Actual Lesbians

Trans woman here, and unfortunately I absolutely dispise what I have down stairs... I've been traumatized in the past and just have extreme disphoria related to penises in general. My genitals repulse me... All penises repulse me... Even penis shaped dildos repulse me.... It's an immediate turn off.

I cannot afford bottom surgery in my third world country and my hate for my own genitals has been affecting my intimate life with my wife.

I try to make an effort to pleasure my wife and make her feel special but it seems almost impossible to let her do the same for me... I bearly let her touch me at this point and I feel like it's hurt her in some ways...

She knows about my own feelings and other than sex she is very happy. I just want to make our intimate life more special without being repulsed by the thought of myself...

I suppose this is more of a vent than actually asking for advice. But any ideas would be appreciated. Thank you everyone!

Some standout replies:

SpinachVast4696: i haven’t been in this situation but the first thing that comes to mind for me is that lesbian sex is so flexible. there are many things you can try to receive pleasure that hopefully could work for you such as nipple play, temperature play, massages, anal play, having sex with your bottoms on or something that makes you feel euphoric and sexy. maybe even trying some tribbing/humping/grinding/scissoring with your underwear on… that sounds really hot actually. these are just some ideas that came to mind for me.

DykeyLesbo: not transfem so I can't quite say what may feel good for you, but i think if you were to tuck, so theres no visual genitalia, and have her kind of stroke that over the tucking material you use, kinda like how someone would tease a cis woman overtop clothing. might be worth a shot? you could also maybe get a vibrating ring or buttplug(do they have those in vibrating?) smth to wear whilst tucking that she can control on her phone or with a remote. maybe even scissor whilst tucked, even if it doesn't get you off, id imagine it could help with dysphoria. basically, im trying to help, but don't have the same parts, so i may not be much help at all - but if any transfems/ trans women want to say this may work, thatd be great

X3uwunuzzles: i can definitely relate to how bottom dysphoria can interfere with your sex life, you’re definitely not alone. one way i’ve found i can be intimate with my gf is using a magic wand, sometimes letting her control it too which can be fun. maybe a non penis shaped strap could work? i personally love strapping even though i hate my built in equipment lol, but i know it’s not for everyone. just some ideas!

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I hate that I have to choose between myself and my loved ones’ happiness because whatever I choose I’ll be miserable

if I end up with a girl I’ll be myself but I won’t have any family or friends left and I would have to be careful when I go out w her since people hate queers

if I date a guy tho, everyone would be happy about it I could go out with him without fearing anything and even get compliments like « aw young love, how cute » from old ladies but I’ll just fucking hate myself and won’t be happy at all

I am disgusted by everything about the male body and anatomy and I literally can’t be in love with one even if I meet the best man alive and I fucking hate myself I just wish I was straight or at least a little bit bisexual, I swear if I was bisexual I would have never acted on my attraction to girls and probably would have been married at this point, I’ll never understand bi girls who choose to be in a lesbian relationship when you could have everyone be happy for you without feeling like you’re losing yourself since you actually are into men

I’m 20 and still feel like a disgusting monster, everyone says that it get better when you grow up but it feels like it’s the opposite for me, the more I grow, the more I hate being this way and cry myself to sleep, I just want to die but if I do I might go to hell because I already sinned anyway but I’m not ready for it yet so I’m just stuck

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Me and my girlfriend have been dating for a couple months now (yes, I realize now that that isn’t much time) and we’ve been getting along VERY well. We’ve both met each other’s parents, and she’s stayed over at my house a bunch of times.

The other day we were driving together, and I realized how badly I wanted to say I loved her. Last night I actually said it. And she didn’t feel the same way.

In my defense, I’ve never told anyone that first, and don’t have much relationship experience.

She said she’s fine and that I didn’t make things awkward, but I still feel so embarrassed and guilty. Like I’m rushing her into things. I don’t blame her at all, it was my fault. I’m just worried I hurt things between us.

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Walking away from a GENUINELY good man, a fantastic father, my best friend and soulmate in so many ways (just not sexually or romantically) since I was 15 years old. All in order to be true to who I am. It’s breaking my heart. There’s no abuse, there’s no infidelity, we’ve created an incredible life and finally had a baby after over a decade of infertility, and I can’t help but feel incredibly selfish (I know this is neither logical nor true) for blowing up our lives. I wish I had it in me to have kept quiet, kept the peace, kept things together for my best friend and my beautiful baby girl, but I can’t live this way. I don’t want to be at the end of my life, regretting that I never let myself live the life I was meant to live. I’ve known I was queer basically my entire life (I’m in my early 30’s) and he’s known since our first conversation. But I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that while I love him with my entire heart, I’m not sexually or romantically interested in men. I always thought it was “normal” or “typical” to feel the way I felt, but as they say, hindsight is 20/20 and after this light switched flipped for me, so many things make sense now. Watching his heart break is killing me. But he deserves someone who’s all in for him, and I deserve to live my life in an authentic way. This is no longer serving either of us. And unfortunately that means walking away from the only life I’ve ever known after almost 20 years. I feel so lost. If you made it this far, thank you for reading. I just had to get this out.

ETA: these are only my feelings, my guilt and my sentiments about myself and my relationship, I wouldn’t apply these sentiments to anyone else so take it all with a grain of salt 🖤

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Happy pride month, fellow lesbians! 🌈

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Remembering Stonewall

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These pictures are kinda awkward but I like them

Kinda like me🩷🩷

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shirt i made for pride

it’s not the best but i think it turned okay. ignore all the cat hair

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That says it all, really. Almost made me cry because she knows I haven’t been with a woman and I’m only just starting to figure things out. Just really validating to have her wish me that where I’m at.

So, to everyone else who is in an in-between, or something like it: happy pride month 🌈💗 (for fellow Canadians, at least—not sure of dates around the globe)

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doctors appointment fit

I have so many doctors appointments this week. It’s not even funny.😩

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If we are to be inclusive as a community, we need to meet bi women where they are, not where we want them to be

I recently saw a thread in this sub that I won't name where OP was a lesbian dating a bi woman. They, by all accounts, had an amazing, healthy relationship spanning 5 years with good communication. However, OP was a little insecure because, as a bi woman, her partner had made 2-3 comments over the course of years about how she missed having sex with men. OP wasn't offended, was just a little insecure, and seemed optimistic that she and her partner could get her partners' needs met.

To be clear, the girlfriend was not threatening to cheat, and OP didnt have the impression she would. She did joke about OP giving her a "hall pass," which was in poor taste maybe, but wasnt a threat to cheat. All seemed relatively normal and healthy.

However, all of the top comments were like "Omg get out of there that's not okay she's awful she's treating you terribly red flaggggg!!!!111 run away from that witch as fast as you cannn"

This bothers me. As a lesbian, I thought that story sounded very innocuous. Her partner wasn't abusing or mistreating her. She just was very occasionally craving the touch of a man and maybe making an inconsiderate joke or two about it. As a lesbian, I don't really get the desire for men, but I absolutely understand women are \*not\* men and I can appreciate a bi woman in a monogamous relationship on \*either\* side of the fence may occasionally feel longing to go play on the other side. I've heard of enough bi women with men craving being with a woman that it makes sense it would at times cut the other way. I don't think that's \*inherently\* problematic, and even if her girlfriend was making the odd joke in poor taste, OP didn't seem to either. But every top comment on that thread was all pitchforks and torches.

I see these types of feelings a lot in this sub. So many in this sub will insist biphobia doesn't exist here and then there will be a thread like that that really makes me wonder how bi women are supposed to believe that. I'm not a bi person so it's not my place to say if that is biphobia or not. But I think it's important we acknowledge that bi women aren't lesbians, even when in a sapphic monogamous relationship. They have their own experiences and needs, and that's okay! Whether or not we accept bi women here shouldn't hinge on them bottling their desires, fantasies, and needs for the sake of blending in with lesbians when they date women.

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I’m new here and it’s pride month so happy pride month to everyone

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I want someone to kiss me passionately, roam her hands over my body and eat me till I pass out 😩

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Where are the girls who likes gaming 😩🔥

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So I’ve recently decided I want to have more of a queer community. My straight friends are great but there are things they wouldn’t understand. But unfortunately most queer spaces in London are clubs/bars and those aren’t spaces I tend to go in my day to day life.

But being in any queer space I know the likelihood of there being another black Muslim hijabi that is queer will be there. But that’s fine as long as I’m welcomed open arms I don’t need us to have everything in common on interest in women is enough.

So recently I went to a LGBTQ+ Women+ cafe. Which firstly is great for me because I love cafes, and everyone there I assume is queer so there’s no explaining myself. First time I go it’s great! I’m enjoying my time, the owner is great and I’m surrounded by Queer people. But the second time I go, the barista doesn’t seem very warm. I say hello and she doesn’t respond so I say my order, she doesn’t say anything again I pay and sit down. When she brings over my drink she is looking down and places it without saying anything. She also gave me the wrong drink and normally I’d say something but the interaction was already off. ( don’t need her remaking my drink and doing something to it 😭)

I thought maybe it was her having a bad day which valid I get it. But then I see her interact with others and it’s a complete 360. I won’t lie and say I didn’t feel some type of way. Like I’m Muslim but guess what I can also be queer.

I deserve to be in these spaces! And I guess I’m now stuck on how to move forward. People assuming I’m straight, being in these spaces that are clearly for LGBTQ+ individuals and still being looked at like I don’t belong here.

But I guess if It wasn’t clear enough Muslim people can be Queer! And keep that in mind for when you decide to burn holes in my hijab.

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happy pride 🌈💋

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Four Non Blondes (original line up)

San Francisco, circa 1988 Photo by me

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