Follow up to my last post. Okay then introverted ladies, how would you like to be approached in the wild?
Okay my last post went off. I get it. I need to touch grass and shit, which I do, but I need to make serious effort if I'm to meet a girl. But truly... I've decided I'm so done with dating apps and I'm determined to meet a girl IRL of my own free will and organically.
Today I went to a different neighborhood and did the stuff I usually do at home (check emails, peruse the nets, do some light work on my laptop) at a cafe. And it got me thinking... fellow introverted ladies... in an ideal world, how would you like to be approached while out in public?
I'm an insane over thinker and suffer from some social anxiety only when either initially meeting someone OR in a big group setting. Beyond that I'm fine. But I have no clue how to approach a girl I think may be cute without feeling like I'm being overbearing, too forward, or creepy. Like I never would want to make someone uncomfortable... at least I'm pretty good at reading the room if the vibe isn't there so there's that at least. I would definitely end it and excuse myself if I felt that was the case. But I have zero confidence approaching.
But seriously... if you're introverted and you were at a book store or a cafe... what would peak your interest if a lesbian approached you lmao? Please send help. Here to take notes. Suck at flirting in the wild. Misread too many signals and have so many missed opportunities because I'm stupid. Thanks.
Guys. Are we just gonna sit here and stare at each other forever and not say a damn thing? I feel like everyone is reading or watching things that encourage the idea of approaching each other in a public space but then we're not supposed to in real life. It's crazy lmao. I know we're all day dreaming that we wish we would've said something to this person or wish that person would've said something to us cause we spent 10 minutes staring at each other. I'm just asking about the possibility of... if that happens, what's the best way to approach without coming across like some egoistical asshole who feels like they do this all the time?
Obviously if I complimented someone and they're just like "thanks" and nothing more, I'd walk away. Not everything has to work in absolutes where if I compliment someone, then I'm absolutely expecting to get a number and I'm going to linger and tap my foot or something. Half of this is about leading a more analog life, half of this is overcoming my social anxiety and working up the courage to compliment people. I'm in my mid 30's. I don't drink, don't go to clubs or bars. And I don't participate in queer gatherings because in my area, they are mostly filled with 20 year olds. I just want something organic and real and not manufactured.
Routine_Job_7985: I’m probably gonna be in the minority, but I’d love to be approached “in the wild” by another woman. As an introvert, I’m unlikely to leave my house to try to go socialize with strangers, even if I genuinely would like to meet more people in general. By all means, please approach me at the bookstore or in a coffee shop or wherever. Approaching someone doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re monopolizing their time or giving them unwanted attention. A great quick formula is to start with a compliment specific to a choice of theirs (hair, tattoos, water bottle stickers, book, etc), and ask a friendly question (preferably relevant to the compliment you just gave) that potentially opens the door to a conversation. Depending on the tone & details offered in their reply, you can gauge if they’re interested in continuing the conversation. If you think they might be interested, you can even clarify “if l’m interrupting you, please don’t let me keep you, I just wanted to compliment you on your taste in _____” to give them an easy way to confirm whether or not they’d like the interaction to end. Alternatively, if they seem genuinely interested, but one or both of you are in a rush, I like to keep a tiny notepad in my pocket to whip out & write my name & contact info to hand to them with a little “you seem like a really cool person, I’d love to grab coffee with you sometime, hit me up!” Then that gives them the ability to reach out if they’d like, but without the discomfort that comes with rejecting you to your face if they’re not. Best of luck!! :)
Usernames_suck_ok: You've used Reddit long enough, just based off the little of your profile I can see, to know we mostly don't remember specific posts by specific usernames. And you don't link to the post and you hide your posts/comments. I remember some post about introverts having it hard or something like that, but that's it. So strictly based off this post: I think this is the real problem. Not that it's uncomfortable approaching "cute girls" in public. But that a lot of women don't want to go to the bookstore or cafe and get approached, period. Personally, I don't appreciate being approached solely based on looks, as well. This is where it'd be nice if we all had lesbian spaces we could actually go to and have opportunities to talk and build familiarity, because then you're not talking to random people or being approached when you're just trying to do something else and it's conceivably not all about appearance. If you want to approach lesbians in public, find places where lesbians go *specifically to socialize***.** I don't think this is that hard to figure out. The hard part should be actually finding such places, unless you live in the mega cities or near them and somewhat if you live in/near the B and C-grade cities. This is also one of many reasons why I miss college/school, because school has built-in socialization to it. You can always take an LGBT class or try to attend LGBT events at local colleges/universities, depending. Like, the university where I attended law school had a "Coming Out Group," and you didn't have to be enrolled at the school to come participate. And I get that you're probably 25 or something like that, but please stop calling women "girls."
BrainSquad: I don't know if this is because I'm autistic or Nordic but I would be very weirded out if someone just... approached me... in a place like that.
AgreeableKale816: Eye contact, smile, and see what the reply is. If she meets it, smiles back, say hello. Basic, really. Then compliment a clothing/fashion/other choice and be clear in your manner that a "no" is absolutely fine and won't cause a reaction. Honestly, I think the lesbian sheep thing could be resolved a lot if we started giving and reading the classic "come get me" signals more reliably.
87cupsofpomtea: Mmm approaching people in public doesn't have to be a whole thing but you have to also be nearly radically accepting of any possible rejection. Try not to take it too seriously and definitely don't put too much stock in any of it. A compliment or offhanded but relevant comment can do wonders for sparking a conversation. But it can also just stand on its own too and doesn't have to evolve. You gotta be observant and honest though. If in a bookstore and she's looking at some books you recognize, mention the one that's on your tbr or that you've already read. Keep the comment positive though, like that you would recommend that or the sequel is even better than the first. Cafes are the same deal but again be observant. Make the comment relevant and positive. But not intrusive, and don't linger unless she engages and asks questions too. Honestly if you do it enough and don't expect anything from it, and keep it moving, it'll just get easier and easier to do. Anything can spark a conversation. And honestly even just practicing via talking to people you aren't necessarily even attracted to is good. Find the common denominator between you. I've been approached in a clothing store for outfit advice once. It was fun and cute. Didn't know what it probably was at the time but now I definitely do and wish I'd asked the two of them if they wanted to hang out sometime (platonically). I don't really like it when people talk to me in public but I will never have an issue with a woman, gay or straight, just being nice and making conversation randomly or a funny joke.
Originally shared by Trinitykills on r/ActualLesbiansOver25 on August 17th, 2026 at 4:25 AM UTC.
