My girlfriend lied to me, secretly met someone she knew I was uncomfortable with, and left her phone at home because of GPS. We’re supposed to move in together tomorrow and I feel completely broken.
I don’t even know what I’m looking for right now. Maybe advice. Maybe someone to tell me whether I’m overreacting. Maybe I just need to get this out because it’s almost 2 AM and I feel completely devastated.
My girlfriend and I are supposed to move in together tomorrow. We’ve been planning this, preparing for it, and I genuinely thought we were about to start a new chapter of our lives together.
And then tonight, I found out she lied to me.
There is this gay guy I have never been comfortable with. She knew exactly how I felt about him. She had asked me before if she could meet him because she said she just wanted to say goodbye, and she already knew I wouldn’t be okay with it.
She didn’t tell me. She hid it from me. And what is absolutely destroying me right now is that she left her phone at home. We have GPS location sharing, so her phone would show that she was at home while she was actually somewhere else.
I’ve called her so many times. So many missed calls. She hasn’t answered because her phone isn’t even with her.
And now I’m sitting here wondering: How am I ever supposed to trust her again?
I know people might say that he’s gay, that nothing romantic probably happened, or that I shouldn’t control who my girlfriend is allowed to see. I understand that. But that’s not even what is breaking me right now.
It’s the fact that she lied.
She could have told me, “I know you don’t want me to go, but I’m going anyway.” At least then she would have been honest. Instead, she made a conscious choice to hide it. She left her phone behind. She went somewhere knowing I wouldn’t know where she really was. And I had to find out from a fucking photo.
We’re supposed to build a home together tomorrow.
How am I supposed to do that now?
How am I supposed to sleep next to someone and not wonder whether she’s telling me the truth? How am I supposed to believe her location when I now know she can just leave her phone behind? How am I supposed to not question everything else she’s ever told me?
Part of me wants to return her deposit money, block her everywhere, and disappear from her life completely. I don’t want to hear excuses. I don’t want to hear that she lied because she knew I would be angry or because she knew I wouldn’t let her go. Because even if that’s true, she still chose deception over honesty.
But another part of me is sitting here waiting for her to call.
And I hate that part of me.
I hate that despite everything, there’s still a part of me that wants her to come back, explain everything, apologize, and somehow make this pain go away.
But I don’t know if an apology can fix this. I don’t know if I can ever look at her the same way again.
If I forgive her, am I betraying myself? If I leave without hearing her out, will I regret it? And if I stay, will I spend the rest of this relationship wondering what else she’s hiding?
We’re supposed to move in together tomorrow.
A few hours ago, I thought I was about to start a life with the person I loved.
Now I’m sitting here at 2 AM wondering if I even know her at all.
EDIT for context about the gay guy, since a lot of people are asking why I was uncomfortable with her seeing him:
This wasn’t just some random gay friend that I suddenly decided I didn’t like or wanted her to cut off for no reason.
This guy never liked me. He knew we were together, but he would constantly call my girlfriend while she was with me. It happened enough that it made me feel like he didn’t respect our relationship or my place in her life.
There’s also another layer to this: he’s friends with someone my girlfriend had a fling with before we got together. So yes, that entire connection made me uncomfortable, and my girlfriend knew exactly why.
UPDATE: She admitted she lied
She came home around 3 AM and messaged me saying she had just woken up and needed to pee. When I asked if she had met the guy, she repeatedly denied it and only admitted the truth after I gave her an ultimatum.
I asked if she would have ever told me had I not seen the photo, and she said no.
Her explanation was that she knew I didn’t like the guy and thought telling me would trigger my anxiety.
I understand the criticism that I was being controlling by not wanting her to see him, and I’m willing to reflect on that. But I also think these are two separate issues. I can acknowledge my behavior while still believing that deliberately lying, creating a cover story, and continuing to deny the truth when directly confronted is a serious breach of trust.
We’re supposed to move in together, so I’m now deciding whether this is something that can realistically be rebuilt or whether it’s better to end the relationship.
FastTelephone2521: So I guess there are a couple of things. Without knowing why you don’t want her meeting him, I’d say yeah that is some messed up shady stuff. To your point, it’s the lengths she went to protect the lie that would concern me. That said, telling your partner who she can and can’t meet with is a little wild and the level of vigilance you have about her is also a big red flag for me. I think yeah, yall probably shouldn’t be moving in together, because clearly the trust isn’t there and it sort of doesn’t sound like it was before anyways. Edit: also him calling her while you two are spending time together, and him being friends with someone she had a fling (like are we doing fifth degrees to Kevin bacon to decide who your partner can be friends with?!) with seems toxic to insist a partner not be friends with him over. Should he speak poorly of you to your partner? No, but that’s not even what you are describing. Do you often see someone calling your partner when you two are together as a sign of disrespect? Is she supposed to never pick up the phone once yall live together?
Gaijin91: oof, this sounds toxic all around. who are you to say who your girlfriend can or cannot meet with, especially in a platonic context?
Cacawcacaw: Monitoring your partner’s location is a controlling behavior, and isn’t going to get healthy outcomes. Doesn’t matter why you do it. If you want to stay together that’s probably gonna require couples counseling
Draenog_: I think your girlfriend should break up with you immediately. You control who she can and can’t be friends with and use location tracking to monitor her movements to the point that she felt she had to leave her phone at home to see a friend. I think she should have told you that she was going anyway, but I’m not going to judge her too harshly if she felt afraid to. I don’t think you should move in together tomorrow. I think you should both take a step back to decide if this relationship is healthy and whether moving in together would make it harder to leave if either of you felt that you needed to.
Redlips_rosycheeks: So, here’s the thing. You’re mad about your girlfriend lying, which is fair. But what I’m seeing is you put your girlfriend in a position where she felt the need to lie to you, leave her phone behind (a huge thing for most people, as I’d argue 90% of people are glued to a device these days, especially women for safety concerns), and hide her friendship from you. You say she could’ve told you she was going anyway - but I imagine you would’ve then felt like she didn’t respect you and your wishes or boundaries, and communicated as such. I’ve been torn between people who love me before - two friends who hated each other, a partner and a childhood friend who thought the other was toxic, even arguing parents who can’t see past their own egos to my needs. All it leads to is my distress, and the inability to do what I want for myself because everyone else’s voices are too loud. Can you imagine how hard it is to love two people who hate each other, to want to say goodbye to one, but the other insists it’s disrespectful to even talk to them? I don’t know the whole story. What I do know is you’re saying you can’t trust her because she lied - but it’s looking like you never really trusted her to begin with, if you’re trying to control the friends she has, who she talks to, and when she can see them. So I get why she lied. In the face of your anger or disappointment, the guilt you’d give her, and whatever other reaction from you she feared, she didn’t really have another choice - unless you wish she broke up with you entirely.
Originally shared by Geekcup on r/ActualLesbiansOver25 on July 13th, 2026 at 6:35 PM UTC.
