Fuck

to my beautiful son, i leave this picture of a sweet dragon i found on google images when i typed in cool dragons

The police pull my lifeless body from a lake but I’m wearing the funniest hat they’ve ever seen and they can’t stop laughing and keep dropping me back into the water

I don’t care why, this is hysterical.

You, the queen of a fairy tale kingdom, got cursed to give birth to a princess who’s going to live her life isolated in a tower the first 20 years of her life. Narrate how you avoid your daughter’s fate.

Love this.

ah yes they call me “No Queue” Jones because I post everything I reblog at once with no breaks in between and then vanish into the night for extended periods of inactivity

im petty in the most discreet ways u may talk slick to me but if ya spoons go missing n u only got 1 left or ya toilet roll on the other side of the roll or ya microwave on its lowest setting jus kno it was me u bitch

if you think shoplifting is bad you should see what our government is doing

not all who mcfreakin wander are mcfreakin lost

I’m the guy from the lady and the tramp who gives stray dogs pasta and stands in an alleyway playing an accordion for them

[slides nasa $20] so, tell me about the aliens