“i embrace what i cannot control” acrylic on canvas, 36”x36” 💫💫
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“i embrace what i cannot control” acrylic on canvas, 36”x36” 💫💫

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walk w me here ,,,, nipple piercings ilya rozanov ,,
if i accidentally click the bitlife ad one more time on this freak butt app i’m just gonna have to download it or smth idk 😭😭
just finished s2 of the pitt ,,,,, insane pitt posting to come (trinity santos i love you so so much please marry me)
fic recc !! if you’re an enjoyer of hollanov angst, pleaseeee read !!! the author’s characterization of ilya and his relationship w physical touch ?? oughhh im sick to my stomach !!
https://archiveofourown.org/works/82646336?view_adult=true

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despite everything, it’s still you
im grateful for my younger self ,, shout out to that little weirdo !!
Editorial illustrations for a conference discussing AI’s impact on communities.
ever since Jacob said that the show is formatted through memories I can’t help but notice that structure even more significantly. The hockey games are a blur, we don’t see them, because in Hollanov’s memory, the only thing that stands out is each other. It’s exactly how memory works, especially when you love someone- the reality of it blurs over time, but they remain vivid. You fixate on certain details, touches, kisses. (One of my favourite scenes in the whole show is Shane talking to Rose and remembering his encounters with Ilya)
I honestly think this conscious decision throughout is what makes the time jumps completely seamless, because we’re still grounded in the emotional reality of these memories.
It’s what I personally like to call ‘trim the fat’ writing, which so many shows fail to do, with bloated scripts and way too much exposition and audience handholding. JT said ‘fuck that’ and I respect it heavy
anyway I love the little vignettes. #ourvignettes <3
Ilya can't go back to visit his mother's grave, but sometimes higher ups from the Treasury Board in Canada do go on diplomatic missions.
David who's assigned to go on a trip to Russia after Hollanov's been outed, because he's been picking up Russian and it would be a good temperature read on the Russian counterparts.
David who visits Irina's grave and spends time cleaning it up, lights a candle and sits until long after it's burned out.
David who tells Irina about Shane as a child, who tells her about all the ways Shane and Ilya fit together, who tells her about the puzzle nights and the cookies and cream ice cream and the blanket they keep specifically for Ilya on their couch.
David who reassures Irina that he helped Ilya with his cuff links on his wedding day, tells her not to worry about her boy.
David who tells Irina that her son is so loved and cherished.
David who plants a little maple tree as a "sign of friendship" in a park across from the cemetery Irina is buried in. He got to pick the place, and he made sure she would be able to see it.
Edit may 3: Hey if you're here from threads :) Love getting jump-scared with my own tumblr post getting screenshotted (this is fine i promise, they credited me properly) but jfc. Right in front of my salad???
Yes I kissed the brick :D
confess, i’ve loved you from the start!!

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thinking about shane hollander who never got to come out on his own terms. who was caught with ilya at the cottage by his dad. who told his team he was gay and didn’t even tell them the rest but they reacted as badly as he could’ve hoped. who was caught on camera with ilya by the whole world. shane hollander who sees scott coming out to the world in the biggest moment of his life and doesn’t even entertain the idea that that could be him. shane hollander who sees troy come out and celebrate pride night and can’t find a place for all of his anger at the world. thinking about shane hollander
!!!!! as someone whose lowk toxic trait is consuming queer media and getting jealous when characters can come out and be accepted, THIS! shane hollander you are allowed to be mad!!! you are allowed to grieve what could’ve been and acknowledge that this is not a possibility for you !! oh, shane hollander ,, the world supports you <33
hr au where shane continues to date rose landry, eventually proposing because “it’s the right thing to do”
the tabloids go crazy over this celebrity marriage ,, (after all, who wouldn’t get excited over the two hottest people on the planet earth getting married to become some sort of superhuman power couple??) EVERYTHING is recorded and posted. looking for a wedding dress? rose had to fake try on multiple dresses just to fluke the paparazzi. holding hands and looking for a venue? stealing secret kisses whilst cake tasting? the world knows.
and unfortunately, so does ilya rozanov. he’s had to physically remove all television devices, all sources of social media from his home. the temptation to tune into what his shane is doing now is too strong. (except he’s not “his” shane anymore, is he?) his teammates try to talk to him ab the new “golden boy of hockey” drama and ilya just walks away. he’s never been in a worse mood, never been more aggressive on the ice. (and believe me, certain people have noticed an uptick in his anger alongside the decrease in montreal jane)
a few times, ilya has actually checked his phone, just staring at his conversations with “jane”.
“I should be who you’re engaged to.”
he doesn’t sent it.
a few times after that, he’s seen a few little typing bubbles pop up from the phone on the other side. nothing ever comes through.
the wedding eventually rolls around. a big, public event. anyone who’s anyone who even just knows someone is invited. unfortunately, ilya registers as nobody.
the wedding is live-streamed (bless her, yuna will NEVER miss a marketing opportunity), and ilya watches from home. alone. nobody’s heard from him in a few days.
nobody gets to see his teary-eyed reaction when he sees shane in his wedding suit for the first time.
nobody gets to see how his hands shake when the couple exchanges rings.
nobody gets to hear how his voice quivers, whispering his own vows to shane, speaking over rose landry’s.
nobody gets to read the letters upon letters of explanation or apology that he’s written to his love, knowing full well he’ll never send them.
it’s all too little, way too late
“you always said how you loved dogs”
FUCKKKK diva you gotta go face the unceasing terror of putting yourself out there and possibly facing rejection just to find human connection ,,, go clock in this is your new 9-5
my favorite bit is how everyone understands that ilya managing to pull shane was crazy
shanes friends are all like "dude youre with rozanov??? why are you settling" and ilya friends are like "how tf did you manage to pull shane hollander, the best player in the league???? dont fuck this up you dumbass, you literally cannot get better than him, PLEASE do not fumble him"
hayden talking to marly going "your friend does not deserve shane even a little bit" and marly nodding sagely like "yeah i fucking know. i already told him if he fumbles hollander itll be the worst loss of his life, including the olympics"

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urgh kinda wishing connor’s team went more all out for his look !!! like it’s def a serve but like for a guy who is historically more alternative and more adventurous w his fits, this would’ve been the perfect opportunity to display that side of him !! let him break out of basic and bloom into avant-garde !
i’m sooooooo excited for the met gala like !!!! their serve is gonna be SOOO astronomical and like w the theme of art is political OUGHHHH art is political !! being queer w the current state of the us IS political !! now is the time to be making statements and they’re currently some of the most influential people to be making them