his scent. His hand moves to the back of your head, not wanting you to feel any discomfort from being flush with the wall. It’s the small things that he does, his calculated actions always making your heart swell. You know it’s probably a force of habit, but the fact that he doesn’t anyway reveals his caring nature, a piece of him you never thought existed till you started hooking up with him. 

“I want you,” you break away from the kiss to tell him. 

You search his eyes, examining how they’ve gotten heavy with lust, you know he felt the same. Jeonghan only nods, taking your hand to bring you to the room. You know what’s coming, and you initiated it. Even though you asked for it, the nervousness in your stomach still doesn’t subside. 

The lights were dim, the sunset leaking past your curtains, making your skin glow angelically. Jeonghan stares at you with awe, your features highlighted by the gleam of the sun rays. He knows you’re beautiful, he admires you even when you don't notice it. But there is something about the way you look right now, the anticipation of this moment, as well as your nervous blush; it causes all his thoughts to come to a halt the moment his gaze lands on you. 

“Please Jeonghan, fuck me,” you beg him, the arousal between your legs gets harder to ignore with each second that passes, “I’m ready.” 

“Whatever you want, as long as you’re sure,” He gives you a serious look, just wanting some form of consent. 

“Yes please,” you whine, reattaching your lips on his. 

He doesn’t hesitate anymore, allowing himself to get drunk on your touch instead. Slowly moving over to the bed, you feel the back of your knees hit the mattress. You let yourself fall, Jeonghan laying on top of you, showing you no mercy as he places kisses tenderly along the base of your neck. Soft exhales leave your lips as he continues to shower you with affection, the now-familiar feeling of pleasure swirling in your stomach once again. 

Jeonghan takes his time, he’s in no particular rush when it comes to you. All his past hookups were finished within an hour or so. With you it’s different, he could adorn your body with love till morning, and some more after that. He sucks and licks your neck till bruises form, then sits back to admire his work. The smirk on his face is filled with satisfaction, your needy gaze causing his hardening member to constrict against his jeans. 

“I wanna make you feel good first,” He declared, giving you space to properly lay down on your bed, your clothed core facing him, legs spread. 

He moves down, laying between your thighs, unbuttoning your jeans without a word. His teasing nature comes into play as he spends an excruciatingly long time taking off your clothes. The impatience that you’re feeling starts to grow, taking off your shirt and bra as he finishes removing the remaining clothes from your bottom half. 

He chuckles at your enthusiasm, his face so close to your core that his nose nudges your clit slightly. The shocks of pleasure crawling up your spine and he’s barely laid a finger where you need him most. 

“So needy, I adore that about you,” he mumbles.

He peppers soft kisses up your legs till he latches his lips on your pussy. Licking your folds all while he ignores your swelling bud. He could practically feel it pulsing every time he brushed past it slightly. Jeonghan loves the way you taste, so sweet and wet, your juices leaking past your entrance and onto your sheets. If he could, he would just stare at you from this position for hours. Watching you whine and writhe within his hold, begging for him to touch you. 

“I need you to eat me out,” you keep begging, “make me cum please.” 

“Such filthy words coming out of that pretty little mouth,” he tsks, but he gives in to your request anyway.

His tongue lays a flat strip against your mound, licking up what’s left of your dripping arousal. One hand gripping your thigh to keep you spread, while his free hand teased your entrance before fully plunging two fingers in. The feeling of his fingers filling up your hold causes you to let out a salacious moan, your back arching off the bed. You look like you came straight out of a porn movie and Jeonghan can’t take his eyes off your expression. 

His long slender fingers hit you right where you need it, making you keen, the sound of your wetness squelching is like music to Jeonghan’s ears. Stars are starting to form behind your eyelids as his tongue suckles on your clit, getting you close to completion embarrassingly fast. 

Your hands move down to grip Jeonghan’s hair, pulling at the strands as you try your best to focus on your orgasm, thoughts of him fucking you on your bed filling your thoughts. Imagining his length slide inside you triggers your release, the gush of your arousal filling his mouth. Jeonghan groans, your tight pussy gripping his fingers as he feels you cum. 

“Mmh Hannie,” your words are barely discernable as you try to come down from your high. 

He moves back up to place a kiss on your lips before getting rid of his clothes. You watch him with a fucked-out look. Eyes lidded, pupils blown, you’re practically salivating as you stare at Jeonghan’s slender but toned frame. He smirks when he notices you ogling, moving to hover over you, the feeling of his hard cock brushing past your leg. 

Placing his lips back on yours, you two lay there for a minute, kissing and touching each other. Jeonghan just wants to savour you as if this moment is his last, even though that is not the case, he will continue to treat you this way till there’s a time when he can’t do so anymore. 

“Please, fuck me, please I need it,” you blabber against his lips, not wanting to wait another second. 

“Do you have a condom?” He pulls away to ask you. 

“I want it raw. I’m clean, promise,” you tell him in between kisses. 

The moment you mentioned fucking raw, it’s like Jeonghan’s brain went haywire, thoughts of feeling you completely plague his brain. The thought of getting to feel you without the thin plastic in the way, he would die happily with a smile on his face. 

“Fuck are you sure? I’m clean too, but are you really sure baby?” He continues to ask you, not wanting this to be a rash decision you would regret after. 

“I’m on the pill, it’s ok, trust me,” you assure him, the neediness in your voice becoming stronger. 

Jeonghan’s member twitches against you, making you aware of the fact that he likes the idea of it all. He mumbles incoherent swears against your lips as he tries to collect himself, not wanting to blow a load prematurely. He may be experienced but the thought of fucking you raw could get him to cum untouched. 

He doesn’t miss a beat, moving to sit back on his heels, lining up his dick with your entrance, the tip red and leaking with precum. He rubs it against your folds to coat himself in your slick before collecting his spit, the saliva dropping onto his shaft and adding to the lubrication. Moans leave your lips as you feel his prod at you with his length, the pleasure going off in waves. Looking down, he watches his member gliding against your pussy lips, and you just watch him enjoy himself. It's agonizing, being this close and still not feeling him enter. 

“I’m going crazy, please, just put it in,” you whine, laying with your elbows supporting you, watching Jeonghan tease you relentlessly. 

“You better watch your mouth before I make you suck me off instead,” he warns you, his domineering side coming out again. 

You shut up quickly, trying to calm yourself before you combust with impatience. Something about Jeonghan makes you so needy for him, the eagerness to feel him finally fuck you after not having any penetrative sex starting to pile up on you. You’re a virgin but for Jeonghan it was like another version of you unleashes itself when he’s pleasuring you. Constantly craving his touch, wanting to feel his mouth on you, he’s just so addictive. 

Jeonghan finally pushes himself past your entrance, letting his cock fill you completely. Tears start to sting your eyes from the stretch, you knew it was going to hurt, but nothing could’ve prepared you for this feeling. He doesn’t stop though, slowly thrusting in and out till you get used to the feeling. 

The discomfort leaves shortly after, letting pleasure rush through your veins, and you whine out for him, your head thrown back against your pillow. His length continues to hit that sensitive part against your walls, making you clench around him. 

“F-fuck you’re so tight,” He groans, removing himself from your sopping core till only his tip remains. 

Jeonghan takes the back of your thighs, pushing them against your chest before thrusting into you again. The angle is deeper this time and you almost let out a scream as he grinds his hips against yours. 

“Jeonghan, feels so good,” you call out deliriously, your brain hazed with pleasure. 

He leans in so the two of you are chest to chest, peppering your face with kisses as he continues you fuck you. The feeling of your tight walls constricting against his dick is making him twitch inside you. He’s never had raw sex with anyone before, but now that he knows what it feels like, he won’t ever go back, but only for you. You’re the only one he wants to see filled with his cum. The only one who he gets to plant his seed in and watch it drip out after. 

“Shit,” Jeonghan swears, feeling your grip on him. 

Your pussy starts to convulse with every thrust, and he knows you’re about to cum. Taking things up a notch, he begins to pound himself into you, and the sound of skin slapping echoes throughout your room. His hand snakes down to your clit to rub it in circles, making your vision go white. 

He leans back again, holding your legs open and in the air, hypnotizing himself with the sight of his member disappearing inside you. The feeling of his orgasm coming closer as you continue squeezing him tight. 

“Gonna cum,” you moan, your chest pounding, pussy sore from the beating it’s taking. 

Jeonghan knows he’s close too, and once he senses your orgasm on his cock he cums shortly after, groaning as he fills you to the brim. The feeling of his cum spilling in you satisfies you in a way you didn’t think was possible, and you know you’re going to be asking him to do so every time. 

“You make me crazy, that’s the best orgasm I’ve had,” he admits. 

Jeonghan’s breathing is laboured, letting go of your legs as he lays himself against your chest. You brush through his hair while giggling at his sudden confession, it makes you blush, especially knowing his history. You could still feel him inside you, and for some reason you liked it, just having him lay there with his length engulfed in your walls. 

“Who would’ve thought we would’ve ended up like this,” you mumble, still running your fingers through his strands, his face smothered in your breasts, kissing them tenderly. 

“You put a spell on me or something,” his voice muffled into your chest, “I’m obsessed with you now, so you can’t get rid of me.” 

You laugh at his declaration, kissing the top of his head. The fact that he’s clingy with you after sex is surprising, but endearing at the same time. 

“Do you want to finish building our ramen shop?” Jeonghan asks, lifting his face from where he’s lying on you.

You give him an inquisitive look, wondering why that’s the first thing he asks you after he just defiled you and took your virginity. But you don’t mind it either, you had almost forgotten about the scattered pieces that sat on top of the coffee table, waiting to be completed. 

“We can if you want, but maybe we should clean up first,” you giggle. 

The sound of your laughter rings through Jeonghan’s ears, making his chest swell with happiness. He never thought that the sound of your voice would bring him so much joy. The initial dread when he heard your voice turned into something more. It may be too early to tell you he loves you, but he knows he’s getting there, and this time he isn’t scared. This time Jeonghan doesn’t mind the fuzzy feeling in his chest when he sees you, or the fact that sparks fly when you touch him. 

He had once thought that he was going mad because of the emotions you evoked out of him, but now he understands. He understands that he’s meant to fall for you; the angel who came down to earth to teach him that there's more to life than just going through the motions. 

Epilogue. 

“Seugkwan,” your boyfriend grimaces as he sees your best friend approach your table in the dining hall. 

“Jeonghan.”

Seungkwan gives Jeonghan a good look up and down, his analytical eyes scanning him as if he can see through your boyfriend's soul. He glowers at the way Jeonghan’s hand holds your thigh possesively, hating how easily it was for him to slither his way into your mind and dicknotize you. 

That’s what Seungkwan likes to call it, scolding you about how Jeonghan hypnotized you with his dick. You found it silly how he could come up with such a word, but for some reason, it’s now a coined term within your friend group. 

“Kwan, are you going to just stare at him all day or are you going to sit down?” You sigh, wondering why the two of them just don’t seem to get along. 

Seungkwan huffs, his stubborn personality not allowing him to sit down till he’s won, he’s not sure what he’s supposed to win, but his watchful gaze on Jeonghan keeps him standing. 

“That depends, will Jeonghan disappear if I decide to take a seat?” He rebutted, his chin held up high. 

You laugh at how dramatic he is, but you know that Seungkwan acknowledges how much Jeonghan has changed. Even after knowing him for so many years, he’s seen how much nicer Jeonghan has been to him and the two dummies named Soonyoung and Seokmin.

“No, he won’t, unfortunately,” you sigh, “but I want you here, so sit.” 

“Yeah, Seungkwan sit,” Jeonghan smirks, until he realizes what you had just said, “Wait what? Unfortunately? Baby, why would you say that?” 

Seungkwan laughs at Jeonghan’s butt-hurt face, finally taking a seat across from the two of you. He watches as Jeonghan pesters you on what you meant by “unfortunately”. Whining about how you said that you would stop teasing him in front of your friends. 

Even though Seungkwan likes to pretend that he doesn’t like Jeonghan, he’s really started to see Jeonghan's true personality when he’s not acting like a complete asshole. And as long as he’s treating you right, he doesn’t actually care if you two are dating. If you're happy, Seungkwan’s happy. 

“Okay! Stop acting like a kid, I was just joking,” you groan, covering Jeonghan’s mouth with your palm. “Anyways, now that he’s silenced, how was your weekend?” 

Before Seungkwan could answer your question, Jeonghan’s tongue shoots out to lick your palm. A shriek to erupts from your lips, pulling your hand away from his mouth. You turn to him with a horrified look on your face, only to see him smirking back at you. 

“Gross! Don’t do that again!” you smack the back of his head lightly. 

“Ow! I’ve done worse to you, why are you mad!” Jeonghan argued, rubbing the spot on his head where you hit him. 

“Jeonghan, enough! We’re in public,” you whisper at him, curious eyes around the dining hall peering at the two of you. 

Seungkwan only laughs, watching you scold him like he’s a dog who ate food off the dinner table. 

You sigh at him as you fake your anger, the amused glint in your eyes reflecting in the light as you watch Jeonghan pout. It’s funny to see him this way, playful and clingy. You didn’t expect that side of him to come out in public, but you’re glad that he feels comfortable enough to act childlike around you and your friends. 

Being able to witness this side of him brings you a lot of happiness, even though you two are constantly bickering, it’s all for laughs this time. When you two first met, the fighting was real and unforgiving, you thought you hated Jeonghan. But the universe had different plans in mind, and even though it was unexpected, you wouldn’t have it any other way. 

end.

© wonustars

𖦹 a/n: that's all! thank you for reading and i hoped you liked it :3!! don't be afraid to send me an ask or comment, and reblog. i appceiate your support 💞

𖦹 fic taglist: @writingbarnes @yuyunhoo @blurr3db3rry @noiceoofed @aaniag @yogurttea @arcofagamotto @lovrchl @woozixo @unusuallyshy @if-i-like-i-reblog @angelfeverdream @leahhhher @hanniebwii @whowantshota @zezedoesshit @dawgyeom @yoonzinoooo (also tagging my lovely star @lololololchips just cuz :p)

(for those who signed up for the taglist, and i couldn't tag, i've removed them sorry. perm tag list will be in the reblog!)

“Exes to lovers,” you start. 

“What do you think of me in that genre?” you add to your best friend, Joy. 

“For starters, it is your genre,” she shoots back, causing her to snort at the jab she just gave you. 

“Funny,” you reply sarcastically. 

“But it is,” she defends, “You sabotage yourself when time comes that all good things happen to you and end up hung up on the person you let go eons ago because you realize how good they were.” 

You do not have anything else to say. She’s right. You did it so many times. It’s a sleepover at your place tonight—a tradition that started when you both got out of the university and had less supervision from your parents. Joy is the youngest and only girl in the family, while you, on the other hand, are an only child. Both roles in the family that put you two through shit holes and are the reasons why you’ve been friends since senior high school. 

Focusing on the movie and trying not to deconstruct the characterization of the people in it (an impossible mission, by the way, since you write for a blog and Joy is a passionate Literature graduate), you take a swig of your alcohol, and she digs for another scoop of ice cream using her spoon. It’s a Saturday night, and just like everyone else, you’re both taking your mind out of work. 

“Did you confirm you’re coming to Isabela and Mingyu’s engagement?” Joy raises an eyebrow. 

“Oh shoot!” You exclaim, using your hands to look for your phone in between the cushions of your leather sofa frantically. 

You forgot it once again after taking note to check the email many times mentally. It’s one of those annoying things about you that you hate—being forgetful of many things. 

You were not really like this before. Your friends and family know how good you were with the small things—how you know about all the details, even if they were never explicitly shown to you. In one of those drinking sessions you had with your internet bestfriend of fifteen years, he shared how this attribute of yours before may have stemmed from your constant worry that the person you were with at a particular moment would hate you just because of a single action or word you had blurted out. To sum it up, basically, he said that your good memory was a sign of hyper awareness because of abandonment issues. You swore that you had said ‘damn’ a lot of times during that night. It was one of those nights that alcohol felt like weed to you and Joey, that you turned into modern philosophers. 

After what felt like an eternity of your hands between the cushions of your sofa and a momentary flashback of one of those mind-boggling drinking sessions you had that was caused by the variety of alcohol you can’t even recall anymore, you finally have the phone in your hand.

“Do you think he would be there?” You ask Joy. 

She pauses the movie playing on the television and faces you. You brace yourself for the monologue she’s about to give you for asking the question. 

“If he is, are you ready?” She asks back. 

It’s one of those things that gives you the ick in Filipino culture, the art of answering questions with another question. 

“Kumain ka na ba? (Did you eat already?).” 

“Bakit? (Why?)” 

You wanted to ask Joy a question, and yet, she has managed to open Pandora's box by answering with another question. 

“I think I am? He might be married already,” you reply. 

“Do you want me to check it for you?” she asks. 

You shake your head, “It’s none of my business anymore.” 

Joy has always hated you talking about your ex-boyfriend before. She has always said that it’s counterproductive for you to speak of something that you ended yourself. Maybe she was disappointed, or maybe she’s being moved by her pity towards you. You never asked, even though you know how frank and straightforward she can be. You just don’t have the heart to know which is which. 

Yet, she’s asking you questions and offering to do something she would never want to do if you asked her a year ago. 

Maybe everyone has moved on from your relationship with him, but you know it’s not true—not when it still keeps you up at night from time to time. 

After a few taps on the screen of your phone, you have managed to RSVP to your friend’s engagement party with her long-time boyfriend. 

“You were right about the two of us racing to the title of being the last ones to get married,” you chuckle at your friend. 

“Of course, I know me, and I know you,” she emphasizes on part of knowing you with a grin. 

“I won, though. I know Wonwoo will propose to you,” you tell her. 

“Are you giving me some sort of spoiler?” She chuckles, eyes wide. 

You shake your head, “No. I have no idea, but I’m speaking as the girl who managed to bring her two bestfriends together during the time they both thought she was going to die.” 

Joy frowns momentarily, the memory of you during those times leaving a disgusting taste in her mouth. She hated those times. 

Well, you hated that time in your life, too. 

She never spoke again. Joy continued the movie. You understood. It’s something not to be spoken about on a Saturday night you decided to sleep beside each other in your condominium. 

-

The month after the sleepover, you stare at the whiteboard in the hallway of your home. It’s a monthly planner that you update every first week of the month. 

Hailey’s birthday

Date with Niki and Joanne

Wax appointment

Isabela and Mingyu’s engagement party! 

Your eyes widen upon seeing the last words along with the exclamation point. 

“Son of a bitch,” you mutter under your breath.

You retrieve your phone from your pocket to see the details. You have to know if you’re going for a quick dress shopping. 

“May 26…Pink and black…Dress…” you scan through the invitation. 

You have those colors in your closet. You quickly pace to your bedroom to check your closet. 

You have a day left before the event, unfortunately. 

“These dresses are already worn a few too many times,” you sigh. 

You’re bound for last-minute shopping. 

You got out of work at exactly five o’clock. It’s a work-from-home day, fortunately, and things were light, unusual, as you have a lot of tasks to do on Fridays. Taking advantage of this, you immediately hopped on a train going to Megamall, where most of the fashion boutiques are located. 

Joy asked you what gift you are buying for the couple just some minutes ago. You told her you’re still unsure and you’re buying something to wear as well. 

You enter some boutiques to look at the dresses they have. 

During the trip to the fifth boutique, you saw a cute long dress in the shade of pink you always loved. You immediately tried on your usual size and grinned in the mirror inside the fitting room as it hugged your body perfectly. 

Another perfect thing for you. Unusual. 

Once you paid for it and recalled that you had the perfect shoes at home for the dress, you proceeded to the department store to look for what you could give the couple. 

You go to the floor where home improvement is located. From what you can recall from Isabela’s stories of her beloved fiancé, Mingyu loves to maintain a clean home—something that you consider as something that’s to her advantage for someone who works for an auditing firm and would have no time to do house tasks at times.

It’s a maze of shelves and displays in the department stores. While you’re glad because you know you’ll hit the daily ten thousand steps, you know you’ll be asleep the moment your back hits the soft sheets of your bed. 

Imagining the feel of the six-hundred-thread-count cotton sheets you have currently on your bed, you realize the perfect gift. A set of sheets for their bed and pillows. You recall Isabela and Mingyu have a king-sized bed for the house they bought together just last year. She brought it up during one of your quarterly girls’ day out. 

Recalling Gourdo’s closed already in this mall, you decided to continue shopping inside the department store. 

You walk around, looking for the beds section. 

Nearing the area, you continue to walk until you see a familiar back. 

You freeze. 

“That’s not possible.” 

Regaining your composure quickly, you hide yourself in an area with a greater view. 

The man moved and turned to his side. 

It’s him with a baby and a woman you don’t recognize. 

Knowing you didn’t have the heart to see more of that, you quickly came out of hiding and walked briskly to the section where the sheets are. 

You knew that having the perfect day had its consequences. It has been like that for you. You just didn’t expect to see that. 

It must be time to face the music of your actions almost four years ago. 

It took you three hours to shop at the mall. Once your back hits the bed, you close your eyes. Yet, to no avail, you can’t sleep. Your mind flashes the memory of him holding a baby just earlier. 

You’re trying not to drill yourself over it, but your stupid mind has been trying to make you understand that this could have been something for you. However, the thought of you and him having a child together is a luxury, one that shouldn’t cross your mind—not when you knelt and begged for him to leave you. 

You shut your eyes tightly this time, not liking one bit of the memories starting to flash in your mind. 

-

2024

Year of the dragon. They say it was your year. 

In the first month of the year, you were longer on probation at work. In February, ironically, at an anti-Valentine party you attended on the 14th of the month, you met the love of your life. Your first love. 

“At twenty-three, your first boyfriend is a twenty-seven-year-old man,” Louise retorted when your friend group met for a day out. 

“What can I say? I was never meant to be with someone our age,” you told her. 

“And senior high taught her she’s not for younger men either,” Hailey joked, earning a fake annoyed ‘hey’ from you before you chuckled. 

April showers, they said. You graduated from college and landed a job with a rigorous hiring process, securing it even before your graduation ceremony. 

“Things are finally looking up for you, my love,” Joy said, hugging you. 

It was July when you and your ex-boyfriend made things official. Everything was light, and you felt like it was truly your year. 

“Baby, do you like it?” He asked when he handed over his gift—a beautiful gold necklace. 

You nodded. 

It was one of those moments when you truly understood why, despite being overrated, people always seek love. You were never truly a fan back then. Love has always been conditional for you. Despite the chances to give in to it back then, you never did. It never fit your schedule. It was not on your agenda back then. You were just a laser-focused student with so much to prove to your family. 

“Hey, love,” you turned to your ex-boyfriend. 

He looked at you and almost dropped his jaw when he saw what you looked like. 

“I’m ready,” you whispered in his ear when you reached where he was standing. 

Your ex-boyfriend looked at you lovingly before cupping your face for a gentle kiss. 

“Are you sure?” He asked. 

You nod before dropping one of the straps of your nightgown. 

It was your year. 

2025

The new year celebration with your family felt different. It was quiet despite the many firecrackers and fireworks your cousins bought from Bocaue and the yelling from that one obnoxious family member when the clock struck twelve. You were on FaceTime with your ex-boyfriend at the time, making the most of technology as you couldn’t be together on that day. 

February came, and for the first time, you finally had a proper Valentine's Day date with the person you met at an anti-Valentine's event on the same date the year before. 

“It’s been a year since I met you,” he chuckled. 

“I know. I managed to get myself a cute boyfriend at an event that’s meant to reject the idea of relationships and the consumerism of this holiday,” you replied as you toyed with your flute of champagne. 

“Do you know I was never meant to be there?” He told you for the first time. 

You cocked your eyebrow, urging him to talk more. 

“I was meant to go to Hansol’s birthday party that he organized for the singles, but I got the locations mixed up,” he chuckled over a mistake he rarely made. 

“But I saw you there at that party. There’s no way I’ll leave that scene without talking to you,” he continued. 

“When you found out I was younger than you for five years during the succeeding times we met, did you ever regret it? I mean, men your age here in the country are married now,” you quizzed. 

“I was worried for you, especially when you told me you never went past the talking stage or the purgatory of relationships,” he admitted. 

“The what?” You laughed. 

“That thing is called something else nowadays, but we referred to it as mutual understanding before,” he rambled, trying to recall the specific word. 

“Oh—oh, situationship,” You told him as you fell into a fit of laughter. 

“That one,” he managed to say as he tried to contain himself from laughing loudly. 

“But it makes sense, y’know? The description. It does feel like being in purgatory, waiting if this something uncertain will bloom into a full relationship or another story to tell when the liquor hits,” you said. 

“I’m glad we did not remain in that place,” he admitted. 

“Likewise, love,” you smiled. 

“I love you,” he said. 

“I love you too.” 

It was March when things fell apart for you. Your aunt, whom you considered your second mother, met with an accident. It was too fast. You did not even recall much of what transpired in the midst of everything done to save her. You just found yourself in the funeral chapel at night after work, sitting along the long pews after most of the visitors had left. Your ex-boyfriend was there with you each night, not speaking much. He was just there for you. 

The following months were a blur. They were right when they said that a death in the family will unearth all the secrets and growing remorse towards each other. It didn’t take too long to hit you. 

Being with your ex-boyfriend made you forget the gravity of your role in the family. He managed to help you become your own person—not just someone from your family. 

Yet, that reality had a way of catching up with you. There were things that your late aunt never told anyone but you. Her children never knew some things that you always carry with you as someone who stayed after everyone started having their own lives. It intensified the emptiness inside you and the grief that loomed over you like a big shadow. 

Your ex-boyfriend was your support system, but even with him, the load was still heavy. You still held on to a lot of things, and they were sinking you into the deep ocean. He was always there to be your anchor, but a part of you didn’t want to be his burden. He deserved better than that. 

A part of you was thinking that at that point in his life, he should be off planning a life with a woman and not picking up the pieces of the person you once were. You felt too heavy for everything and everyone, especially him. 

You could not fulfill his needs. Sleepovers turned into nights where he held you closely, but you remained wide awake, pondering how life went downhill for you. 

“I wish I were better for you,” you sobbed quietly as you caressed his face as he slept. 

You knew you were experiencing something and you needed help, but you didn’t dare to acknowledge it. All you could grasp back then was that you were still highly functional. You remained your usual self at work and at home, suppressing any emotions that would come up at any point of the day. 

No one knew how you would fight tears as a simple thing reminded you of the person who believed in you, aside from your own parents. You always longed for all of it to be just a bad dream, and that when you wake up, your beloved aunt has a message for you to read. 

You felt so empty. You couldn’t give anything to anyone. You were on autopilot, gasping when you realized you were doing things subconsciously and overthinking if you did them right. 

It felt like being in a dream that you were falling into an endless pit, screaming your lungs out. Yet, you seemed fine. You were still smiling despite feeling shit. 

You were an empty cup, not even a single drop present—just dry. You could not even force yourself to cry just to let it out and feel. The whole new dynamic and grief took the soul out of you. 

So you left one morning. 

You took a bus going to a province up north. You placed your phone on silent and walked around the province. 

Twenty thousand steps. 

It took you that many steps until you saw the many missed calls from your mother and ex-boyfriend, so when the phone vibrated, and you saw it was him, you answered. 

“Baby, where were you?!” He exclaimed, angry and relieved.

Then you started sobbing, chest heaving. The tears finally came. As rain drizzled, cooling the area where you stopped to eat your first meal of the day, you wept. 

“Baby, I’m here,” your ex-boyfriend said from the other end of the line. 

He knew and understood. 

You knew that it was time to leave, too. You could not drag the man you loved to where you were. He never deserved that. 

You wanted to leave, but can’t. It was July. You had to celebrate your first anniversary with him. Then it was August. Your birthdays were in the same week. 

“Happy birthday, Love,” he whispered. 

You only gave him a slight smile and blew out the lit candle on top of the cake he carried. You wished that he would fully accept the fact that you were leaving. 

When it was his birthday, you went all out. You cooked a lot of food he loved and called all his friends and family. You wanted him to know he was loved. You wanted to make sure he was aware of the people who would always have his back. You were preparing to leave. 

This gesture confused your then-boyfriend. He felt you slipping through his fingers. He was scared to admit he was losing you because you were, by far, the one he loved the most. Yet, a voice in him kept telling him that the person you once was was no longer there. 

Then came the day you were both dreading. It started with heavy rain while he came over to your house, then the electricity was out, and so was the internet. You were in panic because you were in the middle of work that day. It was a busy day, so you were stressed and contacting everyone. Your ex-boyfriend kept telling you to calm down, but you were not able to grasp anything. 

“Love,” he held your arms to stop you from moving around. 

Then came the hot, fat tears that started flowing from your eyes to your cheeks, down to your skin. You pushed him away, unable to receive more of his affections. You felt suffocated and defeated by his warmth—guilty that you couldn’t take more of his love that you always knew was genuine. 

“I’m so tired. I’m so down. I can’t do this anymore,” You told him truthfully. 

Then you both found yourselves in the middle of the living room. Your ex-boyfriend was sitting on the long wooden chair, and you were kneeling in front of him. 

“Please let me go,” you sobbed. 

“I can’t do that,” he admitted. 

“Please. I beg you. Let me go. I cannot have you give up on me, too. Please let me go before you start resenting me,” you begged. 

He was crying, too. As the storm poured all the rain and blew the wind it had in it, the world you once shared broke down, too.

Your ex-boyfriend could not deny you a way out—not when you knelt and begged for it. 

So for the remainder of the storm, you said your goodbyes and held each other because you both knew that once the skies cleared, you were going to be living separate lives. 

-

Present

You woke up with just two hours to prepare for the party. 

You’re currently cursing as you wear the heels you specifically bought for the pink dress you bought for the occasion. 

You were not able to sleep well. All you could think of was what to say if he were there. You’re afraid that he might still be angry. You’re afraid to see him be with his family, holding a kid who should have been yours if life had never fucked you up in many ways. 

You’re not ready to see the consequences of your actions. 

No amount of therapy can prepare you to see the man you deeply loved. 

“Girly pop, where are you?!” Joy asks over the phone as you close the door of the car you booked. 

“I’m on my way. I should be there in an hour,” you tell her. 

Maybe ticking the silent ride option in the app was a mistake today. It only makes you feel nervous about this party. You were not really informed that he and Mingyu are in the same circle of friends when you started dating. You only found out when his group decided to go on a couples’ trip. 

His being there has at least seventy percent chances. He and Mingyu have been friends since they were in college, despite him being the former’s senior for two years. 

-

2025 

You were miserable after the breakup. Work started getting worse, too, but you were motivated to drown yourself in it. 

“You’re not the company’s heir,” Wonwoo reminded you jokingly as you both packed your things after overtime work. 

“I’m not?” You gasped dramatically, causing a sarcastic laugh from your friend. 

Work was terrible, but it was the least of your worries during that time. The situation at home was worse. Your cousins moved out of the house they rented beside your childhood home after their mother died. Your mother was not the same, still mourning for her closest sister. When she had the chance to leave the city for a vacation, she gladly did—almost with no intention to return. 

You were alone, and it was the first time everything sank in. You would wake up at night after reliving the breakup in your dream or the day you received the call that your aunt was in an accident. The night slowly became your enemy, attacking you at your most vulnerable state. 

You knew you were wrong to let him go, but you had nothing to offer him anymore. You had no one because the person you least expected to leave was in the province, living the best life she could have, making you feel like you were a burden, a memory of life she got tired of living. 

It was all too much to take in. 

“I’m going to turn in. I’m tired,” You told your team, standing up to retreat to your room. 

It was your team building somewhere in Subic. It was not the usual activity-packed but rather a calm one. Maybe it was because the whole team knew it was a heavy year for everyone. It was just hellish. 

You were too tired for everything, and despite drinking melatonin, you couldn’t sleep. Your mind was too worked up to even trigger sleep. 

You focused your mind on the sound of the waves. It felt like peace.

But you were greedy. You wanted more of that. You were desperate for peace, so you started walking. 

Then you were on the shore. More. 

Then you were walking on the shallow waters, wetting your clothes in the process. More. 

As you walked further, letting the waters reach your neck, you closed your eyes. More. 

“Oh god.” 

You were suddenly yanked back to the shore. 

“Nagpapakamatay ka ba? (Are you trying to kill yourself?).”

Wonwoo. 

You were both wet. He was holding your arms just like your ex-boyfriend did that day you broke up with him. You could not answer him. 

When you opened your mouth, you just sobbed and collapsed in his arms. 

He did not say anything anymore but held you for hours as you cried like you did when your father died. 

You were suddenly truly helpless. 

-

Present

“Hi!” Hailey and the rest of the gang greet you with warm hugs. 

It’s a blue moon occurrence for your group to be complete, but this day is too special to be missed by everyone. Isabella’s finally near her fairytale ending. 

You look good. The dress you’re wearing matches the occasion, and your makeup is good today despite cramming and finishing the rest of it in the car because you prioritized curling your hair. You were twenty minutes late, but the program hasn’t started yet. 

You put on your best smile, concealing the fact that you’ve been having a relapse since yesterday. Today cannot be ruined by everything, not when two of your closest friends are celebrating their upcoming union. 

Joy rests her head for a few seconds on your shoulder as she passes by to encourage. You keep telling yourself you’re going to be fine despite everything. 

Four years have passed. A lot of things have changed. 

You keep on reminding yourself.

“Hi.” 

You know that voice, despite not hearing it for the past few years. 

“Seungcheol.” 

-

2025

Due to the circumstances you were in, Wonwoo had no choice but to reach out to the friend he thought you were closest to. He was just desperate to save you before it was too late. 

Joy cried when Wonwoo told her about what happened in Subic. She was afraid of losing you. 

“I did not know she felt alone,” she told him over the phone, crying. 

You were your usual self, trying to deflect and being ashamed of what happened that night. You knew you were under Wonwoo and Joy’s watchful eyes. 

You told Wonwoo everything, and he listened as you turned into a kid, telling him everything that hurt you. Joy and the rest of your friend group knew this seven years into the friendship because you were too guarded and afraid to tell people your secrets and trauma. 

Yet, those walls crumbled when you also started fighting for your life. 

“Does he know about this?” Wonwoo asked you. 

You only shook your head. 

-

You look at him. 

Seungcheol. Your ex-boyfriend. 

“Hi,” he greets again, before inviting you to a hug. 

You still can’t wrap your head around the fact that you’re face-to-face with him and he’s holding you once again. He still smells the same. 

When he pulls away, you look at him. He aged, but he looks better. His cheeks are a little fuller now, but those brown eyes still manage to take your breath away. 

“How are you?” He asks. 

“I’m okay,” you respond. 

Yet, it’s like you’re just convincing yourself rather than answering his question. 

“How about you?” You choke out, trying to conceal the fact that you’re so nervous to see him again. 

“I’m good. I’m busy with work,” he tells you. 

“Same ol’ you then,” you manage to shoot back, making him chuckle. 

-

2026

Sick of being watched closely by Wonwoo and Joy, you started therapy. You understood they were just scared to lose you, but the constant checking instead of taking care of the budding relationship they were obviously having annoyed you. 

Initially, it was just to get less supervision from the two, but there were a lot of breakthroughs in those sessions you had. 

“What made you think it was the best decision to break things off?” Your therapist asked. 

“I don’t know. Maybe I’m just wanting control. I just did not want to see him give up on me just like everyone else,” you answered. 

“Did you see your biological father in him?” She asked. 

“No. He was far from that motherfucker. He was everything I wished for, which is why I don’t think I’ll be able to handle him leaving me,” you said. 

Then it was a breakthrough. 

You cut him off on everything. You blocked him everywhere the previous year, so you had no idea what was up with him. It was just useless and nonsense on your part to secretly keep up with him because it was you who made the mistake of begging him to break up. 

You managed to get ahead of him, pulling stunts to erase traces of your relationship because you couldn’t bear to witness that part. 

You just think it was the best thing to do to guard your heart. 

Yet, 2026 taught you that the best way to guard your heart was to entrust it with someone you love and adore. 

-

Present 

You want to ask him how he is. Is he married? Does he have a kid already? 

But you’re too awkward to ask. You’re not at that level of conversation anyway. 

“I have to go back. You know,” you tell him, pouting your lips in the direction of your friend group’s table. 

“Of course,” He chuckles, understanding what you mean. 

Seungcheol remembers all of that. 

You try not to look like you’re in a rush to exit from that awkward encounter with your ex-boyfriend. 

Louise is singing Muling Ibalik as you sit down beside her. Your cheeks are red from the awkwardness and the teasing from your friends, but you’re relieved to know he’s not too angry. He can still be civil with you even after all the shit you put him through. 

The party finally starts. 

You breathe deeply, wishing to get through the day as it’s starting to drain you immediately. 

-

2027

You have been in therapy for a year already. A lot changed. 

Wonwoo and Joy officially started dating. They would include you on some dates, claiming they need to bond with their firstborn. 

You started laughing genuinely again. 

It was a tough journey. Therapy made you face and relive memories your brain forgot as a defense mechanism. It was exhausting, but you braved it because you wanted to be better. 

You owed it to yourself to face everything and change because you lost a lot in the process of getting to where you were that year. 

You started a new job, leaving Wonwoo alone at the company you had been at for the past few years of your life. 

Daunting. It was the word to describe it, but you were to start fresh. 

“That gentleman over there just bought you a Spanish Latte, Miss,” the waiter said, placing a tall glass of coffee on your table as you work on your dissertation as part of your master's degree. 

His name was Jeonghan. 

Maybe a new chance at love, too. 

-

Present

“I know, baby. I’ll be home soon,” he coos, obviously on the phone. 

“I love you,” he says, mouthing the words clearly to emphasize them to whoever’s at the end of the line. 

That’s Seungcheol. You came from the bathroom. You just want to go back to your table to continue with the program, but instead, you overheard your ex-boyfriend talking on the phone. 

Of course, he’ll move on. His life goes on without you. 

You gulp at the thought, then remind yourself that it was the consequence of your past actions. 

This party has managed to bring out every emotion you were able to control for the past few years. You’re mentally taking notes of what to say to your therapist. 

As you go back to your seat, the program is on the next part now. 

“As the wedding nears, they will need more help from you, guys. To help them with this special moment in their lives, the bride and groom will be announcing their bridesmaids and groomsmen,” the host happily declares. 

You know you’re one of them. It’s been discussed by your friends that you’ll be each other’s bridesmaids during each other’s weddings. You played the role during Hailey’s and Jade’s weddings. Louise and Tia could not be married to their partners in this country, unfortunately. You’re going to be Joy’s bridesmaid when Wonwoo decides to finally propose. You, on the other hand, doubt if you’ll ever have a wedding of your own. 

Your relationship with Jeonghan was brief, even shorter than what you had with Seungcheol. Yet, it was not that painful that what was with the latter. Jeonghan understood. Though his sad eyes told you that he loved you more than the way he delivered those three words to you the whole time together, he was happy to let you go. He understood that you were and are still a lost soul, drifting and looking for the way home. 

Jeonghan knew he was a stop and not the destination. Yet, he taught you love can be light and profound at the same time—that it can be understanding and quiet. You were late to realize once again that what you had with him was deeper than you thought it was and than what you intended. 

So you do what you always do. You live with the consequences of your actions. 

“We paired our groomsmen and bridesmaids to make wedding preparations easier,” Mingyu smirks, almost in a mischievous manner. You missed out as you thought of your second ex-boyfriend. 

On the screen, the pairings flashed. 

“Gago. Seungcheol at ikaw oh (That’s you and Seungcheol),” Louise shakes you back to reality. 

“What the hell,” you mutter. 

You truly accept the consequences of your actions, but this one feels like a joke being played on you by your friends. Seungcheol seems to have moved on and already has a family to come home to. Why the heck would they pair him up with you? 

“To all the names on the screen, go to the side of the stage so you can get familiar with each other,” Mingyu says on the mic. 

You have no choice but to cooperate. After all, it’s Isabela you’re supporting and not anybody else. You’re here for her and the rest of your friends. You have no other choice but to suck it up. 

You convince yourself some more as the whole situation seems too daunting. 

“Are you okay?” Seungcheol asks when he senses the tension you’re feeling. 

“I should be asking you that question,” you reply, almost quietly. 

“Not to be nosy, but I was just on my way to the powder room when I heard you talking to your wife, girlfriend, or whatever. It’s probably awkward to be paired with your ex-girlfriend for a wedding,” you ramble, so you can just get over the awkwardness you’re feeling. 

“Oh, that,” he chuckles. 

“Remember Dahlia? She’s eight now and always looks for me. I’m not married nor in a relationship. I never had a much longer relationship than ours after the breakup,” he clarifies. 

Hearing that gives you some relief. Yet, hearing the last sentence broke your heart. Did you traumatize him so much that he never had anyone that long after you?

“Oh, I’m sorry,” you trail because you really, truly feel sorry for a lot of reasons.

Yet, the point of all the countless apologies you want to tell him is for breaking his heart almost five years ago. 

“It’s okay. It’s been so long. I’m just glad to see you again,” he tells you. 

You feel like something’s stuck in your throat, and tears threaten to come down. You truly haven’t forgiven yourself for all the wrong decisions you made because of a wrong perception of things. 

Your therapist, a middle-aged lady who reminds you of those jolly old aunties who work as guidance counselors in your school, always told you that you cannot truly fall in love and sustain relationships because fear has always commandeered your responses and actions towards love. Those relationships may have bloomed but never lasted because of it. 

Seungcheol is the living proof of it, and his reappearance in your life is starting to make you beat yourself up once again. 

You can see your therapist’s calm and smiley demeanor as her voice echoes in your head. While it creeps you out at times, you’re amazed at how psychiatrists look collected despite listening to some of the darkest secrets a person can possess—how they can look put together when their patient turns into a sobbing mess, recalling that point in their life where everything went south for them. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Seungcheol asks. 

You cannot open your mouth because you feel a lot of emotions all at once and tears are still threatening to fall, so you nod. It’s just that difficult to see the one you truly loved and still feel angry at yourself for all the bad choices you’ve made. 

—

Isabela and Mingyu’s wedding is a grandiose event. Isabela’s prominent family in the North and Mingyu’s rich family from Visayas are all coming and preparing for it. It’s the event of the year. 

Life goes on for you, except you’re meeting your ex-boyfriend almost more than twice a month to work on whatever’s needed for the wedding and for the couple. The bridesmaids and groomsmen are working on an elaborate plan for their bridal shower and stag party. 

Everything’s kind of fast-paced as the wedding is scheduled seven months after the engagement party. The pairings stayed true to their purpose. All pairs have tasks to work on, which means you and Seungcheol go on long drives to try out venues for the party or pay the suppliers on behalf of the couple in various locations. 

There has been progress on your end, though. You have started to grow comfortable around your ex-boyfriend’s presence, as your throat does not get tight whenever he shows you kindness or whenever you feel sorry for causing him pain. 

“How’s work today?” He asks, breaking the silence inside his car.

“I’m okay. Pagod lang siguro (Maybe just tired),” you reply. 

You worked half a day on a Saturday, as your boss requested to have you assist her. 

“Do you want me to lower the car seat for you? Higa ka muna and matulog (Lie down and sleep),” he offers. 

“I’m okay,” you tell him. 

Seungcheol doesn’t argue with you anymore. He can sense the aloofness in you. He knows you’re not that unsympathetic to him—there are just a lot of things you haven’t talked about since you parted ways. One thing he’s sure of is that he misses you despite everything. 

You arrive at a cozy events place in Antipolo that you found through Facebook. It’s where you want to celebrate the bridal shower for Isabela. Since you and Seungcheol are in charge of ocular inspection, you invited him to go with you. 

“Madam, for the taste testing, here are the foods that we want you to choose from,” the manager of the place says as servers put down bowls and plates of various foods for you two to taste. 

You start with the appetizers, getting a piece of each. Everything seems great, so you discuss with Seungcheol the possible finger foods you’d like to have for appetizers and snacks while drinking.

“I just know you love the dynamite served,” he cackles as he wipes his mouth to remove the excess oil. 

“Yeah. I do like it,” you reply with a half smile. 

Seungcheol still remembers your love for anything spicy. He remembers how you love buying dynamite from a food cart in a park near your home. He loved walking with you to go there back then. He loved the way he would toy with the tip of your fingers as you waited for your order. He loved sleeping over at your house and walking at night with you at the park, so he was surprised to pick you up from the lobby of a condominium somewhere in Makati when you started doing your pre-wedding tasks. 

You move on to the viands and pastas. After trying out the three pastas served, you decided to go for pesto and spaghetti. Then came the oxtail kare-kare and the crispy version. You almost moaned upon tasting it. 

“Wow,” you blurt out. 

“You like it?” Seungcheol smiles. 

“I love it,” you correct him, much to his surprise. 

Back when you were together, you always told him how you never liked sweet-tasting viands, especially those with cream but not paired with beef. Despite the confusion, he’s glad to see you enjoy the food. The way you closed your eyes and made little sounds made him remember those days you both would camp in his kitchen, tasting the goods you baked after trying out the oven he bought a few years before he met you. It was never used until you had the idea to bake brownies, trying to recreate the one you ate at a cafe somewhere in the south, as you were too busy to drive for a few hours just to get a box. Neither one of you is experienced in baking, but as long as you have each other in the kitchen and have sloppy makeouts and kisses as you wait for the baking to finish, nothing could ever go wrong. 

After finalizing the menu, you realize how much time you spent inside the venue. 

“The sun is going down, Cheol,” you point out, worrying that you might have taken too much of his personal time. 

“It’s still traffic around Cogeo. Might as well spend some more hours here. Kape tayo? (Let’s have some coffee?)” He asks, smiling and showing his dimples. 

“You sure? You might have to be somewhere,” you reply with a hint of worry in your voice. 

“I knew being in Antipolo would mean spending a whole day here, so I made sure this day is clear for us,” Seungcheol assures you. 

“Plus, it’s nice to be back here with you,” he mutters.

“We used to drive around here after visiting your papa,” he reminisces, much to your surprise. 

You look at him, and the tightness in your throat comes back as guilt rushes in. 

“You still remember that?” You ask him. 

“It was one of the good memories I had of you. I remember praying and talking to your father because I wanted to get his approval,” he grins as he recalls what he would do back then. 

“I’m sure my papa loved you, Cheol. You were so perfect,” you reply, being mindful not to crash then and there. 

What’s the purpose of feeling the guilt anyway? You have managed to break his heart deeply. 

“You were so perfect, too,” he tells you. 

“Eomma still looks for you from time to time,” he chuckles. 

“How is she?” You ask. 

“She’s healthy despite being older now. She cares for Dahlia and the new baby our family has,” he answers, giving you the cup of freshly brewed matcha you ordered. 

“A baby, huh?” You grin. 

“Yeah, my older brother had a new baby this year. Boy. He’s a big baby. I loved being around him,” he says. 

“You always loved kids, Seungcheol. My nieces loved you,” you recount the memories of him playing with them. 

“We could have had ours now if we made it,” he states, making you quiet because he’s right. 

“I was really sure you would be the mother of my children, you know?” He adds. 

You cannot say anything. You’re just feeling guilty and sorry. Tears start to fall from your eyes. Seungcheol notices this and hands you so napkins, apologizing for what he has said. 

“Patawarin mo ako, Cheol (Forgive me, Cheol).” 

“I already forgave you a long time ago. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t,” he tells you assuringly. 

Without any second thoughts, you hug him. 

“Laging mas mangingibabaw ang pagmamahal ko sa’yo sa kahit ano mang galit o poot sa puso ko. (My love for you will always prevail over any anger or hatred in my heart.)”

You feel his embrace and the comfort and familiarity it has on you, despite years of not being held by your ex-boyfriend. Unlike the last time he held you as you sobbed in his chest, you are not saying goodbye this time. 

“Akala mo ba galit pa rin ako? (You thought I was still mad?)” He asks. 

You nod on his chest. 

“Hindi na. Hindi rin kita matiis (I’m not anymore. I also can’t resist you.),” he chuckles. 

For the rest of the night, Seungcheol has held you in his arms, laughing over the memories you recall with him.

—

“How are you? Tell me about your recent happenings,” Your therapist asks as she flashes her jolly grin. 

“I’ve been doing well at work. I got interviewed for a possible promotion,” you tell her.

“You’ve always been good at it. I think it’s the one aspect we did not have any trouble with in past years,” she replies, to which you agree. 

“How about your personal life? You’re still working on the wedding, right?” 

You nod. 

“Well, Doc, my ex and I are okay now. He told me he forgave me a long time ago,” you confess. 

“Seungcheol, right? So how was it? What did you feel?” She asks. 

“I still feel some guilt. I know I really did a number on him when I begged him to break up. He told me he never had anyone around longer than me,” you continue. 

“How is it now with him?” She asks. 

“It’s really good. We see each other often as the wedding nears. We’re closer. However…” You trail. 

“What is it?” Your doctor asks. 

“I can sense that he wants more than what we have now. I try to ignore it, but I can feel it. It may be half a decade ago, but the feeling’s still familiar,” you tell her. 

“What do you feel?” She quips. 

“I feel unsure. I just don’t want him to feel hurt again. I don’t want to cause pain again. I feel like I’ll hurt him again,” you say as tears fall down your cheek. 

You’ve been having a great time watching Seungcheol laugh at your silly retorts over the wedding plans and mundane things around you. He has always been easy to crack over your jokes and wit. Watching his toothy grin as his eyes closed made you remember what made you fall in love with him. He has always been gentle with you, nose scrunching out of adoration for you as you make those gestures that made him love every bit of you. 

You can’t give it up yet. You can’t let go of the things that make you realize why you will always love him. 

“Dear, as I’ve told you countless times, fear over love will cost you everything. Learn to forgive yourself, too. You’ll be sure of what you’re feeling,” she mutters as she smiles at you. 

“You’ve come a long way now, you know? It’s time to finally step up and do what will make you happy.” 

—

Being the self-saboteur you’ll always be, when the wedding tasks are finished, and the bridal and stag parties are done, you have lain low from all the interactions with your ex-boyfriend. You have been sending late responses to his text messages, using your promotion as an excuse to be unavailable to meet and talk. 

You’re still afraid because to hurt Seungcheol once is enough, but making him go through that again for being with you is insanity. You’ve done it twice already. Even the poor Jeonghan was not spared from this issue of yours, despite being in therapy when you met him. Doing it for the third time and to Seungcheol once again is just plain wrong and evil. 

As usual, you divert your attention to work, hyperfixating on the thought of brainstorming projects to promote automation and efficiency at work. Joy has been reminding you not to spend so much time working as the wedding nears. 

“What’s up?” She asks as you both lie down on the bed. 

It’s your sleepover again. 

“I think everything is repeating all over again,” you tell her truthfully. 

She faces you, gesturing that she’s all ears. 

“Seungcheol and I were on good terms for the past few months, and I can sense that he wants more than that, but I’m unsure,” you confess. 

“Why ‘were’?” She asks. 

“I’ve been avoiding him. I just don’t know what to do,” you answer. 

“I know I’ve been quite reluctant to listen to you talk about him for the past few years, but believe me when I say that I like Seungcheol for you,” Joy admits. 

“He’s done a lot, and I’ve seen that,” she adds. 

Hearing your best friend say such makes it more confusing for you. Joy seems to be vague. 

—

For some reason, the wedding of the year was a blur for you. You were focused on the execution of things, so you were not able to appreciate every little detail. Upon seeing one of the tasks under you get ticked, you moved on to the next. 

You were in work mode. 

Isabela is grateful, though. She did not become the bridezilla she feared she would become due to the tremendous amount of support from her friends and family who she appointed as her bridesmaids, which includes you. 

As things for you get easier at the reception, you sit down at the table where you’re assigned. You take a deep breath, looking at the setup and admiring the visual harmony of the floral design and cozy lights of the venue. 

You have always been a fan of weddings. When you were younger, you remember having a visual board of your dream wedding on Pinterest. Your former manager even teased you, saying that you were secretly attending expos to prepare. When you met Seungcheol, the dream of being married got bigger. You remember picturing him waiting for you at the end of the altar when his hair got longer and looked more like a husband than just a boyfriend. You imagine him carrying you in bridal style as you go home to your newly built home, the promised place where you’ll raise two to three kids with him, along with two dogs. With Seungcheol having Kkuma now, the vision is not too far from reality. You see, having another dog with him, a pitbull named Spike, a character from Tom and Jerry, your favorite cartoon show. Despite the flings and some first dates back in college, it was with Seungcheol that you saw a future. It was not daunting for some reason, but given the circumstances now, it’s somehow become wishful thinking. 

You watch Mingyu and Isabela in the middle of the dance floor, swaying as the music plays. A lot of couples are dancing with them. An old ballad you know, but have forgotten the title, is being played by the DJ. The spotlights are warmer now, and everything feels so romantic. Joy, who caught Isabela’s bouquet earlier, is dancing with Wonwoo—her head is leaning on his chest as his arms are around her waist. 

It’s like the movies. Romantic. Perfect. 

“Can I have this dance?” 

Seungcheol offers his arm to you. Not wanting to ruin such an occasion, you accept it. He guides both of you to the dance floor. 

“I know I may have been vague about things lately, but I hate the way you’re avoiding me,” he tells you. 

You look away, feeling guilty. Seungcheol tilts your chin with his fingers in a gentle manner to make you face him. 

“I still love you,” he confesses. 

“Please don’t run away from me or beg me to leave,” he pleads. 

“I hurt you,” you answer. 

“And I’ve forgiven you. Learn to forgive yourself, too,” he tells you.

“I’m scared to hurt you again,” you admit. 

“We’ll always hurt each other in different ways, you know? I guess it all boils down to the way we’re willing to work things out, and I’d rather get hurt than miss a life without you,” he says. 

“I’m sorry, Cheol,” you apologize as you shake your head and leave the dancefloor. 

Seungcheol sighs as you walk away. 

—

You left the wedding without saying goodbye to everyone. You just needed some time to think. You’ve been sending late responses to friends ever since, using work as an excuse once again.

Drowning in work seems ineffective as a distraction, though. Your doctor has warned you of burnout due to this practice, and at this point, you cannot afford to have that, so you decided to take a leave. A week where you do not have anything planned. You just act on any urge or craving. 

On the third day of your leave, Wednesday, to be exact, you decided to visit a new cafe in your area in Makati. It has been creating some buzz on TikTok for its Spanish latte, matcha, and hojicha. You chose to try the last two as you avoid coffee most of the time. 

“Hi! Can I order one large matcha latte?” You say to the man behind the counter as you look down at the menu that’s on its surface. 

“One large matcha. On the house.” 

You frown in confusion upon hearing it’s for free, so you look up. 

“Jeonghan,” you smile. 

Your ex-boyfriend has excused himself from the counter to have a seat with you at one of the round tables. 

“Congratulations. I didn’t know you’re a cafe owner now,” you say, still grinning. 

“Remember when I used to blend your matcha whenever you slept at my place?” He recalls. 

You nod. 

“I didn’t know that your hobby would lead you to this. I’m proud of you,” you tell him. 

“My best friend, Joshua, I know you remember him—we own this. I work on operations, and he financed everything since he wants to find more reasons to stay longer here in the Philippines,” he explains to you. 

“Is he here?” You ask. 

“He’s been out with his current girlfriend since after lunch, so it’s just the staff and me here,” he answers. 

“How are you?” He asks. 

“I’m on leave,” you mutter as you sip on your drink. 

“You must have something on your mind. You don’t really take a leave even if you’re sick,” he states.

“You still remember things about me,” you trail. 

“Of course. Though our relationship was short-lived, I loved you, and we parted on good terms,” Jeonghan responds, grinning. 

“I’m sorry, Han,” you say. 

“What for?” He asks. 

“Because I think I wasn’t able to reciprocate the love you gave me. I looked back and felt like I was inadequate for you,” you continue. 

“You were not inadequate. You just haven’t figured some things out about yourself. Plus, you were healing when I met you. You made me feel loved despite that. You did your best,” he assures you. 

“Was I good to you, Hannie?” You ask. 

“You were. You have to pat yourself on the back, babe. You’ve always doubted your capacity to love. Yet, you were one of the best girls I’ve met in my life. You were one of the reasons why I made this dream happen,” he affirms. 

“Would it be funny if I ask you for some advice?” You ask again. 

“I’m guessing. Boy problems?” He asks back. 

You nod, causing him to giggle. He nods endearingly. 

“My first boyfriend, the one before you, wants to get back together, but I’m so scared to hurt him again. I left all the relationships I had, you know? I can’t do it to him twice. That’s just sinister,” you sigh. 

“Then let your fear motivate you to do better. You have always been afraid of vulnerability, you know? I’ve sensed it when we got together, but there were good days when you forget all of that and turn into this fun-loving, affectionate, and sweet girlfriend. I’ve always loved it,” he musters, holding your hand that’s on the table. 

“And I’ve always sensed that he’s the one for you, so I hope you don’t let it go. I’ve always wished for your happiness because you’re truly one of the best I've had.” 

Vulnerability. 

Maybe you never did show Seungcheol some vulnerability in you. When you were together a few years back, you were high from all of the achievements you had then, the crash happened, and you did not know what to do. You were still navigating your first relationship, so you really didn’t have an idea of how to lean on him. 

You were never dependent on anybody since you were a raging teen. 

You say your goodbyes to Jeonghan after an afternoon of catch-up. 

“I'd better get an invitation to your wedding, okay?” He jokes before hugging you. 

You laugh and embrace him.  

—

You’re at the Kim residence. Isabela and Mingyu has invited you over for some beer and chicken to thank you for your help during the wedding and some important financial decisions they seeked your advice for. You have decided to use it as time to contact Seungcheol as well. You thought that with Mingyu and Isabela talking your ear off, it would be easier to shoot a message. For some reason, you’re still chickening out even though you have decided to talk to your ex-boyfriend. Your hands are cold from nervousness as you delete another draft of text message again. This should be easy. 

Yet, how is it too daunting for you?

“I love him,” you whisper, trying to remind yourself for motivation. 

You close your eyes and breathe deeply. 

“Hey.” 

That voice. You turn around to see Seungcheol. 

“Hi,” you greet back, swallowing nervously. 

“Mingyu and Isabela went to the liquor store to get some beer. They told me to just get in,” he explains. 

“Okay,” you answer. 

Seungcheol walks away going to the kitchen. 

“Cheol,” you breathe. 

This should be it. 

He turns to look at you. Now or never, right?

“I tried to take my life after we broke up,” you say. 

“I know,” he replies. 

“I’ve talked to Wonwoo and Joy for the past few years to check up on you because I know you will not leave me without any reason,” he adds. 

“I didn’t want to burden you with everything,” you explain. 

“You will never be a burden to me,” he speaks softly as he approaches to cup your cheek. 

“I grew up thinking that love is conditional—that when I become more of a liability than an asset, I’ll get discarded on the side and watch somebody better being adored and loved by everyone which made me scared because if I showed you who I really am, you’ll leave me just like anybody else,” you confess. 

He hugs you. As he holds you in his arms, you tell him everything you’ve wanted to tell him. Showing him vulnerability is speaking your pains and fears out loud—to finally recognize that they’re the parts of you that he needs to know if he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. 

You told him about how your biological parents left you with a lot of emotional issues. He never knew about the extra pair of parents you had, the sperm and egg donors. You told him how being your parents’ only child in their forties gave you the pressure to become their sole care provider. You told him that your father’s family never looked at you as his own which made it easy for them to cut you and your mother off as they always hated her for your father. 

It was all the things you rarely spoke about as they stir these emotions inside you that you have yet to learn how to control. 

You just wanted Seungcheol to see the entirety of you, including the parts that made you ugly. 

You just sob in his chest like a baby, helpless and wishing for him to stay despite knowing who you are now. 

“I’m sorry,” you cry. 

Relief rushes in as he lets his lips linger on your forehead as he embraces you. It’s not just you that he’s holding. It’s also the younger you who have been wondering if there’s someone she’ll trust with words she never blurted out.

You sigh heavily and lean on him. 

“It’s okay and I’m sorry, too. I wished I fought for us. Sana hindi ko hinayaang umalis ka. (I wish I didn’t let you go.) You must’ve felt so lonely,” he replies as he sobs into your neck. 

“I’m here now. Hindi kita iiwanan. Hindi kita paaalisin. Magkasama na tayo habambuhay. (I will never leave you. I will never let you go. We’ll stay together forever.)” 

Dino cringes, his sheepish smile back on his face as he rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. "Yeah-"

"Why are you bleeding?!" You're moving before thinking it through. Your hands dragged him into your home, the front door slamming closed behind you both as you shoved him into your living room. "Wait, I know why," you're eyes squinted at him in a silent accusation, your hands pushing him to sit on the couch as you raced to your bathroom. "You've been fighting again, haven't you!"

Chan doesn't even get to defend himself when you're coming back with your big box of first-aid. You scold him with a pout of your pretty lips. And his eyes flicker from your glaring eyes to your lips; his own is split open on the left, throbbing with its own heartbeat. "Don't be mad, Pretty." His hands reach out, caressing your arm, but you smack him away.

"Don't tell me not to be mad." You hiss, and Dino sinks back into the couch, his legs spreading as you flip the box open, rummaging for what you'll need. "I don't know why you fight, look at you, you're lip is bleeding, your eyebrow's cut open, and I bet your knuckles are bruised, huh?"

You're in a full rant, he's really got you riled up, your fingers ripping open an antiseptic wipe, threatening him with it as you lean over him. Dino's hat falls from his head as he tries to avoid the wipe, his hands grabbing your soft waist, the robe bunching under his fingers. "Whoa, hold on-"

"Don't be a baby," you whipped back, and before he could react, your free hand tugged his head back by his hair, your other hand wiping the cut on his eyebrow with the wipe. Chan's teeth grit, his jaw clenching as his eyebrow stings. His chest heaves, the pain of you tugging his hair sending a jolt through his whole body and going straight to his cock.

Dino's eyes dilate, his breath coming out in a puff as your face gets closer to his. He mumbles something under his breath, and you're trying your best to ignore the way his hands haven't left your waist as you stand between his open legs. You hum a 'huh?' and Dino's speaking up, "m'not a baby." And it has your eyes rolling, your fingers tipping his chin up so his head is tilted even farther back. The movement exposed his throat, and your eyes briefly trace the column of his pretty neck before you use a new wipe to ghost over the cut on his lip.

"Okay, and yet you don't go to an actual nurse to be properly taken care of?" You shake your head, another roll of your eyes as you clean the dry blood from his puffy lip. "Instead, you come to my place like my first-aid kit is the best thing in the world. Sure, you're not a baby."

Chan's fingers flex, curling tighter around your waist, and before you can even blink, he's dragging you onto his lap. You yelp, grabbing his shoulder and the back of the couch to not fall over. Your plush thighs straddle his lap, and he looks up at you with hooded eyes. "A nurse can't give me what I want."

He says the words softly, a whisper that doesn't match his intense eye contact. A shiver runs down your spine, and time freezes. "And what do you want?" It's a loaded question. Your face so close to his, the bulge of his cock straining against his jeans under you becoming harder to ignore by the second.

Dino leans up, his eyes searching yours for a silent moment, before his lips curve into a knowing grin. "I want," his lips brush yours, and you gasp, "you to kiss it better."

It happens all at once.

Something snaps, a line gets crossed, and Dino's lips crash into yours. His strong arms wrap around your soft body as he slips one hand under your robe, his palm burning your lower back with heat as he presses you closer to his body. "Chan-" your moan gets swallowed by him. His other hand cupping your neck, his thumb sweeping over your cheek as he kisses you deeper.

"Kiss it better, Pretty." His voice is hushed, his tongue rolling over your lips languidly, coaxing your mouth open so he can explore the new area with fervor. His hips buck up into yours, and you let out a cute whine, your arousal flooding your sleep shorts with your slick. You press down on his lap, dragging your cunt across his lap and sending his eyes rolling to the back of his head. "Fuck, yeah- jus' like that, rub that pretty pussy all over me, show me how good it feels."

Your whine is broken and needy. You feel too hot, your body burning up from his praise. It feels like he is everywhere. His warm hands slide from your back and neck to grab handfuls of your ass. He guides you over his cock again, the sleep shorts you wear rubbing deliciously over your sensitive clit each time he rolls your hips back and forth, back and forth. Your thighs tense, your fingers digging into his shoulders as you move sloppily. Your hips smacking down on his hard cock, grinding more as he groans lowly.

His mouth kisses, sucks, and bites across your neck. "Tha's it, use me. Get yourself off- does that feel good? Does it feel good rutting that pretty pussy on my cock? Bet you're soaking," he brands his filthy words across your shoulder with his tongue. And your robe is falling open from his nimble fingers, untying it.

You throw your head back. "Oh fuck, oh fuck," the heat in your stomach burns brighter. Your stomach is flexing as you swirl your hips, your pussy throbbing as your movements grow more erratic. You're close, and Dino can tell with how your jaw slacks open, your eyes crossing lewdly. It makes him curse under his breath as he takes over your movement. His grip on your waist is tightening as he uses his strength to keep you rubbing up on his lap.

"Look how pretty you are, humping on me so desperately." He taunts, and your thighs shake, your whimpers increasing in volume as he dips his head down. His mouth wraps around one of your nipples, still covered by your tank top. His tongue wetting through the fabric as he sucks. "Go ahead and cum f'me. Wan' see you make a mess, c'mon, let go."

Your whole body shudders, your eyes squeezing shut as you gasp his name like a plea for mercy. Your orgasm flashes through you like a storm. Your pussy throbbing around nothing as your sweet slick gushes onto your sleep shorts, seeping through the thin material and creating a wet spot on Chan's jeans.

Dino holds you through it, your body trembling in his embrace as he rubs your ass and lower back until you're putty in his hands. It's the hottest thing he's ever seen - you cumming on top of him. And his cock leaks profusely into his own boxers, staining them with every twitch of his cock.

When you're finally pulling your face from his neck, your eyes are watery with tears, and his neck a little wet with your drool. You see that he looks as fucked-out as you feel, and before you can say anything to him, he's flipping you both around. Your back sinks into the couch cushions beneath you, a leg draped over the back of the couch as Dino discards his shirt before pulling your sleep shorts off your body.

He groans like he is in pain when he realizes you aren't wearing any panties underneath. Your pretty pussy is on full display, glittering wet and still quivering for him. His large hand slides up the back of your leg that isn't draped over the couch, cupping the back of your knee, and pushes it up to your chest. "I wan' have a taste of that sweet pussy, but," his eyes swirl with lust, and his hands pushed his jeans and boxers down enough to free his aching cock. "I need to be inside you, Pretty. Need you to cum on my cock, don' you wan' that?" His words are already slurring like he's drunk, and your stomach squeezes in anticipation. You nod your head, dumbly agreeing, your eyes focused on his pretty cock.

Dino's cock is thick, long, and dripping with his precum. The tip of his cock is fat and angry red from how hard he is. You can see the prominent veins that run along his shaft, throbbing in need, and your mouth parts. Your tongue rolls over your lips as your mouth waters. You watch Chan wrap a fist around his cock. He pumps his cock from base to tip, twisting at the end and causing more of his precum to splurt out. He smears the cum back down his cock with a wet schlick, and he leans his big body over yours.

He guides his heavy cock between your thighs with one hand, and keeps your leg pushed to your chest with the other. He teases the fat mushroom tip of his cock through your wet folds, collecting your sweet juices and rubbing it into your pulsating clit. "Please," your voice sounds scratchy, breathless as you pant underneath him. Your pussy is weeping for him, and you're holding onto the couch cushion under you with one hand and his bicep with the other.

When Dino's cock notches on the entrance of your sopping cunt, his hips push forward, and his cock slips inside slowly. He takes his time to split you open, making sure you feel every inch push past your gummy rings. He forces you to feel every ridge and vein of his cock drag against your walls, rubbing all the sweet spots inside you as he forces his way in. And it's too much, he's so big, stealing the breath from your lungs. He's so thick your pussy has to mold to his length, squeezing his shaft ardently as he bottoms out in one long stroke.

And Chan isn't sure he's breathing. The vice grip your drooling cunt has on him makes his abs tense, his jaw clenching as he drops his head down with a whimpered groan. "Yeah, suck me deeper - hah - so warm and wet f'me, Pretty." His eyelashes flutter, his lungs burning to suck in a full breath, and his head spins - short-circuiting as you contract and release around his girth repeatedly. He thumbs over your puffy folds, spreading them, to get a good look at how you clench him so eagerly.

And Dino can't help but huff a bewildered laugh, his eyes glossing over as his sanity finally snaps. His hips move back, almost all the way out, before pushing back in. He pulls you by the hips to meet each one of his messy thrusts, smacking into you at a deep and hard pace. Your nails drag angry red lines down his sculpted back, and the mercy you begged for earlier when you cried out his name is thrown out the window as he stuffs you full over and over again.

"C-can't believe I didn't do this sooner," he's stuttering. Panting, open-mouthed, looking at your pussy in absolute shock. The sounds of your pussy squelching obscenely around his thick cock echo in the small living room, and fuck, it's not enough. Dino doesn't think it'll ever be enough, and he tells you just that, babbling nonsense between deep groans. "Gonna need to feel this pretty pussy all the time," His fingers pull your folds back to watch his cock disappear into your pretty cunt with a dreamy smile. "Gonna need her to cum on my cock over and over again." His eyes meet yours, pupils blown. "You're gonna hafta let me breed her."

Dino's drunk off your pussy, eyes swirling with unhinged chaos, his tongue dragging over your neck as he pounds you into the couch. His movements are hard, frenzied, and have the couch creaking across the floor. Chan's sharp teeth graze your earlobe, his hips fucking his heavy cock into your drooling cunt like an animal. Feral. And you can only hold on for dear life. Your thighs are burning, your stomach flexing as the knot in your stomach twists. "You gonna let me cum inside, right? Lemme fuck m'cum into ya until I give you another load of m'cum into your weeping cunt? Again and again and again."

You're stupidly dragging your cunt all over him, hips bucking pathetically as you try to meet his ruthless thrusts, your pussy squeezing him tighter and tighter; it has him laughing deliriously. "Oh, you like the thought of that, huh? Like the idea of me using you to cum over and over again?"

Each word he speaks has the head of his cock smooching filthy kisses to your sweet spot inside you. Bruising the spot with globs of his precum, and making your eyes roll back, your mouth dropping open into a scream.

Your pussy milks the soul out of Chan when you cum. Your glossy lips chanting, "yes, yes, fuck yes, please!" And your sweet juices gush so intensely, your pussy squirts onto Dino's pelvis, soaking him and triggering his own orgasm.

Thick, hot, and sticky ropes of his cum flood your quivering, wet pussy. And it feels like it's never-ending. He's cumming and cumming, until you are filled to the brim, his seed seeping from your over-filled pussy until it mixes together at the base of his cock into a creamy ring. And when he slips his cock from your tender cunt, more of his cum spills from your throbbing folds.

Chan can't help but drag his fingertips through the mess, pushing it back inside you as he moves down your body. And you have to blink heavily to clear the blurriness from your eyes.

Somehow, Dino looks worse than when he showed up at your place. His back is scratched up, with nail indents all over his biceps to accompany the cut on his lip and eyebrow. But you can't focus too much on that, not when he spreads your puffy folds apart to look at the mess he created in your pretty pussy. Your tongue feels heavy when you speak, and it sounds garbled from the drool that gathered in your mouth, "wha-"

Dino's tongue flattens on your cum-covered folds, his tongue licking a broad stripe all the way to your clit, and you're at a loss for words. "Told ya I wanted a taste," and then he slurps his tongue into your used cunt like a man starved. It's dirty, obscene, and oh so hot as he sucks, licks, and slurps the mess he's made of your pretty pussy. His groans muffled between your shaking thighs.

His tongue swirls around your pulsing clit sinfully, his fingers prodding your quivering wet channel until you're stretching around three of his long and thick fingers. You don't know if he's trying to lick you clean or fuck his cum back inside your weeping cunt. All you know is that you're falling fast into another creeping orgasm. Your stomach is tensing, your whimpers choked and high-pitched as you tug on his hair.

But your tugging only urges Dino on. His eyes closed in pleasure, lapping your sweet cunt lewdly as his free hand gripped your plush thighs hard enough to bruise. He curls his fingers deep into your pretty cunt and brushes the abused G-spot perfectly. Your entire body seizes, your walls clamping around his fingers as you suddenly cum for the third time. He strokes that soft spot repeatedly, leaning up to reach around and tap your puffy clit at the same time.

Your pussy convulses, and as he taps, taps, taps faster and faster. Your orgasm blooms into an all-consuming wave. Your ears ring, your mouth drops open, and your entire body hums. You don't even hear Dino as he praises you through it. "There we go, so hot- squirtin' on my tongue, c'mon, gimme all of it, Pretty."

When Chan's satisfied, his grin is smug and cocky. The lower half of his face drips obscenely with your sweet juices, and your ears feel like cotton is stuffed in them, muffling all noises other than your heart thumping loudly. You watch dazedly as he takes his time licking his mouth of your sweet honey, his bruised hand moves up to his mouth next, his eyes staring into yours head-on as he sucks his cum-covered fingers sloppily. "Thanks for kissing me better, Pretty."

A/N: As always, comments, kudos, and feedback are appreciated! Engagement with writers means a lot to ff writers - thank you to all who enjoyed!

Seungcheol carries you out of the shabby apartment building, stepping over many bodies he left along the staircase on his way up. You don’t know if they’re unconscious or dead, and frankly you don’t care. You bury your head in your alpha’s neck, trying to rid your body of the fear and anxiety you had felt for so many days. Your exhaustion feels bone-deep, and you feel no sense of resolution even if you’ve been rescued.

You only let Seungcheol go when he pulls a car door open and places you gently on the passenger seat. He circles around and drops into the driver’s seat with a long sigh, quickly turning the key in the ignition, putting the car into gear and peeling out of the sketchy place. He looks as exhausted as you feel, and on his pale skin, the fatigue leaves deep patches under his eyes. You cannot imagine the hell he has been put through over the last few days. You look away, unable to bear it. Your blank stare focuses out of the windshield instead.

“Where’s Mingyu?”

His voice is muted when he replies.

“Down in Busan. He’s dealing with the fallout of canceling the shipments from last night.”

You feel something in your chest tighten. Does that mean he knows what you did? Feeding Jihoon information? Your hands ball to fists. When you turn your head to look at him, he is focused on the road. But he probably feels your eyes on him, because he huffs softly.

“I know.”

You let out a shaky breath, feeling guilt pierce your chest, sharp and unrelenting. You don’t know what to say, so you just manage to get out the words that have been stuck in your throat for so many months.

“I’m sorry.”

He shakes his head before you can say anything more, and one of his hands reaches over the gearshift to take yours. As usual, his touch is warm over your frozen fingers. You can feel the scabs over his knuckles, formed because of the blood and cuts solidifying on the skin. You hold his hand tightly, afraid to let go.

“It’s not your fault. It was Jisoo, wasn’t it? He baited you into spying on my computer. I don’t blame you. Hell, even Jeonghan was fooled by him.”

You finally have a name to put to the face. The man with the helix earring. You nod slowly.

“He was Jeonghan’s beta. Well, they weren’t mated yet, but it was pretty damn close. ‘Any day now’, Jeonghan would always say. None of us could’ve imagined….”

His voice dies in his throat, and you see his shoulders rise as he pulls in a deep breath.

“Jeonghan never mentioned him.” You mumble. He only gives a curt nod.

“It’s kind of an unspoken rule that romantic partners aren’t explicitly mentioned until it’s official. Trust me, Jeonghan wanted to tell. He wanted to introduce you two. He thought you would get along really well. He was just waiting to mark Jisoo.”

You don’t reply, bile rising to your throat. You feel hollow, and strangely, in light of everything that’s happened, this information isn’t as much of a shock as it should be.

“Jisoo was to Jeonghan what Jeonghan was to me. A listening ear, a sound mind. He was clever, so he often gave Jeonghan advice on how to handle things. He has been around for a long time, since before my brothers took over from my father. We met him when we were still young. He was family, almost. I guess that’s why it was so easy for him and Jihoon to cause so much destruction without anyone noticing.”

Seungcheol tells you everything he had managed to get out of Jisoo down in Busan. How it was never just Jihoon working undercover, but the two of them together. How Jisoo strategically stayed away from you, how Jihoon purposefully didn’t mention him to you, in case they might need to pull something later on. And they did. Jisoo’s anonymity to you came to their advantage when he was able to smoothly manipulate you, play on your emotions enough to make you spy on Seungcheol’s shipments. Both of them saw how close you were getting, feeling their leverage slip away, so Jisoo played the game to make sure you hated Seungcheol enough to still help them take him down. And you did.

It had been Jisoo who arranged for your kidnapping with Soonyoung, perfectly planned during Seungcheol’s rut, when his best bodyguard, Mingyu, would not be with you, and on the specific day of the month that shipments with Seungcheol’s name arrived on the docks, the ones you had told Jihoon about. If these exact shipments were intercepted, they would have no plausible deniability, and that could land Seungcheol in jail with complete certainty.

There were a lot of moving pieces that came together to make this work. Thankfully, it didn’t, because of the call you made to Jeonghan minutes before Soonyoung got to you.

“You spent your last moments of freedom to warn us.” Seungcheol muses, running his thumb slowly over the back of your hand. “You keep saving my business, sweetheart.”

His voice is light and teasing, but you only shake your head and sniffle. “I was the reason all this happened in the first place.”

“You are not. I told you, even Jeonghan was fooled by that man. Do you really think you stood a chance when Jeonghan didn’t?”

It’s a good point, the fact that Jeonghan of all people was hoodwinked like this. But you still fight the feeling of guilt, and you suspect you will for a long time afterwards. You sigh tiredly. “Where is Jeonghan?”

Seungcheol blinks but keeps his focus forward. “He’s….. dealing with Jisoo.”

You know what that’s code for. Your heart hurts for your friend. You can’t imagine how much pain he must feel, loving someone whose only motive was to destroy everything he worked so hard for. For you, the beta with the helix earring was a stranger who played with your anger. But for Jeonghan, that’s someone he loved for many years, and planned to love for a lifetime.

“He’ll be fine.” Seungcheol squeezes your hand, like he senses your worry. “Jeonghan is stronger than any of us give him credit for.”

You nod slowly, but you don’t know if you believe him.

………………………………………

Seungkwan is a mess by the time you finally get back home. His face is covered with tears and snot, flushed red by the pressure of his own emotions. He hugs you so tight that you’re afraid he might crack a few ribs, but you let him hold you for as long as he wants. You pat his back and he cries in loud, heaving breaths. He keeps blabbering about how worried he was, and you try to console him the best that you can until Seungcheol huffs and finally tears him off you, saying something about how you need to rest.

You sit in the living room for a while, Seungcheol standing in the doorway as Chan looks you over. He puts some ointment on the gash on your leg and says you don’t need bandages, since it’s well on its way to healing already. In the distance, you can hear Seungkwan on the phone with someone, you suspect Mingyu, telling him that you’re back home and that you’re okay. Afterwards, Seungcheol finally leads you upstairs to your room.

You sit on the edge of the mattress, feeling it sink under your weight. It feels like it has been ages since you were last here, even if it has only been a few days. Seungcheol sighs and drops down beside you, running a hand through his hair. You are hit with his scent again, and you remember that he is still, technically, in rut. Even though it’s waning and almost gone.

“This might have been your worst rut ever.” You quip, and he laughs a little before looking at you. His eyes are soft, but tired. It looks like every muscle in his body is pulled taut. You push up towards the headboard, gesturing for him to do the same.

“Lie down with me.”

He should have protested, like he did that day when you came to see him in his room. But too much has happened, and you know Seungcheol’s mind weighs heavy with it. You know he has missed you, just as you have missed him. So he just nods.

He drapes himself carefully over you, your legs framing his torso, his face burying into your neck. His hands gently enclose your sides and hips. His weight feels grounding and sure on you, and it quietens the buzzing under your skin. You feel his breath hit the mark on your neck, and you shiver at the feeling. The mark he put on you. You remember how close you were to losing it, how close Seokmin came to erasing Seungcheol’s ownership of you. Your chest twists at the thought.

“What is it?” Seungcheol mumbles, feeling you tense up under him. You bite the inside of your cheek, hesitating. If you tell him, he will lose his shit.

Seungcheol pulls his head up enough to look at you, his nose nudging your cheek. You sigh, still hesitant.

“Soonyoung took me because he figured out a way to break our bond.”

Seungcheol blinks a few times, processing the words, before he pushes himself up on his elbows to hover over you and look at you properly, his thick brows furrowed. “What?”

“The man in the room,” you avoid looking into his eyes, “was Seokmin. The….. the alpha I told you about.”

You had mentioned Seokmin very briefly to Seungcheol a few weeks ago. It was casual and offhanded, and Seungcheol had only snorted and waved it away, saying you were his, so it didn’t matter.

Now, you see his eyes darken. You wonder again if you should just stop here, but you know Seungcheol won’t let this go. You swallow and stare up at the ceiling.

“The idea was to have Seokmin bite over your mark, and that it would break our bond and form one with him instead.”

That makes Seungcheol scoff. “It doesn’t work that way.”

You feel heat creep up on your cheeks. You still don’t look at him. “It does if our bond isn’t…… consummated.”

You can feel him stiffen over you, but he doesn’t reply. You lay in silence for a bit. His eyes are still on you, but you pointedly avoid meeting his gaze. You get more and more unnerved the longer he stays silent, until finally, Seungcheol sighs deeply and lowers himself again, his face pressing into your neck once more. Finally, he speaks.

“I should’ve killed him.”

You relax a smidge and shake your head, even if it’s stiff and choppy. You run your hand through the hair on the back of his head, trying to placate him. Seungcheol’s hands are still on your hips, and you can feel his hold tighten.

“Did he touch you?”

You shake your head immediately. His hands are traveling up your sides now, stopping just below your breasts, large hands enveloping either side of your ribcage. Your lips part and you breathe deep.

“But he wanted to,” Seungcheol continues, his voice breathy, deep, barely above a whisper. “He wanted to touch what’s mine.”

Your legs, draped on either side of your alpha’s hips, tighten a little, knees digging slightly into his waist. With every word, Seungcheol’s breath hits the mark on your neck, the mark that’s now tingling. You tilt your head up when his lips make contact with the skin, your eyelids fluttering. Something electric and tight is coiling in the base of your stomach. You feel like your breaths are getting heavier.

“Maybe it’s my fault.” His voice reverberates through your skull, raspy, almost like a growl. “Maybe I should’ve taken you long ago, so he wouldn’t even dream of doing this. Should’ve fucked my knot into you ages ago so you were wholly, truly mine.”

You mewl at his words, caught off guard by how dirty it sounds. But your opening is clenching, you can tell, arousal building in your core as Seungcheol’s touch grows heavy and imposing. It feels like the temperature in the room is rising, aided by your and his heaving breaths. Seungcheol’s tongue runs insistently over your mark and your scent glands, bathing you in his pheromones. His waning rut looks like it’s intensifying, dense and charged in the air. Ever so lightly, his hips cant into yours, and you feel it, hard and insistent, on the apex of your hips. You whine again.

“Such pretty noises, baby.” He whispers. “Always wondered what you would sound like under me. So sweet, my love.” He grinds again, just shy of your core, pressing a little but not nearly enough. “You want it?”

You nod furiously, feeling like your voice has failed you. You don’t know if you can even think of words right now, so you dig your nails into his clothed shoulders, and you let out a long, pathetic whine. Seungcheol groans into your neck.

“You smell so good when you’re turned on, omega.” His hips have found a slow, lazy rhythm, dragging over your outer lips, a teasing sensation that has your own pelvis jerking, trying to get him where you need him the most. You don’t even know why you want him there, you’ve never felt anything like this before. All you know is that your whole body is buzzing, and if you don’t feel him against you properly, and soon, you will lose your mind.

“Seungcheol…..” You whimper, and your alpha hums, his lips traveling up, teeth nipping softly over the angle of your jaw. His hands, large and warm, slide under your shirt, and they feel like fire on your bare skin. He grinds again, and you squeeze your eyes shut in frustration. You wiggle, try to shift. You want more so badly, but you don’t know how to get it.

“Relax, baby. I’ve got you.”

Then he shifts just slightly to the right, and he pushes his throbbing erection against you again, sliding right between your clothed slit. You gasp and arch when he rubs and presses over your tiny little nub, your arms wrapping tightly around his broad shoulders as you shake at the new sensation. Seungcheol chuckles, and you can feel his smile against your cheek.

“Feel good?” He whispers. You sigh when he does it again, and you clench so tightly that it constricts your hips and legs around him. Something is running down between your legs, and you flush at the feeling. Seungcheol groans again.

“I can smell you, omega. Fuck, you’re wet for me?”

You nod shakily, blinking to try and wave away the thin film of tears coating your eyes. It just feels so good, like your head has been emptied and all you want is to feel him hump you like this for hours and hours. But your omega whines, scratches at your chest. It wants more, it wants-

“Alpha, your knot.” Your voice is high and shaky. You almost don’t recognise it. “Please, alpha. Give it to me.”

Seungcheol groans and pushes his hips into you again. It still feels good, but it’s covered in a thin layer of frustration now. You want more, and you think he wants more too, because his hands slide down over your bare sides to hook into your leggings. He peels them and your panties off in one go. You feel your skin rise with goosebumps as cold air hits your legs, but the sensation is muted when large, warm hands run over your calves, then your thighs.

Seungcheol bucks his hips into you again, and you gasp at how much more pronounced the sensation is now that two layers of cloth are gone. His hands run from your knees, up your inner thighs, squeezing at the flesh a little as he spreads them. He presses his forehead to yours, his breath right over your lips as he watches you. His eyes are warm, swirling pools of brown, careful as they look at you.

“I’m going to touch you now, okay?”

You nod eagerly, and Seungcheol’s lips twist up a little in an amused chuckle. You feel fingers, warm and sure, rub over your outer lips, testing, before slowly running through your wet, messy slit. Your lips part, breathing in deeply. Seungcheol’s thumb slides up to bump gently over your sensitive clit. You gasp.

His touch doesn’t leave you wanting at all. The pad of his thumb presses insistently into your nub, rubbing tiny circles over it as your face crumples and you arch into his chest. His forehead doesn’t leave yours, he watches you intently as he works you over.

“Good?” He rasps. He knows the answer, if your writhing, undulating body under him is any indication, but he still wants you to say it. You can’t though, you feel like your tongue is made of lead. You only nod wordlessly, fisting the sheets under you as he presses over your clit again and again. You feel something prod your entrance, before one thick finger breaches your opening and slowly slides in, down to the last knuckle.

You cry out at the intrusion, Seungcheol’s thumb still rubbing tight circles into your clit as he coos at you, lips brushing right over yours. Before you can really process it, another finger joins the first, and this time, you really feel a stretch. Your eyes widen, jaw going slack as he rubs over your walls. He keeps prodding through you, opening you up, and you don’t know what he’s doing, don’t know that he’s looking for something until his fingers curl up and the pads press right over that something.

You scream, feeling your legs lock as pleasure washes over your whole body in waves. You shake and cry through it, distantly hearing Seungcheol groan with approval as his fingers press harder and firmer over the little spot, thumb still sliding wetly over your clit. You feel like you’ve blacked out for a second, your whole body trembling as whatever this feeling is finally ebbs down, leaving you light and twitchy. Seungcheol is watching you closely, a ghost of a smile gracing his face. His cheeks are flushed.

“That was beautiful. You look so pretty when you cum, baby.”

You’re still gasping for breath, feeling how hot your entire body is. Your left leg kicks with the aftershocks. Seungcheol chuckles. You feel him shift, realising his fingers are still inside you. He pulls them apart just a bit, scissoring them, and your walls stretch. Your eyelids flutter and you sigh.

“You want more?”

You nod, biting your lip shyly. He laughs a little again, laying a tender kiss on your cheek.

He fingers you faster this time, pulling them in and out, adding a third one until you feel like you’re full with him, gasping and crying under his hold. You’re writhing so much that he has to wrap his free arm around your waist, holding your body tight against him. He whispers absolutely filthy things into your ear, telling you how long he has wanted to feel your insides like this, how dirty you sound drenching his whole hand and making a mess on the bed. The thrusting of his fingers gets wetter, squelching noises that have you whining and burying your face in his neck. He lets you, coos at you, keeps fucking his fingers into you until your weeping and crying, another orgasm barreling through your body, leaving you dizzy, shaky, breathless.

His tongue runs over your cheek, licking up the salt that leaks from your eyes. He pulls his fingers out and runs his wet, messy hand all over your sopping pussy. You twitch when he brushes over your abused clit, whimpering, digging your fingers into his biceps. Then he pulls his hand up and buries all three of his fingers into his mouth, closing his lips around them. He groans as his eyelids flutter.

You watch him with fascination, feeling your cheeks heat at his actions. He pulls them out with a pop, licking over them a few more times, like he doesn’t want to miss a single taste. You feel your now empty cunt clench as you watch your alpha taste you like this. You wonder what it would feel like to have his face buried between your legs. You feel dirty just thinking about it. You can't stop your hands from reaching up and weaving through his thick hair, pulling him down so his lips crash into yours.

Seungcheol moans into your mouth, his tongue parting your lips to slide against yours. You taste yourself and it makes you whine into him.

“Nasty slut.” His voice is harder, sharper. Your stomach jolts. “You like tasting yourself like this?”

You whimper and nod, still sucking on his tongue. Seungcheol lets you, using this moment to strip his pants, pulling back when he tugs his shirt over his head. He discards your remaining clothes next, undoing your bra with one flick and ripping it away. He runs his eyes all over your naked, sweaty body, and you watch him lave his tongue over his bottom lip. He looks like he wants to devour you, and you quiver at the feeling.

“Beautiful.” He whispers, his hands running over your skin. He reaches your breasts, pinching your nipples enough to make you gasp. “And all mine.”

You gaze hungrily at the naked expanse of his chest, stretched and smooth, a hard set of abs, the little happy trail that leads to his cock. He’s huge, throbbing and flushed deep pink, glistening at the tip where he leaks. A vein is pulsing along the shaft, angry and insistent, but no part of you is worried. Your lust-addled mind is convinced you can take him. You want him to stuff you full so badly, stretch you out around him until you can’t think straight. Unconsciously, you buck up again. He notices, smirks.

When he kisses you again, it’s more urgent, desperate. His hands are rougher as he tugs you down a little, hooking them under your knees and spreading you more for him. You let him manhandle you however he wants, body slowly going pliant as your omega whines. You are his to take, you trust him completely.

He prods at your entrance, head thicker than anything you’ve taken so far. When he breaches you, you draw in a sharp breath. His thumb finds your clit again.

“Relax.”

He works himself into you slowly but surely, pulling out and thrusting in little by little, kissing you and touching you all over, until he has sunk in all the way to the base. Your toes are curling, breaths coming hard and fast, tears in your eyes. You feel impossibly full, like he has reached all the way through you to your head, emptied your insides until all you feel is him, him, him. He licks over your open mouth, drowning you in himself, groaning into you so wantonly. You’re glad to know you’re not the only one so affected.

“God.” He sounds as wrecked as you feel. “You’re squeezing me so good, baby. Haven’t even fucked you yet and I’m already so close.”

You whine and buck into him, making him spit out a curse. He grinds into you and you whimper, digging your nails into his shoulder blades. Seungcheol finally pulls out almost all the way before sinking in again, still slow, the glorious drag of his cock over your walls making you arch high into him. He slides an arm under you, using his other elbow to prop himself up. He widens his knees a bit, and you almost clamp up in anticipation.

He doesn’t disappoint.

He fucks you hard and fast, the wet plopping sound of skin on skin getting more pronounced as he chooses a frantic, delicious rhythm. You cry with every thrust, punctuated moans ripping from your chest as he hits deep. He’s panting with the effort of holding your jostling body in place to take exactly what he is giving you, and you can see the sweat build up on his temples, one drop rolling slowly down the side of his face. You tilt your head up and run your tongue over it, tasting the salt as it invades your mouth. He lets you do whatever you want, moaning in encouragement, focused on ramming his cock into you again and again, your cunt already molded to his shape, squeezing deliciously over his shaft.

The whole room is sweltering hot, filling up with yours and his mixed scents in a way that makes you heady. The bed shakes back and forth, its frame always so sturdy but not enough to withstand the power of his thrusts without squeaking with every intense movement. He’s so big that he doesn’t have to shift the angle in any way to hit that sweet spot inside you. Every drag of his cock brushes right over it, like he was made for your little pussy. The thought turns you on so much that you wrap your arms tightly around his sweaty body, nearly delirious as you tilt your head up, right under his nose.

“Alpha,” you gasp, “bite me.”

Seungcheol snarls and doesn’t hesitate, opening his mouth and sinking his teeth into your now healed skin, right over where he already put his mark on you. Your eyes roll, your omega howls, and your orgasm barrels headfirst into you, knocking all the air out of you as you squeeze pathetically around his cock. He fucks you through it, moaning and groaning about how good you feel like this. Your rim stretches as his thrusts get sloppy, and you realise that the base of his cock is swelling rapidly, preparing itself for the omega under him. He is licking hungrily over your now fresh mark, his grip on you tightening so much you think your bones might crack. But you’re delirious under his weight, and you’re ready for him.

He groans and curses, voice breaking as he finally bullies his knot into you, shuddering as his orgasm washes over him and bathes your insides. You watch him with bleary eyes, feeling his muscles twitch and jerk under your sweaty palms. His eyes are squeezed shut, plump and swollen lips parted as he rides the waves. You can’t help but reach up and kiss him deep. He kisses you back with equal fervor as he finally comes down, breathing heavily.

The air is humid, thick, as you both try to catch your breaths. Seungcheol’s kisses turn soft and slow, less desperate as he takes his time. You wrap your arms tightly around him as he shifts to lay down on his side, his knot still locked inside you. He sighs and relaxes as you stroke his hair. He tugs the blanket over both of you, entrapping the warmth under it so you won’t get cold. You’re so tired and fucked out, you can’t stay awake even if you wanted to.

You fall asleep with the gentle scent of oak in your nose.

…………………………………..

When you come to, you’re alone in bed.

You turn on your back and stretch, wincing at how sore your hips are. You flush when you think of why that is, all the memories from before you slept coming back to you. A glance to the window tells you that it’s dark outside, but Seungcheol is nowhere to be seen.

You sit up slowly, realising that the sticky mess between your legs is gone. Did he clean you up? You flush at the thought.

There’s a glass of water and a bottle of painkillers next to the bed that makes your lips twitch with amusement. You take two quickly, finally swinging your legs over so you can get up.

Your movements are sluggish as you trudge to your wardrobe and pull on the comfiest and warmest clothes you can find. Your limbs are still stiff, and you really want to just stay in bed, but you also want to find Seungcheol and curl into him, wherever he is. You don’t know if it’s because you broke a physical barrier, or if it’s because you were away from him for days and scared that you would never see him again, but you feel like you need him more now. Like you need to be around him at all times.

You lumber down the staircase, still drowsy, wondering where exactly your alpha could be. Your mind and movements are stopped short when you enter the kitchen to find Jeonghan sitting on the island, a transparent glass with murky brown liquid in front of him. There’s no one else there, just him.

He looks up when he hears you, eyes widening. He immediately gets up to walk closer to you, wrapping his arms tightly around you in a hug. He seems like alcohol. You stiffen.

“I’m sorry.” His voice is frail, wavy. “I’m so sorry, doll.”

Your heart squeezes and you hug him back, eyes falling shut. You realise that Jeonghan blames himself for what happened, because he was the one who unknowingly gave Jisoo the information he needed that led to your kidnapping. In a way, it feels the exact same as your guilt with giving Jihoon sensitive details of Seungcheol’s business, except you are sure it feels ten times worse for Jeonghan, who put his heart and soul into this empire, and had way more at stake than you did.

“It’s okay, Jeonghan.” You mumble into his chest, patting his back softly. “It’s not your fault.”

Jeonghan only squeezes you tighter and shakes his head. You can feel a very slight tremor in his body, and that makes you pull away a little to look at him. Up close, the sight of him is heartbreaking. His hair is messy and limp, like he’s been tugging at it. The bags under his eyes are so prominent that you’re afraid he might drop at any moment. His eyelids are rimmed red, bloodshot, and you wonder how long he’s been crying. His lips are dry and chapped. He looks like a wreck.

You coax him to sit down again, asking him if he’s eaten. He shakes his head mutely and you quickly spring to the fridge to see what you can whip up for him right now. You’re surprised to find a lot of leftovers in boxes. Mingyu must’ve made all this before he left for Busan. You heat some chicken and rice, setting the plate in front of your friend. Discretely, you pull away the glass of whiskey that sits in front of him. He’s too busy staring off into space to notice.

Jeonghan eats slowly, more so picking at the food than actually putting it in his mouth, but you don’t force him. His eyes are hollow and blank. You sit with him quietly as he manages to eat at least a quarter of the plate. You will take it.

You can hear the front door open and close, followed by a familiar voice. It’s sharp and questioning, and you wonder if he’s on the phone. Your suspicions are confirmed when Seungcheol enters the room, eyebrows furrowed with tension at whatever someone on the other end is saying. He is wearing a loose t-shirt and sweatpants. It looks like he just rolled out of bed. His face softens when he sees you, but it twists again at his annoyance when he focuses on whoever he is talking to. He covers the mouthpiece with his hand and looks at Jeonghan.

“It’s Mingyu.” He grits.

Jeonghan blinks. “Is it about the shipments?”

Your alpha nods. Jeonghan stands up and holds his hand out. “Let me talk to him.”

Seungcheol is a little hesitant, but he hands the phone over anyway. Jeonghan walks out of the room with it, talking softly into the receiver. Seungcheol sighs and walks closer to you, smiling softly.

“Hi, baby.”

You pout when he presses a kiss to the crown of your head. “You were gone when I woke up.”

He settles on a stool next to you, his hand not leaving your waist. He gently rubs over your side. “I know, I’m sorry. I had to take care of some stuff and I didn’t want to wake you. And then Jeonghan came back….”

You worry your bottom lip between your teeth. “He looks awful.”

Seungcheol sighs and nods slowly. “He’s not holding up too well right now.”

You rest your head on his shoulder, feeling his lips on your hairline. You know it will take time for Jeonghan to heal. Maybe he will never be the same again. All you can do is be there for him the best that you can.

In this life, there is always pain, in one form or the other.

Jeonghan doesn’t stay too long afterwards, saying he’s tired and he’s going to try and sleep a little. You insist he stay at the house, but he pushes back vehemently against it, calling one of the drivers outside to pull his car up. Seungcheol shakes his head, so you stop asking, letting him leave on his own terms. Seungcheol knows better, obviously, so if Jeonghan needs to be alone right now, you won’t push. Jeonghan thanks you for the meal and turns to leave, before remembering something and looking at Seungcheol.

“That thing you asked,” he says, “Mingyu said he is taking care of it.”

Seungcheol nods and thanks him. He finally leaves. You give your alpha a questioning look. He wraps his arms around you and stands up, carrying you out of the kitchen while nudging his forehead affectionately against yours.

“Don’t worry about it. Just some work related stuff.”

You giggle and do what he says, the thought slipping from your mind completely before you even reach the bedroom, Seungcheol’s lips are already running up your neck, hands tugging your shirt up and off your body.

Across town, Mingyu cleans the blood off his knife as he stands in a small, studio apartment where he found his target nursing a really bad right hook on his jaw. Seungcheol has always had a mean swing, so it’s no wonder the guy was knocked out cold for hours. He was still dizzy when Mingyu showed up, so the struggle was minimal before Mingyu tilted his head back and slit his throat with one precise slash. He doesn’t know why exactly Seungcheol wants the man dead, but the order had been explicit. Besides, Seungcheol doesn’t kill just for the sake of killing. This man probably did something that really, really pissed Seungcheol off.

Mingyu’s movements are practiced as he cleans up after himself, leaving no trace. It wouldn’t matter even if he did, since no one in this area dared challenge anyone associated with the Choi empire, but Seungcheol’s always been cautious. He makes sure to preserve a finger, like Seungcheol ordered, to send to your dear old brother as a warning to stay far, far away.

Something tells Mingyu that Hoshi is not the type to take verbal warnings seriously, but a severed finger belonging to his closest ally might be enough to shut him up for a while.

…………………………………….

The following months are quaint.

Everything slowly goes back to normal, the same routine you had before it all went to hell. You wake up and have breakfast with Chan, and sometimes with Mingyu. Seungcheol goes back to his office routine, and you join him for lunch on most days. With both Jihoon and Jisoo out of the way, Busan seems to be flourishing. Things are looking up, and you couldn’t be happier about it.

There’s differences, of course. Both good and bad.

Jeonghan is dimmer now, a little more subdued than his normal, snappy, mischievous self. To the untrained eye, he is exactly the same, but you are not fooled, and neither are your closest friends. There was a spark in him that has wavered now. You know it will take him a long time to be normal, to trust again. But Seungcheol is there, reliable and someone to lean on, not just for you but for Jeonghan as well. In moments when you’re all together, watching Seungkwan and Chan bicker about something completely trivial and nonsensical, Jeonghan giggles and tries to egg them on, and for brief stretches, it feels like he’s back to his regular self. This tells you that maybe, eventually, everything will be okay.

Sometimes, you find Seungcheol drifting away too, his eyes glossing over and face blank, stiff. You know that under Jeonghan’s grief, Seungcheol’s might not be as prominent. But he was also betrayed by two men his family clearly trusted enough to let in. They might be gone now, but they caused unbelievable damage to the family before they did. It can’t be easy for him, and you know it makes him less trusting, more jumpy, about every little decision he has to make. So while everyone leans on Seungcheol to heal from their losses, you let Seungcheol lean on you. You let him lay with you at night, breathing shaky as he holds you tight, shoulders loosening after an entire day of carrying everything on his back. You try your best to be his support while he is everyone else’s.

Things change for the better too, of course.

You’ve grown a strange clinginess for your alpha, whining and complaining when he has to leave in the morning, his warmth ripped from your side. He always patters you with a million apologies and kisses, promising that he will try to get off early. Towards lunchtime, you find yourself waltzing into his office. Either he eats with you, or if he is too busy, you stick your tongue out at him and hook your arm into Seungkwan’s, telling your alpha that you are stealing his PA for a lunch date. He watches with amusement as you two traipse out of the room, taking a long lunch just to piss him off.

You always pay for it later when he bends you over his desk and fucks you so good that you see stars, whispering in your ear that he can’t believe you bratty you’ve become, that he needs to fuck the attitude out of you so you’re pliant and pretty again. He doesn’t stop until you’re shaky and teary, spitting out weak apologies and promising that you’ll be good for him again.

(You toe the line on purpose sometimes, when you want it extra hard.)

He notices your heat before you do.

You wake up feverish and sweaty one autumn morning, feeling weirdly jumpy in your own skin. You blink blearily at the wall clock to realise that it’s barely dusk, the sky still mostly dark outside. Seungcheol is steadily snoring away, his bare back to you, the large oak tree tattoo on his back rising and falling with each breath. You run a trembling hand over his skin, feeling his muscles jump under your touch. Unable to help yourself, you press your lips between his shoulder blades.

It’s your scent that tips him off, rousing him from his sleep to find you already breathless, great big blotches of red staining your face. You whine at him, unbelievably turned on as you throw your leg over his waist to climb over him. When he realises, he lets out a sound halfway between a chuckle and a groan.

“Pretty little thing, you’ve gone into heat.” He whispers, voice still hoarse and thick with sleep, letting you grind down on his rapidly swelling cock. You hardly ever ride him, mostly because you say it makes you feel shy. But you’re shameless about it now, grabbing his cock from behind and sinking down on him, so wet that he glides in smooth and easy. You both moan in unison.

Seungcheol watches you bounce on him for a little, alternating between fucking yourself down on him properly and swiveling your hips in little figure eights so that your clit grinds on his navel. He encourages you, gripping your hips to aid your movements. God, you’re so pretty like this, panting over him as you fuck yourself on him, getting more and more sweaty with the exertion, using him for your own pleasure. It’s such a contrast to how you usually are, still mostly shy about the concept of sex, even when he can see how much you enjoy it. But right now, like this, you’re uninhibited by your usual innocence, an embodiment of nothing but pure lust.

It’s depraved, how insane the sight of you on top of him makes him feel, and he quickly feels his self control waning as you whine in dissatisfaction over him. Of course, you can’t do it the way he does it, can’t hit as deep as he does, can’t pick up the same speed. So Seungcheol pulls your body down on him, anchoring your arms to your sides and planting his feet firmly on the mattress before he starts rapidly fucking up into you.

You cum three times just like that.

He knows it’s your heat making you oversensitive, but god, he loves it. He can feel your slick run down his balls, already ruining the sheets under you. Your tears as you cry with every orgasm, which he laps up carefully, reverently. He doesn’t care that the sheets are quickly getting damp, that you’re being a little louder than you probably should. He feels his knot swell, locking inside you as he groans. His own self control is weakened, heady and sluggish because of your sweet pheromones, but he doesn’t mind. He will give you whatever you want, as many times as you want it. He’s not leaving this room until you’re stuffed full of his knots and unable to think straight.

A couple of phone calls later, everyone is already gathering downstairs, ready for a week of working from home. Only this time, it’s Seungkwan who takes care of you two, and not Jeonghan or Mingyu. As if Seungcheol would let any other alpha in your immediate vicinity right now without ripping their insides out. Twenty four hours into your heat, Mingyu is tiredly handing out earplugs to everyone. Seungkwan rolls his eyes at his alpha’s dramatics and snorts.

“It’s not that bad!”

Mingyu gives his mate an incredulous look and huffs. “Not that bad? I can hear it in my sleep. She’s going to be pregnant by the time they’re done.”

Everyone snickers, even Jeonghan.

You’re not sure you can look your friends in the eye by the time your heat has ended. Now in your senses again, you realise they heard everything. Everything. And Seungkwan has no qualms about describing the sounds in disgusting, theatrical detail. You’re mortified, watching your friends crack up at the reenactment. When you turn to your alpha to protest and tell him to make Seungkwan stop, all you see is a large, sleazy, shit-eating grin on his face that makes you smack his chest hard. He only laughs and hugs you tight, your face buried in his shoulder. Everyone is still laughing and jeering. God, you hate them. All of them.

(You don’t.)

These last few weeks have been the most impressive run of insanely crappy weeks you’ve ever had.

Everything just keeps going wrong. With work, with bills, and even a petty fight with one of your closest friends. To top it all off, your last phone call with your mother went awry too, with her complaining about your schedule and you getting a little too harsh on the phone. You regretted it immediately, but now she’s a little icy with you, which only dampens your mood further.

It has just been bad overall, so this shopping trip with Seungkwan is really something you need, even if you don’t have a whole lot of money to spend.

“Oh, I like this one.”

You hold the large coat up to your chest and turn to Seungkwan so he can take a look. It’s huge, falling all the way to your knees, and the fur is dark brown, a neutral and earthy color that looks shiny and smooth. It’s very soft to touch, and you have to wonder how it ended up in a thrift store. It looks and feels so high quality.

Seungkwan tilts his head as he appraises it. “Put it on.”

You do, standing in front of the full-length mirror for a better look. You turn to assess some angles, but you’re quickly being distracted from the way it looks, focusing more on the way it feels. It’s comforting as hell, and very warm. You’re still in awe that you managed to dig up something so good from this store.

“I’m getting it.” You announce before Seungkwan can even give his opinion. You don’t know why, but you really feel drawn to this coat. Something tells you that you need to own it. And after the shit week you’re having (it’s not even Wednesday), you think you deserve this. You haven’t bought anything new in ages. If this can give you a little boost of happiness when you feel like you’re drowning, then you won’t pass that opportunity up.

It doesn’t cost a lot, considering how wonderful it feels on your skin and the fact that you’re getting your next paycheck after the weekend. You feel a positive sensation jump in your chest as you walk out of the store, listening to Seungkwan whine about something work related. You’re quickly swept up in his emotions, augmenting his words and losing yourself in the conversation. You really do need to vent, and Seungkwan is the perfect person for something like that. He matches your energy, understands your struggle since he himself is afflicted with a terrible case of jerk-boss. You feel like you are shedding off pounds and pounds of negative build-up, which you are so thankful for.

Two more workdays follow your trip with Seungkwan, and they weigh heavily on you. By the time the weekend rolls around, you are so grateful you could cry. You need this, the relief of two whole days of no work. You get home on limbs that weigh like lead. With nothing but rotting in bed in your mind, you quickly change into something more comfortable, a loose shirt and leggings. You go through your streaming services to find something to watch as you cook. Just when you’re settling on the couch to start eating your freshly cooked meal, you hear a knock on your door.

Your eyebrows furrow, confused. For one, you aren’t expecting anyone. And for another, you have a doorbell, so the fact that someone is knocking makes even more questions arise. Before you can think further, there’s another knock, more insistent this time, and you’re quickly placing your bowl on the coffee table and scrambling to the door before you can wonder about who it might be. You curse the fact that front doors in your apartment building don’t have peepholes. You carefully unlock and open the door a tiny smidge, peering outside. You blink, confused at the sight.

It’s a man. He looks young, around your age, and has a head of thick, shaggy brown hair that is falling into his equally dark eyes. You look down, and you pause at what you’re seeing. He’s wearing a sweater vest over what looks like another sweater, both terribly mismatched. And he’s wearing…. a skirt?

Yes, it’s a plaid skirt. Deep maroon. Layered over dark denim jeans. And right below them, leather sandals.

You don’t even know what to say. You look back up at the man, and this time, he’s wearing a wide smile. His eyes are wide and bright, and you’re caught off guard by how cheerful he looks.

“Hi.” His voice is fresh, chirpy. You nod your head uncertainly.

“Hello.” Your own is uncertain and damp. You hold the edge of the door tightly, bracing yourself.

“My name is Chan.” He says.

You nod slowly. “Okay.” There’s no way in hell you are telling this stranger your name.

“May I come in?”

Your jaw drops at the question. Who is this man? Why is he dressed so strangely?

“Who are you?” You can’t help but scowl. You don’t have time for this. If this is some strange sales call or something, you are not interested.

The man blinks, as if confused by the question. “I’m Chan.”

Is he stupid? You stare at him for a moment. “Look, I don’t know you and whatever you’re selling, I’m not interested.”

As you go to close the door, the man rushes forward, knocking his palm on the wood and stopping it in place. You freeze, feeling slightly scared now. He immediately pulls his hand away, now fiddling with his fingers and looking incredibly nervous.

“I’m your husband.”

You blink once. Twice. He doesn’t say anything more, just stares like he has told you nothing more than a fact about the weather.

“Excuse me?”

He looks just as nervous, but he nods slowly. “You took my fur. You bought it. So I’m your husband.”

You are so confused and shocked that you don’t even realise you’ve opened the door properly. You’re just holding the doorframe now, jaw dropped, an incredulous look on your face as you eye him. He shifts a little uncomfortably, swaying back and forth as he wrings his hands.

“I’m a selkie.” He babbles. “You bought my fur. I’ve been looking everywhere for it. I lost it near the pier a few weeks ago. I can’t go back without it. But I’ve found it now. It belongs to you. Which means I belong to you now. I’m your husband.”

You don’t understand more than two words out of his mouth. Briefly, you think of drugs, and you edge the door slowly closed again.

“Listen,” you say, trying to keep annoyance and confusion out of your tone to make it more soft. Maybe he will listen to you that way. “There’s a shelter just a few blocks down. I promise you will find help there. I’m sure if you ask someone, they will tell you exactly where it is.”

You wave your arm to the left in a vague gesture for direction. He just stares at you. You fidget.

“I can’t leave.” He says. “You have my fur. I belong to you.”

You are starting to get a little scared, so you shake your head vaguely as you keep pushing the door closed. “Sorry. I can’t help you.”

You close the door before he can say anything else, immediately locking it. You stare at it for a second, listening. You can’t hear shuffling, or footsteps. You wonder if he has left.

You double check the locks before moving back inside, wondering what you should do. The whole interaction has left you a little shaken. You eye your now cold food, and the paused movie on your television screen. It only makes you grit your jaw and huff, feeling annoyed again. You have enough on your plate without worrying about some weirdo at your door. You can’t let this weigh on you. It’s probably a one-off, someone who just got confused. And you did try to help him, so hopefully he takes your advice.

But you can’t focus. Even as you sink onto your couch and finish absentmindedly eating, your stare blank as you watch the screen. You can’t help but think of the gibberish he spoke. Before you can stop yourself, you’re reaching for your laptop, pulling it towards you and opening the search bar. Quickly, you type ‘selkies’.

There’s so much you find. Page after page of what looks like old, Scottish lore. Sketches and paintings, as well as written text. They are sea creatures, like seals or otters, that can transform into humans by shedding their skins or furs. You remember the man’s words.

‘You have my fur. You bought it.’

As you keep reading, you learn that taking a selkie’s fur means having ownership of them. It symbolises an intimate, lifetime bond. Like mates, or spouses. You recall him calling himself your husband, making an uneasy feeling settle in your stomach. Everything he said somehow makes sense. It’s fantastical, and outlandish to think it might be real, but in the context of it all, it really isn’t random words strung together. Maybe he was confusing you with someone else. Maybe they are doing some weird role play thing. You’ve seen stuff like that on the internet.

Your phone dings. You absentmindedly look at the text. It’s from the lady who lives across from you.

[minyoung apt 34]: hey. theres a man sitting outside your door. should i call someone? are u home?

You stare at the text, confusion and a small bit of realisation dawning on you. You throw your phone on the couch and stand up, quickly beelining to the door and unlocking it, pulling it open.

He is sitting beside the door, back against the wall just to your right. He looks up when you appear, blinking at you. You gape at him.

“You’re still here.” It’s more of a statement than a question.

He nods. “I can’t leave.”

The cheery, bright tone seems to have drained out of him. He sounds….. sad, almost. Unsure. Like he doesn’t know what to do with himself. His silly skirt is bunched up to his thighs, and the jeans are maybe two sizes too big for him. You hesitate, and then you make a very stupid decision. You brace yourself.

“Get up. Come on.”

He seems surprised, and honestly, so are you. You pull the door open more and step aside, watching him quickly scramble up. His face seems to have lightened, but he still looks apprehensive. Slowly, he walks in. You sigh deeply and shut the door behind him.

He’s looking around like he has never seen a house before. Or a living room. Four walls, pictures, a couch. His eyes are wide and beady as he stares at the television. You watch him carefully. In complete honesty, you don’t know why you invited him in. But there’s something in his voice that doesn’t ring any warning bells in your head. You’re sure your parents would have a heart attack if they heard of this, cursing at themselves and you for not instilling ‘stranger danger’ as well as they should have. But he doesn’t give you that vibe at all. When he turns to look at you again, there’s something earnest about it. Sincere.

You shift uncomfortably. “Chan, was it?”

He nods.

“And you’re… a selkie?”

His nod is even more vigorous this time.

“Okay.” You don’t know what to do with your hands. He keeps staring. “And you came here because…”

You prompt him to continue, and he does. “I’m your husband.”

You feel a flicker of irritation. “Yeah, you said that already. But I don’t know what that means.”

He frowns a little, lower lip jutting out. It’s almost cute. You shake the thought away.

“You bought my fur.”

You huff. “Yeah, I don’t know what exactly that is, but I don’t have anything of yours, buddy.”

He tilts his head, as if thinking hard. You start to regret inviting him in.

“I-it’s brown.” He says. “Dark brown. And very soft. A little heavy. And it smells like the sea.”

Your face smoothens in realisation. Wait, does he mean….?

The coat. Your newly bought fur coat. You haven’t worn it yet, since it’s a little too warm for the current weather. You’ve been waiting for a particularly cloudy and chilly day to put it on. Realisation dawns on you.

You leave Chan in your living room, taking less than a few seconds to find the thing and carry it back out. The way Chan’s face lights up at the sight of it has your heart racing. Again, you are hit with the reality of how sincere and pure he feels. No one can be this good an actor.

“You can have it.” You hold it out. “This is what you’re here for, right?”

While he looks happy to see the coat, he shakes his head, turning his bright eyes back to you. “I’m here for you.”

You feel your face heat a little, remembering the spouse and mate stuff you just looked up. You fidget where you stand, considering him.

God, your run of insanely crappy weeks just won’t end. And you really feel like you can’t deal with this right now. So you just huff and nod, feeling drained.

“Fine. But you will sleep on the couch until I know what to do with you.”

His resulting smile is so blinding, you wonder if there truly is something mythical about him.

…………………………………….

You don’t tell Seungkwan about Chan. Frankly, you’re still not sure what you will do about this whole situation, since you know that even if Chan leaves, he will just go back to sitting outside your door. He tells you as much himself. You also don’t know how supportive Seungkwan will be when he finds out that you have an unknown man living on your couch, claiming to be a supernatural creature of the sea. You honestly don’t have the energy for that lecture, or to convince Seungkwan that something deep in your chest is telling you that Chan is harmless. Maybe it’s the way he looks at you, a strange reverence in his eyes, like he has never seen something more fascinating in his life. Or maybe it’s the fact that he genuinely doesn’t know anything.

You find some of Seungkwan’s and your brother’s clothes in your stuff, telling him to change into a sweatshirt and pants and to take off whatever ridiculous clothing he is wearing. He looks much better that way, more normal, but he claims to feel weird.

“Are you sure this is enough clothes?” He looks uncertain. You can’t help but feel amused.

“Yes, because you’re indoors. You can put something else on top when you go outside.”

He nods, albeit a little hesitant. But he seems to trust your judgment.

When you offer him a meal, he accepts it carefully, eyeing the bowl of noodle soup like he has never seen it before. He picks at it, and makes a face when he eats it. He tries to quickly hide it, but he can’t fake anything to save his life, so you spot it immediately, and when you ask him what he usually eats, he lists varieties of fish and shellfish you have never heard of before. You do end up buying some for him, and conveniently, you don’t even have to cook it. He eats it raw.

“You would love sushi.” You quip as you watch him eat. When he gives you a confused look, you just shake your head and wave it off, mentally making a note to take him to a sushi place sometime.

Chan tells you he has never left the water before. His pack never trusted him enough to do it, and apparently they had been right. He lost his fur very quickly, without even realising, and he has been trying to track it for weeks, claiming he can’t go back without it.

“So now that you’ve found it, you can go back.” You say, but he shakes his head.

“I can’t leave you. You’re my wife.”

Right. He keeps saying that, always in the softest tone, looking at you like you hung the moon and stars. It lights your face on fire, makes you fidget where you sit, but he is never fazed by it, like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

It’s not like you’ve never had anyone’s romantic attention before. You have had boyfriends. Granted, most of them ended terribly. You’re still not sure if you’re completely over your ex cheating on you. But Chan is different. Hell, he’s not even human, so it’s not like you can compare him to anything from your past. Dating has always been difficult for you, and you kind of gave up on it when you moved and got hit by the shitstorm that is now your life. It was put so effectively on the back burner that you had forgotten what this felt like. Having someone like you like this.

With Chan, it’s hard to figure out how to act. You don’t know what to do with all his…… positivity. Chan feels like something untouched, untainted. He reminds you of how you were when you just moved to this town. Hopeful and ready to start your adult life. And then the universe decided to start beating the crap out of you, until you felt like you were just surviving, going through the motions.

Chan isn’t like that. Chan is….. luminous. He randomly compliments you, talking about how nice and colorful your apartment is (you don’t think it’s anything special). Or saying he likes something you’re wearing, or that your hair is pretty and shiny. Simple compliments, nothing too poetic, but he says them all with so much earnestness. He especially gets giddy when you wear his coat, saying you look best in it, patting you down before you go to work. It always leaves you hot and fidgety. You really don’t know how to handle him, or his easy affection.

Your life changes as the weeks go by.

Work is just as hectic as always. You get the mountain load of two or three people, enough to have you ready to pull your hair out. You slave away all day, dragging your feet as you finally get home, but this time, it is not to an empty house. Because Chan is there. Chan and his bright smile and his endlessly curious but simple questions. Chan with his many, many stories about life under the sea. He always notices that you’re tired, and he offers to cook for you. He doesn’t know what he’s doing, but he is good at following instructions. So if whatever he is cooking comes from a packet with directions on the back, he ends up making something very hearty and nice. Usually, you are so tired that you don’t mind anything he makes. You will eat it as long as you aren’t the one who has to cook it after working all day.

You complain to him that your legs get cramped up from sitting on your desk chair for so many hours. He pulls your legs towards him before you can protest, plonking them down on his lap and kneading the calf muscles. All your rejections die in your throat as soon as you feel the glorious pressure of his hands. You moan appreciatively, not noticing how Chan positively perks up at the sound, doubling down on his efforts to lessen your fatigue.

That becomes a daily occurrence.

A few weeks of Chan living with you has made you much more comfortable with him. You watch the screen with tired, bleary eyes as he runs his fingers over the soles of your feet from where he has them in his lap. It feels wonderful, as always. While you watch the TV, he watches you. He does that often, just openly staring. It used to make you uncomfortable, and you got very close to scolding him a few times. But the look on his face always makes you stop. A look of awe that you’ve never felt directed at you before. There’s nothing creepy about it, only pure, unfiltered marvel. So you just let him do what he wants.

A voice deep inside you says you don’t actually mind, you might even enjoy it, but you try not to think about that voice.

You let out a weary sigh and shift a bit, rolling your shoulders to adjust the ache in them. Chan notices, because he always notices, and he pauses his movements on your feet.

“I can rub your shoulders.” He offers.

You blink, considering it. You already know how good it will feel, but you don’t know if you want to cross that boundary. This is different, having your feet in his lap. But you don’t know how you feel about Chan’s hands all over your back and shoulders. It would feel too much like testing dangerous waters.

The truth is, you like him. He has become a breath of fresh air in your bitter and depressing days. Every day, you come home while looking forward to his company. He is so different, light, cheerful, effervescent. He talks and talks and talks, about any and everything. And it doesn’t annoy you. Never. He injects something warm in your cold, silent evenings.

You don’t have to worry with him. There’s no agenda here. He doesn’t want anything from you except your company. He takes care of you like no one has for a really long time.

Sometimes, he feels like a dream. And you perpetually carry the fear that one day, he will go away.

He’s still watching you, anticipating your reply. His hands slowly work on the arch of your foot. His eyes, that deep warm brown, pores into yours. For the first time in a long time, you can’t bring yourself to care about consequences. You just nod.

“Okay.”

He ends up seating himself beside you, coaxing you to turn your back to him on the couch. You can feel him touch your sweater before speaking again.

“Would it be better without this?”

You flush but nod, reaching down to tug the sweater off, so you’re left with a long sleeved shirt instead. You feel his touch right in between your shoulder blades. Slowly, he starts pressing into the skin over your shirt.

Chan is way too good with his hands for a creature that didn’t even have hands until a few weeks ago. He digs his thumbs into the lines of your shoulder blades, making your eyes roll as he breaks knot after knot of tension in your muscles. He purses his lips and frowns as he gets a feel of it. You hear a soft huff of breath.

“Your muscles are so tense.” He murmurs. “This only happens to me when I swim for a very, very long time. Hours and hours. With no breaks.”

You crack a little smile at the comparison.

“It feels like that sometimes.” You mumble, staring at the opposite wall while lost in thought. “Like I’m just swimming and swimming. No breaks. No end in sight.”

His touch slows, but doesn’t lose its strength. His fingers coil around your shoulders, kneading. Your eyelids flutter.

“Human lives are difficult.” His voice is barely above a whisper, but you hear him in the silence of the muted television screen. “I feel like none of you are happy.”

You purse your lips. “What makes you say that?”

Another exhale, this time almost like a defeat. “You never smile. You never laugh.”

You blink, processing. You don’t know why that is unexpected, but it catches you off guard. Your mind whirs. You think on it.

When was the last time you were truly happy?

When you try to look back on the last few months, you can’t pinpoint anything. Then, a memory floats to the surface, from just a couple of weeks ago. Chan had tried to bake something, and while he succeeded, he left the kitchen in such a mess that he was almost reduced to tears by the end. He had pouted and whined about it, saying it is ’way too difficult’ to make a cheesecake. You couldn’t help but muffle your laughter at his flour caked face.

It still makes you smile.

“You make me happy.” You say.

His hands pause. Not a falter, a complete halt. You wonder if you’ve crossed a line.

“I do?” There’s something shaky in his voice, like he can’t believe it. You just nod.

With the hold Chan has on your shoulders, he maneuvers you to turn around. You do, finally able to see him face to face. Your breath hitches at the hope in his eyes, the unadulterated happiness.

“I make you happy?” He asks again, like he just can’t bring himself to accept it.

You can’t help the lift of your lips. You nod again. “You do.”

You don’t expect him to kiss you, but you don’t stop him either. His lips are endlessly soft, and so, so eager. When you don’t push him away, he tilts his head, deepening the kiss. You are hit with the very faint scent of sea salt, and it feels like you’re on the coast. Your heart squeezes. Your hands reach up, cupping his face, and you push harder into him.

Chan whines, whines, lapping at your lips like he needs them to breathe. His tongue licks into your mouth. His enthusiasm is almost too much for you. It should be a surprise, but it’s not, because it’s Chan, and he has always been like this. He hangs on to your every word like it’s law. He looks at you like you’re the mythical creature, not him. You feel his hands now, on your knees before they slide up, gripping your hips tightly. He inhales your every sigh, and something warm and electric coils in the pit of your stomach. Your hand winds in his hair. It’s soft, just the same texture as your (his) coat, and you can’t help but grip it tight. He moans openly into your mouth. It’s too much. You break away for air with a loud gasp.

It doesn’t seem to deter him, because he smooches over your cheek, your jaw, further down your neck. Your eyelids flutter, tilting your head back, your hand still in his hair. You encourage his movements. His tongue licks over your skin. He moans again.

“I want to taste every part of you.” His voice is breathless, desperate. You feel yourself clench. He pulls away so he can look at you, his eyes pleading, brighter than you’ve ever seen them. This close, you can see that his pupils are completely blown.

“Please? Can I?” His tone is shaky.

God, he needs to stop doing that. It’s making wetness pool at an alarming rate between your legs. You so desperately want him down here, it makes your hips buck up involuntarily. You don’t even think about it, all inhibitions thrown out the window. You nod.

He doesn’t let you undress yourself, gently brushing your hands away because he claims he wants to do it himself. He lays you down on the couch, hovers over you on his knees as he peels your clothes off, until you’re left completely naked under him. He watches you with so much hunger in your eyes that your face flames, and it takes everything in your power not to shrink into yourself. Truthfully, you love it, love seeing the sincere lust in his face, the way he runs his tongue over his bottom lip, eyes lingering over every inch of you, like he wants all of you.

Something about being so deeply desired has your head spinning.

He is true to his word. His lips trail over every inch of you. He runs them over your shoulders, your arms, even holding your hands gently to kiss the pulse point on your wrist. Every few inches, he lays a soft kiss, before going back to running his lips and tongue over the skin. He licks down the valley of your breasts, burying his face in them for a few seconds. He spends extra time on your nipples, sucking and flicking his tongue over them until they are stiff and peaked. By the time he is anywhere close to your core, you’re already gasping and trembling under him in anticipation.

Finally, finally, he spreads your legs. He stares for a long time, thumbing at your outer lips, opening your slit to the cold air, peering at your little nub, swollen and ready, neglected.

“Pretty.” He whispers. “You’re pretty all over. Every inch of you.”

You feel a pressure build behind your eyes. Fuck. You can’t be this lame. You can’t be the one crying during sex. But Chan isn’t touching you, he is worshipping you. In his hold, under his hands, you feel like something precious, something worthy of this kind of reverence. It’s an unprecedented feeling. You don’t think anyone has ever wanted you this much. Not before him.

He leans closer, and you feel his breath on your pussy as he speaks.

“This is it, right? This is where I can pleasure you the most?”

You suddenly remember that Chan isn’t really familiar with human anatomy. So far, you haven’t felt his lack of experience at all, mostly because you think his enthusiasm is so intense that it masks the inexperience completely. You nod at him, swallowing tightly.

“Yeah.”

He licks his lips. “Can I taste it?”

The words are way sexier than you thought they would be. You throw your head back. “God, yes. Please.”

Something about the ‘please’ does it for him, because he licks a long, thick stripe all the way from your clenched hole to your clit, dragging slowly over it. He hums when his tongue withdraws, just for a second, just to taste, and then he’s digging in again, flattening his tongue over and over on your slit, like he approves of the taste, like he wants more.

He’s sloppy, not bothered by the filthy wet noises your sopping cunt makes, lips and tongue running over every nook and cranny. But there’s one spot where you need him the most, and you can’t help it. You wind a hand through his hair, tugging his head up until his tongue runs just over your clit. Your hips jerk.

“There,” you gasp, “right there.”

He’s a quick learner, just like he learned to cook after just a few tries, and how to work the television and your Netflix account, and how he figured out which clothes go together. His tongue flicks eagerly over your clit, like he’s hanging on to every cry and moan that falls from your lips. He must register how the noises amp up when he pays attention to your clit, because he pushes your legs further apart, buries his face deeper into your cunt, wraps his lips around it and sucks hard. Your back arches right off the couch, gripping his hair tightly. He groans into your pussy.

It’s a cycle. His lips and tongue make you feel good, you tug at his hair in encouragement, he hums into you, and the vibrations feel even better, sending chills up your whole body. Your high builds a little too quick, and you wish this could just go on for hours and hours. You have no doubt in your head that if you asked him, he would do exactly that. And very happily too. But your need for release is more pressing than that, so you hold him close, you babble about how you’re almost there, and when your orgasm hits, you go cross eyed with it, wave after wave of pleasure cresting inside you as you shake and cry through it. Chan doesn’t slow for a single second, letting you writhe and twist under him, chasing your hips wherever they go. It’s only when you tug his hair hard enough to pull his head away that he finally stops, looking up at you with dazed, teary eyes. His whole face is sweaty, wet, and blotched pink over his pale cheeks.

He’s a vision.

You pull hard at his sweatshirt until he’s scrambling up your body, and you kiss him hard. He moans appreciatively, immediately licking into your mouth like he needs it to breathe. Your own taste invades your tongue.

“Let me do that again.” He whines. “Please. Wanna make you feel good. Let me lick you again.”

You moan and feel yourself clench hard, head spinning with how badly he’s turning you on. But you feel so empty, and you need him in other ways too, or you feel like you might combust.

“Later.” You promise him. “Need your cock right now.”

“My what?” He pulls back, still looking unfocused as he frowns down at you. You blink a little, clearing the fog in your head a little. Oh.

Your hand travels down until you palm the bulge in his pants. He jerks violently and gasps.

“This,” you whisper, biting your lip. Chan’s eyes shoot down to where it is trapped between your teeth. “Need this inside me.”

“Inside….?”

It’s better to do than to explain, so you push yourself up, arranging him under you until you're straddling his lap where he sits, undoing the drawstring of his sweatpants and pushing them down enough to free his cock. Your mouth waters at the sight. He’s girthy, way more than you’ve ever taken before, and he curves just at the tip in a way that you know is going to make you see stars when he fucks you right. You run your hand over him, and he gasps again, hips bucking into your touch.

“Feel good?” You ask. Chan nods furiously.

“Wanna make you feel good.” His voice sounds wrecked. You can’t help your giddy smile at his laser focus on making this pleasurable for you.

“You will.” You adjust yourself until you’re hovering over him, running his tip through your slit. You feel him grip your thighs tightly.

The first slide in is glorious. He’s so thick that he stretches your poor pussy out enough to make your legs tremble violently. He runs his hands over them, watching your face scrunch up in pleasure and pain. If you had more control of your mental faculties, if you weren’t so busy taking his massive cock in, you would try to placate the worry on his face, but you have other things to concern yourself with right now.

The deeper he slides in, the farther up his eyes roll. His jaw goes slack, and you watch with a tinge of amusement as the feeling makes his own face go through a million emotions in the span of a few seconds. It makes you brave, more daring, and it makes you feel so sexy to have the power to make him feel all this for the first time. His grip on your thighs is near bruising, which you don’t think he realises, too lost in how warm and tight your cunt feels. Finally, you are fully seated on him, all the way up to the very base.

“Good?” You manage to gasp out. It seems he chokes on his own words, because he just pulls your body close and jerks his head down in a nod.

“What about you?” He looks up at you, blinking furiously. He looks like he might cry if you say that it doesn’t feel good, not that you would lie like that. You giggle breathlessly.

“It’s so good, Channie.” You coo, running a hand through his hair. “You fill me up perfectly, like you were made for me.”

He whines, so loud and thick with want that you think he might cum right there. He holds you tight against him.

“Yes.” He gasps. “Made for you. My wife. Wanna be with you forever.”

It’s incoherent babbling. Uninhibited because of the lust. You shouldn’t take him seriously. Except you know Chan. You know he doesn’t lie. You know he means this with every fiber in him. Your heart stutters, your exhale shaky. You hug his body tight to you, unable to respond. You want him impossibly closer. You tug at his sweatshirt.

“Off.”

He doesn’t waste a single second, revealing wide expanses of built muscle. You run your eyes over him, hungry for the sight, for the feel of him. Once more, emotion builds inside your chest, filling you up from the inside out.

Finally, when you feel like you’ve adjusted to his size, you rock your hips on him, testing. He gasps immediately, hands running everywhere he can reach you and feel you. You let him, basking under the attention now that your hesitation has melted away and the lust has left you wanting. You slowly build up a rhythm, bouncing on him with less and less care until you feel his cock properly fuck into you the way you wanted. Little gasps and moans leave your lips as well as his. Your body warms under the exertion, the deep penetration making your core clamp up slowly and steadily, pleasure building inside you. Skin against skin makes wet plopping noises, a dirty sound that only adds to what you’re already feeling. It seems Chan just can’t stand to have his mouth unoccupied, because he quickly finds your nipple and starts sucking, making you cry out at the feeling.

Exhaustion starts pulling at your limbs after a while, and you squeeze your eyes shut in frustration. You’re so close, you can feel it. You just need a little more, his cock really ramming into you, just a few well aimed thrusts and you know you would topple over.

“Chan.” You pull his head up with a tug on his hair, a habit you’ve created by now. “I’m- I’m tired-”

He doesn’t even wait to hear more, gripping your hips tightly and pistoning up hard into you. You gasp, arching into him.

“Like this?” His voice is raspy, rough. You nod vigorously, unable to form words as he keeps going, fucking up hard into you until you feel nothing but the intense stimulation on your sweet spot, his tip rubbing insistently over it again and again. His pelvis grazes your clit just right with every thrust. You don’t even have time to warn him, clamping tight around him as your orgasm racks through your core. Your whole body winds up with the release, toes curling and eyes rolling. Your lips release a mantra of ‘oh god, oh god, oh god’ as you weep through it, nearly blacking out with how intense it is.

Chan groans loudly then, and you feel something warm coat your insides. Beneath you, you can feel his body jerk and shake, and you hold him tight against you, wrapping your arms around his shoulders. He moans into your chest as he comes down from his high.

He leans up, kisses you slowly, softly, a welcome feeling after the harsh pounding you just took. You hum into his lips, savouring the feeling of it. Your head is fuzzy, like someone just cleaned it out, leaving nothing behind. Chan nudges his nose against yours, and you blink your eyes open. His smile is dopey, giddy, and you can’t help your giggle.

“I like you like this,” he whispers, “you look so relaxed.”

“All thanks to you.” You brush his hair away from his sweaty face, scratching his scalp a little. He visibly shivers. You can’t help but smile.

You kiss him again, still light and soft. You feel his cock twitch inside you.

“Can I lick you again now? Please?”

You are a little caught off guard, huffing in amusement. “I don’t think I have it in me, Channie.”

“I’ll be gentle.” He runs his hands carefully up your bare back, as if to make a point. “Please. Wanna make you feel good.”

Something stirs in your core again. God, this man will be the death of you. Well, not really a man. A selkie. Your selkie. And his blinding smile when you give in to his begging is enough to tell you that there’s no coming back from this.

Not that you would want to. Like Chan said, you want him to be here with you forever.

☾ author's note: sooooooo hi. i'm back 🙂‍↕️ i'm back and i'm once again warning you that the smut scene is long af. it kind of has to be like this when you have to write polyamorous relationships lol also i wrote this while ovulating sorry

also the smut scene doesn't come until the 10k word mark. i'm sorry. i needed to put in the plot before the long ass sex scene, so be prepared to read some STORY alright don't hate me✌🏻

THIS IS LOOSELY PROOFREAD. i tried editing this at work lol

☾ disclaimer: minors DO NOT INTERACT. this post is intended for 18+ readers ONLY. please have your age stated in your blog description and try not to look like a bot please 🙂

play pretend

Your fingers kept tapping on the screen of your phone impatiently. At this point, it was as though your body was no longer under your control, ruling itself only through pain and pleasure. You hated it. You loved it.

“Stop it,” Mona hissed, leaning over you so she wouldn’t drag the attention of the people sitting around you in the subway. “You’re getting on my nerves.”

“Sorry,” you replied, resorting to gnawing at your bottom lip. “You know I didn’t want to come.”

“Well, it’s too late to turn back now,” Mona said, but she flashed a devilish smirk at you. “Besides, the girls are beginning to think that you turned into a hermit and now live at the top of a mountain all by yourself.”

“Great. And I’m dying to change their opinions about me,” you rolled your eyes.

“What’s got you so against seeing them? They’re not bad,” Mona said, glancing at your phone sitting on your lap as the screen turned on with a series of flashing notifications.

Your stomach twisted, hands scrambling to get your phone before she could even read the screen.

Have fun, baby

Seriously. Have fun. Text me when you’re done so I can come get you

Love you

It was too late. Mona’s dark eyes went so wide that even the men sitting around you in the car began looking at you and Mona weirdly.

“What the fuck?” Mona whispered sharply. “Why is he texting you?”

You weren’t sure if she got to read through the three bubbles of text popping up at the beginning of your screen. But you knew that she had seen Mingyu’s name marked at the top of each message he sent you.

Mona tried snatching your phone from your hands, giggling mischievously when you succeeded at gripping it tight and away from her. “Look—I’ll explain,” you said, a giggle also escaping you when her fingers poked at your tummy. “Can you stop? They’re looking at us weirdly!” you whined quietly.

Your best friend sent a look around you, glaring at the pair of young boys who were staring at you with weird looks on their faces. Mona blew on her own face, somehow fixing her messy fringe. “Okay, okay,” she said begrudgingly and sat back in her seat.

Once you’d made sure that she wasn’t going to try to get your phone, you opened the chat that you had with Mingyu, your heart fluttering wildly when you got to read his texts. You knew that Mona was peaking over your shoulder, but you typed back, fingers tapping the screen swiftly.

Okay, I’ll try

I love you too

You went back, looking at the list of chats you had currently going on. And right below Mingyu’s chat, Wonwoo’s chat had sat on read for two hours now. His last text reading very dry and very concise:

Have you talked to him?

You were avoiding it. Both replying to Wonwoo’s text and what it meant. Wonwoo wanted you to talk with Mingyu about the crazy proposition he’d made you the last time you saw him.

You let out a shaky exhale and locked your phone once again.

“Okay. Talk,” Mona said as soon as you both stepped out of the car.

“Can it wait? I don’t think I can do this sober, I mean,” you asked, and then laughed at yourself. “It’s a very long story.”

“Well, we have like ten minutes of walking from here to Pam’s house,” she pointed out as you both walked up the stairs to exit the station. “It can’t be that long.”

You huffed and then looked down at your shoes as you tried to regain your breath after climbing all those stairs.

“So are you back with Mingyu?” she asked, and then her tone shifted: “What happened to the other guy? What’s his face? Wonwoo?”

You nodded quietly, pressing your lips together as you tried to look for the right words to say. But the truth was—you had no right words to say because what you were doing wasn’t exactly right.

“I am back with Mingyu. We sort of… slept together again like a week ago,” you said, sneaking a swift look at your best friend, who was now gaping at you in awe. You turned away, face burning with shame. “But I’m also not done with Wonwoo.”

Mona stopped walking, and you only realized two steps past her that she wasn’t following you anymore. You turned back, afraid to encounter judgment on her face, but she was just staring at you, mouth open wide in shock.

“What?” she gasped, and you could tell that she was simply in shock and wasn’t exactly judging you yet. “What do you mean not done? Like, do you guys still see each other, and you’re also sleeping with his best friend?”

You pursed your lips, as though trying to keep this a secret still. “I mean Wonwoo is not out of my life. And I’m dating Mingyu at the same time. Look, we haven’t decided anything yet, and I still need to talk with Mingyu about what I want, but… right now we’re not labeling anything.”

Mona tilted her head to one side, now looking at you with a slight hint of pity. “Oh, you sweet girl. You’re in a situationship with not only one hunk but with two? And they’re best friends?”

Your chest caved in. You had an idea of what your best friend would say about your current situation, but hearing it in real life felt so different. “Look, I know it’s confusing but—”

“Confusing?” she cut in, wiggling her eyebrows as she appeared to be considering it. “Mmm. No, I don’t think it’s confusing. I just said it! Two hunks!” she huffed loudly and then showed you another devilish smirk. “The only confusing thing is how the hell are you all three dealing with this?”

You sighed and then tried to continue walking without paying attention to whether your friend was tagging along. You just needed to keep going somewhere. Once you saw Mona through the corner of your eye, you continued, “I need to talk to Mingyu about it. I’m just not keen on things changing just yet. What if he says no and everything changes?” You shrugged.

“Mmn,” she pursed her lips, mimicking the previous expression you’d made. “Tell you what, we can just enjoy today, and you can make up your mind about it tomorrow. Let’s have fun.”

You pondered over it for half a minute. Mingyu’s text had said exactly that.

Have fun.

Take your mind off things.

“Hey, what is your deal with the girls?” Mona asked curiously, subtly changing the subject.

You shrugged, glad to be far from the Wonwoo-Mingyu topic now. “Nothing. I don’t know. I kind of went off the map when I broke up with Jay. I felt ashamed, you know? I kept going on and on about him and me, and then everything sort of went to ruin.”

“So it’s not them you’re not hesitant to see but rather what they’ll say to you,” she reflected.

“I just don’t want to have to explain things about my life,” you sneaked a meek look at her. “You know, my ex, Mingyu, and now Wonwoo… It’s a lot.”

“You’re right. It is a lot,” she conceded, appearing to be deep in thought. She returned the glance at you, giving you a confident smirk now. “Well, you could always count on me to keep unwanted comments at bay. You don’t have to explain anything if you don’t want to, and they’ll probably get the hint.”

Before you knew it, you were smiling back at her, all nervousness put on pause for a moment. “I guess you’re right.”

Music could be heard from down the hall as you approached Pam’s door, loud chattering, thumping and laughter could only be distinctive of your friends’, and they were already in the mood for partying.

You loved your friends. You loved Mona.

But you hated nights like this.

You couldn’t quite put your finger on what it was, but ever since you started dating your ex, Jay, your life took a turn and part of you feels like you were never the same. And when Jay left, and you had a life to rebuild, you could no longer connect with them except Mona.

It felt like you were suffocating in inexplicable shame.

However, life was giving you the chance to go back to who you were, even if there were some things in the way that made that quite literally impossible. You were no longer the person who was going to marry Jay. And now, you felt even more different.

“Are you ready for this?”

You turned to see Mona, who was still wearing her happy-go-lucky smirk. “Sorta.”

She huffed. “That’s good enough for me,” she said before giving herself the license to open the door herself.

It had been a while since you set foot in Pam’s apartment. The first thing that hit you was the memory of how much you admired her sense of style and decoration, and that for so long you wished you could build something for yourself that felt like this. The apartment was a mix of cozy and fun vibes; every piece in her living room was a different colour—the loveseat was cobalt blue, the armchair was forest green, and the rug was creamy white. The kitchen was made a mess—it looked crammed, but loved and lived in, reminding you of Pam’s love for baking vanilla cupcakes and cinnamon cookies. Fairy lights were draped along the top edge of the living room window, and several lamps were turned on, creating a dim yet inviting atmosphere in the living room.

“You’re here!” Pam squealed in true happiness, jumping from the floor and flying into your arms.

Pam was a lovely girl you met thanks to Mona. She was beautiful, slender, and her hair was dyed platinum blond, which made her dark eyes pop even more. And when she hugged you, the scent of apples and jasmine made your heart squeeze with a slew of old memories.

“Hey there, Pam,” you replied, wrapping your arms around her.

“We were just about to call you,” Pam said, stepping back to hug Mona as well. She was beaming, as though not believing that you were real, and you were there. Then she stepped back once more and pointed to the other end of the living room. “Niki is here!”

Niki made a stoked expression, waving her hand frantically at you and Mona. “We were just about to spike the fruit punch,” she said, picking herself up from the floor with a grunt. Niki was tall and visibly strong. You were glad to see that Niki hadn’t changed much—still wore her hair in a jet black bob with a perfectly trimmed fringe. She was the kind of girl who would wear high heels to the club no matter what and bark at the boys who would come to your table uninvited.

“What’s up, buttercup?” Niki said, approaching you with a relaxed smirk on her face. She had to bend down slightly to pull you into a long hug. “You’ve been a stranger.”

Your heart squeezed again, but this time you welcomed the feeling. “It’s good to see you, Niki,” you replied.

At the center of the coffee table was a big bowl of popcorn, which you later realized was cheddar cheese popcorn mixed with caramel popcorn. Empty bottles of alcohol were splayed on the floor, and in the corner of the coffee table, Niki was working on mixing a big bowl of fruit punch with a ladle.

“Ooh, what’s that concoction?” you joked as you sat on the floor next to Mona.

“I made fruit punch,” Pam replied. “And Niki is going to mix it with red wine.”

You nodded slowly. “Interesting,” you mumbled, elongating the last syllable meaningfully.

Niki noticed. “Chill. We made a rule,” she said, eyeing Mona.

And Mona chimed in. “What’s said tonight stays in Pam’s apartment,” she stated. “None of us will post anything online about tonight. We won’t drunk text any of our exes. No drunken voice notes, no screenshots, no nothing. If we take photos or videos, they’ll stay in our phone galleries till the end of time.”

“Amen,” Pam said and then let out another squeal, reaching for your hand to squeeze it gently. “I’m so glad you’re here,” she said one more time and then moved her hand to her phone to turn the music up.

And suddenly, it felt like old times.

Something in your entire body relaxed the moment you started chatting with your friends. It felt like the mask of the person you were now was coming off, and they could see you beneath it with expert ease. Catching up with them didn’t feel like you were swallowing down a beehive. It felt good—like an old remedy that you were needlessly trying to keep away from your heart.

After some drinking games and a lot of catching up to do, you were starting to feel hazy. Your lips felt heavy, and your cheeks were tingling, but for some reason, you couldn’t stop downing glass after glass of fruit punch. Despite its alarmingly deep red color, it tasted good.

You learned some new stuff about Pam and Niki. Pam had picked up crochet and was still knee deep in a situationship with the same guy and was going onto four years of push and pull with zero commitment on either side. Niki, on the other hand, was very happy, enjoying being single and had reconnected with her old basketball team.

You also learned that it was Niki who had shared the news of Jay’s commitment to Mona, and that Pam also knew about it. But they had your back. More than anything, they didn’t want to overstep on something they both knew was hurtful to you in some way, and knew that Mona would know how to handle it with you.

But now it was your turn to share the past few chapters of your life.

You twirled your glass in your hand, thinking of refilling it to muster the courage to say what you were about to. “Okay,” you sighed deeply. “I’m sort of figuring some stuff out,” you mumbled begrudgingly, heart thumping frantically in your eardrums. “I’m seeing two different guys. At the same time.”

Both Pam and Niki remained silent. But you realized that they were attentive, giving you the room to speak.

And before you lost your nerve, you kept going. “I crossed paths with a high school friend after I moved. Mingyu. He was coming out of a serious relationship where he got cheated on,” you said, realizing that despite the new turn of events, this side of the story still made your chest ache. “We dated for a while. I fell head over heels for him. But he broke up with me one night. And that broke me.”

You avoided looking at your friends now and settled for looking at a tiny bubble of fruit punch sitting at the bottom of your glass.

“I never planned what happened then, but Wonwoo was just there for me. We connected. He made me feel like I wasn’t alone,” you said, heart squeezing painfully at the thought of his last text message sitting unanswered. “The night that Jay announced his commitment, I lost it. And Wonwoo was there, one thing led to the other.”

You breathed in deeply, pushing away the dark thoughts telling you that your friends might judge you for this. But it only took one look at them to know that you could trust them.

“Wonwoo and Mingyu are best friends. They do everything together. And I didn’t sleep with Wonwoo out of revenge, no. I genuinely like him. I continued sleeping with him, even starting to feel something deeper,” your gaze swam to the ceiling, the fairy lights looked even brighter now. “Mingyu and I ended back up together recently, but I still… have feelings for Wonwoo.”

You could see confusion finally make it to the room, and you could feel it. Pam’s mouth dropped open just slightly, a question forming in her brain right as Niki’s frown seemed to deepen.

You sighed, the sound denoting your frustration. “I love them both, alright? And they both know. And Wonwoo, he actually suggested… that we could be all three of us together.”

Mona drank deeply from her cup to hide the smirk of excitement, seeing both Pam and Niki’s reactions.

Pam was the first one to blink. “So like a throuple?”

You nodded, cheeks burning hot. “Yeah. Wonwoo asked. I told him I would talk to Mingyu… but I haven’t the guts to do it,” you rubbed the pad of your thumb over the lipstick stain on your glass. You bent over and reached for the ladle, finally deciding to pour another glass for yourself.

“But will you do it?” Pam asked, her eyes wide in a mixture of worry and amazement.

“I don’t know,” you replied with drunken honesty. “I don’t know what to tell him, you know?”

Pam replied with a half-shrug. “Yeah, it’s not like I can tell you something from my expertise,” she huffed.

“Gotta say,” Niki started, chewing on a fistful of popcorn. “You have my respect, buttercup.”

Your cheeks burned even more, so you opted for drinking from your glass deeply.

“Do you feel safe with both of them?” Pam asked, her tone tiny and almost dreamy. “Who do you love more?”

The last question was like a jab to your gut. “Yes. I feel safe with both of them. Completely,” you replied at once. “I don’t think I love them both equally, but I also don’t think I love one of them more than the other. It’s weird.”

Mona leaned to your side, bumping her shoulder with yours. “They’re both fucking hot. I would choose them both as well.”

Niki gaped. “Really?” she huffed a dry laugh. “Seeing is believing.”

Pam placed a hand over Niki’s knee. “Wait—million dollar question. What do you want? Like, ideally, where do you see this going?”

You froze for a second. “I don’t know,” you replied sincerely. “I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. But I would also love to be able to have them both in the same room and talk about what we all want. But I need to talk to Mingyu first. And then with Wonwoo.”

“And then all of you three together,” Mona added.

“If my plan works,” you nodded, downing the last contents of your fruit punch and pouring another right after. “But even then, I don’t know how to be part of a throuple,” you said with a sad laugh. 

“Set your boundaries,” Niki said with a shrug. “Who sleeps where. Who gets what nights, maybe? Make a group chat, so no one feels bad because you decided to send a good morning text to someone first.”

You let out a short laugh, but considered the idea to be not too crazy. “I was so scared to tell you.”

Mona rested her head on your shoulder. “See? I told you that you were being dramatic.”

“No, you didn’t,” you replied, trying to get her off your shoulder.

Mona giggled. “Still, you were being dramatic either way.”

You rolled your eyes. “Shut up,” you replied with a blissful smile.

But deep inside, the thought of Wonwoo’s text message sat without a reply from you. Have you talked to Mingyu? It was a simple question with no simple answer or solution. Your heart stuttered again, the sharp pain robbing you of air. You weren’t talking to Wonwoo because you lacked a true answer for him.

And now, you were drunk and scared because all you could think about was both Mingyu and Wonwoo.

“I gotta pee,” you sighed, your breath hot and heavy with the taste of wine and fruit.

Once you were in the bathroom—which was a crammed space of walls painted in true red, black and white checkered tiles and pink accents. The heart-shaped mirror in front of you showed your flushed cheeks, the faded lipstick on your lips, the smudged black mascara below your lower lashes and the unmistakenly drunken gaze.

You pulled out your phone and opened up the chat sitting at the top of your list. You didn’t even think, just sent:

Hi. Can you come get me?

You blinked your tears away, trying to keep yourself in control before coming out of the bathroom. But it was hard to keep away from the fact that you were drunk and getting emotional over the fact that you hadn’t dared to come up with a reply for Wonwoo.

Was it because you were afraid to touch on the subject with Mingyu? Or was it because you were with Mingyu again while still loving Wonwoo?

The moment Mona saw you, she knew that there was something wrong. “You okay?” she mumbled.

“Yeah,” you replied. “Mingyu is taking me home,” you said and then added with a tone that landed weirdly: “He’s actually downstairs already.”

“Want me to come downstairs with you?” Mona asked, knowing already that you were not entirely okay.

“No,” you shook your head quickly. “Really. I’ll text you as soon as I get there, I promise.”

You said goodbye to your friends and disappeared through the door right after, coming downstairs with your heart pounding loudly inside your chest. Your phone vibrated in the back pocket of your jeans as you crossed the front door of the building, cold air hitting your cheeks as you hissed at the change.

On my way. Hang tight baby

You saw Mingyu’s reply, stared at it for a long second before exiting the text messaging app. And then, with trembling fingers, you pressed the call button.

Wonwoo’s phone rang only once.

“Hey,” he answered. And despite it being just one utterance, his tone was gentle.

“Hi, Wonwoo,” you mumbled.

“I was just thinking about you,” he said, but it was a confession wrapped in worry.

“Yeah…” you sighed, then took too long to add: “I have also been… thinking about you,” you admitted through the deep feeling of nervousness coiling around your throat. You thought about telling him that you were sorry for not replying to his text messages.

And Wonwoo must’ve noticed it right away—your change in tone, the hesitation to get the words out. “Baby? You okay?” he asked.

Your heart skipped a beat. “Yeah, I’m okay. I’m just drunk,” you replied, your tone betraying you immediately. The tears had built up already, making your voice sound quiet and constipated.

There was a pause. “Are you sure you’re okay? Do you need to talk?” he asked, his tone immediately switching to a lower one.

“No, no. There’s no need to worry, really,” you said through a hiccup. You lost focus, gaze falling to the pavement. “I… I just needed to hear your voice.”

Another pause, this time longer. “I miss you too,” he admitted. And even if you couldn’t see him, you could picture him perfectly—holding the phone to the side of his face, his gaze lost somewhere, tilting his head down so no one saw the emotions painted in his face.

You sobbed quietly, even though you weren’t really crying yet. “I’m sorry for being absent. I’ve been meaning to reply to your texts… but the truth is I haven’t talked with Mingyu,” you confessed, driving that pain into your heart even further.

“I know,” he replied. “And it’s okay, baby. It’s no easy thing. You take your time, and we’ll figure things out as they come along, alright?”

The sound of his voice was so soothing that you felt dumb for pushing him away. Wonwoo had been nothing but understanding with you—and that was probably the reason why you felt like hiding. You were ashamed.

Your lower lip quivered. “Alright,” you replied.

“Listen, I’m going to Tokyo for a mixology course… I was wondering if we could talk before I leave?” he asked.

Your chest caved at the thought of seeing him again. But you nodded, knowing he wouldn’t see it. “Yeah, of course,” you stammered. “When are you leaving?”

“I leave tomorrow and will spend a couple of days there,” he said, letting out a sigh. “I actually wanted to ask earlier, but I didn’t want to pressure you… Anyway, I assume that Mingyu’s coming to get you.”

It was then that you wondered if these past few nights, Wonwoo had known about Mingyu’s whereabouts. Your heart dropped at the thought of Wonwoo realizing that Mingyu’s absence in their shared apartment was because he was sleeping in your bed.

“Yeah, he is,” you mumbled. Then you thought about the question that Pam had asked you—about where you saw this thing going. “I’ll… text you when I get home?”

You heard a sigh, and you knew that Wonwoo was smiling. “I’d appreciate that, baby.”

Your heart squeezed at the sight of Wonwoo’s battered Hyundai rolling down the street and getting closer to the point where you were waiting. “I gotta go.”

“Okay. I uh… I’ll see you tomorrow,” a pause, a slow intake of breath and then with a softer tone: “Take care, yeah?”

You smiled instantly. “Yeah, you too Wonwoo,” you replied, warmth filling your chest, knowing what those words meant in reality.

But now, it was time to face another part of your reality.

Mingyu stepped out of the car, closing its door behind him and made his way towards you. And God, he was perfect. As he approached, you soaked your gaze in his perfection—he was dressed in a simple grey ribbed knit top, dark blue jeans and a backwards cap.

You weren’t sure what you felt then, because when you laid eyes on him as he walked towards you, the feelings that invaded you were definitely something you had never had before. Just one minute ago, you were practically saying to one man that you loved him, and the next, you were nearly going insane for a different man.

And even though it had been only a few hours since you saw him last, you realized that you’d missed his face. The gentle happiness he radiated everywhere he went.

“Hey, Baby,” Mingyu said, and on his face, he was wearing a charming smile. And before you could even process what to say, he brought you in for a bear hug. 

A smile formed on your face as soon as your face was buried on his chest. You felt his warmth and could smell the citrus scent of his perfume. “Hi, Gyu,” you replied, heart beating frantically. 

It was such a blessing to be able to have Mingyu’s arms around you again. To be his again. 

He pulled back when he heard your voice. “You okay?” he asked, using his big hands to cup your head.

You felt small under his gaze, resorting to hiding your face away, but it was futile—he was holding you firmly. “Yeah, I’m just drunk and emotional,” you slurred and then added, “It had been a while since I saw my friends.”

Mingyu smiled, as though finding you cute. “You can tell me all about it on the way home,” he said, moving to get the door of the car for you.

You let out a long exhale before getting in Wonwoo’s car. It wasn’t the first time you saw this car, but it was the first time you rode on the passenger seat. The car was clean on both the outside and inside, but despite that, it smelled old and dusty with a faint whiff of men’s deodorant.

But when Mingyu took the driver’s seat, the space shrank immediately. “So,” he started, “before you tell me anything else, I gotta ask—did you have fun?” he asked pointedly, trying hard to keep his expression serious but failing in the end with a tiny smile.

Your insides twisted in adoration. “Yeah, I did,” you replied, your tone honeyed almost instantly. You turned the passenger seat to face him as he started the engine.

“What did you drink?” he asked curiously.

“Um—fruit punch with red wine,” you said, huffing as Mingyu’s face fell at the last two words you uttered.

Mingyu nodded slowly. “I’ll keep my comments to myself,” he said, and then laughed. “Was it good at least?”

You chuckled. “Honestly, it was so much better than the things you serve at the bar,” you joked.

Mingyu’s mouth dropped in faux pain. “What do you know? You only have soda when you come to the bar.”

“Well, that might be a sign to treat me to a good drink,” you said, fully smiling now.

“I will, baby,” he said, and then he moved on to his next question. “So, were you able to catch up with your friends?”

You nodded. “I was nervous to see them at first, but they made me feel better.”

“Nervous? Why?” he asked.

“It had been a while since I last saw them, and… we had a lot to catch up with. I was nervous that with everything I have going on in my life, they would see me differently,” you replied, trying to skirt around the topic but remaining honest with him at the same time.

“Ah, I see,” he nodded slowly. And then you saw that happiness simmer and then evaporate in three seconds—all that remained was a very impassive expression on his face.

You could see the gears of his brain turning, almost. Your heart was beating frantically in your chest as you quietly watched him drive. Mingyu was an excellent driver, and you were just about to learn that as he merged into the highway, one hand on the wheel, the other resting on his lap.

Mingyu had started to chew on his bottom lip, eyes glued to the seemingly endless road ahead. You wondered what was going on in his brain, and even considered for a split second to ask him to tell you.

But then, he transferred his hand to your lap, resting it palm up. Your heart almost leaped, but you willed it to calm down as you slipped your hand on his, linking your fingers with his.

“And how was it?” he asked. His tone had changed, he sounded more serious now, careful. He glanced at you briefly. “Did they… treat you differently?”

Your gaze shifted, landing on the subtle change of Mingyu’s grip on the wheel. “They were very supportive,” you mumbled shyly, looking out the window.

When the reply took more than thirty seconds to come back, you turned to him again. He lifted your hand in his and brought it to his lips, brushing your knuckles lovingly. “I’m glad, baby. I’m also glad you had fun.”

You watched him as he kissed the back of your hand, gaze set on the road in front of him. And feeling his lips on you sent a warm, fuzzy feeling down your stomach. You admired how he steered the wheel with one hand, looking relaxed while driving home.

Then, and quite aloofly, Mingyu nipped at the thin skin of your knuckles with his lips, making your blood sizzle in response. And perhaps you were too drunk to understand your feelings—because all you wanted was to climb on top of him. You ached to get to your apartment already and have him all by yourself.

A guilty thought flashed across your mind, saying—you need to talk to him. It was quick, but pressing and alarming. It shot a tight feeling straight to your stomach, pushing you to squeeze his hand instinctively.

“I’m hungry,” you blurted, mouth moving on its own.

Mingyu glanced your way, a small smile painting his beautiful lips. “What are you in the mood for?”

You giggled before you could say: “You,” you said and then, “But if the menu’s restricted tonight, I’ll settle for a burger.”

Mingyu’s smile grew with a sigh. He looked charming, dreamy. “Why not both?”

“I dunno,” you shrugged as he gently placed his hand and yours back on your lap. “You might be tired from work, and the gym… And from last night.”

“Last night?” he made a frown, pretending not to know what you were referring to. “What did I do last night?” Then he dropped his mouth open. “Ah, that’s right! You got the brilliantidea of showing me this obnoxiously long board game, and we didn’t go to bed until sunrise.”

You let out a dry cackle, shifting on the seat to reach his face with your hands and place a smacking kiss on his cheek. “Like you didn’t love that stupid board game,” you said, voice dropping to a purr.

The car slowed down, and you realized that you had come to a red light. Mingyu cupped the back of your head with his hands, dragging your face back to his and planted a kiss on your lips. “I loved hearing you ramble about it,” he mumbled, his gaze shifting to your eyes and then back to your lips. He leaned slowly to give you another feathery kiss on your bottom lip. “So?”

You sat back on the passenger seat, glancing at the console. “I don’t know,” you said with a sad pout.

“Well, you have about ten seconds to decide because once we pass this turn, we’ll only have the Thai food place and the convenience store as our options,” he joked, and then added with a light giggle: “That’s not true, shorty. We could always turn back. We could go for a drive-thru run, if you’d like.”

“Oh! That sounds perfect,” you agreed. “I’d kill for a cone.”

Mingyu narrowed his eyes slightly, sending you a quick look. “A cone?” he raised his eyebrows. “Like an ice cream cone?”

“Without the ice cream,” you nodded.

Mingyu huffed. “Alright. Let’s get you your cone,” he said, swiftly taking the turn, still gripping the wheel with one hand.

The car pulled right beside the drive-thru menu. Mingyu rolled down the window, letting in the cool breeze of the night into the car right as you unbuckled the seatbelt and crawled over him to reach the window.

“Really?” he clicked his tongue, laughing silently.

You ignored him. “Hi. I’d like to order two double cheeseburgers, a strawberry shake—”

“Two shakes,” Mingyu interrupted, taking the advantage that you were all over him to place his hand on your lower back, letting it roam down to your butt as you made your order.

You giggled in sheer ecstasy, the sound merry and slurry. “Two strawberry shakes, two orders of large fries—”

“Ten-piece nuggets,” Mingyu mumbled again.

“Ten-piece nuggets,” you repeated. “And a plain cone, please.”

You sat back as he drove to the window and quickly reached for his phone to pay.

“I’ll get it!” you said, scrambling to get your card to pay first.

But Mingyu placed a hand on your shoulder, easily stopping you from moving an inch towards the window.

“Thanks,” you mumbled shyly once Mingyu paid for the food and received the comically large bag of food and handed you the milkshake and placed his own on the cupholder.

“I take pleasure in feeding you,” he said, eyeing the paper bag sitting on your lap. “Well? Dig in.”

“But, here? Inside the car?” you asked curiously.

Mingyu frowned a little. “Sure,” he said. “Why not?”

You shrugged. “I thought—never mind.”

You dug your hands in the bag, getting your burger first while Mingyu drove in search of a spot to park. After driving for a considerable time, he finally decided to go straight to your building instead.

You were three bites into your burger, so you just handed him his burger. “Might as well finish up here,” you said, getting a large bite from your burger. “Thank you for this. And for letting me eat in the car.”

Mingyu giggled, sighing as he stuffed his mouth full of cheeseburger. “Don’t worry about it,” he said as he munched for a couple of times and then gulped. “This car has seen it all, really. And it survived Wonwoo and me in our college days. So, a bit of salt and some wayward fries won’t do anything.”

The mention of Wonwoo’s name being thrown by Mingyu made your tummy clench painfully, and the fact that Mingyu had said it so casually scrambled your brains. You had such a hard time even thinking about Wonwoo that, for a split second you envied Mingyu for being so nonchalant about it.

You chewed quietly and then took a large sip from your strawberry shake. But you just couldn’t go back to who you were two seconds before. Your mind was racing, heart thumping loudly in your chest. Had your reaction been evident?

Mingyu finished his burger in three bites, or that’s what it seemed like to you. Or maybe it was that the sound of Wonwoo’s name had split your mind in two, and that’s why you were taking so long to finish your food.

You crumpled the burger wrapping into a ball and dug your hand into the bag to get the ice cream cone. You took a bite off the pointed tip first, sighing deeply and tiredly at finally getting your cravings satisfied.

“Good?” Mingyu mumbled, and you realized that his gaze was trained on your face.

“Like heaven,” you replied, taking three large gulps from your shake.

You finished your food some moments after Mingyu did. And coming upstairs to your apartment didn’t feel awkward, even if you were both casually talking, like the mention of Wonwoo’s name alone had created a ghost that you were now aware of and dragging along.

You hated the feeling. You tried to pretend like you had just merely lost half of your battery in less than ten minutes, and not like your heart wasn’t aching for a person who wasn’t there.

In the couple of weeks that had gone by since you and Mingyu got back together, your life had suffered dramatic changes. For example, Mingyu had been coming to your apartment nearly every day or every night, however, his schedule would let him. He’d spend the night at yours if the occasion would rise—but he made sure that every day, at least once, he would let you know that he was still in.

Sometimes, it felt to you that nothing had happened—like Mingyu wasn’t gone and he never broke your heart, like the night at the basketball court where you sat on the bleachers crying your heart out never existed. Mingyu came back into your life with the full intention of loving you, of mending the girl who was so eager, so wanting to love and be loved. And he would show that every day. So much that it felt like you were in a serious—committed—relationship.

Another example was that, and you weren’t sure as to how aware Mingyu was of this, he was starting to leave some of his stuff in your apartment. First, he started with a hoodie, then he left a cap, sunglasses, and a spare phone charger…

A toothbrush.

It hadn’t meant anything, not at first. One night, he stayed at yours, and you both went for a quick grocery store run, and he decided to buy a toothbrush.

And now, every single time you saw it, your tummy clenched for some reason.

This time was no different. You brushed your teeth, changed into your pjs and removed your makeup, now feeling fully sober. And when you came out of the bathroom, you knew that your play pretend hadn’t been very convincing at all.

Mingyu was standing before the round dining table, hands gripping the back of a chair as though he needed somewhere to hold onto. He was crestfallen, as though avoiding looking your way because he didn’t want you to see the emotions shown on his face.

“Hey,” you mumbled, approaching him cautiously.

Mingyu lifted his head, his gaze softening upon seeing you. “Hey, Baby,” he replied, his tone gentle. “Listen—”

“Wait,” you said, placing your hand on his shoulder as he stepped closer to face you completely. “I want to say something first.”

Mingyu’s mouth parted slightly, analyzing your face with his gaze before nodding at you.

You breathed in, wondering if there was someone on earth who would know how to navigate this subject with less anxiety than you. You wondered if there was a better way to open this conversation.

But you finally let out a breath, saying: “I called Wonwoo.”

Mingyu didn’t even flinch. “When?”

Your heart twisted, eyes watering instantly in fear of what Mingyu’s reaction would be. “Outside of Pam’s building. While I was waiting for you,” you said, your tone shaky and burdened with guilt.  

Mingyu’s expression became hard to read. You weren’t sure whether he kept looking at your face to search for any more signs of hurt or sadness, or if he’d become just a shell of a person, hiding his feelings from you.

“I just… I needed to hear his voice,” you confessed, lowering your face when you felt like you were about to crumble under his scrutinous gaze. “I didn’t mean to—I miss him, and it just happened.”

You could feel your heart pumping, banging against your chest as you waited for an answer.

“Okay,” Mingyu said calmly, and lifted his eyebrows ever so slightly, signaling you to carry on.

You breathed in, armoring yourself with enough courage to do it. “I need to tell you something else,” you said, your voice becoming thinner: “And I don’t know how you’re going to take it.”

Mingyu remained still, except for his eyes, which flitted across your face. “Okay.”

Your whole body trembled with something you couldn’t explain. You wanted to slow down and think. You wanted to get this done quickly. Your mind and heart were torn, fighting and clashing against each other.

“I want him too,” you said, and you wished you had enough strength to raise your voice any higher.

But something in the way you said it felt so real. It wasn’t an explosive confession. It felt soft, like letting your heart breathe for the first time in days.

You swallowed hard. “I want both of you,” you said, pulse picking up the pace right back when Mingyu wouldn’t respond, his expression remaining impassive. “I don’t know what I was thinking—I tried to sort it out quietly, but I just can’t. I feel guilty for calling him. So I’m telling you now.”

Mingyu held your gaze for one long moment. His eyes were dark, but there was a glint in them that caught your attention. It was as if he could see you struggling with your emotions, and his heart softened to the extent that his eyes began to show it. It felt as though he saw you suffocating from love and couldn’t help but try to save you from the pain once more.

But he didn’t look hurt. Not like you feared. He was just still.

“I know,” he said.

“You… know… what?” you asked dejectedly.

He nodded. “I saw your face when I said his name,” he mumbled, his tone quiet and raw. His gaze shifted, and then you saw it—the guilt he tried to hide.

“You didn’t say anything.”

Mingyu shrugged. “What could I say?” he asked, sullenly.

You paused. The guilt you’d seen on his face seduced you into thinking that maybe he wasn’t hurt like you thought he would. But instead, he would be pissed. You remembered the hurt you felt when you saw Gigi’s name displayed on Mingyu’s phone. But not only hurt—the jealousy.

Your tummy clenched. “Mingyu—”

“Thank you for telling me,” he said, his tone flat and his body stiff.

“I don’t want to hide anything from you,” you said, and at that, your tears finally spilled. You sobbed, but this time your chest did so tiredly. And then you wondered when the time would come that you would stop tearing up for this.

And there it was again—Mingyu’s gaze softened. “You don’t have to. You can tell me anything,” he mumbled, his tone sweetened.

Your eyebrows drew together. “You’re not angry?”

He shook his head. “I’m not angry,” he reassured, and then, with the lightest of frowns, he reconsidered: “I’m not thrilled either. I can’t say that it doesn’t sting.”

“I’m sorry. And I know it’s a lot,” you said with a sob. “I know that it’s c-complicated, and if you say that you’re not okay with it, then I’ll take it,” you mumbled, stuttering through your tears. “I just needed to tell you.”

He looked at you. His gaze was steady, if a little worried. “I don’t want to control what you feel,” he told you, his tone had gone sweet. “I can’t pretend I don’t see it, either.”

You sobbed loudly, as if your heart had shattered, and the sound that escaped your lips echoed that pain. Your tears were hot, streaming down your cheeks. You averted your gaze from his face, afraid you wouldn’t be able to continue the conversation any longer.

But Mingyu grabbed your face, his hands cupping your cheeks fully and urging you to look at him again. “If you care about him… If you need him in your life, I get it.”

You sniffled. “I do.”

He appeared to weaken at the sound of your voice. “I’m not ready to say yes to the idea of us three,” he said.

“Okay,” you said quietly, holding back a sob.

Mingyu exhaled through his nose, as though letting go of a tension he had been trying to push down for days. “But I’m not asking you to stop seeing him either,” he said.

Your eyebrows pinched again. “You’re not?” you asked. “Then—”

He blinked slowly at you, cutting you off before you started to lose yourself in questions. “I just want to ask you one thing—no more hiding. If you talk to him or see him, just tell me. If he texts you, don’t hide your phone, okay?”

Your stomach flipped. How many times did Wonwoo text you when Mingyu was around?

“Okay,” you whispered. “So what are you saying?”

“I still want to figure things out. With you,” he mumbled quietly, his hands shifting slightly, but he kept holding your face.

You nodded. “Okay,” you repeated.

“Just give me time, okay?” His mouth curved into a small smile, but something in his eyes dimmed. “I’m not saying no. I’m just…”

You nodded. “I understand. I know it’s a lot.”

He gave the tiniest nod.

Your heart was beating faster now, but not out of fear. “Okay,” you whispered, swallowed hard and then: “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me,” he replied, still treating you with tenderness. “This is a mess, I know. But I don’t want you thinking you need to lie to protect me. If what you feel for him is real, then there’s no need to hide it.”

You blinked at him quite dumbly.

“What I mean to say is,” he continued, noticing the look in your eyes. “I want to know everything, okay? Even if it hurts.”

You were briefly thrown back to the moment when Mingyu told you about Gigi. About how she was unfaithful to him with her boss—how she cheated for weeks and hid everything from Mingyu. And even afterwards, Mingyu continued to hide this infidelity of hers out of shame and didn’t tell anyone, not even Wonwoo. And that also eventually led to even more chaotic decisions.

You nodded, slowly this time. “Okay,” you mouthed. “I didn’t mean to keep it from you. I just didn’t know how to say it. I was afraid.”

Mingyu blinked slowly at you. “I know. But we’ve gone through this before. Haven’t we, baby? We have to talk about the difficult things if we both want this to be serious, right?”

Your heart squeezed. “Right,” you nodded again. “And I want that too.”

At that, he appeared to relax. “I know,” he told you softly. He looked at your bottom lip as he traced a soft line with the pad of his thumb.

You lowered your gaze to his hands still holding your face, reaching up and lacing your fingers around his wrists. “I’m seeing him tomorrow,” you told him, cautious with every word. “Before he leaves.

Mingyu nodded, taking a deep breath through his nose. “Okay.”

And then it was your turn to feel like you could breathe again. You leaned forward, Mingyu closing the space between you at the same time until your forehead touched his. Your eyelids fell closed, feeling the weight of your choices finally come crashing down on you.

But you were certain of one thing— “I love you,” you whispered.

Mingyu didn’t skip a beat. “I love you,” he replied.

The next morning, you woke up with Mingyu’s arm perched over your waist, his breath warm and steady against the back of your neck—almost like he’d fallen asleep with his nose buried in your hair.

You loved falling asleep, nuzzling in his warmth and waking up the same. And for a while, you felt like you could just spend forever there, listening to his gentle breathing, feeling him shift around you.

With just one glance around your studio apartment, you knew that it was time to rise. The sun was slipping through the small partings of the curtains, letting you infer that if you stayed longer in his embrace, you’d be late.

Your tummy clenched as you turned over slightly to see Mingyu still deep in his sleep. God, he was a dream. Even completely asleep, he didn’t fail to make your heart skip a beat. Like you, he’d fallen asleep naked, tangled in the bedsheets and wrapped in warmth and love.

This was the hardest part. His arm was heavy, and not only that, but he also appeared to put more weight into his embrace as you tried to break yourself free from it without waking him up. He mumbled something in his sleep, a half-utterance that didn’t really make sense.

You slipped free from the bedsheets and Mingyu’s arms successfully after some struggle. But once you got up, you winced at the cold you felt, skin prickling at the same time. You scrambled to get the first items of clothing you could find and sneaked inside the bathroom to get dressed.

You hurried through it, feeling like the quicker you got out of the apartment unnoticed, the better. You splashed cold water on your face, washed your mouth and got dressed.

Mingyu was stirring awake when you crossed your bedroom in search of your phone. He took a breath in, filling his lungs and getting himself to full lucidity. He moved the arm that was previously wrapped around your waist, throwing the bedcovers around him slightly and displaying half of his naked body.

You stopped in your tracks when you heard him.

“Hey,” he mumbled, his tone raspy and somehow tiny. His hair was slightly longer now, and that allowed it to become messy in the mornings. But he looked downright irresistible.

You melted instantly. “Hey, baby,” you replied.

His eyes quickly scanned you from head to toe, his mouth parting as his brow furrowed in curiosity.

“I won’t be long,” you said.

Mingyu blinked lazily. “Okay,” he replied groggily.

Your heart clenched, feeling like you were subjecting him to something unfair.

The feeling might’ve translated to the features of your face, because he put in quickly: “It’s okay, baby. Go,” he said.

At that, you didn’t push for more. Just lowered your gaze and quietly made your way to the door, stepping out of the building and into the morning air.

Wonwoo was already waiting outside your building. And this was the first time that you saw each other since you got back with Mingyu. Your pulse quickened as you found him. Wonwoo looked like a dream—dressed in his usual dark clothes, he wore black pants, a black sweater and a brown leather jacket.

An elegant duffel bag was slung over his shoulder, which he grabbed by its strap with one hand and lowered it to his side as you approached him. It was like he already knew that you were running to hug him, because he dropped the bag on the floor. Uncaring about it, and welcoming towards you.

He wrapped his arms around you before you could even reach him. Hugging him—feeling him close—was so shocking to you that you were rendered speechless. The smell of his cologne wrapped around your senses, and you breathed him in wholly.

“Hi, baby,” Wonwoo spoke softly into your ear.

You swallowed hard, swept over by all kinds of emotions. Just a moment ago, you were sleeping with Mingyu, and now…

“Hi, Wonwoo,” you replied, your tone shaky.

He stepped back, glancing down the street. “I only have a couple of minutes before the car gets here,” he said.

Your heart squeezed, but you nodded. “Okay,” you said, not hiding the disappointment you felt.

But he didn’t let that stop him. “I’m glad you agreed to see me,” he told you. “Even for a couple of minutes.”

You paused. You wanted to have more than just a couple of minutes with him. You needed to talk to him about the conversation you had with Mingyu last night.

Wonwoo read the features of your face intently. “Something happened?” he asked, lowering his tone.

“No—I mean, yes. But…” you said faintly.

“We talk when I get back?” he asked knowingly, raising his eyebrows slightly over the black frame of his glasses.

You nodded.

His gaze flitted to the window that belonged to your apartment. “Is he…”

“Yeah,” you replied shortly, blinking away the slight punch to the gut that you felt. “He knows I’m here. With you.”

He locked eyes with you again instantly. “Oh,” he breathed. “Then we do need to talk.”

An awkward moment followed. It was full of hesitation—while you had a lot to tell him, Wonwoo was trying to assess the situation, to narrow down why you were shaky, and visibly out of place, distraught.

Wonwoo’s lips parted softly, like he was afraid for a split second. He wanted to ask, you knew it. He wanted to know if you’ve had that conversation with Mingyu, he wanted to know the outcome of it.

He wanted to know if he was already out of the game.

But then—a car honked loudly, disrupting the morning peacefulness. Wonwoo looked back, his shoulders going slack in a quiet defeat.

Before you could even think, you stepped into his space, close and abruptly. You wrapped a hand around the back of his neck, pulling him with surprising ease. But that was because Wonwoo didn’t even hesitate, letting you draw him into a kiss.

And when your lips met his, you knew that you were indeed unfair. But there Wonwoo was, grabbing your face in his hands tenderly, pushing his lips against yours once, twice, giving you soft, loving pecks before kissing you fully. His lips locked with yours like it was easy as breathing—the kiss was warm, soft, full of all of the words he was aching to say but couldn’t.

You wanted to say those words too—but you knew it wasn’t the time to say them.

He pulled back, opening his eyes slowly, breath trembling just a little. And then, his eyes darted to your apartment window, his body tensing and jaw setting tightly. Like the entire world had paused for him.

You pulled back, blinking at him. “What?”

Wonwoo didn’t answer right away. He looked like he was just recovering from kissing you again for the first time in weeks and now…

He glanced once more to a point straight above your head, then looked back at your face. The subtle eye movement made your heart drop to your stomach.

“Wonwoo?” you prompted.

He gave you the faintest smile, his hands cupping your face held you slightly tighter. “Don’t turn around,” he instructed you, his voice low.

Your heart stopped beating. “What?” You mumbled, grabbing his wrists and pulling your face up from his hands, turning around.

Mingyu’s figure was already disappearing back into your apartment, leaving nothing but a fleeting shadow.

“Shit,” you whispered. Shutting your eyes tightly. “He saw, didn’t he?”

Wonwoo nodded. “I think so,” he replied, sighing tiredly. He stepped back, grabbed his duffel bag from the floor, and then he said. “Will you be okay?”

You nodded. “Yes, Wonwoo. I will.”

His gaze flitted on your face, reading you swiftly. “I’ll call you when I land.”

You sighed, trying to ground yourself. “Bye, Wonwoo,” you said. “Take care.” 

He pressed his lips into a smile that appeared to be gentle, but you knew that he was trying to show you he wasn’t worried. He gave you a nod. “Yes, ma’am.”

And then you watched him walk off. You stood on the sidewalk as he got into the cab, and it rode away. And after gathering your senses, you turned toward the door, body tight and mind clouded with doubts, thoughts of what you were coming back to.

You opened the door and slipped inside your apartment slowly. Everything was still, quiet. Your heart stuttered when you instantly thought that Mingyu might’ve left.

But then, your eyes fell on him.

Mingyu stood in the kitchen, his back turned, stirring something in a bowl. His shoulders were relaxed, and he was crestfallen. He was half-dressed now, not bothering to put on a t-shirt.

He looked over his shoulder when he heard the door shut. “Hey,” he said, as though nothing had happened. “Want breakfast? I’m making pancakes.”

You remained standing after the door. “Sure,” you replied, tone off.

He nodded, turning on the stove. There was no hesitation in his movements, he moved smoothly and just like any other morning.

You hesitated. “Want coffee?”

Mingyu nodded.

Anxiety gripped you wholly. You started to fill the coffee brewer with water, eyeing him as he dutifully whisked the pancake mix in a bowl.

You exhaled, the sound coming out of you shortly, but sharply. “You saw us,” you said finally.

Mingyu didn’t look up, opting to nod quietly.

You opened your mouth to utter an apology. Your heart demanded you to say something, anything to ease the pulsing nervousness tightening your chest.

But no words came out. The silence was filled with insecurity. But you continued sending him cautious glances, watching for his reaction, for the emotions showing on his face.

“I was just curious,” he finally said, his tone low and raw. He gnawed his bottom lip briefly. “I knew what I was going to see. I just wanted to know how it would feel.”

You gripped the edge of the kitchen counter tightly. “And?” you croaked, shaking with worry.

He lifted his head now, locking eyes with you. “I don’t know,” he replied quietly, and you could tell that he was being honest. “I don’t know how I felt. I know it stung, but at the same time I was… intrigued?”

You watched him for a second longer, feeling your brow furrowing.

Mingyu let out a breath, smirking. “Yeah, like I said. I don’t know how to feel,” he shrugged. Then he took a pause, like reforming his opinion. “It’s confusing. But I wanted to see it. I wanted to know if I could handle it.”

You waited for him to let you know his deliberation.

“I think I can,” he said and then offered you a solemn look, his eyebrows pinching slightly. “Like I said, I’m not sure.”

You let out a breath, letting go of the tension in your body as well.

After having breakfast, Mingyu had to leave for work at the bar, but only after letting you know that he would see you later. He kissed you goodbye and reminded you that he loved you, and then left without making it harder for you to let him go.

And things felt… different.

There was a time when you were terribly afraid to be alone. You would find yourself in the space that you had created for yourself and feeling like you didn’t belong. It felt like you were walking on a floor that was about to crack under your feet, as the walls whispered in your ear that you needed to go out and find your place elsewhere.

You had been so aching to love and be loved that when you were left alone, you didn’t recognize yourself.

Now… it was as though the space was letting you know that this change would take a while to get used to. You were now trying to understand how everyone fit in the picture… even yourself.

The first day Wonwoo was on his trip to Tokyo, you kept looking at your phone. He had checked in when he boarded the plane and when he landed. And he also asked a few questions about the situation with Mingyu and the kiss he saw from the window. You assured that everything was fine, and he didn’t pry for more information—leading you to think that he was reserving his questions for when he saw you next time.

The following day, Mingyu had the day off. And he was taking a liking to using his day off to spend it with you, or so you were beginning to understand. It was the third time in a row that he asked you on a date on his day off, and this day was no different. Except for the past two days off he had, he’d let you decide what you wanted to do—going to the movies, an arcade, restaurant.

Mingyu was sitting on the sofa in your studio apartment. You were sitting at the opposite end of him, perching your feet on his lap.

“Baby?”

“Mmn?” you looked up.

Mingyu giggled sweetly. “You haven’t decided what you want to do today.”

“Oh,” you smiled shyly. You had been distracted by your phone briefly. You gave yourself a shake. “You decide tonight,” you told him.

He pouted cutely, thinking of his choice as he resorted to grab your feet on your lap, squeezing them over your fuzzy socks. “We could just chill,” he offered, rubbing your feet with his warm hands. “Do you feel like going to the gym tonight?”

You arched an eyebrow. “Are you asking me on a date or to suffer?” you joked.

Mingyu smiled. “Why not both?” he said.

You replied by smiling at him, feeling your phone buzz in your hands again. The source of your initial distraction.

It was Wonwoo. He had texted only to check in with you. A— how’s your day? Kind of text. It was simple. It meant nothing more. But to you, and while Mingyu was on the couch with you, it was more than just a simple text.

So you replied, typing swiftly and with no second thought:

I’m going to the gym with Mingyu. I’ll text you later, okay?

Mingyu looked like he was in his second home. As soon as he set foot on its rubber mats, someone waved at him from afar.

“You’re popular even here,” you mumbled beside him as he returned the friendly wave.

“I’m not,” he giggled softly, clearly ashamed. “I don’t remember who that guy is,” he confessed.

You blew a raspberry in the air.

“Shuddup,” he whined quietly, tips of his ears turning bright red.

The locker rooms smelled of men’s deodorant and floor detergent. It was a Monday night, so it wasn’t as busy as other days. You looked around, realizing that your friend, Jungkook, was nowhere to be seen.

Mingyu opened the locker that seemed to belong to him, since you’ve only ever seen him use that one in particular. He threw his gym bag in, pulling out only his phone, no earphones, no water bottle.

You were fixing your hair in a way that it wouldn’t bother you as much while being there—but it still mattered to you to look good, so you turned around to face yourself in the full body mirror.

Through the corner of your eye, you saw Mingyu glancing your way, closing the locker and then taking two steps towards you. You diverted your gaze from your hair to him, watching as he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into a back hug.

“You ready?” he asked, pressing his lips against your head.

“Depends,” you smirked. “Should I be afraid?”

Mingyu smiled, making your heart jolt. “No,” he replied. “Although you should be prepared, because I’m annoying when I work out.”

“We’ve worked out together before,” you shrugged.

“And I was annoying even then,” he said.

“Only a little,” you joked.

He clicked his tongue and dropped his mouth open, pretending to be offended.

“But you make it up by being handsome,” you said, giggling at his expression.

“I’ll take it,” he said, planting another kiss on your hair and then stepped back. “Let’s warm up.”

You made a face.

“We can’t skip warm-up,” he told you, pretending to be stern. “I don’t want you to blame me when you pull a muscle. It’s leg day today.”

“I will blame you for the soreness tomorrow either way,” you quipped.

“Tsk,” he nodded to the treadmill. “Come on.”

The whole time while warming up, Mingyu was playful. He looked almost excited, joyful like a boy in a toy shop, and he wanted to show you how every single trinket worked. The only other time you could compare this moment with was shadowed by the new attitude he carried.

Then you both moved to the floor. And this was when all the playfulness you both kept while on the treadmills died completely, and was instead replaced by an entirely different mood.

You were supposed to be doing squats. Mingyu stepped behind you to correct your form, deciding to place his hands on your hips—at first, he was doing so in a professional manner, his fingers carefully dodging the bit of skin that spilled between the waistband of your yoga pants and your top.

But your eyes flew to the mirror, finding his face. Your pulse jumped, but you had to focus all your strength and might to pull yourself up, because if not, you would’ve fallen on the floor while carrying the barbell on your shoulders.

“There,” he murmured behind you, his tone low. “Keep your back straight.”

You managed to nod, biting your bottom lip. You tried—and failed—to keep focused.

But his fingers switched, ever so slightly. And now the pads of his fingers landed on the bit of skin as you lowered your body in another squat position, carrying the barbell on your shoulders. You tried not to think about how close he was. But his gaze also zeroed in on your face, and he swallowed hard when he helped you come back up, his hands squeezing the soft muscle of your waist.

“Give me one more,” he instructed.

Your gaze shot up to find him in the mirror. “I can’t. I’ve hit my limit,” you said, tone shaky, breathing hard.

“Yes, you can,” he nodded. “You’re stronger than you think.”

You let out a breath in a resigned way. “Okay,” you said, taking a couple of deep breaths to prepare yourself.

“Come on, babe. Down again,” Mingyu mumbled, continuing to spot you as you dipped down. “Chest up.”

You let out a grunt, feeling your thighs ready to give up with crushing fatigue.

Mingyu smiled, his hands descending from your waist to your hips as you lowered them, fingertips digging into your flared yoga pants, like readying himself to rip them off you. “Lower, go lower.”

You clenched your jaw.

“That’s it,” he said, looking at you through the mirror with a proud look on his face. “That’s my girl.”

When you stepped forward to rack the bar, you stumbled a little, and he caught your waist again with both hands. Your heart nearly leapt out of your chest when his fingers dipped on the plush of your belly.

“Careful there,” he said, stepping closer to you again.

You caught your reflection in the mirror. You were sweaty, cheeks flushed, and eyes wide open in alarm. Mingyu was touching you too comfortably to be in a public space. You sent your gaze around the gym.

Mingyu noticed. “Relax,” he said, smiling with confidence.

But your body refused to relax. He was standing too close for you to focus on anything else—all you could think of was how warm his body felt, how easily you could feel the definition of his muscles through his gym clothes. And not only that, but your knees were shaking, and you were still panting. “I hate you,” you said, deadpanning to him through the mirror.

Mingyu let out a breathy laugh. “Take it out on me then. Later,” he replied.

You had barely crossed the door when Mingyu grabbed you by the hips, flipping you around and putting you against the wall. A breath caught in your throat, but you were quick—wrapping a hand around his nape as he dipped his head to meet your lips with his own.

The kiss was swift and brief, his lips barely grazing yours. “I like how you look,” he said, his tone low, tired, and raspy.

“Sweaty?” you replied with a meek giggle.

“Yeah,” he smiled. “And wearing these,” he said, his hands clenching around the elastic fabric of your yoga pants. “You were driving me crazy.”

A familiar warmth spread deep in your tummy. “Don’t think you were the only one,” you said, arching an eyebrow at him as he planted another ghostly kiss on your lips. You ran your other hand down his chest, feeling his bulging pecs beneath his compression t-shirt.

“Mmn,” he hummed, looking at your lips before diving for a deeper, longer kiss.

His lips were warm, wet—locking with yours perfectly. You melted into him, the whole world blurred around you as he expertly dipped and grabbed you by your thighs, carrying you in his strong arms with your legs wrapped around his torso.

This dance was one you knew well. It was as though Mingyu and you could speak to each other without having to utter a single word. He eased you onto the mattress, pulling back to remove the compression shirt with just one movement of his arms, and then he moved his hands to hook them beneath the waistband of your yoga pants.

With a couple of rushed tugs, he stripped your pants, the look on his face changing to a pleased one once he saw your bare legs, your thick thighs. He quickly placed his hands on each of your sides, bending down to kiss you again. “You’re beautiful,” he told you in between pecks.

You smiled, eyelids fluttering close when he kissed under your jawline. “Mingyu,” you sighed.

“The prettiest girl,” he continued, kissing your neck, nipping your skin and then etching the first lovebite.

The feeling shot straight down to your core, swift like lightning but lingering on your skin. “Gyu!” you whined.

It was his turn to smile. And you felt it—his lips curving against your skin. “And the hottest,” he added, placing another mark with his lips against your chest.

He quickly got rid of the rest of your clothes—stripping your tank top, your thong and your sports bra, all while making you feel like you were the luckiest girl in the world. The compliments kept spilling out of his lips, like he would die if he didn’t tell you how he felt as your clothes came off.

And you couldn’t help but submit to him wholly.

You wanted to make him feel good. Oh, you craved to do anything to make him feel good.

You silently took control, motioning him to sit with his back relaxed against the headboard of his bed once he was utterly and completely naked. Mingyu followed your silent command, his gaze lost in you as you crawl up to him and straddle his lap, loving the dazed look on his face. You sat comfortably with enough space to wrap your legs around him, wasting no time and grabbing his hard cock in your hand.

And when you sank on him, pure euphoria gripped your body. Mingyu was big, and you were practically slipping him inside you with no prep beforehand.

A whiny, pathetic moan fell from your parted lips, eyes watering instantly at the bite. But you bounced on top of him, trying to bottom out on him fully.

Mingyu placed a hand on your hip, his eyebrows pinching softly. “Almost there, baby,” he whispered, pressing down on your lower back but not putting enough strength to force you down and make you sit on him fully just yet. 

You closed your eyes, enjoying the pain you always got whenever you took his cock. You loved it—the way your pussy struggled to swallow his cock in, the way your walls quivered and drooled around his length.

And Mingyu loved it too. “Fuck,” he sighed, dropping his forehead against the center of your chest. He breathed out. “God, you feel so fucking good.”

Your lips curved into a smile, almost like moving on their own. “Yeah?” you purred, running your fingers through his hair. “Do you like feeling how wet you get me?”

Now his head lolled back, as though he couldn’t help but leave the rest of his body at your mercy. “Yes,” he whispered, swallowing hard. “I love it.”

You continued bouncing on top of him, enjoying the way his gaze dipped down to your chest, to your tits. His hand palmed one of your tits, running the pad of his thumb on top of your pert nipple to then pinch it softly.

You moaned louder this time, welcoming the rush from the pleasure that flooded through you. The words remained lodged between your lips, but you also wanted to tell him just how fucking good he felt. You loved feeling his big cock stretching your walls open, you loved feeling how deep he could reach inside you, how well he filled you up.

Mingyu closed his eyes, his lips parting as he moaned—the sound weak and raw at the same time. “Keep doing that, baby,” he pleaded, sighing deeply. “Please, don’t stop.”

You grabbed his face in your hands, tilting his head back so you could kiss his mouth as you rolled your hips on him slowly. “Tell me when you’re close?” you mumbled.

He nodded quietly, closing his eyes as his hands clenched around your hips, like forcing himself not to take control. But he appeared to struggle with this, moaning more and more as your hips picked the pace up.

You rode him hard, fast, trying to get him as deep as you could. But it was becoming impossibly hard to keep the movement of your hips—fatigue was taking over your muscles, and not only that, but you felt like your orgasm was drawing near if you kept going like this.

But you commanded your body to keep going—your legs wrapped around him, chest pressed to him and your hands cupping his nape. And Mingyu was following the motion of your hips with his hands on your lower back, letting them roam down your ass, squeezing it softly, and moaning as he did so.

You loved the look on his face. He looked so lost in pleasure that he could barely breathe.

“Sweetheart,” he whined, his expression riddled with pleasure, it almost looked like he was in pain—his nose wrinkled, mouth parted, and eyebrows pinched together. “I’m close—fuck, baby. I’m so close.”

You acted quickly—pushing yourself up, his cock slipping out of you and landing on his lower abdomen with a soft and wet thump. Climbing off his lap, you got to your knees beside him and with no warning, no hesitation, you took his cock in your mouth.

Mingyu winced, sucking a hiss loudly. “Fuck,” he cussed again, his hands grabbing your head, fingers coiling around your hair. But he didn’t pull, he just watched as you started to bob your head up and down his thick cock.

You blinked and looked up, keeping your eyes on his face as you swirled the tip of your tongue around his cockhead. His mouth dropped open again, but he kept his eyes trained on your face, his eyebrow twitching when you gagged around his cock, sucking him obscenely loud.

“God,” he gasped, blinking slowly. “I’m cumming,” he said, and then he started to moan. The sounds that kept coming out of his mouth were soft, sweet and whiny. Spurts of cum landed in the back of your throat, filling your mouth and almost making you choke. But you swallowed him down to the last drop, still looking at him as he melted completely into a puddle of pleasure.

He was breathing raggedly, his hands cupping your face now as you finished with a kiss on the tip of his cock. Mingyu smiled, running the pad of his thumb on the corner of your mouth, wiping your drool away.

And then, he motioned to the pillows with a tiny jerk of his head. “Lay down for me,” he asked, his tone having grown raspy and low.

You smiled and crawled to prop a quick kiss on his lips. “As you say,” you replied sweetly, plopping onto the mattress.  

Mingyu wasted no time, rolling onto his belly and burying his face between your thighs. He first placed an open kiss on one of your inner thighs, very close to your pussy. You felt the hot and wet muscle of his tongue, breath hitching loudly.

You heard him smile. “Be still,” he mumbled, bending down again and sucking a spot on your skin, leaving another hickey.

“Gyu,” you moaned, closing your eyes as he licked your folds, dipping the tip of his tongue in your puckering entrance.

Mingyu nudged at your engorged clit with the tip of his nose right before kissing it, pressing his tongue against it and then continuing to make out with your cunt as though he were kissing your mouth. He kept doing this, eating your pussy as you tensed and arched your back, gripping the bedsheets tightly.

“Mingyu,” you moaned, your tone sweet and fading as your orgasm consumed you in fiery, electric waves. “Fuck, Mingyu!” you cried out, louder this time, pleasure climbing higher and higher, crawling swiftly underneath your skin, making it prickle.

When pleasure subsided gently, you sifted your fingers through his hair, quietly indicating to him to stop. You were panting quite pathetically, shaking with the aftershocks of your orgasm.

Mingyu crawled back, and you were quick to grab his face and pull him into a hot kiss. “I love you,” you said, unable to resist the feeling gripping your heart.

He tried to reply, but ended up mumbling something against your lips—your hands still held his face, keeping it pressed against yours. Mingyu giggled, the sound joyful and sweet. “I love you,” he replied, kissing your face, your body, your hands.

After a few minutes, you and he remained lying on the bed, staring at each other and kissing every inch of each other’s bodies. And then, Mingyu climbed off your bed and started the shower for you.

As you came down to your senses, a buzzing noise distracted you. Your phone was lost beneath the small mountain of clothes on the floor, and when you reached to get it, your heart dropped.

You had told Wonwoo you would text him later. But that ‘later’ had stretched into three hours.

Hey. I’m coming back tomorrow. I’ll tell you when I land. Wanna talk?

Mingyu came back to his bedroom, and your heart stopped this time. He didn’t seem to notice the alarm flitting across the features of your face—probably because it was too badly lit in the bedroom, the only source of light coming from the bathroom.

You locked your phone and discarded it somewhere in your bed, deciding to give him a reply later.

Only that you didn’t know when later would come this time.

The next morning, Mingyu decided to wake you up by pressing loving, tender kisses on your face.

“Mn,” you hummed, blinking slowly. “Baby,” you mumbled, giggling sweetly when he kissed your cheek, then your ear.

“I’m heading to the gym,” he informed you. “Forgot I told JK we would work out today,” he said. “Wanna come?”

You shook your head. “I can’t feel my legs,” you muttered groggily.

You heard a laugh right as you closed your eyes. “I’ll be back in a couple of hours, then. Rest up, sweetheart,” he said.

And then you dozed off, hearing the rustle of his clothes and the sound of his footsteps. You fell asleep, letting the tiredness sweep your consciousness away.

But then, he came back, and you thought that he’d come back to give you another kiss, maybe. “Gyu? Did you forget something?” you asked groggily, blinking slowly to find a figure standing in the doorway to Mingyu’s bedroom. You lifted your head from the pillow, vision clearing up at the same time that panic pierced you deep in your tummy. Your breath hitched quite dramatically, pushing you to stutter— “Wonwoo?” 

Wonwoo was leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed over his broad chest, head tilted slightly to one side. You weren’t sure how long he had been standing there, but it had given him ample time to get comfortable by crossing an ankle over the other. 

He pushed himself from the doorway, walking towards the bed with a gentle stride. You watched him as he approached, how he slowly lifted a hand to let his fingers glide against the soft bedcovers. He was taking you in, as though assessing you like you were one big, elaborate math question. 

“Morning, Baby,” Wonwoo mumbled, almost like you weren’t tucked in someone else’s bed. In his best friend’s bed. 

The tightness in your chest made you swallow hard right as Wonwoo sat down beside you on the bed, still looking at you. Now, you could discern a shadow of tenderness in his eyes, sweet, caring, but weary. 

“Wh-when did you get back?” you asked, not even attempting to hide the shock and horror in your tone.

Wonwoo blinked slowly, acknowledging your tone. “Just now,” he mumbled, shifting on the bed so he could slip a hand on your knee, feeling you over the covers. “Did you sleep well?” 

Shock and terror melted away, replaced by confusion. You narrowed your eyes at him, feeling your brow furrowing on its own. “Wonwoo—” you gasped, bringing a hand to clasp the bed sheets tightly against your chest before trying—and failing—to sit up. “What game are you playing?” 

A half smile crawled onto his face. He lowered his eyes, briefly looking at your half-asleep look—or the very evident post-sex look. But the glint in his eyes didn’t fade. “Not playing any games,” he said quietly. “It’s just a question.” 

You stared at him for one long, quiet moment, realizing that Wonwoo indeed was not playing any games. He was indeed curious about your well-being. And it was obfuscating that he was holding this position, while it was very obvious that you had slept in Mingyu’s bed. 

Wonwoo gave you another one of those slow blinks. “Relax, baby,” he said, his tone soothing, almost seducing you to follow his command. But then he motioned to the door with a subtle jerk of his head. “Did he leave?”

You nodded, sitting up on the bed. Then you felt glad that you had decided to wear Mingyu’s t-shirt, and weren’t completely naked. “But he could be back at any minute, and if he finds you here—” 

“You haven’t talked to him?” 

The question landed like a curse. You hated how it made you feel—like you were doing it all wrong, like you were stringing up something that would eventually blow up on your face. But there was something else to it, something you weren’t ready to sit down and really think about. 

“I have,” you replied with a laboured sigh. You ran a hand through your messy hair, finally raising your eyes to meet Wonwoo’s face. “He’s confused.”

Wonwoo pursed his bottom lip in a light pout, his gaze wandering to the ceiling in consideration. “Confused because you want this or because he’s not totally against it?” 

His words left you cold. You gave yourself a shake. “How do you know he’s not totally against it?” you asked, and then— “Have you talked to him?” 

He replied with a shy smile. “I’ve told you, I know him. He’s my best friend. If he were resolute about his desire to keep his thing with you completely monogamous, then he’d just say it like it is,” he said with a light shrug, meeting your gaze. “But yeah, I’ve also talked to him.” 

You arched an eyebrow at him. “What aren’t you telling me, Wonwoo?” 

He took in a breath through his parted lips, choosing his next words carefully. “I think he hasn’t said yes to the idea because he doesn’t want to admit to himself that he wants it,” he continued with a roll of his eyes and a matter-of-fact tone: “And he’s also pissed at me still.” 

You let out a light huff. “So if he weren’t mad at you, do you think he’d what, say yes?”

“I think he’s not saying yes right away because he wants to punish me for what I did for a little longer,” he said, sounding half amused. “You know, he’s letting me bleed for a little bit.”

You blinked repeatedly, dumbly. “But he’s not punishing me, why is he punishing you? It’s also something I did.” 

He slowed down—his train of thought coming to a stop. Much as though he had come into this room with an idea in mind, and your words had an impact, destroying that initial idea. “If he’s not punishing you, then why have you been distant with me?” he delivered his question carefully, tilting his head to one side. “Are you starting to feel guilty?” 

You rolled your eyes. “Try to be in my position,” you told him sternly. “And no, I don’t feel guilty. I’ve never done this—” you made a gesture with your hands, waving one towards Mingyu’s bed and the other towards Wonwoo. “—before, and it’s confusing! What am I supposed to do when I feel like the scales aren’t balanced for you or him?”

He caught a sight of the bedsheets crumpled around your hips, the bit of skin of your thigh showing. He seemed to have a hard time locking eyes with you again. “The point of all relationships is to figure that out together, isn’t it?” Wonwoo said, letting out a breathy smile, as though finding his own choice of words funny. “If it has been confusing you, then why didn’t you tell me anything?” 

There it was, the reason for all your anxieties. “Because I don’t want to hurt you,” you said, closing your eyes at the twinge driving itself like a knife right between your lungs. “You knew I was going to be with him this weekend,” you shook your head in defeat, letting your gaze wander away from his face. 

“So you do feel guilty, then,” he said. 

You blinked and found his gaze again, now at a complete loss for words. 

But then he made another one of those subtle gestures with his head, as though negating an idea that was starting to form in your mind without ever having to voice it out. He knew you well. “Don’t worry, I’m not hurt,” he said confidently. “I knew you still loved him from the first time I kissed you.”

You shuddered at the memory, heart squeezing painfully in your chest. “Wonwoo—” you started. 

He moved his hand from your knee, and even though it never touched your skin, you felt cold at the loss of his touch. But he was quick, running the back of his fingers against your cheek, grazing it lightly. “And before you say it, you don’t have to say sorry. We’re good.” 

You sighed, closing your eyes at the second his skin came in contact with yours. “I wasn’t going to say that,” you smiled softly at him. 

He caught the softness settling on your face. “Then what were you going to say?” he asked, his tone low. 

You took the hand that had grazed your cheek, squeezing his fingers gently before bringing his fingers to your lips, kissing his knuckles, and meeting his gaze again. “I was going to say that you don’t know how it feels to be in between Mingyu and you,” you said, and then a second later, you added with a lot more tenderness: “And you know I also love you.”

At that, he appeared to weaken. He let his head drop slightly forward in a feeble attempt to hide his true emotions from you. And you knew what the cause of all his weariness was, his careful questioning. Wonwoo was jealous. 

And the acknowledgement almost made you feel dumb. It was obvious, and it was staring you in the face. You were so consumed by the notion that you would hurt his feelings if he knew you were spending more time with Mingyu while he was away that you didn’t register that there might be other emotions in the mix. 

“Wonwoo…” you cooed tenderly, scooting a few inches closer to him while tilting your head to see him at a better angle. “Is that what this is about?” 

He gave you a guilty smile. “Look, I knew what was at stake when I proposed the idea of us three. I knew that there would be uncertainty, I knew that there would be guilt, jealousy…” he said and then sighed deeply. “What I didn’t count on was my lack of control over one of those emotions.” 

His honesty made every single doubt in your mind go away. Wonwoo wanted this. But it was your reluctance to fully commit to it that had him second-guessing your love for him. Did he think you would stop loving him all of a sudden? 

You laughed, the sound bubbly, honeyed. You took his face in your hands, forcing him to look at you. “Oh,” you gasped, incredulous. “You thought I—” 

“Don’t say it,” Wonwoo whispered shyly, dispiritedly. Almost as though disappointed in himself. “I never believed anything. I let my imagination run wild when you didn’t text me back. I thought you had made your choice. I was envious of him. Jealous when I thought I was out of the game so quickly.” 

He pressed his palms against the back of your hands, which were still framing his face. You offered him a kind look, feeling your heart start to melt when you saw that insecurity flitting across his eyes. “I’m not going to lie to you, I did stop replying because I was with Mingyu,” your brow furrowed in worry. “I should’ve just told you. I’m sorry.” 

Wonwoo inhaled deeply once again, but you could see the evident stress on the features of his face go away as he exhaled. “This isn’t easy. Not for you, me, or Mingyu. I guess that as we go along and decide what to do, we’ll know how to handle it.”

You offered him a small smile. “Why do you always do that?” you asked, your tone soft, sweet. 

“Do what?” he replied. 

“Rationalize everything,” you shrugged lightly. “You always know what to say,” you told him. 

“Not always,” he countered with a low tone. Then a beat—his gaze drifted away from your face briefly, and you saw it on his face that the gears in his head were turning. But he added— “And especially not now, when everything I care about is hanging by a thread.”

Your heart slowed down to the point you felt like the air was exiting your lungs. Then you remembered that agonizing thought you had successfully pushed away. “Hanging by a thread?” you repeated. 

Wonwoo blinked at the ceiling, dragging a hand through his hair. “I don’t think you notice yourself slipping away. But I do.”  

You felt your mouth hanging open. “It’s not like that,” you started. 

“It is,” he countered, but you could tell he wasn’t upset. “You’re ghosting me because you don’t want to hurt him. And I get it. I do.”

You exchanged a long look with him, one that spoke out the words he didn’t dare to. It was real—you were hurting Wonwoo, and he was finally beginning to break under the weight of your indecision. 

Your heart stuttered. “Wonwoo—” 

“Look, I’m not mad at you, okay?” he admitted, his voice softening and breaking at the last word. “I don’t want to resent you or him. I’m scared that I’m losing you before I even had the opportunity to be with you. And I’m also losing my best friend.”

Your breath hitched, and before you could even stop, tears were forming in the corners of your eyes. You lifted a hand, reaching his cheek and tenderly bringing his face to yours, commanding his gaze to yours. “Look at me,” you said softly. 

Wonwoo met your gaze, and when he did, your chest caved in. He looked wrecked—like a man who had been trying to keep his emotions at bay for days. 

You lifted your other hand; now both of your hands were framing his beautiful face. “I’m not slipping away.” 

He blinked slowly, letting out an exhale before touching your forehead with his. “I know,” he mumbled. “It just feels like you are.” 

“I messed up,” you confessed, pulling away slightly so that you could see his face again. “I did it all wrong. I thought I was making sure I wouldn’t hurt either of you, but now I know.” 

His eyes searched yours, and you knew that he was just listening intently, but in your mind, you thought he was doubting you. And the thought made your chest ache. 

“I’m not choosing him over you or the other way around,” you said firmly. “But I’m also scared of making the wrong move. I’m scared of hurting you or him, and I panicked.” 

His gaze softened, as though something he saw in you or heard in your tone made him worry. 

“Let me figure things out,” you said, your tone waning. But it was the heavy weight of your next words that made your throat really close up: “You’re not losing me. I promise.” 

Wonwoo looked at your features, his fingers reaching for a strand of your hair, feeling it between the pad of his thumb and index finger. He was thinking of what to say—you had learned to discern that look in his eyes. “What are you going to do?” he asked. 

You let out another shaky breath. “I’m going to talk to Mingyu again,” you said, tone thick in anxiousness, fear. “I’m going to tell him what’s happening between you and me.” 

His jaw tensed slightly. “And what exactly is that?” he asked quietly, looking at you, studying you. “What will you tell him? We haven’t exactly seen each other since that other day. So he knows everything that has happened between us.” 

“That’s one of the things that I need to think about,” you said, smiling faintly at him. 

Wonwoo chewed the inside of his bottom lip pensively, and you could almost feel his anxiety from where you sat. 

“Wonwoo,” you whispered at him, feeling your heart stutter when he blinked, and the features of his face relaxed. “You’re not losing me,” you repeated pointedly, this time more grounded in your decision. 

There was a long pause, one that Wonwoo dedicated to looking into your eyes. There was no doubt in him, but you knew that he needed to make sure that you were sure of what you were saying and doing. He wanted to make sure that you weren’t hurting yourself with your own choice. 

“Okay,” he finally whispered. And it wasn’t in a renounced way. It was more like there was so much he wanted to say, but his lips were sealed. 

You held his dark gaze for another moment. “Okay,” you repeated. 

There was something in him that shifted. And you could see it in the way that he shuddered, like he was suddenly made brittle. He let out the gentlest of exhales, his forehead dropping forward and touching yours, his breath brushing against your lips. “Baby…” he breathed, tilting his face forward, the tip of his nose barely grazing yours. 

It was the smallest of touches, but feeling his face so close to yours made your whole body heat up with desire and unrestrained yearning. You realized just how badly you had missed him—his voice, the smell of his cologne, his presence alone.