Actual Lesbians

Being gay isn't a choice. I feel like something is wrong with me 24/7. Dating is impossible, maybe I'm just too ugly. I hate this. I genuinely feel so touch starved, it's making me depressed. Maybe I should give up. I don't want to live like this anymore.

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My wife LOVES giving long-session oral that makes me lose my mind for like half an hour. But then she never wants me to reciprocate, in that way or any way. I'm perfectly fine with that but then feel guilty and kind of selfish. Is anyone else in this situation? Should I just go with it. She insists, but...?

Some replies that stood out:

Aesk19: I don't think that was something that needed to be posted on reddit, literally just talk to her? the people of reddit can't speak for her, if she insists and you've already spoken to her about it let her but if you haven't communicated you should explain the way you feel..

Oniaiwasprettygood: Your wife sounds like a stone top. Some of us just don't having it reciprocated and prefer just always being the giver of pleasure. It's nothing to feel guilty about if you're only receiving, just enjoy the ride (especially if you only really want to give out of guilt or because you feel selfish).

LuckyLumineon: If people don't want to receive sexually, that's something you need to respect. But, I do think it's a fair request for you to ask her what you can do for a similar time frame that's all about her. If she can't think of anything (a bit concerning but not uncommon) I'd be ready with suggestions. Ever see a head massage asmr video on YouTube? You could do that for her. Like the other commenter said, some communication is in order here.

Pristine-Bison3198: I'm not exactly the same, but it takes a very specific set of conditions for me to be in the mood to receive that very rarely line up, and it's not something I'd ever want a partner to feel selfish for. Talk to your wife, make sure she's happy with the boundaries you guys have, ask if there's anything she'd like to change. It may well be she's totally happy with how things are and is getting what she needs from giving. You'll never know unless you have an honest and open conversation about it.

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(Light-hearted humour) In case anyone curious what a transfem online dating experience should be like

My girlfriend and I still write each other on Her despite being together for two months, and it’s cause we like to joke that “oooh this hot girl on Her is writing to me” at the same time as we are poly and genuinely looking for hot girls in our area too

Transphobia is a bitch. If I experience transphobia in rare cases from lesbian / girl-kissing cis women, it’s from ignorance which is often corrected immediately. I hope y’all who experience transphobia know what you deserve, and it’s nothing less than love as you like to take it.

And maybe a fellow cat you can meow in public with.

Inspired by this post (sad)

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Okay so I reluctantly reopened my HER profile.

Long story short I am going to be making a very drastic move to a different state and I want to take the last few weeks that I have in my hometown to experience things that I never got to.

When I was making my bucket list of things that I wanted to experience I wanted to save them for "first date moments". And now that I am reaching the point of transitioning into a different stage in life, I have the option to either have these experiences on my own, which I'm perfectly okay with doing, or I could just take the lead on my dating life and ask someone out. So that's what I did.

I started talking to this woman on the app we exchanged numbers, we met yesterday at the park and we really enjoyed each other's company, and I asked her out on a date. I'm so excited because this is my first time putting in the effort to actually exclusively see a woman.

I did explain to her that I will be moving so I'm not really looking for a serious relationship but I'm also not looking for hookups either. I'm mostly just trying to get myself in the pattern of learning how to build genuine connections. I've been single for the last 5 years, and the last couple of months I have lost friends and associates. I'd really just like to know that I'm not a total piece of s*** and people do actually like to be around me lol.

If things turn physical then cool but sex isn't my actual intent right now. And she knows that. I just want my last few weeks in my hometown to be fun and to enjoy it with another person before I leave.

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I just want to be a muscle mommy.

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UR GAY!!!

made this gif today actuallyyy

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Looking for stories of people who successfully changed careers!

Why did you do it? What do you do now? Was the process difficult?

Any advice?

I am prepping to go into plumbing. I have a bachelor's in sociology, completing a masters in project management, and instead of going into ed tech, I want to go into construction. I dont want to be trapped behind a desk anymore, and I have dreams of homesteading when I have the funds to start.

What people on Reddit said:

Notbipolar_: I used to work in theatre and now I’m a paraprofessional (like a teacher’s assistant.) I loved my career in theatre, but I hated working late into the evening, working weekends, and always being at work when my friends were off. It didn’t allow for a social life. I also hated that it was contract to contract, so every six weeks I was hunting for a new gig. I love my job now and I can’t imagine doing anything else. It’s stable, has built in breaks, amazing benefits. The hours are normal, I can socialize like a regular human, and it was a high demand job so I got hired easily. It was honestly really easy to switch over for me. I got recommended to be hired at the interview because I vibed with the principal and department so well. It only took me a few weeks to really get used to the new job and then I felt like I had been doing it forever. The kiddos clung to me right away and all the other teachers were very welcoming and I knew immediately that I picked the right school and that this was the career for me. Hopefully this was helpful in some way. Good luck!!

Warmvanillapumpkin: I used to work in entertainment (theatre and tv) and I now work for a major telecom in product management. I went back and got my MBA and made the career switch. I am so so much happier. Working in entertainment is hard and I am much more suited for this steadier life. I love my desk job.

Which_Dog_1804: I’ve been in the Army for years and just took the LSAT. I’m getting excited for law school once my contract is up. Scariest part will be the break between jobs… so make sure you have an emergency fund and don’t kick yourself for spending it!

Springfortheleap: I did more manual labor work, mechanic, land restoration, etc. I now work in a library but just because I enjoy helping people and the "social work lite" it provides. I consider going back to more manual labor type jobs all the time and would love an in between. But I'm happy with the switch so far. But it's hard not to have nostalgia. I started back at the bottom. Saved up, worked as a part time library aid for a little less than a year. Now I'm full time at a college library and starting my MLIS. I'd see what avenues might fund your education while transferring! You never know.

Dozennebulae: I tried a few different things in the past but most recently was a library assistant when I jumped into an electrical apprenticeship. Six years in and now I'm a union journeyman wireman. Besides the pay and benefits being great, I can travel and work anywhere my union has a local (in the United States). I did some research before applying but otherwise I banked on the apprenticeship process to really learn about the trade and work environment. It was a culture shock! The way construction jobs work is very different from white collar jobs (the cycle of layoffs, moving from jobsite to jobsite, the varied work from new construction to service van), and then the union adds on the values of brotherhood. I know more about physical labor and tools but I know less about house repairs than I thought I would. If you're getting a masters in project management, it doesn't sound like you intend to stay on your tools for long. But being a tradesworker is good experience for those higher up construction roles. Good luck.

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Selfie i took at pride a few days ago :>

My second time going to pride!!!

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added a book to my cart then looked at what else was in there..

if this doesnt scream loser lesbian idk what does

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[Awaria] Coming in Peace (@oseroplus)

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I'm going to tell my husband that I am gay tomorrow. I am terrified. We've been married 8 years together off and on for 24. I have been out as bi since I was a teen, but after my hysterectomy a few years ago I realized sex would never = baby and what little attraction I had towards men fizzled away to a point of being repulsed. I have tried to work through it but after several years and a lot of other crap later I am facing the potential end if my marriage. Wish me luck. 😒

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Recommendations to improve outfit?

I wore this outfit to Pride last weekend.

I purchased this top from Uniqlo on a whim about two weeks ago. I wasn’t sure how I was going to wear it, but decided to go with it.

I feel like the outfit is alright, but feel like it’s missing something. Should I try different pants? Different shoes?

The pants are also from Uniqlo. Clogs are Birkenstocks. Shoelace from my brother.

Here are some replies:

Frenkie-dude: I think it looks great! maybe if you want to add something, add jewelry? earrings, ring(s), chain/necklace. i like the keychain.

Cyb3r1a77: The top looks awesome!! I think for pants something baggier towards the bottom or wide leg would look awesome. Uniqlo’s sister brand GU has a lot of cool denim bottoms too, I recommend checking them out!! Fit is so sick overall🔥

Dizzy-Captain7422: It would look better with the Chucks.

Jessicamaevh: I think this would look a lot better with the books behind you. I love the shirt :)

Dangerous_Ad6827: Maybe add tank and open the shirt

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To preface this, I’m aware not all fem4fems are like this. In fact, I’d argue that most are some of the sweetest most supportive people I’ve met.

However, some of them can act sorta weird toward more masc presenting lesbians. It’s almost like they view the masc or butch as the “man” in the relationship, and automatically assume that butchfemme is heteronormative.

Part of this vent is fueled by posts I see on various social media platforms claiming they get annoyed that mascs show interest in them, and that they’re “mascphobic,” which surprisingly has more likes than you’d expect. However, some of it also comes from passive aggressive remarks by some fem4fems I’ve met.

I feel like if the roles were reversed and masc/butch lesbians started saying that they “hate fems” and they’re “femphobic” people would immediately jump on them for saying that and claim they’re misogynistic. But it’s also misogynistic to put down people who don’t conform to traditional “womanhood.”

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do i look straight?

I try and make more lesbian friends, but I don’t think they know i’m one of them.. a bunch of my friends tell me i look straight and idk😭 the only way ppl know im not straight is when i get seen walking around w my butch

Highlights from the comments:

Chains_And_Lilith: Yeah but so does every other gorgeous high femme 😂

Cautious-Company-967: You look gorgeous is what you look 👀 girlie ❤️

Backpainremedies: oh my god ur so pretty

Littlelesbean2002: You look like a baddie girlie, just add a sapphic necklace and you’ll be good

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First time asking something like this online, kinda nervous! I always hear stories about fellow mascs being strapped up in public, but how do you not make it obvious that you’re wearing one? When i try to wear pants over it, it is very clear that something aint right. Asking bc i have a hot gf that i like to you know 😛

Edit: incase it was not clear, im not doing it for the look of it. I wanna wear it occasionally when me and my girlfriend are feeling freaky

Some replies worth sharing:

Maybe-its-Keira: Maybe don't... There's a time and place to be freaky, and out in public is certainly not one of them.

Hcneystar: I wouldn’t recommend doing that at all 😭

206mixed: Straps simulate erect penises, most people with penises aren’t walking around erect 24/7 so I would not recommend doing this

VillageAdditional816: I really misunderstood this question for far longer than I should have. Mostly because the other interpretation is also a viable question in the US currently.

Nihhtwing: dont subject non consenting strangers to your kinks. not cool. leave this one as a fantasy

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This isn't really lesbian exclusive, but this is one of the better places to get a response.

First off, if you don't, then start doing that immediately.

When I was in high school, one thing that they always pushed in drivers education was to walk with keys in your hand. That way if someone is following you, you don't need to fumble in your purse or your bag for them.

Ideally, your car should be unlocked BEFORE you get to it.

My mom has a new car and it has one of those moronic features where you can unlock it by being in close proximity with the key fob by just placing your hand on the handle.

Problem with that is that it unlocks the driver side door and the vehicle needs to be manually unlocked from that side. And it often takes multiple tries and multiple seconds to accomplish.

When I told her that she needed to have the car unlocked before she got to it, she laughed and told me I was overreacting.

I love my mom, but she's an idiot. Women's safety should NEVER be taken lightly.

Some comments that stood out:

GlowingEmberSkull: I was told I had to have my keys in my hand so I could slash the hands and faces of anyone who accosted me in the parking lot. But yes, it's also important to get quickly into your car and lock all the doors, even if you don't drive away immediately. That said I also don't want all my car doors unlocked. I don't want a stranger able to get into my car as I'm approaching. But your mom DOES need the ability to get into her car without delays.

Wolfstar_Forever_: My younger sister is like that. I walked her to a school show in the dark once at maybe 15 and 12 or something. I was on sort of alert, not going by thr little alleyway paths, wary of anyone near us and the particularly shadowy spots. She thought that was silly. Some people don't get it.

Confirm_restart: I wasn't told, but I always did because I just used my imagination and thought about stuff like that. I was always looking for "failure points" and figuring out how to deal with them while they were still theoretical. Not out of paranoia, but just because I liked the challenge of finding unorthodox solutions and being prepared for whatever random shit life might throw at me (and it paid off more than once over the years). My current vehicle senses the fob, so my keys rarely leave my purse, however it hasn't failed me in the near decade I've had it, so I'm not too concerned about that aspect. I do carry pepper gel within easy reach, and I could always walk with that in my hand if I felt it was necessary. Failing that, if things really go sideways I've other options as well. Biggest and most important thing, IME, is remaining conspicuously aware of your surroundings and do your best to "own your space" in public. Those two things alone will usually deter anyone looking for an easy target. Definitely do those other things as well, but psychologically "beating" a potential attacker before they've settled on you as a target is often the best and most effective defense there is.

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I don't want to make this too long, but I wanted to ask: what has this stretch of life taught you about what you're looking for?

I'm already in this third season myself, and honestly, it's been a bit thin on plot. The writers really aren't putting any love into the storyline, and apparently there's no budget for new characters, because here we still are, haha. While I chat it over with the showrunners (aka me and all my past selves), I think I actually like where the story's going, it's calm. There was a turbulent season or two along the way, but honestly it was all just character development and growth.

After 5 happily single years, sorting my emotions out, I found this kind of freedom in how I think now, it's less about the emotional rush and more about confirming that the other person is actually emotionally available. I think what I've learned is that life comes down to communication and connection, and that no matter how gorgeous or sexy someone is (obviously physical attraction matters, that's what gets your curiosity and interest going in the first place), if there's no substance or depth, it all falls apart eventually.

So tell me, what are you hoping for this season, and what have you learned along the way?

Highlights from the comments:

Fuaded: I’ve come to accept that I’d rather be alone than date someone that doesn’t fully accept me for who I am and, frankly, vice versa

This-Register: I don't expect anything. I've come to the conclusion women just aren't attracted to me in that way because I'm autistic.

Bebangtheory: Been single for 3 years and My peace is non negotiable. What I want in a relationship is -> ~Honesty someone who is able to say they fucked up and willing to admit it. Being transparent. ~Loyalty and faithfulness. ~Able to handle hardships means if we go broke tomorrow we going to deal with it and fix it together. ~Mentally stable and don’t need drugs or alcohol to be happy. ~Someone who bathes or shower everyday specially before sex this is an ick for me specially if you’re a woman 🤢 like seriously even in public restrooms you see them leave their toilet seat with smeared doodoos on them 🥴😷 ~Who have some maturity in them, I don’t want someone who’s always serious as well so theres that. ~The most important thing is someone who doesn’t give up easily , most people don’t understand the concept of long term commitment. I know how to adjust and she has to do the same for us to work. If I don’t have all of this Im good on my own.

InfinitePhotograph61: In my 30s, my checklist has definitely shifted from surface-level, to emotional maturity and lifestyle. Here is what I want in a relationship: They have their world together & are self-sufficient: I want a partner, not a project. They should be financially, emotionally, and domestically independent. A "Best Friend" dynamic: I want someone I can genuinely just hang out with, laugh with, and be entirely myself around. Who isn't 'boring', meaning they can actually hold a conversation, have a bit of wit, and don't give one-word answers. Having your world together shouldn't mean losing your spark. I want that best-friend banter where the conversation flows effortlessly. Open communication: No mind games, no passive-aggression, I’m not a telepath. Just the ability to say "hey, this bothered me" and have a healthy conversation about it. No more riddles. We are not in a dark cave, and the ring is not in my pocket. Passionate about their work: I don't care about fancy corporate titles or salary brackets. But I do care about drive and attitude. Even if they work at McDonald’s; if they have that SpongeBob level enthusiasm for flipping Krabby Patties, that’s incredibly attractive to me. Tell me about the ingredients, I want to listen to what gets you excited, whatever that may be. Zero co-dependency or trauma-bonding: I want an interdependent relationship, not a co-dependent one. I love my independent life, and I want them to love theirs. We should be coming together because we want to enhance each other's lives, not because we're trying to use each other to heal unresolved past baggage or fill a void. Oh, and the ultimate final boss test: someone who passes my toddler niece and nephew’s vibe check.

NoturFaultitsmine: -Minimal shame around their body and sex -Good overall mental wellness -Enjoys being home but enjoys going out and being social every now and then -Open to spontaneity -Similar humour -Shared musical taste -Gets on well with my family

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