Actual Lesbians

So, I’m an androgynous person AFAB. Pronouns are her/she/ they/them/dude/ho/ etc. I was chillin in my car when a man I barely know from my complex strikes up a conversation and asks if I’d like to smoke. Sure why not I figure. I’m parked and just unwinding for the day. He gets in the passenger seat and he packs a bowl everything’s cool. It’s summer time now and it’s been hot af. I’m wearing shorts.

Dude blurts out that I have nice legs. Uh oh. I know where this is going and I am not having it tonight I think to myself. He then proceeded to ask if I like girls. Well duh homie. He then asks what about men? I say nah not my thing. Dude tries to play psychologist and says that all women desire a man; what he’s really saying/thinking is all women want dick. That women including lesbians wanna be penetrated by a man. I stand my ground and said no. Thats not it at all and im not in any mood for that kinda talk. I told him to be cool. I ain’t with that so drop it. Dude then says well let’s go get some P**** and I’m just like, I had a long day I’m gonna go inside soon so I’ll pass.

Why do some men think we all long for a piece of flesh that they happen to have? I didn’t even mention to him that I’ve pegged men in the past, several men nor did I ask him if he would be interested in something like that. I had to navigate this conversation very carefully. Women have been hurt and even killed for refusing a man’s advances.

I’m thinking to myself I’m hella androgynous a few months back while at the library with a friend I was misgendered by the staff when I exited the women’s restroom. They said “sorry just making sure” to which I replied “Fuck off” while shaking my head. How did he find me attractive in any way was my question. He tried so hard and I had to shut him down.

This is not the first time a man has challenged my sexuality or tried his best to get me into bed. Like bruh no thank you. 🙂‍↔️ no gracias. Nope 👎 What do they get out of this besides rejection.

Does he think he’s gonna turn me out? Change me? Fix me? Rock my world? It’s so uncomfortable and unnerving to me that they try to shoot their shot. If he only knew how good I am with a strap on. 😏 but I didn’t mention that cuz sex wasn’t even on my mind. I just wanted to chill and enjoy a good conversation but nope. Dude had to be a horny weirdo.

I’ve had my share of ignorance from ladies too. A girl I was kinda in a LDR relationship asked me about straping and asked if I had Penis envy. 🙄 Mind you she was a late bloomer lesbian and that comment irritated the shit out of me. Using discredited Freudian jargon. She assumed I was the one who wanted to use a toy while being intimate with my partners. Nope, my partners were the ones who wanted it and I fulfilled their requests. That’s aside, why can’t men understand that their dick isn’t life changing nor are THEY needed to have a great time during sex?

Well he kept at it and I just had to be firm and tell him no. Not into it. He got bored and finally took off to meet up with someone.

God what a relief it was to have this dumbbell out of my car. To my fellow humans who are butch, masc, andro, trans, nonbinary, etc has this ever happened to you and if so, how did you handle that situation?

What people had to say on Reddit:

Alarmed-Speaker-8330: I’m trying to get past you inviting a dude you barely know into your car to get high. Maybe getting high should move down a little lower on your list of priorities. Now, not saying you’re the shithead here. But what did expect? Really?

Tripsister420: Lord why me? You, because you invited a dude into your car. 99.9% of men are not being friendly. They are talking to you because they want to fuck you. That's it. When a man speaks to you, in almost any situation... The answer is a firm "no". The end. Anything more will be taken as an invitation. I'm sorry this happened to you, and I'm trying not to victim blame, but this is unfortunately the world we live in. If you stand in the rain, expect to get wet.

Scorpionx0: Crazy letting a random man in your car….. Yes as a masc lesbian I’ve still had men flirt with me. You have to shut it down really fast, should’ve kicked him out of your car at the legs comment …

Talkstorivers: Wow. So much victim blaming for a bunch of (hopefully) feminists. Disgusting. Sometimes the male ego is shockingly strong. So glad you were safe and sorry this happened to you, but honestly I think you handled it well. Definitely better than I have at times in the past, so just go with your gut.

Acceptable-Moose8295: I love the ‘you haven’t found the right guy yet’ or ‘I’ll turn ya back’. I’m a plain old lesbian. Like ok buddy. Gotta laugh it off

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I HATE the infighting that occurs between SOME lesbians and SOME bisexuals. It is stupid, has no value, and detracts from common ground and shared lived experiences, and this is why I PERSONALLY prefer mixed sapphic spaces, with both lesbian and bisexuals interacting!

I see, in strictly lesbian spaces, sometimes resort to bi-phobia, assuming that all bisexual girlies will end up with a man or that they are more prone to cheating or are somehow stained by their attraction to men, or disregarding that it is possible to be bi and only date other girls. Sometimes lesbian only spaces can become a bit misogynistic too, ie especially towards bisexuals, sometimes even to femme lesbians!

Then on the other side of things, sometimes I see some anti-lesbian sentiment from fringes of the bisexual community, such as insinuating that lesbians are all bi-phobic, trans-phobic, or rude. There is also some sentiment that everybody is a little bit bisexual, or sexually fluid, which can be invalidating, because lesbians don't get attracted to guys.

I feel out of place as a lesbian who is also femme, and if I had to pick one, I would generally prefer being around bisexual sapphics, but I do not relate to being interested in guys, either.

This is why I really like mixed sapphic communities, with both groups present. It represents common experiences and shared love for other girls, and weeds out the anti-lesbian bisexuals and anti-bisexual lesbians. Infighting bad.

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I'm looking for any best friends to lovers books that is slow burn (but doesn't have to be) with an unhealthy amount of yearning from both MCs. I just finished reading Just Three Words by Melissa Brayden and I loved it. So anything similar would be great.

Highlights from the comments:

Kumirkohr: On the Same Page by Haley Cass

One-Hippo-7597: The Girl Who Bit Me by Valerie Hunter

Soft-Spirit617: Following because I also need all the yearning from both perspectives

Starkicker18: Jericho - Ann McMan

Elephant_poet88: Only Hope by Ruby Landers !

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I know my story isn't unique, and I've gained so much insight and hope from this group over the past few months. Basics: 50yo, 2nd marriage of 13 years to the world's kindest man.

I came out to myself (& my therapist) in May. I don't have a specific timeline for talking to my husband, but we had a vacation planned with 2 other couples for the beginning of July (currently), and I know I couldn't say anything until at least after the trip. I also haven't been able to tell my 2 BFFs, because I didn't want to make things awkward for everyone on the trip.

It's been hard on me trying to act as normal as possible and the group keeps talking about, "on our next trip we should..." when I'm the only one who knows DH won't likely be on that trip.

Our wedding anniversary just happened to fall while we are here.

Husband gave me a card with a beautiful message about me being his soulmate and best friend, how much he loves our life together, and how he can't wait to spend the next 40 years growing old together. I feel like I was punched in the gut. I started crying and had to mask it as happy tears.

This man is so kind, loving, generous. We are a great team, rarely fight, and have truly built a great life together. The thought of telling him and hurting him so deeply is killing me. I honestly don't think I can do it. My brain knows all the reasons I need to be honest, live my truth, etc, but I feel so incredibly selfish that doing what's best for me comes at his expense.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for with this post, I just needed to vent to someone bc I have no one here I can talk to. If you make it this far, thank you for listening.

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Deciding to not label my sexuality rn, cause I’m young and there’s so so much self discovery and deconstruction that I need to do. Although it may seem like the label I identify with the most, I think jumping ahead and labeling myself as a lesbian isn’t very accurate until I’ve actually done the inner wok to know what my sexuality is.

I also think it’s extremely harmful for actual lesbians for me to just go ahead and label myself as a lesbian if that’s not really what I am(or maybe it is, idk yet). There’s no need to label myself, not yet. I need a lot of comphet and self discovery to get through. Yes. But being obsessed with a label isn’t going to help at all, nor isn’t it beneficial to the lesbian community. I am still INCREDIBLY sapphic and queer, but at the moment, I’m just learning more about myself and who i am.

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Just a pic 😍😍😍

😍😍😍😍

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hey everyone. i’m coming here as a last resort, i have no idea how to come out to my boyfriend. we’ve been together for 4 years and have a 2 year old son together. i love him so deeply, but in the past few months i’ve come to realize i’m actually a lesbian. i’ve been a closeted bisexual for a few years (incredibly religious family) but i’m just not attracted to men. i dread sex, i get disgusted every time he shows attraction towards me, i don’t want him touching me. but it has nothing to do with HIM, i just don’t like men. i have no idea how to tell him, he’d be so heartbroken. i honestly do t think he’d believe me because i’ve told him so many time how straight i am to try to cover up. i just need advice. i’m in my 20’s and i feel like the time for self discovery has passed, and honestly i’m embarrassed.

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Hey yall. As the title says. I’m all for wlw spaces, but I was wondering if any were exclusive to lesbians? It seems this one isn’t (which is fine) but I’d love a fully lesbian centered space to consult as well!

EDIT: wow. Already this is getting accusatory in the comments. Did not expect that. Yikes.

EDIT 2: Holy fucking shit. Came back from work to see this blew up. Clarification; I don’t hate bisexuals. I don’t hate pansexuals, or any MSPEC identities. I believe trans lesbians are lesbians. I believe late in life lesbians are lesbians. I am not anti bisexual. I just feel a stronger community with fellow lesbians for certain ADVICE would like to ask as there IS INDEED a difference between a bisexual and a lesbian, or else the labels would not exist. The automatic assumption that this comes from hate for simply wanting to know if there are lesbian exclusive communities outside of sapphic communities (THO SAPPHIC COMMUNITIES ARE ALSO IMPORTANT AND VALID AND HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO COEXIST) is beyond concerning.

Some standout replies:

Sableyn: The problem with lesbian-only spaces is they tend to get transphobic fast. Where can we draw the line at being exclusive? Are late bloomer lesbians who might have taken a while to figure out their sexuality not welcome there? What about trans lesbians?

Wise_Requirement4170: I don’t think there’s a single subreddit that both is exclusively lesbian and also doesn’t have massive issues with transphobia or biphobia. Lesbiangang, for instance, is notoriously transphobic.

Littlecarro: People in the comments need to understand that lesbian exclusive does not have to mean transphobic or biphobic. No one wants to enforce or police anything. It’s just about a space for and by lesbians.

L3tthelightin: lol comments are crazy lowk, lmk when you find out twin

TheLacticAcids: One of the best subs I know is blacklesbians but obviously, if you're a randomw white girl let us have our space. Otherwise, there are private subs that exist but if you're asking, you probably won't find out which ones or how to get an invite.

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[OC][Our Little Universe] The beautifully magnetic chemistry between Fire and Water

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I want to get women off as my service to humanity.

I think it would be so cool if there was a place I could post smutty writings about my fantasies, and also post sexy photos of myself.

A tumblr blog would’ve been perfect for that. Unfortunately, they no longer allow smut.

Do you know of anywhere I could still do something like that?

What people on Reddit said:

Fkndemon23: My face

Ratstar-666: r/BDSMsapphic for erotica r/GoonetteHub for pics They're both decently well moderated and remove men's accounts quickly after being reported :)

Candid_Cucumber_2440: I’ve been writing short pieces for another sub, if you’d like to chat about it.

Bookishdoe: Trust me, there is still plenty of smut on Tumblr.

RayDuskDawn: r/GWASapphic they allow both text and audio for smut. There's also r/BDSMsapphic if the smut is of the kinkier variety.

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TLDR: wife told me she isn’t sexually attracted to me and no longer likes women. She wants a “platonic life partnership” without any romantic or sexual intimacy. She had previously identified as pansexual, but now says she’s only attracted to guys.

Needless to say, this is all very confusing. She’s my best friend and she was supposed to be my forever. She says sex isn’t important to her and that she wants to stay with me and stay committed. But how is this not just settling for a sad, unfulfilled life? How can I be with her when she won’t be able to love me in any of the ways I need? When she experiences sexual attraction towards guys and will never be satisfied with me.

We own a house and have two dogs that are our kids. I’m about to turn thirty. The idea of starting over with somebody else makes me so so sick. But I don’t want a sad, sexless marriage with no intimacy.

Open to any advice and opinions.

TIA!

Edit: I’m fully monogamous. I can’t do poly or ENM. I’m far too jealous and unstable for that.

What people on Reddit said:

StillStanding_96: You would never enter into a marriage with a straight woman. Why would you stay in one? These can still be the best years of your life. Please don’t waste them in a relationship that cannot fulfill you

Teqtommy: i'm sorry, OP but i smell a rat. something's missing here. if this were me, i would get my butt to my therapist ASAP to figure out which strategic questions i could ask my partner to get to the bottom of whatever is going on here. i'll bet you all the bananas in the world that you aren't getting the complete story. to me, your partner's explanation has the same tone as one half of a married couple pushing for ENM when they have already cheated. that explanation is too simple and convenient for your partner.

Pissypants444: I’m so sorry, this is awful. I would feel so betrayed. She absolutely is not considering your feelings and if she really loved you she would want you to be happy. Please leave and find someone who deserves you.

Enby_dyke_: you have so many years ahead. staying with her, someone who will not fulfill your needs, will absolutely keep you from finding someone they would fulfill all of them. as hard as it is, bc i know it’s got to be, leaving would be your best decision. best of luck and i’m so sorry 💔

Vestayekta: No. Absolutely not. I'm sorry OP. :(

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It's worth it!

7 years ago, I came out, divorced my husband, restarted mine and my kids' lives, and left my future in the hands of fate.

Last fall, I married my beautiful, fairy princess wife, and I don't regret a single choice I've made along the way.

Sometimes, you can't get anywhere chipping away little by little. You just have to blow it up so you can actually rebuild.

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Do we fw the messy makeup?

Normally receive compliments, but ofc, the one negative comment about me looking like I have a herpes scar has me a little insecure.

Here are a couple photos. 1 selfie, 1 stylized.

Edit: ((This look is not an everyday look. I do this for a Halloween event I attend annually and for photoshoots/drag))

From the comments:

Save_Canada: yeah, thats a no from me dawg

ReverendRocky: The lip smudged off the edge for me isnt doing it but thats my own perfectionism talking

Trumpeting-farts: Nah, sorry. That look would not fit the vibe of someone I would want to bring around my friends and family.

Babyshamanmama: I like your smudgey smokey eye, I don't like the lip. I'd prefer it smudged consistently all the way around, or more dramatically and obviously a smudge in one or two areas. Like drag it out more. But if you like it that's all that matters

Enby_dyke_: this is sick for a photo shoot, a concert, the club, but as an every day idk if folks would really get what you’re going for. i super dig the look

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WNBA, PWHL, NWSL and now Women's Pro Baseball League. Feels surreal to have this many options to watch women's sports.

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Just wanted to celebrate a little. I have been really depressed lately. After years of drafting texts to my family group chat, I finally sent them a message opening up about being SA'd by my long term boyfriend. Afterwards, I kind of decided, what the hell, and said that, by the way, I'm bi. I just decided that I only wanted support from people that I knew were not going to leave me or disown me. Not all of my family has responded yet and I'm anxious about it, but my mom said that she loves me and apologized if she ever made life hard for me. This would have been unheard for her to say years ago. I feel really exposed, but also a little free? My dad, who is not in this group chat, previously said he failed as a father because of me, so I have been living in fear for the rest of my family.

This was a really big step for me. My walls have been up really high for such a long time. The SA experiences have really messed up my relationship to sex and my body and the way that I feel like other people perceive me. I ended up telling them everything because I was tired of feeling like they might believe that I was shutting them off or being depressed for no reason. I also just want to be open to what the future holds without holding my breath to see if they stick around for it.

There is still so much I have not told them, but I don't have to tell them everything. They just need to know what I'm ready to tell them. I feel a little better now. My brother just needs to check his fucking phone soon so I can be less anxious lol 😅

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I just immediately start thinking about all the times I've gotten so turned on from gagging on it and cumming till my brains melt every time she hits my spot . Or the times I'm inside her and she clamps down and makes us both cum.

And especially the times when I'm getting my ass kicked my by disphoria and don't want to be touched and pleasuring her gets me off at the same time she does. Mirror neurons🤤🤤🫠

Uhhhh, I'll be in my bunk if anyone needs me.

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I hate when men do it but I expect it from them, but when a woman does it, I automatically think less of them because like what is wrong with you? I think it’s just so disrespectful in general, and the fact that you’re a woman saying that too like are you for real?

Some replies worth sharing:

Heytheregiada: 100% agree. I call people in my life out daily for it, it's just a violent and degrading word and I don't get why it's not taken seriously. It literally is referring to women as breeding stock. I also see a shocking number of women online calling themselves butches while referring to women in this degrading manner like that isn't entirely antithetical to the identity. Also, perhaps another hot take on this topic: I hate also when women use it to refer to men, especially when they use that to claim it's gender neutral and therefore not a slur. It's so misogynistic of them.

Sableyn: Keep in mind that some people who call themselves female, especially online might be an ESL speaker and using a translator or AI to help communicate. English is my third language and while I know we should be calling them women instead of female, unless you're constantly involved in English content you might not (this also depends on the level of English you've been exposed too. Some places might have only taught someone the basics, "hi, how are you?" and not things like adjectives, nouns, etc)

Luci_Cascadia: You hate being called a female? What? We are females. I understand not liking the slurs. But hating female seems weird. We are female. It's not a slur. Is "male" no longer allowed in reference to men?

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