SP

Tw : mention of suicide, death and abuse.

I lost my father yesterday, he committed suicide. I don't know how life took this turn but after all the abuse we went through, we were finally getting on good terms since he was taking his meds.

My life may look really perfect from other people's perspective but it's anything but perfect. My father left a huge debt on our head and if we don't pay it off, we might become homeless after 3 months. My siblings are young and my mom is not in a good state to work. Since my father was the only one working in your family things are much more complicated.

The day before it all happened, I was upset with him and didn't pick up his calls. I was upset because of how our situation was, the debt, my father not working anymore, etc. i remember when I got home the only thing he said to me was "you didn't pick up my calls. Are you upset with me?" And I still didn't respond to him. I thought as soon as I woke up, I'll tell him why I was upset and how much i wanted to help him solve this problem. But I never got the chance to. And I'll never be able to forgive myself for this.

I had become the breadwinner of my family and my father was really proud of me for working. He found his hope in me, that maybe I'll be able to make the situation better. And to blame my fate more, i can’t stop working. I am forced to work even in this situation because of the circumstances and I am not complaining. I know that this is my responsibility. I have got to save up for the funeral and the debts.

I guess like is difficult and I have got to deal with it.

This is a request. Any kind of help you can offer would mean the world for me and my family.

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