I fell for someone I shouldn't have. Not sure what to do.
Hi! I'm sorry this is a long one. I (36f) am married to a man, and we have a family together with 3 small children. Over the last year, I have been questioning my sexuality, and have discovered my attraction to women. I couldn't believe the attraction and desire I had been feeling once I finally accepted that I, at the very least, am bisexual. My husband had made me feel like I am not attractive, hadn't shown desire for me, and things had been very rocky over the last few years. He hasnt been particularly nice to me at home, and we had gotten to the point of feeling like roommates, not a married couple. I couldnt talk to him anymore, he wouldnt open up to me, and I felt judged, and had the feeling like he didnt care when I would open up to him. It felt like talking to a wall, he wouldnt ever say much to me.. this is where things had possibly started...
My daughter started school last year, and I had gotten to know her teacher, who was the same age as myself. Every time I went to pick up my daughter from school we would stay and talk, and would lose track of time...staying outside for upwards of an hour just talking about life, our kids, family, spouses, etc. During this time, I felt her enjoying spending time together, she would always make comments how she loved talking with me too. She would touch my arm when we spoke, and I could see her looking at my mouth when we would talk too (which kind of gave me the reassurance that I wasnt making this all up in my mind). Anyways, the friendship kept building and I started feeling more comfortable with her, and started opening up to her about things that I would talk about with my closest friends. I was so confused, then realized I must be developing feelings for her. She made me feel excited. She acted like she wanted to be around me, to spend time with me and talk with me, which i guess I had been craving since I wasnt getting that at home. I was getting this emotional connection that I havent been getting at home with my husband.
My husband and I had not spoken a whole lot about much besides the kids, but after talking with a friend, I had decided that I would tell him that I am bisexual. He wanted to confirm I didnt cheat on him, which I hadnt, but said he didnt care what I was, as long as I dont cheat on him. Heres the problem...I really enjoyed spending time with her, and liked how she made me feel. I dont want to leave my husband because I cant be without my children... but I also am not happy with our relationship. Its not what I expected, and im starting to see I could be happy with someone else, or even alone...
I dont know what im looking for....maybe I just needed to get all of this out.. if you made it this far, thanks for reading.
Highlights from the comments:
Over-Patience-69: This woman may or may not be a true love connection, but she is making you aware of two things: that you are hungry for connection and attention, and that you are attracted to women. I’d caution you to be aware more of what she’s showing you about yourself right now, versus believing that she could be someone you mutually fall in love with. When you’re lonely and neglected emotionally, you can get really easily attached to someone paying attention to you. I’d strongly advise you to resolve whether you want to stay married before starting a relationship with someone. Loneliness really clouds judgment.
Purplebadger9: “I was getting this emotional connection that I havent been getting at home with my husband.” “I dont want to leave my husband because I cant be without my children... but I also am not happy with our relationship.” It sounds like you're unhappy in your marriage and have been for some time, and that the only reason you're tolerating this is you fear losing access to your kids. Why would you have to "be without your children" if you separated from your husband?
Similar-Ad-6862: Irrespective of whether you're bisexual or not you need to sort out your marriage before you do anything else
Feliciasaysso: The other woman completely aside. I grew up in a family with two parents who “stayed together for the kids” and it was incredibly traumatic, I would have been FAR FAR better off if my mom had done what was best for her instead of having to watch my parents stay married in a relationship that wasn’t fulfilling them. Just to give an opinion from your kiddos point of view. Best of luck to you♥️♥️
Weird_elf: Hot take incoming. The relationships you have are what your kids learn as "normal". This is what they will strive towards in their lives. The longer you teach them, by living it, that the point of reference is "stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy, with a partner that makes you feel unattractive, for the presumed sake of someone else", the deeper that will sink in. Are you currently living the life you want your children to be living when they grow up? Are you making the choices you will want them to make? Because they learn from what you do, you are setting the example they will check their lives and plans against. Unless you want your kids to seek out partners like your husband and stick with them even though their needs aren't being met, that other woman aside, you will need to make changes.
Originally shared by Electrical-Rich-7133 on r/latebloomerlesbians on July 6th, 2026 at 1:28 AM UTC.
