To face unafraid

This chapter ended up being my longest so far. I hope you enjoyed it! I don’t expect the word count to keep growing higher and higher every chapter. I kind of try to keep them on the shorter side really, so I know I’ve given the chapter a point, but I plan to just kind of feel out what seems right on a case by case basis. This chapter had a lot of beats, a lot of things I wanted to accomplish, and then they all expanded as I fleshed things out with the actual writing.

I don’t really know if I’d say the writing in this fic is ~my writing style~ because I’m comfortable writing so many different things - a million papers in college for my English degree, cover letters for jobs, internships, projects, instructional writing on a hundred completely different types of industries for work, editing anything other people write, working on my and my partner’s original stories. 

But this is my first time writing any fanfiction at all. And this is how it started out, and this is the cadence, tone, stacks on stacks of clauses, etc that I’m just rolling with I guess. I hope it’s working for you.

In this chapter, we’re back in Villanelle’s head. I’m still exploring what my characterization of her will be like, but I’m trying for some balance so far. It’s so strange to me writing an AU for Killing Eve. It’s done so much good in canon, there’s so much there, that it seems almost a waste, almost silly, to drag these two to an alternate universe. When I try to do it, I mean. I read and enjoy lots of Killing Eve AUs, but can get self conscious about mine.

It’s an interesting exercise trying to build the connection, the dynamic between these two up from scratch. I selectively work a lot from canon into A6R, but I shift it, stick it under a different lens, prod at it with “well, what if this time…” There’s not that excellent, incredibly rich established trajectory for me to build from. I have to earn it some other way, which I’m still figuring it out. 

It’s fun though, moving them along steps at a time. This chapter tries to move us several steps on several different tracts at once and hopefully future me will make good on it lol. There’s a lot at play. Villanelle is focused on herself still, but Eve sort of interests her. But this Eve doesn’t know her, isn’t heading a task force just to seek out her. She didn’t see Eve in a bathroom and ruin her life over it.

They’ve gone straight to co-habiting, without any of the obsession, pain, conviction, doubt, chase we love them for. So we’re along for their little adventure of learning each other, watching them each be surprisingly correct and incredibly wrong about the other. While also doing dumb domestic shit like eating bad eggs. If you want good scrambled eggs by the way, try Gordon Ramsey’s technique; it’s on Youtube.

If you read these behind-the-scenes rambles of mine, you’re the real star here. Thank you and Queer Jesus bless you. Please talk to me, love me some talkin bout stuff. And if you like the fic, share it with a buddy :]

Previous chapters:

Ch 01 | Knife me, rob me, creep up in my sleep

Ch 02 | Carefully practiced vulnerability

Find it kinda weird but fun writing interactions where nobody fully knows what anybody else’s deal is and you’re always stuck trying to figure it out through one character’s lens at a time.There’s what Villanelle knows about herself (which we don’t know all of yet). There’s what Eve knows about herself  (which we don’t know all of yet either). There’s what Villanelle knows about Eve (little) and what Eve knows about Villanelle (even less). Who even knows what’s going on here.

Hope you’re looking forward to seeing two little curious clever reckless punks try to be roommates, and also they will constantly be eating because food is all I care about on this earth. 

Previous chapters:

Ch 01 | Knife me, rob me, creep up in my sleep

Hello from me, the writer:

Hellooo who else is gay and horny for weird?? [Spoiler warning: come back here after you’ve read the chap, I’m gonna talk about it]

Eve Polastri understands you, because she’s thirsty for a stranger’s stab hole. And Villanelle also understands you because is thirsty for Eve being thirsty for stabs. Their brain cell truly is away on holiday.

I enjoyed writing this chapter a lot since these Eve, V, and all the rest of us get to chill for one second and a indulge in some conversation. Also I like switching around the POV between two unreliable narrators. I’m always interested in what characterization you can pick up on through someone’s narrative perspective. 

Lasagna-for-one man from the grocery aisle is Julian, yeah. Oksana and Eve’s ships in the night moment in Nice and Neat was a perfect beautiful gut-punch. I wouldn’t trade away that so-tired lingering stare at Eve striding savior-like, fucking near godly, fucking dream-esque slow-motion towards the hell house Oksana just escaped, just ONE moment too late for them to be together again. In that moment at least she knows clever, determined, mutually obsessed Eve came for her after all.

But yea I’m not beholden to writing what’s good for the show so fuck it! This one episode and this one moment are what I latched onto and what made me decide to explore “hey, what if it wasn’t Julian who Villanelle saw in that store, what if it was Eve? What if it was Eve, who she saw for the first time in that aisle?” I’m not even close to above daydreaming about Eve and V getting to hang out domestically in Eve’s house, not even a little. I’m so gay for domesticity and slice-of-life and my being yearns for it.

Had kind of a dickens of a time trying to problem solve the issue of V’s false backstory here. She told Eve she couldn’t involve authorities, she showed up with an obvious wound, she doesn’t have friends or anyone around to turn to. Maybe the lies she gives here still wouldn’t convince someone with a better sense of self-preservation, but we’ll see how Eve feels about it. Hopefully you all find her made up story acceptable for the fic at least.

Previous chapters:

Hello from me, the writer:

Hey! It’s 2k19 and fuck it I’m finally writing fanfic. It’s bananas I haven’t before but I feel good that a show as completely slick, smart, sexy, and super fucking gay as Killing Eve was the one to pull me in finally. 

Here’s Fic #1, Ch 1 for me. I had this thought after 2.02 dropped, kept thinking about it, thought it had potential and eventually decided to think it into existence.

And yeah, I’m a very extra gay who enjoys making little graphics so I did decide on a whim to make chapter graphics. I hope someone enjoys this but if not who am I kidding I did it for me. The plan’s to hopefully do it every chapter.

The feedback I’ve received so far has been so positive and kind, I’m super happy about it?? Thank you to everyone who gives it a read! Please feel free to hit me up here or in the comments if you’ve got anything you’d like to say or ask.