Actual Lesbians

i used to think i was just an ally lol

i was passionately marching to legalise gay marriage back in 2017 as an “ally”

….little did i know 👩🏽‍❤️‍💋‍👩🏼

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Guys I’m in a drought!!

I feel like I’ve read every recommended femme x butch/masc romance and I need some more! Especially if it has a good amount of spice!!

I love horror, fantasy, and historical tropes especially (gimme westerns!), but I’m not picky! I don’t mind books where romance isn’t the main plot (think Lucky Red).

Some books I’ve read and lovedddd (for those looking for recommendations):

One Last Stop Bloomtown Duology Feast While you Can Lucky Red (not a romance but it’s a main plot point) Backwards to Oregon The Roommate Arrangement Shifting Gears Red Rock Ranch

All recommendations are welcome so long as they’re well written! Thank you!

A few replies that stood out:

Playfulgirlcartier: Heart of Gold by L. Dreamer is very similar to Backward to Oregon and is also very good (Western period piece, think femmebutch during the gold rush) Breaking the Frame by Jazz Forrester (Brilliantly written, set in 1969 and follows a repressed, married woman who realises she’s gay and butch) Breakup Buddies by JJ Arias and Bryce Oakley (Two woman meet on a break up app and slowly fall become friends to lovers) Her Best Friend’s Sister by Meghan O’Brien (Literally a woman gets a chance with her long time crush who is also her best friend’s butch older sister) The Night Off by Meghan O’Brien (A woman books a night with a butch escort and the night was so good they keep seeing each other) A Touch of Temptation by Julie Blair (A sexually repressed spoilt law student takes a hiatus and moves next door to a butch landscaper) Make Room for Love by Darcy Liao (Trans, femme woman moves in with a butch electrician and they slowly fall in love. Lots of yearning) The standard “A Little Sin” and “Green-Eyed Monster” by Rawnie Sabor recommendation. (BDSM, Touch her and die kind of thing. Lots of spice, VERY good) Loser of the Year by Carrie Byrd (Chemistry between the two main characters is really good but it is also a coming to terms with sexuality) Houseswap 101 by Jaime Clevenger (Butch woman swaps houses for a bit with a divorced friend and ends up getting close to his ex wife)

Newnukeuser: I really loved Last to Leave the Room by Caitlin Starling. However it's more of a horror thriller than a romance. There's some romantic/sexual tension between the two main characters, but the state of their relationship at the end is ambiguous. It's about an asshole techbro(femme) who discovers a mysterious door in her basement where a doppelganger appears. The doppelganger begins to mess with her sanity, and the main character is trying to hide her fraying mental state from her manager(semi love interest) who is debating killing her to prevent any inconveniences to the company they work for. There is also the Oblivion Bride by the same author, and that one is a romance. It's about an heiress who is pressured into an arranged marriage after her entire family is wiped out from a curse. The hope is that her new wife can both break the curse and start a family with her so that her bloodline doesn't die out before the curse kills her too.

GentlewomenNeverTell: When They Burned the Butterfly baby! Aaaaand there's a sequel!

Ourconflictdesignsus: ugghhhhh bloom town was so good I will never stop talking about it

WanderingMinx: The Unbroken trilogy The Unspoken Name Duology Honorable mention for The Masqurade series by Seth Dickenson. Baru is a little masc disaster but none of her LI are really femme.

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my ex gf started acting distant like a month and a bit ago and told me to take a break the night she went to the girl she told me not to worry about house… broke up with me and told me that she wasn’t ready for a relationship and she’s not in the position to prioritize me. i suspected her cheating on me but she made all these lies and excuses saying she would never date her the whole time we were dating. blamed the break up over her being avoidant. 2 weeks after we broke up i found messages of her texting a friend that she wants to kiss the girl she told me not to worry about at her birthday party and was emotionally cheating on me the past 2 months when we were dating! a women’s intuition was always right… i knew something was going on in our entire relationship but i gave her the benefit of doubt which i blame myself for. sometimes people aren’t just avoidant, they just don’t like you lol… any advice or similar experiences from others so i can feel better ?

pls be nice!!!

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I am refusing to emotionally regulate others

One thing I’ve been working on is emotional regulation, but in the sense of realizing that someone else’s emotions aren’t mine to manage.

In the past, if I told someone I was only looking for friendship, and they responded with something like, “I must not be your type then,” I would’ve immediately jumped in to reassure them. I’d overexplain, apologize, and somehow end up comforting them for a boundary I had every right to set.

I’m not doing that anymore.

I’m learning that people are allowed to feel disappointed, but I’m not responsible for regulating those feelings and making them feel better. also this interaction just felt icky overall!

This has been one of the most freeing lessons I’ve learned while staying single. I’m choosing to let my words stand without carrying guilt that was never mine to begin with. I know this was a very small, more relaxed example, but it still very much fit.

EDIT: The only post I ever made into lesbian memes was about how I wanted local friends because I was pretty depressed about my break up and made It clear that I was not considering a relationship. 🙃

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Who says pride is over? 😛🏳️‍🌈✨

Just crafted this shirt and ready to wear this out for Pride 🙂

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I like a girl for the first time and it’s so overwhelming I keep trying to think of her and how I’d talk to her and what she’d say and how she’d laugh but I also thought about kissing and sex and how it would be. I am completely a virgin and just watched lesbian porn for the first time and did not like it.

I didn’t like the aggression and the too much watery stuff and the things they did that looked painful and all the bending. Is that how it truly is ? Whenever I thought about having sex with her I thought of kissing and telling her how beautiful she looks and being nice but I didn’t think it had to be rough , the things I saw were not appealing to me. I feel like it makes me less queer , am I supposed to enjoy it?

Notable replies:

Queen-of-Ruin: Most lesbian porn is made by men for men. And as such does not reflect reality at all.

CommitteeOdd4832: Absolutely. It generally sucks as it's not made by or for lesbians / Sapphics.

TrainingNail: No, you’re out /s

GlowingEmberSkull: Oh sweetie There are a lot of different types of porn. And lesbian porn is done in many different ways, for different audiences. There's the girl/girl stuff done for men that only want to see women. There's dom-sub stuff for people who need that kind of dynamic to get going. There are people who like poses and bending, people who like close-ups of nethers in action, people who are all about the lengerie and accessories. There's soft, gentle, cuddly stuff. Harsh aggressive stuff. And everything in between. The softer and more natural lesbian stuff tends to be home-made. Girlfriends who film their sexy time, then post it for thrills and cash. Edit to add: Also, not everyone is into porn at all. It's also totally OK to not really be into watching videos and just want to be 100% present with a girl you love.

Crabbapple79: Don't base what you see in p*rn as real life. P*rn is made to get views ans likes. It's rarely like real life. Your intimacy will be unique to you and your partner. P*rn is not for everyone that's okay! All that matters is how you feel about your potential intimate partner and the pace you need to go.

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Masc women appreciation!

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I've spent years trying to convince myself that what I felt wasn't real. I told myself I just hadn't met the right guy, that I was confused, that maybe I was just overthinking everything.

But no matter how much I tried to fit into what everyone expected, something always felt wrong.

Over time, I realized that the feelings I have for women are real, and they're not something I can ignore or explain away. Accepting that has been scary, but also incredibly freeing.

So, for the first time, I'm saying it out loud:

I'm a lesbian.

I'm still figuring things out, and I don't have everything sorted. I'm nervous about what comes next and how people in my life might react. But I'm tired of hiding from myself.

If anyone else is reading this and questioning their sexuality, know that you're not alone. You don't have to have all the answers today. Be patient with yourself.

Thanks for reading. It feels good to finally be honest.

A few notable replies:

ThatsUh_dam_shame69: What a wonderful freeing feeling it is, welcome to the beginning of the rest of your life!

Cricri3172: Well I will do it for u

Number-one-jew: Hell yah

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Sick of AI on dating apps

This is the second woman I've caught using ChatGPT to converse on a dating app this week. If you can't hold a conversation without AI, you shouldn't be dating.

The only sign of a personality she showed is when she got offended. Bullet dodged.

Edit: I often say someone's name back to them the first time I meet them (irl and online) and I guess it can kind of sound like I'm using AI too. These were my genuine thoughts.

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hey gays check out my phone case

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My girlfriend and I are coming up on our one year anniversary. Quite frankly I am very sure that she is the woman I am going to marry, and I want to propose to her, but I know that only a year might be a short time... but hear me out.

We both share similar ideas for the future, but before I proposed I would have a serious conversation with her about marriage, careers, the future, etc. We've already basically done that though, we share the same feelings on kids, aspirations, politics, life goals, here we see ourselves in 5 or 10 years, etc. I know those things can change but that's also part of figuring out a relationship & marriage imo.

We've also had a handful of "arguments" (literally 2 lol) and we resolved them quickly and calmly and haven't held hard feelings for more than a day. Generally speaking our relationship is very open and honest.

Anyway... I would still love to hear opinions or questions.

Highlights from the comments:

TwoTrucksPayingTaxes: The questions I would ask: how old are you two? If you're like, 20 / 21 I would wait a bit. Things change quickly at that age. If you're like, mid 30s that makes more sense to me. Have you lived together yet? If not, I would do that first. Things can change in a big way when you move in with someone. Are you planning a long engagement or are you getting married quickly? A long engagement can be a nice middle ground.

SnooRabbits981: Mmmm, IMO if this is the woman you are going to marry, what is the rush? If you are under 25 I’d strongly encourage you wait to actually get married until after that. People change drastically in their early 20s and who you are now could look incredibly different by then.

Outrageous_Pattern46: We've also had a handful of "arguments" (literally 2 lol) and we resolved them quickly and calmly and haven't held hard feelings for more than a day. Generally speaking our relationship is very open and honest. This may sound like a good sign but it's not necessarily one. Neither of you know how you'll be with a problem that isn't easy to solve.

Public_Dimension_916: In my 20s I thought all 3 women I dated for way longer than a year were “the one” and totally would have married them. Guess what… they were not the one and I didn’t meet the real one until my 30s. Don’t get married until you are both done with school and settled in careers. You have no idea who someone will grow up to be.

Rmtime: One year seems like a long time, but it isn't. At least not enough to know someone well enough to marry them. I think you're going too fast and marriage is something people should only do after 3 years (or at least after 2 years of living together), but you do you.

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Some comments that stood out:

Mushroommommy69: The paying guests by sarah waters

National-Manner2869: I feel like this is literally every sapphic book 😭

Fun_Jellyfish_9981: I haven't read it, and may not fully be what you wanted because there's an added complication. A Family Affair by Harper Bliss is about a woman connecting with her sister-in-law.

Weberm70: Almost Life The Price of Salt -- though the actual marriage is basically over

Sea-Interesting: Big Swiss by Jen Beagin

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I’m trying dating apps again (f21) and oh my god. Half of these men don’t look like they wash their hair. Or they have that benson Boone mustache that does NOT look good on everyone, and there’s crumbs in it sometimes. Or it’s a mirror selfie with crusty stuff on the mirror. The lack of basic hygiene I’m seeing is what’s most alarming. Almost every woman I see is beautiful in some capacity. Nearly single one I’m like “awww she’s cute, I bet she smells nice too”. I feel like the bar for taking care of yourself as a man is in hell compared to what women are expected to do. And because of that, most men I see are ugly to me. I see potential in a lot of them but I don’t want to date for potential.

What people on Reddit said:

Local_lesbian_barber: Both.

Aryore: A lot of guys think self grooming is gay (and a lot of straight girls think it’s gay for guys to do it too…) there was even a word for it for a while, metrosexual

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Let’s see those “baby lesbian” pictures!

I had this picture show up in my memories from 7 years ago! I know when I first came out, I went through what some call the “baby gay” phase. I was extremely excited to finally be who I am, but let’s just say I had some growing pains. 😅 If you’ve been through that phase, please share! Also, I’m pretty much just a Reddit lurker and don’t post much on here, so correct me if I’m not doing this right.

First pic: sophomore year of HS 2019 Second pic: Junior year of college 2026

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Uh...so, I've always enjoyed watching lesbian p#rn but thought I just liked boobs. Which made me always question how much I actually do like women. Last night I watched a woman performing oral and the way I NEEDED that to be me. 🥵

I don't think it will ever happen for me but I really wish I had realized earlier in life that this is who I am.

How do you cope?

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Terfs wish they could be a pretty girl, like me! ☺️

Terfs/men wish they could have pretty women in their life 🤭

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So, I'd like to read anything where a villain (or antagonist, or villain-coded) gets the girl, but shes the one more submissive? Like, bottoms, or subs, or just their romantic dynamic.

Notable replies:

Sadie1525: Tryst Six Venom by Penelope Douglas — Bully romance where the bully is submissive in their relationship.

Keroppi_Troublemaker: A Whisper of Solace

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