Actual Lesbians

I like to sleep in a long Tee shirt only

Some notable replies:

Sefuf: !gif

SecretBad9546: Naked

BeckyRoyal: Same, undies and long tshirt

Decimonster: If I'm by myself, some super comfortable, grandma-looking nightgown.

Nadiiinez: only panties

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Doing my part 🫡

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Ive tried taimi which is.... eh and no one was on Her in my area

Are there any out there other than those two?

EDIT:

I also live in the south so maybe thats a big part of it 3

Most of the other dating apps like bumble and hinge have very little sapphics in my area

But ill try again 😔

A few notable replies:

Youandyourfijiwater: They’re all terrible 😭

Hotpink_123: With all the love of the world and after trying all of them, none 💓💓

Pollutantgirl: As a bi trans woman people don’t read they just swipe but I did find my partner on bumble. Dating apps suck but sometimes you strike gold. Taimi was a hell hole of old men sending me dick pics, bumble was a mess of women trying to find a 3rd for their bf and them, tinder was a nightmare of men and women who wouldn’t meet in public, and hinge I matched with people but never met/talked to more than a quick surface level convo. Bumble seemed to have the best luck but I had to pay the sub to talk with anyone seriously. It’s kind of crap out there but you can find someone just keep at it! Think of it as the worst mixer in the world, better than doing nothing but temper your expectations. Also in the NE of the US if that helps narrow it down, idk about other areas

Yuriobsessedfemme: i live in a rural area in the middle of nowhere in germany. and tried a bunch of apps. and honestly they all suck. i even payed for some to see who likes me cause i got my hopes up and it turned out to be all men. the highlight of my day Günther, 64, wishing me a nice day. yeah fuck those apps a friend of mine had lots of luck with taimi. i am trying it atm. so far i got ghosted or unmatched... ok tbh living in a conservative rural area and being a non-passing transfem might have contributed to it. well back to my shark-plushy i go. cant wait to move away from here some day

DistinctZombie3409: The dating app really just depends on what is most popular in your area. I had to try 3 or 4 different ones before I figured out what was most popular. But as a sapphic dating app Zoe is really good. You can also try hinge, which was very popular where I lived last year. I personally met my current girlfriend on HER, but it seems to be the most popular where I live 🤷🏼‍♀️

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Best Safekeep cover?

Notable replies:

Artificialdisasters: i have 3 and i love it

Paris22002244: I only have 8 titles on my little shelf for sapphic books I can't let go of and this is one of them - a masterpiece, so much in it. A deserving prize-winner. My cover is #2 though I'd prefer #1. Covers are often a bit disappointing and unimaginative. This could be improved - perhaps there should be a prize for that!

Steamjaccuzzi: First

LesbianCanvas: I have owned the audiobook to this since earlier this year and I am really excited to read it based on the raving reviews… I loved Sunburn so i am sure I’ll love this!

MegaDan94: The last one

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This package arrived for my wife while she was at work

I was very disappointed to find out it was a new purse and the 15% off is referring to swappable purse straps.

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What the title says.

A few replies that stood out:

Low-Meeting1858: Not everyone in the LGBTQ+ community is fully supportive of each other, so these men might be misogynistic and male supremacists.

SillyAnxiousDuck: Misogyny.

Adventurous_Dot_9763: gay men can be just as misogynistic as anyone else, unfortunately. some of them think that because they aren't attracted to women, there's no point in respecting them. (obviously, some gay men are amazing, but misogyny is a legitimate issue)

Phadenswan: First and foremost, they're men.

GinaC123: The same misogyny that affects every other group of people too. Just because someone’s LGBTQ+ doesn’t mean that they’re accepting or not otherwise bigoted in some way. Most of my friends are gay men and wonderful, but I’ve absolutely encountered it when we’ve been out at bars/traveling to places that are known to be gay travel destinations/etc.

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Asking people who live with their partners and sleep together every night, specifically.

My girlfriend likes me to cuddle her to sleep every night. She likes being spooned and if I don't want to spoon her, she'll ask if she can hold me. Personally, I simply cannot fall asleep while holding somebody or while being held. Being held just makes me feel trapped and like I can't move freely and I end up fidgeting all night, wide awake. And I just find it uncomfortable holding somebody else while trying to fall asleep.

What I'm able to do is a 15-20 minute cuddle and then I like to roll away to fall asleep. I just need my space to sleep. This is what we typically do since I can't fall asleep cuddling. I've tried before, it just doesn't work for me. My girlfriend has let me know that this is disappointing to her, and she wishes that I would put more effort into cuddling to sleep. I am sorry she's disappointed, but I don't really know what to tell her. I just can't do it. I wake up early for work and I love her, but I‘m not willing to sacrifice my sleep.

I've tried making up for it in the past by giving her hugs and kisses while she's half asleep if I happen to wake up during the night, which she likes, but I don't think that's enough. I got her one of those big full-body pillows for Christmas to cuddle with at night, she says it’s just not the same and rarely uses it. This has honestly become a huge point of contention with us, and I just don't know if there is any solution. Does anyone else deal with similar issues?

Some replies that stood out:

Ashley_1066: I mean honestly she is being unreasonable here, you're offering multiple compromises and she seems to just be offering the same problem. Has she shown any initiative here? Maybe a non confrontational conversation where you both try to find out what the need is specifically and what things could be helpful for it without causing you undue distress, cause if it's not sustainable for you it won't be good for either of you long term I have been in this situation on the side of your partner and after that conversation we found a balance of the things you discussed that worked for us both

Crazycatladycatcrazy: How old are you? I’m asking because I’m similar and when I was younger in my 20s and I would try to set boundaries around sleep my partners would pout or take personal offense. I’m now approaching 40 and my partner and I sleep separate. Sleep is so very important for your physical and mental health. It’s really not a light matter. When I did first propose this to my partner she was a bit sad and did take it personally, and now I don’t even think she would ever want me back in her bed. We both love it. I would maybe try and speak to your gf again and explain the importance of sleep related to health. Shit, maybe even do some googling and look at studies together so she can truly get the gist. Good luck!

Laescha: Can you both go to bed earlier so you can cuddle for longer without compromising your sleep? An maybe listen to an audiobook or something to keep your mind occupied? Realistically though, she's asked, you've said no, that can just be the end of it.

Key-Pangolin-9617: She is being childish. I'd say I expect 30min massages every night before sleeping, and that it's frustrating I don't get it.

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I know i just posted about 3 hours ago but that was more broad and this is more specific

Anyways,

Basically any story about 2 woman falling in love but one of them has a kid

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This is in equal measure wanting to know if this is common and a vent because I'm starting to absolutely lose my mind!

So I've been looking to meet more gaming friends who are NOT MEN, so I've posted in r/SapphicGayming.

I've gotten CIS men replying and filling up my DMs.

Is this crap common and if so, WHY???

I confronted one and he claimed "it just came up on his feed and he didn't notice" ? Does that actually happen if you're not entering these spaces first?

I'm just so damn frustrated...

Some notable replies:

Genvietheone: As we speak I’m cussing out ab 3 men that came from my lesbianpersonals post

Jacky2810: Thats normal, for one lesbian texting me If I post a pic somewhere (especially in the nsfw side of Reddit) I get 50 cis guys too

ArkenStoned312: I think it can happen, but that isnt an excuse. It literally says Sapphic in the name. Doesn't know what Sapphic means? Google

MindlessGoose110: You know, this happens everywhre, even in dating app. I would actually like to talk to one of these apps and just understand what the heck is going in their heads. like, we are not intersted in you. whats the point? its so confusing.

Swallowedoxygen: Men insert themselves everywhere because they genuinely can't conceive that anything in the world isn't FOR them. Including us sexy sexy lesbians playing hard to get 🙄

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We’ve been together for 2.5 years, and in the first year of our relationship I honestly felt a little nickel and dimed by her. We’d go do something that cost like 40$ total and she’d be requesting the money. We talked this issue out and eventually agreed to take turns paying for dates and outings unless it was a particularly expensive bill then we’d split.

We are going on a trip next month and I bought a tour for us for $180. I enjoy buying things for us both or gifting her things, so I told her I’d cover this and didn’t need the money back. Yet she insists we go 50/50 on everything. For the larger expenses, I understand and agree with that. But for small things like dinners, activity tickets etc I wish she would let me pay sometimes—or offer to pay. I do make a bit more than her so I don’t mind paying for more things and i never pressure her to cover my part of anything.

I think we may just have different views on money. For example, when planning a flight route—she would choose something with an 8 hour layover to save 50$, while I would be willing to shell out an extra hundred or more to get a direct flight.

I’m not sure if this is because we have different incomes, or completely different financial mindsets.

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Hello! I'm a masc and I've been thinking about the whole "don't treat your girlfriend like a man" and that got me thinking... is it actually that they're treating me like a man or that they're treating me with no effort?

I asked myself "what do straight women do for their boyfriends?" And a lot of them will put in a lot of emotional energy, household labour and quite honestly a lot of heavy lifting in keeping the relationship afloat. There is still gender role bullshit but now both people in the couple work and make money.

As a masc trying to date (usually online) I run into the issue of women expecting me to do all the asking out, date planning, paying, initiating etc. I've run into women who will not text me unless I text them first.

I love planning dates, taking someone out and paying for them. But when I feel like the other person will never ask me out (usually I keep talking and see if they'll bring up another date) I dip. I'm not gonna ask them to ask me out, that just feels shit. I shouldn't have to LOL.

At first i was like "I'm being treated like a guy" and then i thought... nah this is just lack of effort. Is some of it based around the fact they expect me to do it because I'm masc? Sure. I don't mind being gentlemanly, it just upsets me that no one seems to want to spoil me or take me out like I want to for them. It makes me think "do you even want to go out with me or are you just going along with it because I asked you?"

I think it's less about "not treating mascs like men" and more like treating the other person as an equal. There is gender role bullshit thrown in there ofc, but damn... do y'all not put in effort to get with a guy you're interested in? Why wouldn't you for mascs/butches?

I dunno if the dating scene is like this for fem4fems (let me know) but I'm tired of knowing "if I don't ask this person out nothing will happen." I'm also masc4masc but I cant seem to find mascs who are interested where I live LOL

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Is it the weekend yet? 🙈

What people had to say on Reddit:

Possiblyourgf: I have nothing of substance to say 🧎‍♀️

Physical-Heart-545: Yep. I’m gay. And yasssss finallyyyy

Alternative-Skirt-65: Seriously, This weeks need to wrap up. you look lovely tough.

Cujko8: Yes maam 🫡☺️

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Like it’s not funny atp because I cannot have a normal discussion without thinking ab it like we’re not freaked out but BROTHER. We can be making out and she’ll very occasionally dip down to kiss my neck or ear and everything goes out the window. My dignity, my respect, my pants bro I do not care. Do not touch my neck if you want to have any sort of respectful discussion. Like idk what we were doing but she kinda pulled my hair one time and that shit awoke smth in me like idk if it’s just her or what but im so overly easy. My steak too juicy my lobster too buttery I love my gf guys. 😋

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What was your lesbian awakening?

For me it was when I was around 10-12 years old and I was always staring at these when I was out shopping with my mum

Some notable replies:

Petrychorr: My mom had been taking me to do theatre shows with her while I was growing up (with consent mind you!). There was one production she did where the lead was this absolutely stunning woman who I just thought was so gosh darn cool. One night my mom had come home from a cast after-party and I had asked her how it went and if she saw the actress I liked so much. It was then she confided in me that said actress had been flirting with her in a hot tub that was at the party's location. My mom, being straight as she is, was not thrilled about it. But me being a little closeted lesbian asked: "Why not? She's so cool and pretty, how could you not like her?" And so that's when I got to learn not everybody is into women. 🙃

No_Ad7758: Probably me getting jealous at all the main characters for getting the princess. I used to pretend to be the mc... edit: can't remember to forget you mv probably was THE awakening though

Boredzeb: When I was little all my Barbies married each other, had kids and a house but no Kens. I used to watch Golden Girls late at night and thought that was a perfect house - all women no men.

Tennisgir1: Probably Shakira and Rihanna music video

Strict-Jacket9687: When I just went into puberty, girl from art school flirted with me as a joke and put her hand on my knee. I just was like "wow, I feel weird and good and want more"

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Would you be okay with this in your 30s?

I started dating my current partner very soon after a long term abusive relationship.

About two months after I left she kind of just fell into me when I wasn’t looking.

I was so apprehensive at first, but something tugged at me saying I should go for it, so I did with guidance from my therapist to take it slow but not to close myself off to love and companionship.

We’re long distance and have met in person twice but have been together almost a year now and talk everyday. I do love her. She’s kind, beautiful, respects me and my ptsd triggers, my cat loves her and she’s so perfect for me in almost every way.

But she’s already talking about moving in together and stuff and I’m just not ready.

Living with someone is still triggering for me. Even though I know the situation isn’t the same.

She says she understands and I let her know from the start about my past relationship and that I’ll need to be extremely slow and we will have to be together in person a lot before I even consider moving. Like I’m thinking 2-3 years of visits.

I’m disabled, all my doctors are here, I’m at a point where being alone during the day could potentially be unsafe and she works.

I think, if we move in together I’d need a trial too like one year living near my parents still. I know that sounds insane but with my ptsd, my disability and knowing they could get to me quickly it would help ease my mind.

I was all alone in a hospital states away from them and almost ended up having to be in a battered woman’s shelter. There were emergencies health wise where I had nobody.

The abuse with my ex got so much worse when we were alone and moved to a state where nobody knew me. All the connections out there were my exes. I had no friends of my own and my family was far away.

I love her, but I think to continue in this relationship things have to be specific for me and I feel bad about that. She always says she’s fine with whatever makes me comfortable, but I don’t want her to end up resenting me or thinking it’s about trusting her when it isn’t.

Even my therapist thinks a trial year living together, but still near safe people would be a good idea. We both do eventually want to leave our hometowns but I think I’d just need to see how she is living together for a while before I took that leap.

What people had to say on Reddit:

ElvenRae: How far does she live exactly? Honestly if shes willing to let you stay amongst your doctors and support system, id suggest first moving closer together for a year. Because if shes willing to move in with you in whatever state youre at, why not move 20min-1hr away instead? That way it gives you both time to see how you guys interact on a day to day basis before you merge lives. Absence makes the heart grow fonder after all, and you dont want to be living together with someone before you guys even see your living habits, what day to day looks like, and can see if you can stand each other in the same physical space for more than a couple days. I used to love talking to online friends every day all day and then if I stayed with them for more than 5-7 days I wanted to tear my hair out. Obviously friendship is different from romance but the point stands. Id say a trial of living near each other would be the safest next step for you both if its feasible.

Slow-Truth-3376: I get it. Once that safety is found overall life gets easier to deal with & the past is easier to process & let go. I’m also chronically ill; disabled. I will not leave my doctors. It’s a non negotiable. ATP I prefer together living apart. What I need is set up where I live. It may be something to think about. Maybe you don’t need the relationship hierarchy? Maybe you feel safest not living together & that’s completely normal.

Z4_h0: I'm 36, I'm a U-Haul lesbian, I'm disabled, and I've been in two quite abusive relationships for 6 (violence) + 8 (neglect and betrayal) years until September 2025. Now I'm in love again (for the sixth time since September 😂), it's been 2-3 months, and I'd die to live together, and maybe in some months it will happen. I'd wait for my love forever, but I'd die every day meanwhile: I'd wait for you to be comfortable without any doubt, may it be 2 years, 3 years or whatever. If we are happy together, that's all I need 🥰💜. Sure, I'd love and long to live together, but I also study psychology 🩷 I completely understand all your needs, and agree with your solutions :) maybe I'd try to move in your town so we could see each other more often! I'd try to get nearer as much as I can, to see you every time I can 💖. And I'll be patient, as I've always been in my life. Our love would be the most important thing to me, and if I'm in love I'd do anything and wait till the bitter end 🤩😍🥹💕

Outrageous_Pattern46: It doesn't sound insane for you to need to do this in a way that's safe for you. It does sound insane that after hearing you have trauma about living with someone and things going too fast she wants to talk moving in less than one year into a relationship when you met in person twice.

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My girlfriend tells me she still loves me, but we've lost our spark. How can I bring it back?

I really feel like she's my soulmate. We make each other laugh, our schedules align well, we like doing the same type of things, our values align, our lifestyles align, and so much more. But we also have a lot of differences and balance each other out. We cuddle all of the time, but I've been lacking in bringing romance into the relationship the past 6 or so months. I've been fighting to finish this crazy busy period in my life so we could enjoy summer together, not thinking that putting so much focus on getting through that might mean we don't make it through summer. I really feel like I gave her all of the energy I had during that time, but it wasn't enough.

Do I have any chance at saving this relationship? I've added reminders to my phone to make sure I take her out once a month at a minimum and make her a nice dinner once a month, too (we usually do our meal prep together). I put reminders to buy her flowers on random days. Maybe I shouldn't need these reminders, but I want to make sure I never make life get too busy and forget to prioritize her again, so they're more of a backup.

Some standout replies:

Beanjo22: Whether there's a still chance is something only she can answer, but from an outside perspective I think the spark is totally recoverable. First, did she already tell you what she means by spark? Like, is she missing feeling your desire for and attention to her? Does she want more novelty in your schedule together? Does she miss flirting and playfulness, if that's been absent? I think the reminders you set yourself are a good backup (as you said) but I'm curious if they represent the actions she's said she wants. If not, and they're more of an assumption on your side, this is a great opportunity to get curious and learn about what would do it for her.

The-fact-fairy: “We make each other laugh, our schedules align well, we like doing the same type of things, our values align, our lifestyles align, and so much more.” I do find it a bit odd that the second thing you mention is that your schedules align. Like, you're talking about all these things that align in a very pragmatic way but you never mention emotions. Do you still love your girlfriend?

Jadds1874: How long have you been together is likely gonna be key to this. If it's 3+ years then you should have a good foundation and you can bring it back if you both put in the effort. If it's <18 months it's probably just a sign you guys have run your course.

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LADIES I FINALLY GOT A GF!!

A fem one too, I've always wanted to date a fem girl as a fem myself and I'm so happy!! She's so pretty and lovely and cutesy I love her so much. Life is good >_<

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