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What would’ve happened in that moment if Niall hadn’t been saved by the guard? That’s a question Gadd doesn’t mind giving a definitive answer to.
“I think it would have gotten physical for sure,” he says. “I think probably towards Niall first, and I think it would have been a very bad situation.”
One of my favorite details of adult Niall’s characterization is how he strategically deploys true information to get himself out of corners he’s been backed into. Like when he’s upset because of like…. everything that happened in ep 5… but primarily bc he just cheated on Ava in a way he knows on some level could get him killed. He uses the truth about what he did with the 30k (bc the jig is up on that anyway so he may as well get his moneys worth) to explain why he’s distraught and redirect Ava away from any and all of the Ruben stuff she could have asked about. And when he has to come out bc the plot has hit him with a real carrot-and-stick double whammy about it lol he’s like okay well then I’m going to use that to wiggle out of the other situation Ruben was suspicious about
I love it because it’s quite calculating and unpleasant and completely practical and realistic for a character who spent really formative years managing someone prone to distrustful rages. And also i get the sense that psychologically when Niall is backed into a corner where he has to divulge something true about himself, twisting the situation so he’s at least buying something with his vulnerability makes him feel like he’s clawing back a little control
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My Niall at Oxford headcanons have been popping off (you're all so lovely, it's enough to make this lemon blush) but I want to talk about the most important thing of all:
Niall was fucked the second he agreed to testify.
Maybe even before that.
He was placed in a position where there was no winning, and his psyche was going to be torn apart by that no matter what. Sure, if Niall had successfully lied on the stand, he would have had Ruben there to help (I have my doubts about whether that defense would have worked, I think Ruben was going to prison either way, but let's go with that for now). His guilt wouldn't have been the same. But it would have been there, and it would have been deep. Niall's anguish over Ruben is a gaping wound, but over Alby it would have been a slow moving disease. He would've succumbed eventually regardless.
And Ruben would have watched. He would have been there every step of the way, helping when he could, lashing out because why can't Niall just fucking let it go already. Tries to keep Niall in school, lets Niall move in with him when he drops out anyway. Niall comes to him when he thinks the flat is bugged, and Ruben pulls him into bed. Holds Niall and promises to keep him safe. Niall wrecks their apartment trying to find spyware that doesn't exist. Gets high and starts pulling down their walls. Things go missing, and Ruben doesn't know where they're going until he sees Niall absentmindedly swallow one. Drags them to the hospital, tells the doctors that Niall isn't insane, he's just having some problems. Please don't take his brother away.
(They take his brother away. Niall is screaming because he thinks they're going to kill him, begs Ruben to help him. Ruben calls their moms and sobs and sobs and sobs).
When Niall gets out, he's doing better. The meds have him groggy, but he's stable. Laughs about the crazy shit he did. Thinks it would be good if he gets away from Ruben things for a while. Ruben doesn't know what those doctors said to him, but Niall's more distant. Like they put a wall up between the two of them. Ruben can't take it. Can't take the distance between them. Asks if Niall was in love with Alby or something.
Niall says no. Ruben knows it's a lie.
If Niall is going through all this grief over fucking over his boyfriend, then Ruben will just have to be his boyfriend. Doesn't care if Niall says he doesn't want it. Ruben knows what Niall wants. They lay together after, like they did after Mona.
atp I don’t even think it’s irrational of Niall to be afraid of Ruben finding out he’s gay. like Ruben’s meltdowns are so unpredictable it feels like depending on the moment you catch him in Ruben could respond to that information with “okay, so?” or with attempted rape and/or murder. I don’t really think Niall is unreasonable for not wanting to roll those dice!!!!!!!!!!!
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