These Things I'll Never Say

The gentle innocence of it, the peace in your face, i was overwhelmed with emotion

I listened and couldn't help but laugh to the point where I thought I was sure to wake you.

You must have felt the silent shaking, of me trying to stifle my laughter, because you stirred and rolled away, but you didn't wake.

I felt lucky to be lying next to such a beautiful individual.

And then you kicked me really hard in the shin

I know we need to spend time away from each other sometimes ,to appreciate the friends we have, and not to push them away; but you handled it badly too.

You need to know that I take things to heart and if you don’t know that now then will you ever? I’m clinging on to whatever this ‘relationship’ is. If it is a relationship. I had a conversation tonight which resulted in my best mates laughing at me for not actually being able to define our 'relationship’.

Things have been going so well between us. I’ve been difficult to be with recently, I know this, and I truly and sincerely appreciate how you’ve supported me. But at the same time, tonight was a major setback.

I feel like I’m an inconvenience, that your friends hate me, and yet again I’m sat here feeling not good enough.

I read this back to myself and realise how pathetic this is. But the reality of it is, I’ve fallen hard into this, whatever this is. I need reassurance. I’m broken, like you said earlier. But you knew this.