Its Been A Long Ride

And it hurts to touch where you used to be.

(The saddest goodbye we’ve had, Is the one we never got)

- While we’re both happy someplace else, why do we still have playlists that remind us of eachother

(but I don’t think I mind)

1. If they're not proud of you, they are not worth your time. It doesn't matter who they are. 2. No adult is willing to take you seriously or allow to you to be opinionated unless you are in the same mindset as theirs. 3. Freedom of speech doesn't seem to apply to teenagers, but give 'em hell for it. 4. Life is too short for bad grammar. 5. Try everything, and if you regret it, you have better advice for your friends/family. 6. The people you thought would always be in your life will get up and leave at some point, whether or not they come back is up to them, not you. 7. Math does not determine how smart you are. 8. Be nice first because once you're mean, they'll never know the if the nice is real or not, so be nice until its time to stop being nice. Then destroy them. 9. People that hurt you will not hesitate to hurt you again if you set them off the wrong way, protect yourself, keep your distance from those people. 10. Smile at everyone sometimes you can save a life from just flashing that smile. 11. If they try to shrink you, push them off a building. 12. Yelling will not solve anything. 13. Crying is not weak. 14. Don't judge something or someone you don't know because it'll make you cold,arrogant,and cynical. 15. Just because they're your parents it doesn't give them the right to treat you badly, let them know that. 16. Just because you're a kid doesn't mean you don't have rights, so look them up and know them because they will come in handy. 17. Wear it to school, if they make fun of you don't even worry about it, they're flaky high school kids they won't remember tomorrow. 18. EAT. I cannot stress this enough, eat. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. EAT. 19. Focus on right now, your future can wait. 20. There are 12 inches in a foot.

These are the minutes I keep breathing for, the minutes where I am alone with ever so lovely thoughts while the smell of roasted coffee fills my head. I live for the faces I will never see again and the experiences they are experiencing as I dip in and out if their conversations. I can sit still for these minutes and observe what's happening around me while I secretly write down what I am thinking, and I proceed to de-stress while I take sips of my coffee. I always have other things to do at these times, but I ignore my responsibilities for a moment to be in my quiet place, my happy place or maybe just my calm place. I live to sit by the windows on sunny, cold days because here it is always warm and I can enjoy the rays of the sun for these minutes. Minutes might turn into a couple hours more than usually, but I still don't mind for a while or at least not until I leave. I discover the most beautiful, lively people this way.

       She's really truly beautiful. Beautiful chestnut-coloured, messy hair, thin light pink lips. She seems as though might have overslept this morning, I could be wrong though, I could always be wrong. A brace covering her jean covered knee, a light fall flannel jacket and an olive green shirt. I didn't pay enough attention to her eyes, I wish I would have. They might be brown, could be hazel, they were a deep colour. How beautiful she was.  I was lucky to catch a glance at her in this coffee shop, despite the fact I may never see her again. Seeing beautiful people is always a privilege.

There is an assembly that they had at my school earlier today. It's about mental health, and I really really disliked the assembly. I didn't dislike the students that came up and talked to us about their problems in fact in some ways it was inspiring and made me think about how one day,maybe, I'll climb out of this darkness I'm trapped in and finally be okay. The issue I had with this assembly was that I could tell you every name of each person that came up to talk to us, this bothered me immensely. Each student that came up each had their own stories of being locked in the depths of their minds, but I knew all of them; all of them we're very well known at our school whether it was for sports or other activities they have been involved with throughout their  high school careers. I wish that they would've had an open mic where if you had  story you'd like to tell about yourself you could go up and tell people instead of these popular students who were asked by the school to talk. I would've loved to hear from the people who are the underdogs at our school. The ones who are heavily ignored and looked down on, I want to know the underdog stories. I appreciate what my school is doing for mental health but I wish they went about the assembly in a different manner. Sorry for my rant, I just needed to get this out.

speakwithoutspeaking.tumblr.com

Childhood. A little girl in a dress too big. Dragging her blanket and sucking her thumb, we do not know growing up is rigged. Childhood. Pretending to be adults. Cigarette in one hand and in the other a drink,we do not give a damn what you think. Childhood. The thing everyone will lose eventually, we look back on it and say “I should have stayed that way”.

Hold it together, do not let them see. What they say is killing me. Try your best to be alone. And always sleep while you are at home. There is no god that will save you. Make them think that they can tame you. Two years time you will be gone. And they will wonder where they went wrong.