whenever you find this;

The rain these past few days has been helping me clear my mind and slowly come to terms with losing you.

For the longest time, my thoughts were filled with questions — you name it: what ifs, what could have beens, what should have beens. I kept going back to the moments I wished I could change, the words I wished I had said, the things I wished had happened differently to make losing you hurt a little less.

But lately, something has changed. I no longer find myself holding on so tightly to the things that could never be changed.

Thanks to the rain, probably, since I now find myself feeling grateful I was given the chance to know you, to meet you, to love you in ways that perhaps only God knows the depth of, and only He will ever truly understand.

And maybe that is what I'm finally beginning to accept, because I don't want to keep our story as a wound we have to keep reopening. I want everything about us to become something we can carry gently.

But, hey. I still remember you. I still miss you. The difference now is that I want to remember the laughter, the nights we used to talk about how our days went, the little moments, the conversations we had while you strolled around the neighborhood.

I want to remember how it felt to love you, instead of how it felt to lose you.

This time, I promise, I will always remember you with love, not pain and grief.