NOT MY MAIN!!

30 / physically + mentally disabled / audhd,ocd,cptsd,depression / biace polyam any pronouns agender trans man ((he/she/they/it))

@henryheartss could be considered my main, @hankstoybox is my plush/doll account, and @pastelwonderment is my aesthetic blog!

anyways this is my old ass 13+ year old tumblr. i have new ones. my deadname is somewhere deep in here and i dont like it. so if you see likes from this account and reblogs from another that is why.

- i played runescape back in 2006-7, i had a friend named gavin and we would talk on the phone and play for hours.

- i also played webkinz! i had like 30 of them because we used to have a local hallmark downtown. (i miss it tbh.) i dont remember most of them besides the goldfish, tabby cat, lizard, and the pink dragon. i know i had a lot more though.

- the website for jurassic park 3 and also the jurassic park institute.

- there was a site this lady made to show her award winning american curl cats, i thought that they were so gorgeous, especially the long hairs.

- balto and dragonriders of pern websites, the balto ones were on neocities specifically. the pern sites made me realize that people roleplayed online with other people, as these sites had custom pixel art of peoples dragons and fire lizards, custom weyr info, and backstory.

- i played a lot of games on dinosaur sites, specifically they were websites for museums. there was also the games on bbc for walking with dinosaurs and such (i played that big al game!)

- i frequented the Disney on Broadway site and watched that the lion king on broadway ad over and over. i am also nostalgic for the aida one because it was on there.

my trailer barely works and we are in debt to credit cards. its not a massive debt, but it is enough to make it uncomfortable and out of our reach that we can pay it off while living here.

recently the electricity has been a concern. half of our power flickered and went out around a week ago, its back on and hasnt done it since then, but still, it was concerning. so i called my father, who said he would pay to have whatever it is fixed. then i called him again and floated around the idea of us moving into one of his spare rooms (he has three.) and we would pay him rent + help him around the house. he seemed to consider it and told me to ask my mother. i do, and she is fine with it.

so then maybe 4-5 hours later i get a call from my sister. she says that father has asked her to help me apply for low income apartments and such, and that he wants me to see if i can find a different cheap trailer. turns out he doesnt want us to rent his spare room after all and instead wants us to PAY EVEN MORE IN RENT with a newer trailer because he would only pay the first month and we would be saddled with not only lot rent like right now, but also the loan for the trailer, which would make it around $600 a month. we can barely do anything right now and our lot rent is $430.

he says that he wants to keep us independent and them independent. because independence is having a trailer you cannot bathe in, are always worried about power issues, rotting floors, dripping windows when it rains, cannot be cooled efficiently so summers are awful and youre in pain all the time. you barely have money to do anything with, your car is heavily used and makes noises when it is running, the lot rent is raised every year by $45 when no benefit is added.

in exchange for a room they don't even use he would have gotten extra money each month, stop having to occasionally send money so i can get gas, stop having to pay for repairs, help around the house and the kitchen would actually be clean for once, we already have to bathe and do laundry over there so that is already something he pays for. but no, he just lies to me to keep me hopeful, then denies me through my sister, and tells me he is "always rooting for me."

so an art mutual of mine decided to leave toyhouse because of harassment. didnt even do anything btw, just claimed some freebies that other people wanted and they got really rude. so they gifted me 90 ocs, which is most of what they had. they didnt tell me what to do with them, just said to enjoy them however i wanted. i only liked around 5 of them, so i privated those and added around 100 more of my own ocs that i didnt really want and made a big freebie purge.

a rule that has been with me for well over a decade now is that i am uncomfortable giving freebies to people who have more than 200 ocs on their account, specifically when it is obvious that they get freebies because they can and just let them sit. its obvious when you use your ocs vs people who dont. i used to have 2000+ (not a typo btw) myself at one point, and i felt awful because i couldnt remember most of them. thats when i started giving freebs out.

so. im having fun, many people have already claimed freebies already when i get a note from a guy. he starts with "i am confused." and then goes on to talk about how it was really cool that i got a lot of freebies from my friend, but "for some reason" i put that i have too many ocs now. when like, that 90 is over half of the ocs i have now. it is a lot??? he then tries to use that to say its stupid that i put a limit on how many freebies people can get from me.

he then insinuates that most people have more than 200 ocs. which is just not true. most of the people who have adopted the 130+ freebies i have given so far this time had less than 100. btw i didnt say it yet, he has over 670+ designs on his account and it is obvious he claims just whatever he can get his hands on. he never uses them, so he would be disqualified anyways.

i havent said anything because i want her to just enjoy it. but i feel trapped in my own home. we planned on going to an aquarium together for her birthday last month because they have wheelchairs you can rent, but then things came up and we couldnt pay for it. i have only gotten to leave town when getting dental work done, otherwise we cant afford the gas.

im just so depressed about it man. i cant do fuck all because i live in a fuckass town at least 30 minutes from anything, cant drive, cant afford to do anything, and need help with mobility. and the people in my life just are like "yeah they can stay home while we do stuff, we dont have to try and find something we can ALL do." like my whole life has been people excluding me from shit so its nothing new, but it fucking hurts man.