Actual Lesbians

still in love with my best friend

i can’t be the only one who fell in love with their best friend, right? i fell in love with her about four years ago. since then, i’ve only fallen deeper. we lived together for the past three years, and i’ve had other crushes in that time, but i’ve always loved her. even when i was dating a guy (hadn’t realized i was a lesbian yet), i still thought about her all the time. i spent way more time with her than him, and i liked being around her more. i’ve already confessed to her before, and we had a very in depth conversation about it, and my feelings haven’t affected our friendship. even though i know i don’t have a chance, i still love her. i don’t think i’ll ever stop loving her. when i think about my future, like my wedding or my future spouse, it’s always her. i don’t want advice on how to fall out of love, just people who can relate.

Here are some replies:

Deep_Attention9201: I fell in love with my best friend when I was 14/15. I was absolutely smitten. I wrote her poetry all the time, long paragraphs, we'd text non stop. I couldn't help but fall more and more for her even though she constantly rejected me by saying she was straight and stuff (yet would constantly say that she loved me and that I was her soulmate ect) I couldn't see a future for myself at that point but the only future I could see or ever wanted would be with her in it. (and I guess once you lose the only thing you're living for, you realize the world doesn't end entirely when it does happen - you can lose everything and still find purpose to live) The next year (I know Im a bad person for this) I started dating someone else but the issue was I kept seeing the things that they lacked that I had found in my best friend. That relationship only lasted a few months and that best friend was constantly jealous of the girl I was with at the time. Then lockdown happened, my best friend and I would text and call non stop everyday. One day, she told me that she had feelings for me from then we got into a relationship. It lasted two years. We broke up in the year we were going to turn 18, very messy breakup. I'd be lying if I said I don't still think about her. I genuinely loved her more than I've ever loved anyone before. All other attempts at a relationship haven't felt as sincere as it did with her, perhaps because we were friends first. I'm not entirely sure. She was comfort in a way words can't even describe. Unfortunately our relationship ending was when she blocked me, but I saw she's getting married to some guy sometime soon. Pretty saddening but shows me I need to grow up and move on.

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I love ragebaiting and making silly jokes to the girl I like to make her angry lol idk why Obv I say sorry right after she gets angry bruh. (It's just a one sided one crush lol)

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hi! so disclaimer, my first language isn't english so if you read something and it doesn't really make sense, thats why.

now with that out of the way

me and my girlfriend have been dating for almost a year and a half now, we love each other to death and plan to get married, have a house etc. some extra info, we don't live together and we usually spend the weekend together and when our schedules allow it, we see each other in between weekdays.

the thing is, that this past few days we were at the beach with my parents celebrating my birthday, we (reluctantly lol) agreed to not have sex because we were scared we'd get heard/walked in on.

we were successful on the first night bc we arrived at almost 2 am to the house, but the following days we weren't able to spend 2 hours in bed without starting to touch each other. we don't really have a problem with this, but we keep saying "oh we always want to have sex because we are too in love" and like, yeah LOL.

it's the same thing when we are at her house, sometimes one of us is changing, the other one stares and then the little giggles come out and we both know what we're thinking.

we're always kissing each other's bellies, playfully grabbing boobs, basically trying to get in the other one pants if we can.

sometimes we're eating/cooking/cleaning and we start to give the other one little looks and we have to stop, recalibrate, and think with our brains for a second so we don't get delayed because WE WILL have sex right there and then.

we are (well, she is LOL te amo mi vida, lo siento) pretty careful and try to not make noises/be too obvious, and i guess im just posting this to see if anyone has experienced something similar? i am a bit scared of the changes that may come when we eventually move in together but i am aware that things like that do (most of the time) happen in stable relationships and i know our love won't decrease bc of our sex drives. we've built an incredibly strong companionship and if anything comes up, i am sure we will be able to see it through.

google only seems to talk about lesbian death bed/different libidos and things of the sort and i just want to be able to read experiences similar to mine.

so, any couples out there?

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Pride month is over but I’m still gay

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am i the only one yearning for my future butch lover? so bad, my chest aches when i see lovely butchfemme couples and read writings by older lesbians telling stories from their "young dyke" days and i really really want my butch sweetheart to be in my life already i have sm more to get off my chest but i'll save that for my journal lolz i just need to know i’m not alone 😁🙏🏽

Some notable replies:

Cadd9: I hope you find your butch. My little soft butch was the one who found me. It is such a wonderful relationship

Downtown-Oil-3462: You will find yours! I felt the same way and I am now very happily married to my stud. ❤️

Tiny_Bear_7414: I completely understand, I’m the same 🥹 I really do yearn for it

Dismal_Pineapple_600: Your time will come, don't put pressure on yourself! I've seen quite a few people in similar positions but identifying/looking for different things eg butch looking for fems etc. So everyone's on their own journey! I'm masc presenting, and don't have a preference of who I'm attracted to, but often feel being masc presenting that neither fem or masc people will find me attractive 😂 it's a weird journey, but we will all get there! I hope you find what you're looking for!

Cristophina: I’m butch, and I feel the same way about finding my femme someday!!

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Long hair is pretty… but short hair felt so much more me. Should I go for it again?💇🏻‍♀️💇🏻‍♀️💇🏻‍♀️

What people on Reddit said:

Reiniken: Your jumper is so gorgeous

National_sillyguy: the short hair is gorgeous!

Admirable_Tank8533: Your hairs look soo good and you too obviously ;)

No_Asparagus_7759: Either you do pretty

OtakuMage: I love the short hair! I tried having my hair long, but it's too fine and thin to make it work. Mid-neck works so much better for me and it's so adorable and floofy on you.

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Last day of work before my Master's Program

I work from home at a desk so the bottoms are sweat pants 😂

Cut my hair a little bit shorter than intended. I think I'll like it once it is an inch or 2 longer. It did not want to cooperate with me 😤

Repping no make up today. I usually don't feel as confident without it. But there can't be any growth if you stay in your comfort zone.

Extra- my paintings in the background

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Pick my next read for me!

I just finished The Safekeep and I am undone ~ desperate to find something to fill that hole. Looking to avoid hetero relationships or at least hetero sex scenes!! I’m also not super interested in male written

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When you confront her about it, she confirms in a voice message that she no longer cares whether you're in her life or not, and she also tells you that she does want to fall in love again. However, at no point does she clearly tell you that she wants to end the relationship.

From the comments:

Slhlt: I would feel heartbroken and break up with her

Lunarthistles: I feel like ambivalence is unacceptable in a relationship. Both partners need to be all in.

NotToday1993: To be blunt, It sounds like both of you are really young. And it sounds like she is checked out of the relationship already and could potentially use you as a placeholder/backup gf until she finds someone new, if you don't break it off with her.

Chihuahua_supporter: i would feel that she is a loser who needs to be dumped tbh. like wdym at no point does she make it clear that she wants to end the relationship. stop playing games

Locopati: no relationship is worth staying in with someone who is indifferent, not all in, and too cowardly to break up themselves.

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I’m about to start my second year of college in the fall and was a unfortunate victim of the freshman 15-20. I’m now 150-155lb at 5’4 when in the beginning of the school year I was 135-140.

Anyways yesterday I went to a small party my friend was having , and while I was there I met one of her friends. Me and her friend, let’s call her “Ashely”, were talking a lot and we ended up making out in the bathroom while really drunk.

Fast forward to today, Ashely told our mutual friend that she was Interested in me and wanted to start talking, and she added my socials.

I would LOVE to get to know Ashely more and start talking, but then that’ll lead to dates, and those dates might eventually lead to hooking up. She’s really thin and pretty and I just feel extremely self conscious about myself at the moment, I am working on losing the weight tho.

Also none of my cute clothes fit, and with the weight gain all I feel comfortable wearing are baggy tees and jeans. So if we hangout I won’t be able to dress cute, and I don’t feel comfortable buying cute/revealing clothes bc of how my body is.

I’m debating telling her I’m not looking to talk to anyone like that or somehow reject her even tho I don’t want to, or tell her to hmu in a couple months(once I’ve lost the weight).

I talked to my freind about my issue but she dismissed it and told me I’m not fat and it’s not that deep. But it does feel deep for me, I feel not only self conscious but ashamed.

Another part of me feels like if she liked me enough to want to pursue me, maybe she won’t care that my body isn’t very attractive. And maybe I can not engage in hooking up until I’m back at my weight. Or maybe I can get to know her and once intimacy even starts to happen I’ll be comfortable with my body again.

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This is what it feels like to willingly be abstinent

Okay, so what started as a journey to overcome bad coping skills and sex addiction has over the years turned into me realizing I'm a lesbian and that I have 0 desire to have meaningless intercourse no matter the gender. It has been a healing journey, but I often forget that I literally could just go and do it and no one is stopping me. Like I wouldn't be breaking a law and I'm way beyond where I used to be. I literally just realized that I was telling myself I can't do it when really I can, but it would just have to be the right way. So weird.

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My weakness😩

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Some days when I’m (f31) feeling a little flat I like to put lingerie on under my clothes to help me feel sexy and powerful and it really helps as a pick me up.

Am I the only one?

Notable replies:

Rosesurosie: Hype yourself up luv!!! You're so hot and deserve it <33 Sometimes I find myself doing a full on makeup routine to feel pretty and just binge watch dramas XD

Melaninnotes: I do that, it does boosts your confidence. Do whatever that uplifts your aura ❤️

Liz_the_lazybian: Yes either wearing the sexiest lingerie I own or going full commando, both equally boosts my confidence

Epicsuperlative: I love this! I do a masc version: wash my face, put on cologne, and fresh deodorant before my (virtual) meetings sometimes when I need the extra vibes

Junglejibe: Another day another obvious fetish account :|

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space opera is just my favorite genre, i like it a lot and i like girls a lot and i want more girls in my space opera /hj

Some replies worth sharing:

Crater_Caloris: A memory called empire and its sequel Some desperate glory (Idk if I'd call this "sapphic" because it has lesbians in it but the relationships are very very tertiary at best, but the whole series is very queer and does interesting things with gender) the Imperial Radch trilogy

Effective-Web971: If you’re open to graphic novels you might enjoy Cosmoknights!

Difficult_Spare_530: I've been reading Protector of the Realm by Gun Brooke rn. It's been fun. A Memory Called Empire by Arkady Martine is a good time Love Galaxy by Sierra Branham was excellent. Its "The Bachelor in Spaaaace"

AlwaysBeReading81: Here are a few worth checking out: Unconquerable Sun by Kate Elliott (2 of 3 books released) These Burning Stars by Bethany Jacobs (3 of 3 books) Fangs of the Serpent by Tammen Chase (3 of 3 books) The Two Lies of Faven Sythe by Megan E. O'Keefe (1 of 1 books) Bluebird by Ciel Pierlot (1 of 1 books) The Fleet Admiral's Daughter by J.A. Gaudio (3 of 3 books)

Harkgriddle: Rebecca Thorne just released "Moss'd in Space" yesterday. Through it sounds maybe more comedic than serious operatic drama. I haven't read it yet, but she's the same author who wrote "Can't Spell Treason Without Tea", which was fantastic.

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Getting my confidence back after a breakup!

I rarely ever share pics of myself except to close friends stories but I thought I'd bite the bullet and show off 🤭 will be deleting in a couple hours

26, UK

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For starters, I'm a medical student, I live in student housing and I'm engaged to my fiancee who I've been with for 7 years, tho we only see each other every other week because of my schedule. I love having sex with her and never had any problems with the noises she makes, they're music to my ears.

However, my neighbor invited her bf to move to her apartment in late April and our vents are connected, SO I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING THEY DO, it's gotten to the point where I've woken up in the middle of the night from the sounds of her moaning, that's how loud it is. To add insult to injury, I've started my pediatrics and will start my gynecology rotation right afterwards so I spend all day at the maternity ward, and the sounds are the EXACT SAME, which is fair, cuz you know, they're giving birth, but it's the same screaming and moaning.

So I go to work, hear women moaning and screaming, go home, hear my neighbor moaning, I've started to get Pavlov'd into hearing moans and thinking about work/my neighbor. I fear I'll be extremely turned off next time we do see each other and have sex and ask her to not moan cuz it will make me angry😭😭😭😭 help

edit: grammar

Some replies worth sharing:

CherryChristmas: Try not to get worked up over your gf without actually knowing. She’s not just any girls means but YOUR girls moans. She might not evoke such a reaction.

Expensive-Listen3822: Oh no😭

Theteethfairy: This is so funny. Sorry OP. It’s a very niche problem certainly.

Jenny_Jaypeck: Same gurl, for me it's the work and the sweat associated with sex x.x This gay ass kinda turned to a gay ace, due to laziness 😭 Like sure, it's nice to make someone feel good, but it's also work and I'd also like to be spoiled and pillow-princessed sometimes, but when I am, I feel like I ain't pulling my weight, causing me to be unable to properly enjoy it 😭 So yeah, no much motivation to engage in sex, Mixed with my lack of physical attraction made this once demi-sexy bitch, to an ace-in-the-hole...

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I hugged someone yesterday and felt sparks and butterflies??? That's a thing?

A few replies that stood out:

Grouchy_Step_1973: Yess then you want more because it feels so gooddd and warm, especially those long lingering hugs

Pure-Requirement-775: Well, I've felt sparks and butterflies from eye contact and even from just talking with a woman. It's a thing.

Amemomema: Nah, what I felt instead was a knot in my stomach as my thoughts raced

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