June 5th, 1982 

Hayvenhurst Estate 

Encino, California 

The blistering heat warmed your skin and aided in soothing your mind as you laid on the luxurious sun bed in the backyard at Hayvenhurst. There was a slight breeze in the air that just barely gave you some relief from the unforgiving sun, while the radio played a song that you’d never heard before. To be honest it was kind of hard to pay attention to the song, not only because of the racing thoughts, but also because of the one too many margaritas you had consumed.  He was coming home sometime next week and you just wanted to relax before the storm of emotions started up again. 

 It was one of the few moments the house was ever quiet. Obligations, whether it be career wise or familial, tore the seams of this once close knit family. Where there used to be sit down diners every night and spur of the moment concerts now were occasional weekly diners and missed phone calls. They still loved one another deeply, but the weight of the world was on their shoulders and sometimes they forgot just how much they loved being in each other’s presence. 

The Jackson family was a beautiful chaos, and one that you were lucky enough to witness up close. You were even lucky to say you were a part of the family.  In 1968 two things happened that changed your life forever: your mother’s death and meeting The Jacksons. 

At only 8 years old, your mother’s passing chipped a piece of your heart that no one could repair. Being so young and not being able to realize what death really meant was something you struggled with your entire childhood, but you weren’t the only one who knew what it felt like to yearn to be a child again. 

Michael never knew the innocence and warmth of being a child. From age 5, his father worked him and his siblings to the bone. Never once letting them let loose and be free. 

Always working, always practicing, always getting better. 

Maybe that’s why your souls connected so easily on that early morning in 1968. Your freshly widowed father was a studio engineer at Motown and the morning he was set to record with the up and coming band The Jackson 5, his babysitter left him stranded. Having no choice, he had to take his 8 year old daughter with him to work on one of the most important days of his career. 

Luckily you were a very well mannered kid, always with your nose in a book or drawing little cartoon characters that popped into your mind. You were laying on the studio couch, legs kicking behind you as you read the story, The Giving Tree, when a little boy’s excited gasp broke your trance. 

Michael walked in first, too excited to let any one of his brothers into the room before him. His eyes scanned the room, taking in every minute detail and saving it to memory. When he finally glanced your way, confusion took over his face before it lit up with a smile. “Oh my gosh, is that The Giving Tree?” He rushed over and quickly got down on his knees next to the couch so he could get a good look at the page you were on. “This is my favorite book ever. I don’t even remember how many times-”

“Michael!” A booming voice came from the doorway and you could feel the way the little boy beside you tensed. His once carefree and joyful demeanor was now shaded by the dark shadow of his father, Joseph Jackson. “Boy, get on up and stop playin’ around. You’ve got work to do.” 

Before he had the chance to fully stand up you reached out and grabbed his hand ever so lightly and just held it. “If you want we could read it sometime together?” The warmth and excitement came back into his eyes at your words and for just a moment he let himself relax again. He felt like he had a friend. You looked into his eyes and saw every piece of yourself that was shattered in both of you, and felt so at home with him before even knowing who he was. 

From that day on you were inseparable. Michael had gone home straight to Mother that day and talked about the girl with the pretty green eyes and curly hair before he even mentioned how it felt to record his first song at one of the biggest record labels. He begged and begged Mother to call your father and ask if you could come over to play, even though Michael barely had any free time in his young life. 

You spent any time you could together. Whenever there was a break at the studio,  Michael and you would run away to a spare closet and shut the outside world out. Huddled up together you would read all and any kinds of children’s books to expand your minds. From such a young age you both had the thirst for knowledge. You both craved to understand why bad things had happened to you, and how to cope with how cruel the world could be. 

Most of the time you two would get caught because you were laughing too loudly at one of the silly comics you drew together. One of the favorite ones, being a hotdog flying through the air that looked suspiciously like Superman. The noises you and him made pretending to be Superdog tickled you so badly your cheeks hurt from smiling and were stained with tears. 

Usually one of his brothers would come and find you, and you would both sigh in relief when it wasn’t Joseph. You never liked being around that man and the only reason your father let you go to Hayvenhurst was because he knew how kind hearted and protective Michael’s mother was. Katherine would never let anything happen to you, her precious girl, she would call you, taking you in as one of her own and loving you as if you came from her. 

Your and Michael’s time at Hayvenhurst usually consisted of board games, movies, and chasing each other in the backyard until you both collapsed in a heap in the grass together. 

Clothes stained with grass and lungs gasping for air, you would lie there to look at the clouds above, silently begging for the moment to never end. Just the two of you being kids for once in your lives.

Those pieces of your life together healed one another more than you could comprehend at the age, but looking back on those memories you both now knew just how much you made each other glow for the better or, like more recently, the worst. 

Throughout the many years of friendship, Michael and you learned every detail about the other. You knew how Michael sounded when he finally let himself fully sink into sleep for the night and he knew the tiny tick in your eyebrow right before you started to cry. The love that poured out from your friendship was something magical to witness to any bystander, from soft giggles and bright smiles to your passionate arguments over stupid details. 

Though as you got older and into your teenage years and now your adult lives, the one thing that you didn’t expect to feel towards each other was lust. That undeniable pull that led your hearts together also drew that funny feeling that made your bellies warm and kicked up a stampede of wildebeests, making you flutter. 

You grew up not just next to Michael, but with him. You watched him perform and dance for hours on end, but he moved so differently now. You could understand why every girl he performed in front of screamed, cried, and  fainted just at the sight of him. How could they not? He demanded that every one looked at him and nothing else. His voice had more soul and emotion in it that any single person on the Earth could conjure up. Just the sight of him watching your favorite movie made you want to bury your head in the couch cushion to hide the blush on your cheeks. 

Michael never noticed the way you looked at him, he always thought that you never saw him more than the little boy you became best friends with all those years ago, but he was oh so wrong. The feelings that Michael felt for you scared him more than any performance ever had. 

You were the one thing in his life that wasn’t conditional and it terrified him to think what would happen if one day he let his true emotions show, and you didn’t reciprocate. 

Would you laugh in his face? 

Would you be disgusted that he could ever think of you that way? 

Or was there the slightest chance that you might– No. He couldn’t let himself think that way, and maybe that’s why you found yourselves in a little tiff. 

Michael had been spending a lot of time in New York City. Causally gracing people with his presence at Club 54 alongside his long time mentor, and now costar, Diana Ross. 

He knew how much you didn’t like Diana. You were never quiet about the fact that you thought it was so strange how a grown woman who had known him since he was a child could say some of the things she did about him. But Michael always brushed it off, saying that Diana meant well and nothing inappropriate happened between them. 

Sometimes it was hard to tell if the gleam in his eyes was just pure admiration for an amazing singer and performer or if it was something that went deeper, so you decided you couldn’t wait around for someone who may never love you like you deserved. 

Working as a ghost writer in the music industry led you towards many different people. From sound engineers, musicians, and vocalists you met so many people everyday, so it didn’t surprise you when someone finally asked you on a date. The only problem was he didn’t and couldn’t make you feel half of what Michael could just by smiling at you. 

Michael was furious as he listened to you ramble on about the new man in your life. He was across the entire country from you and all he wanted to do was jump on a plane, show up at your apartment, and make you understand just how much he wanted you. Instead, he listened to every word you said, tapping his foot impatiently as you told him about your first date with Austin. 

“Michael, he was just so sweet to me.” You gushed about him bringing you flowers before he took you on a nice dinner date. “He opened every door for me and-” 

“Oh, really?” Michael didn’t mean to interpret you, but he just couldn’t stand to hear another second of you spending time with someone that wasn’t him. It broke his heart and pissed him off that he couldn’t just say how he felt towards you. Every time he thought he finally had the courage, something major in his life happened that caused the fear of you leaving him to sky rocket. “Look, I really gotta go. I’m supposed to be rehearsing a performance with Diana right now, and she’s gonna be mad if I’m late.” 

He didn’t know why he lied to you. Maybe it was his hurt pride or just the fact that he was so jealous of any man that got to be in your presence. 

“Oh, okay. Well, I hope everything goes well for you. I know you don’t need me to wish you good luck, but-” 

“Yeah, I’ll see you in a couple of months.” Michael put the phone down before he could even register how rude he just was to someone who was in no way of deserving it. 

That happened months ago, and so many things had passed between the two of you with little to no communication. Michael didn’t want to reach out in fear that he would hear how happy you were without him. He obviously wanted you to be happy no matter what, but it stung to know that maybe you didn’t need him in your life like he needed you. 

You on the other hand were busy dealing with countless meetings with new artists wanting you to work for them. Their egos go in the way during those important conversations which turned you away from wanting to collaborate. You knew at the end of the day you were willing to give up your rights to the song, but some artists seem to forget that they wouldn’t have a number one hit if it wasn’t for you. 

You also ended up breaking things off with Austin. He wanted to take your relationship to the next level, intimacy. While you guys had heavy make out sessions, something in body was begging you to not go that far with him. He didn’t feel safe. He didn’t feel like home. 

Austin didn’t take it very well when you rejected him. It was a side of him you never got to see. He called you a prude because you didn’t want to have sex with him, which didn’t make you cry in front of him, but when you got home you burst into tears. 

You longed to call Michael and tell him about what had happened, but your pride couldn’t take him not answering your call or even him dismissing what you were saying, so you just cried yourself to sleep that night missing the man that used to be in your life and your mother. 

Which led you to where you’re at now. Very tipsy, laying in the sun, trying your hardest not to think of the man who refuses to leave your atoms. LaToya had suggested that you come over and spend the day by the pool catching her up on your life. What LaToya didn’t expect was for her agent to call her urging her to get to the city for a last minute audition. 

She knew you would be fine by yourself in the huge house, it was basically your home as well. You knew every single crevice of this home. “There’s a letter from Michael on the kitchen table.” LaToya could see how the mention of her little brother made your whole body change. “It’s a demo for his new album. I think you should listen to it. It’s pretty good.” 

You scuffed, “Pretty good.” It was annoying how every song he touched he turned into gold. It didn’t matter if he didn’t write every single lyric, he sang every song with enough passion that it made you feel like he meant every word. “He didn’t send one to me.” 

“You know Mike, he’s moving a thousand miles a minute. He probably had one ready for you, but just forgot to mail it.” She tried to comfort you, but there was a pit in the middle of your stomach that was telling you that just maybe Michael was slowly trying to completely push you out of his life. 

“Mhmm.” You took a long sip of the strawberry margarita that was lessening some of the harsh and bitter thoughts. You glanced at LaToya through your Ray Bans, “You’re gonna kill it at this audition and then you’re gonna come home and tell me all about it.” The smile you gave her was genuine, but she could tell it took a lot in you to do it. 

“Thank you, bee.” That nickname brought an easy smile to your face. The whole family started calling you that when you were little because you were always buzzing around the house like a little bee. “I love you, have fun and please be safe.” She eyed the drink in your hand. 

You gasped like you were offended and put your hand on your heart, “I’m always safe.” LaToya gave you a look that said she could tell you were bullshitting her, but she didn’t have time to talk more about what was really bothering you. She left with a quiet ‘I love you’ and slipped through the gate. 

You slipped your headphones over your ears and clicked play on your walkman. Your ears instantly being filled with some of your favorite songs in the late 70s. The strawberry margarita was extremely refreshing as you gulped more of it down until there was nothing left in the glass. 

As soon as you stood up, you could tell that the tequila was hitting you a little stronger than what you originally had thought, but that didn’t matter to you. You still went through the step of pouring yourself another glass from the pitcher you had made earlier in the day and garnished it with a sugar rim and a strawberry. 

You knew this should be your last one, but the drink was just so sweet and was making you feel like nothing mattered. The little breakfast you had that morning was doing nothing to help you either. 

That curious little part of your brain begged you to slip inside to the kitchen and grab his demo. You longed to hear his voice and even though you were so upset with him you couldn't help but find your feet moving you towards the sliding glass door. 

There in his undisguisable handwriting was ‘Baby Be Mine’ written on the cassette. Even the name of the song made your heart flutter.

How badly you wish you could hear those words coming from his mouth. 

You didn’t waste a single second taking the cassette out of your walkman and replacing it with his demo. You had to hear his voice, no matter what the song might do to your lonely heart. 

The drums kicked off the song and a funky groove started playing that made your hips move on their own. You started making your way outside again where you picked up your drink and just let the music take over you. His voice sounded incredible, which was no real shock to you. Michael could read a grocery list and you would think it was the most beautiful melody. 

I don’t need no dreams when I’m by your side 

Every moment takes me to paradise 

Darling, let me hold you 

I’ll warm you in my arms and melt you fear away 

Show you all the magic that a perfect love can make 

I need your night and day 

So baby be mine 

Sonically it was an amazing song. It was groovy, funky, and just made your body move. It was also very sensual which was making goosebumps prickle your skin even though the sun was still blistering down. It made you feel warm in your lower belly, thinking of Michael saying those words to you. 

You listened to the song so many times that you had already finished your drink. Setting the glass on the table you picked the strawberry off the rim and started taking bites out of it as the song started playing again. 

The music was so loud in your ears that you didn’t hear the fans at the front gate screaming, you didn’t hear the sounds of the cars that held him and his security team pulling up the drive way, and you differently didn’t hear the sliding glass door being opened behind you. 

Lost in your own little world of Michael Jackson and strawberry margaritas, dancing in your little orange bikini is how he found you. You were twirling around, dancing with two left feet with your headphones on and the rest of the world locked away. He smiled to himself, happy to see you here, in his space, but he could also tell in your body language that something was haunting you. He just wasn’t aware that something was him. 

The reaction he had to seeing you for the first time in almost a year was overwhelming. Michael wanted to run to you and hold you in his arms, but at the same time he just wanted to stand back and look at you. How gorgeous you were, glowing in the early afternoon sunlight. The curves of your body made his mind go to places that he was fighting so hard to contain. He wanted to touch, kiss, and lick, every part of your skin, committing your taste to memory. 

He was so distracted by you that he almost missed how close you had gotten to the edge of the pool. Your feet were dancing along the edge and if you took one more spin you would land in the pool soaking yourself and your brand new walkman. 

The alcohol clouded your brain so much that you didn’t even feel him watching you. You could always feel him whenever he walked into any room, but your judgment was shadowed. So shadowed that you took one more step and there was nothing underneath your foot as you started to fall towards the pool, but for some reason you didn’t. 

Warm, large hands encased the entire expanse of your bare stomach and hips. Your back was pressed tightly to his strong rigid chest, his heart beat nearly breaking through his thin t-shirt. “Are you crazy, honeybee?” Michael asked with no reply from you. The song was playing so loudly you couldn’t hear anything else, and you were so scared from almost falling over that you were frozen in his arms. 

Michael ever so carefully turned you around in his arms, never letting the physical space between you grow. Now that he was facing you, he could see your lips that were stained strawberry red, and your sunglasses had fallen down showing your eyes that had gone a little glassy from the alcohol. 

You didn’t look straight into his eyes yet, you couldn’t. You just kept yours glued to his chest while your heart tried so hard to slow down. When he moved his hand to remove the headphones from your ears you let him, the song now played freely between you two. He chuckled, “LaToya can’t keep things to herself now can she?” 

A blush grew on your cheeks caused by embarrassment that he had caught you listening to his music. Sure, you had always been that one that he let listen to his demos first, but this was different. He didn’t ask you to listen to this one. You just couldn't help but need to hear his soft and soothing voice. “I’m just wondering why she had to be the one to show it to me, and not yourself?” 

You broke yourself free from his restraint, even though you really really didn’t want to. His hands felt so good on your waist. The way they took up the whole expanse of your hips and stomach and how confidently he held you made your bikini stick to yourself with your arousal. 

Michael had no answer to your question, not one that didn’t sound ridiculous. Not only did he think that song wasn’t perfect yet, he also didn’t want you to listen to it because what if you listened to it a little too deep and could tell that he was singing straight to you. He decided to change the subject, “Didn’t ya miss me, mama?” 

“Miss you?” You laughed in his face, not meaning to hurt his feelings, but because it was genuinely funny to you that he was asking you that after the way he ended your last conversation. “You weren’t missin’ me.” 

As he watched you walk away from him, towards the sun bed, his eyes drank in the way your hips swayed and your full, round ass moved with them. “Why would ya think that?” Michael’s ego was taking a hit at your reaction to him being home. He thought you would jump up and down and into his arms, but this side of you was something that Michael didn’t have experience with. 

“You had Mrs. Diana Ross to keep you company.” You plopped down onto the warm cushion and made sure the sunglasses you had on were fully covering your eyes. You didn’t want him to see what you were actually feeling. 

In his tight blue jeans and form fitting white t-shirt he sat down on the sun bed at your feet. Michael picked up your feet and gently sat them in his lap. “This again? I told you she’s just a good friend.” 

“You look at her like you’re in love with her.” The words were out before you could stop yourself. Alcohol and you being hurt did not mix very well. His hand that was slowly rubbing circles on the top of your foot stopped. 

“And what if I am?” He could have corrected you at that moment, told you how much he loved you instead, but he didn’t. Michael wasn’t a perfect person, and he was hurt that you were acting so cold towards him. He didn’t understand where all of this was coming from. Sure he was short with you the last time that you spoke, but did that warrant this kind of behavior from his favorite person? 

You snapped your feet away from him, not wanting to touch him. If he had his hands on you in any way you would surely fold in the comfort of his touch. Your whole body just wanted to curl up in the fetal position and never move. Even just the thought of him saying he loved another woman made you sick to your stomach. “Then why are you here when you could be with her? Huh? You weren’t even supposed to be back for another week.” 

‘I wanted to come back to be with you.’ He thought to himself.  “Why are you here and not with your boyfriend? You do remember that this is my house, right?” Michael couldn’t even believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. He was always so soft spoken and respectful, but the energy between you two was so charged he just couldn’t help himself. 

“You would know, if you bothered to call me, that we broke up months ago, but you’re right. This isn’t my home, and it certainly doesn’t feel like it now.” You stood up, not even bothering to gather up your things and went to move past him, but you didn’t get to move very far. 

Michael grabbed your wrist and swung you around so quickly that you lost your balance, but of course he wouldn’t let you fall. He placed you in his lap and simultaneously took the sunglasses off your face, and said one word that made your hardened heart thaw. “Baby,” his large hand came up to cup your face and move the hair away from your eyes. “I’m sorry I was short with ya on our last phone call. I was stressed, and that’s no excuse, but I also just hated hearing you talk about that man.” 

You scoffed without even thinking about it, “Yeah, like you would be jealous of another man.” The thought of your best friend being jealous of another man in your life made you laugh. There was no way that Michael held a candle for you that way. He only saw you as the little girl with unruly curls and who snorted when she laughed. 

Michael didn’t understand what you found so amusing. His face was stone and serious as he looked at you. “I want to be the only man that you talk about.” After years of pint up lust, love, and anxiety he couldn’t hold back with his feelings any longer, and maybe the fact that you slightly drunk gave him the courage to speak because maybe you wouldn’t remember any of this. “”I couldn’t stand the fact that he was the one taking you out on your first date, cause I thought that would always be me.” 

Your laughter stopped in an instant as you watched his face for any kind of deceitfulness, but you could always tell when he was lying and he looked like he was telling you the god’s honest truth. “What are you talking about, Mikey?” The softness in your tone finally came back. 

Michael searched for words in his head, but nothing he could say could fully express how he felt for you. His gaze dropped down to your lips. Stained strawberry red and covered with sugar he couldn’t help but wonder what you would taste like and how it would feel to kiss you after years of yearning for you. 

You tracked the movement of his eyes and how he took his own bottom lip in between his lips. Before you could stop yourself you turned your body completely towards his and swung your leg to the other side of him, straddling him. “What are you-?” 

“You know, for a second there, I thought you were actually going to do it.” You leaned in slightly which made his hands go to your hips. His thumbs fit perfectly in the crease between your thighs and your hips. The two of you were matching puzzle pieces that were slowly finding their way to one another. 

“Do what?” He sounded breathless, which he was. So many nights he imagined this, you sitting all pretty on top of him, riding his cock so beautifully as he just sat back and watched you take him. He would have to pull his hard cock out of his boxers just to soothe himself as the images raced across his mind, and every time he did he felt so guilty after his release. 

“Kiss me. Do you want to kiss me, Mikey?” The alcohol gave you courage to be a sexy, seductive woman. You figured that you had nothing to lose. You obviously didn’t want to lose Michael as a friend, but you also knew that your heart couldn’t handle it if he truly did love another woman, so you finally decided to take a chance. Your hips ever so slightly moved, causing a gasp to escape his mouth. 

His head shook side to side. “I can’t.” He sounded wounded just saying it. His teeth were gritted and his words sharp. Your hands found their place on top of his and started to guide them up your stomach and the side of your torso. His jeans were getting tighter and tighter with a growing bulge. 

Your lips slightly pouted, “You can’t? Or you won’t.” You guided one of his hands up the valley of your breasts and rested it against your heart that felt like it was trying to escape your chest. “Don’t you feel how much my heart beats for you, Mikey?” 

His whole demeanor changed in an instant, from being caught under your spell to stern. “I refuse for our first kiss to be with you intoxicated.” 

“I’m not-” 

“No, you listen to me.” A chill went down your spine at his tone. In the years of knowing him you never once saw him that way. He meant every word he was saying to you and he needed you to know just how serious he was. “When I finally touch you. When I finally get to taste my sweet girl I want nothing but lust clouding that pretty little head of yours, okay?” 

All you could do was nod. Your mouth had gone dry and your body had gone soft against his. Finally, there was some relief between you two, and it put you at ease that he at least felt something for you. With your head rested in the crock of his neck you started to quietly cry. 

“Hey, hey, why is my girl cryin’?” He held your head in between his hands and made you look into his eyes. Michael could swear that he never saw anyone as gorgeous as you, even when you were crying. “Did I say something wrong?” 

“No, no.” You sniffled, “It’s just that I’ve waited so long to hear you talk to me like this, and the first time you did I was stupid enough to be drunk.” 

“Now, I know you’re not calling yourself dumb.” Michael swept away a loose tear. “You were just letting loose and having fun, you didn’t even know that I was going to be home today.” He hated seeing you like this. You had a habit of being so hard on yourself and Michael made it his mission to always correct you when you said something negative about yourself, cause to him you were perfect. 

“I know.” You gathered yourself and looked deep into his big beautiful eyes. “I’ve loved being your best friend. I wouldn’t trade our friendship for anything in the world, but for so long now I’ve just longed to be yours.” 

Michael thought his heart was going to jump straight out of his chest into yours, where it belonged. One of his earth shattering smiles graced his face, “Honeybee, you’ve always been mine. I just think it took both of us a little too long to figure that out.” 

You sat there for a moment just embracing each other, refusing to let go of the possibility of what the future might bring. Eventually, he picked you up, holding you firmly with his hands on the backs of your thighs and your legs wrapped around your waist. He led you to his bedroom, a place where you had been many times before, but now when you entered through the doorway it felt like an entirely different room, and you were certain the next time you left it things would be different between the two of you. 

Michael set you down on your feet and turned you away from him so he could untie your bikini top. He was such a gentleman and didn’t even make a move to look at your exposed chest as he handed you one of his oversized shirts that fell down to your mid thigh. 

“We’re gonna take a nap. You’re gonna sleep off the alcohol and I’m exhausted from the flight.” You both got in the king sized bed, and under the fluffy covers. “When we wake up, we are gonna talk about us, and I can show you just how much I love you.” 

Tears started to well up in your eyes again, but you pushed them back down and got as close as you could to him. “Oh, Mikey. I love you s’much.” He leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on your forehead that was still warm from being in the sun all day. 

For the first time in a long time, you both felt truly at home and at peace.