Actual Lesbians

i mean after the most acute period of grief and transition is over? when you settle into the new normal? do you feel happier? freer? more yourself?

am contemplating initiating that transition stage- divorce and hard conversations. i could use some perspective on if life really gets better after. thanks <3

Some replies worth sharing:

Barbiegirl99999: just blew up my life (as in last night) to initiate the transition stage. also very interested in hearing responses to this. but I can tell you: in the immediate aftermath, muddled with all the immense grief and pain, for him and for me, there is still so much relief. there is so much truth. there is so much hope and excitement and authenticity in a way i could not have experienced before. while there are obviously lingering what ifs, it feels so immensely right. your intuition speaks to you when you know you need to make a choice, and that inner voice also sees you through. in a way, i have never been more alone - i have gone from a parents home, to living at uni, to living with a friend, to my life with him. most of that spanned our relationship. i have never been on my own, decoupled from either parents or a partner. but i also have never felt so seen, cared for, or held in a community. the way my friends and family have encircled me to support through this has been… i don’t have words. just to say that if you have fears of being alone and what that could look like, love and support and care can come from other sources, and also yourself. so in sum, in the immediate aftermath, it’s hard and complicated. but it also feels so deeply right.

Majestic_Pizza_8494: Ended a 7 year relationship august last year and since then I have discovered an entire new world and experienced a whole new level of happiness and love and intimacy. Following your heart will never not pay off!! You owe it to yourself to stay true to yourself. What comes with that is worth it all!!!

Hehewutithewarrior: Life absolutely gets better with every choice you make that leads you towards your truest self. I came out 4.5 years ago. In that time, I had a hysterectomy, moved halfway across the country, married a woman, divorced a woman (she was a severe alcohoic who was sober when we met but relapsed halfway into our marriage), decided being single is the best choice for me (way less drama), got my masters degree, started my career after grad school, rekindled a friendship with my (male) ex i was with when I came out as lesbian (it's healthy), and went no contact with my entire (narcissistic) family. All good changes, all stemmed from making the next right choice, which was to come out and live authentically.

Verybadgay: Honestly, I was going to go into details about how and why I’m happier now but it doesn’t matter and your ideal might look different. Yes, for me it is a million times better. It was hard at first but 100% worth it to be on the other side.

Banana_pancakesss: Over a year divorced, almost 2 years separated from my husband. Can confirm that it gets better! I've never felt real attraction like what I had with my first girlfriend! Literally changed my life! Anddddd my first wlw breakup also changed my life 😭 but I am dating again and am so comfortable being with women. I have none of the anxiety and repulsion from when I was with guys. Way less fear of finding myself in a manipulative/abusive relationship. I also just have better intuition in general! The one part I struggle with is still being worried about judgement and hate crimes when I'm out in public. I live in a small Republican town though. In the bigger city near me, I feel very accepted and have enjoyed being part of the queer community there! Best of luck 🧡

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I marked this as NSFW because it has to do with dating and self harm scars.

I have known I was a lesbian since I was very young but was afraid of dating until I was in college. I dated a little in high school but kept it secret to pretty much everyone. I bottled everything up inside and I ended up in some dark places with anorexia and self harm.

I’ve been recovered for several years but I am never sure when to tell a woman that I am dating about my mental health issues. I don’t have a lot of visible scars but I also am long past the point where I try to hide them. I generally wear sleeveless dresses so some of the scars on my arm are visible when I go on dates. I am happy to answer anything that my date asks about the scars but I also don’t point them out on the first few dates.

I am wondering if anyone has any advice on when and how to tell someone I am dating about the scars and mental health issues. I don’t want to be the girl who spends the whole date talking about my mental health issues and life story. I find it easy to talk about if my date asks but if they don’t ask after a couple dates it can get very awkward (at least for me). Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Here are some replies:

Unasbasheddyke: I also have visible scarring due to mental health struggles but I'm fairly recovered. Inot sure how helpful it will because so many things affect different experiences. I have found it healthiest not bring it up for my own personal reasons and if someone notices or asks, I find it helpful for me personally to tell people that you are safe but don't want to talk about your scars. Hopefully that boundary will be respected.

Familiar_Ferret_2188: I don't have scars but I have noticed them on lovers (3) . I've seen some that have them semi covered with tattoos or totally covered and told me about them later. And some women have scars and no tattoos- it hasn't ever stopped me from dating the person. I'm specifically talking about healed scars. I don't have experience dating someone with open wounds. I've also noticed eating disorders in lovers- life is rough, people cope the best they can. I've never mentioned a scar - and it hasn't ever stopped stopping me. I'm mid aged so my perspective is probably different than someone that's 24. I generally feel like life happens and we do the best we can and we all have scars, it's just that some are "invisible". There's makeup that covers tattoos if you're self conscious- depending on the location but I don't think it will automatically disqualify you from dating. Hope that helps. Hang in there life gets better with time.

Born-Employment-4906: Honestly I know very few gay ppl that DONT have self harm scars at this point. Everyone has a story so just get to know each other. I wouldn’t share this with someone who doesn’t care so take time just hanging out a while

Alwaysonmyspine: I’ve been scared of my scars my whole life. I have dermatilomania which means I pick my own skin and every woman I’ve been with only cares that I’m okay. Warn them about the scars if you feel the need or know they’ll be exposed, but let them know you’re working through it on your own or in therapy and that it isn’t a subject you want to dwell on too much. I’ve found most don’t care about scars.

Pocaechi: My girlfriend and I met on tinder and before we met irl I sent her pictures of my body, because I was overweight and didn’t want to feel like I was misleading her. She sent me pictures of her self harm scars, which are very large and obvious on her thighs. She told me that she found them disgusting and that she would understand if they put me off her. That was two years ago almost, and I’ve never ever looked at her body and thought anything but that I’m lucky she shares it with me. She is beautiful and I’m sure you are too, OP.

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Que tipo de lésbicas vocês são?

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Xmen fanart of Emma Frost x Jean Grey by rombutan

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Some of the skills I’m hoping to learn how to do:

Baking Home Milling Flour Cheese making Making pickles/kimchi Making jam Brewing wine at home Crochet Sewing Jewelry making Homelabbing Building PCs Coding Linux Cybersecurity Prepping Zero-Waste Sustainability Home recycling/Upcycling Gardening Raising chickens one day?

My realization:

Damn, I’d probably be a tradwife if I weren’t so gay

Here are some replies:

Internetzspacezshipz: Idk if I would call building PCs/homelabbing/coding/linux/cybersecurity tradwife stuff lmao. That being said, all of those things are stuff I love.

Ace-writer: No, your knowing more about computers than the average man disqualifies you. As would the ability to use a screwdriver. That's man's work. And I think you're supposed to view computers as the magic box you can use to inflict your religion on others, but be careful it's full of sin. It does, however, make the overall list much sexier. Keep at it. get you a girl who does the woodworking, candle-and-soap making, and maybe metal working, since i think that's the top stuff you're not doing yet.

Olderwomanluvrr: WAIT cause I wanna learn most of these too

Busy_Arachnid_7411: I think that’s the same thing as me wanting to learn carpentry bc I wanna build my own house😭

ChiralWolf: We need to figure out how to do tradwives but without the trad and double the wives

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So as the title says, I'm one of those weirdos who has a moderate sex drive and I love when I'm making out and having sex but I can't stand being horny and having to take care of things myself. I can't convince myself to jumping into flings and rely on a strong connection to even get physical with someone. I wait until I cant take it anymore before I actually masturbate just so I can finish faster and be done with it. It feels good but gives nowhere near the same satisfaction. Anyone else feel this way or similar? If so, how do you handle things?

What people on Reddit said:

Kitty_whipt: Self-care should never feel like a chore.

Nousernams: I totally feel you on the cant stand being horny and having to take care of it myself thing. Its never as fulfilling as when someone else takes care of it and most of the time its just frusturating to be horny all the time and cant/dont get any because you want an emotional connection with someone first. Its like you masturbate just to make the feeling go away for a little bit just to have it come back 3 days later 🫩

Mostlydozy: Sometimes I look forward to masturbation 🤷‍♀️

4Women: Ahhh nooo. More like a much needed release.. a breath of fresh air😅

-Rocket_Queen-: Glad to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. It drives me crazy. 😭

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What people on Reddit said:

Round_Cartographer_8: I don’t know, there were a lot of times where I swore a woman was a lesbian, and she definitely was not. Gaydar isn’t reliable these days. You can’t even judge off of appearances because I’ve seen conservative women with buzz cuts and pixie cuts, and they act semi-masculine. The only way you can tell nowadays is if a woman directly tells you she’s gay. You can’t just judge based off of how someone looks that’s dumb.

Strict-Jacket9687: Maybe weird, I normally dont find straight girls attractive

AbsoluteArbiter: they dont perform for men. they do something or dress or act a way that doesnt align with male standards of women i guess

Thetinybunny1: We need to go back to the old handkerchief code lol

Large_Friendship5632: If she is having just as strong a reaction I am having to her and it's obvious. lol.

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I am almost done with Midnight Rain by Haley Cass. And the early scene where >!Charlotte finds out the woman she gave up (Darling Sutton) was just married!< has to be one of the most well written and well narrated and acted scenes of lost love, deep regret, and devastation i have ever read. I could feel the pain, and I can’t stop thinking about it.

wow.

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So, I'm 63, I'm coming out to myself. I was on the lesbian scene for some years when I was younger. I couldnt commit sexually, due to a history of sexual trauma I didn't realise how i was being affected and assumed i wasn't gay, or pretty much anything, i just stayed single so im still pretty inexperienced with 'the full' lesbian experience. I've slowly been coming to terms with a lot over the past few years and honestly, im hoping i havnt left things too late.

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This might make me sound like a total pick me, but being called cute is so rewarding to hear from women.

It makes me unreasonably happy when women find my random corks or actions cute it like actively rewires my brain. sometimes it heavily influences the way I act around them if i know they'll point it out.

I am not ashamed at all to admit i definitely have a praise kink of some kind but i never being called cute out of all things would be what really points it out considering i used to hate when my ex called me it.

But now there's just something about a woman noticing something about you and finding it so fascinating that she not only points it out but finds it adorable and amusing at the same damn time that makes me actively want to explode.

Platonically or romantically it has the same effect in different fonts.

Maybe I like it so much because as a masc I'm used to people assuming I'd rather be called something like hot or handsome rather than cute or beautiful?

I don't know, all I know is people who voice when they find things they like about me are amazing and I hope both sides of their pillow stay cold forever.

Tell me your thoughts and experiences!

Some replies that stood out:

Pinksunset777: As a babyface adult, I personally do not like being called cute/adorable lol But I'll remember to call some of the masc in my life cute from now, unless they too are babyfaced lol

Jmona789: It can depend on who's saying it but for the most part I love it!

Superr_rad: I like being called cute by anyone, I’m almost in my 30s and I don’t see it changing lol. Ive been told I have endearing qualities and I really like that term for myself because I like staying on the whimsy side Wait I said anyone but I don’t want to hear anything from men

NobodySpecial2000: I am cute, so it's only just that people recognise that and praise me as such.

Deadhead_girlie: I would love to be called cute, but I don't think I ever have lol. I'm pretty tall with sharp features, I dress pretty fem and get called "beautiful" a lot but I don't think "cute" ever comes to people's minds when they look at me.

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Me (31F) and my fiancés (34F) engagement just ended after 4 years together. She decided out of nowhere she didn’t want to be together and has totally just discarded me. We lived together in a big city and I had to quit my job and move back home with my parents. Now I’m in a small conservative town I have no friends in with no queer community anywhere near. This is the worst heartbreak of my life and it’s really hard feeling like I’m starting my life over in my 30’s with no money or friends, especially no queer community. If anyone has advice, been through the same, or just wants to be friends I’d love that. I’m really drowning right now.

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35 and Dating

Dating gets harder the older I get. I am also in the south (US) where it’s not AS acceptable. (Still!)

Anyone want to just skip the apps and get into the DMs?

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I recently ended a relationship with the only woman I’ve got to Dom. I really enjoyed it, and I’m sad it’s over. However, it did teach me that I’m not very into casual, I much prefer a deeper connection. The thing is, I’m worried I won’t be as sexually compatible with other women, I have a fairly high sex drive. I’m curious if once I start dating again if it’ll be hard to find someone who is compatible with my sexual desires (I’m a dom verse so I’d like a sub verse)

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Edit: By Elle Alexanda

Just finished the best book I've read in weeks. I felt like I was on a streak of average to DNF books until I started this one. Being a musician and music lover, I could really relate to Catherine, but being an intellectual with a casual vibe, I could totally relate to Theo.

But, even better than the characters, I loved the imagery in the writing. When the author describes body language, looks, reactions, emotions...I could see them and sometimes found my body mimicking what I read (the way she described releasing a breath or letting tension out of the shoulders).

There was only one spicy scene, but I thought it was beautiful.

I tend to read to clear my mind, often multitasking while reading and just skimming along but not really absorbing. With this book, I found myself reading slowly and deliberately, sometimes reading a particularly good line multiple times just to savor it.

If you've read it, feel free to share your thoughts. If you haven't, I highly recommend it.

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When I’m doing it, it feels sooo right. When my girl is laying there naked, looking so gorgeous all I can think about is making her feel good.

There’s people out there that will say that’s “wrong” but how could it be? What’s so “wrong”? I think it’s wrong they’ve never experienced the pure ecstasy I feel when our clits line up perfectly together and we both just get lost in the feeling. It might be wrong that we kiss so hard that the insides of our lips are bruised the next morning. Or maybe it’s wrong that we started on the left side of the bed and ended up on the floor because the sheets are soaked.

It can’t be wrong when it comes so naturally between us. When we get so wet for each other that we have to wipe it up with a towel. When I’m looking up at her and I can even feel her pleasure When we switch positions so effortlessly and look up and it’s 3am, we started at 11?

What people on Reddit said:

No-Trust-2720: It's strictly because of religious indoctrination. If they didn't beat their bible so much, ALOT more gay sex would be happening. I mean, in Ancient Greece it was perfectly acceptable social behavior.

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I haven't had any sexual experiences but..I just wanna know with proper detail. Cuz I only feel more aroused when I do it on my clit. So like idk if I would be aroused if they go for my vagina. I mean I've tried to do it to self, but it really isn't..enjoyable much.

I wanna know if anyone had any similar experiences and if it actually felt good.

A few replies that stood out:

SlothZoomies: I don't feel anything when I do it to myself, but if they're good with their fingers... I feel everything 🫠 But it really depends on the woman... We're all a little different

PotatoPlayerFever: the fun part is not knowing, whats the next move of the person doing it .. its a warm, exciting, heart pumping feeling

Kittaylover23: i mean it’s bette than by yourself bc you don’t get a wrist cramp and the angle is better

DaisyChained427: Some bodies prefer some stimulation over others. If it’s not enjoyable to do on yourself it prob won’t be enjoyable when another person does it. Of course, once you start having those experiences things may change

Anonymous9845: I personally don’t experience anything from penetration. I kind of wish I did at times, but I do not. Don’t worry though, it won’t impede your sexual life too much. Just express that to any future partners and as long as they’re decent human beings, they’ll respect that.

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Lesbians On Bicycles

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