Actual Lesbians

Had a conversation with my gf recently where it was revealed that she doesn’t want me to watch porn. She says she views it as cheating and she’s bothered that I don’t always think about her when I masturbate. And she asked me to stop watching. But I feel completely differently about porn. Porn watching was always completely common and normal in my past relationships, on both sides.

Personally I don’t feel uncomfortable by the idea of my partner getting off to someone that they realistically would never actually have sex with and probably stop thinking about as soon as they shut their laptop. I don’t want to tell my gf how she should feel but I also don’t want to be in the kind of relationship where watching porn is considered ”cheating”. I would like my partner to be likeminded in this way.

I guess this means we’re simply incompatible. Just want to know if anyone’s experienced something like this before and would love to hear thoughts.

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🦋🏵️Blossoming in the summer sun!🏵️🦋

Love how my hair and eyes look so different depending on the lighting! Summer is the best time of year!

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Badly want someone to play and squeeze my boobs like this

Looking at my boobs right now. They are so big and sensitive. I wish someone could play with them and lick my nipples.

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Highlights from the comments:

L3tthelightin: touches grass, intelligent, mature, independent, honest, in tune with her emotions, fit & athletic & takes care of herself physically, no addictions

GlowInTheDarkSpaces: Someone who is genuine, emotionally intelligent, warm, reciprocal, comfortable with intimacy, and tall.

Frierenjuice: someone who views you in good faith. it sucks when the default is to assume malice from you at every point of contention- turns everything into a you vs them instead of y'all vs the problem

Whbyul: all I ask for is someone who doesn't yell when angry or frustrated and has no problem communicating her feelings instead of going silent

Kaddras019: - Does not listen to country music - Likes lizards - Not religious or a republican

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Queer collective ass apology 🙄

This apology of so ass shit what is your opinion of this ass apology 🙄

Some comments that stood out:

Star_Guardian_Jen: So they address that they were transphobic, what they did, and why they were wrong ✅ Then they address that they were lesbophobic, what they did, and why they were wrong ✅ They make an odd choice to make sure to include bi people? And are transphobic to trans guys? ❌ Then agrees to follow constructive criticism ✅ If their words actually mean anything, it's not the worst apology out there❔ (That is, if they actually practise what they preach and don't immediately go back to being lesbophobic and transphobic, which they probably will)

Psapfopkmn: Shitty

Luci_Cascadia: That blather doesn't feel like a real apology for the recurrent Lesbophobia. And why did they qualify lesbianism as no attraction to "cis men". What? Lesbians have no attraction to men. If they believe trans men are men, why is that part of queer theory OK? Why do they think lesbians can fuck some men but not others?

Fine-Mail4400: Still hate them idc

Dearlytruly: they're really trying to pretend like they never said lesbians can fuck multiple men a year, and go "dick crazy." the fact that they titled an episode "why some 'lesbians' start dating men" and nowhere in that episode were they like "those people aren't actual lesbians" says a lot. one of the hosts literally said she was cool if people who fuck men misidentify themselves as lesbians, now they're trying to unsay that?

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Vintage Lesbian Pulp Covers Again

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I only have one sex positive friend to talk about this and it was the CRAZIEST experience of my life so im hoping this reddit will listen

Ive been out as a lesbian for about 9 years and ive only ever had one sexual partner like 6 years ago, which didn't last long. wasn't really great either so I believed I was asexual.

decided to give that a test and found a sweet girl on tinder who was totally okay with my lack of experience and we organised to go to her place

Guys..... my life was CHANGED. shes a trans girl and she was just so good and so experienced but so kind and sweet and respected my boundaries. It's been almost 24 hrs and my legs are still lowkey shaking I was folded like a pretzel, in so many different positions. My life has been permanently altered and I need someone to know.

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Hey, I’m new here. I’ve finally accepted I’m lesbian at the age of 25. I’ve probably known for a long time, maybe around early teenage years. But when you haven’t seen lesbians on the tv or real life at that young age - it can be confusing to understand and accept who you are. I dated men and kept thinking - why am I not feeling something, why do I get the ick about the idea of long term relationships with these men. So thankfully now I understand that I’m not broken, I was just on the wrong path. Now I’m single, and will never date a man again. Hopefully soon I will find a beautiful girlfriend.

Us lesbians who take time to discover and accept ourselves are so strong 💖

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Had a great 4th of July weekend with the wifey!

Got to visit wifey in Arizona and had a blast 💕💕

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I am not rich (I make less than 6 figures in a major city) but I have a comfortable life. I do not have credit card debt, I max out my retirement fund every year, and I have enough extra income to take an international vacation once a year.

I don’t feel like it’s a huge ask to find another lesbian in a similar place financially but it seems increasingly hard to do, even as I approach 30? I know so many het or bi women who date men who are very financially savvy even if they aren’t rich, but I’ve been struggling to find that among the women I date.

I don’t want to make it sound like I’m judging anyone, but it’s been really eye opening to me how many sapphics I know with full time 9-5s with benefits who just cannot manage their money. Like I’m talking still eating out multiple times a week despite being in credit card debt, or asking their friends to spot them money. Or who have a weird relationship with their homophobic parents because they still regularly need to ask said parents for money.

Idk it just feels so hard to find someone who is independently financially stable and who prioritizes savings/a retirement fund the way I do, and the way I see many het couples do. I find that so many sapphics live very financially “in the moment”.

Does anyone else relate to this? Do you have any tips on where to meet lesbians that are more financially savvy?

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I told my husband tonight and he reacted terribly. He’s so hurt and mad at me and wouldn’t look at me or speak to me. He essentially told me I ruined his life. He left and I don’t know if he’s coming back, and won’t respond to my messages. Please tell me it gets better, I thought I’d feel relief but I’ve never felt more hopeless

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I (24) recently came out as a lesbian, and I went on 3 dates w this woman (29) where we moved really fast. I honestly did not want to but I thought things were ok. She told me she wasn't able to feel her emotions and wasn't sure if she could be in a relationship. But she said she still liked me and wanted to go on dates.. and then said she didn't think she'd date anyone else if we didn't work out. And then she broke things off today. I was heavily leaning towards it but I also wanted to try and see if we could've slowed things down.

But like.. I just feel so used. I hate it. Like this feels worse than when I dated men... because we got intimate on the second date and all I wanted was a kiss :') but it turned into a lot more.

And now.. it's over and I just feel disgusting. I also realized I'm demisexual after the 3rd date so that didn't help either. But I just can't stop thinking about why she did all that just to break it off. I KNOW it isn't productive. But I just can't stop wondering why. Why do people who are NOT ready for a relationship end up on dating apps? Why was she at a singles event if she knew this already?

I just.. I really hate being intimate with someone I don't know that well. I have a lot of trauma surrounding it. I feel so disgusted with myself and with her. I feel like she used me. And I hate being treated like I'm too much, not enough, etc. I have done so much work on myself to be in a relationship so I don't hurt others. And it feels like no one else does as much as me or sees what I've done. Like I know it isn't my fault, it's hers.. but I feel like no one appreciates any of my effort.

I'll get over it, but right now it just sucks. Support, advice, or just commiserating would be nice. Why is being a lesbian so fucking hard.

Some notable replies:

Altruistic_Try_7043: I’m sorry you feel this way. Sometimes in the heat of the moment we forget where our boundaries are. To me it doesn’t sound like she was promising you any relationship. I think what may help is to communicate from the start what you’re looking for and don’t compromise if someone isn’t on the same page. Don’t hope that down the road they will change their mind! That’s a super common trap that lots of people fall into. Good luck!

FatherlessHaircut: If by "normal" you mean common, then yes. What you describe is quite common. If by "normal" you mean healthy, then no it is not healthy at all. If I were you I would get very clear on how you can participate in communicating and controlling the pace of relationships. Often times expectations are set by actions, not words. For example, I dont text someone I just started seeing every day or for hours on end. and I make sure to fill my time with thing I love to do and with loving friendships. It's extremely important (imho) to have strong friendships if you want to build a long lasting relationship.

Xiggyj: She said she wasn’t able to feel her emotions, which should have been a red flag. She dated you for a bit and then decided to break things off, this can happen naturally in any healthy dynamic. A person can feel it and then suddenly not. I’m sorry this happened to you, but from my perspective..I don’t see that you were used.

Chance_Egg8897: You're not too much or not enough. While this is a sad ending at least remember that she cannot change who you are, you've already done the work to be ready for a relationship and no one can take that away. Still a great person and not disgusting at all. Take some time for yourself and try to think of ways to be stricter on your boundaries. Just remember that the person who is meant to be for you will respect that you want to take time.

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February/février by Me

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I see people talk about “catalysts” like it’s some romantic story where you help someone wake up and leave their marriage and then everything works out. That is not what it feels like from the inside. It feels like you got dropped into the middle of someone else’s life and then became part of a story you didn’t want to be in.

When we met, she told me things were “basically over” at home. They had separate rooms, no intimacy, just logistics and kids. And at first it feels special…..you’re the person they come to when their life is lonely and unsatisfying. They say you’re different from their spouse, or they haven’t felt this way in years. You start adjusting your life around them without even noticing. You plan around their schedule and you accept less because there are kids and houses etc etc.

But here’s what that messed me up….even if they are in an “open relationship”, even if it’s “emotionally over,” they are still fully in their marriage. Holidays, dinners, money, parenting, sleeping in the same house. And you’re supposed to be the “other relationship” but also somehow feel equal and secure. It doesn’t work.

Whenever I asked for more, she would get overwhelmed and pull away. If I mentioned I went on a date with someone else, she would emotionally spiral. If I asked for clarity she would say she just needed more time. So I edited myself and suppressed my feelings.

The worst part is when the married partner says they want to leave “someday,” but nothing changes for a long time and you start feeling crazy. You start wondering if you’re asking for too much or if you’re being unfair. But your whole life is now built around waiting for something that never happens. I thought we were building something, but I woke up one day and realized I had no idea what she could offer me that was actually real vs what she just felt in the moment.

I’ve done the whole “bi woman staying for the kids” thing, and I left my marriage. I dealt with the fallout of choosing myself. I lost everything and rebuilt my life. I already did all the things she was scared to do, and yet being in love with me still wasn’t enough for her.

I still don’t know what the right answer is, I just know I can’t do that kind of relationship again.

Some notable replies:

CandidatePopular2542: A catalyst is the woman who makes another woman realize she is lesbian Please consider if dating a married woman is worth your time You deserve better

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Currently fighting the lesbian urge to turn ‘just a trim’ into the BIG big chop 😭✂️

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Hiking anyone?

This was taken at Kohler Andre state Park outside Kohler, WI. Does anyone else out there enjoy getting out on the trails?

What people on Reddit said:

CandidatePopular2542: That looks lovely I'm in Arizona and it's currently 104

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👍

For girls who don't currently have friends but do have a partner: how did you meet? I’m not looking for a specific answer; I’m simply interested in reading about your experiences and learning about the different paths that led to your relationships.

Some comments that stood out:

Gitankgrrl: Ok cupid. I have some friends of course but they don’t always lend themselves to dating.

Sub_Jessie90: My first girlfriend I met at 16 through a lesbian online support group. My 2nd girlfriend I met during college. She was my lab partner. My current girlfriend I met at a get together. (My roommate dragged me to it). She needed a partner for a work shop and volunteered me to be that partner haha We started talking after that and eventually started dating.

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