Easy F*g

Oh, Jake. From the moment I met him, I wasn't sure what he was doing here. Higher education (or any education, really) didn't agree with him.

He certainly didn't agree with it.

"So, what classes are you taking?" I asked him as we set up our dorm.

"I dunno," he said. "Kinda seems like a waste of time, y'know? Like, I got so much better shit I could be doin' instead of listenin' to some prof talk about, like, why the curtains are purple or whatever. It's such bullshit."

"Oh…?"

"For real, think about it, dude. Like, what's gonna be better for my career? Writin' a bunch of papers, or goin' to the gym, workin' out, meetin' people, makin' connections? 'Cus nobody's gonna care about my grades, once I get outta here, y'know? But they are gonna care about me. I'm gonna make 'em care. Who I am, who I know, all that. Like, people are gonna say…'Yo, that's Jake? Remember Jake? He's fuckin' awesome, hahaha!' N' dude, like, you're gonna be able to say you were roomies with the Jake. How cool's that?"

"Right, it's cool. But tuition's not exactly cheap."

"Who cares, bro? I'll start an OF or a Throne or some shit, hahaha. Like, everythin' costs money anyways, dude. Don't you worry about me, like, imma figure it out. But the good news is, I got unlimited protein -"

"The dining hall?"

"Yeah, n' gym access, hahaha. I'm gonna go crazy, dude…"

"Well, just…don't go too crazy?"

"Ay, I appreciate it!" He smiled.

"So, I'm just thinking this through. What happens when you fail a class?"

"Who says I'm gonna fail? I'm just not gonna go. Keep up, bro!"

"Right…"

"I mean, if you do my homework for me…"

"Excuse me?"

"Hey, roomies help each other out! I can already tell you're all, like, smart n' stuff. So…"

"So?"

"Don't you nerds like doin' homework?"

"Wow."

"What? I'm just sayin'…"

"That's like if I said, 'Don't you jocks like being big and dumb?'"

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