Actual Lesbians

I have a fwb that I see occasionally, let’s call her J. We hadn’t seen each other in a lil while so I went over to her place last night. No expectations- We planned to smoke and watch Harry Potter.

We cuddled up of course. Nice and stoned watching chamber of secrets. I’m comfy, shes comfy and we just chill like that until J starts to let out lil light snores lol. It was cute. I laid with her for a lil longer while she slept till I started to fall asleep too and that was my queue to go. (I don’t stay over)

This morning I get a text from her apologizing for falling asleep. I said don’t be sorry and that I was super comfy and almost fell asleep too.

Then she says “I don’t get to lay with anyone so it’s a different kind of peace”

That warmed my heart bc I know what she means. We didn’t have sex, we didn’t even makeout. We kissed once when I left. We just shared some physical touch that we both enjoyed and I love that 🩷 and I loveee women 🫠

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Linen suit for a september wedding?

I got a great deal on this suit today that I couldn't pass up. Can I wear this to a late September wedding? It's in the evening, and the invite says cocktail attire. It's a linen fabric with a thin stripe. Too informal, or could I dress it up with dark brown or burgundy loafers?

Notable replies:

Candle_True: I like the fit and style of it, and linen is fantastic as you can dress it up or down. However I do feel something is off with the color, would you be open to dying it? When I hear evening, cocktail, and late September I’m thinking a darker color scheme is expected.

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i’m so done with men who say “i can change you,”“she’s not really gay,” or continue to flirt with you nonstop even when you tell them you’re a lesbian like shut uppppppppppppppp

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I’m very attracted to chubby feminine women! Especially that lower stomach pudge just gets me going!

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What sapphic books can you recommend for Disability Pride month?

It can be any genre as long as is sapphic.

A few replies that stood out:

PuzzWiz: Holy Wrath by Victoria Mier 💜🖤

Talking_Waterfall: The Unbroken + sequels by C. L. Clark has a physically disabled POV character with chronic pain and she uses a cane.

UCanBdoWatWeWant2Do: Big Swiss by Jen Beagin has characters dealing with mental heath issues and addiction, not sure if it fits 100%, someone please confirm.

Impressive-Peace2115: Mental health: - When the Museum is Closed by Emi Yagi - magical realism - Bianca Torre is Afraid of Everything by Justine Pucella Winans - YA thriller/mystery - Everyone in this Room Will Someday be Dead by Emily Austin - contemporary litfic Autism: - Moon Dust in My Hairnet by J.R. Crease (MC is poly, with male and female lovers) - The Mimicking of Known Successes by Malka Older (strongly autism-coded, not sure if it's official) - sci-fi mystery

Bakasana212: All of Ada Hoffmann’s sci fi books have autistic FMCs. The Outside features a sapphic romance too

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I just finished reading The Lay of You. I was initially nervous about Dosie's history of sexual abuse. It wasn't as graphic as I had feared, but its presence and shadow are always there. It is such a part of Dosie's character, that even when the abuse hasn't been brought up for dozens of pages, it is still there between the lines. It's like a fossilized impression; a permanent stamp on her soul.

I really liked the dynamic between Dosie and the escort, whose name turns out to be Jennifer Dupont. Dosie is using the escort for sexual therapy bc so much of what has happened to her body has been without her control and consent... and with no pleasure. By hiring Jennifer, Dosie is allowing herself her first sexual experiences with control, consent, and pleasure. It is a means of taking control of her body back... changing her body's narrative.

Helping Dosie affects Jennifer Dupont. Her role in teaching Dosie how to allow her body to feel pleasure and bring her body pleasure is requiring a great deal of empathy and support. It is also requiring touch that isn't sexual. Touch that is reassuring and deeply caring. This is blurring all the professional boundaries for Jennifer. It is also prying something open inside her that she is desperate to keep closed and untouched.

Some adjectives to describe the reader experience... It was emotional and sexy. It was desperate, feral, tender, patient, devastating, elating, grounding, free falling, fulfilling...

Quote from book: "She'd [Dosie] spent the night doing the one thing she knew she excelled at: worship. What she lacked in know-how, she made up for in devotion until Jennifer's pleasure had infiltrated all her senses."

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fills me with so much dread. My parents want me to get married soon. I’m still in the closet. Sometimes I feel like I’m okay with it, but then I imagine myself laying down with a giant man on top of me and I want to puke.

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* vegetarian/ vegan * doesn’t want kids/ doesn’t have kids * monogamous * max 10y age gap  * willing to make efforts, learn together  * mutual obsession (healthy version!!!!)  * can talk about anything/ curious/ can handle my little obsessions  * financial compatibility * physically independent (as in I don't want to be someone's primary caregiver) * minimum 5’6/ 167cm

be nice thank you <33

(also this is for a long term relationship, not casual stuff)

A few notable replies:

Alternative-Bee2125: The height one seems a little much to be a dealbreaker. The rest are fine.

Randomaccount_1317: I think the only one that would make me decide no is the physically independent part. I’m currently physically independent, but I don’t know that I will be for my entire life. Knowing that my partner might not stick around if anything were to happen would be enough to make me decide against pursuing a relationship.

Distracted_x: The height one is weird considering that's taller than the average height of women. And they need to be vegan also. Nothing wrong with that but lesbians are already a tiny percentage of the population then one taller than average and also a vegan. You're going to be looking for that needle in the haystack for awhile I think.

Smileverydaybcwhynot: Yeah, this is a lot and I fit this except your height requirement. The diet thing is an interesting requirement. I've been a vegetarian for over 20 years but I don't care if my partner is or not.

No_Produce_Nyc: Girl if you’re 21 just please go date people, dating should be fun in your 20s, you’re not gonna marry whoever this is and you’ll probably have many relationships.

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Book recommendation: 'The Taste of Her Lips' by Natalia Zabiiako, Estonian-Russian Olympic Silver medalist former figure skater. It's a novel based on the real story of her & Russian-born Australian tennis player Dasha Kasatkina, two top athletes...

For now, you can buy it as an ebook only at their Patreon account: HERE.

This book is a fascinating emotional rollercoaster set in Moscow 2021, a beautiful story about two elite athletes fighting hard for love.

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So my partner broke up with me recently. Which, sucks, but ok. We were nonmonogomous while we were together so I have some other people I've been seeing that I plan to keep seeing. Question is i bought a vibrating strap on that I used on my ex partner once before we broke up (silicone, from wet for her). I don't really want to put to waste a nearly $100 toy that was used once, but I know it can't be boiled because of the electronic components. If I clean it thoroughly with warm water and soap do you think it's safe? Obviously i would be upfront with any new partner that it's not new and let them decide what they want to do. Should I consider it just a casualty and toss it away?

What people had to say on Reddit:

LateLavender83: I mean, it's Silicon, so it should be fine. But i don't think you can boil it with electrical components. Do you not have a toy cleaner solution? As long as it's disinfected in between partners. It's technically okay, though I guess some people might be uncomfortable. Edit: soap is technically enough for cleaning a toy.But I do personally use a dedicated cleaner solution.

Buff-equations: I’ve never understood only using toys on one person, clean the toys after each use and follow an STI testing/disclosure protocol and everything should be fine? If someone gets fluids on the bedsheets I don’t throw them out I clean them.. same for toys

Tsumei: Soap is honestly incredibly good stuff. They even use it in hospitals.

Good_Bit2989: I think this is a personal choice, as long as it is disclosed every time. I understand why you wouldn’t want the toy to go to waste because of the price. I personally have always gotten new everything when I get into a new relationship. New boxers, new strap, new lube, new everything 😅. I would be highly offended if my wife were to tell me that her strap had been used on another woman, but that’s just me. I’d say just disclose the information and go with the roll!

Onewishwillow7: Gentle soap and a dedicated cleaning solution later. Ready to be soaked in ejaculates again. Make sure the toy is fully dried after cleaning and wait at-least a day before re-use.

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Semi-lost Tumblr media: Types of Butch Lesbians

I miss the olden days of tumblr

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I was at work today and my gaydar was going off with this one girl, do yall think she also clocked me that I am gay?

What people on Reddit said:

Lovesosoft123: I would not think you’re straight lol! You’re not dressed for the male gaze. Kinda bubblegum punk femme

Haunteddaydreams: No one with eyes would ever think you're heterosexual

JellyfishDue7558: wait I'm trying to spell gorjus

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I like this. It flips the patriarchial take on its head.

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I am focusing on decentering men this year. What are some TV shows you love that have women as leads, are focused on them, and are really engaging?

Some replies worth sharing:

WanderingMinx: Killing Eve Hacks Deadloch! Ponies [sadly canceled after 1 seqson, but so good] A League of Their Own How To Get to Heaven from Belfast Derry Girls Blue Eyed Samurai Arcane The Class of '07 Agatha All Along Kleo The Queen's Gambit Yellowjackets

Crazyhobbitz: Hacks 💯💯💯

Low-Meeting1858: I absolutely love the cartoon Carmen Sandiego!! ✨

Sweetfemme3: Call the midwife, Golden Girls, Derry Girls (haven't watched the whole series). Now I will say there are men in these shows and relationships are present, though the plot generally doesn't revolve around men or a relationship to a man.

Yggdrasil-: Somebody Somewhere, Work in Progress, Shrill, Good Girls, Kevin Can F**k Himself, Carol and the End of the World, Undone, Dead to Me

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Like they don't make it a super big part of who they are is what I mean. Because I'm that way and I feel like most people are way more visible about it but that may be only because I'm seeing the visible ones and not the ones like me who are more lowkey about it.

I just consider myself a woman who has relationships with other women instead of men, like its more what I do and not necessarily a major identity of mine if that makes sense

A few notable replies:

AccomplishedRoom3887: I think the rhetoric of "not making being gay your whole personality" mirrors the same kind of rhetoric that homophobic people use. So I don't subscribe to it. Nobody ever accuses straight people of being too visibly straight. No, being a lesbian is not the entirety of who I am. But it's a huge part of who I am, what I believe, my moral compass, how I love and show up for my community. Everything is connected, and being a lesbian necessarily colors how I see and interact with the world. It's not "just a label" to me. It informs the core of who I am.

Weirdoinchains: Yeah I get what you mean, being a lesbian is just who I am. I live my life as is and I don’t really mention it until I say “I have a gf”, or “I like women” in context.

DaisyChained427: I don’t make “being a lesbian” my whole identity but it’s still a big part of who I am and how I understand myself. I have a girlfriend and I love my gf, I’m not going to hold myself back from talking about her but I also know when it is or isn’t appropriate to do so. I also just look queer in general—my hair, my style, my jewelry. It’s pretty easy for other queer people to clock me (and straight women) but men tend to not notice.

Poodlelover2005: I only really “flaunt” my lesbianism online, in real life it just doesn’t come up very often. I’m simply just a same sex attracted woman, the same way I have brown eyes or curly hair, it just is. Best way I can describe it lol

Internetgirl98105: same! of course I don’t keep it a secret that I‘m lesbian. however, it’s not all I am.

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Guys are delusional as fuck. Trying to pass off this shit like it actually exists.

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I went to an event for only saphhics and was very excited, since I'm a lesbian I thought it was a great way to build community and enjoy some time among people who are similar to me and understand me. I thought it was a great idea but when I told my parents they said that this is discrimination against men and straight women. Technically theyre(the people organizing the event) saying that these kinds of people are unwelcome and aren't allowed to come to this event.

So is it really discrimination? Is it ok to build community in this way and isn't it hypocritical? That we ask for equality and fight for it only to then do the same thing?, but maybe it's just a way to help this minority find each other?

What do you think? I'm very confused.

From the comments:

Roseonaglaive: This is a common tactic by homophobes. We're told we're unwelcome in society in so many ways and then when we make a space for ourselves to feel welcome we're accused of discrimination. They should be working to make society welcome us more, not work to eliminate the spaces where we do feel welcome.

Lflippz: I don’t know do YOU go to speed dating for straight men and women? Is that discrimination when they host it? Like what? Are women only trains in India discriminatory ? Like… Be secure in yourself. I think your parents just want something to bitch about

Flashy_Count4561: Não existe discriminação contra pessoas heterossexuais.

Sensitive-Memory: No. People are allowed to have lesbian events to meet other queer people if they want. Tell your parents to go search online for straight groups or they can host one.

Aboostofsarahtonin: To the majority, equity feels like discrimination. Because they’re used to being the default and being accommodated for at all times

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