Meatloaf extraordinaire

some of you need to re-learn the word "selfish" and stop calling everyone a fucking narcissist

i could never handle immortality not because of any existential reasons but because i know itd make my procrastination so much worse. catch me putting off tasks for decades. catch me putting off tasks for centuries. what do you mean that movie ive been meaning to get around to became lost media 40 years ago. what do you mean that landmark ive been meaning to visit has been eroded. oooh i got PLANY of time..............

even if your clothing is made of natural fibers the thread is usually polyester. the sexy crow boy will suck the threads out of your 100% cotton t shirts like pasghetti

Imagine for a moment you’re one of Lou Wilson’s new neighbors. This guy moves in driving the joker-mobile. He gives you his number and when your call goes to voicemail you’re treated to a full gospel choir. One day you catch a glimpse through his window and he’s just scratching hundreds of scratch-off lottery tickets. He owns two jet skis.

Not now kitten daddy's googling his symptoms

Daddy has five days left to live

If your life is horrible and you need a new source of meaning and direction.... Do NOT find religion. Learn to identify plants.

Shoutout to my dad who accidentally moved into an up and coming black lgbt neighborhood and was very disappointed to learn that all of his “new friends” weren’t actually interested in how to use iNaturalist or where he saw coyotes on his walks 😔🙏🏻