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I am alive gang

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Not studying stresses me and then I can’t study because I’m stressed. 😓
I took a pill overdose and made my parents cry.
“They’re just looking for attention.”
Oh, a human being is seeking a social response? Human being, the social animal wired to make and track social connection? A human desires the vital blood that permitted their species to survive for millennia? The human being who was born completely helpless and primed in every way by nature to seek attention and help from their community?
Wow that’s crazy. How embarrassing. Humiliating even. Should we isolate them from community? Should we call Wire Mother?
I feel depressed and isolated. I hate it. Plus I have to study too. I feel like I need constant stimulation through some activities or interactions to feel like life is for living. But then I want to isolate myself too. What’s that about?

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I recently uncovered a story I came up with for a school project when I was like 11 and now I am pasting this entire thing here for anyone to see. I unfortunately never finished it because my grandmother was severely unimpressed with what I had so far.
Seeb was sitting on the bus on his way to school. He didn't recognize anybody on the bus. He was sitting in the back of the bus and there was a bully seated right in front of him. The bully turned around and started calling him names. Then a noise that sounded like an awful lot of buzzing came from his ears and out came BEES. Everybody on the bus screamed and the bus driver lost control. The bus drove right into the school and into a hallway. Everybody in the hallway got excited because they thought they were going on a field trip. Everybody started getting on the bus. Seeb walked down the hallway. Everybody has sting marks on their body. He walked into his classroom and he didn't recognize the teacher. Everybody has scratch marks near their noses. The classroom smelled like bacon. He traced the smell back to the teachers hair. When he tried to smell it, his nose was poked by the hair. The teachers hair was razor sharp. He sat down and the teacher introduced himself as Rickle the Pickle. He told his class that today they would be learning about rickles. Nobody knew what a rickle was. Rickle the Pickle asked Seeb if he knew what a rickle was. Seeb replied with "Buzzzzzzzzzzzz" "CORRECT!" replied Rickle the Pickle. A rickle is another word for buzz. Rickle continued to teach them about rickles. Later that day, it was time for lunch. Seeb was eating a honey sandwhich and was very nervous. He infact was so nervous that bees came flying out of his ears once again. The teachers pressed the bee alarm button. Nobody knew why it was there in the first place but it was perfect for this situation. The Bee Department showed up and got rid of all the bees. The school day was over and Seeb left the building and realized it wasn't his school. Seeb was too young to know his address and still thought his moms name was "mom" so he had to sleep at the school. The next morning, he got up and Rickle the Pickle said that today, they are doing a bee drill. The class didn't know what that was. Rickle the Pickle explained that it's like a fire drill but with BEES. Everyone followed Rickle outside and he explained that once they get outside, they had to wait for the bee department to come and put out the bees with their bee extinguishers. Everybody followed Rickle inside and on the way back to the classroom, a bus came crashing right through the wall and into the hallway. The bus driver said that they were going on a field trip. Everyone was excited. The class cheered. Rickle ate a pickle. Seeb did a happy dance and the bees inside Seeb rickled. Everyone got on the bus. The bus driver asked if they knew where they were going. Seeb rickled. "Wrong!" replied the bus driver. "We are going to mars" the entire bus became extrememly loud. Everyone was excited. The class cheered. Rickle ate a Pickle. Seeb did a happy dance and the bees inside Seeb rickled. The bus driver then said that he didn't know how they would get to space though. Silence filled the bus.
This is unfortunately where my masterpiece got cut short 😔
I want this story continued
i find it quite amusing how my tumblr moots don't know what a 𝓈𝓁𝒶𝓎 𝒸𝓊𝓃𝓉 𝒷𝒾𝓉𝒸𝒽 kinda person i am. like as much as i like to dress like an incel teen boy from the 2010s, i also enjoy feeling like a 2000𝓼 𝓮𝓼𝓬 𝓸𝓯𝓯𝓲𝓬𝓮 𝓽𝔀𝓮𝓮 fem thang
WILLOW RANT 6
Ok ok ok ok I get I might be reading too much into this and this might be a controversial take but does anyone else think current cultures need for hyper individualism is what’s leading to all of us acting and looking the same like not even just in alt communities but stuff like the clean/natural beauty movement was originally people and brands trying to set themselves apart by acting like “CHEMICALS EVIL EWWWW” “I don’t use CHEMICALS I am not like other CHEMICAL users” or in alt communities people acting like you can’t be alt unless you use the most underground back alley products and clothing or only listen to “turn table spin tip revolution demons” or something else with only two listens ever and societies INTENSE obsession with labels and niche communities and people acting like you can only be a cool or good person if you have extremely niche interests and label every aspect of your life ?2? Like no offense to people that do this but I’ve never understood the need to put down EVERY SINGLE interest or illness or sexuality or personality trait or skill or hobby or gender or facial trait or nationality or identity into a bio like again no judgement and I can understand that for some it might help with finding community or feeling proud but for me it’s always come off as a little useless ??2?2 Sometimes it really feels like people collecting a bunch of useless labels and I’ve seen people get really stressed out at trying to find a label that “fits” them when , i don’t know , it doesn’t really “matter” I guess ?2?2?2 because in reality no labels will ever fully fit anyone because labels are a box made to quickly shove things into for a quick explanation and for brands to sell you a product not really made to fit like a glove and I feel like a lot of people don’t really understand that and it makes people feel like they HAVE to find a label that fits and so they use like 500 labels that kinda barely fit them and that fits even more into this weird need people have where they try to set themselves apart so much and trying to know themselves so well that they end up looking just as lost as everyone else 1!1!1! It’s like trying to hit the nail on the head so hard that you end up with a bunch of crooked nails not even fully in the damn wood 1!!1!1
Anything?
Hmmm. Good question.
Yes…ANYTHING
sometimes you will see a joke circulate within a fandom and at first it's all fun and games but then the slow and terrible realization starts to seep in that this will become in fact a widely-accepted way to read a specific situation between characters that were subject of said joke and there is nothing you can do about it but to watch the horrors unfold in real time

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I just finished the office
I feel empty inside
yeah yeah having a crush is embarassing but have you ever watched yourself develop a new category 5 character obsession in real time. agonizingly humiliating shit
So difficult to withhold the eyeroll when people say things like, "My body was designed for this" wrt childbirth or whatever, because even if I accept the premise that our bodies were designed, I have to imagine mine was designed with the most basic function of breathing in mind, and yet I had childhood asthma and would have died without intervention so idk if I'm trusting my "designer" with something as physically traumatic and historically deadly as childbirth
all texts are risky texts if you have sufficient fear in your heart
Remember that if you want to do more of something, you have to do less of something else. It's that time of year where people set goals for the new year and they have plans and hopes and it's always focusing on what they want to do more of. More studying, more exercise, more crafting, more socialising, more making things from scratch. Okay, great. What are you going to do less of in order to have the time and energy to do more of those things you really want to do?
And if your answer to this is "less doomscrolling" or "less bedrotting" then great, but please think about why you're doing those things. No one's doomscrolling or bedrotting because they don't have things they'd rather be doing. Actually, I'm willing to bet you have a lot of things you'd rather be doing and you spend your life internally screaming at yourself to do literally any one of the many things you want to be doing instead, but you don't have the energy for them all and you can't work out how to prioritize them, so doomscrolling spares you from making that decision. Or perhaps you're burned out from taking on too many projects and you need to rest your brain, so you lie in bed because you don't even have the energy to get started anymore.
This is going to be a really hard pill to swallow, but the truth is you might not be able to balance all your hobbies and all your projects the way you'd like. If you want to finish writing that book, you might have to reduce your daily drawing habit to a couple of times a week. If you want to do yoga every morning, you might have to accept not cooking from scratch as often. If you want to spend more time with your family, you might have to cut down on your yearly reading goal. I'm not saying give up on your hobbies; I'm be realistic with your time and your energy and be kind to yourself. Stop expecting yourself to do more and do better every single year. You don't have to constantly be growing upwards and reaching for the stars; you can be content with where you are, or even cut parts of yourself back to make space for other things in your life to bloom.
Think about what your priorities are and make peace with doing less of other things. Less is okay. Less is not failing. Less is self care.

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for 2026 i need to be more pollitically concios
but i dunno how to spell conchus
how can i be councies
if i can't even spell consheose
I am so cool that if I step in a forest fire, it becomes a hailstorm.