weeping willow

“Let me wake up next to you, have coffee in the morning and wander through the city with your hand in mine, and I’ll be happy for the rest of my fucked up little life.”

“when you left there was a lot of rain. And I don’t mean just outside, I mean everything was just very gloomy and dark. I remember there was a lot of tears and not just regular tears.. there was sitting on the bathroom floor tears, breaking down at our favorite makeout parking place tears, crying in the shower tears, having a panic attack the first time I saw you since we said goodbye tears. just a lot of tears. It was the type of pain that I always felt, it was just always there, my heart just felt so damn empty all the time. everything hurt more without you & I couldn’t stand the intensity of my feelings and the lack of yours… I just couldn’t believe how one-sided things could be. I’ve been trying to distract myself from all this pain but it always comes back to you. I will never not wish that things could have worked out between us. I wish we could have been more, I so badly wish things could have been different with us. but they aren’t and I have to wake up every morning knowing that.”

“I don’t know how to stop missing you. My mind always finds an excuse to think about you.”

i am distant because i just want to save you from the worst parts of myself. piece by piece, i am becoming so frozen, so cracked.

“Every inch of you is so beautiful and so perfect that I can’t bring myself to touch you in fear that my darkness will leave an mark.”

“I tried shoving all of my feelings down my throat, because no matter what I wanted to believe or not; I Deserved It.”

“Somehow, a part of me still believes you are my soulmate. That you’re just lost, and you’ll find your way back to me eventually.”

“Perhaps the saddest thing of all, is that I write poetry about a boy who doesn’t even think of me in passing anymore”

It’s been a year and a half and I still miss you like crazy. Recently I’ve been fighting the urge to text you and tell you I miss you. I hate myself for still feeling like this when you left me like it was the easiest thing you ever did. How do I stop loving you?

All I can do is wonder where you are

feelings that come back are feelings that never left

“when you left there was a lot of rain. And I don’t mean just outside, I mean everything was just very gloomy and dark. I remember there was a lot of tears and not just regular tears.. there was sitting on the bathroom floor tears, breaking down at our favorite makeout parking place tears, crying in the shower tears, having a panic attack the first time I saw you since we said goodbye tears. just a lot of tears. It was the type of pain that I always felt, it was just always there, my heart just felt so damn empty all the time. everything hurt more without you & I couldn’t stand the intensity of my feelings and the lack of yours… I just couldn’t believe how one-sided things could be. I’ve been trying to distract myself from all this pain but it always comes back to you. I will never not wish that things could have worked out between us. I wish we could have been more, I so badly wish things could have been different with us. but they aren’t and I have to wake up every morning knowing that.”

“I thought it was the end — it was the end of it. It was the moment when I lost you. Little did I know I had to lose you more than once. You think I lost you over the last text messages we exchanged, but it was not it. I lost you the next morning again when your name no longer appeared on my phone screen. I lost you once more when my friend said my eyes have lost their shine and I lost you one more time when I picked up my phone to dial your number until I realised that my love was suffocating you and you wanted to breathe. I lose you every time I miss you and realise that you don’t miss me at all.” by memoirsofbilal (via Instagram)