Actual Lesbians

I need femme attention!!

No hate to the butches out there - love y’all just not my thing. I’m femme, but certainly not super femme. I walk the line. It seems that I only ever get attention from butch lesbians. Idk why!! Maybe my area is just full of butches. I’m hot. I don’t get it.

Anyways. This is me saying I want some femme attention. I’d post a selfie, but like all my other ones it would get taken down 💔

Comment or message me :) I’ll talk about anything

Image is how it feels being the only femme within 100 miles.

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cultural attire lesbian reporting for duty 💜

I love this community and want to take a sec to celebrate the diversity within it. Feel free to share anything about your culture/where you’re from as well!!

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Idk why im like this.

If I hear about or GOD forbid see a lesbian couple in public I get an indescribable dopamine rush bro.

The worst thing about it is I end up feeling horrible at the end of the day because I feel like I'm dehumanizing people living their lives.

It's not like I'm screaming and cheering when I see them I just get indescribably giddy and end up masking it.

Like bro, I just got my first job and I assumed that the lesbian scene where I live would be nonexistent because of the surplus of MAGA weirdos I've met, but it's the opposite.

So many lesbians dawg

Studs, butches, fems, I even saw an elderly butchfem couple and a fem4fem couple with a baby dawg😭🙏❤️

Ts is incredible

We need more lesbians going forward

Am I weirdo for this? yes or no

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books like this

drop your recs

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Can you recommend a book about a woman who is married to a man and is going through a difficult phase in her marriage? She then meets another woman who changes her life, and they eventually fall in love.

Here are some replies:

Winnet_Stonejar: Ordinary Love by Marie Rutkoski. Technically the two women had first met when they were young and fell out of touch. But the book starts off with exactly the situation you described: one of them is an unhappy straight marriage, then the two MCs reencounter each other and then 🌈✨ It’s literary fiction, beautifully written, trigger warning for domestic violence, fyi.

Kumirkohr: When You Least Expect It by Haley Cass - a divorce lawyer falls in love with her client Better Than Expected by Haley Cass - a prologue and epilogue to the former from the client’s POV A Family Affair by Harper Bliss - woman has an affair with her sister-in-law Flinging It by G. Benson - woman has an affair with her boss’s wife

Moomooma1: Like a House on Fire by Lauren McBrayer. i am jealous you get to read it for the first time (if you decide to)!

Numerous_Move170: The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo…but fair warning, it’s a love story NOT a romance

MiasmaDog89: A Family Affair by Harper Bliss. The other woman is her sister-in-law.

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🤭

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I’m so curious about this, because exuding confidence is such common dating advice but it seems like people are pretty split.

I’m someone who is pretty quiet and reserved, and people who flirt with me have often told me that part of my appeal is my “mysteriousness”. On the other hand, a lot of people talk about how being confident/outgoing is super attractive to them.

I would love to hear opinions! Is someone being shy a dealbreaker for you guys? Is someone being confident a dealbreaker? Is this just 50/50 based on what people’s type is?

From the comments:

Nihhtwing: im the shy one so i appreciate confidence. need an extrovert to adopt me lol

AspieAsshole: Being quiet does not automatically mean a lack of confidence.

Icy-Enthusiasm4411: i’m super shy, i was recently talking to this girl who was so shy and quiet on our first date and i found it soo cute that she was nervous, I think I do like confidence as well tho but you have to be nervous around me loll

Galaxy_Squirrel: I'm more attracted to shy/quiet people because I'm the same way so it would be nice to be with someone who understands what it's like lol

Chailattewoatmilk: Neither is a deal breaker. But I personally gravitate toward confident personalities. I feel on solid ground and it's exciting to be around someone who knows what they want and expresses their excitement and desires with confidence (and even better when that that happens to include me 🫣)

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I thought a "late bloomer," was someone not realizing or admitting that they were a lesbian or gay until they were like 30ish or older, yet I'm seeing post from people who are barely in their late 20's. Am I missing something?

Some comments that stood out:

Packofpoodles: No. You aren’t. And again I don’t really care to police people and their labels, however I would think that yes late Bloomer would imply at the earliest mid to late 20s if not 30s and beyond. I’m sorry but your early 20s does not a late bloomer make! But if it works for you, I guess go for it! I honestly struggle with the term a lot because yes, I do think it implies women who are older. But I have known this in very deep ways most of my life and had my first girlfriend when I was 14 even if I didn’t have all the language for it at the time.

Altruistic_Camera392: I think for some 20-somethings (especially older end of that age) they might have had a husband and/or children by the time they were 18 and are a bit established in a normal hetero family dynamic. And for even younger- I agree seems not late to me as a mid forties lady, but perhaps the younger peers are so much more aware of themselves and their options that it feels “late” to the late bloomer by comparison to peers?

Oshkoshmygosh2: If someone wants to use the label, I’m not policing their age. I wonder if the “lateness” is in comparison to our hetero friends and family who knew much earlier in comparison.

Similar-Ad-6862: I'm tired of seeing posts from 22 year olds. That's not a late anything

Feliciasaysso: Late bloomer I think anything that rounds to 30. So 26 and up especially bc a lot of people are well past college by 26 and college is the time they would have had the best chance to feel out that sexuality shift with the least risk.

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POV: I’m your cashier at dollar tree

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So the Arcane Fandom has multiple LGBT ships despite some of these characters never interacting. One of them, Melvika, is Mel Medarda x Sevika. Artist is @visualeffex

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Y'all I bought my first strap today since I've moved out and honestly I'm not sure really why I got it lmaooo I have no girl but yeah I just wanted to share my accomplishments 😭😭

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What I wore vs what I ate lol

I devoured this succulent meal in celebration of my graduation.

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This is mostly just to vent, but im very open to advice if people have it!

For some baseline context, I'm 22 and I have been out and identifying as a lesbian for a few years now and I've been intimate with quite a few folks at this point. In this time, I've very openly identified as a verse, though I seem to attract mostly bottoms (this is fine ofc, I'm very butch-leaning and tall, I get it), so I've been topping pretty much exclusively (which is, again, fine). So far I've really loved being able to provide for partners, but I do struggle with how one-sided sex has felt so far.

I don't really want to go into too much detail or anything, but I've been described as a very giving partner. I really like to tend to my partners needs before considering my own as it's really gratifying for me emotionally to know that they're enjoying themselves. A trend I've noticed though is after they've finished, I'll start doing some aftercare, help them clean up and cuddle them while they're still enjoying themselves, but afterwards folks tend to kind of roll over and fall asleep (or get busy doing something else and get out of the mood if its earlier in the day) before my needs are met. It's gotten to a point where I've started feeling really used and then feeling really selfish or stupid for even wanting reciprocation in the first place.

I've done my best to be open about these feelings and I've tried asking to be focused on a little bit more during sex, and while in the moment some have been receptive to the feedback, the sentiment never seems to really find its way to the bedroom. I've also tried asking during aftercare if I could have a turn being the focus and ive been met with either promises that I'll be gotten to next time or been told that my line of thinking was transactional when sex shouldn't be that way (which I think might be fair). Hell, I've even tried scheduling sex ahead of time, asking partners if they'd be willing to focus on me that night, and while they've always seemed open to the idea, when the time comes they'll either flake or get invested doing something else entirely.

This has been the case with every partner I've had in these two years, so I suspect its a me-issue. I've been feeling really unwanted and its been hard to even want to have sex at this point. Is there something I could be doing differently to feel a little more fufilled in this capacity or do I just need to suck it up and be a stone top from now on?

Notable replies:

Pleasantly-aloof: Woah, I’m so sorry and no one should feel this way about sex :( Asking for reciprocity is not transactional. Tbh it sounds like that person is using therapy speak to delegitimize your feelings. It’s not a you issue, but like you said at the start maybe you are mostly attracting and approaching pillow princesses. Next time you’re seeking out a new partner, I would encourage you to look for someone who seems like they are also interested in taking charge at least some of the time. You do not need to “suck it up” and you aren’t wrong for feeling this way. I would absolutely feel used in this situation too.

Jackibelle: It may be "normal" as in common, but it's not normal as in right. You should absolutely be satisfied with sex, whatever that means for you, regardless of the role you want to take.

TwoTrucksPayingTaxes: You should never just suck it up. It sounds like you haven't been compatible with these partners. Someone who meshes with you will enjoy doing the things that make you feel good. I understand the feeling expressed about transactional sex. That's something I really struggled with. So, I date people who mesh with that mind set.

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This is my first relationship (19F). I took on a “top” role early on. I had no experience so didn’t know which I was and I was more nervous about her touching me so it just sort of happened. At the start of the relationship she told me she was a switch but would give me time to feel comfortable. Then after a while told me that she was solely a bottom and only liked receiving. At the time I did not mind.

9 months later I find myself wishing this wasn’t the case and starting to slightly resent her for it.

I previously had a high drive but now I’m not looking forward to sex. I think it’s mainly because of pressure and expectation which I don’t respond well to. She has a very high libido and it sometimes feels like whatever I do will never be enough. It’s really difficult and knocks my confidence. I enjoy myself during but otherwise I feel pressured and slightly annoyed at the prospect 75% of the time. I’ve told her about my feelings and she responded well and said I never have to do anything. I just don’t want to upset her and she constantly wants sex. If I say no I feel guilty and selfish even though she gives me no reason to.

Up until recently I did not have a problem with only giving as making her feel good is one of my favourite things. But I’ve noticed that it’s making me feel negatively towards myself. I have bad self esteem and her not touching my body unless she wants to initiate sex does have an impact. It makes me feel gross and undesirable. We have spoken about this and she has reassured me that she finds me attractive but it still upsets me.

What’s the best thing to do here?

Some replies worth sharing:

Herdisleah: Talk to her. Show her this post. Actively listen to each other.

Adventurous_Dot_9763: sounds like you're sexually incompatible :( it's nobody's fault, but sometimes people just don't work out

JazzlikeCricket1127: Sounds to me like you're sexually incompatible!

Pinksunset777: You can't change her, and you shouldn't have to change yourself for someone else. You two aren't sexually compatible, it happens. Thats why we date people, to find someone who is naturally compatible with us. I'm sorry, this is probably not what you wanted to hear.

General-Party1964: Touching you only when she wants sex is a big red flag. She's using you and making no effort to make you feel loved. And the fact you feel like you can't say no... is another huge red flag. But even taking that aside, you're both sexually incompatible. Don't put up with this. It's best to leave early before you give yourself sexual trauma from putting up with this for who knows how many years. Good luck with the break up. You're young, you'll feel better one day.

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ive heard from TERFs that i am just in a heterosexual relationship because my girlfriend is trans

ive been hearing the lesbophobic “question” of “why not just date men if you like masculine women?” im not going to answer that question. this is a lesbian/sapphic subreddit, im sure you guys can see where its a stupid question and also a question in bad faith.

my preference is masculine women! ive seen straight people and (sadly) some fem4fem sapphics agreeing with this question. its upsetting. people, including other sapphics, are not viewing our relationships as genuine. believing that if you are fem(me) you should/must be into men. i am tired. butchfemme, studfemme, and hell even mascfem lesbian couples are a minority within a minority. yet we are the most sexualized and hated.

Here are some replies:

Nietha23: My "type" is androgynous. I'll briefly see someone and be like "ooh they're attractive" and then half a second later it's clear they're male and my interest disappears instantly. Just tell people "you date who you want to date and I'll date who I want to date". Or "imagine if I suggested you date a gender you're not attracted to"

LucinaRose13: I'm also sometimes a butch trans woman so it's really cool that I'm still viewed as "basically just a man" by some people. Definitely love that for me /s

MintyCoolness: I'm a chapstick lesbian who prefers femmes, and this question always offends ME, so I can't imagine how aggravating it is for a woman who likes butches. It's this idea that masc=man and women=femme, and that's so limiting and bullshit. And also, the idea that butch/femme upholds patriarchal cishet society, and this is so stupid, it's not funny. They're women who like women; they're ALREADY not conforming to cishet society.

Gasterakantha: Being more androgynous as a trans person has such an outsized effect on how poorly people treat you

Honmer: rahhhhhh i love trans butches

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looking for a book about love and yearning, bonus points if there’s hot spicy scenes but looking for a really good yearning story.

as an example of books i loved that made me sob and laugh and feel all the feels:

Sunburn Her Name In The Sky Girl’s Girl Atmosphere The Safekeep

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Sigh. I have unfortunately fallen into limerance over this girl in my grad/major cohort. I always thought she was sooo pretty and soo cool whenever I saw her in our major department building. I’ve never built the courage to talk to her directly but we became mutuals on IG (SCORE!).

After some internet sleuthing (stalking her accounts), I discovered we share a lot of similar interests specifically about anime and some fashion/art; however, she’s really into literature/poetry, which is my weakest link as I’m more specialized in visual arts (I’m so paranoid about this somehow being linked to her so I’ll just say that it’s related to her career). I can’t for the life of me get into classical literature or poetry. I’m actually so envious of others who are so articulate, have great storytelling skills, and can write so beautifully, it can also function as lyrics. Aside from AO3 and Tumblr fanfics, I can only ever consume nonfiction, specifically essays and analyses on critical theory/intersectionality (the whole woke spiel aka “the dismantling of the dichotomy in commodification in rectification of late stage capitalism: a retrospective video essay”), which is something I do have in common with her.

She’s very known in the creative spaces on campus, which I do occasionally frequent in and know some people from but my main form of art/expression is drawing anime characters 💔 (mid-ly may I add). What’s crazy is that SHE claims to be a loser. LIKE DONT EVEN THINKING ABOUT LARPING AS A LOSER. YOU DONT KNOW TRUE LOSERDOM (yes I’m gatekeeping). She’s surrounded by so many other creative gays, ESPECIALLY beautiful gay women, and that is evident in her comment sections. They all have great taste in thrifted/archival/avant-garde fashion, listen to the most niche underground artists, have the same outlandish Ivy Wolk style of humor that requires a thorough understanding of pop culture history, have mastered the art of nonaesthetic aesthetic Instagram feeds with the most nonchalant niche reference lowercase caption ever (I never know what the hell she’s saying in her captions), and ofc produce genuinely meaningful, visually/audibly beautiful art (even drawn anime characters) or are high achievers in their respective fields (double/triple majors, Ivy leagues, Phds).

It’s just genuinely an intimidating space from an outsider’s perspective. They have everything I’ve prided myself on having/embodying/displaying (dressing eccentric, being chronically online, my humor, nerdy hobbies) but quadrupled. Whatever I just got into, they were already in the midst of years ago.

The nail in the coffin is that she’s masc ?¿ 😭. JUST FUCKING VOTE. I KNOW IM NOT GOING TO BE PICKED.

She also might be dating someone but it’s hard to tell with her nonchalant ass posts.

Ultimately, I understand that my woes and worries can simply be attributed to my low self esteem and that one Jemima Kirke IG story reply: “I think you guys might be thinking about yourselves too much.” Had I approached her like a normal person, I could’ve explored the connection 💕🌴myself. I just needed to vent about my experience as a loser wlw.

Thanks for reading if you did and hit that notification bell if you also hate nonchalant creative gays!

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