Actual Lesbians

My life has changed so much in just a few weeks that I actually cannot believe it. I matched with a woman on a dating app and we’ve been spending time together, initially as friends, but the vibe between us from the first irl meeting was so intense. It felt natural, flirtatious, and easy, and I was feeling so confident and happy to be walking in public by her side.

We text throughout the day, and have hung out several times since our initial meet up. Fast forward to this week, she took me an event, and on a separate day I went to her place for the first time. YA’LL. She put a show on and we cuddled, and then of course spent the next 6 hours sharing our first kiss, making out, talking, laughing, holding each other. We spoke plainly about our feelings, and about wanting to see where it goes. I’m so blissed out. When I got home early this morning, I looked into the mirror, and genuinely didn’t recognize the happy eyes looking back at me. Was it actually supposed to feel like this all along, be this easy???

My past relationships with men made me so upset, nervous, angry, I always felt tense and on edge, and smoked too much weed whenever I could to get away from my thoughts. I would fantasize about being in a relationship with a woman, and get so upset that it couldn’t be my reality. But it could and will be!!! Free yourself 🫶

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Pride Month may be over but… let’s not forget 🏳️‍🌈

💕🌈

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My kid is as best ambivalent about my GF. I do not understand why because she is great with kids and great with my kid. My kid just does not respond.

I would marry her if I did not have my kid.

I unexpectedly had a lot of time off from work for a month. I just got back from 5 days in PA with my kid. We spent the weekend with my GF and her daughter (same age as mine) last weekend, then Monday-Thursday were in PA.

The plan for this weekend was to go to my GF’s (she didn’t have her daughter this weekend) this afternoon and stay til Monday.

My kid was literally in tears that she just wanted to be at home for a little bit.

It’s a very long story but I had to move back in with my mom and my brother ( I love him but he never launched) and her uncle is her favorite person.

So we stayed home.

My GF is mad at me.

I’m not thrilled to be at home. I wanted to go see her. I wanted to spend the weekend with her.

But I’m not going to put my selfish desires ahead of my kid just wanting to be home after being away.

She’s an amazing mom. If anyone should understand that it should be her. But she’s mad at her.

I get it. She had a hard day at work.

But…we can go up tomorrow and she has Monday off

I’m torn because her and I are fucking great. I love my kid. I got tricked into having her (it’s a long story) but I love her before everything else. But I’m annoyed that my GF is mad at me for not dragging my kid out when she desperately wanted to be at home. And my kid would have been miserable at her house and been shitty to her too.

She hasn’t even texted in 5 hours since I told her that I wasn’t going to come because she was so upset.

So I don’t know where I’m at.

Some standout replies:

BunnyLuv13: This sounds like a good opportunity for therapy.

Soupykins: Right call in this case I think but like, long-term, what if your kid never responds to anybody the way you hope

Xboxchick311: Why is your kid making the rules? Have you ever considered that your kid just doesn't want to share you? If you live with people, can't your kid stay home and you can go see your girlfriend?

Faustian-BargainBin: There's a lot here. Is gf frustrated and venting or actually mad at and blaming your child? Ofc if you suspect there's any chance that gf is going to treat your kid as an issue or less than, that's fine reason not to marry someone. If I were her and I was mad, I would probably be mad at you, not your child. On the other hand it may lead to you resenting your kid if you're letting them make serious life decisions for you, against your best interest and possibly theirs. A lot of kids don't warm up to step parents. Honestly though having a coparent is likely going to benefit her in the long run too. I'm also not necessarily hearing that your kid doesn't like her, just that she didn't want to be away from home. Not responding is also pretty different from disliking. How long has this relationship been going on?

Fundfacts123: It’s funny that you’re putting this all on the kid when it’s actually on you (and your gf too for that matter). You did not plan well. You knew you were going to be away for 7 days straight so why did you agree to schedule a second trip after as well? It’s entirely predictable that people (not just small children) would need some time at home for a breather. Once you scheduled your PA trip, it would be easy to look at your calendar and say “I don’t think I can do both”. And if you failed to do that, your gf could also have thought ahead and gone “Do you think you want to be away from home that long?” The bigger problem here is that you’re not taking responsibility for any of it. Also, it just seems like 90% of the story is missing. Unless your GF is really that unhinged (in which case definitely break up with her), why would she be flipping her lid over one missed weekend over a three year period? I think there are a lot more things going on that you haven’t mentioned.

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So over the past two years I have written a series of articles about lesbianism, the concept of a Lesbian Gender and most recently about how to approach sex itself if you're new to the whole lesbian thing, be it because of gender or sexuality realization reasons.

My hope is that by sharing the former I can spark some conversations about lesbianism, womanhood, queerness and people's relation to it. This is not authoritative but rather my own way of trying to understand my own gender identity as someone for who "Lesbian" clicks more than "woman".

The articles are:

The Lesbian Gender, where I make my case for the first time, that gender is complex and that being a lesbian can be one.

Gender Identity: The Sex, The Gender and the Holy Sexuality, where I expand on this idea and argue for a definition of gender that is both consistent with popular definitions of specific genders and allows for more complex ones, like Butch or, if gay men were to be so inclined, twink or femboy (though I don't make that case myself, they can write their own articles).

This then leads into the last article, which is authoritative. As current regional champion of lesbian sex — nobody else showed up to the tournament :( — I have written an article that gives you the basic tools to uncouple sex from phallocentric cisheteronormativity which is the sesquipedalophobic way of saying to stop thinking of sex as a thing between men and women, even if you're both women. If you don't have trouble with this, I strongly urge you to sign up sign up for the lesbian sex elimination tournament this article might not teach you anything but here too I urge you to add your thoughts (kindly and calmly). It also contains a lot of practical tips that are informed by both experience and conversations with lesbian sex workers, so who knows, maybe you'll learn something anyway.

It's called How To Have Lesbian Sex or You Too Deserve Pleasure. It's the only one that's a pdf because Patreon made me censor it lol. Oh and it is definitely NSFW, I talk openly about sex.

Anyway thank you so much for reading and I hope you get something out of it!

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New here, trans woman in TERF infested Singapore

I'm just glad this space exists

I been forced into celibacy for.....decades

63 this month. And feeling hopeless

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ok i know this is wishy washy and maybe inaccurate but i’m gen z and when i talk to older lesbians (elder melennials, gen x-ers and older) i am seething with jealousy about the version of queer community they seemed to experience. like the music - riotgrll etc, parties, the L word vibe …. i miss it so much and i wasn’t even there lol. everything now seems so derivative but doesn’t cut close to what it seems to have been in the 90s or wtv. even the music now sucks imo - (chappell roan etc) industry sell out type stuff. i just sometimes feel like the cool lesbian culture is dying out :( not to mention right now is a really hard time to be gay and specifically a lesbian in the US and i always wonder if it’s somehow worse than before? idk i’m just like mourning what could’ve been

i wanna add that i am NOT seething in jealousy over the dangers of being out at that time, just over the music/subcultures that have seemed to die out

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Rip. I even have a girl in mind but alas she is out of town and I’m working anyways

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Trying to beat the heat

I’ve never been comfortable showing off my stomach before, but I’m living through one of the worst heat waves I’ve ever experienced. I’m kind of digging this hot girl vibe???? When did I get so cute?!?

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Trailblazing Strongwoman Laverie "Charmion" Cooper

Laverie was born in 1875 in Sacramento and became known locally during the mid-1890s as a skilled performer on the trapeze.

Charmion became famous when she started performing at the Koster & Bial's theater in New York City in 1896. She attained nationwide fame not only because of her acrobatic skills, but also because of an apparently new part of her shows where she'd disrobe on the trapeze, tossing each article of clothing into the audience until down to flesh-colored tights.

Charmion was also eager to show off her muscles and included flexing routines in her act. She routinely curled 70 pound dumbbells for exercise, could tear chains apart with her bare hands, and once fought a professional male boxer in an informal match and kicked his ass. Once when a man tried to kiss her, she physically threw him down like a sack of potatoes and broke his jaw. Another time famed strongman Sigismund Breitbart publicly claimed that women couldn't be as strong as men. Charmion responded by challenging him to a weightlifting contest; he didn't respond to the challenge.

Her act was incredibly popular with women and marketed for women, which angered right-wing men who whined about how "indecent" it was and how inappropriate it was for women to watch (and for Charmion to throw underwear to women in the audience, which she was also known to do). Charmion responded to these complaints by mocking the losers for their prudishness and emphasizing the stripping part of her act even further.

A brilliant woman who was fluent in five languages, Charmion frequently wrote newspaper articles and gave public lectures in an effort to encourage other women to exercise and become fit like her. Charmion seemingly retired late in 1912, around the same time she married fellow vaudeville performer William Vallee. she died in 1949.

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in search of my femme babe

33, south american 👀

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She’s adorable

Sitting across from each other at a 4th of July party we had to go to (we didn’t want to go) 🫠

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Hey, I’m trans. I ask because I see a lot of “why are there so many men in lesbian spaces” posts here and even though almost always do I see affirmations in the comments that they aren’t talking about trans women I still feel a lot of second hand guilt over being here. I’ve heard too many stories of men going “you haven’t had the right dick yet” to lesbians here in their DMs or on apps like HER and I’m terrified of being just that. There was a post the other day here too of a woman sending mean DMs to a trans woman on HER accusing her of invading her “women only” app by having an account on there.

A lot of lesbians on here seem to attest that we aren’t the same as cis men, but I kinda want to know their experiences with us and how they really feel around us and if us trans girls ever come off as creepy as cis men do or if you feel we aren’t like that and more naturally fit into these spaces. I always see myself as being in spaces such as this sub as a privilege that I have to work for and can lose at any time as opposed to a natural right that cis sapphics have just by proxy of being born women, and if I lose that privilege by being a creep I have nobody to blame but myself…

Some replies that stood out:

GFluidThrow123: So...the question your title asks and the context your post actually gives are two totally different things. Cis men and trans women aren't the same. At all. Cis men are men. Trans women are women. That's not even debatable as far as I'm concerned. What you're dealing with is extreme insecurity. You need to love yourself more and recognize that you belong in these spaces because you're a woman. You're not an exception or a label with a little asterisk next to it. You're just a woman, plain and simple. Don't compare yourself to men. You're not one.

Efvie: Trans women are women means you, hon, and it also means everyone else. “Men are a problem in lesbian spaces” is a complete sentence and it’s got nothing to do with you except that they will bother you at some point too.

TwoTrucksPayingTaxes: I just want to say that you have the same right to these spaces as cis lesbians. You don't have to earn the right to be here, and cis lesbians with bad behavior should also be kicked. Cis lesbians aren't more naturally fit. Challenge those thoughts, it's internalized transphobia.

Bazbian: ““you haven’t had the right dick yet”” Well for one, I've heard this comment from all but one of the cis men I allowed into my life. I've never once had a trans woman try to push their genitalia on me. I admittedly don't interact much with trans women (at least none that are out), probably because I'm living pretty rural again but I'll tell a small story of when I was living in the city: I was in an abusive relationship, mostly financial but also emotional and she got physical with me a few times. When I finally had enough, an acquaintance who was a trans woman helped me escape and let me lay low with her for a few days until my friends could make the trip to come pick me up. I always felt 100% safe with her, whenever I visit the city for meetups or work I'll stay with her for a few days. I wouldn't feel this safe with a cis man, even my best guy friend who I've known for over two decades.

Pristine-Bison3198: I don't click with men. Friendship with men I'm not related to takes a lot of effort and setting aside discomfort in ways I don't have to do with even women I barely know. Never had to work on a friendship with a trans woman the way I have to with men. The discomfort and need for effort isn't there. Same as with any other woman. As far as being in these spaces, you're a woman, if you are also attracted to women, you belong in this space. The existence of assholes doesn't change that. I don't hear it as much, but when I was younger there were quite a few people who believed anybody who wasn't gold star didn't belong in lesbian spaces. That doesn't mean that they were right, it just means that they were dicks. Same thing with transphobic people.

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I’m a newer lesbian but my perspective of love has changed entirely

I’m dating a trans girl and we had sex yesterday for the first time and her first time ever and just. I’m so in love. It’s never felt like this and so intense but safe.

I’m head over heels.

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I went to a lesbian bar by myself for the first time!! I was scared to go in, but I made some friends, I met someone cute and asked her out, got rejected!! (Twice actually😂) I’m bummed but also proud of myself✨

I’m starting to feel like no one’s gonna like me again lol

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𝕀 feel like there are two ways I’ve been eaten out and I’m curious which most people prefer and why 🙃

1) she is sucking on your clit better than any sex toy could and makes you cum so hard and loudly rather quickly which was clearly her goal

2) she really is “eating” you out and savoring your pussy clearly talking pleasure in enjoying the way you taste and feel on your tongue but is barely paying attention to your clit

Please let me know because 𝕀 don’t know which 𝕀 even prefer 😅

What people had to say on Reddit:

Rosesurosie: !gif

Vsthegiant: 2 then 1 then 2 then 1 to finish

NoYak8654: Yeah, there should be a mix of both. Oral is just great.

Breakingpenjamin_: All of it, fuck it add fingers. Tounge and finger combo will do it for my girlfriend everyyyytime🤭

517_BBW: 2222222222

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Hey folks - I’m casually dating at the moment and going on a third date with a woman I quite like. I hooked up with a different woman earlier this week and she gave me some fresh hickeys (3 obvious ones in a row) down the side of my neck.

Even though we all know there’s no exclusivity and we’re all dating multiple people, I’m quite concerned this appears disrespectful. Should I call it out, wait for her to bring it up and tell the truth, or apply a thick layer of concealer and hope I don’t sweat it off?

We’re in the midst of a heatwave so I can’t wear a turtleneck or scarf.

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