Actual Lesbians

Sigh. I have unfortunately fallen into limerance over this girl in my grad/major cohort. I always thought she was sooo pretty and soo cool whenever I saw her in our major department building. I’ve never built the courage to talk to her directly but we became mutuals on IG (SCORE!).

After some internet sleuthing (stalking her accounts), I discovered we share a lot of similar interests specifically about anime and some fashion/art; however, she’s really into literature/poetry, which is my weakest link as I’m more specialized in visual arts (I’m so paranoid about this somehow being linked to her so I’ll just say that it’s related to her career). I can’t for the life of me get into classical literature or poetry. I’m actually so envious of others who are so articulate, have great storytelling skills, and can write so beautifully, it can also function as lyrics. Aside from AO3 and Tumblr fanfics, I can only ever consume nonfiction, specifically essays and analyses on critical theory/intersectionality (the whole woke spiel aka “the dismantling of the dichotomy in commodification in rectification of late stage capitalism: a retrospective video essay”), which is something I do have in common with her.

She’s very known in the creative spaces on campus, which I do occasionally frequent in and know some people from but my main form of art/expression is drawing anime characters 💔 (mid-ly may I add). What’s crazy is that SHE claims to be a loser. LIKE DONT EVEN THINKING ABOUT LARPING AS A LOSER. YOU DONT KNOW TRUE LOSERDOM (yes I’m gatekeeping). She’s surrounded by so many other creative gays, ESPECIALLY beautiful gay women, and that is evident in her comment sections. They all have great taste in thrifted/archival/avant-garde fashion, listen to the most niche underground artists, have the same outlandish Ivy Wolk style of humor that requires a thorough understanding of pop culture history, have mastered the art of nonaesthetic aesthetic Instagram feeds with the most nonchalant niche reference lowercase caption ever (I never know what the hell she’s saying in her captions), and ofc produce genuinely meaningful, visually/audibly beautiful art (even drawn anime characters) or are high achievers in their respective fields (double/triple majors, Ivy leagues, Phds).

It’s just genuinely an intimidating space from an outsider’s perspective. They have everything I’ve prided myself on having/embodying/displaying (dressing eccentric, being chronically online, my humor, nerdy hobbies) but quadrupled. Whatever I just got into, they were already in the midst of years ago.

The nail in the coffin is that she’s masc ?¿ 😭. JUST FUCKING VOTE. I KNOW IM NOT GOING TO BE PICKED.

She also might be dating someone but it’s hard to tell with her nonchalant ass posts.

Ultimately, I understand that my woes and worries can simply be attributed to my low self esteem and that one Jemima Kirke IG story reply: “I think you guys might be thinking about yourselves too much.” Had I approached her like a normal person, I could’ve explored the connection 💕🌴myself. I just needed to vent about my experience as a loser wlw.

Thanks for reading if you did and hit that notification bell if you also hate nonchalant creative gays!

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TW for SA

I’ve been seeing so many TT videos on gold stars, and how we should uphold this term, and if you feel the need to criticize it, you’re just insecure. They’re not wrong on that in my case

Seeing this stuff repeatedly is just making me feel worse. I guess you could say I am a “gold star” because I’ve never been with a man romantically and I’ve never had penetrative sex with one either. But I was assaulted by a man, and because of that I already feel less. I just want to talk to other people about how they feel about this term because on platforms like TikTok everything is always black and white to them. If you like the term for gold star, I’d like to understand your point of view as well

Some standout replies:

Necessary_Wonder89: its disgusting and just centers men. A woman's value has NOTHING to do with her past experiences at all. Lateblooming lesbians are a thing and they aren't less than because comphet made them convinced they liked men. Just like you aren't less than because of your past. Ignore any mention of gold star and if someone irl says that in conversation it's their way of telling you they're an asshole.

TripleJess: Purity tests are -always- toxic. Simple as that.

Mothfoxmantis: It's a meaningless term mostly used by jerks to gatekeep

100_Weasels: Its no different to "virginity" rhetoric and other purity nonsense. Anyone using or spouting the value of the term is a walking red flag.

IAMNOT_EustaceWinner: A reductive phallocentric purity test made purely to feel superior to others, and the only people I've taken take pride in it are humongous bigots.

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I don’t really post many selfies these days but I have really been enjoying all my summer fit choices this year 💖 Also I’m proud to say I’ve lost almost 20lbs in the 3 years I’ve been on my healing journey. So things are finally starting to go in...

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After coming out to various people over time, I have yet to get a surprised reaction. I'm not complaining, actually I'm super grateful how overwhelmingly supportive people have been. But given how I'm seeing this pattern over and over of people basically responding with "duh", I'm learning that everyone knew I was gay before I did. 😂

Here are actual testimonials from loved ones.

# Now-Ex-Boyfriend

"I think I always knew this day was coming."

---

# Now-Girlfriend We went out on a date a couple years ago, during the time when me and now-ex-boyfriend had broken up for a couple months. I was openly bi/pan, but had only ever dated men. She asked me who I saw myself being with in the future, a woman or a man. I said I didn't know (I really didn't at the time). It seemed like she didn't believe me. I assumed she wrote me off as straight, or at least heteroromantic, given my history. We lost touch because although we liked each other, things were moving too fast for me and I still had some unresolved things with my ex. We recently got back in touch and are now dating. Yesterday we were recounting the past.

"When we kissed back then, I knew. Straight/heteroromantic women don't kiss the way you kissed me. When I asked who you saw yourself with and you said you didn't know, the disbelief was because I knew you were gay and in denial about it. I was shocked when you went back to your ex."

---

# Mom I haven't fully come out to her as lesbian since we don't talk anymore, this was years ago when I still thought I was bi. She's very catholic and I spent a lot of time when I was younger challenging the teachings of the church, including its view on queerness.

"Why do you defend gay rights so much? Are you gay? I've kinda suspected that for a long time..."

---

# Best friend They were in the loop during the whole questioning process and saw the mountain of evidence reaching into "beyond a reasonable doubt" territory. Before I came to terms with my sexuality, we went to a local performance together that was full of queer joy. I couldn't stop crying, and I didn't know why.

"Oh idk, probably because you're a queer bby stuck in a straight relationship."

---

# Best friend's mom I didn't know about this one until very recently. Upon meeting me the first time, she, a late bloomer lesbian, said this to my best friend.

"She's going to turn out to be a late bloomer lesbian. Just watch."

---

# Therapist We spent several sessions talking about it and going through a multi-page document where I wrote out a ton of my questioning points/musings. I was just about ready to accept my fate, but was having some doubts and feeling imposter syndrome.

"Do I really need to point out that we have now spent several hours together going over your lesbian manifesto?"

---

# Coworker

"Yeah this makes sense. When I met you and you said you had a boyfriend, I was very surprised."

---

# Friend

"Well it's about damn time!"

---

# Sister

*pause*. blank stare. slow nod. "Mhmmmmm (said with the air of 'no shit sherlock')." regular conversation continues.

---

# Brother

"I KNEW IT"

---

Not to mention the countless number of people all throughout my life who assumed I was a lesbian until I told them otherwise. I know there's no "one way" to look or be a certain sexuality, but I kinda feel like I probably should have been paying more attention to this pattern. I'm actually fairly femme presenting, so it's not like people were making this assumption because of a very obvious masc appearance or something like that. I think they just... picked up on something? A vibe? The way I carry myself? The kind of hobbies I'm drawn to? Idk 🤷‍♀️

I'm glad my brain finally caught up to what my loved ones have apparently known for years lol. All feels right with the world now.

Some comments that stood out:

Holldo91: This completely tracks. I didn’t really come out until 30, I wasn’t in the closet totally, I just didn’t date or do anything very social. We met at work and I guess she’s all I could talk about. When we went out one night and I didn’t come home like for three months. No one batted an eye. It was a lot of “it’s about time.” Lol.

Prestigious-Mind2781: I came out to a lesbian friend and her response was, "So... you work in community activism, yes? You're the person people come to when they need to move house, buy a car, build furniture? You worked in AIDS awareness for several years? And now you've decided to get a buzz cut and start wearing flannel and you've realised you're attracted to women?" She then practically threw a copy of Stone Butch Blues at me.

Fernxqueen: I had multiple ex-boyfriends figure it out before me (some resentfully, some supportively lol). Historically, most of my close friends have been fully homosexual (either gay or lesbian), or at the very least, practicing bisexuals. (I IDed as bi for most of my life, but was still really deep in comphet so most of my same-sex experiences were pretty stereotypical.) They kind of always suspected, looking back now it's a little bit embarrassing how obvious it was to everyone but me lol. But they never tried to push me to reach the conclusion prematurely, I think they understood that wouldn't work. So only gentle encouragement, i.e. taking me to gay clubs, suggesting I try dating only women for a while, etc. ETA: Also my (very cool) grandma clocked me lol. Once I was talking to her about the benefits of having suitors on rotation, and she told me I should live it up and date as many guys AND girls as I wanted because she did when she my age lmao. No way in hell my (very homophobic) mom knew that about her. 🥰

Ok_Inspection910: Dying to read the Lesbian Manifesto

Starrwards: I told one of my best friends I wanted to talk to her (very unlike me to not just jump into conversation- ADHD over here). And she goes "I had a feeling you were going to come out to me today" before I even got anything out of my mouth. and she was like, yeah we knew, and her husband had apparently even asked her if he should introduce me to some sapphic associates he knew but she told him no, I wasn't out yet 😂

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Curls and allll

Hehehe

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Feeling cute!

Love this outfit on me!

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Im a small boob girlie and I feel so insecure about the fact that I really really adore big boobies while I don’t have them. I feel kind of hypocritical about it? Like how a broke person expects their partner to make 6 figures or something.

I just really love to bury my head in some :3

A few replies that stood out:

Key_Mixture610: Allll booobies are great!!! That what you need to know!!

Pizza_girl_9: Respectfully, the boobs are for sharing, not comparing. 😌✨

Pizza_girl_9: For real, the lesbian community has unanimously agreed that all boob sizes are appreciated. You’re good.

AskingOnTheLow: I have big boobs and like small ones lol this is not an issue you need to worry about

Erwin_Voymastina: Nothing wrong with wanting specific things, as long as you respect ppl's boundaries and treat others well, no reason to worry about looking "hypocritical" or stuff like that. Also "opposites" attracting is a very common thing in relationships in general, sometimes just coincidence, sometimes exactly because ppl want a partner that has what they dont have.

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One day it’ll be my turn to be the luckiest girl in the world.

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I will try to keep descriptions vague in accordance with rules.

But basically: I’ve been out as pan for a long time now and have had sex with both, but recently I’ve realized that I don’t get nervous in the way you would around someone you’re attracted to around any man, even ones I think are attractive, I don’t get like that feeling in my stomach when they approach me or make a move on me or do anything with me, I never really have the urge to please them outside of a very “looking at myself through how he’s seeing me” type of way, and I’ve never been in love with or had emotional feelings for a man beyond friendship, even when we were together, even when he was textbook perfect.

But the part that confuses me is that I don’t hate sex with men. It’s actually really enjoyable with the right person. And honestly, a lot easier because it’s more available and I don’t get nervous about it in the same way. Like I enjoy sex with men the same way I enjoy masturbating, just someone else doing the work for me.

Like it feels good, sure, but I’m not exactly like, fully there mentally I guess? Meanwhile with women, I actively fantasize, want to see her reactions to what I do to her, I actually have that feeling of wanting and yearning more and more. With men I never have that feeling of needing or wanting more, it’s just there and good, or not. Like I’ve never been turned on by a man through something they did unintentionally the way I would be if a girl hugged me too close or something.

I don’t know. I’m just so confused because I was so secure with my label as Pan for so long, but now that I’ve had more sexual experiences in general, I’m realizing my attraction to different sexes is very different. To the point I don’t even know if what I feel for men is really attraction.

But then the title of lesbian is scary because 1) I feel like a fake for not being disgusted with straight sex and 2) I worry about how straight women, especially friends, would perceive me and our friendship.

Am I maybe just bi with a preference?? Idk.

Fuck. Can’t believe I’m thinking of all this because I read a smutty lesbian Alien Stage fanfic that dealt with internalized homophobia and how one girl wanted a dick to fuck her girlfriend with.

edit: I realized there’s a lot of context that this post leaves out and that this is maybe a conversation with my therapist instead. But to assure everyone: no i have never referred to myself as a lesbian in life so far, exactly for the reason that I know it could be incredibly damaging to those who are sure of their identities. God knows my lesbian friends get enough men trying to turn them. That’s why I’m anon posting on reddit, in a lesbian reddit, instead of telling everyone in my life about this. Thank you though to everyone who left kind and nuanced thoughts on the topic in the comments.

A few replies that stood out:

BrikHowse: Personally I think people get way too caught up in nailing down the right labels. Like technically something close to "bisexual homoromantic" might fit for you, but I also think it's absurd to try to use a label like that in public and expect anyone to understand (or care). Sexuality is extremely complex, everyone has their own nuances and evolution with it. I think just listen to your body and go with the flow.

Whooptidooh: Then you’re not a lesbian. Bi? Sure. Lesbian? No.

Fickle-Let-7205: There is still a lot of hostility directed at "turning" inflexible homosexuals with the "right person". So utilize compassion for marginalized subgroups within the community by reserving the term Lesbian for the inflexible Homosexual+Homoromantic. There are many other terms you can use nowadays that quite flexible and more nuanced: WLW, Queer, Sapphic, Bi, Poly. Use of the word Lesbian when you are flexible is becoming dangerous for actually lesbians who are not flexible as it creates a stereotype that they are all flexible, could all be flexible or seduced/turned by men, the right person as you say. In a climate where women are increasingly having to protect themselves and seek out women-only spaces etc, please be mindful and protective of this inner subgroup.

Intrepid_Mix9536: i think you're just bi with a preference for women

Plastic-Customer2193: It’s ok to be bi or pan.

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TW Mild abuse discussion

My ex being the last person to touch me in a intimate way has been haunting me for a long time.

But at the same time, I was terrified to have sex again. It’d been almost 2 years (I only left a year ago but I stopped having sex with my ex a long time ago)

I have lupus, scars from abuse/mental health, scarring from lots of things. So I was scared.

My ex would call me gross,disgusting,fat and make fun of the issues with my body. So I was so scared to be vulnerable and open in that way. Almost always after sex she’d pick a fight too, which is why I stopped having sex with her completely unless she guilted me into it.

Sex with my new girlfriend felt so safe and she communicated with me so well. She let me know when things felt good/when it didn’t. She’s a total power bottom which completely matches the dynamic I love best. She also praised me and told me how beautiful I was after, which was so stark in comparison.

The best part was DURING sex, I didn’t think of my abuser at all. I was terrified leading up that id have a panic attack.

It truly felt like making LOVE, which is something I didn’t even realize I’d never experienced before. It was soft and gentle and exploratory in comparison to rough,kinky and passionate (which I do like, but it was just a entirely different vibe that I’m glad I got to have)

And when we fell asleep after I felt the absolute safest I’d ever felt in my entire life. I cried before I fell asleep simply because I was thinking how nice it was to fall asleep with someone and not be terrified (my ex often picked fights/would get violent at bedtime)

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I went out with a girl, super cute and there was definitely a vibe. We ended up talking all night, playing pool, and grabbing a bite.

However… there were some yellow flags: 1- she said she would drink and drive when she lived in LA (when going out) I’m sorry, what?!

2- post-3 drinks, she made a racist remark saying she didn’t questioned how POC could afford to live in a luxury building (she did catch herself and say that was f’d up and I was like yeah that was a racist opinion)

3- she drank 3 beers while I didn’t drink at all…. And was pretty tipsy at the end of the date. She did ask if that was ok to drink at the beg of the date and I said yes

4- she would go out in public to hang on the beach in LA during covid even when it was illegal and get ticketed

I know this makes her sound horrible but we did have a vibe on this date. I feel like so rarely so I meet someone and actually feel a spark. Should I proceed with caution? Run far away? Help.

Edit: Thank you for all making me see how delulu I am being. Single tear (but she was so hot!!!). ty for all making me feel less crazy haha. This was off, wasn’t it?!

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Okay I'm usually really good at eating pussy. I don't know what happened. But no matter what, I never give up until she cums. So my girlfriend in 2012 was visiting and I was going down on her. She had VERY bristly, course new hair that had grown in on her lips but I didn't care. But I could NOT get her off no matter how hard I tried. Later, she said it was because my playlist was bad 🙄 who can't cum to Missy Elliot? Riddle me that. ANYWAY, I went down on her for an hour and nothing so she finally had me stop. WELL, the next morning, I look in the fucking mirror and I have TWO huge DEEP OPEN WOUND pussy lip prints down both sides of my face. There was no explaining what that was. It was VERY clear. The wounds were so deep, there was no covering it with makeup. I was a waitress. I waited tables for TWO weeks with two giant pussy prints on my face. So pussy hair is great, bristle is fine, but if the hair starts to hurt your FACE, STOP. Especially if you're a waitress.

What people on Reddit said:

Pizza_girl_9: The dedication was admirable… but sometimes the universe is gently suggesting it’s time to take a break. 😂

Switchwitch6: Not exactly this but I’ve gotten red rashes on my face from rubbing against pubes too much while eating a girl out. I’ve also cut the little line thing on the bottom of my tongue on my teeth many times from eating girls out Lmaoo. Also while I love Missy I wouldn’t say it’s great sex music in my humble opinion.

Archamasse: Many WTF qualities to this, but you are absolutely right about Missy Elliot and you should have chased her out of the house then and there. Missy Elliot hatred is plenty before you even get into the angle grinder flap situation.

Maddison_Maddie: Girl 😭😂 I am dying. You spent an HOUR trying your best and then had to go to work looking like you lost a fight with an angry cat. That's dedication. And blaming Missy Elliott is wild. Some couples break up over big problems. You two were out here arguing over the playlist. 👀🚩

Vestayekta: This is what I have always assumed happens to women with male partners? Lmao. No idea how they handle it.

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Some people surrender all at once.

They tell you exactly what they need, exactly how they want to be led.

Then there are the rare ones.

The ones who hand you their trust one careful piece at a time.

She is that woman for me.

I know the strength she shows the world before I know the weight she carries alone.

I know how she takes care of everyone else before I know who takes care of her.

I know she can hold herself together through almost anything.

I'm more interested in the moments when she no longer has to.

I'm not trying to control her.

I'm learning how to hold the parts of her she's never let anyone else carry.

I'm learning the tiny things.

The way her shoulders finally relax when she knows she's safe.

The pause before she admits she's tired.

The look she gives me when she's deciding whether to let go.

The truth is, power isn't earned by taking it.

It's earned when someone places it in your hands, looks you in the eyes, and trusts you'll protect them more than you'll ever protect your own ego.

So I don't rush her.

I stay.

I pay attention.

Because I have a feeling that one day she won't surrender because I asked.

She'll surrender because, with me...

...she never has to wonder if she's safe.

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Maren Morris and Cassadee Pope potentially dating

Couple of days ago the two country music stars posted a photo of them kissing on Instagram. Not sure if a relationship is actually confirmed but pretty cool if it's true!

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Looking for a book similar to 50 shades of grey but wlw. I know how bad those books apparently showed BDSM ect in a not great light but I made a deal with my other half if I find her the lesbain version of it, she would read it.

She's more of a movie kinda girl lol

Much appreciated 👏

Here are some replies:

One-Hippo-7597: A Little Sin : A court of chains by Rawnie Sabor

Redfruit2828: Saving Mia by Anna Stone. FMC auctions off her virginity to the highest bidder because she needs money to pay off debts. The other FMC is a hot rich woman with a less than happy past who buys her, but for more than a one night stand. Grab the audiobook if you can. Allie Shae's voice for Cassandra saying "good girl" was the first time I felt those two words actually hit me. The BDSM is light but the consent checking is 110% there.

Hottt_Donna: Rawnie Sabor!

Suspicious_Machine62: it’s a graphic novel, but you also might like Sunstone.

Archaeogeek: You want Anna Stone. https://annastoneauthor.com

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Outfit of the night

Rings are not there yet but otherwise I love this outfit \^\^

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So obviously doing intimate times I get down and I’m doing a good job as per my girlfriends words but the only thing on my mind is how I feel like my jaw is about to fall off. It tends to bother me during the moment but I gotta make sure I finish the job. Anyone got any techniques to help me or am I just doomed

A few notable replies:

Hermagic: learn to use your tongue and move it without relying on your jaw as much. and if this jaw move specifically is something she likes then at time u may have to alternate between moves if u need a break

BreezeBB59HB: Relax your jaw during doll. Allow your tounge to do its magic. The movements that's causing your jaw to hurt is work your tounge should be doing. Licking, sucking, dipping, flicking, rotating, lapping all of that. And I can't stress this enough please adjust during for you and her. Move her. Spread her. If you need more pressure simply roll your jaw or idk PUT YOUR FACE in it lolll You got this. Go explore and use ice for the time being ✨️😌

Kittaylover23: relax your jaw open, don’t like hold it open and then really get in there with tongue

Kalhiakalhi: please search on youtube TMJ pain release or jaw pain release exercises. It helps to remove tension from your jaw muscules. It is good even if your jaw is healthy, the tension tends to build up during the day, so exercises help to mantain jaw healthy

Yitapr: That means you are doing a stellar job 😈

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