SPEED MAXIMOFF

my buddy brings her angel girlfriend to the function, I spend the whole time refusing to look at or even acknowledge her existence, because I am a staunch atheist and dont believe in that nonsense. she starts to throw things at my head to get my attention and between volleys of marbles and kitchen utensils I grunt "swamp gas. aurora borealis. probably a weather balloon.youre seeing things"

another day, I greet my friend at the door, I look over her shoulder and raise an eyebrow, "I see you've brought the electromagnetic phenomena again,"

i appear to have made mortal nemeses with a pigeon

tumblr stop rooting for the pigeon

Tell me an inside joke between you and a friend, without context.

I beg of everyone to read the tags to this post, as they are all random and hilarious and read kind of like a poem, if the poem was written by someone who was on a lot of drugs.