Soostan Month

The gopher-man's smile fell completely, eyebrows burrowing and bunching up just above his eyes.

Before Soos could argue, he spoke again. “Just be glad I had the decency to do this while no one else is here. I don't wanna make a scene or make this a whole big thing. The thing is, I'm too old for you, kid.”

“But–!”

“I know what I said before, but think about it – I've got, what? Thirty years on ya, if not more? You're barely older than the kids, Soos! We're on completely different planets.

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't like ya, but you should be datin’ people your own age. And so should I. I'm puttin’ my foot down, okay? So even if I come crawlin’ back to ya, ya gotta tell me no. For both our sakes.”

Soos’ eyes were wide and watery, searching his own for any hope that what he was saying wasn't true. And it wasn't as if he was lying. Soos *was* a good kid. But he wasn't good enough for Stan. Not old enough for Stan. And, really, not smart enough for him, either. Ford was still plenty angry at his brother, but Stan was intelligent enough to at least clean up the mess he'd made. And clearly, he'd been lonely enough over the past three decades to entertain dating someone barely above the age of majority. Someone too simple, too immature, and too young for Stan's tastes.

He may have ruined Ford's life, but that didn't mean Ford wasn't big enough to prevent Stanley from ruining his own. It was underhanded, sure, but it was for the greater good. Besides, it wasn't as though Stanley was any stranger to underhanded tactics.

“I ain't tryin’ ta hurt your feelings, kid. I just want what's best for ya. Ya know that, right?”

Soos’ eyes shifted around the empty gift shop, as if one of the cheap novelty items could give him an answer to persuade Stan otherwise. Then, they fell back onto Ford. He simply stared at him for a moment. Then, he squinted. Ford took an immediate step back as the younger man leaned in further, scrutinizing him.

He stepped even closer and Ford leaned back, his own eyes darting about in an attempt to not meet his intense eye contact.

“Uh, what– Soos, what is this?” He laughed nervously.

Soos held him there with his eyes for a few moments longer, running them over his face, before he pulled back with a smile.

“Good one, Dr. Pines! You almost had me there for a second.”

“I– Wh–?” How in the Hell? “No, Soos, it's me, I'm serious.”

“You can't trick me, dude, I know Stan way too well.” He puffed his chest out a bit, as if satisfied with himself.

“Hey, Soos!” Stan, the real Stan, called from a room away. “Have ya seen my glasses? I can't see shit like this!”

“Right here, Mr. Pines.”

Before Ford could even comprehend it, Soos had plucked Stan's glasses from his face, whirling around to present them just as the blurry outline of his twin walked into the doorway. Ford ducked away to quickly fluff his hair up. He turned back and perched his glasses on his face in time to watch Stanley do the same.

“Thanks, Gumdrop,” Stan leaned forward to press a kiss to his cheek. Stan's gaze turned to Ford next. “Why are you in my suit?”

Ford coughed, dropping into his natural speaking voice. “I think you'll remember it used to be Dad's suit.”

“You tryna rub in the fact that you can fit in it without a girdle or somethin’?”

“I think it looks way better on you,” Soos commented.

“‘Course ya do.”

“Though… I think it'd look better on your bedroom floor.”

Stan barked out a laugh. “Hey, no gettin’ randy before work.”

“Yes, sir!”

Stan pointed to Ford, expression suddenly seriously. “Speakin'a which, I need that back. I've got tourists comin’.”

Soos' fingers were absent-mindedly petting the bright orange fur of the stuffed beaver Stan had gotten him when the carnie was distracted. The atmosphere was trying to make him drift off, but he didn't wanna leave Stan alone.

"Are all your business trips that cool?" Soos asked, and Stan gave him a glance.

"Usually I win a little more at blackjack." Stan hummed. "But yeah, usually. Why, offering to be my hired muscle on the next one, too?"

Soos snorted. "Yeah, I'll get sunglasses and an earpiece and say codes to make it look cooler."

Stan chuckled. "Everyone at the table'll be pissing themselves, you don't bluff a man with a bodyguard - my personas are moving up in the world."

Soos smiled. "Hell yeah, so when's our next business trip?"

"Ah, not for a few months, gotta give the rubes time to grow their fleece back. Plus, my nephew's starting to get a bit pushy with visits, he might just throw my grand nieces on a bus one of these days." He said, and Soos sighed. He punched him lightly on the shoulder. "Don't you start moping, brat, the Mystery Shack can't just take every week off, and neither can you. I need you bright and early to help me get the gnomes out."

"Yes, sir!" He saluted, and Stan shoved his cap off th ruffle his hair without looking. Soos leaned into it. "Hey! Um. Maybe you should stay the night at my house then. You know, since the gnomes might be in your room and stuff..."

Stan let the arm fall around his shoulder. "We've been walking on eachother's ankles for a week, kid, you've gotta get sick of me sometime."

"No way, Mr. Pines! I probably wouldn't even if you were, like, keeping some huge world-ending secret from me. Or if you had a lame plot twist like an evil twin."

"Ha!" Stan laughed loud enough to startle Soos a little. "And you think I wouldn't be the evil twin?"

"Nah, you're the best. Plus, you don't even have an evil moustache."

"Shoulda' seen me in the 70s, Kitten, I had the filthiest porno 'stache you've ever seen."

"Really?! Could you grow it back?"

"Not if you paid me, I left my moustache back in Hollywood and I'm never goin' back."

Soos looked mystified. "What did you do in Holleywood?"

Stan snorted. "More like who-- ah, I mean, what didn't I do? You know I've got a bit of a history." He saved, rubbing his eyes a little and taking his hand off Soos' shoulder to do it before putting his hands back on two and ten.

Soos turned to face him as much as he could. "Could you tell me about it?" He asked.

"What're you trying to know, kid?"

"Did you sleep with anyone famous?"

Stan choked on his own spit, nearly swerved off the road, pulled onto the shoulder and then burst out laughing. "What the fuck, Gumdrop?" He cackled. "You - alright, just for that, I'll give you one."

Soos went silent.

"Richard Dreyfuss."

Soos sat right up. "The guy from Jaws?!"

"Same guy. He wasn't the one using his jaws, though, if you know what I'm saying."

"What was it like?"

"Eh, 7 out of 10, he shared his coke."

"And... Compared to me..?"

Stan froze up like a startled deer. "Kid, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas."

"So worse?"

Stan sighed. "Not what I said."

Soos held his stuffed beaver closer to his chest. "I want a redo." He said firmly.

"I dunno what that means but--" Soos leaned over and kissed him and it was awkward and he only got the corner of Stan's mouth.

Stan sighed, bringing his hands up to Soos' shoulders and gently pushing him back. "Kid, you're killing me."

"Just one redo! I promise I can do better than the guy from Jaws. Maybe more than one redo for that, but still! Just gimme a chance--"

Stan yanked him forward, crashing their mouths together hard enough their teeth clacked together but Soos still melted into it, dropping his beaver in the cup holder and wrapping his arms around Stan with crushing force. "Do you know, " Stan murmured between kisses. "How fucking good you are?" He asked breathlessly. "You drive me up the fucking wall." Soos huffed, and Stan bit his lip. "You think you're anywhere close to some fucking John?" He broke away, grabbing both sides of Soos' face. "You got nothing to prove, you're fucking perfect."

Soos pawed at his floral button-down. "But I want a redo. Wanna go again."

Stan groaned. "Fine, but if we get arrested bail's coming out of your salary. Pants off."

Soos immediately started awkwardly shuffling his shorts down his legs, forgetting the zipper entirely. Stan caught his chin and brought it up. "This isn't a serious thing, you should still be messing with guys your own age." He said, and Soos leaned forward to kiss his cheek. He grumbled, burying his face in Soos' neck and shooing his hands off his shorts.

Soos huffed, squirming in his seat, one hand in Stan's hair. Stan pulled his cock out of his shorts, jerking it short and dry just to hear him whine about it.

"Th' is gonna be a bitch on my lumbar." Stan bitched against Soos' neck. "Pull your seat back."

Soos did the second Stan detached from his shoulder - bruise hidden immediately by the neck of his shirt - and looked down his nose at Stan like a kid at the dentist, no regard for looking hot, he didn't need it. Stan climbed over the gear shift and right into his lap.

"Can I take your shirt off?" Soos asked.

"If you're fast, sure." Stan said, grinding down on the poor kid hard enough to make him wheeze a little.

Soos grabbed the front of his shirt and ripped it open. Stan groaned, leaning forward to kiss him again. Soos ran his hands up his bare sides, warm hands enough to make him shiver.

Soos rutted up against Stan, precum leaving a stain on Stan's nice white pants and Stan huffed, sitting back up as much as he could without hitting the roof. He looked down at Soos, splayed out, hands clinging to the seat back, panting for air, and Stan felt a little curl of jealousy in his stomach.

Guys his age can't make him a mess like that.

He pulled himself out of his pants, put them both together - Soos dwarfed him a bit there, too, Stan loved it - and wrapped his hand around them, slowly running up and down, dry and teasing and Soos groaned, head thrown back, one hand reaching down to go over Stan's.

"M-Mister -- can--" Soos took his hand away, and Stan slowed.

He licked it - clear spit dripping off his tongue and hand and making Stan's dick twitch - and returned it. Stan let him grab the both of them before wrapping his hand over Soos', big enough to almost fully cover it, but he'd always had big hands (for a fiver).

He dragged Soos' hand up and down the both of them, and Soos just let him, rutting helplessly instead of doing something because he wasn't subtle. Stan didn't mind, setting a pace slow enough he could focus on watching Soos.

"I'm - I'm close, Mister Puh--"

"Go ahead, but I'm not stopping until I'm done." Stan huffed.

Soos moaned, mouth open, looking right at Stan while he covered their hands and Stan's belly in streaks of come and he had to be doing shit like that on purpose. No one was hard-wired to get under Stan's skin the way he was.

Stan started going faster, feeling his own end creeping up on him. Soos whined but didn't move his hand or his oversensitive dick away. Stan worked himself quickly with Soos' hand, watching him squirm - until he started shaking again, a few more pitiful strings of come coating Stan's thumb.

Stan groaned, loud and long and pointed them both to come on Soos' t-shirt. Soos looked proud of the stains.

The clean up was quiet, Stan getting back into the driver's side and wiping them both down with hoarded napkins from the glove box and didn't say a word.

Soos broke the silence. "Could I, uh. Have another redo tomorrow?"

"Kid, if anything but dust comes out for the next week I'll be counting my lucky stars, twice in two days is already a stretch."

"Oh. Well, next week then?"

"Don't go waiting on this old man's schedule, you should still find people your own age."

"But... I can still get another redo next week, right?"

"Just - fine, but keep it casual, yeah? I shouldn't be anybody's long-term anything."

"Deal." Soos said adamantly, going back to holding his stuffed beaver.

The rest of the drive was nice, he couldn't see the stars with the headlights on, but he could see tree shadows scroll by. They were back in half an hour, the Stanmobile pulling into his Abuelita's driveway.

"You gonna stay? We could sleep over in the living room. I'm pretty sure I left my truck up at the shack anyways."

Stan sighed. "Fine, but I'm using your shower."

Soos lead the way, both of them sneaking into the house. Stan made a b-line for the bathroom and Soos put down his beaver on the kitchen island.

There was a postcard next to it, Las Vegas written in a big gaudy graphic.

Oh. His birthday was in the middle of his business trip.

He hadn't even noticed, he was just having such a good time with Mr. Pines.

He looked between the stuffed beaver and the postcard from the city he was just in.

“Happy birthday, Soos,” he murmurs, and leans in for a kiss. The kiss is only chaste for a moment before Mr. Pines deepens it, and Soos’s knees would melt if they weren’t lying down. 

Mr. Pines helps Soos wake up by gently teasing him until Soos is squirming beneath him, then he takes Soos into his mouth and Soos has to stuff his hand into his mouth to avoid making enough noise for everyone else in the house to hear. 

They stay in bed a little longer, Mr. Pines kisses Soos to let him taste himself, and promises Soos another round this evening. 

The smell of pancakes lures them out of the attic, and they find Abuelita, Dr. Pines, and the kids making breakfast together. Mabel and Dr. Pines, who aren’t allowed to make food for anyone but themselves, are setting up coffee and slicing toppings, while Dipper and Abuelita make the pancakes and sides. 

Everyone sits down for breakfast together. Mabel insists that Soos put sprinkles on his pancakes and puts a candle into the middle of the stack (“Pancakes are cakes, so they count as a birthday cake. That means you have to have sprinkles and a candle!”) so that Soos can make a wish. 

Soos’s birthday party is held that evening, after the Shack closes. There’s a cake and decorations and presents, but the best part is that everyone is here. Wendy even video calls, and it’s so nice to have all the people he cares about around him. He even gets to be open about his and Mr. Pines’s relationship for the first time now that the kids know. Dipper is obviously still struggling with it, but he admits quietly that Dr. Pines was right about them being happy, and that he’s glad that they’re happy. Soos drags him into a hug, which is joined by Mabel. 

After the party, Dipper and Mabel shoo Soos away, saying they’ll help Dr. Pines and Abuelita with cleaning up.  It’s a pretty transparent way to get him alone with Mr. Pines, but Soos isn’t complaining. 

They sit together on the sofa that’s lived on the porch forever. Mr. Pines scootches close and rests his head on Soos’s shoulder. 

“Been a pretty good birthday, huh?” 

Soos wraps an arm around him. “Yeah, dawg. It’s been the best.” 

They sit in comfortable silence for a few moments, listening to the sounds of the forest around them and the muted conversations of everyone inside the house. 

“I… I wanted to give you your present when we were alone,” Mr. Pines blurts out. 

Soos smiles at him. “You being here is enough of a present, dude.” 

“Can it, Soos,” Mr. Pines snaps in mock annoyance. “You deserve a gift—you deserve everything, kid.” 

Blushing, Soos nuzzles into Mr. Pines’s hair. “I’ve already got everything, dude. I’ve got you.” 

Mr. Pines sighs. “Why do you always have to say the sweetest things?” He arches upwards and presses a kiss to Soos’s cheek. “People are gonna think I’ve gone sappy in my old age.” As he pulls away, Mr. Pines pulls a little box wrapped in newspaper out of his pocket. 

Soos takes it carefully. He has to pull his arm out from around Mr. Pines to unwrap it, but Mr. Pines stays close enough for Soos to feel the warmth of his body. He works slowly, avoiding tearing any of the newspaper that Mr. Pines used to wrap the gift. Once the little white box that’s inside has been freed, Soos opens it carefully. 

A gold necklace twinkles up at him from inside the box. Soos lifts it out and examines the medallion that dangles from the chain. It has an anchor engraved on one side, and Soos runs his fingers over it to feel the tiny divots of the engraving. 

“I uh… I saw it and I thought it’d be perfect for you. And—And it’ll match mine.” 

Soos got Mr. Pines that necklace so many years ago, back when the kids were staying at the Shack and before any of them knew about Dr. Pines or Bill or all the way their lives were about to change. Mr. Pines has worn it every day since. 

He turns the charm over in his hand, and finds words engraved on the back. 

To the anchor of my heart

“It’s fine if you hate it,” Mr. Pines babbles. “I can take it back or get it melted down or something. I know it’s stupid and sappy and—Are you crying?” 

Soos scrubs at his eyes with the back of his hand. “This is really nice, dude,” he says. “Can I put it on now?” 

“Of course you can, kid! It’s yours.” Mr. Pines watches Soos open the necklace and attempt to put it on, and reaches up to help when Soos fumbles with the clasp. He grins crookedly when it lays over Soos’s tie. “It looks good.” 

Soos beams. “It’ll be nice to have when… when you and Dr. Pines leave,” he replies. Sure, he has his wedding ring, but Soos bought that. This is something Mr. Pines got for him, and Soos will treasure it forever. 

Mr. Pines’s eyes get a little wide. “About that, kid. I’ve been talkin’ to Ford and…” He sighs and reaches out for Soos’s hands. “I just think it’s… it’s time for a change.” 

That makes Soos’s heart drop. “With us?” 

“No—well, yes, but…” He sighs again. “We’re gettin’ too old to be sailin’ around and gettin’ caught in hurricanes and shit all the time. I know it’ll be hard and we’ll have to figure things out but… We want to come back to shore.” 

“For how long?” 

Mr. Pines smiles, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “For good—or at least for most of the year. We might go out for a few weeks sometimes when the weather’s good.” 

Soos can’t quite believe his ears. He’s missed Mr. Pines all these years that he’s been sailing the world with Dr. Pines, even if he knows how important it was to both of them to do this. “So… you’re staying?” 

“You think that’s okay? I know this place doesn’t have a lot of room—” 

“It does! We’ll all fit. And Abuelita and I were thinking about talking to Dr. Pines about building a casita, but even if we can’t, you could stay in the attic with me, and Dr. Pines still has his room and—” 

“Okay, okay, kid. We don’t have to get everything figured out right now,” Mr. Pines laughs, cradling Soos’s face. “I had a feeling this would be a good surprise for your birthday.” 

Soos nods. “This is the best birthday ever, Mr. Pines.” 

Mr. Pines smirks at him. “It’s too bad I can’t ask you to marry me, just to make it even better.” 

“We can get married again,” Soos offers. “We could have a whole event here at the Shack and sell tickets and Dipper and Mabel and Wendy and everyone can be there—”

Soos would continue talking, but Mr. Pines interrupts him by pressing their lips together. 

“I love you, Soos,” he says when they come up for air. 

The kiss has calmed Soos’s mind, leaving him excited but content to sit here with Mr. Pines. “I love you too, dude,” he replies. “Thank you for the birthday presents.” He wraps his arm around Mr. Pines’s shoulders again and pulls him close so Mr. Pines can cuddle into Soos’s chest. 

“Yeah, that summer with the kids. Bill went into Mr. Pines’s mind to get the deed to the Shack and so we followed him in.” 

Dr. Pines walks over to the broken swing set. He runs a hand over the rusted metal, and closes his eyes for a moment. The swing set trembles before reshaping itself, the metal reforming and becoming polished, the wood joining together into solid pieces, until it looks new. “It’s impressive how much all of you did,” he comments. 

“Well, your journal helped us a lot, dude. And the kids are smart.” 

Dr. Pines smiles at him. “All of you are.” 

Soos blushes, unsure of how to respond to that. “Do you really think Bill could still be alive?” 

“It’s possible. He should have been destroyed with Stan’s memories, but it’s always preferable to be certain.” 

It’s why Mr. Pines allowed them in here in the first place. Apparently Dr. Pines has been entering the mindscape every few months to check that Bill is really gone, and this time happened to coincide with one of Soos’s visits. 

Soos follows him up the stairs that lead into the Mystery Shack. “Do we have to check all of his memories?” 

“Heavens, no, that would take far too long. I just make sure that there’s nothing amiss.” 

Dr. Pines opens the door, and Soos walks in. The interior of the Shack looks almost exactly like it did the last time Soos was in Mr. Pines’s mindscape, but there’s one glaring difference. 

“Dude, how long has that been here?” Soos asks, because when Soos was here with Dipper and Mabel, there definitely wasn’t a big hallway that looks like the entrance to a Tunnel of Love. 

Dr. Pines smiles knowingly. “When you were here before, was there anything that suggested my existence?” 

Soos shakes his head. 

“My brother is extremely skilled at compartmentalization. He didn’t want anyone to know about me, so even in his mind, thoughts of me were hidden away. I suspect the same is true for… this. He wanted to keep it a secret from Dipper and Mabel, so his mind kept it hidden.” 

“Have you gone in there?” 

“Of course.”

Soos stares down the long hallway. There are neon lights in the shapes of arrows pointing down the path, and the walkway is lined with a red carpet. It’s gaudy and silly and looks like something Mr. Pines would add to the Mystery Shack for Valentine’s Day. 

But… what if it’s here for Dr. Pines, and not for Soos? Mr. Pines has loved Dr. Pines forever, and he’s only known Soos for ten years, let alone the short amount of time that they’ve been dating. 

“Come on, we’ll check here first,” Dr. Pines says, already walking down the hallway, oblivious to Soos’s worries. 

They’re both lit by red spotlights as they walk, and gold hearts shine on the walls. There are pools of water on either side of the walkway, which make it feel like they’re floating, and the sounds of violins and harps drift through the air. It almost feels romantic, walking alongside Dr. Pines, even if Soos doesn’t like him that way. 

The hallway comes to an end after a few twists and turns, bringing them to a room with a huge heart at the center. Soos walks up to it, and sees that fractures run through the heart, and little bits of it have chipped away. It seems like the heart should be red, but instead it’s a dreary grey color. 

“It’s like the swing outside,” he says, almost without thinking. 

“Yes,” Dr. Pines replies. “That swing is how Stan views his relationship with me. It was… very damaged the first time I came here, but I always try to fix it.” He smiles. “Each time it’s a little better.” 

“Why haven’t you fixed this?” 

Dr. Pines’s smile gets a little sad. “I tried.” He walks up to the heart and rests his hand on it, but the cracks only deepen. “Unfortunately, I’m too wrapped up in Stan’s pain to fix this.” 

It hurts to see the damage on the heart—on Mr. Pines’s heart. Soos knows so much now, about everything that happened between him and Dr. Pines, about the way that Mr. Pines had to fight to survive, about everything he’s lost. “Do you think I could fix it?” 

“If anyone can, it’s you.” 

Soos rests his hand on the heart. Remembering the first time he visited Mr. Pines’s mindscape, he imagines the heart being fixed. 

The damage to the heart slowly fades, the fractures filling in and the pieces that had chipped away returning. Even the color changes, becoming a cherry-red. 

A six-fingered hand rests on Soos’s shoulder. “I thought so,” Dr. Pines says. He touches the heart again, and this time there’s no damage caused. “You make him very happy, Jesus.” 

“You make him happy too, dude!” 

“True, but from what I can tell, you’ve never hurt Stan. Here in his mindscape, you can fix things that I can’t.” He pats Soos’s shoulder gently. “Stan knows that his heart is safe with you.” 

That gets Soos blushing again. He’d never do anything to break Mr. Pines’s heart, but he knows that Dr. Pines never meant to hurt Mr. Pines. 

“We should finish checking for any influence from Bill,” Dr. Pines says, pulling away. “I’ll make sure that future endeavors are timed for when you can come with me.” 

Then the man continued his walk to the door, closing it behind him. Under the bunk was a bad idea, he needed to move - the man had already checked the closet, he wouldn't check it again. Probably.

He quietly crawled out, getting one knee under himself when a cold metal blade caught the bottom of his chin.

"A little big for a rat, ain't cha?" The stranger asked, voice low and amused. "Usually I respect a good pest, but you went and ate our good food stores - you know how far we are from the next port? You think we wouldn't notice you left us with nothing but hardtack?"

"I just needed to get to the next port..." Soos said, feeling the blade dig into his neck when he breathed too deeply. "I can work off the cost of the food, I'm good at mopping and stuff."

"Oh, you're working it off alright. But we don't need a cabin boy." He said, still sounding like he was mentally laughing at Soos.

Soos was used to being laughed at, but he didn't understand why the man kept smiling at him.

The man looked away - his earrings looked expensive, it didn't quite match his overgrown grey hair and stubbled jaw. "Hey! Looks like we got ourselves a rat!" He yelled to the door, elated, and Soos' blood turned cold. He hadn't counted the crew before he boarded - he hadn't even noticed the jolly roger at the time.

Those same heavy boots from earlier stormed to the door, and it was slammed open by the same man in different clothes. Twins?

The new man sneered. "A stowaway? I hope you can swim, Boy, we're carrying you no further."

"Hey, now." The first man said. "Let's not be so hasty - he said he'd work off his free dinners."

The other man looked Soos up and down. "Is it even worth our time? How old are you, Boy?" He demanded.

Soos froze up - he didn't know how to answer.

The first man blew his twin off. "He's old enough." He lowered his sword and instead grabbed Soos by the jaw to show him to his brother. "Besides, look at this cute face? It would be a waste to see it all blue, wouldn't it?"

Soos sat stiff - still on his hands and knees like a dog - and couldn't pull away from that grip, didn't know what the man would do.

The other man stepped closer, put a hand in his hair (six fingers?) and yanked his head up, looking him over like a piece of meat. "Maybe a bit of entertainment wouldn't be so bad. If he knows anything at all."

"We can teach im'. C'mon, Six, when's the last time you even seen a boy this girly."

"I'm not--" Soos blurted, cheeks still squished, and both sets of eyes snapped to him. He felt like someone sat on his chest. "I'm... I'm a man..." He insisted.

The first man leered. "Course you are, pretty boy, and men work off their debts."

The other man's glasses caught the light enough to hide his eyes. "Perhaps if you're competent, we'll even let you off at the next port." He said, standing up to his full height over Soos.

"Unless you're too compitent." The first pirate added with a grin.

"Don't make him tense, he'll be useless."

"He'll be fine - won't ya, kid?" The first man prompted, bringing his sword back up. Rust collected at the corners from who knows how many years of use.

"Yes, sir." Soos nodded, and the man slid the weapon into a loop on his belt.

"Good boy. Now." He let go of Soos' face just hard enough to throw him forward a little on his hands. "Show my brother here you're good for something."

The second man - Six? - grabbed him by the hair again, wrenching his head up. "If you bite me, I'll skin you then make you swim laps for me." He said, and Soos didn't have the time to process before he was pulled forward, nose mashed into the stranger's crotch. He smelled musky and salty and it kept Soos knowing exactly where he was even with his eyes closed. "If you can't even undo my pants without your hands, you're not worth keeping." The man said, but Soos held his mouth closed, and the man pulled at him harder.

The first man slid behind him, in line with his back, hands on his hips.

Stan tapped twice on his hip, he reached for his hand and tapped twice back.

The first man ran his chapped lips up Soos' neck. "Go on, sweet boy, give us a show." He crooned. "You don't want us to just give you to the rest of the crew, now, do you? You want to be special just for us two?"

Soos whined, shakily grabbing the waistband between his teeth, pulling them down about as quickly as he could manage - a hand came in to help, he didn't notice whose it was - and the stranger's half-hard cock hit his cheek.

He looked up.

The man looked expectant - cold, bored, like he didn't care at all what he was doing.

"Go on, pretty boy." The first man started grinding into his back.

Soos carefully took the head into his mouth.

Six immediately shoved all the way in, making Soos choke, but it didn't hinder the man at all, using his hair to pull him in and out over and over. Soos whined, trying and almost succeeding to keep his teeth from catching - he wasn't serious about skinning him, was he?

The man at his back groaned. "Good fucking boy." He put one hand - old and rough and calloused - on the front of Soos' shorts. He whined in the back of his throat, thrusting forward by accident and making the man laugh at him. "You love this, don't you? Love the attention. That's why you are our good food, isn't it? You wanted to get caught."

Soos tried to shake his head, but the hand in his hair just tightened further. A hand slipped into his shorts, rough calluses wrapping around his dick, gliding on all Soos had leaked already and Soos couldn't describe how betrayed he felt at his own body.

Six help him tight against his crotch, kept him from squeaking in any breath at all, and just stared at him.

Soos tried to keep his eyes on him, but they blurred with tears as his lungs started burning and spasming around nothing.

"Maybe we should keep you." The man above him hummed, thrusting shallow enough to keep Soos from getting any air. "You just cry so easily."

Soos gasped when he let him up finally.

"You like the sound of that, sweetheart?" The man behind him murmured into the shell of his ear. "Keep you tied up here, filling you up just like those pretty holes deserve. You want it, don't you, pretty boy?"

The second 'pretty' left the man's lips, Soos' body seized without permission, moaning around the cock in his mouth while that rough hand worked him through it.

He was yanked back, left gaping and empty and too absent to think to close his mouth. A second later warm come splattered his chin, neck and the front of his shirt.

He leaned back heavily against Stan, panting and slowly coming down. The shift was immediate. Stan started kissing his cheek and neck, hands slowly guiding him to sit on his bottom. "You did good." Stan praised against his shoulder, and Soos huffed, meeting Stan in a short kiss that took most of his remaining energy.

Ford came back - and Soos hadn't notice he left - with a dish towel to wipe him off.

“Daddy?”

He watched as the blankets shifted and changed shape in the low light until Stan flipped himself upright in bed. Soos loved how he looked with bed head, the sight of his mussed up hair filling his stomach with warmth.

Stan exaggerated a yawn. “Whazzat?”

Soos licked his lips. He pressed his large hand against his clothed cock and whined. “Daddy…”

“Baby?” Stan reached for his glasses on the bedside table. “What's wrong?”

The light flicked on and Soos instinctively hid his privacy. His arm roamed past his large stomach and cupped the front of his underwear. He shuffled his way inside. The air inside was much colder than in the hall and Soos sucked in a hiss of air as he felt his nipples harden. Right in front of Stan. 

“I…” His face went bright red and he bit his lip, gaze falling to the floor in embarrassment.

“Hey, hey, it's okay,” Stan made room for him in bed, patting the space beside him. “C'mere, baby boy.”

Soos’ entire face burned. Baby boy. He was his Daddy’s baby boy. A soft whine caught in his throat. Reopening his eyes, he lumbered forward and sank down in the bed next to Stan, making sure to keep his hands covering his private parts. He couldn't let Daddy see. What if this made him a bad boy? He didn't want Daddy to be mad at him.

“I had a really weird dream.”

“What about, Sweetheart?” Stan asked, laying a comforting hand high up on Soos’ legs, giving his thick thigh a squeeze. Something about it made Soos feel even hotter. Something about it made him wish Daddy would squeeze again, closer to his privacy. 

“Um,” Soos bowed his head down, the glow of the lamplight illuminating the blush on his face. “It was about you, Daddy.”

“Yeah?” Stan rasped, leaning closer to Soos and purring in his ear. “What'd ya dream about Daddy doin’, huh?”

Soos whimpered, feeling his cock twitch within his briefs. He could feel the wet stain of precum pressing against the head of his hard cock. He locked his knees together. He couldn't let Daddy see! What if he'd done something wrong? It felt so good, but what if it was secretly bad to feel like this? What if he wasn't supposed to be thinking about his Daddy like this? Leaning forward, he held back a needy sound at the feeling of his thighs pressing hard against his member. He ignored the urge to shift in his seat to chase the feeling. He had to focus on answering his Daddy.

“You were touching and kissing me all over,” Soos squeezed his thighs together, then relaxed. The heat between his legs pulsed. “It felt really good. An– And then…” Soos bit his lip again, his face burning.

Daddy rubbed up and down his thighs with one of his large hands and wrapped an arm around his shoulder with another. “An’ then what, Sweetheart?”

“And then,” Soos squeezed his eyes closed, bottom lip wobbling. “... I'm sorry, Daddy.”

“Hey, hey,” Stan's breath was hot against his ear and making Soos tremble and lean into him. “What're ya apologizin’ for? You ain't got nothin’ to be sorry about.”

Soos squeezed himself tight through his briefs. It felt so good, especially doing it right next to Daddy, and he could feel something leak out of him and dampen his underwear even further. Did this make him a bad boy? He didn't want to be a bad boy for Daddy, only wanted to be a good boy for him. What if Daddy yelled at him? What if he punished him? What if Daddy gave him a spanking?

A choked, wounded sound clawed its way up Soos’ throat and he clenched his eyes even tighter until shapes and colors danced across the back of his eyelids and tears threatened to flood from his eyes. Please, please don't let him be bad…!

“Baby, look at me,” Daddy cooed, a calloused palm pressing against Soos’ soft, scruffy cheek.

Hesitantly, Soos turned to face his Daddy. He dared to open his eyes and a few tears escaped him, racing down his face in steady lines. He knew he was a big boy and shouldn't be crying, but Soos couldn't help it when he felt so small. At least Daddy never made fun of him for crying.

Stan stroked at his baby's face softly with a thumb, wiping away a tear. He placed his other hand on Soos’ face and pulled him close, leaning up so that he could meet him halfway and turn his cheek just so to kiss his tears away. He could feel the way Soos’ relaxed under his touch, tension leaving the larger man as his body sagged with relief.

“Nothin’ to cry for, baby boy,” Stan promised as he nuzzled Soos.

Soos found himself able to breathe easier. His Daddy was like magic. Despite how much taller Soos was, his Daddy always managed to make him feel so small. So small and safe and protected. What was he thinking? Why would his Daddy be mad at him over this? It wasn't his fault, it was his dream! And something that felt this good couldn't be bad, couldn't get him in trouble, right?

Stan pressed more kisses against Soos’ cheeks, moving his way up his face and back to his ear. He nipped Soos’ earlobe lightly, making him gasp.

“Y'hidin’ somethin’ from Daddy?”

Soos nodded, whining as he squeezed himself again. He was so sensitive and Daddy touching and talking to him like this wasn't helping. It was silly of him to think he could hide this from his Daddy, his Daddy was so smart and could always see right through him.

“Mhm,” Soos nodded again, staring down into his lap.

One of Stan's hands traveled up to pet soothing strokes into Soos’ short, brown hair. “Why don'tcha show me? Huh, Baby? Daddy won't be mad, I promise.”

Soos’ face burned. But, Daddy promised. He promised him he wouldn't get mad, and Soos trusted his Daddy. He wouldn't be mean and get upset about his hard cock leaking in his underwear, desperate to be touched and milked. Oh, God, he wanted Daddy to touch him so badly. 

With shaky hands and a whimper, Soos retracted his hands from his front, exposing himself. He took a furtive glance at Stan. His Daddy had a pleased, hungry smile on his face. His eyes were lidded and dark with lust and something in Soos’ stomach flipped.

“Oh, baby,” Stan purred, feasting his eyes on how Soos hard cock stretched his briefs, making it so damp with precum that it was almost translucent. “Naughty boy, keepin’ this from Daddy.”

“Sorry, Daddy, I was worried I was bad.”

Stan placed another gentle kiss on his cheek. “Not at all, baby boy. You're good, you're so good for Daddy.”

Soos smiled. He loved being a good boy for Daddy. He squeezed his thighs together again, rocking slightly into the pressure of his cock being squeezed.

Daddy chuckled into his ear as one of his hands roamed past Soos’ stomach to play with the band of his underwear. “Bet that feels good, don't it?”

Soos nodded, humming an affirmative noise. He wanted so badly for Daddy’s hand to go lower, to touch his hot, aching member and make him feel good.

“Did Daddy touch ya like this in your dream?”

“Yes, Daddy.”

“Did it feel good?”

“Yes, Daddy, so good. I almost– I felt like something was gonna happen, but then I woke up, and my privacy was all hard like this.”

Stan hummed, sounding scratchy in his throat. He nuzzled against Soos’ neck, pressing ticklish kisses to his throat and into the crook of his neck. His fingers pulled back against the band of Soos’ briefs, just barely getting a glance of the treasure hidden within. 

He purred, rumbling against Soos’ neck. “Can Daddy see?”

A harsh whine escaped Soos and his hips bucked involuntarily, his body desperately seeking out more of Stan's touch.

“Please!”

Stan tugged down Soos’ briefs down to his knees and finally freed his cock. Soos’ red, leaking member slapped against the fat of his stomach. A satisfied rasp of an exhale hit the side of Soos’ head.

“How's that feel, baby?”

Soos let his eyes fall shut as he leaned into his Daddy for support. “All hot and achey…”

Daddy's mouth was so close to his ear, and the way his hot breath hit Soos’ inner ear made him tremble. “D'ya want Daddy to touch ya like he did in your dream?”

“Please!” Soos begged. “Please, please, Daddy, I need it!”

Soos mewled as he felt each of Stan's five digits cup and curl around his cock. He threw his head back, rolling his hips into his Daddy’s touch. His strong, calloused hand was so gentle as he stroked up and down Soos’ cock.

“My poor baby, just a little boy with his big boy cock makin’ him all hot and sensitive.”

Soos squirmed, whining in Daddy's embrace as his dirty task went straight to his dick. Daddy was right, he was just a little boy with a big boy’s cock that got so hard and achey at the thought of his Daddy. At the thought of his Daddy and his cock and his chest and his big hands that made him feel so, so good, working up and down his cock. Soos gasped, feeling Daddy's other hand glide down his back and wrap around to palm his chest, taking Soos’ nipple between his fingers and twisting and pulling so meanly. 

“Daddy, ah–! Daddy, something’s coming!”

“I know, baby, ‘s gonna feel so good, I promise. Just let go for me.”

Soos thrusted into his Daddy’s hand, fucking his fist, as he chased the warm feeling that built up inside him. God, he loved his Daddy so much, always making him feel so good, so safe, so loved, and, and and–!

Soos howled his Daddy’s name. His entire body locked up strained with pleasure as he came, his cock shooting out spurts of cum all over his Daddy’s fingers. Daddy worked him through the aftershocks, stroking slower and slower until Soos’ body went sagged from strain. Soos slowly sunk back, moving from his sitting position to lay back against the bed. His chest heaved as he panted and sweat glistened on his skin despite the cool air of the room. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Daddy licking his cum off his fingers. 

Soos shut his eyes, inhaling deeply before letting out a long, content sigh. He felt the bed shift beside him and reopened his eyes to find Stan laying right beside him, holding himself up with an arm.

“How ya feeling?” He asked.

Soos smiled. “Good.”

Stan's lips twitched a bit further up his face and his eyes crinkled. “Good,” then he leaned over to kiss Soos’ cheek, the younger man delighting in the feeling of his stubble scratching his face.

Stan wrapped a hand around Soos’ arm, pulling him further up the bed to lay down properly. “C’mon, get up here.”

Soos’ tired body begged him to stay, but he crawled up the bed to lay beside Stan, his head hitting one of the cool pillows at the headboard and letting out another exhale of relief.

Oh, but wait–

Soos shifted as Stan attempted to wrap around him in a cuddle. “Um, did you want me to…?”

The older man waved him off. “Nah, I'll take care of it later. This was about you, kid.”

Soos smiled again, a flush returning to his cheek.

It's nice getting to drive Mr. Pines’s car. Soos has helped work on it since he was twelve, when the El Diablo broke down and Mr. Pines insisted the problem was one he could fix with an extra pair of hands. He’d driven it for the first time a few years later, but Mr. Pines would only let him get as far as the end of the property. 

“The last thing I need is you goin’ on a joyride and gettin’ me in trouble with your Grandma,” Mr. Pines had said. 

Soos doesn’t think Mr. Pines planned on being the one to teach Soos to drive. He’d expected Soos’s dad to show up for that, or for one of his uncles to step up, but Soos’s uncles were busy teaching their own sons how to drive, and Soos’s dad… well he’s not coming back. So Mr. Pines had taught him in his own precious car, helping him learn to handle the stick shift and not wincing too hard when the gears would grind together. 

It was always nice learning from Mr. Pines, especially when their hands touch and… and Soos has to try not to blush because, well… 

Soos is in love with Mr. Pines. 

At first, it was just a crush, and Soos expected it to fade like his other crushes. It’s been years since he first started to like Mr. Pines, and he only likes him more and more. 

Soos has wanted to tell him. It won’t be as weird now that Soos is an adult, but it’ll still be weird since they’ve known each other so long. 

He glances over at Mr. Pines, who’s asleep under Soos’s hoodie. His fez is askew as he leans against the window. Mr. Pines looks younger when he sleeps, especially now with his hair messy and sticking out from under the fez. 

Returning his attention to the road, Soos sighs. He knows Mr. Pines is too old for him, and anyway Mr. Pines deserves someone as cool as he is—someone cooler than Soos. 

Mr. Pines mumbles in his sleep. 

Soos looks at him again, and takes a deep breath. “I love you, Mr. Pines,” Soos says, testing the words out. It’s nice to say it out loud to him, even though Mr. Pines isn’t awake to hear it. 

He stares out into the darkness of the night around them, and sees a streak of light across the sky. A shooting star. 

The second the twins were gone, Soos slunk back to his room, shuffling around the general mess to his computer. His Abuelita had been very firm that he wasn't to be out after dinner, said she needed help with the twins - but Soos didn't feel helpful. The next day, he'd get in his truck again and drive back to the next town over, to the same mall he'd gone on that one date, and keep searching.

But, since he had another seven hours before his Abuelita would let him go, he started researching. Other disappearances, weirdness that could get that far from Gravity Falls, anything. He saw a cold case of serial assaults from the area from only four years ago and closed the window a second later, eyes blurring over his keyboard.

He looked back up at the screen, every application was just a blur of colour - but the bright pink stood out. Giffany's game.

He immediately went to delete it, but his gut flip-flopped. He checked the source files instead.

Giffany was gone, replaced by a file with just three question marks.

After a minute of debate, he opened the game.

It was the same opening screen, but Giffany was gone from the cover art. Instead, there was a guy, weirdly chubby for an anime guy, wearing plain pants, button-down and a tie instead of Giffany's uniform - the tie was still blue, yellow and pink like hers, and his hair was the same colour, even if it was short and slicked-back. He had his fists up and a cocky grin on his face instead of Giffany's welcoming smile. He looked a little familiar - like Dipper, maybe, but older and with a bigger nose.

He clicked 'new game' without thinking too hard about it.

It opened on the same beginning scene with the cherry blossoms, but then, the scene changed.

'You're so late to class, but you can't get through the door with these students fighting!'

The new guy's sprite slid into frame, fists raised. "Hey, jacka[beep]! I'm the only one allowed to pick on Data!" He yelled in a gravdlly jersey accent that Soos recognized immediately. Data, the information guy, slid on screen with his big square glasses but Soos barely noticed.

"Mr. Pines?" He asked very quietly. The new guy's head whipped around, pinkish eyes widening.

"Soos!" He hopped over the text box and fan forward, pressing his pixel hands against the screen. "Thank f[beep]!" He was close enough Soos could see the sparkles and hearts dotting his eyes. "You gotta help me! A robot badger put me in some kind of hell where I have to go through highschool again!"

"It's okay, Mr. Pines, I'll save you! You're just in my video game, I gotta figure out how to get you out - maybe Dipper'll know, he's smart--" He started to get out of his chair when Stan started yelling.

"Wait! I haven't seen a living person in like a week - and don't bother my nephew with this magic cr[beep]." His round pixel cheeks went pink with blush lines, and his eyes looked away, still with their little heart highlights. "Could you just... Stay a while?

Soos sat back down hard. "Of course, Mr. Pines."

"I figured out how to go to the park - but I need someone else to make it a date" or it doesn't work, I've been taking Data but if you wanna go..."

"I definitely wanna go on a date to the park Mr. Pines." Soos snorted when little steam likes started coming out of Stan's head, turning away but his entire sprite now had a red tint, clothes and all.

"Whatever." Stan grumbled, and the next second the cutscene to introduce the park played.

Except, apparently he did, because now he was sick in the head. Worse than his days in the looney bin, even. At least back then, he only wanted to hurt himself.

Sue's lipstick was bitter but her arms were soft on his shoulders, every inch of her was soft, giving between his fingers, moulding against him where she leaned on him. He liked her, he really did, he'd always loved a girl with enough meat to drown in, and she was always so blunt - blunt enough to cut through his bullshit. He might have made it with her if he had the time.

She was just like Him.

He huffed, pressing her against the closed door, dragging a hand down her hip and then back up her dress, thumb just hitching at the leg of her baggy cotton panties, tips of his fingers just barely touching her inner thigh. She broke the kiss, eye meeting his. "You coming to bed, Mr. Mystery?" She teased, tugging at his bolo tie.

"You sure you aren't coming in, Mr. Pines?"

"Sure, Sweetheart. You got a towel?" He needed him out of his head.

She squinted at him a little but grabbed one out of her hamper - damp, smelled like cheap soap - and handed it to him. He laid it out on the edge of her bed and she looked curious. "What are you up to, Mister." She asked like he was some misbehaving cat, and Stan grabbed her hips again, dragging her between him and the bed just enough to startle her.

"I dunno, Doll, what am I doin'?" Their fronts were pressed together - she was so damn soft, it drove him up the wall.

He's soft, too, he covers Stan completely when he hugs him like a father and Stan hugs back like a sick, sick bastard--

He grazed his fingers under her knee and she startled enough to sit down. He eased himself onto his knees. He was with a woman, and she was nothing like him.

She put her fingers in his hair while he dragged her panties down. They were white.

He wore briefs just like them, didn't care who saw him when he used Stan's office to change into his uniform.

He kissed her clit and chubby thighs just like His bracketed his head. He ran his tongue through her folds and her hands tightened in his hair. He held her thighs up on his shoulders and wondered if He would need to hold on, too.

He refused to come up for air, he never would if it was Him, if he was between His legs, getting held their by His fingers. If He ever wanted him, he would never leave, would live off His come and His sweet little moans, would never be anyone but His 'Mr. Pines', would take everything He gave like the leach Stan was. He would be a good parasite, the kind you didn't notice was eating you alive until you almost wanted to overlook it. He would let him, He was too damn good for this world. Everyone else had left for a reason, maybe they knew Stan was sick since the day he was born, He was the only one who didn't see it. He saw a good in him that wasn't there, thought the world of him even after pulling back the curtain over and over and over.

He would have said yes if Stan asked. He trusted Stan, and Stan had been taking advantage of that since the day they met - back when he was twelve and looking for a father in a reclusive old pervert. He would have said yes, and let Stan push Him against a closed door, and let Stan lay Him down and take Him apart just because Stan wanted to. And Stan would have, would have called it worship when he ate Him away body and soul for his own love.

He worked mechanically. He didn't know if he was rusty, but Sue was tugging his hair and squeaking and moaning so obviously she was getting her money's worth - metaphorically, he didn't really do that anymore, not with his brother's name.

In another life, would He have paid to use him? Approach him so wearily - the kind of man his grandma warned him about - but asked anyway?

He groped the front of his pants, Sue locked her ankles behind his back to keep them up.

He would be a sweet client, never going too far on purpose, only tripping over Himself because He was nervous, excited. Stan would ride Him for longer than He paid for, and He would let him stay to sleep after. Or would he be afraid of the street trash in the big cities? See Stan and move to the other sidewalk? Would he know, if he hadn't met Stan so young, how awful he really was?

Sue dragged him off of her, out of his head and back in her room. She was panting, face bright red, whole body still shaking. "Can I... Your turn?" She huffed. Stan looked down at the puddle he'd left between her legs, soaked into the towel.

His jaw was sore.

"Stanford?"

Stan eased himself up off his knees. "I gotta go." He said hoarsely, stumbling out of her room and out of the house on numb legs, nearly tripping over two cats on his way.

“Oh, right, um,” Soos stutters, and takes a moment to collect his thoughts. “So, my cousin Reggie's getting married soon! My grandma says I should bring someone to the wedding– well, she said a girl, but y'know, I don't think it really has to be a girl…”

Stan wants to believe that the kid is just asking for dating advice. He knows better. He keeps staring at the corkboard like it owes him money. Don't turn around. Don't turn around and you don't have to face it. Don't have to look into those big, brown eyes of his.

“So, I was just wondering if you maybe wanted to come with me?”

Stan winced, gritting his teeth and trying his damndest to not visibly flinch. The worst part is how he wasn't surprised. Why would he be? He's known Soos since he was twelve. He's known the kid's had a crush on him for almost as long. He's watched as Soos’ puppy love for him grows with him, turning into something genuinely romantic and tangible and even sexual as he's grown. How could Stan not? He's not an idiot. He knows when someone's making passes at him. There's only so much Stan can ignore.

And that's where the problem lies. He can try to claim ignorance all he wants, but the truth of the matter is that he's almost always known. He's known Soos has been pining for him for years, since he was just a little gumdrop. He knows Soos flirts with him, no matter whether Soos tries to hide it or not – not that it made much of a difference, Soos is a lot less subtle than he likes to think. But it's not his fault. Stan was the adult in the situation. He should have nipped it in the bud when the kid was actually a kid so he didn't spend his entire adolescence holding a torch for his boss. He should have given him a straight answer. Should have sat him down and explained to a younger Soos that it'd never work out and that he should find someone his own age to fall for.

But, he never did. Never bothered to give Soos a straight answer. Sure, he never reciprocated, but he never gave the guy a definitive no, either. Never took the time to actually communicate to Soos that there was no chance in Hell that they'd ever be a thing, that Stan would never be interested, and that Soos should just cut his losses, get over him, and find somebody else. Somebody actually good for him. But, of course he didn't. Stan's a selfish bastard. Always has been, always will be. Just another reason he isn't good enough for Soos. After all, he lost Carla. Lost Ford. Lost anyone who gave him the time of day when they finally wised up to how shit he really is and how he's only dragging them down. 

He's just leading him on. He's been leading him on for ten goddamn years. This is his fault. It's his fault and now Soos is trying to ask him as a date to his cousin's wedding because Stan is too selfish to let him go but too much of a coward to let him in closer. He gets to pat himself on the back for being the responsible older adult by not reciprocating the kid's advances while being so desperate for Soos’ love and attention that he never completely shut it down, so Soos hangs on by a constant thread of hope that, maybe, one day, Stan will love him back like he's always wanted, like Stan is too cowardly to actually commit to. Like a man endlessly wandering from mirage to mirage, hoping and wishing for a true oasis. Because that means there's a chance. It hurts, but a man can survive on just the slightest sliver, just the faintest glint, of hope. Stan’s been doing it since he was seventeen. And now he's doing it to Soos.

Soos’ voice broke through his thoughts. “It's okay, if you don't want to. I can try finding someone else, but I'd really like to take you, dude. I mean, it doesn't even have to be a date thing.”

Stan is glaring at the corkboard like it owes him money. He still can't turn around to face Soos, to face what he's done to him. Wasted his time. Took advantage of him. Lead him on. A heavy feeling of guilt sinks deep into his chest and stomach and if he didn't have such a strong stomach, he swears he'd have puked by now. He winces, screwing his eyes shut. He's got to put a stop to this. He's gotta do something right by this kid, even if it'll hurt. He should have done this a long time ago. If he had, maybe he wouldn't have to break Soos’ heart.

Opening his eyes again, he stares straight into the picture of a smiling Soos plastered on the board. He's too cowardly to face him even now. It's like ripping off a bandaid or getting a shot – it's easier when you don't look.

“We can go as friends, or just as, y'know, boss and employee. Doesn't really matter to me. It's just that you're really important to me and I'd really like you to meet my family–”

Stan clenches his jaw so hard that his dentures dig into his gums.

“Soos, stop,” he snaps. “Just stop.”

The sudden silence is deafening. He can't bring himself to turn around even now, but he can picture how Soos looks. Completely deflated. Eyebrows furrowed and nothing but disappointment and rejection and shame in those eyes of his. Part of him feels that his poker face would give way if he saw the real deal. Or maybe he's more of a coward than he thought. 

He clenches his fists to keep himself from shaking and folds behind his back. For a second, Ford flashes into his mind. 

Just look straight ahead at the corkboard. Just pretend this conversation isn't even worth facing him for. It's nothing to him. It's less than nothing. Soos has to see that.

He swallows, licking his dry lips as he becomes very familiar with the wall behind his desk. “Look, I get that you had a little crush on me when you were a kid or somethin’, but you're a grown man, Soos.”

He squeezes his eyes shut. This is gonna hurt. It has to hurt.

“But– I, Mr. Pines–”

“It's gross.”

He’s such a dirty old man, preying on Soos like he has. Luring Soos in and getting him hooked on the hope that one day Stan might feel the same. Not even realizing that the old man did, still does, but he isn't good enough for Soos. The furthest thing from it. And he never will be. But of course, Stan was more than willing to feed off the love and affection and devotion Soos gives him, stringing him along to get more and more out of him. Never truly hoping that Soos would move on. God, he's gross.

“It's creepy.”

Stan's such a goddamn creep. He sees this young kid with barely any friends who's desperate for love and his baggage with his dad probably doing something weird to his brain chemistry to make Soos form this attraction to Stan. Nobody could love him without something being wrong with them. He's got too many red flags and Soos has been wearing rose-tinted glasses for over a decade, if not his entire life.

“When is it gonna get through your thick skull that I don't like you, kid? It's weird. You make me uncomfortable. You need to stop making passes at me and hit on somebody your own goddamn age ‘cause it's never gonna happen. You need to cut the shit before I get tired of it enough to fire your ass. So, just stop.”

Stan lets the words hang in the air. The terrible silence that follows makes the air thick with tension. He braces himself. He waits. Waits for Soos to run out. Imagines Soos stomping over to him, gripping him tight around the shoulders just to spin Stan around and deck him in the face like he deserves. But, of course, he doesn't. Soos would never. He's just too sweet like that. 

Instead, slowly, sniffles and muffled sobs fill the room. He hears Soos whimper and cough, probably so worked up that his throat’s closing up and making him choke on his own spit. Each little noise chips away at Stan's poker face and he thanks his lucky stars that Soos isn't demanding him to face him. Soos always thought he was strong, even Stan liked to indulge in his own delusions of strength, but that was a lie, too. He's weak. Too weak to even protect the kid from himself. 

Soos coughs out another sob and Stan can so easily imagine how he looks. Eyes wet with tears, already running down his face. Lips puffy and cheeks all red. His arms crossed over his middle as he curls in on himself, trying to make himself smaller. 

God, it hurts. It hurts so bad. Don't fucking turn around. Don't you dare turn around.

“R– right,” Soos’ voice is strained and wet with tears when he manages to speak. “Right, you're right, I'm– I'm sorry, Mr. Pines. I'm really, really sorry. I didn't m– mean to do that. I never meant to– to hurt you. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.”

It's so hard to keep his breathing under control. He can feel the tickle of teardrops creeping out from under his eyelids. Stan's heart is snapping slowly, piece by piece into jagged edges that threaten to tear him up from the inside-out. It's been a long time since he's heard Soos sound like this. And it's never been because of him. Not until now. He wants to apologize. He wants to turn around and tell Soos it was all a lie, that he didn't mean any of it, that Stan likes him back and has for a long time, so please don't cry.

“Just get outta here, Soos.”

Something that sounds like a choked sob spills from Soos throat and then Stan can hear as he dashes out of the room, his footfalls heavy and fast before they grow distant down the hall.

Stan stays where he is for a moment. Just stands there, staring at Soos’ smiling face on the corkboard until his vision gets blurry with tears. He wipes them from his face with a grumble, finally turning around to see where Soos had just been, with no trace that he'd ever been there in the first place.

He all but collapses into his desk chair and takes off his glasses to rub at his face. A heavy sigh escapes him as he sinks deeper into his seat.

He's finally done it. He's broken the poor kid's heart. And it's all his fault. He could have prevented this, but he didn't. Just another fuck up in a long line of fuck ups that made up his life. The kid probably doesn't even care how bad his boss just insulted him, probably just hopes that he's still employed at the Shack and that they can still be friends. Just another reason Soos is too good for him. Stan had stolen away his opportunity for young love by keeping him constantly hoping that they could be something more one day, and now look what he's done. Stan only has himself to blame.

Hopefully, Soos now understands just how much of a piece of shit his boss is. How much better anyone would be for him. Because he deserves the best.

Stan could say that he's glad he finally ripped the bandage off, that the kid would finally go looking for someone else. But, that would be a lie, too. Truth never had been his forté.

Stan sighs. It’s a bad day when Wendy’s trying to coach Stan on relationships. 

--

“Dude, you need to talk to him.” 

“Soos has never missed a day of work. He hasn’t called or texted or anything in three weeks!” 

Stan stares at the shirts that he’s been packing into boxes, trying to avoid eye contact with Wendy as she rants at him. They’re the same as Soos’s except they have the address of the Mystery Shack on the back of them—it’s hurt more and more to look at the shirts while Soos has been gone, and Stan decided to change them out for something different. 

“I don’t know what upset him but you have to do something about it. What if he’s… what if something’s really wrong, Stan?” 

“Look, the kid asked me…” Stan clenches his hands around one of the shirts. “He asked me something, and I didn’t give him the answer he wanted. We’re all better off not getting what we want sometimes and it’s about time Soos learned that.” 

“Well, whatever it was, he’s obviously upset. Just go and see him, okay? I tried and his grandma looked worried.” 

Stan’s never seen Soos’s grandma worried before. The kid’s built like an ox and only gets sick every few years; she’s never seemed worried about him. 

That’s what sends Stan driving to their house after closing that night. He’s got the kid’s lunchbox—it’s been sitting at the Shack since the day Soos talked to him. Stan’s grateful for the excuse. 

“Mr. Pines!” Ana says as she opens the door. “I… I did not know if you would come. Wendy was here but… Soos would not see her. Maybe he will see you.” 

“Is he okay?” 

She frowns. “I do not know.” 

Stan follows her into the house. “What happened? I know… he was upset after—” 

“I had talked to him about his cousin’s engagement party. He needed a date, and he was so excited that day he went to work. He said he knew the perfect person, but when he came home, he seemed upset. And then he went out the next day and… and he was happier, but then everything changed. He has barely left his room, and he will not let me inside.” 

They stop outside Soos’s bedroom. 

“Something is wrong, Mr. Pines. Please, if he will listen to anyone, it is you.”

Stan looks at the closed door and takes a deep breath. There’s no way he didn’t cause this, so he’s gotta at least try to fix it. 

“Soos?” he calls, knocking. 

There’s noise inside the room—definitely Soos’s voice and maybe another as well—but no response. 

“C’mon, Soos. Let me in.” 

“He will not unlock his door,” Ana tells him. 

Sighing, Stan reaches into his pocket. He doesn’t usually need to have a lockpick on hand, but it’s never been unhelpful to have. “I’ll go and talk to him,” he says to Ana. “I don’t want him gettin’ mad at you and shutting himself away even more.” 

Once he’s alone in the hallway, he crouches by the door—his knees and back complain but Soos is worth the suffering that will probably last into the next week—and gets the lock open with a few clicks. He grabs the doorknob carefully and turns it slowly, peeking into the room through the tiniest gap possible. 

“...So we changed the spark plugs and it started running again!” Soos says. 

“Wow, Soos!” a woman’s voice replies. “That’s so interesting! You know so much about cars.” 

“Thanks, dude.” 

Stan looks around, but all he can see is Soos, the room dark apart from the glow of his computer. 

He opens the door further. The room is littered with dirty clothes and it smells like Soos hasn’t showered in a few days. 

Soos continues chattering with the woman, not noticing Stan opening the door. 

“Kid? You in here?” 

“Did you hear that?” Soos says. 

“I didn’t hear anything, Soos!” the woman replied. “Tell me more about the car!” 

Soos keeps talking, and Stan realizes he’s talking about Stan’s car, and the repairs they’ve done on it together.

Stan sneaks into the room, approaching Soos slowly. 

“Kid?” He reaches out and rests a hand on Soos’s shoulder. 

Soos turns away from the computer at last, looking up at Stan. 

“Mr. Pines!” 

The light from the computer isn’t kind to the kid. He looks almost green from it, although that could be from him clearly having not slept in a while. The bags under his eyes look like bruises. 

“Soos, who is that?” comes a voice from the computer. Stan looks up at the screen and sees a pink-haired cartoon girl glaring back at him. 

“It’s Mr. Pines, dude! The dude I was telling you about,” Soos replies, looking back at the computer. 

“Make him leave, Soos.”

“The hell is this thing?” Stan asks. 

Soos smiles at the screen. “This is my girlfriend, Giffany. I bought a game to help me learn about romance and—”

“Soos, remember what I said,” the cartoon girl interrupts. “You don’t need anyone but me.” 

“But… it’s Mr. Pines, Giffany.” 

“The same Mr. Pines who hurt you?”

Soos shakes his head. “No—he… he didn’t—” 

“He said that dating you would hurt him. I would never say that, Soos. I like dating you more than anything else in the world.” 

Stan looks between Soos and the weird cartoon girl. “Look, Giraffany or whatever your name is, I didn’t say that. Now, I think that’s enough screen time for you, kid. It’s bad for your eyes.” 

He reaches around Soos for the power button on the monitor. 

“I think he’s had enough of you,” the girl replies. “I think Soos has had enough of everyone! I’m the only person he needs.” 

“I don’t know if anyone’s told you this, but you’re a computer game, Jeffany. Now leave us alone.” 

He turns off the monitor, and Soos jumps to his feet. 

“No! Giffany’s gonna be so mad!” 

“Kid, it’s a game. She’s not a person with emotions.” 

Soos tries to turn the computer back on, but Stan grabs his wrist. 

“Look, I… I wanted to talk to you, okay?” 

Big brown eyes stare back at Stan. “I know, Mr. Pines. I’d hurt you if we ever… I know you don’t like me the way I like you and… and that’s why I have Giffany! I can’t hurt her.” 

“You can’t…” Stan shakes his head. “Kid, I don’t think you could hurt me if you tried. I don’t know if you could hurt anyone.” 

“But you said I’d hurt you. That’s why you wouldn’t go to Reggie’s party with me and why you wouldn’t…” 

Stan wraps his arms around Soos, pulling him in for a hug that’s more awkward than Stan would like. “I didn’t… I didn’t mean you’d hurt me, Soos. I meant I’d hurt you.” 

“But you wouldn’t hurt me, Mr. Pines!” 

“You don’t know that, kid. You don’t know…” Stan hugs him closer. “I’ve hurt everyone I’ve cared about, Soos. I don’t want to do that to you.” 

Arms come up and hold onto Stan as Soos buries his face in Stan’s chest. 

“It’s not that I don’t care about you, Soos,” Stan murmurs. “I… I thought I couldn’t love people anymore, the way I… I love you.”

Soos looks up at him with big, shocked eyes. Stan cradles his cheek with one hand. In his mind’s eye, Stan sees another pair of brown eyes, a broken machine, curtains being pulled closed. 

“I don’t want to do to you what I did before. I’m too selfish for you.” 

“You’re not selfish,” Soos replies. “You’re the nicest dude in the world, dude.” 

Stan’s heart aches. He doesn’t want to hurt Soos the way he hurt Ford, but… what if not taking that risk is what hurts the kid? 

“If I… If I go with you to that engagement party. If I try to… to not hurt you, will you come back to work and forget about this computer game lady?” 

“You’d go with me to Reggie’s party? As… as a date?” 

Stan runs a hand through the kid’s hair. “Yeah, but only so I don’t risk having to take a new employee of the month photo.” 

A smile brightens Soos’s face, a little bit of the color coming back to his skin. “Really, Mr. Pines?” 

“Yeah,” Stan whispers. “Just… don’t hate me if I hurt you. I can’t help it.” 

“I couldn’t hate you, dude.” 

Stan can’t believe that, but he leans down anyway, kissing Soos’s cheek. “Let’s get rid of that game,” he says, pulling away before he can start getting sappy with the kid. Stan reaches past Soos again and hits the disc drive on the computer. The game disc pups out and Stan lifts it up. “You don’t need any training in romance, Soos.”