Do straight women find men attractive in the same way that lesbian women find women attractive?
Ok so I genuinely could be gay (or bisexual???) and it's becoming a real problem since I'm almost 24 & never been in a relationship or had like full on sex before. It's all a bit of a confusing mess that I keep going back and forth on and it really sucks! And I don't want to be gay (even though my family would not care whatsoever) and it's really frustrating & annoying & I really had myself thinking it was a choice for a while there.
I accidentally stumbled across a lesbian bar/club tonight while I was looking for apartments in this one neighborhood in the city I'm touring. I found myself thinking "wow, every single girl in here is absolutely gorgeous, like even the ones I don't find to be my type I could get with in some form or fashion." Whereas when I'm at bars or clubs with guys I find the majority of them absolutely hideous and I could not see myself getting with any of them. The guys I have liked are insanely attractive, like way out of my league attractive. Like I think Jacob Elordi & Austin Butler are so hot!! It's mainly their personalities that draw me in though. But your average guy on the street I could absolutely never and I don't really understand the women being too picky thing when most men are just not all that to me. And a lot of times I like gay men because of their femininity, and hygiene, and style. And I watch gay porn! I like their sexual parts down there but I never like the body its attached too, like I can't even look at the guy and have to kind of turn away out of genuine disgust over it all. I hate the presentation of it. I do not understand how anyone could get with an older man whatsoever but a lot of straight girls seem to be really into that sort of thing.
So I guess I'm sorta wondering, when straight women go to like clubs and bars do they find guys attractive in the same way that lesbian women do with girls?
Amaayadxb: If your reaction to the average guy at a club is genuine disgust but you walked into a lesbian bar and wanted to get with everyone, you have your answer. straight women absolutely do find regular guys attractive at clubs, they don't look at most men as completely hideous. liking jacob elordi or austin butler doesn't really mean much because they're literally top tier celebrities, it's easy to look at them like art objects rather than real life attraction. idk it sounds like you might be dealing with some compulsory heterosexuality and trying to force yourself to like guys when your gut is telling you otherwise.
SquashCat56: Yes they do. I'm bi, and while it's common for bi people to feel attraction differently to different genders (e.g. being instantly attracted to one gender but attraction to another taking longer), I don't find men repulsive. At worst, I'm neutral. You should probably dive into the fact that you feel disgusted or that they are "absolutely hideous" when looking at men. What does it make you feel and think, when does it happen, what does it do to you, do you think you like men beyond being drawn in by their personalities, etc. They are good questions to dive into to figure yourself out, especially if you're able to compare the answer to how you would answer the same questions about women.
Griz3lda: in my experience no. lesbians are absolutely rhapsodic about women.
Anxious_Paper_2342: When I dated men it was more for their personality. One of them I was genuinely attracted to but he did have a more feminine figure and had an amazing personality. But the others I more latched on to the idea of being with a good guy and my longest relationship of over 3 years just was not going anywhere and felt more like a good friendship. Their habits grossed me out completely. And I was not super attracted to them, then similarly to you, once I started dating women I found myself totally attracted to the women I was talking to, if not at first, physical attraction actually grew over time. There are some females I wouldn’t be attracted to, but overall that feeling surprised me a lot!!
TheoreticalButt: I think this isn't the right place to ask about straight women's attraction to men, lol. But when I was figuring out my own sexuality, it was something I started researching a lot. Believe it or not, (actually) straight and bi women are actually sexually drawn to men they find attractive, find them hot and want to do physical stuff with them and such. You should look on other subs when this question was asked, and keep in mind that a lot of "straight" women, might actually be one of us, and just hasn't realized yet.
Originally shared by Top_Librarian_2813 on r/latebloomerlesbians on August 9th, 2026 at 9:10 AM UTC.
