“tear it apart & the sun keeps on shining”

Now this is something you don’t find out immediately.

In fact, when you meet for the first time after joining the avengers, she’s pretty closed off, giving you a tight-lipped smile before she makes an excuse to leave the room and you barely see her for your first few weeks on the team.

It’s a little bit of a kick to the gut but you get it. She didn’t trust you yet.

You’re not going to lie though, you’d kind of, absolutely, been the most excited about working with Natasha when you’d joined the avengers – what wasn’t badass about being the only woman on a team full of superheroes for so long? – so while you get her behaviour, it still stings a little that she clearly has no interest in even giving you a chance.

Because of this, you don’t really start to get to know her until about two months into your new job.

–

You’re having a bad day today.

A really bad day.

The thing they don’t tell you when you sign the contract to become an avenger is that sometimes you need to make really hard decisions. And that sometimes people are going to die because of those decisions.

Maybe it’s common sense and you should have been expecting this to happen at some point but it still doesn’t make you feel better when three civilians die because of your actions, even if it was the right call.

As soon as you get back from the mission and you’re off the jet, you book it away from the rest of the team, not wanting them to think you’re the kind of person who falls apart every-time something doesn’t go to plan.

You don’t want to look weak.

And you especially don’t want Natasha to see you as that. You feel like you’re already on thin ice with her as it is.

“Everything okay?” you hear Natasha’s voice behind you before you can get more than a meter away and have to resist the urge to groan.

Of course.

Of course this would be the one time she actually wants to talk to you. Forcing a weak smile as you turn around, you also frantically wipe your eyes even though you know the second she looks at your face, she’ll be able to tell you’re trying not to cry.

“Yeah,” you answer, unconvincingly. Something that is only reinforced by the way Natasha raises her eyebrow at you. “Just..yeah. I’m fine.. Thanks.”

She’s silent for a minute, watching you with an unreadable look on her face. You’re just starting to shift around, a little uncomfortable under her gaze, when she pulls her keys out of her pocket and tilts her head, indicating you should follow her as she turns around.

“You like frozen yoghurt?”

You frown, a little puzzled, as you follow her. “Sure?”

“Great.”

Twenty minutes later, to your amazement, you’re sitting at a table across from one another in a pastel-pink yoghurt shop on the other side of town and licking frozen yoghurt off plastic spoons.

It’s almost an awkward silence between the both of you for a while, enough that the things you’d been trying not to think about creep up on you and start to run through your mind again like a trainwreck you just can’t look away from.

Abruptly, Natasha clears her throat. “It’ll get easier,” she offers, somehow knowing where your mind had wandered. You look at her, probably too hopefully.

“Will it?”

She huffs a little, looking back down at her yoghurt as she admits: “Well… No. I was trying to make you feel better.”

You let out quiet laugh at how bluntly honest she is. “Well thanks. For trying I guess.”

You both share a little smile, less awkward than before, before falling silent again, eating your frozen yoghurt.

Because of the late hour, the shop is mostly deserted but every now and then a few customers come in, not seeming to recognise either of you tucked away into the corner.

Well, not until a little girl enters with her parents. When her eyes land on Natasha, a squeal immediately breaks free from her lips and she approaches your table, wide eyed as she stares up at Natasha with clear hero worship in her gaze.

“You’re my favorite avenger,” she says, a little shyly but gaining momentum at the way Natasha smiles at her words, leaning in to hear her better. “You’re so much cooler than the rest of them.”

“You’re right,” Natasha nods sagely, tilting her chin in your direction. “I definitely am cooler than them. Especially this one.”

You let out a pretend grumble of protest but know the giant smile on your face must betray you.

In all of that, you don’t fail to notice the way Natasha’s looking at the little girl as she talks to her. Her face open and soft in a way you’ve never seen it before.

It’s kind of …adorable.

After the little girl has been collected by her harried parents, who shoot you both looks of apology as they usher her away, Natasha looks up and catches you staring at her before you can look away.

She frowns at you. You know you must have a goofy look on your face but you can’t help it.

“What?”

“Nothing,” you say, grinning. First, she’d bought you frozen yoghurt just because you’d had a bad day, then she’d patiently entertained a little girl as she’d rambled on for over ten minutes about how much she wanted to be her when she grew up. She was full of surprises. “You’re just a little bit of a softie… you know that, Romanoff?”

She grins back before her face turns a little more serious, pointing her spoon at you. “Better not tell anyone that, newbie,” she says, threateningly. “I have a reputation to uphold.”