Has Anyone Else Struggled to Make Other Queer Friends?
I live in Arizona, and that may be the problem?
The most active and popular group events and bars are in Phoenix, and I live in a city far from there. If I drive, I have to drive and fight for parking. There’s not a public transit route available at most of the venues, and ride share is expensive because of the distance. Events also often occur during weeknights, which doesn’t work with my work schedule.
When I do make it to an event and meet others, I feel like there are already formed groups that appear close-knit and aren’t interested in adding someone new, or individuals aren’t interested in expanding their friend base.
Since September, I’ve tried going to events and attempted making friends. The connections that seemed down to be friends I’ve found I’m the one reaching out and trying to make plans while they regularly hang out with their core group.
I have a few queer friends I’ve made from work and hobbies, a bigger chunk of my friends are straight. It used to not bother me much, but as I get older, I’ve wanted more community. And I feel like I’m in high school again because the existing queer friends groups feel cliquey..
I know there’s still a ton of people who are doing their own other things and aren’t at these events, just don’t know how else to meet them.
Anyone else have struggles in their area? Is it where I live, should I keep trying? Should I try putting more energy into hobby groups?
EDIT: Thanks for the responses, everyone! It’s unfortunate it is actually a thing, but it’s really nice to know it’s not just me experiencing this.
Cherrib0mbb: Hi I’m also in Arizona! Located in Phoenix. I know exactly what you mean. Unfortunately the big sapphic groups are run by mean girls, and cliques form very fast. It feels very high school like you said. I met some of my friends at one, but we all are a bit more lowkey and don’t like the cliquey energy and don’t do those groups anymore. There are other options luckily! I personally have found a lot of enjoyment at the smaller queer meets. Events from Thems are nice and very community-oriented, and while people show up with friends, I find people are pretty open to chat. I personally really enjoy Stitch-and-Bitch at Pip Coffee and Clay, free crafting on Monday nights. Very easy to meet kind people there, often queer or very accepting. Queer Bingo by Sissy Art at Gracie’s is also where I have made queer friends! Flavor events are fun, but can be cliquey too and a bit on the young side with wannabe influencers. I know that the people who run it mean well though and want community. I don’t really even bother with going out to Boycott anymore. My girlfriend and friends and I enjoy Stacy’s and Gracies the most if we do go out. The Thems instagram is thems.phx Feel free to DM me if you would like!
_syrahlips: Very much so. But I’ve also been less available so I’m part of the problem. But mostly it’s just hard finding people who match well with me.
Powerful-Shock3896: I have lived in various places around the PNW and never struggled to make friends, even as a closeted teen I attracted a lot of other closeted teens. I moved to MN a couple years ago and have really been struggling! I agree hard with the cliquey groups and also a lot of friendships are built on partying, which I’m not into
WBrite: Yes and I'm in the PNW north of Seattle
CandidatePopular2542: I'm in Tucson Do they have any meetup groups or Gatherist groups in your area? Theres also Facebook groups and IG lesbian venues At least in Tucson there are
Originally shared by Neddea on r/ActualLesbiansOver25 on July 2nd, 2026 at 9:32 PM UTC.
