girl I’m seeing hasn’t kissed me after 5 dates/2 months, I’m thinking it’s time to move on but idk
I’ll keep it short, like the title says I’ve been seeing a girl for a couple months now, our dates have gone great and I was REALLY attracted to her at the start. But I’ve been noticing things during our dates that I just can’t ignore anymore, she never wants to be in any photos I take, she hasn’t tried making any moves, and tends to shy away from the moves I made (which was cute at first but now just feels like rejection) and so far the most I’ve been able to get from her is goodbye hugs. Now I made it clear when we first matched that I don’t fw situationships and she said she agrees, but I think we’ve entered situationship territory so now I’m wondering if it’s time to end this?
also she’s overseas right now so I’d feel bad dropping this over text, also she once said that a girl has ended things with her before specifically because she’s an international student who goes overseas a lot, and while this is NOT the reason I want to end things, I’m scared she’ll take it that way and I don’t want to do that to her, but she’s going to be gone for a month and I don’t want to wait that long
Fernie_the_grillman: just explain what you said in this post. if you like her, it might be worthwhile to ask her directly instead of just breaking up though. if you decide you want to just end things with her, be clear as to why, just say that you feel like she's not into you and that it feels like a situationship. even if it was because shes an international student, i think its fine to decide that a functionally medium distance/long distance relationship is not what you want. i do think its worthwhile to approach this from a curious spot rather than dictating to her what her feelings are. for all you know, she could be incorrectly picking up on something you're doing and worried that you're not actually into her. y'all communicated at the beginning, which is great. but you need to maintain that communication otherwise it's pointless. i think its fine to do it while shes gone BUT if its finals right now or finals are about to start, i think it could be best to wait until she's back. depends on how you want to go about that though, its not an inherently bad thing to break up while shes gone but you gotta weigh everything. i know this wasn't great direct advice but hopefully it gives you some options so you can decide what's best
Schrodingers_cat42: This is the kind of post that makes me uncertain about what to do in the future. I’m not the girl you’re dating, but I am someone who wants to take things slowly, taking the time to really get to know someone without getting intimate too quickly so it won’t cloud my judgment about them as a person. But people tend to move so fast in our community and I also don’t want anyone to feel like I’m not actually into them. My best bet (and maybe yours too) is probably communicating clearly about expectations, I guess.
Vegetable_Fan787: I agree with what others have said about communicating how you feel. I think it's perfectly valid to be feeling uneasy about the direction of things at this point given what you've described, and also to speak up about your feelings and needs. Her response (whether she's open to talking and can take feedback or gets defensive) will also give you information whether she's someone you want to continue pursuing a relationship with. It might open up a conversation and lead to both of you understanding each other better. Something that occurred to me was wondering whether the girl you're seeing could be demisexual or on the asexual spectrum and just needs a long time to feel comfortable with people and form a bond before getting physical. Also, if she's from a culture where being queer is not accepted, she may not be out and may be used to having to hide or may not have fully accepted it herself yet, which could also lead to being uncomfortable with photos or anything that feels too official. When she's not overseas, does she want to see you consistently? Does she seem interested in talking to you and is she still curious about you, your life, and remembers things you say? If she's reluctant to have physical contact after two months but those other things are a yes, then it could be something like that rather than a lack of interest. It's always ideal if someone is aware of this and communicates it up front to set expectations, but if she hasn't dated many people before or hasn't discovered herself yet she might not know. I didn't realize I was demi until after I dated someone who was as well and it just clicked. At the same time, if she is someone who needs a lot of time and you're someone whom physical affection matters more to, it could be an incompatibility and that's super reasonable as well. That all said, other things (esp the not wanting to be in pictures together, being away a lot making it hard to see each other consistently, and the fact that you're feeling a lack of progression in general) seem to me like indicators that she might not be available for the same thing that you want. It's great that youre paying attention to all of this and asking yourself whether this is right for you. If you try talking to her and still feel the same afterwards, I think it's fine to walk away. Also, I saw you're in Melbourne! That was where I was living when I dated my last ex. I was also feeling a lack of progression after a couple months and regret not expressing my needs more strongly and not ending things sooner, fwiw.
Reasonable_Net3302: I would send her a text and say something like you’ve been reflecting on your last dates and you think she’s not as interested in you as you are in her, so therefore you thibk you should both move on.
NotACaterpillar: This is the sort of thing that needs a conversation: talk to her, communicate, ask questions, understand her perspective. Be direct and straightforward. Then move on if you need/want to, but right now it seems like you're reading a lot between the lines and haven't sat down and talked about what is actually going on and where each of your heads are at.
Originally shared by Phsycicmelon on r/actuallesbians on July 5th, 2026 at 7:40 AM UTC.
