Big Booty Bitch

are you the friend that opens water bottles or the friend who has to hand over water bottles to get them opened

no offense but howyou answer this absolutely defines your sexual position

hey what if someone invented a machine that allowed women to transfer their pregnancies to men and then the government passed a law that if a woman didn’t want to have a baby the biological father was required to carry it how fast do you think birth control would stop being an issue

BEST NIGHTBLOG POST EVER

AP exams are 😱 finally 😱😰 here 🕐 u college board BITCHES 😷 and it’s gonna be AP 🔥 LIT 🔥‼️ remember 💭 to get a 👌 GOOD 😉😏 NIGHT’S 💤😪 SLEEP 😴 before the 📝 TEST 💀💀 DON’T spend all NIGHT 🌚 on ya COMPUTER 💻 for 😉😉 SCIENCE 🍌 ❌❌ and DON’T get 😏 PHYSICal 💦 with ya BIOLOGY 👉👌 or ur gonna 😰 lose 😭😭 all ur (gibb’s free) ENERGY 😵😵 AND CUM 💦😏 calcuLATE 🙊❌ to the 😷 exam 😷‼️‼️ HISTORY 🌎🌎 and statisDICKS 🔢 have 👀 shown 👀🔍 that u might be PSYCHed 🤔😨 OUT 😭 during the TEST 😫😱 and that u won’t be able to 🔍 deRIDE ✏️ the 😛 V (velocity) and the 🍆 D (dickstance) 💦💦💦 BUT DON’T ❌ go APES 🐵♻️ and 😵 lose ur 🍆 HEAD like ya boi Louis XVI 🇫🇷🙇💀 BECAUSE that WON’T 🙅 happen if u 🤔 reMEMBER 👅💦 ur 🍌 DICKtion 😋 and 📐 SINtax 😈😈, if u juDICKtial REVIEW 📜 ur notes like Marbury v. DADDYson 😫❤, and if u keep ur 👀 ION 🔬 the C(L)OCK ⌚️🕑‼️ but if u aren’t aFREUD 😨😜 to aPUSH 🇺🇸 urself 😘💪 to the limits 💃 u will get more than Wilson’s 4️⃣2️⃣0️⃣ POINTS 🔥🔥💯 so GOOD LUCK stuDYING 🔫💀, SUCC 🍭some COCKulus 😫🙌, van GOGH 🏃 be a FReaQ 📝💦, and get urself not a one 😔 BUT A 🍆 FIVE 👅🙏💦

some kid in my class next to me went to their calendar app and set a reminder on january 12th, 2058 at 7pm to die and then just closed it.

The Thrussycat Dolls

ASFHSTSWGFS

when someone asks me about my best friend

i regret telling a coworker i was vegetarian because now a year later theyre vegan and they live in portland and every single day they post a video on facebook of them like running up to a truck full of cows and crying and apologizing to them

who’s papa john

I just realized that I commented on the wrong post.

whoever created chinese food is my hero

probably the chinese

Class discussions are fun until u find out ur classmates are racists

what are these “shower thoughts” everybody’s talking about, i dont think about anything in the shower, my mind is completely blank as i douse my body in scalding hot water and stare at a wall

…did…did Barbie just break the fourth wall. 

that is stacy you uncultured swine