Actual Lesbians

Who says pride is over? 😛🏳️‍🌈✨

Just crafted this shirt and ready to wear this out for Pride 🙂

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I like a girl for the first time and it’s so overwhelming I keep trying to think of her and how I’d talk to her and what she’d say and how she’d laugh but I also thought about kissing and sex and how it would be. I am completely a virgin and just watched lesbian porn for the first time and did not like it.

I didn’t like the aggression and the too much watery stuff and the things they did that looked painful and all the bending. Is that how it truly is ? Whenever I thought about having sex with her I thought of kissing and telling her how beautiful she looks and being nice but I didn’t think it had to be rough , the things I saw were not appealing to me. I feel like it makes me less queer , am I supposed to enjoy it?

Notable replies:

Queen-of-Ruin: Most lesbian porn is made by men for men. And as such does not reflect reality at all.

CommitteeOdd4832: Absolutely. It generally sucks as it's not made by or for lesbians / Sapphics.

TrainingNail: No, you’re out /s

GlowingEmberSkull: Oh sweetie There are a lot of different types of porn. And lesbian porn is done in many different ways, for different audiences. There's the girl/girl stuff done for men that only want to see women. There's dom-sub stuff for people who need that kind of dynamic to get going. There are people who like poses and bending, people who like close-ups of nethers in action, people who are all about the lengerie and accessories. There's soft, gentle, cuddly stuff. Harsh aggressive stuff. And everything in between. The softer and more natural lesbian stuff tends to be home-made. Girlfriends who film their sexy time, then post it for thrills and cash. Edit to add: Also, not everyone is into porn at all. It's also totally OK to not really be into watching videos and just want to be 100% present with a girl you love.

Crabbapple79: Don't base what you see in p*rn as real life. P*rn is made to get views ans likes. It's rarely like real life. Your intimacy will be unique to you and your partner. P*rn is not for everyone that's okay! All that matters is how you feel about your potential intimate partner and the pace you need to go.

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Masc women appreciation!

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I've spent years trying to convince myself that what I felt wasn't real. I told myself I just hadn't met the right guy, that I was confused, that maybe I was just overthinking everything.

But no matter how much I tried to fit into what everyone expected, something always felt wrong.

Over time, I realized that the feelings I have for women are real, and they're not something I can ignore or explain away. Accepting that has been scary, but also incredibly freeing.

So, for the first time, I'm saying it out loud:

I'm a lesbian.

I'm still figuring things out, and I don't have everything sorted. I'm nervous about what comes next and how people in my life might react. But I'm tired of hiding from myself.

If anyone else is reading this and questioning their sexuality, know that you're not alone. You don't have to have all the answers today. Be patient with yourself.

Thanks for reading. It feels good to finally be honest.

A few notable replies:

ThatsUh_dam_shame69: What a wonderful freeing feeling it is, welcome to the beginning of the rest of your life!

Cricri3172: Well I will do it for u

Number-one-jew: Hell yah

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Sick of AI on dating apps

This is the second woman I've caught using ChatGPT to converse on a dating app this week. If you can't hold a conversation without AI, you shouldn't be dating.

The only sign of a personality she showed is when she got offended. Bullet dodged.

Edit: I often say someone's name back to them the first time I meet them (irl and online) and I guess it can kind of sound like I'm using AI too. These were my genuine thoughts.

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hey gays check out my phone case

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My girlfriend and I are coming up on our one year anniversary. Quite frankly I am very sure that she is the woman I am going to marry, and I want to propose to her, but I know that only a year might be a short time... but hear me out.

We both share similar ideas for the future, but before I proposed I would have a serious conversation with her about marriage, careers, the future, etc. We've already basically done that though, we share the same feelings on kids, aspirations, politics, life goals, here we see ourselves in 5 or 10 years, etc. I know those things can change but that's also part of figuring out a relationship & marriage imo.

We've also had a handful of "arguments" (literally 2 lol) and we resolved them quickly and calmly and haven't held hard feelings for more than a day. Generally speaking our relationship is very open and honest.

Anyway... I would still love to hear opinions or questions.

Highlights from the comments:

TwoTrucksPayingTaxes: The questions I would ask: how old are you two? If you're like, 20 / 21 I would wait a bit. Things change quickly at that age. If you're like, mid 30s that makes more sense to me. Have you lived together yet? If not, I would do that first. Things can change in a big way when you move in with someone. Are you planning a long engagement or are you getting married quickly? A long engagement can be a nice middle ground.

SnooRabbits981: Mmmm, IMO if this is the woman you are going to marry, what is the rush? If you are under 25 I’d strongly encourage you wait to actually get married until after that. People change drastically in their early 20s and who you are now could look incredibly different by then.

Outrageous_Pattern46: We've also had a handful of "arguments" (literally 2 lol) and we resolved them quickly and calmly and haven't held hard feelings for more than a day. Generally speaking our relationship is very open and honest. This may sound like a good sign but it's not necessarily one. Neither of you know how you'll be with a problem that isn't easy to solve.

Public_Dimension_916: In my 20s I thought all 3 women I dated for way longer than a year were “the one” and totally would have married them. Guess what… they were not the one and I didn’t meet the real one until my 30s. Don’t get married until you are both done with school and settled in careers. You have no idea who someone will grow up to be.

Rmtime: One year seems like a long time, but it isn't. At least not enough to know someone well enough to marry them. I think you're going too fast and marriage is something people should only do after 3 years (or at least after 2 years of living together), but you do you.

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Some comments that stood out:

Mushroommommy69: The paying guests by sarah waters

National-Manner2869: I feel like this is literally every sapphic book 😭

Fun_Jellyfish_9981: I haven't read it, and may not fully be what you wanted because there's an added complication. A Family Affair by Harper Bliss is about a woman connecting with her sister-in-law.

Weberm70: Almost Life The Price of Salt -- though the actual marriage is basically over

Sea-Interesting: Big Swiss by Jen Beagin

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I’m trying dating apps again (f21) and oh my god. Half of these men don’t look like they wash their hair. Or they have that benson Boone mustache that does NOT look good on everyone, and there’s crumbs in it sometimes. Or it’s a mirror selfie with crusty stuff on the mirror. The lack of basic hygiene I’m seeing is what’s most alarming. Almost every woman I see is beautiful in some capacity. Nearly single one I’m like “awww she’s cute, I bet she smells nice too”. I feel like the bar for taking care of yourself as a man is in hell compared to what women are expected to do. And because of that, most men I see are ugly to me. I see potential in a lot of them but I don’t want to date for potential.

What people on Reddit said:

Local_lesbian_barber: Both.

Aryore: A lot of guys think self grooming is gay (and a lot of straight girls think it’s gay for guys to do it too…) there was even a word for it for a while, metrosexual

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Let’s see those “baby lesbian” pictures!

I had this picture show up in my memories from 7 years ago! I know when I first came out, I went through what some call the “baby gay” phase. I was extremely excited to finally be who I am, but let’s just say I had some growing pains. 😅 If you’ve been through that phase, please share! Also, I’m pretty much just a Reddit lurker and don’t post much on here, so correct me if I’m not doing this right.

First pic: sophomore year of HS 2019 Second pic: Junior year of college 2026

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Uh...so, I've always enjoyed watching lesbian p#rn but thought I just liked boobs. Which made me always question how much I actually do like women. Last night I watched a woman performing oral and the way I NEEDED that to be me. 🥵

I don't think it will ever happen for me but I really wish I had realized earlier in life that this is who I am.

How do you cope?

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Terfs wish they could be a pretty girl, like me! ☺️

Terfs/men wish they could have pretty women in their life 🤭

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So, I'd like to read anything where a villain (or antagonist, or villain-coded) gets the girl, but shes the one more submissive? Like, bottoms, or subs, or just their romantic dynamic.

Notable replies:

Sadie1525: Tryst Six Venom by Penelope Douglas — Bully romance where the bully is submissive in their relationship.

Keroppi_Troublemaker: A Whisper of Solace

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Where them lesbians at?

I work in retail communications (B2B) but currently looking for a new job.

A few replies that stood out:

Wbsgw: I'm a nanny and I draw pet portraits.

DemonicGirlcock: Game developer at a AAA studio, but currently working to move into 3d animation.

Losonti: I work for a labor union.

Chicanatifa: Data analyst

Dizzy-Captain7422: Licensed alcohol and drug counselor.

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My newly transitioning partner (life partner not romantic anymore) keeps giving me pushback when I'm saying I'm a lesbian because I still think some guys are good looking. It feels like an attraction to their aesthetic and their looks. But not actual attraction. Like I don't get turned on. I just really like what some men look like. But have no interest in dating them or sexual feelings.

I'm just really frustrated because she keeps just denying my lesbian identity bc she says I havent deconstructed enough yet. Like I'm genuinely sick of people telling me who I am or not because "I haven't deconstructed, once you do you might not be penis averse and lesbian" like hello?! Isn't it my choice and decision on who I am and want to be?

She says "you don't choose, you just are" well if I'm saying I'm a lesbian then why does anyone outside of me get to decide im wrong??

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So my girlfriend and I recently went on vacation, and I brought the new strap I bought from Midoko (it was the beginner one 😭). We’ve been talking about trying it for a while, and we finally got the chance.

For context, I’m the top and she’s the bottom, so I’m the one wearing it. When things started heating up, she asked me to use it. It was our first time, so we really didn’t know what to expect. 😭 I went slowly at first, and we used lube too, but she said it really hurt. She still insisted that we keep going, so I tried, but it was still painful for her, so I stopped using it. We just continued without it. Later on, she asked if we could try again, so we did. This time we tried doggy style because we thought it might be better. Same thing, we used lube to make it easier. I think I only managed around 10 thrusts before she said it still hurt a lot, so we stopped again and continued without it.

Then, for the third time (😭), we wanted to try again. This time I lay down while she sat on it, thinking that maybe she’d have more control. We tried that position too, but she still said it was painful, so I just fingered her while she was in that position instead.

My question is: what went wrong? I’ve watched videos on how to do it, so I’m wondering if maybe the one I bought just isn’t that good? Any advice on where I can buy a strap-on that’s actually good? 😭 It’s our anniversary next month, and we want to try again. She also suggested that I buy a different one. Huhu, I need some help.

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I’m confused, I’m on the dating app her in sapphic mode and trans men show up in my feed. The local sapphic scene also allows trans men at their events. By definition: "Sapphic" refers to any woman or woman-aligned person who is romantically, sexually, or emotionally attracted to other women. Help me understand how or why trans men fit into that category in a kind way. Please don’t hate on trans men or me for being confused, I’m just genuinely at a loss by this.

Some replies worth sharing:

Luluciee: I think it's because many trans men existed in lesbian spaces, as masc people, before they realised they were trans. Some still identify with the community, so they get included. For others, it's dysphoric to still have that label. Everyone's a little different, and have different needs and preferences.

Canary-King: Her had to allow all men (including cis guys iirc) to be on their platform to avoid discrimination lawsuits. It sucks. I can’t speak for all trans men, or really any trans men since I’m not one, but I am a genderfluid lesbian on T. When I’m in those more masculine shifts though, my masculinity is more butch-adjacent than cishet guy adjacent, and calling myself a straight guy would feel wrong even if calling myself a “guy” doesn’t feel wrong. Not all trans men are considered sapphic though. Only those who wish to identify that way!

DemonicGirlcock: There's a bunch of articles and books on this subject, but basically trans men have been part of the lesbian community pretty much forever. There's some historical records back to the late 1800s in the US of it. Just kinda comes down to any form of queerness and gender fuckery was ostracized by hetero culture and even cis gay culture. So gender queer, nonbinary, and trans men & women were all part of lesbian communities. There was also just a lot more of people pushing the boundaries of presentation without being trans. All very loosey goosey chaotic queerness. A lot of it just stems from patriarchy, where society in function is split into two groups: cis men and everybody else. And so that just continues into the current culture where we accept trans men in lesbian spaces if they want to be.

Baltering097: I feel like wlw spaces tend to be more open (which is a good thing!) and inclusivity-minded than other queer spaces (such as those aimed at gay men — sure, there's some non-gay men that use Grindr, but they're in the minority in comparison to non-women on HER). Historically, there has often been an overlap between trans men and lesbian identities. Also, many people realize that they're trans later in life, but were invested in the lesbian community beforehand.

Sharkc00chie: Trans men sometimes feel aligned with “woman” experiences. Sometimes they also really don’t. Personally I think trans people have so few spaces for them that we should just let them choose and let them be

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