up on the dice, but low on the cards ♪

73,000 words @ ao3

Two days before the concert, most of the staff and band loaded up the tour bus and hit the road. Castorice personally drove Hyacine in her car so she would be more comfortable, and Phainon drove Mydei in his while they followed the bus, which presented Phainon with a problem he hadn’t anticipated.

“This is tough,” he mumbled as he tapped the steering wheel.

“What is?” Mydei asked.

“Since they expect us to follow everyone else the whole way, we can’t really stop for a little private time, you know?” Phainon sighed. “No roadside blowjobs today, I’m afraid.”

“How tragic,” Mydei said dryly. “But perhaps if you behave…”

Phainon immediately perked up. “If I behave? What?”

“Well,” Mydei grinned. “There’s always the trip back to Okhema, isn’t there?”

65,000 words @ ao3

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50,000 words @ ao3

“Oh… hm. That means security shouldn’t be too much of a hassle, at least.”

Mydei studied his expression, as if he was searching for something. “…Are you pouting?”

“Mydei, please. I’m 26 years old, and a very cool bodyguard. I don’t pout.”

“It sure looks like pouting to me.”

Phainon laughed a little. “No, it’s just… I’m excited that the band is getting to perform again. But I think it’s rather unfortunate that I won’t be able to enjoy it the same way I do during practice at the studio, since I need to do my job.”

Mydei’s smile — even though he’d seen it hundreds of times — made Phainon’s chest feel warm. “That’s true. But I could always give you a private performance instead. It may not be the same experience as a concert, but…”

He looked over, and his smile grew even wider when he saw Phainon blushing as he clutched the steering wheel just a little too tightly. “You’re looking a little flushed. Something tells me you’re not just thinking about the music now.”

“Oh, haha… who, me?” Phainon laughed. “I’m not sure what you mean. I am a paragon of virtue, Mydei. I definitely wasn’t thinking of anything inappropriate.”

“That’s too bad,” Mydei said. “Because I certainly was.”

50,000 words @ ao3

“Well… this is it.”

He’d brought Mydei to a small hill overlooking the field behind Cyrene’s house, along a stone path that had little blue flowers growing on each side. A massive oak tree cast a shadow over the hill, and beneath its boughs were four marble gravestones that were clearly well cared for.

“One for each of our parents,” Phainon said quietly. “At first, it was nothing more than a few scorched rocks. But as the years passed, we were able to give them something better.”

Mydei stood still for a moment, deep in thought, and then let go of Phainon’s hand so he could kneel in the grass.

“It’s nice to meet you,” he said quietly. “My name is Mydeimos. But you can call me Mydei.”

42,000 words @ ao3

Mydei’s breath was hot against his cheek as his fingers came to rest on Phainon’s throat, tracing the lines of his golden tattoo as he felt for his pulse. It beat wildly beneath his palm, far too quick, and he could feel Phainon beginning to tremble in his arms.

“Your heart is still beating so fast,” Mydei said softly. “What are you so afraid of?”

“I… I don’t know.” The words were choked out, and he gripped the back of Mydei’s shirt tightly, as if he thought he might disappear. “I don’t want you to think less of me for this.”

“I don’t,” Mydei promised. “Breathe slowly, Phainon. Focus on me right now.” He held him closer, his arm wrapped around Phainon’s shoulders beneath the blankets, as if he was shielding him from the world. “It’s just you and me here. Breathe.”

Even though he was nearly dizzy with the panic rising in his chest, Phainon tried to do as he asked. Some of the tension left his body, though he still held onto Mydei like a lifeline — and then his eyes widened when he heard a soft melody in the darkness.

42,000 words @ ao3

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26,000 words @ ao3

In all the months they’d lived together, and all the many times they’d been in the hot tub, Mydei had never once peeked at Phainon in those brief moments where he was getting into the water without his towel on.

But things had begun to shift between them long ago, and Phainon nearly losing his life only seemed to add fuel to the fire burning within. The desire to look and to touch was a damnably persistent thought — one that he couldn’t quite seem to get rid of.

He was staring resolutely at the red curtains, trying to resist, when he suddenly felt Phainon’s hand on his arm.

“Are you all right, Mydei?” he asked softly. “You’ve been quiet since we left the gym.”

When he looked over, Phainon was only inches away, so close that Mydei could see water droplets from the shower on his eyelashes. A bead of sweat slid down his neck and over his sun tattoo, and it took every ounce of Mydei’s willpower to keep his gaze from following its path downward.

“I’m fine.” He focused on the curtains again, hoping that he could force his racing heart to calm down through determination alone.

It didn’t work, of course. Especially not when Phainon leaned in even closer. “Are you sure? Did I actually hurt you while we were sparring?” His hand moved from Mydei’s arm to his chest, and Mydei shivered as Phainon’s fingers trailed over a bruise on his skin. “This one looks a little bad. Maybe I could get you a cold compress?”

“It’s not that,” Mydei said, his voice a little strained. ”…You know what you're doing.”

26,000 words @ ao3

“I’m not going to just sit back and let you get yourself killed if I can prevent it,” Mydei said quietly.

“I’m not that easy to get rid of, I promise.” Once again, he leaned in closer as he spoke, with that charming smile that reminded Mydei of what he might lose if something went wrong. “But even if I do end up dying—”

“Don’t martyr yourself for me.” The words were hardly more than a whisper, raw and burdened with years of grief. “I’ve already had enough of that to last a lifetime.”

Phainon went quiet for a moment as he tried to understand. “I… I know what happened to your friends, but—”

“Do you think it would make me happy if I had to bury you too?” Mydei asked. “Do you think it doesn’t matter whether you live or die as long as you accomplish something? Your life isn’t something you can just throw away. Not anymore.” He looked directly into Phainon’s eyes as he spoke, as if to challenge him. “You forfeited the right to do that when you became an inseparable part of other people’s lives.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Phainon said quietly. “I just… I want to protect you, Mydei.”

“Then do it without dying.” As harsh as the words sounded, each one was spoken with both affection and fear. “That wheat wasn’t planted to become a memorial. It’s there because I want you to be a part of my future. Not my past.”

For a long moment, Phainon was silent as he considered everything Mydei had said. Eventually, with an apologetic but affectionate look in his eyes, he grasped one of Mydei’s hands and pressed a soft, gentle kiss against his knuckles.

“Their persistence is concerning,” Phainon said. “I’ll see if I can find any info on the phone numbers after we finish here.” He handed Mydei’s phone back, but still hadn’t moved away, and Mydei could feel their thighs touching beneath the surface of the water. “Are you worried?”

No, Mydei wanted to say. Should I be? But the bravado felt weak when old losses lingered at the edges of his thoughts, entrenched in memories of being stalked across the Kremnoan countryside by his father’s assassins.

His silence seemed to be enough of an answer for Phainon. “I won’t let anything happen to you,” Phainon murmured. When Mydei still didn’t meet his eyes, Phainon gently grasped his arm and leaned in even closer. “I won’t let anyone hurt you, Mydei," he promised. “I’ll kill anyone that dares to try.”

What Mydei wanted to tell him was 'I’m more worried about you getting hurt than me'. But the sentiment felt awkward, and uncertainty kept him from saying the words out loud. “It goes both ways,” he finally said after a moment of heavy silence. “Like I mentioned before. You’re watching my back, so I’ll watch yours too.”

That seemed to relax Phainon a little, and he smiled as he brushed a strand of hair out of Mydei’s face. “You know I’m the bodyguard here, right? I’m the one that’s supposed to be putting my life on the line.”

“I’m not going to just sit back and let you get yourself killed if I can prevent it,” Mydei said quietly.

“I’m not that easy to get rid of, I promise.” Once again, he leaned in closer as he spoke, with that charming smile that reminded Mydei of what he might lose if something went wrong. “But even if I do end up dying—”

“Don’t martyr yourself for me.” The words were hardly more than a whisper, raw and burdened with years of grief. “I’ve already had enough of that to last a lifetime.”

a lengthy post-era nova oneshot, exploring concepts like: what if Mydei was phobic of deep water?

"I used to play here all the time when I was younger," Phainon said with a wistful smile. "Swimming on a sunny day after harvesting wheat… it felt like paradise then. Oh, hey, are you hungry? It's almost lunchtime, and I can catch some fish!"

"With what? Your bare hands?" Mydei asked with a raised eyebrow. He watched as Phainon took his shirt off and tossed it aside, unable to hide the way his eyes lingered just a little too long.

"That's the plan," Phainon smiled as he waded into the water. After only a few steps, it was already up to his chest. "Come on in! It's nice and refreshing!"

But his smile faded when he saw the uneasy look on Mydei's face.

"Mydei? Are you all right?" he asked softly.

"I'm fine," Mydei said just a little too quickly. He took a step closer to the shoreline, but when he saw how far the sea stretched beyond the horizon, a strange chill swept over him, leaving his skin prickling with cold sweat. A wave of sudden dizziness left him unsteady on his feet as he tried to get himself under control, but he felt vaguely sick as his heart began to beat far too quickly.

He remembered. He remembered all of it — the countless times he had drowned, being just a child and suffocated by the cold waters of the Sea of Souls as his lungs filled with water over and over and over—

Phainon was beside him in an instant. There was no hesitation as he reached forward and placed a hand on Mydei's arm, and though the concern in his eyes was touching, the truth of the matter left Mydei feeling somewhat ashamed of himself.

"Let's just sit here," Phainon said gently.

"It's not a big deal." He didn't meet Phainon's eyes as he spoke.

"It's bothering you, so it is a big deal," Phainon insisted. "It's the memories, isn't it? You… so many times, you…"